Be Thou My Good E-Book

Joseph Marcia

• Herausgeber: Podium Publishing
• Kategorie: Fantasy und Science-Fiction
• Serie: The Devil's Foundry
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 395

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

The first book in a witty and innovative fantasy series in which nemeses—a Supervillainess and a Hero—must team up when stranded in a strange new world.   It's not easy being the most famous and attractive villain in the United States, but somebody has to do it. And it might as well be Via Rodriguez, aka "Empress." Via's used to outsmarting the ever-so-arrogant Heroes that come her way. Her wicked schemes take an unexpected turn, however, after a getaway gone wrong lands both her and her current foe—the annoyingly perky Electra—in the middle of an unknown land that is definitely not Earth.   Silverwall is bizarre, to put it bluntly. Via is suddenly imbued with diabolical magical powers; an annoying menu keeps popping up to tell her about mana and Status Points; and no one has even heard of the Internet. Stripped of her usual gadgets, carefully laid plans, and social cred, Via will have to rely on her wits, charm, and newfound demonic skills to navigate tricky local politics and amass enough allies and minions to survive. But if she ever wants to actually make it back home, she'll need to cooperate with the last person in the world she'd ever want to team up with: Electra.   Fast-paced and snarky, Be Thou My Good turns some of the most popular tropes from role-playing games and genre novels alike on their heads to present an irresistible new take on the eternal battle between do-gooders and evil geniuses.   The first volume of the hit LitRPG fantasy series—with more than one million views on Royal Road—now available on Audible and wherever ebooks are sold!  

Leseprobe

BE THOU MY GOOD

The Devil’s Foundry • Book 1

JOSEPH MARCIA

AKA ARGENTORUM

To Dahlia, who dreamed of poisonous hummingbirds

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without prior written permission from Podium Publishing.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living, dead, or undead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2022 by Joseph Marcia

ISBN 978-1-0394-0866-1

Cover design by Podium Publishing

Published in 2022 by Podium Publishing, ULC

www.podiumaudio.com

Contents

Chapter 1 You Either Die a Villain, or…

Chapter 2 Something Fish-ed This Way Comes

Chapter 3 Prosperous New Relationships

Chapter 4 It’s the Destination

Chapter 5 Murphy’s Law

Chapter 6 Wash Your Back If You’ll Wash Mine

Chapter 7 Roads Less Traveled

Chapter 8 What Lurks in the Shadows

Chapter 9 Friendly Neighborhood; Spiders, Men

Chapter 10 Good Help Is Hard to Find

Chapter 11 Basic Operations

Chapter 12 Relly Good Deals

Chapter 13 Who Needs a Map?

Chapter 14 Dress to Empress

Chapter 15 Rolling Stones

Chapter 16 Hello, Neighbor!

Chapter 17 Quest Complete!

Chapter 18 An Offer You Can’t Refuse

Chapter 19 One Day I Will Call Upon You

Chapter 20 Conspiracy Cute

Chapter 21 A Computer Is Just a Rock People Tricked Into Believing It Could Think

Chapter 22 I Dreamed a Dream

Chapter 23 Startup Capital

Chapter 24 Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

Chapter 25 Making Connections

Chapter 26 Rel Event

Chapter 27 A Bird in the Hand

Chapter 28 Two in the Bush

Chapter 29 Lightning the Way

Chapter 30 Pieces and Places

Chapter 31 Hurry Up and Wait

Chapter 32 Set ’Em Up

Chapter 33 Knock ’Em Down

Chapter 34 Endgame

Epilogue All According to Plan

Preview Be Thou My Brilliant

About the Author

CHAPTER 1

You Either Die a Villain, or…

I stumbled out of the smoke, hacking and coughing as my lungs tried to eject themselves by way of my throat.

“God…” I half doubled over, eyes stinging. “Damn it…” I waved a hand frantically through the air before giving it up as a bad job and collapsing to the sand—sand?!—beneath me.

“Well.” My voice was raspy from the smoke. “This wasn’t part of the plan…”

I scooped up a handful of sand, the white grains standing out starkly against the smooth black leather of my glove. Last I’d checked, I was supposed to land in Antarctica. Albeit that was before my escape portal had exploded in my face like a poorly planned gender reveal party.

Just an occupational hazard of being the most famous, and attractive, Supervillain in the continental United States.

Even still, as I pushed myself up, I couldn’t keep the small moue of disappointment from crossing my face. I’d escaped, but I’d failed, and my DoomTron 5000 had exploded along with the portal.

Ah, those would be bits and pieces of my life’s work sticking out of the sand. I blinked slowly at the sight of millions upon millions of dollars in rare alloys, precision circuitry, and years of my life smoldering on a beachfront in the middle of nowhere. All because of—

“Empress! Stop hiding already!”

I sighed.

Electra.

“I don’t know what you did,” the Hero called, “but it won’t be enough to escape this time!”

I cast my eyes towards the sky. God, if you ever did exist, strike me down right this instant.

Unfortunately, I remained unsmote.

Checkmate, atheists.

Wait.

With another sigh, I pushed the stupid thought away and strode out of the smoke. A gust off the ocean cleared the air, revealing my nemesis. “Behind you.”

