A book for life E-Book

Edith Ellwanger

• Herausgeber: novum pro Verlag
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 207

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

More and more people today feel the need for information to better understand themselves, their personal lives and life in general. What role do childhood experiences play in this? Who and how am I in the depth of my heart? Why can lived values prove to be extremely helpful? Let yourself be motivated and inspired to get on the track of the meaning of life and the meaning of all unpleasantness in order to be able to master life well in joy and happiness. The author impressively describes from her valuable wealth of knowledge which ways of thinking and seeing and which insights of a spiritual and psychological nature can lead to clarity, harmony and inner balance on the great journey through life that does not end with death.

Leseprobe

A book for life.

Thoughts on the human life journey and its meaning, from birth to death and beyond.

Introduction

The purpose of this book

How it all began

Main part

Through the eyes of a child

How life plays out

Our soul-spiritual foundation:

- Joy

- Love & Values

- Faith & Spirituality

- Luck

Self-discovery

From the meaning of life,

of death and what comes after?

From practical everyday life:

The purpose of this book

Sometimes in life it seems as if what happens to a person in terms of situations and events, and how the path of life proceeds in terms of principle, is designed for a very specific goal. If I look back today on my personal life so far, this would mean: I had to walk a long, sometimes arduous and tearful, but always an interesting path of knowledge, so that the publication of this book could happen.

It was written in a certain period of time, but the content developed in a long thought process. The decisive factor was the search for answers to questions that were burning on my heart and that should be more than just credible explanations. This took a lot of time and also patience. After all these years of "searching" and "finding", the need has developed in me to offer a summary of extensive topics that can help to see many things in life more clearly. I am of the opinion that this knowledge should belong to our "basic equipment", therefore I call them the "themes of life" and would like to bring them close to the people who are interested in recognizing the connections and who want to find what they have been searching for perhaps quite unconsciously for a long time.

I would like to share with you the helpful ways of looking at things and deeply internalized insights of a psychological and spiritual nature that have taken my life in a direction of which I can now simply say, "Thank fate for all the difficult years." Without them, there would not have been the need to embark on this beautiful path. This book is meant to act as a gentle "nudge" to reflect on oneself and one's life, as well as the minor and major inconsistencies. It is meant to inspire and motivate to allow other and new ways of seeing and thinking, and it is meant to inspire to look more deeply into one or another significant life issue. For all the topics I have touched upon here, the book market offers an excellent selection of further specialized reading under the headings: guidebooks, life help, spirituality. But also interesting lectures are offered in many places and personal conversations for those who are looking for individual help.

During my search for "truths" I was allowed to draw on the helpful and valuable wealth of knowledge as well as the skills of many professionally experienced people. So I invite you now cordially to go with me on the life journey, whose beginning we want to look at first from the view of the children. In the further course we will look at the meanwhile grown-up person with regard to his thinking, feeling and acting, in order to then turn to the "themes of life". There I will tell you about a strong "inner foundation" of a soul-spiritual kind and my experiences are waiting for you, which I was allowed to make on the way of "self-discovery". We want to deal with the question about the meaning of life and look at what it has to do with death, because the more

life eventually comes to an end. We dedicate interesting and comforting thoughts to this end and will look a bit beyond it. To round off the themes of life, I let people speak whom I have met on my way and who have exciting things to tell from their stories of life and healing. Connected with this are interesting thoughts, points of view and wisdom of life as well as spiritual laws.

How it all began

At that time, at the age of about 8 years, it has begun, my very personal little drama, because I felt a steadily growing discrepancy between my parents and me. In nature and character we could not have been more different and so, over time, an interpersonal discord developed. Their presence often put me in stress, because they seemed "overpowering" to me and I felt "powerless" towards them. They as pure head and mind people, I as a quiet, sensitive and emotionally oriented child, this simply did not fit together. In my perception, kindness, love, empathy, respect, appreciation and understanding did not play a role in our everyday family life. This time was not easy for me, because it was often characterized by criticism, destructive behavior and verbal injuries. At first, of course, I could not see the reasons for such degrading behavior. I was helpless and looked primarily for the guilt with me. But when nothing was found for me there, I began to withdraw more and more and to close my heart, to suppress my feelings, to reject myself and everything that had to do with me - my appearance, my being, my wishes. At times, I no longer enjoyed the good things in life and found it difficult to motivate myself to do anything at all. Since my younger sister was not an ally to me, I felt lonely, unimportant, insignificant in my family. A small thing was then occasion that brought the "barrel to overflow" and everything came to a head. Unconsciously, I had been aware for a long time that the way I was did not correspond to the expectations. Now, however, it was unmistakably pronounced. A hammer blow for me! I was thus "punished" for the fact that I was not the "dream child" of my parents! I was too quiet, too thoughtful, too daydreaming, too inactive in their opinion. My traits did not fit into the picture and the plans they had for my future. At first I slipped into a phase of great sadness, from which I was fortunately able to peel myself out the moment a solution was in sight. A way out had been found, the decision made: So if I was not allowed to be as nature had created me, then I had to change. I was so far that I also wanted to change as quickly as possible, and so I let myself be formed into something that I was not. I subordinated myself in my behavior to the wishes of my parents, in order to nip any criticism in the bud in this way. Within a short period of time, I was transformed into a child who outwardly functioned as I wished, but who paid a high price for it. Denying oneself cannot make one happy, it cannot be psychologically healthy, and it cannot go well in the long run. A few years later, what had to come happened: I fell into a depression, because I no longer knew who I really was.

