Backstairs Billy E-Book

Marcelo Dos Santos

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Serie: NHB Modern Plays
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 101

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

'One can't help where one is born. Or one's station, of course. The trick to happiness is to be content where one is. Or so I am told.' 1979. Clarence House, London. The Queen Mother's receptions are in full swing and the champagne is flowing. Guiding the proceedings is William 'Billy' Tallon, page of the backstairs, keeper of the keys, holder of the royal corgis – and the royal secrets. Outside the palace walls, unemployment, inflation and industrial action are bringing Britain to its knees, and the country is on the verge of changing seismically under Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. These two worlds are about to collide, with dizzying consequences for everyone... Backstairs Billy examines the fifty-year relationship between the Queen Mother and her most loyal, most outrageous servant, who joined her household at the age of fifteen. Marcelo Dos Santos's irreverent comedy was first produced by the Michael Grandage Company at the Duke of York's Theatre, London, in 2023, directed by Grandage and starring Penelope Wilton and Luke Evans. Marcelo Dos Santos was named Most Promising Playwright at the 2024 Critics' Circle Theatre Awards for Backstairs Billy (he was the joint winner of the award with Matilda Feyiṣayọ Ibini).

Leseprobe

Marcelo Dos Santos

BACKSTAIRS BILLY

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Original Production

Acknowledgements

Characters

Backstairs Billy

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

Backstairs Billy was commissioned by MGC, produced by MGC and Sand & Snow Entertainment, and first performed at the Duke of York’s Theatre, London, on 7 November 2023 (previews from 27 October). The cast was as follows:

THE QUEEN MOTHER

Penelope Wilton

WILLIAM ‘BILLY’ TALLON

Luke Evans

ANNABEL MAUDE/ LADY MIFFIE ASTLEBURY

Emily Barber

GWYDION

Iwan Davies

MR KERR

Ian Drysdale

YOUNG BILLY

Ilan Galkoff

IAN

Eloka Ivo

MR HARRINGTON-BAHR/ HUGO MCCOYD

Michael Simkins

MRS HARRINGTON-BAHR/ LADY ADELINE

Nicola Sloane

PALACE STAFF

David Buttle Keanu Adolphus Johnson Amy Newton Georgie Rhys Jacob Ethan Tanner

Director

Michael Grandage

Set Designer

Christopher Oram

Costume Designers

Christopher Oram and Tom Rand

Lighting Designer

Ryan Day

Composer and Sound Designer

Adam Cork

Wigs, Hair and Make-up Designer

Carole Hancock

Casting Director

Acknowledgements

Thanks to: Carol McGowan, Rhys Warrington, Kenny Emson, Satya Bhabha, Dr Laura Schwartz, Simon Blakey and Seán Butler at The Agency, as well as all at Nick Hern Books. And biggest thank-you of all to Michael Grandage and Nick Frankfort for commissioning and staging this production and all the work the Michael Grandage Company does to support theatre artists through the MGC Futures Bursary.

M.D.S.

Characters

WILLIAM (BILLY) TALLON THE QUEEN MOTHER GWYDION IAN MR KERR ANNABEL MAUDE MRS HARRINGTON-BAHR MR HARRINGTON-BAHR LADY MIFFIE ASTLEBURY HUGO MCCOYD LADY ADELINE YOUNG BILLY

Additional FOOTMEN, MAIDS

Setting

Clarence House, London, 1979 and 1952.

This play is a fictitious work based in part on real people. Characters and incidents have been invented by the author for dramatic and comedic purposes.

Scene One

April, 1979. The Garden Room of Clarence House.

At the centre of the room is a double door leading to a hallway which can be glimpsed when the doors are opened. There are also doors either side of the room.

It is exactly as you expect the Queen Mother’s house: pinks, pastels, chintz. It’s glorious and defiantly dated, even for the time.

There are a series of small tables, plinths for vases, and sideboards lining the walls. In the centre is a giant rose-coloured rug and in the centre of that, a sofa and a few small armchairs.

The central door opens. We expect a person, instead three corgis enter the room.

A beat as they sniff around.

Enter BILLY (forty-four, tall, a sweep of dyed-black hair, immaculate morning suit) followed by a line of MAIDS and FOOTMEN, including GWYDION (mid-twenties) carrying flowers in vases all in different shades of pink: camellias, Albertine roses, sweet peas.

The dogs bark. BILLY looks at the corgis and they run offstage.

BILLY swiftly but carefully walks along the edge of the carpet to one end of the room. The SERVANTS form a line, awaiting his orders.

He carefully appraises the flower arrangements.

BILLY. Rosewood.

One moves towards a rosewood table, keeping to the side of the rug.

Occasional.