Electra spun, sparks of blue-white lightning racing up through her spiked blond hair. “Empress.”

My name dripped like a curse from her tongue.

I allowed myself a small smirk. “Try actually looking around next time.”

The Hero clenched her fists. “You won’t get away this time.”

“You said that already.” I cocked my head. “Did the lightning fry your brain too?”

She smirked, air ionizing around her in a series of short pops. “I’d be happy to fry yours.”

Just as arrogant as every Hero.

“There’s just one problem with that.” I pointed down.

Electra glanced at the sand before. “Wha—shit!”

She leapt to the side, dodging a small wave as it lapped against the sand.

I laughed. “You really should keep a better lid on your weaknesses, Electra!”

The Hero danced back from the surf, lightning sparking at her fingertips. “How’d you even find out about that?”

I began to walk to the side, idly twirling a lock of black hair around my finger. “Well, I may have paid a visit to your organization’s super secret servers.” I smirked at her. “I also made sure to update your fan-page, by the way.”

“You ass!” She threw out her arm, releasing an explosive blast of electricity. I danced back, laughing again as it grounded on a jagged hunk of metal.

That would be the DoomTron 5000’s codpiece if I remembered correctly. What a shame.

“Careful! You wouldn’t want to hurt someone.”

I continued to circle, even as I dodged the following blasts of electricity. With a few steps, I’d put Electra between me and the ocean.

“I’ll show you exactly how much I want to hurt you.” The Hero flexed her hands, sinking down into a sprinter’s crouch.

“How much power do you have left, by the way?” I asked. She paused. “I know my robot exploded before you could eat his power core, you glutton.”

Electra glared at me, hands sinking into the sand. Arcs of electricity dancing around her form, lighting up the blue fabric of her costume. She didn’t expend the ones that grounded back into her body. Instead, she just preserved the charge like some kind of perpetual motion engine.

Gee, I wish I had an ability that broke physics over its knee. Do you know the things I could have done with a room-temperature superconductor?

Even one that came in such an awkward shape.

“Well?” I spread my arms. “Come on then! Weren’t you going to show me what for?”

She frowned. “You’re baiting me.”

I smirked. “Is it working?”

Electra stood, moving to the right as I tracked my way down the beach. I felt my smile grow wider. “You want me to bet it all, don’t you?” Her lips quirked into a smirk of her own. “You think you can get me to blow my load like a virgin at a sorority party.”

“You’d know all about sororities, wouldn’t you?”

“About as much as you know about virgins, yeah!” She snapped her fingers up into a gun.

My eyes widened. I threw myself to the side as a lance of lightning pierced the air. The boom beat against my ears. I sprawled across the sand, ducking behind another scrap of metal just in time to dodge the second shot.

“You’re not the only one who can be smart!”

I grunted. A hit like that wouldn’t kill me through my armor, but it would knock my lights out for sure. And here I wanted a nice civil battle where she wore herself out doing no appreciable damage.

“You’re more of a smart ass in my book.” I rolled to my feet. Electra’s gun snapped to me.

I threw the piece of scrap metal I’d scooped up. The electricity arced to and grounded itself against the sand.

I charged.

Electra’s eyes widened in surprise.

Us ‘smart’ villains were supposed to keep our distance, after all.

I grabbed a large metal rod as I sprinted, throwing it like a javelin. My form was crap, but sometimes the destination mattered more than the journey, no matter what your useless guidance counselor told you every day for four years.

Electra’s next bolt of lightning was stronger, enough to send spots dancing through my eyes. It hit my impromptu javelin. I jumped.

The arcing bolt curved in the air.

But not to me.

Oh, it was closer this time—Electra wasn’t dumb, just an idiot— but even she couldn’t make an ionization channel so impervious that it could go through a conductor without grounding itself and also curve up towards me in nonconductive armor.

Instead, the bolt of literal lightning hit the sand with a boom, kicking up a spray of water and dirt that popped as it hit Electra’s costume.

Unfortunately, this also meant I was airborne, suspended above the Hero whose arm was already tracking up towards me. Sparks raced to her fingers as she geared up for another shot.

I kicked.

It wasn’t a very good kick, to be honest. I was always more of a stay-at-home-and-study type of girl.

But that just meant I folded people into pretzels with my mind instead of my fists.

And Electra, if you could pardon the phrase, fell right into my trap.

She stepped back into the surf.

In a heartbeat, a massive jolt of her charge drained out of her, grounding into the absolutely magnificent conductor of the ocean.

“Jesus!” Electra leaned forward, hopping out of the water.

And then I hit her like a shit-ton of bricks.

I might not have been the heaviest thing in the world, at five foot nothing sans heels, but my armor was a different story.

We crashed into the waves, and my hands clamped down on her wrists as Electra lit up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. The lightning surged into the water in a massive blast, forcing me to close my eyes against the steam.

Of course, in my insulated suit, the most I got was a slight tingling sensation as every hair on my body stood up.

And then it was over.

Electra glared up at me, water lightly lapping at her blond hair, messing up her press-conference-perfect updo. I patted her once on the cheek, just to drive it home. Then I stood. “Well…that’s my cardio for the day.” I waved at the Hero as I walked a few steps away, coming to sit on yet another piece of my DoomTron 5000.