Then finally, at 16, I "woke up" and with the following questions I experienced my personal "wake-up call": "What does man actually live for? Is it really limited to eating, sleeping, school/work, a little fun and a lot of problems? Just being present? Just existing with no other meaning?"

These questions, my interest in human behavior and my always good power of observation were the reason and the beginning to deal with the "themes of life". Countless readings, good personal conversations, lectures and seminars accompanied my way. And with every answer I found, it was almost as if a treasure chest opened, making me infinitely curious about the further contents. Slowly but steadily, inner restlessness and disorientation gave way to increased equanimity, calm and structure. Doubts turned into clarity and certainty and with each new helpful insight I felt as if the sun was rising radiantly after a period of bad weather. Miraculously, a mental healing process was set in motion and a new positive energy spread. My understanding and trust in life grew the more I knew about the connections. From then on, I walked on a path of essential importance that I never wanted to leave.

May my insights and information now offer you guidance and inspiration as well as be an advisor and encourager on your own life's journey.

Through the eyes of a child

Dear reader, I am very much looking forward to embarking with you on an exciting adventure that we call "life" and that begins with our birth, or a certain time before it. Not all of us are parents, but all of us were once a child. I would therefore like to begin by talking about the childhood years, because this period is undoubtedly an important and significant one in life. What happens in this phase and how this time progresses always gives direction to the rest of life. My concern in this chapter is to sensitize oneself to the way people feel and think during childhood. What counts, after all, is not only the physically healthy growth of a child, but to the same extent its psychologically and mentally healthy development. I would like to awaken your interest in your own past childhood, because that is often the origin of inner discrepancies in adulthood or of some difficulties and questionable behavior.

Look at things from the children's point of view more often. They show us what we ourselves have often forgotten. In dealing with the small child, who is not yet too strongly influenced by education, the adult can also learn a lot. Being with children brings us back to simply being human. In a society that is sometimes poor in attitudes and values, being with children is a wonderful opportunity to return to naturalness. A child is honest and open. They live in the moment, do not care about the past and do not worry about the future. They are not afraid of embarrassing themselves, nor are they afraid of doing something wrong. It looks at the world with trusting eyes, thinks nothing bad about it, and expects nothing bad from it.

Children are our future! They are not only because they will pay for future pensions, but also because the state of future societies depends on them. The time that parents invest in the first years of their children's lives is therefore significant and important, because during this time crucial things take place inside the child and will shape him or her. As a rule, parents love their children very much and want only the best for them. But we as a society - each and every one - are also challenged by showing cordiality, generosity, patience and respect to all children and also to young people.

There are, of course, plenty of important things and things worth mentioning about this stage of life. So when it comes to understanding a child from the ground up, it makes sense to stock up on a few good non-fiction books. The best books are those that describe the child's evolutionary imprint, those that give insight into the child's psyche, and books that show that the young child does not come into the world as a blank page, but as an animated being that not only brings its own life force with it, but also its own history. So that the direction is recognizable, which plays a large role in dealing with the small child, I have picked out a few examples. They are only a fraction of what is considered important and correct in the professional world today, but perhaps they will help us to empathize gently and to look back with understanding into the world of the child in which we all once were.

