A Practical Guide to the Psychology of Success E-Book

Alison Price

• Herausgeber: Icon Books
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Serie: Practical Guide Series
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Seitenzahl: 228

Beschreibung

'A brilliant, brilliant book.' Ben Hunt-Davis MBE, Olympic Champion Men's Rowing 8+ Identify your dreams. Achieve your goals. Enjoy the process. In Psychology of Success, Alison and David Price help you to identify your personal vision of success, building goals around what you really want and what you have the potential to achieve. With the benefit of expert insights, real-life case studies and powerful techniques, you'll build day-to-day strategies to help define and reach your goals, overcome obstacles and succeed in the face of adversity. If you're looking to reach your full potential – whether it's making a personal change, achieving a sporting goal, or putting a business plan into practice – this book will give you the map to changing your life, and enjoying the journey.

Leseprobe

Praise for the first edition:

‘An excellent book giving a wide range of scientifically proven success techniques in a compact format. Highly readable and could change your life.’

Patrick Jordan, Business Psychologist and Honorary Professor at University College, London

Psychology of Success does exactly what it says on the cover: on every page there are practical guides for real life. I love being able to dive in and find useful and interesting tips to help me each day. A brilliant, brilliant book.’

Ben Hunt-Davis MBE, Olympic Champion Men’s Rowing 8+

PSYCHOLOGY OF SUCCESS

YOUR A-Z MAP TO ACHEIVING YOUR GOALS & ENJOYING THE JOURNEY

PSYCHOLOGY OF SUCCESS

ALISON PRICE & DAVID PRICE

Published in the UK in 2016 by Icon Books Ltd, Omnibus Business Centre, 39–41 North Road, London N7 9DP email: [email protected]

First edition published in the UK in 2011 by Icon Books Ltd

Sold in the UK, Europe and Asia by Faber & Faber Ltd, Bloomsbury House, 74–77 Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3DA or their agents

Distributed in the UK, Europe and Asia by Grantham Book Services, Trent Road, Grantham NG31 7XQ

Distributed in Australia and New Zealand by Allen & Unwin Pty Ltd, PO Box 8500, 83 Alexander Street, Crows Nest, NSW 2065

Distributed in South Africa by Jonathan Ball, Office B4, The District, 41 Sir Lowry Road, Woodstock 7925

Distributed in India by Penguin Books India, 7th Floor, Infinity Tower – C, DLF Cyber City, Gurgaon 122002, Haryana

Distributed in Canada by Publishers Group Canada, 76 Stafford Street, Unit 300 Toronto, Ontario M6J 2S1

Distributed in the USA by Publishers Group West 1700 Fourth Street, Berkeley, CA 94710

ISBN: 978-178578-021-9

Text copyright © 2011 and 2016 Alison and David Price

The authors have asserted their moral rights

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, or by any means, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

Typeset in Adobe Caslon by Marie Doherty

Printed and bound in the UK by Clays Ltd, St Ives plc

About the authors

Alison Price and David Price are co-founders of The Success Agents.

The Success Agents is a research and consulting firm that works with individuals, blue-chip businesses and prestigious organizations. We aim to inspire our clients, educating them about the mindset and behaviors that underpin success, great leadership and satisfaction with work and life. We support our clients to enjoy the journey of achieving milestones linked to meaningful goals, whether they’re leading a team of thousands, starting their own business or preparing to become the next CEO.

Alison is a Chartered Psychologist and an Occupational Psychologist. As well as being an inspirational keynote speaker, Alison lectures at Kingston University London and comments within the media on psychology. She was a semi-finalist in the competition ‘Britain’s Next Top Coach’.

David has spent two decades studying personal achievement and success. He holds qualifications in a wide range of disciplines, including positive psychology, sports psychology, peak performance coaching and neurolinguistic programming.

Alison and David are passionate about enabling you to discover what true success is, so get access to free training and resources at www.TheSuccessAgents.com.

Authors’ note

This book contains frequently-used research and methods. Where we know the source we have been sure to reference it, but our apologies here to the originators of any material if we have overlooked them.

Contents

About the authors

Authors’ note

Introduction

A.Activation!

B.Begin with the end in mind

C.Current versus future

D.Dare to dream

E.Effort

F.Fear

G.Goals

H.High

I.Interim steps

J.Just have a go!