Poor DoomTron. You will be missed.

After a second, Electra sat up as well.

Utterly drained of her charge, her electric blue costume no longer sparked in abstract circuit patterns. She was still taller than me, of course, but that didn’t change the fact that she was at a pretty big disadvantage now against me in my suit. She’d seen the wrist-mounted laser already.

So instead of doing something truly idiotic, Electra stayed sitting. “That’s it?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What’s it?”

“You’re just letting me go?”

I laughed “Go where?” I waved towards the ocean.

She pushed herself to her feet, blinking at me warily. Really, what did she expect me to do? Kill her?

How droll.

“I could call for reinforcements, you know.” Electra still stared at me. “Or I could just take you out anyway. Did you forget that part?”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, if you want, we can go back to you lying faceup in the ocean, and I can do my best to drown you.”

A complicated expression flickered over her face. “I’ll pass. Thanks for offering.”

“You sure?” I smirked. “I wouldn’t mind paying you back for what you did to poor DoomTron.”

“That’s what you decided to call it?”

I frowned. “Better than Electra. Or was it just a Freudian slip?”

She blinked. “What’s that got to do with my name?”

“You tell me, Mrs. Anti-Oedipus Complex.”

She just stared at me for a second. “I’m…going to call for a pickup.”

I placed my head in my hands. “I was defeated by an imbecile.” Still, nothing for it. I stood, casting my gaze over the destroyed wreckage of my last robot. There wasn’t much left that wasn’t overloaded, shattered, or overloaded and shattered.

There should be enough for me to scrape together a death ray, at least, right?

I nudged a circuit board with my toe. It cracked in half.

I sighed. I needed to not be here when the Heroes showed—

“I’m not getting a signal!”

I glanced up at Electra. She had her communicator out. It was a circular device sized to fit comfortably in her palm, but the holo-interface showed only static. I blinked. Those things were supposed to connect automatically.

Electra rounded on me. “It’s supposed to connect automatically!”

No, really?

I coughed. “Why are you looking at me?”

“What did you do to my comm?”

I blinked again, tilting my head. “What makes you think it was my fault? Last I checked there was only one person here who could fry electronics on command and her name started with not fucking me.”

“My comm is hardened against my power!” she said, “It’ll work anywhere on Earth. Your teleporter must have broken it.”

I pointed. “But the interface is still working.”

She paused, looking back towards her comm. I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. “But…if it’s not broken, and it’s not getting a signal…”

The realization hit me a second after she spoke. “And we went through a collapsing wormhole…”

Electra swallowed, looking at me. “Where was it set to take us?”

“Not here.” I waved a hand. “I had a nice hidden facility all set up.” In Antarctica, not that I needed to tell her that. “And before you ask, no, there was nothing that would stop your stupid Hero Comms from working.”

I’d been trying to get my hand on one of Dr. Impossible’s devices for years to figure out how they worked. So far, this was the closest I’d ever been to one.

“So that means…”

I thought about it for a second, trying to come up with another solution that matched the data. Unfortunately, as a great detective once said, after you’ve exhausted every other possibility, whatever remained must be the truth.

“We’re on another world.”

Electra jumped slightly. “You mean like an Isekai?”

“What the fuck is an e-sky?”

She opened her mouth, but then a wave hit my knees, causing me to stumble. I blinked, eyes going to the water, which was much higher than I remembered a few moments ago.

“Crap! The tide’s coming in!”

I all but threw myself to the ground, sweeping up whatever I could get my hands on that didn’t look entirely busted. Electra, of course, just stood there like a tree stump, staring out towards the ocean.

“Stop thinking about Ise-whatever and help me!” I shouted. “We’re gonna need this stuff if we’re ever going to get back to our own world, you idiot!”

“Um.” Electra raised a hand. “Not to burst your bubble, Empress, but…I think we have…bigger fish to fry…”

My eyes followed her finger, coming to rest on a…

A…

“Oh,” I said.

Electra took a step back. “Yeah.”

Peeking out of the waves about a dozen yards away was a grotesque, bloated, misshapen, tentacle. Well, you could call it a tentacle except for the part where all of the suckers were actually bloodshot eyes.

And all of those eyes were looking at us.

As Electra and I stared, a second tentacle rose out of the water, and then a third, and a fourth and a fifth and—

You know, some small dark corner of my mind added, the human brain can’t really conceptualize any number bigger than five.

Because anything more than that was way too fucking many.

It was okay though; it was out there in the water, and we were here on the—

The thing heaved itself up onto its misshapen tentacles taking a step forward onto the…

…land.

CHAPTER 2

Something Fish-ed This Way Comes

Run!”

Electra followed her own advice, booking it towards the beach and almost bowling me over.

“Gah—!” She knocked me off my feet, and I crashed into the surf. It drove the air from my lungs and scattered my armful of salvaged parts into the waves. My hands snapped out, but I caught nothing but air. The thing let out an ululating cry.

The sound hit me like a blow. I gasped, sound driving through my head like nine-inch nails. Someone started screaming. I didn’t realize that someone was me until I’d already clapped my hands over my ears. Blinking rapidly, I saw the mass of tentacles advance on me in a roiling mass.