So now follow me on the first steps that a baby takes into life and for which, as a rule and to a certain extent, mother and father are always responsible. It is not exactly little what is demanded from parents. To put it in one sentence: they should be loving and at the same time competent parents who are aware of every need that the baby will have in all stages of its development and that even includes the time of pregnancy. What can parents contribute to give the child a positive attitude towards life from the very beginning of its existence? The time when the unborn child is developing could ideally look like this: The mother-to-be is happy about the pregnancy and is very excited about her child. She carries great feelings and a great love for the child-to-be. She can intuitively empathize with the still unborn child and thinks in a way that should convey to the child that it is absolutely loved. Such feelings alone will already consolidate in him at this stage and give him a sense of worthiness. But she also pays attention to harmony in voices and tones and to the volume of all sounds, because the child also perceives acoustics already now.

So who is this little person who has just left the most beautiful and safest place there is and is now seeing the light of day? And what would it need for its good development? In the beginning, body and feeling dominate. It absorbs everything it senses in its environment, including moods and emotional vibrations that people bring to it. Feelings are intensely felt, impressions cannot yet be processed, so they can be very upsetting. The family environment should therefore be geared towards peace and harmony, so as not to create a breeding ground for negative feelings that the baby would sense but not be able to categorize. For its physical well-being, the baby naturally needs good food, peace, warmth and cleanliness. For this, it needs the feeling that someone is always there to take care of its needs. In order to develop well, the newborn needs a person who shows it through physical contact, tenderness, caresses and loving words that it is not alone, but that it is protected and can feel safe. This need satisfaction and attention of the first period of life will be internalized in him and will shape his life accordingly. At this age, however, the child is also capable of feeling fear. And this will also shape it. It has intuitive fear of falling and develops fear when exposed to noise. The greatest fear, however, is triggered by the feeling of loneliness. Since the baby feels itself to be one with its mother or even another caregiver, being alone for too long and too often would cause the little one great anxiety. You only have to imagine what it is like to just lie there with your body and not be able to articulate what is urgently needed. Words do not yet exist to communicate what is going on. It cannot get out of an uncomfortable lying position or a wet diaper, it cannot communicate if it is in pain, hungry or thirsty. The baby can't show that it just needs closeness or comfort. It can only lie there with its body and its feelings! Sooner or later it will become restless because fear rises, and eventually it will start to cry. Now, as a parent, you are faced with the challenge of reacting correctly, which can also be difficult due to life circumstances. In this state of absolute helplessness and fear, the baby cannot know when and if anyone will come to be there for it at all. At some point it will become quiet because it is exhausted from crying and has fallen asleep. Now imagine another way of acting, in the same situation that is threatening for the baby: a person comes who picks it up, cradles it in his arms and cares for it devotedly. The child still cannot express what he is missing, but he feels that someone is there to hold him and to whom he belongs. It senses a loving, symbiotic relationship that it can rely on again and again when it needs help. Both of the adult's actions will be imprinted in his subconscious. Regardless of what the reason for his crying was.

Even if the desire to get the baby into a certain routine is great, the love of the parents is shown to him exclusively by getting all his needs met quickly and reliably, because he will internalize that as such, that is the language of love for a baby. Only in the course of time and through many positive basic experiences will it learn without any problems that a condition which initially feels unpleasant will soon become better again and that mummy and daddy cannot always be there immediately.

This small emotional package already notices very precisely whether it makes its people happy with its presence and whether it gives them pleasure to be there for it and to do everything for it. And this will anchor itself deeply in its inner being and form a basis for its spiritual and mental maturation. Through an understanding, affectionate and reliable relationship, it will be able to develop basic trust and accept itself. But first it must have experienced itself accepted by "its people".

Thus it now grows up, becomes from an infant to a toddler. If it was able to build up a loving, stable bond with its caregiver(s) during this time, it can now develop a healthy feeling for itself from around the sixth month of life. The unity between him and the caregiver(s) is now naturally dissolved. It continues to develop at its own pace, is curious and very eager to learn. Soon the parents are faced with new challenges. The child discovers its "I", it tries out, probes, tests, and gradually senses the variety of its feelings, which are now of a completely different kind. In the process, it will notice that it is also an actor in this itself and that the parents are no longer exclusively responsible for it. Difficult phases come, in which the child gets to know its negative emotions. Anger, rage, sadness, etc. are there, they belong and want to be acted out in the form of scolding and shouting. Otherwise, permanently suppressed negative moods become a danger for body and soul in the further course of life. Of course, this means stress for the parents, but even these times have their meaning for the child and are enormously important, because only in this way can it develop in a healthy way.