K.Keep going

L.Learn

M.Modelling

N.Numbers

O.Opportunities

P.Preparation

Q.Quick wins

R.Rosenthal Effect

S.Self-belief

T.Team

U.Under pressure

V.Visualize success

W.Winning ingredient

X.eXtra mile

Y.Yes!

Z.Zeal

Conclusion

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Index

Introduction

Is there something you are hungry to achieve, an ambition that you dream about, or something that you really want that you don’t yet have? It could be in any area of your life, from succeeding in your career or running your own business to having better health, enjoying better relationships, meeting your life partner, gaining more security or loving life more.

If you have aspirations like these, you’re reading the right book. Whatever you want from life, the pages ahead will help you focus on your goals, achieving them in a way that’s faster and smarter, and will help you break through the obstacles that stand in your way.

It’s all too easy to go through life carrying with us the dreams of what we’d like to have to, to experience, to become; yet we fall short of what we hoped for. You may have great intentions, writing down your goals or setting New Year’s resolutions. Yet you’re so busy on the treadmill of daily life that you don’t have the time and energy to make enough progress – it might even make you contemplate whether you should abandon or postpone your dreams.

Perhaps you follow your ambitions anyway but you know that this success comes at a cost. Your health and relationships suffer or you become stressed and drained of the motivation that initially drove you. Or maybe you feel stuck, frustrated because you have energy and ambition but don’t know how to channel it, as you aren’t sure what your goal really is. As a result, your dreams don’t become reality.

Well, the good news is that our lives don’t have to be like this. You can achieve what you dream of, even if they’re very big dreams! The inspiring and exciting alternative to making do with what you’ve got is what we call the Psychology of Success. It is a pathway to achievement that is designed to enable you to have it all.

Our easy to follow A–Z guide to achieving whatever you want in life is a potent formula that will:

Rocket-power you towards an exciting destination,Confirm what the right destination is, andSupport you as you learn to love the journey and make time for the people and things that matter most in life.

Not only is our formula based on years of consulting and training in this field, it’s also based on powerful findings from the discipline of psychology. Together these give you a unique, winning recipe that will not only get you motivated, but will continue to fuel your motivation through your achievements.

As you read through, chapter-by-chapter, you’ll confirm whether or not, and how, your goals will help you to be happy in the long run, and you’ll be energized to take action in the right direction. You’ll be provided with the keys to unlocking the potential you already have such that you’ll be able to take more pleasure in and derive more meaning from every day. Your whole life will be enriched. That’s our view of true success, and we want to give you a map to get there.

Thousands of people already own a copy of Psychology of Success, and we love it when they tell us that they’ve read it for the fourth time, or that they have ordered twelve more copies for their friends and families because they were so inspired by it that they want to share it. We also love it when we hear stories of how embracing our philosophy has changed people’s lives.

Now this book is in your hands and it has the power to change your life too. We’d love to hear how Psychology of Success has inspired you, so do share your stories of success with us via our website. Enjoy the ride!

Alison and David Pricewww.TheSuccessAgents.com

CHAPTER A

Activation!

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Mike was aged ‘50-something’ when we had the pleasure of meeting him. He was a pleasant and relaxed man, with bright eyes and a smile on his face. Yet despite this, Mike was also quite frankly one of the most annoying people that you could meet when running a course on making the most out of your life and potential.

This wasn’t because, like some, Mike sat there all day with his arms firmly crossed and a sceptical look on his face that clearly read, ‘Go on then, motivate me!’ In contrast, he seemed to agree with the ethos of the course and was obviously engaged in learning. Yet despite this, in all the exercises designed to set goals and become energized to take action, Mike was adamant that there was absolutely nothing that he wanted to do differently in his life.

We’ve met many people who share Mike’s attitude in wanting to maintain the status quo. They see no need to change anything in their life because it’s okay as it is. But is this the best stance to take?

Rather than this common misconception, is there a different way to look at life?

THE VALUE OF HINDSIGHT

Time travel may not be possible, but we can seek advice from those older and wiser than us and ask them the question: ‘If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?’