I realized with abstract clarity that I was about to die.

Then a hand came down on my shoulder. It cut through the fog surrounding me. I only had time to blink before Electra hauled me to my feet.

“Come on!” Her voice sent my head spinning again, but in a good way, back to the real world and away from whatever mess the monster had left me in. “We have to run!”

I nodded, turning with the Hero to dash towards the shore. As I ran, I snatched up what bits of metal and wire that I could, thoughts churning as frantically as the waves beneath my feet.

Unfortunately, I was also much shorter than Electra, and the water was pouring up the beach now as if someone had upended a pitcher the size of a stadium onto the coast. I scrambled, arms full of salvaged parts, but I barely managed to make any headway.

Beneath my feet the waves pulled back at the sand, making me feel like I was running on a treadmill as I struggled not to slip yet again.

Ahead of me, Electra pulled farther and farther away with each step. The water only came up to her calves, but for me, each step felt like I was running through molasses.

In addition to the twenty pounds of metal in my arms but I couldn’t drop it.

Not if we were going to make it out alive.

Electra glanced back over her shoulder, and I felt my heart fall to the bottom of my feet as her expression paled. “Just run!” She waved her hand. “We don’t need that stuff!”

I shook my head, breath heaving.

So much, I thought, for no more cardio today.

“You’re gonna die!”

“Without”—I heaved a breath—“this, we”—I almost fell, my ankle screaming as it twisted—“die anyway!”

I could see the moment she realized that I wasn’t going to make it. Electra’s face flickered through a dozen emotions in the span of a heartbeat before settling on resignation. She was going to leave me because I was too slow.

I bowed my head, legs striving frantically against the waves. It didn’t matter if Electra was just out to save her own skin! I didn’t need her help! I’d save myself just like I always—

I had a moment to blink as a pair of hands grabbed me, looking up just in time to see Electra toss me over her shoulder.

“This is why!” She turned, legs pumping. “You never skip leg dayyyyyyyy!”

I gaped.

“That’s what you’re going with?!” I glanced back, stomach twisting in knots when I saw how close the tentacle thing was.

“You’re the one”—the saltwater sprayed beneath her feet—“who can’t run to save your life!”

I swallowed a retort. Even with me on her back, the Hero was going nearly twice as fast as I’d managed. I looked away from the monster as my head started to throb. “Just get us to the sand!”

“I’m trying!”

I growled, trying desperately to keep a hold of the metal and wires in my hand. I bit back a curse. Would I even be able to get it set up in time?

It seemed like I’d have to.

Somehow, I felt a grin spreading across my face.

“Brace yourself!”

My head snapped up at the words. Electra crouched. I felt her muscles tensing beneath me like a steel spring and then she jumped out of the water.

I went flying, mouth agape. As I tipped over backwards, I saw Electra a foot behind.

I closed my eyes and curled into a ball, hitting the raised berm of sand with all the grace and poise of a boulder. The impact drove the air from my lungs and my precious cargo from my grip for the second time.

“No!”

I forced myself upright, staggering as another mind-bending scream shattered the air. I dove across the sand, snatching up the wire and the metal coil, tossing them farther from the water.

Even now, the waves continued to crash against the shore like a storm. We’d gotten to higher ground, probably the normal high tide mark well above the ocean’s reach.

Now, though, we had at most a minute until we were back in the drink.

Of course, the giant tentacle monster was the bigger concern. It was speeding up, too, like it was getting used to walking on land.

I pushed the thought from my head. Now it was my turn.

“Keep running!” Electra skidded to a stop beside me, grabbing at my shoulder.

“Where?” I was already working, frantically twisting a length of scrap metal into a U shape. “We don’t have anywhere to run! The water’s not stopping!”

“It’ll stop!”

“And if not?” I shook my head, pulling out a length of wire. “Cut this for me, here!”

With a growl, she yanked a thin utility knife from its thigh holster, slicing through the metal with a flick. “We don’t have much time, Empress!”

“You think I DON’T KNOW THAT?!”

Add the insulator to the metal. There, done. Here’s hoping it wouldn’t burn out.

I ripped my omni-tool from my belt, jamming the head into a crease in my suit’s chest plate. With a twist, the panel popped open, revealing the suit’s reactor. It was a hexagon of metal and glass-steel, generating enough energy to power this suit for the rest of my natural life.

Or, alternatively, something else for one massive load.

Of course, I couldn’t just pop the stupid thing out. I grabbed the length of wire again, cursing my good sense. I’d installed a minor force-field generator, a precaution that was supposed to stop some enterprising Hero from ripping it out and rendering me powerless.

Now, of course, it was more likely to kill me than protect me, so it had to go.

I jammed the insulated piece of metal into the capacitor bank right next to the reactor. This wasn’t why I made them open, but it would do the trick. The suit jerked as part of its power flow was cut off. Still, I didn’t design my armor to have a single point of failure.

Only now I was realizing that the single point of failure was me.

“Any day now!”

I glared up at Electra. “Then maybe stop distracting me!”

“Just want to make sure you—!”

“Shut! Up!”

