Black & White E-Book

Jie Wu

• Herausgeber: via tolino media
• Kategorie: Krimi
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

When a victim of abuse became abuser, then what would happen? Who killed him? His parents, his childhood friends, his classmates, his teacher, the indifferent neighbors or himself? RainBirth, Bright Yang, Dusk Lin and Eagle were born in same alley and year. In the year when he was fifteen, RainBirth committed suicide and hung himself up in a forest behind his school. Bright Yang found in about one week, nearly everyone forgot about him, none cared about his death. She wanted to find the truth behind his death. Through her hard efforts, she found bit by bit the things behind his death. Then did she get all the information? Eagle, and Dusk Lin gave their own accounts about his death? Were their accounts different with the one of Bright Yang? Finally RainBirth gave his own account about what happened after he became ghost, which account do you think is real or more close to reality? In the end, could you find who killed RainBirth? Could you find a solution to solve the problems? When the child comes into the world, his brain is as clean as a white board, everything to him is colorful and beautiful. During his growth, he was abused by his father, he was bullied by his schoolmates, he was molested by his teacher, and he was not cared a bit by his parents, then he learned to cope the world through his own way, he became an abuser. He instinctively found the weaker, he transferred all his maltreatment to the weaker by every chance with scheme. Then how should he be saved? How could we prevent this kind of tragedy in this world? Does every couple have the right to give birth a child?Isn’t it a tragedy to issue the marriage certificate with medical screening for curable illness but the privilege to give a birth of child and take a oath to take care of the growth of the child? Who would take care of those abused children and prevent them to become ferocious abuser? Only when one realizes there is a problem, then the possibility of solving the problem could exist. When everyone turns a blind eye to a problem, then soon or later everyone will become a victim of the problem or part of the problem. Maybe one extra word or look will extinguish the crime. As a human, we should at least try no to become an indifferent person, no matter who small our power we might have, just like a the original streams of great river, if many tiny things come together, we should and might prevent the tragedy.

Leseprobe

Black and White

Wu Jie

Translated from Chinese by Bin Liu  Jirong Liu

When a victim of abuse became abuser, then what would happen?

Who killed him? His parents, his childhood friends, his classmates, his teacher, the indifferent neighbors or himself?

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, write to : [email protected]

BLACK & WHITE

First edition. July 19, 2023.

Author © Wu Jie.

Translator © Jirong Liu, Bin Liu

All Rights Reserved.

Great Wall Publishing

Address: No. 8, Baodi District, Tianjin, P. R. China 301800

www.moontrans.com;http://mengchen.easyofficial.com

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Also by Wu Jie

Lingering Glow

Black & White

Watch for more at Wu Jie’s site.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Also By Wu Jie

Black & White

Part I: Story from Bright Yang

Part II Story From Eagle

Part III Story From Dusk Lin

Part IV Story From RainBirth

Further Reading: Lingering Glow

Also By Wu Jie

About the Author

Introduction

Fifteen years old RainBirth took his own life. After one week, his childhood friend Bright Yang found that nearly everyone had already forgotten about him. Thus she wanted to investigate his death. With her investigation, the truth behind his suicide came out bit by bit. He was bullied in school, abused in his family, even might be molested in school. But everyone related with him was trying very hard to cover something up?

It seemed that his good friend Dusk Lin, Eagle who was despised by everyone since his childhood, and I who always took oneself highly all became murderers of RainBirth unintentionally!

The story tried to tell what really had happened from angles of four adolescents, what was right or wrong, what was black or white, it seemed that everything turned into gray just like a white snow was turned into gray by black ink.

Prologue

A child was living in a small country, in one day he smelled the scent of evil dragon, but other people shook their heads, said they don’t smell anything. He tried to find the trail and trace of the evil dragon through mountains, rivers, lakes and forests with all his hard efforts to prove its existence. Just as he was about to give up and return his home, suddenly he realized that he had been part of the evil dragon, the part of the hero was the evil dragon, the part of the evil dragon was the hero, then he was good or evil ?