Researcher Richard Leider has dedicated nearly 25 years to interviewing senior citizens, asking them just this question (let’s hope that he doesn’t regret spending all that time on it!). Fascinatingly, he found that, almost without exception, when senior citizens look back, they say the same things:

Firstly, make sure that you take regular ‘time out’ to look at the bigger picture, and to work out what you want from life. You get so caught up in the rat race of life that it usually takes a crisis to make you step back and re-visit what your priorities are.Secondly, be more courageous and take more risks. You are most alive when you are learning, growing, stretching and exploring.And finally, make sure that you work out, as early as possible in your life, what will make you genuinely fulfilled. Success is often measured in external ways, such as how big your house is or what job title you have, but the internal measure of how happy you feel inside is far more important.

This book will help you to achieve all of these things, so that you don’t come to share the same regrets as the senior citizens Richard Leider interviewed. It will inspire you to step back and work out what you want from life, challenging you to ensure that the success that you seek will actually lead to lasting fulfilment. It will then give you the confidence and techniques to help you to achieve your dreams.

A final insight from Richard Leider’s research: as you grow older, life picks up speed. As you hit the second half of your life, everything moves faster and all of a sudden you realize that you are in your retirement. Looking back, it is obvious that time is the most precious currency in your life.

try it now

On a piece of paper, draw a rectangle with 8 squares in it, like the one above.Assume that the boxes represent a person’s life expectancy of 80 years. Each box therefore represents 10 years.Shade the number of years that you have already lived (e.g. if you are 40, shade in 4 squares).Now shade off a third of the remainder – this represents the sleeping you are yet to do.Next, shade off 50% of the remainder, as research derived from the UK Office of National Statistics’ Time Use Survey (2005) shows that on average we spend: 5 years of our lives eating and drinking (6.25% of our lives)8 years doing household chores (10% of our lives)10 years working and studying (12.5% of our lives)2 years spent on personal care (2.5% of our lives)5 years commuting and travelling (6.25% of our lives)9 years watching television (11.25% of our lives)1 year spent on meetings (1.25% of our lives)Finally, think of anything else in the daily grind that takes up your time that hasn’t already been accounted for above. Shade away.

Consider your reaction to this exercise. How do you feel now? What have you learned about your time and your priorities?

SO WHAT WILL MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE?

After several hours of working with Mike, exasperated, we asked him, ‘Have you always felt this way? Have you always been confident that there is nothing you want to change in your life?’ Mike smiled and said:

No. About four years ago, I was driving on my bike and had an accident and very, very nearly died. Since then I have completely changed my attitude towards life and have made massive changes. I realized how precious it is and that it cannot be taken for granted.

Like Mike, many people are motivated to take action to make the most out of their lives following a wake-up call. Researcher Jonathan Haidt, from the University of Virginia, is fascinated by what happens to people like Mike who suffer a major life trauma.

Haidt learned that many people, far from finding the tremendous struggle makes their lives worse, discover that it helps them to grow. Specifically, it helps people to sort out their priorities in life and causes them to do things that are important to them and that they have perhaps not made time for up to that point. Adversity also acts as a filter – suddenly all of the petty and trivial concerns of everyday life become insignificant.

This message is poignantly highlighted by the story of Simon Weston. Simon was a 21-year-old solider aboard a British ship involved in the Falklands War. On 8 June 1982, enemy forces bombed the ship and Simon was caught in the blast. His body was covered in burns that disfigured him and have required over 70 major operations.

Despite his appalling trauma, in his book, Moving On, Simon says:

Getting injured wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me. In some ways it was even the best. Look at all the positive aspects of my life that have grown from my injuries. In the end, it’s not what happens to you that counts, but what you do about it. What matters is where you are going to take your life and how you are going to makes things better.

Since suffering his injuries Simon has become dedicated to helping others, driving him to achieve a number of feats, including running the New York City Marathon, as well as some he was petrified of, such as skydiving.

SEIZE THE DAY

If many people do take action to make the most out of their lives and potential following a wakeup call, the key message is this: why wait for a wake-up call to change your life?

Unless you have the fortune to be a genuine clairvoyant (if indeed such a person exists!) then you will never know what is going to happen to you in life. Although many of us live our lives thinking, ‘That’s an awful story, but that would never happen to me’, the harsh reality of life is that it could.

But more than that, wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could reap the benefits of achieving more from your life without having to survive a major life trauma. Make this the day that you seize the day.

try it now

Imagine that you found out that you only had 24 hours to live.