I pushed past the tremor in my hands, winding the length of wire around several key junctions bypassing fuses and resistors. With a grunt, I pushed the other end directly into the charging port, yanking my hand back as the material of my gloves nearly popped from the sudden surge of electricity.

With a whine, the servos in my armor went dead as countless precise circuits and fuses were overloaded all at once, welding them shut.

And like that, my armor died.

All I was left with was a hunk of metal, already bent out of the way, and a glowing power core.

My field disabled, and the much more mundane issue of electrical discharge taken care of, I grabbed the handle in the center of the hexagon, giving it a sharp twist. With a hiss, the entire reactor popped free, resting in my hands with a gentle red glow.

Not that it produced anything but white light; I’d just tinted the glass-steel red when I’d made the thing.

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling faintly. This little, unassuming core was my life’s work. My magnum opus. It was powered by exotic materials I’d painstakingly stolen, crafted at laboratories that had been destroyed, and marooned a literal world away.

I’d probably never be able to make one again.

“Empress! Not sure about you but—!”

A massive tentacle crashed into the sand about a meter away from us.

I sighed. It really was a shame.

“Hey, Electra.” I rolled my wrist.

“What?”

“Catch!”

I lobbed my power core through the air, watching it tumble end over end towards the surprised Hero. My last thought before she grabbed it was, It would really suck if she had a maximum capacity.

Like, really, really suck.

I saw Electra open her mouth, only to freeze when her fingers made contact with the metal cathode of the core and approximately all of the electricity.

She exploded in an orb of white-blue lightning. Arcs of electricity struck the sand with so much energy that entire swaths of the beach were turned to glass.

For a second I even lost sight of her before a glowing figure appeared in the center of the maelstrom of electricity.

I pointed at the thrashing monster. “Any day now!”

The Hero blinked at my words, eyes going solid white as the power coursed through her. It took another second, even as she continued to absorb every last drop of power from my reactor, until the idiot finally realized what I’d done.

She turned towards the massive mound of flesh and eyes as a dozen tentacles reared out of the air above us, ready to slam down and do—

Well, whatever it was that tentacles did to defenseless young women, I assumed.

It was an immense splotch of red and black against the horizon, taking up nearly all my view with its beady black eyes and thrashing limbs. As it raised itself over us, it was as if the beast was the darkness itself.

But Electra? Electra was light.

“Sorry!” She raised an arm. “But you’re in the wrong genre, freak!”

I rolled my eyes.

Well, I would have.

But the flash of blinding light, the physical force of the thunderclap, blew me onto my back.

The monster screamed again, but this time in pain.

Electra laughed, her body rising off the ground from the sheer power coursing through her. Each wild arc bent through the air, slamming into the creature as it writhed. The very water around it became charged, flash boiling as it fed the harnessed lightning back into the monster’s bulk again and again.

And then, with one final surge, it was over.

I blinked the spots from my eyes. The image of Electra suspended in the air like some kind of Zeus wannabe was literally seared into my retinas. Slowly, I pushed myself to my feet, rubbing at my face.

My ears wouldn’t stop ringing.

“Did we kill it?” I winced. I could barely hear my own voice.

“What?” Electra turned to look at me, eyes back to their normal dull blue. At some point, she’d fallen back to the ground. “I can’t hear you!”

“I said”—this time I yelled for real—“did we kill it!?”

Then the It moved.

We both spun towards the monster.

If possible, it looked even more grotesque than it had before. All the eyes I could see were popped from the force of the current, great gouts of rancid yellow ichor pouring down its burned and boiled flesh. The thing twitched and spasmed, stretches of its skin sloughing off to reveal blackened muscles and bones beneath.

Its cells, in the billions, realized that they were dead.

I shivered at the sight.

I forced myself off the sand, staggering back. To my side, Electra’s legs gave out, and she collapsed to the ground.

“I don’t”—she doubled over, panting—“think I can run, anymore.”

“SKRUUUERRRRSIAAAAAAAAA!!!”

I clutched at my ears, fingers coming back red. “I don’t think it would let us even if we could.” The beast’s movements became even more frantic. My heart began to sink as I realized that we hadn’t killed it.

Or rather, as tentacles and eyes and blood all cascaded down to the frothing waves, we hadn’t killed enough of it.

The monstrosity raised itself up from the water, almost drunkenly, flesh and tentacles sloughing off to reveal a single, massive eye at its core. The cross-shaped pupil widened before looking at me, boring into the depths of my very soul. And I fell into the void of its gaze.

I would have screamed, but I could not find my mouth.

I was nothing.

The darkness was everything.

I struggled, breathlessly, against it, but I couldn’t do anything but hold it back for a second longer.

Tendrils of darkness reached towards me.

Then—

I gasped, snapping backwards as the real world surged back to fill the void.

In front of me, the massive eye rolled back into the creature’s morbid mass.

And it crashed down into the waves.

“Is it…” Electra staggered upright. “Dead?”

Ding!

I blinked as a blue box appeared in front of my face.

System Message

For defeating a creature from beyond and communing with forces beyond mortal comprehension, you have unlocked the Demogogue class!

What?

No, seriously, what?!

“Oh, hell to the yes!” Electra leapt to her feet. “I knew it was an Isekai!” She turned to me, grinning. “This is gonna be great!”