Black and White is just like a rushing river with wild ferocity, rolling huge stones and billowy waves, everything on its way including trees and stumps would be pulled into it. We will see the fates of RainBirth, Bright Yang, Dusk Lin and Eagle were bobbing up and down like a driftwood in river.

Name is just a code for a person, they could be anyone around us, including ourselves. Name is created to differentiate people, features could also be used to differentiate people, then could souls be used to differentiate people?

This river is just one of the rivers. Our shadows are reflected on the surface of the river, so are the village and people.

When I came to the words “ The persimmon tree in RainBirth’s family yard died”, I felt a bit cool in my heart. RainBirth died, his father died, his mother died. Death was like a chain, which strung together their specters.

When new life comes into this world, he always is accompanied by loud cries, but why death is so quiet, just like a breeze in forest, even less aloud than the sound of cicada in summer.

What is the knife which ends a life? Dropping down a stone onto someone who has already fallen into a well? Witnessing someone who is dying without offering a helping hand? Acting as a bystander?

Carnal death only comes after spiritual death.

One lead would expose many secrets, the secrets would be exposed one by one just like peeling off skin of an onion, thus good, evil, ugly, dirty, desire, hatred and repentance behind the secrets. Who would open the Pandora’s box? Maybe many people have already taken part in the process without self-awareness.

The death of one RainBirth was quiet, the deaths of thousands RainBirth were still unknown to people. When death happened, many people rushed forward with their stretched necks to watch, but they would soon draw back to their own shells, and become ants. We define safety as hiding among people with same color. You have to keep same color with your neighbors, village, mountain and forest. Same color is the protective color.

In this world, everyone has his own life, everyone dresses up one’s own life.

The lonely, rotten, foolish and murky life.

The boisterous, charming, brilliant and bright life.

The beautiful thing which could be seen by others has to be discounted. The evil thing which could be seen by others has to be doubled.

What we see is always what other prepares for us to see just like a play. With same play, different audiences would look at different angles, and give different annotations. The indescribable complex life is the life we have only for once.

If the bullied innocent person begins to bully other innocent people, could they be taken as a crime? “We all are people deserted by this world, why we want to fight with one another for life or death.” The one who fight with the weak is just a bit stronger than the weak, or just a bit weaker than the weak. They nearly have same strength, and could identify their kind, thus the fight could take place.

If the difference of strength is quite obvious, then there is only a relationship between conquer and the conquered. The powerful will despise to fight with the weak, or it can be put in this way that the weak will never give a chance to the powerful, and directly kneel down in front of the powerful. It acts just like a pyramid that the lowest and the weakest suffer most through layers of bully and threat passing down to them.

“For whoever has, to him will be given, and he will be in abundance; and whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.” Winner takes away everything, the weak fight with one another.

Even so, still someone wants to be the lighthouse for the weak in the night. Even if his own life is burnt down in the process like a candle and only one man could get the direction, then he is still willing to act as a lighthouse.

As a writer born in 1990s, Wu Jie loves reading, writing and travelling. We walked around Zhou Zhuang(*Built around 1078BC in Song Dynasty) in fall, still talked about writing around two o’clock in the morning. The cool night wind would fly over the old gray tiles, come out of the narrow lanes, shake lightly the lanterns hanging in old trees, shadow of lights was flickering among the waves of the streams, the fragrant smell of the osmanthus flowers was flowing around with the breeze. She touched the mottled stone wall, thought about the story happened long time ago in the place. She always remembers the mission, is thinking and recording, and could notice the weak and the real suffering hiding in the corner. It is lucky at the moment someone is willing to write on this subject, thus gives us an opportunity to think and introspect.

The book tries to probe the good and the evil, bully and the significance of life, and annotate the hope, the love and the redemption. Bully is a hornet that particularly likes the blossoming flowers. At the weakest moment which needs the protective care from adults when children begin to develop their own concept of value, nobody is at their side. Adults care only about their physical growth, and don’t give a bit consideration about their inner thinking. The effects of surroundings, the lack of caring parents, the unsociable and eccentric personality of children together establish layers and layers of estrangement and lead to uncountable tragedies. Though they live under one roof, they seem to live in different worlds. When we stand at the bank of life, we could not only observe our own living process from birth to child, from adolescent to middle age, and from old age to death, but also notice clearly the overlapping between the trails of one’s own and others. None could live by himself alone, everyone is trying to modify his own trail through the interactions with others.