Many parents are concerned about reading every wish from their child's eyes. What does it want, what does it need, so that it may only be happy. But more important than fulfilling every child's wish is to look for what the child needs emotionally, because that will shape it and give it a basic direction for its future life. The child itself cannot yet express itself or express anything in words, it is just discovering itself and its own feelings. At this age, everything revolves around feelings. For the time being, he can only express what is going on inside him in his behavior, his feelings show themselves in his behavior. For a small, naïve child, it is therefore of the utmost importance not to be left to his own devices with the whole range of feelings. In order to become aware of them at all and to learn how to deal with them, it is dependent on the understanding support of parents who are experienced in this respect. Often, however, these parents bring a lot of wishes, hopes and expectations into the upbringing at an early stage, in which, however, feelings and loving behavior find no place or are even seen as a hindrance. Especially in this phase of the child's life, however, it must not be the primary goal to orient the child exclusively to one's own tune or to want to shape it according to one's own ideas.

If a young child feels that his or her immediate caregivers are sensitive to him or her where words are still lacking, if he or she experiences interest in his or her true personality and feels important and valuable, then this will become deeply anchored in him or her. This is the best prerequisite for a healthy self-esteem in adulthood.

This was a small excursion into the beginnings of life, which should bring to mind how significant the consideration of the soul and psychological aspects are from the beginning of life. In this way, I got my first impressions into a child's soul and was gradually able to sympathize with my parents, because they, too, are in a certain way "imprinted children". I learned that every childhood leaves its traces. That is so, it was always so and it will always be so, because children's eyes see things quite differently than adults' eyes do. Mistakes and misunderstandings are therefore inevitable. This is normal and does not have to be bad. It can be bad when these mistakes and misunderstandings draw us and permanently affect our lives as adults. I became aware that today the childhood issues from back then no longer had to burden or block me, if I could deal with them a little and recognize connections.

What was it, in fact, that we would have wished for back then as a child in our innate sensitivity? And what was it that we would have needed so urgently? For this purpose, I have again looked around in the professional world and have selected some examples which should clarify the basic childlike needs. If these remain permanently unfulfilled and this is never recognized, they can solidify inside as eternal longing or as soul pain. Such expertise can be matched with one's own experienced reality and can be a first step towards inner healing.

First and foremost, young children do not want to have to fear their parents or a parent. They just want to be treated well and lovingly. They need warmth of feeling, patient understanding, and generous behavior. They don't want to have to exclusively just "function," but they still need to be given clear guidelines, direction, rules, order, structure, and adherence to set limits, and to have all of that enforced. In addition, it is important to them that mom and dad get along and like each other, because they see their sense of security threatened by frequent conflicts and arguments. They need friendly interaction and togetherness in the family in order to feel protected, so that they can concentrate freely on their outside world. They want to be allowed to "be a child" and "be small"; the parents should be the big and strong ones who protect them and can be relied on in every respect. Children want to be perceived, accepted and taken seriously. Then they will feel important and valuable and those who feel important do not have to worry about their "worthiness" and do not need to waste any thought on how to gain attention. For the family peace and the inner peace of the child very crucial.

Feelings also want to be allowed to be shown. Every sorrow can be a drama for a small child. It is good for the child if these sorrows are not dismissed or talked down by the adult and if they are not distracted from, but if time is taken, empathy is felt and comfort is given. Children want to feel the love of their parents, not only by being told about it, but by being seen and taken care of, and not by being "processed". They want to receive love not only because of their actions and deeds, but first of all because of themselves, as the small, individual personality they already are. This brings them self-confidence and mental strength. Praise and recognition should also not be lacking, as well as indulgence and less of the strict, but more of the loving looks. This builds up the children.

Who wants to be constantly criticized, corrected and dictated to? The decisive factor is the right dosage. Not every action and every behavior requires evaluation. There is no need to sing a hymn of praise for every positive deed, and sometimes it makes a lot of sense to simply overlook mistakes. Evaluation and judgment cannot be avoided, but if it is, then only the act, not the whole child as a person, in the sense of, "What a jerk you are, leaving your jacket on the playground!" If children experience that making mistakes does not mean the end of the world, that one is not belittled and humiliated because of it, then they can deal with it constructively later on and stand by their mistakes.

Children need the feeling of "being valuable", they need experiences of value, recognition and also trust, which parents give them. They need affection, creative energy, good, healing words, encouragement, a sense of achievement, physical mobility, tenderness. And they need inspiration and meaning. They want to be given age-appropriate responsibility or responsible tasks where they feel they are contributing, doing something meaningful and making a difference. For example, by tending a plant or caring for an animal.