I stared at the woman, dumbstruck. Then, slowly, I reached up to pinch my nose. “We almost got killed by a tentacle monster from beyond time and space, and you think it’s gonna be ‘great’?”

“Well, yeah.” She punched the air. “We got skills out of it! That means we have a system!”

“A system?”

She gave me a concerned look and for some reason that made me even more irritated. “No offense, Empress, but did you not like, have books growing up? TV?”

I glared. “I read real books, not whatever garbage you’re insinuating is literature.”

She gasped, placing a hand against her chest. “You take that back about my light novels!”

I shook my head, pushing away the creeping feeling of dread and giving into my irritation. “Light novel? So, they’re not even real books then?”

“Yes, they are!” She stalked forward, grabbing onto my shoulders.

I glared—unfortunately—up at her. “It’s in the damn title! Light— not real!”

“There are heavy light novels!”

“That’s just a novel, you imbecile!”

“Who killed the giant tentacle monster! Was it you!?”

“Yes! It was my invention.”

“But it was my power!”

“So, you’re the light, and I’m the novel?”

“What?”

“Exactly my fucking point!”

CHAPTER 3

Prosperous New Relationships

Wow.”

Electra grinned at me. “Right?”

She’d just finished explaining the concept of an Isekai to me. I shook my head. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“Amazing, right?”

“That’s not the word I’d use.” I ran a finger along the smooth material of my power armor.

Electra frowned. “C’mon, you can’t call it stupid if we’re in an Isekai.”

“I mean, you’re here.”

Electra’s frown narrowed into a glare. I would have cared more if she hadn’t blown her entire charge killing the giant tentacle monster. “That’s just rude. Did you forget who saved your ass?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Villain, remember? Or is ‘we fought together so now I respect you’ or some garbage a ‘thing’ in…Isekai?”

Electra coughed, glancing away.

I blinked. “What, really?”

“Well, it’s more of an anime thing?” She poked her fingers together. “But that’s where Isekai came from, so…”

“From those not-novels.” I nodded. “Got it.”

“Light novels.” Electra crossed her arms.

“That’s what I said.”

“God, you’re such a bitch.”

“Villain.” I leaned forward. “VILLAIN. I’m not going to pretend to like your favorite book just to get in your pants like Wonder Man.”

She blinked at me. “He wanted to get in my pants?”

“Electra, look in the damn mirror.” I waved a hand at the statuesque woman, with her shimmering blond hair, baby blue eyes, and cheeks that could cut glass. “Every straight guy in the continental United States wants to get into your pants. Have you seen your fan website?”

She shifted, rubbing the back of her spiky blond hair. “I…tried not to look at it much, actually.” She paused. “And hey! Whattaya mean continental United States?”

“Hawaii has Riptide.”

She raised a finger before lowering it. “Riptide is pretty hot, I guess.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You guess.”

“Well, yeah?”

I shook my head. “What am I going to do with you?” While her head snapped to me, I reached up and fiddled with the control panel of my suit. My fingers found the small lever hidden into the frame of the control panel, and I pulled it.

With a soft hiss, the different pieces of my armor fell off, disconnecting from my undersuit.

She blinked. “If you could start by not stripping in front of me after making ambiguous statements, that’d be nice.”

“Don’t be a fucking prude.” I stepped out of the armor panels. “I’m wearing an undersuit; it covers exactly as much as your own costume.” I tilted my head. “Or did you not realize how big your butt looks in it?”

Electra’s face shaded red. “You’re a butt.”

“Ah yes, I am rubber, and you are glue.” I waved a hand.

She glared. “You’re the one who said you didn’t know what to do with me.”

I paused, turning to look at the Hero.

We’d moved from the cove to a small cave we’d found in one of the surrounding cliffs. It was a bit darker in here, but not dark enough to cover up how she was already half on her feet, hands up in front of her.

I shook my head. “You need to calm down. I’m hardly going to attack you after taking off my power armor.”

“Yeah, well, that sounds like something a villain would say.”

“How strange.” I rolled my eyes. “It is almost as if I, a villain, said it.” I turned to face her. “Are you done yet? We have important things to discuss.”

She cocked her head at me. “We?”

I pinched my brow. “What, are you going to try and arrest me instead?”

She stared at me for a moment more before huffing and lowering her arms. “No. But that doesn’t mean I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.”

I stared at her a moment before sighing. “So, we’re doing this, then.”

She shrugged. “I mean, you’re the one who keeps reminding me you’re a villain.”

I raised a finger, then paused. “…Be that as it may.” I glanced off to the side. “That doesn’t mean we aren’t connected. We both share a similar goal.”

She blinked at me owlishly. “We do?”

Dear god, please smite me where I stand.

Unfortunately, god remained as dead as he had been since the beginning of time.

“Getting back to Earth.”

“Oh, sure.” She rolled her eyes. “’Cause, you’ll just take us both back, with no strings attached.”

I frowned at her. “You’re right. I will.”

She laughed. “Is this that ‘honor among thieves’ shtick people talk about?”

“There is no honor among thieves. Some thieves”—I placed a hand on my chest—“just happen to have honor all their own.”