Every life has a stop key, furthermore fate could press down the ‘off’ key at any time. Could the disappearance of carnal body be taken as the end of life? If their lives affect the living trails of others, could it be taken as an existence in another dimension?

Snow with black ink, black ink with snow.

If good and evil have colors, then what kind of colors should be.

Is there any criteria to differentiate good from evil? Someone said: It is good for other people’s interests, it is evil for one’s own interest. Other is just one of the people, and oneself is just another of the people.Then why ‘the one’ could be taken as good, ‘another ‘ could be taken as evil?

It is easy to differentiate between black and white, but it is difficult to differentiate between good and evil.

PeiPei Du

2022.11.10.

Part I: Story from Bright Yang

Chapter 1  The Mass Who Call Black As White

RainBirth was dead, he ended his life by hanging in forest behind the school.

In the year he was fifteen, and he ended his own life in such a categorical way.

When he was found, he had already died for several hours. Someone heard a girl student shrilled in a loud voice, then shouted that someone was dead, and it’s frightening, then followed by her whimpering. Nevertheless, in a few minutes, everyone knew the news, every classmate rushed to the little forest, wanted to know the whole process, so did I.

The forest had a lot of trees with verdant leaves, birds were chirping on the branches of the trees, branches of the trees were swaying under the wind blowing through the forest, the incident of death did not have a bit effect on the showing of its beauties. RainBirth was hanging under a branch of a tree, and was swinging with wind. His blue shirt was blowing up and trying to leave his body. Before I came close, policemen arrived at the scene, the area was cordoned off, the classmates who were standing around were prevented to go further to the scene. In a short while, the principal arrived with all teachers, told teachers to take the students back to school.

Just short a while when we all returned to classrooms, there was a heart-rending cry in the school yard, I knew RainBirth’s mother arrived. The teacher left at once after he took us to our classroom, classmates began to talk about the death of RainBirth, someone said he noticed the tongue hanging out his mouth just like hanging man in TV. As soon as the words were coming out his mouth, some girl students shrieked again.

In the day the school was bustling. None knew where were the teachers, and we did not have class for a whole day, and my classmates were jittery.

I sat in my seat, thought everything was not real. RainBirth was dead, why he died ?

That was first time I was facing a death, I did not have a bit preparation, it just forced itself upon me to accept the fact of the disappearance of a young life.

The incident had happened 18 years ago, and I did not expect I would see Eagle again.

All members of RainBirth’s family died in the year, Dusk Lin and Eagle left the alley we lived, after graduation in high school, I left my hometown too, thus we lost contacts. I was told by relatives that Eagle was very successful, became a big boss, was doing business in millions and had a company with hundreds of employees. I was deceived back to meet my future boyfriend by my father, and did not expect I would meet him.

While looking at me, he asked: “Have you come to a conclusion about the cause of the death of RainBirth?”

Upon hearing the question, I was not sure how should I reply for a moment.

The pair of his not large eyes began to squint, I did not know what he was thinking. Eagle had changed a lot, no trace of shadow of childhood showed up in his face. At that time he was very thin with small eyes and stubborn expression in his face. He liked to raise his head high. Whenever someone blamed him, no matter adult or child, he would always say you know fucking nothing, he was never afraid of anyone.

There were more indifference in his appearance of more than thirty years old body, nothing and nobody could perturb his mind. The raised head had lowered down and he talked in a mild tone. His small eyes looked even smaller due to his corpulence, thus he gave an impression that his eyes were always half closed.

“Then how about you, do you still hate him?” I asked in reply.

“Hate, or maybe not, as he has already died for many years, and maybe he has already become dust and air,” while talking, he fumbled his cigarettes and lighter from his pocket, lighted one cigarette for himself, then handed one to me.

“How do you know I smoke?”

“I know a lot of secrets.”