Another SERVANT peels off towards the occasional table.

Sideboard.

Another SERVANT goes towards a sideboard.

BILLY indicates a SERVANT with two quite similar flowers in their hands.

Plinth. Plinth.

The SERVANT puts them on the plinths.

Pier.

A fifth SERVANT goes outside into the corridor.

They place the vases in the appointed position in sync, they look up for his approval.

Rosewood occasional. Occasional rosewood.

They criss-cross, place and wait for his approval.

He keeps them in suspense.

He walks to each, perhaps turns the vase.

Sideboard, occasional, occasional, pier.

They start moving.

(Louder.) Pier?

The SERVANT in the corridor returns with the flowers.

Sideboard.

He goes to the sideboard.

No. Absolutely not. Sideboard?

GWYDION. Yes, sir?

BILLY. Rosewood. Rosewood sideboard.

They criss-cross and then, in sync, place down the vases.

Plinth?

BILLY considers the flowers and their placement.

Plinth.

He gestures for the two vases on the plinth to be swapped.

The two vases on the plinths are swapped but are essentially identical.

Very good. There it is.

He nods his head; the remaining staff take this as a cue, except for GWYDION who seems unsure of his exit and goes to cross the carpet.

You.

GWYDION. Sir?

BILLY. Stop.

Caught, GWYDION stops in his tracks.

What are you doing?

GWYDION. The guests…

BILLY. The edge.

GWYDION. Sir?

BILLY. Step to the edge.

GWYDION hesitates.

The edge of the carpet. The very edge.

GWYDION. Like this?

GWYDION steps away from the centre of the carpet.

BILLY. Yes, like that. Well done, dearie. Now come here.

GWYDION moves towards him.

No, along the edge. The centre of the carpet is reserved for the family. You must always, always walk on the edge.

GWYDION starts the L-shaped walk along the edge of the carpet to reach BILLY. He is self-conscious, hesitant.

A little quicker now. Quicker, quicker, dear God, boy, who have you got up there?

He shuffles along faster. He reaches BILLY.

Oh, you made it, well done.

GWYDION. Thank you, sir.

BILLY. Now, what is it?

GWYDION. The guests are waiting.

BILLY. Well, I should hope so.

GWYDION. Should we bring them in?

BILLY. We will do nothing. I will bring them from the Lancaster Room at three p.m., is it three p.m.?

GWYDION. No, sir.

BILLY. It is three p.m. in exactly… twelve minutes. And her majesty will be precisely fifteen minutes late. She is fond of an entrance.

GWYDION. Yes, sir.

BILLY. You’re new.

GWYDION. Yes, sir.

BILLY. Name?

GWYDION. Gwydion, sir.

BILLY. Did Reg hire you?

GWYDION. Yes. Sir. My friend Gary, sir. Gary Lewis, he used to work here, sir. He was a junior footman, sir, and he said I should speak to –

BILLY. Lewis? Oh, yes. (Looks at GWYDION afresh.) Yes… I remember Gary. Northern?

GWYDION. Yes.

BILLY. Tall?

GWYDION. Yes.

BILLY. Chipped tooth?

GWYDION. Yes.

BILLY. Stupendously hung?

GWYDION. Yes.

Beat.

I mean –

BILLY. It wasn’t a question. Everybody knows Gary…

GWYDION. Yes, sir.

A moment of connection between the two men.

BILLY. Works at a pub in Soho now, yes?

GWYDION. The Duncan, yes.

BILLY. The Duncan indeed. And what did Gary tell you about us?

GWYDION. He said it was interesting.

BILLY. How kind of him. What else?

GWYDION. That he learnt a lot.

BILLY. Now I know you’re lying. He told you the address and that food and board’s included.

GWYDION. Yes, sir, he did mention that.

BILLY. Well, it is quite the postcode, but the food is inedible and it’s not all bedhopping. I hope he told you that too.

GWYDION. Yes, sir.

BILLY. We shall see. Stand up.

GWYDION. Sir?

BILLY. Stand up. Up up up up up. Head on a string. There. Maintain that. As a footman you will need to be able to stand and stand for hours on end; to be utterly present without ever distracting. To be always ready without appearing to want. It is hard, hard work and there can be no mistakes.

GWYDION. Yes, sir.

BILLY. Especially today. I’m afraid word has reached us that her majesty has had a trying morning.

GWYDION. Is she ill?

BILLY. Of course not. Her majesty is never ill. She is only very occasionally tired. This morning has been trying.

GWYDION. Because of the man from the bank?

BILLY. Who told you that?

GWYDION. No one, sir.

BILLY. That kind of talk is completely unacceptable.

GWYDION. Sorry, sir.

