after apocalypse E-Book

Dianne Foit

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 40

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

after apocalypse is a poetry book that dianne started in the middle of 2021, dealing with all topics that they had to deal without throughout the year that as both tragic and the best year of her life. it contains poetry about self love, coming out several times, mental illness, losing people, happiest moments, success and failure, progress and never giving up no matter what happens.

Leseprobe

don’t you get too close to a poet and don’t hurt them they’ll turn you into mighty words that will shiver down your spine and everyone who knows them will know your name without them every mentioning a single syllable

dianne madison foit 2021

for lea who inspired me to start writing again for teresa who is my safe place after all

and for felix who never stopped believing in me

“This is the voice in your head that says, "You do not want this"

This is the ache that says, "You do not want him"

This is the glimmer of light that you're keepin' alive

When you tell yourself, "Bet I could fuck him"

Why do you need love so badly?

Bet it's because of her daddy

Bet she was brutal and bratty

Bet that she'll never be happy”

Halsey, “Whispers”

- or a song that i would have needed many many months ago

Contents

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

Danksagung

chapter one

winter

and the first tragedy

it’s even more horrendous when you clearly know

you tried everything you could he tried everything he could

and both of us remain toxic anddisappointed

the forever that i wanted to mean wasn e v e r

meant to be

-tragedy nr.1

i was never a lesbian i was suffering from internalized biphobia

while having casual sex which i hate

but the more i don't wanna be something the more i pretend that i amsomething else

and i’m wandering from attachment to attachment to falling for someone new again

they seem so perfect in my idealizing brain

you got me heavily

you’re not a man you are better than them my queen of darkness

i’m crying in my sheets with this new girl

i’m crying in the sheets of some stranger like 10 years older than me

all i want is to be sexual again

but it’s so hard to find yourself again like that

when you’ve been ruined again

even though he promised to be different

i was addicted to my mom but i’m letting go but projected the fears she left in me

onto my bestie who became my safe place after i left and was left behind

-it explains so much, it scares me

the lack of someone sexually being attracted to me and showing it

made me sell my body sell mysoul

to receive less than planned and being disgusted afterwards

-prostitution, one time, never again

when i kinda tried to admit my feelings showing you the song

“flawless” with the quote

“i just can’t wait for love to destroy us”

i wasn’t expecting it to actually happen

like, now i know i destroyed you too

but i know i was hurting to traumatic points

you might deserve an apology from me but i deserve an apology from

the world who made me like that

who made me think i had to stay

who didn’t give me other options

mono-amatonormativity is traumatic

-tragedy nr.1

i cried in stranger’s arms while senselessly fucking everyone who seemed nice to break my own heart

with you again, it seemed so perfect

and i cried over it

not about your love not about our future

you made me see no future after all

i am my own future

i can't go back to normal after splitting after trauma after torture

it's not your fault, it's mine. it's not my fault, it's yours.

it's about all and none of us.

just a disaster that taught me a lot about myself but don’t you DARE expect me to still be your friend now.

-tragedy nr. 1

would have been our anniversary tomorrow two years we said forever

i meant it bpd obsession meant it my aromantic ass didn't the heavy splitting didn't

my loyalty did.

we've been a group of three

you two have each other i have no one left

no one that i don't need though

polyamory shows me

that my kind of love is just as valid as any other kind that my view on love is realistic and that being vulnerable and intimate is nothing to only share with one person

and most importantly

that i am complete on my own

mbti is more than just a test

it’s about understanding oneself one’s surroundings connecting

and understanding why some connections appear much harder than others.

it’s saving me

-i have no clue how it started tho

i thought 2021 would be the end for me nothing to be glad about look forward to enjoy

you leaving five days in made me realize you were the heaviness not the happiness that i considered you to be

-tragedy nr. 1

and i kissed a few more mouths some new some old some wrong some right touched some people closer

more than the years before

feeling free

desired and

accepted

by others but finally by myself

-after tragedy nr.1

i sold you my whole body

and you didn’t hesitate to use me

of course, you didn’t have