“I always think you understand life fully. After you left, for a long time whenever I bumped into some hurdles which I could not walk across, I would always remember you and think how would you cope with the problem?”

Eagle’s half closed eyes were shining, he said:”Except you, who could notice me in this place.”

The house of RainBirth was still there, and left there for many years without being cared, the half of the roof of the house had already caved in. The table FullRiver Dong and I sat was still there, and its top was piled with wood and adobe from the roof. Many old houses had been innovated, and many people had moved to other places, sold their old houses to people coming out of the mountainous areas. Only the house of RainBirth was still there, none wanted to take the house as everyone thought the house would bring bad luck due to unnatural deaths of all people living there, thus left it there to dilapidate.

“Well, everything has changed, it is really rare you still remember me as I has achieved nothing so far.”

Eagle exhaled his smoke once, said lightly:”In fact I knew your thing, really wanted to visit you, but I know you were very proud.Therefore...” He did not finish his words.

“It’s a long time ago, I have already not been the one in my past.”

Eagle said:”Look, the dead persimmon tree is still there.”

While looking at the tree, I felt apprehensive all over my body as if there were a pair of eyes staring at me.

The persimmon tree had completely withered, only branches and trunk were left, it seemed the tree wanted to prove its existence stubbornly by standing there to tell people it lived once. I thought about RainBirth again, his life had withered like the tree.

The wild grasses in the yard were as high as a man, the bloodstain of Army Feng had completely gone. The place was still there with none left, everything had changed, so did we.

Eagle said:”It turns out to be as such when one grows up.”

I turned and looked at him, he wore the same expression as I saw him last time. For these years, he did not change a bit. He always was original to himself, that was real nature.

“Do you hate people in this village?”I asked.

He said: “There are many things in this world which could not be described clearly, and hate could do nothing.”

“Then what should we do?” I asked.

He said:”In fact I am trying to find answers.”

Time really flied, with a blink, eighteen years had already passed. It seemed that what happened many years ago occurred in yesterday, but we became middle aged people.

I still remembered that summer was too hot to bear. All people said it was very strange in the year, it had not rained for several months, crops in field had been shriveled up, there was no place for people to hide. People who usually were staying and chatting in shady place disappeared. Sun was shining in the cloudless sky and tried with all its efforts to emanate its energy, as if it had wanted to burn up the world completely.

In the summer, one thing happened which changed my whole life.

That year I was fifteen years old, so were RainBirth, Eagle and Dusk Lin, we grew up together in the village. We four came to the world in the same year, but we did not have a harmonious relationship, which did not affect we had our own little happiness, at least I thought in such a way at that time.

My family lived in Yang’s Family Village, the street we lived in was called alley by adults. There were eighteen households living in the street, usually we would play around in various households. Even if there was an occasional quarrel between people, in several days, the thing would be over, and the boisterous activities would return as before.

Only the thing happened in eighteen years ago persisted for a long time, the two families cut off their relation completely. Then many things happened, and many people’s whole lives had been changed.

The money of RainBirth’s family was lost, RainBirth said Eagle had stolen the money.

Before if there was any quarrel between children in the alley, adults would not take part in the quarrel as we often had fight and quarrel among ourselves, and in no more than several hours we would return to our former status. But this time it was different as the thing was related to the money.

In the day RainBirth’s Father, Army Feng and Mother, FullRiver Dong took RainBirth to the home of Eagle, let loose a torrent of abuse to Eagle’s parents, Eagle was standing blankly at the door as he did not know what’s wrong.

Army Feng pointed at FoundingNation Yang, shouted his abuse without caring anything, greeted all his ancestors with his abusive words. FullRiver Dong was watching at the side indifferently. RainBirth was trembling in his mother’s arms. People living in the alley crowded at the entrance of the gate of Eagle’s family, pointed or talked about Eagle’s parents.

Eagle just said repeatedly: “RainBirth, you are wronging me, you will die painfully!”

FoundingNation Yang was standing behind Eagle, looking at the mouth of Army Feng which was firing like a machine gun, and said: “Who told you my son had taken the money, do you have any evidence?”