What would you do?Who would you want to speak to?What would you want to say to them?

Your answers to the above questions highlight what’s important to you. Is this what you’re currently prioritizing in your life, or do you need to refocus how you spend your time?

USEFUL TIPS

Take time out to look at the bigger picture of your life. Extend your comfort zone; take on a little extra risk.Your time is very precious; spend it doing what will be most rewarding.

REMEMBER

Get activated to succeed now, or in other words:

Dig a well before you are thirsty.

Harvey Mackay

CHAPTER B

Begin with the end in mind

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

Did you know that a study of the richest Americans revealed that 37% are less happy than the average American? If these people had been pursuing wealth as a means of happiness, that’s what we would call being ‘successfully unsuccessful’.

So, before we give you powerful techniques that will rocket power you to achieve your goals, we want to make sure that you are aiming for the right thing (especially if you’re dreaming of becoming the next billionaire).

Drawing upon Stephen Covey’s ‘jungle clearing’ story as an analogy: it doesn’t matter how successful you are at felling trees and clearing undergrowth, or indeed how hard you work, if ultimately you are in the wrong jungle.

try it now

Before we explore any further, find a blank piece of paper and draw a picture to represent your dream life. Ask yourself, if I could make my life as good as it possibly could be, what would it look like?

It is important to remember this is about what makes you happy, not other people. What would your 10 out of 10 life be?

If you don’t want to draw your ideal life, have a go thinking about your dream life using our FLOURISH model:

F: Friends – the people who you socialize with

L: Love – your romantic relationships

O: Occupation – how you spend your ‘working’ time

U: Usual environment – your home, its setting and the lifestyle opportunities it offers

R: Relatives – your relationships with your family members

I: Income – your personal finances

S: Spare time – how you spend your ‘free’ time

H: Health – your physical well-being

How would you FLOURISH? Write down what would be happening in each of the above aspects of your dream life.

WHY DO PEOPLE END UP BEING ‘SUCCESSFULLY UNSUCCESSFUL?’

Although it has been challenged as being somewhat over-simplistic, Abraham Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs can still be really helpful in understanding why people end up in ‘the wrong jungle’ in the first place.

First here’s a quick overview of what the hierarchy of needs is: in 1943, Maslow proposed that we have five different types of needs. They all need to be satisfied, but critically, in the following order:

Basic needs – things we can’t survive without, such as air, water, food and shelter; thenSafety needs – like protection from physical harm or having the financial security to continue to support our basic needs; thenSocial needs – satisfying our human requirement for companionship and involvement with others; thenEsteem needs – the requirement to be respected and valued or to be able to display signs of wealth and prestige; and finallySelf-actualization – the need to be everything that you are capable of being, and reaching your full potential in life.

Case Study THE HIERARCHY OF NEEDS IN ACTION

To see how the hierarchy of needs plays out in everyday life, let’s follow the story of Joe Average, who has recently graduated from university.

Over the past three years Joe has spent way too much money on beer and he is now officially broke, so he heads straight back to his parents to put a roof over his head and food on the table, therefore satisfying his basic needs (and clearly to satisfy the basic need of having his washing done for him too!).

After weeks of him loafing around the house watching daytime television, Joe’s mother gives him a kick up the backside and sends him down to the local recruitment agency to get a job. Joe somehow manages to land himself a low-level job in a good company. He begins to get a regular income and is able to pay for his own food, contribute some rent and begin to pay off his debts, therefore meeting some safety needs.

Joe has also made some new friends at work and has even found a girlfriend (that his mother actually likes), ticking lots of boxes in terms of his social needs. Joe then manages to get a permanent job in his company. The job is still nowhere near his dream job, but the pay is much better, and over the years he manages to do quite well at it. He gets promoted, becomes more qualified and earns the words ‘manager’ and then ‘senior manager’ in his job title. Joe’s esteem needs are comfortably met, especially with his nice new BMW convertible decorating the car park every day. He even manages to marry the girl that his mother liked.

But Joe hits 40 and his world is rocked by the sudden and unexpected death of his mother. He is haunted by his last phone call to her, when he had to cancel coming round to see her for dinner because he was asked to prepare a work presentation at short notice. Joe realizes that although he has a nice wife, he actually spends very little time with her and instead passes a lot of his existence (he can’t call it ‘life’) sitting in his glass box of an office doing a job he doesn’t enjoy and never even wanted in the first place. There’s no time for the gym and so now not only is he the proud owner of a set of BMW tyres, but also a hefty ‘spare tyre’ around his waist.