BILLY. I will not tolerate gossip inside of these walls and outside of these walls it’s a criminal offence, is that clear?

GWYDION. Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir.

BILLY. Discretion is absolutely essential.

He looks around.

For us all. You’re very lucky it was only me who heard.

GWYDION. Thank you, sir.

BILLY. Remember, it is not for us to speculate on the whys of anything. Her majesty is hugely busy and has meetings with all sorts of advisers, all of the time, financial and otherwise. The details do not concern us. All that matters to us, is knowing what she wants. If you are serious about being a footman, that is the most important thing to master. We are there to give her what she wants before she even knows what she wants. And what she tends to want after that sort of meeting, which tends to be… ‘trying’, is for everything to run like clockwork. It’s not too much to ask, is it?

GWDYION. No, sir.

BILLY. She has after all given so much for this country.

GWYDION. Yes, sir. The war, sir.

BILLY. Up, up, up.

GWYDION raises his head.

BILLY considers him.

And do you like it so far?

GWYDION. What, sir?

BILLY. Service? Clarence House?

GWYDION. Very much so, sir.

BILLY. Why?

GWYDION. I like knowing what I’m doing.

BILLY. Which is amusing, because you don’t.

GWYDION. Yes, sir. I know, sir. But I like that there is a proper way of doing things.

BILLY takes this in, then moves away.

BILLY. Yes, you’re quite good-looking.

GWYDION. Thank you, sir.

BILLY. From certain angles. (Turning back.) That one.

GWYDION. Sir?

BILLY. But not that one. There.

GWYDION freezes.

Stay like that, indefinitely if possible. You stand beside priceless works of art, you open doors older than modern democracy, you walk the same halls as ancient princes, it’s only right, it’s only proper that you have some sort of bearing, don’t you think? It’s not like we ask for O levels.

GWYDION. I have O levels.

BILLY (camping it up). Well, hark at her; I don’t, dearie.

GWYDION. I’m sorry, sir.

BILLY. Don’t be sorry, I’m not. Can’t see the point myself.

Beat.

But I take it you don’t object?

GWYDION. What’s that, sir?

BILLY. I take it you don’t entirely object to being… an ornament?

GWYDION. No, sir…

A frisson.

BILLY. Very good. And it appears you can stand which knowing Gary Lewis is something of a miracle. Knowing Gary, it’s a wonder you can walk.

GWYDION. Where there’s a will there’s a way, sir.

BILLY laughs.

BILLY. That’s the spirit.

MR KERR (early fifties, an equerry) enters.

KERR. Billy?

An awkward formality asserts itself.

BILLY (turning to KERR). Mr Kerr, how can I help?

KERR. Is everything in place?

BILLY. Naturally.

KERR looks at GWYDION.

KERR. Who are you?

BILLY. Mr Kerr, this is Gwydion.

KERR. Are you new? What’s he doing here? Is he new?

BILLY. He is. He’s Welsh.

KERR. Was I informed?

BILLY. About the Welsh? I’d like to think we’re in a constant state of readiness.

KERR. I need to be informed, William, when you are taking on new staff.

BILLY (to GWYDION). Wait outside.

GWYDION exits.

BILLY goes to the drinks cabinet. He starts taking out various bottles and properly setting up the drinks.

KERR. Well, Billy.

BILLY. Mr Kerr?

KERR. Her majesty is very much looking forward to the reception for this afternoon.

BILLY. That is my understanding.

KERR. And keen for all to go well.

BILLY. Well, yes, naturally… Or do you mean particularly after this morning? This morning was quite the inconvenience.

KERR (warning). Billy.

BILLY (innocent). Yes, Mr Kerr?

KERR. We are never inconvenienced.

BILLY bows gravely, delicately balancing the formal with the ironic.

BILLY. I speak, of course, of her majesty’s inconvenience, which if I understand my duties correctly is to at the very least ameliorate, if not entirely banish from the face of the earth.

KERR sighs.

But why her majesty has to submit herself to scrutiny of that little man from Coutts I’ll never know.

KERR. And it is not for you to know.

Beat.

BILLY. Is that all, Mr Kerr?

KERR. Actually, there is a certain member of the WI attending the reception.

BILLY. Mrs Harrington-Bahr.

KERR. Mr and Mrs Harrington-Bahr do not drink.

BILLY. Not even champagne?

KERR. Not even champagne.

BILLY. Not even for her majesty? How terribly unpatriotic. Oh well, desperately sad news but we shall overcome. I will make sure we have the finest PG Tips at the ready and I will send out for… a mug?

KERR. And I would request most strongly that the ‘enjoyment’ generally could be contained / somewhat moving forward.

BILLY. Curtailed?

KERR. Not curtailed, just contained.