Army Feng said:”Don’t you know your son? He has been stealing this or that since he was a small child. Furthermore, RainBirht saw your child took the money away, do you still want to deny?”

It turned out that one hundred yuan of RainBirth’s family was missing. RainBirth’s father asked him whether he took the money away. RainBirth said he did not. His parents rummaged every corner in the house, but they could not find the money. His father thought it must be RainBirth who took the money, he was infuriated immediately, picked up a stick which was used to stoke fires in the kang—a bed layered by adobe or brick and could be heated in cold season, and hit him at once. His mother couldn’t prevent the crazy Army Feng, and took several hits.

When he saw his mother was getting the hit, he blurted out: It’s Eagle who stole our money.

Thus we saw what was happening in front of us.

RainBirth was very thin with a not tall stature, in comparison with children at same age, he was a head shorter with fair face, talked in soft voice with innocent almond-like staring eyes. People often called him sissy. When he heard other people called him sissy, his eyes were filled with tears at once, he really looked like a girl at the moment.

Army Feng did not yield a bit, FoundingNation Yang was trembling and could not talk with clear words

Eagle looked at RainBirth, shouted:”Old dad did not take the money, all their family members will go to hell early for anyone who took the money.”

When he heard the abusive words, RainBirth lowered his head at once, his eyes were filled with tears again, it seemed he was extremely pitiable. But Eagle did not care much about whether one is pitiable or not, while cursing, he rushed forward to the weak and thin RainBirth, pushed him down to the ground. FullRiver Dong tried to protect RainBirth, thus gave a push to Eagle. Beauty Zhou, the mother of Eagle, saw her son was pushed down to the ground, rushed forward to stand in front of her son to offer protection. Only his father who was overcautious and timid stood and panicked at side. As they saw the two families were about to fight, people who were standing around to look for fun separated the two families. The action infuriated Army Feng even more, he went to the side of Eagle’s Father, put his hand on his weak and thin shoulder, said remembering to send the money back tonight, otherwise you had to watch your brutal son.

Eagle got up from the ground, stood in front of his father, looked at Army Feng, said:”Old dad did not take your money, why should we give you money, you go to the hell for your money.”

The dark face of Army Feng became even darker, his blue veins showed up in his face, he raised his hand to hit Eagle, it was lucky that the hand was held into the hand of an old man. The old man was respected by all the people in the village, for anything which could not be settled by themselves, they would go to the old man to ask his help. It was said that most of the disputes in the village were settled by him.

He touched his white moustache, looked at Army Feng, said:”Why you want to argue with a child?”

Then he said to FoundingNation Yang:”If the child took other’s money, then you just return the money. You should talk the thing to your child, it is not a good habit.”As soon as he finished the words, many people seconded his opinion, all thought Eagle should return the money to RainBirth’s family.

FoundingNation Yang was looking at Eagle with a pair of eyes which couldn’t be understood. Eagle still repeated the words with raised head, old dad did not take the money, definitely old dad did not take the money.

When he heard the old man’s words, he became even more angry, looked at the old man, said:”Let me tell you old man, you know nothing, you just talk nonsense, you just go to hell now!”

None had ever talked to the respectable old man in such a way, the old man looked at Eagle, turned and left at once, before he left, he said: “None could engrave on a rotten wood.”

All people began to reprimand Eagle, thus the crime of theft was settled down onto Eagle. Though he was shouting his innocence with all his efforts, it was magical that none heard his words, none spoke one word on his behalf, even none asked: Then why they said you had taken their money?

The parents of Eagle lowered their heads as if they had committed an unforgivable crime. They did not dispute and speak any words for themselves, they just listened. Yes! I forgot his mother was a dumb, and couldn’t talk. His father was a cripple as he had had polio, he just tottered forward as if he would fall down to ground at any moment. As a normal child, it seemed that he looks totally different when he stood with them. But if one looked carefully, then one would notice he had same timidity as his parents, only he covered it up very well.