“That’s what you’re tryna sell?” Electra crossed her arms. “How do I know you won’t just add a mind control beam to the teleporter or dump us both in your secret lair and take me prisoner?”

I glared. “Where else would I even take us back to? Never mind that even gaining access to a different dimension wouldn’t be nearly that exact.” I’d have to be careful not to dump us in an ocean, in all honesty.

“Headquarters, preferably.”

“Oh, I see. It’s a crime if I do it, but I’m supposed to just walk right into your base so you can slap handcuffs on me.” I nodded. “Of course, why didn’t I think of that? And why is it that I know all of your bases are shielded against teleportation, but the Hero who works there doesn’t?”

At least she had the grace to look embarrassed. “Well, that’s not the point. People have broken in plenty of times.”

“What do they even teach you people about technology?”

“That tech villains can do anything, and you shouldn’t give them time to get set up.”

“NO!” I stopped. “Well, yes. Actually, that, that’s rather flattering. My compliments to whoever wrote your handbook.” I paused. “But that’s not the point. It takes resources, time, and energy to make the impossible happen. And right now, I don’t have any of those. It will take an incredible amount of time and effort even with your help to make a teleporter that even gets us back to the same dimension. Never mind slapping on…mind controllers, or shield piercing effects, or whatever other nonsense you’ve come up with!”

Electra blinked. “Uh.”

I stared at her. “Or did you forget that someone blew up my giant robot? And then someone drained my power core, using enough energy to kill the sustaining reaction entirely. And then someone still assumed I could whip up some miracle teleporter, despite all that, that could take us right home for lunch?”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” She held up her hands. “No need to bite my head off, Empress.”

I let out a deep breath. She was right, which of course only made me more irritated, but getting into another fight was the worst thing I could do right now.

“It’s not important.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Just…I wouldn’t bother with that other nonsense. A teleporter itself will be hard enough.”

She frowned at me. “Why me though? You don’t need me, so why are you acting like you’re gonna make sure I get back home as well?”

I scoffed. “You saved my life twice, idiot.” Electra jumped at the words, eyes going back to me. “The very thought that I’d leave you marooned here without even making the barest attempt to pay you back? It’s unacceptable. The equivalent of winning by default.” I smiled at her. “And when I defeat you and your little band of Heroes, it’s going to be because I was better, not because of a technicality.”

Electra stared at me for a few seconds, working her jaw silently. “That…” She shook her head. “And here I thought you were gonna say something nice.”

“Nice.” I tilted my head. “To you?”

“You’re really not making me want to work with you.”

“Fine, then.” I waved a hand. “Go do whatever you want. I’ll be sure to collect you after I solve our problems. Why mess with what works?”

Electra grumbled. “Jeez, humble too.”

I smirked. “So long as we’re on the same page.”

She met my eyes for a second before groaning and looking away. “We’ll stick together until we find civilization or something. It’d be a shame if you bit it after all the work I put into saving you.”

“How generous.”

“Yeah, well.” Electra crossed her arms. “It’s the best you’re going to get.”

I huffed. Fine, it wasn’t as if I needed her help. Yes, an electro-kinetic would be useful, but no more than actual copper wiring. If she was being stubborn, then I didn’t have the time or energy to waste babysitting her.

“What’s your class, anyway?” I asked.

Electra gave me a suspicious look, and I rolled my eyes again.

“If we’re going to be trekking through the wilderness together, we should at least know what the other is capable of.”

“Sure…” Electra rolled her neck. “I got a thunder mage thing. Hopefully, I’ll be able to use it to recharge my power as well. What’s yours?”

I quirked my lip. “Demogogue.”

She blinked. “What’s that even do?”

“You know, that’s the first good question you’ve asked all day.”

“Hey! I asked you to give up at the start of this mess, didn’t I?”

I didn’t even offer a response to that inane statement. Instead, I focused on the idea of a ‘menu.’ Electra mentioned it was a staple in Isekai settings. And while part of me wanted to call the idea that fiction would apply to reality idiotic and misguided at best—

Ding!

Name

Via Rodriguez

Class

Demogogue

The mighty Demogogue summons beings from the beyond to do their bidding, binding their servants in cages of words.

Skills

[1/5]

Summon Demon: Level 1

Summon a creature from beyond. Be wary of your words.

Status

Physical

Strength 1

Endurance 1

Agility 1

Dexterity 1

Ethereal

Charm 1

Faith 1

Attunement 1

Soul 1

Unspent Status Points

5

Well, it wasn’t stupid if it worked.

“It looks like I summon demons, for some reason.” I shrugged. “Not sure what demagoguery has to do with that but—”

“Wait, wait!” Electra waved her hands. “Demogogue. Demon. Demon-gogue.”

I blinked. “No.”

Electra grinned. “I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. That would explain the weird spelling, at least.”

“Why is my class a pun, but yours is something normal like ‘Thunder mage’?”

She gave a little laugh. “Actually, the name of my class is Buzzkiller.”

I froze in place. “That’s…horrible.”

Electra just laughed again. “I think it’s pretty funny, actually.”

“You would.” I sighed. “Still, hopefully, that’ll be enough to see us through for the time being.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Electra held out a hand. “If you get in trouble again, I’ll save you, Empress.”