Then, to top it all off, he receives notice that he has been made redundant. A harsh moment of reality strikes – Joe should have prioritized dinner with his mother over the now pointless meeting. At the time, she didn’t seem important enough. What else was he failing to prioritize?

The point of this story is that many of us drift through life, very successfully climbing the hierarchy of needs, reaching close (but not close enough) to the top. This is being successfully unsuccessful.

If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll probably end up someplace else.

Lawrence J. Peter

REACHING REAL SUCCESS

The problem is that we can reach a point of realization where we find that, because we didn’t ‘begin with the end in mind’, we are near the top of the hierarchy, but our current life cannot support us to move any higher. We are stuck. It often takes a life crisis, like bereavement or a redundancy, to get us to stop and think what we ultimately want from our lives.

But there is an even more sobering question to consider when trying to begin with the end in mind. That is: ‘Do I actually have the right end in mind?’ We have asked you to draw what 10 out of 10 life would look like for you, and that was asking you to begin with the end in mind. Now we want to make the crucial point that even if you made the dream on that piece of paper come true, you still might not be happy.

THINK ABOUT IT

Imagine that you have just picked up the keys to your very own, multi-million dollar house in glamorous Hollywood. It’s stunning – marble floors, contemporary but elegant bathrooms with the highest specification of fixtures and fittings. You have your very own swimming pool and hot tub. Life is perfect.

As you pull up to the impressive gates of your new home for the first time as the owner, you glance up the hill next to you and see Jennifer Aniston’s hill-top mansion. With a pang of envy you think, ‘What would it be like to live in a house with that view?’

A critical piece of advice from this chapter: when considering what your dream life would be like, be aware of the research that shows us that even when you are really successful, you quickly adapt to what you acquire and you simply want more.

This is what psychologists call the principle of hedonic adaptation. For example, when you first climb into your brand new car, you feel a buzz of excitement. When you climb in the second time, it’s exciting, but less so. By the 547th time you get into the same car it barely has any impact on you at all.

This may help to explain why the richest Americans aren’t happier than the average American – they’ve adapted to their wealth and still have yet to reach the top of the hierarchy of needs or discover what will really make them happy. The impact of wealth on personal happiness is well summed up by the late David Lykken, who was Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota: ‘People who go to work in their overalls on the bus are just as happy, on average, as those in suits who drive to work in their own Mercedes.’

ACHIEVING GENUINE SUCCESS

Many people define success in terms of money or possessions. However, an increasing amount of research makes it clear that most people aren’t aware of the difference between what they think will make them happy and what will actually make them happy.

I’m sure we aren’t the only people to look out of the window on a miserably cold, wet British day and think how much happier we would be if we lived in a sunnier climate. We are therefore fascinated by a piece of research in Martin Seligman’s book, Authentic Happiness. This research found that people from Nebraska (who live through harsh winter weather) think that they would be happier if they lived in California, but intriguingly there is no difference in happiness levels between people in Nebraska and California. We perhaps forget that many of the things that stress us out would still stress us out even if we lived in a perfect climate, and perhaps don’t appreciate how quickly we take our surroundings for granted.

So then, when beginning with the end in mind, what should we focus on if we want to achieve real success and fulfilment in our lives? In the next couple of chapters, we’ll show you a map that will help you on your journey towards achieving fulfilment. However, in the meantime here are some things to think about as you start the ignition.

It’s worth setting goals aimed at making your relationships as strong as they can be. Research shows that having focused, trusting social relationships makes us happy. Also, set goals that include doing something that is meaningful to you. It can be difficult to comprehend what your purpose is in life, but it’s certainly worth trying to work out sooner rather than later what this is and aligning yourself with it. The clear message from modern research and the wise words of our elders is that living life with a sense of purpose and meaning is ultimately what makes you feel fulfilled.

One way you could begin to discover what it is that would fulfil you is to answer this question we regularly pose: ‘If money were no object, what would you want to spend your time doing?’ Think through your answer to this question, because it will reveal insights into what it is that you consider meaningful.

try it now