I wanted to squeeze into the crowd to help RainBirth to stand up, and console Eagle. But my hand was held tightly in my mother’s. She told me with her stare that it’s not my business. Dusk Lin was standing in the crowd across me, she looked at RainBirth a bit complacently, when I looked further, she was still standing there with a look of a yes-man she usually had. But the look of hers in a moment ago had already engraved into my mind. From then on whenever I was with her, I thought she was not real。

In the day RainBirth was standing quietly, did not say a word, neither his mother. When Army Feng went back, they just followed him.

Late in the night FoundingNation Yang sent one hundred yuan to Army Feng quietly, and Eagle had a quarrel with his father, broke a water vat of his family due to his anger, but none cared about truth.

From the day on Eagle was labeled as a thief, and everyone tried to watch out him. Even my mother quietly enjoined me that I should not play with Eagle, thus Eagle was isolated.

Everyone living in the alley would recall something he lost before, all would sigh, then said it must be him who took the thing away. When he came around next time, I had to be careful.

Eagle became a mouse everyone could step on, thus wings of the eagle was broken. From that day on, he became even more eccentric and unreasonable. Someone saw Eagle stamped down other’s wheat in the field, someone said Eagle beat his chicken to death with a rock, someone said Eagle stole their watermelon. No matter whether or not Eagle had stolen, everyone thought it was him. But it seemed that Eagle did not care a bit, he still acted in his stubborn and ostentatious way.

Someone said:”You’re a thief.”

He retorted:”You stupid know nothing, I did not steal your mother.”

The cursed child would make complaints to his parents, the reputation of Eagle turned worse and worse, everyone in the village tried to isolate him intentionally or unintentionally, but he still acted in his own way. He never lowered his raised head to anyone.

Chapter 2 Forgotten life

When I became an adult, I tried very hard to recall my past, but I found the happy life in my childhood disappeared as if it never had occurred before. My memory stayed in the summer afternoon when Eagle was labeled as a thief.

I thought that was the worst thing I could encounter in my life, who could expect that half month later Rainbirth died. His death had no portent, none could accept the sudden death of a fifteen years old boy, everyone felt extremely sad. But after a short while, everyone’s life backed to normal, as to why RainBirth died, none including his parents paid attention anymore.

In the day I asked my mother: “If I died, would you forget me very soon?”

My mother slapped on my head, said:”You have nothing to do for whole day, why do you think such kind of foolish thing, go to do your homework!”

I found I could not communicate with my mother as she did not understand what I was thinking. In the evening when my father came back, I asked:”If I died, would you forget me?”Father touched my forehead with his hand, said:”You don’t have fever! How could you speak such kind of foolish thing? Just hurry up to sleep, it is very late.”

I did not get the answer I wanted, thus at the noon in next day I called my brother who was studying in a university. I asked him same question, he didn’t answer my question like my parents, but said:”If one is forgotten soon, that means when the one was living, the one had a worthless life. Only person with value will be remembered.”

When I hung up the phone, I tried very hard to think what was the value? What was the value of fifteen years old RainBirth in the world? The question had been haunted me, no matter how hard I tried, I still could not find an answer.

Several days later, the school backed to normal, as if his disappearance had no effect at all. Teachers were busy to teach, classmates were busy to study or play in the playground. None talked about RainBirth and cared about him anymore.

After investigation for several days, police concluded that he took his own life, thus the thing ended in that way. In the day Dusk Lin, Eagle and I were called to have an interview with police.

That was first time I entered the police station. An old policeman called another policeman to give an interview with me, and he rode an electric bicycle to patrol in street.

The policeman asked: “Do you have a good relationship with RainBirth?”

I answered the question truthfully, and told him that RainBirth had wronged Eagle for stealing the money.

He asked:”Do you know why he committed suicide?”

I said:”I don’t know.”

Then, he asked some questions of no importance, let me leave the station, said if necessary they would come to talk with me.

When I left the station, I saw Dusk Lin and Eagle left the station too. At the entrance of the station, I saw the four boy students who had instigated RainBirth to steal the money, they were called to police station too.

In a short while, they showed up in school as if it had had nothing to do with them. I knew the death of RainBirth was related to them. But who cared? None cared about his death! The principal was afraid that spreading the thing would have harm the image of the school, and might also affect his position, thus he tried to prevent and hold the information to the school. Teachers shut their mouths close by following the order of the principal. Classmates just talked the thing for several days, then found it was not a bit interesting, thus just went to take care of other things.