I took her hand, removing my domino mask. “My name is Via.” She blinked, and I rolled my eyes. “Please, secret identities hardly matter in a place like this. Calling me Empress will just confuse people.”

If we managed to find any at all.

“Well…uh, sure, if that’s what you want.” She let go of my hand. “But I’m sure as heck not giving you my name.”

I grinned. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, Elenore.”

This time it was her turn to freeze. “Where’d you hear that name?”

“Well, I did tell you I hacked into your organization’s servers, didn’t I…” I paused. “Elenore?”

She glared.

And I just laughed and laughed.

Revenge, dear reader, is always best served immediately. Whoever told you ‘cold’ is selling something.

CHAPTER 4

It’s the Destination

After a bit of searching, Electra and I had found a path up and out of the cove. We marched up into the surrounding jungle through luscious palm trees with verdant green foliage growing thick on the ground.

And the jungle was hot.

“God there are so many bugs.” Electra slapped the back of her neck.

“Really, Elenore?” I sent her a cheery smile. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Don’t call me that.” She glowered at me. “Why aren’t they bothering you?”

I shrugged. “Karma?” I stepped over a branch. “I don’t get sunburns either.” I’d always loved my tan, but never more than right now.

“Karma my lily-white ass…” She slouched after me, arms hanging limply by her sides.

I tapped my chin. “I mean, maybe I was just a saint in my past life.” I shrugged. “But really, do you expect me to feel sorry for you?”

She slapped her arm. Again. “God, ow! These things are the size of birds.” She hunched over. “Where are we even going anyway?”

“Somewhere not here.”

“Why bother though? You saw those guys in armor coming into the cove, right? We coulda just asked them for directions.” She glanced away. “Plus, there weren’t any hecking mosquitoes on the beach.”

I sighed. “Rule number one, never get caught at the scene of the crime.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Even though it wasn’t our fault?”

“Especially if it wasn’t our fault.” I shook my head. “The number of times I pinned my earlier jobs on some guy who just happened to be there… Almost too many to count honestly.”

“What, really?”

I nodded.

“No way, I don’t buy that for a second.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Remember the Ascott Ruby?”

“What, the massive synthetic gem the Phantom Thief stole?”

“That was me.” I laughed. “And she got put away for it too! God, she was so pissed after she escaped the prison. We had a little feud going for months over that.”

Electra blinked. She opened her mouth to deny my claim before pausing. “We never did find the ruby…”

“Sure you did.”

She stopped, looking at me with a complicated expression on her face.

“What do you think formed the matrix of my power core?” I gave a nonchalant little shrug. “Though, you slagged it pretty thoroughly. How’s it feel to be the accessory to a crime?”

“Oh, you little…”

“Whoops!” I smirked at her. “I can see the headlines now, ‘Rising Hero Destroys Evidence in Key Investigation!’”

She laughed. “Yeah, right beneath ‘The Most Feared Villain in the US Captured.’”

“So you admit I’m the most feared, then?”

“Please.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re small potatoes after Cypher. There’s just no one else left.”

I stopped, glancing away into the dense jungle.

“Um, Empress?”

“Yes.” I started walking again. “I suppose Heroes are rather good at what they do.”

For a few minutes we walked in silence.

“So, why are we marching through the stupid jungle again?”

“I can’t hunt for shit. You can’t hunt for shit. The only source of water was the ocean.” I gave her a look. “Gee, Elenore. You tell me why we left.”

She blew out an annoyed huff. “Okay, now you’re just doing it on purpose.”

“Doing what?”

She huffed, waving a hand in the air. “Couldn’t you have just whipped up some…water foodinator or something?”

“Yes, of course, why didn’t I think of that?” I pressed a hand to my head. “With the three springs and one circuit board from my armor, I could make a device that synthesizes food from the ambient idiocy! It’s so simple!”

“What, really?”

“No, idiot!” I hit her on the shoulder. Elenore just danced back, sticking her tongue out at me. “I don’t have the parts, and even if I did, I don’t have the tools to work them.” The small tool kit on my belt, which I’d kept with me, of course, was for spot repairs only, not high-precision engineering.

She hummed as we continued to hike along, just above the coastline. “What about your new skills, then? I mean, you must’ve gotten something useful from your class.”

I shrugged, pulling up my status screen and expanding the skills section with a mental flex.

Skills

[1/5]

Summon Demon: Level 1

Summon a creature from beyond. Be wary of your words.

“I have something called ‘Summon Demon,’ but the description is…less than comforting.” I shrugged. “You?”

“Ah, uh.” Her eyes did that flicking thing I was coming to associate with someone looking at their menu. God, I hope I didn’t look that dumb when I did it.

“I have ‘buzzer bolt.’” She lifted her hand. “Actually, that sounds kinda useful. I could probably give myself a jolt with my power, then shoot it at something like a bird, or some wild pig or something.”

I blinked. “Are there even wild pigs on most islands?”

“I dunno.” Elenore shrugged. “I think I read it in that one book, you know, the one with the conch and the big fire? They had piggies, right?”

I felt the urge to fall over and die. “There was a character named Piggy.”

“What? That’s horrible.”