A student died, he died quietly, none wanted to know why he died? As to the bullying of RainBirth by the students, it had been covered up too. I was not sure who wanted to cover up, but the thing was buried completely without any trace. As the school wanted to get rid of the bad image due to the suicide, it demanded that no more discussion of his death in school. With the power of school, the thing had less and less effect on everyone, then at last it seemed that nothing happened in school. Everyone had a normal life as before, frolicking sound came back to school again. Only Principal told someone to block the road to the little forest, the sanctum for everyone turned into a forbidden place.

The one who had lived for fifteen years in the world once passed away, within one month, nothing about him left. That was a fact, which no matter what I could not accept.

I recalled in one day I had heard conversation in next boy’s restroom. The day was third day after Eagle was wrongly labeled as a thief. As soon as I entered the girl’s restroom, I heard a boy in next room said: “RainBirth, the sissy, is really something, he wronged other after stealing the money.”Another boy said: “Brother Sky, could anything bad happen to us as we did in such a way!” Another body began to speak, whose voice was different from the other two who had already spoken. He said:”What could happen to us? He dares not to make a fuss, we know his secret, just relax!” Then they guffawed. When I came out of restroom, I saw the four boys, three were students of third year of secondary school, another was classmate of RainBirth, I saw he had once come to school with RainBirth.

They meant Eagle had not stolen the money, the money was taken away by RainBirth himself. I had to find out why RainBirth wanted to wrong Eagle. At that time I thought the secret they said was about the thing RainBirth wronged Eagle. Later I got to know it was different. It was because I thought I knew the thing, which made our relation become worse, at the most difficult time of his, I did not accompany him.

I went to talk with RainBirth, he just came out of his home, was not in good mood, and mumbling something, when he saw me, he smiled at once and went toward me.

“Bright Yang, you come to find me!”

I asked angrily:”Why you wanted to wrong Eagle? It is you who stole the money.” Due to my anger, I did not notice his happy smile as I came to talk with him. As soon as I finished my words, his expression changed, he stared at me frighteningly, said:”You’re a psyche! Definitely it was him, fuck away, mind your own business!” He at once turned impetuous, immediately turned and left. Before I asked second question, he had already walked for some distance, he almost ran away. The weird behavior of RainBirth further convinced me that something bad might have happened between them.

I just could not give up in that way. I went to talk with Eagle to tell him the truth I had known, but I could not understand his attitude, which further befuddled me.

When I told Eagle: “As you did not take the money, why you did not explain?”

He asked with his squint eyes: “You are a meddlesome captain! You mind other’s business too much!”

As soon as he finished the words, he turned and left.

I shouted after him:”Do you really not mind?”

He said: “When everyone believes it was a truth, then it is a truth, explanation means nothing.”

After the incident, whenever RainBirth came to play with me, I always treated him coolly.

Probably he noticed that I still rankle about the thing. One day he asked:”Do you hate me so much too?”

I just blurted out:”I really hate the one who wronged other.”

He unwillingly gave up, asked further:”Eagle always bullies you, why do you still want to protect him?”

“I do not want to protect him, I want to maintain justice, you are a mean person as you did in that way!”

Our relation probably broke in the day, from then on he rarely came to play with me, and I chose to ignore him intentionally or unintentionally. For many times he wanted to say something, then hesitated, but I chose to pass around him indifferently.

After RainBirth died, I recalled the thing had happened in the day. I recalled RainBirth in those days for countless times, I recalled boundless despairs had been hiding behind his look, and I had not noticed any of it. If I had known that was the God of Death, then I would have definitely acted differently, but there was no ‘if’ in real life.

Because of my guilty feeling, I could not forget RainBirth in a short time like other people, therefore I decided to investigate the cause of his death, only it later turned out the thing was much complicated than I had thought.

Before I could get anything out of my investigation, school was in summer vacation, and the three students of third year had graduated, from then on it was much more difficult for me to see them. Justice and truth were all covered up. My concept of value had been turned upside down, only at that time I was not willingly to give up and thought I might be able to do something.

All students had left school. At the same time RainBirth had already been buried in ground, and people in the alley began to have a new life.

Not long time after his death, the village which had been in drought for a long time suddenly had been poured down by heavy rain which lasted for three days and nights. Many houses collapsed, and many crops were flooded due to the rain. The crops at last gave up their hopes for survival in the fields due to first severe drought, then severe flood.

Everyone felt sorry for the crops, so long as you entered the village, you could hear people were talking about the crops, they all felt sorry and pitiful about the death of the crops.

It was strange as none cared about RainBirth. In the day I got to know the fact that in the alley a person’s life was less important than the crops. In several days after RainBirth died, people were talking about the quarrel between his parents and Eagle’s parents. Everyone looked at Eagle’s family with weird expression, nevertheless, Eagle wandered about as usual, still had a life as before. He watched other people’s shows with his squint eyes, sometimes Eagle acted just like a bystander.

I just could not figure out the reason of RainBirth’s suicide, thought there must be a cause for his death, and determined to find the truth. As RainBirth had had best relation with Dusk Lin, maybe she knew something, thus I went to talk to her.

The house of Dusk Lin was the first one in the alley, which was not far away from our house. She lived with her grandparents, her parents had gone to work in other places, then they divorced, several years later they married again, and had their own families. She became a redundant person, and could only follow her grandparents. Several years ago her parents might visit her occasionally, they had not visited her for a long time. She spoke slowly in a state of preoccupation with low and soft voice, when she played with others, she always was timid and overcautious. Even if she was playing with us, she always wore an obedient expression. I talked with her about her habit for many times, but it had no effect at all. She habitually lowered her head, and you always thought she liked to watch her tiptoes. In fact she had an elegant feature with big eyes, tall nose bridge and oval face, only her lips were a bit thinner, which made her mouth look big. There were sparse freckles at the sides of her nose. Even so, she was still beautiful. As she always acted as a yes-man, thus people would usually ignore her look. Also because she had such kind of temperament, she did not have many friends, rarely talked in school, and liked to hide in the corner. But her scores were excellent, ranked at the forefront for whole grade, thus teachers liked her very much.

Nevertheless all these could not change a bit about her situation. When I came to her house, she was feeding pig. She crawled over gate of the pigsty, poured hogwash into the pig trough. When I called her, she raised her back in the pigsty, looked at me expressionlessly with neither surprise nor happiness.

I followed her into her room, besides the big bed, there was only a paint peeled off desk, there were textbook and notebook in the desk. It seemed that the incident of RainBirth did not have a bit effect on her, she still could put all her heart into the study.The Dusk Lin in front of me was totally different with the timid one in my memory.

She asked: “Why you come here?”

I said:” Dusk Lin, don’t you think it is a bit weird about the death of RainBirth? We should find out the truth behind his death.”

Upon hearing my words, she did not even raise her head, just said: “He died, it has nothing to do with me.”

I looked at her, thought she was a total stranger to me, her expression was extremely indifferent. Her timidity vanished completely, they were replaced by indifference, the indifference made her become another person.

When I watched her expression, I was sure she would never offer any help, thus I had to leave her house. Nevertheless why Dusk Lin had shown such kind of huge change, I really did not know though I tried very hard to figure it out. This made me even more convinced that there must be some kind of story behind his death.

After I came out of her house, I decided to talk with Eagle, something must have happened between them. Why he did know the four boys? Why RainBirth wanted to wrong him? What really had happened between them? Nevertheless I did not have any relation with him normally, would he talk with me about the thing? No matter what I decided to find Eagle.

His house was several hundred meters away from Dusk Lin’s house, and it was also several hundred meters away from RainBirth’s. I came directly from Dusk Lin’s house, knocked the gate for a while, and none answered my knock. Just as I was about to leave, Eagle came back with a cart of grass, his face was covered with tiny beads of sweat, his small eyes squinted due to sunshine.

When he saw me, he asked at once:”What are you doing here!”

“Let me help you getting off the grass first.”

“Who wants your help, just talk now if you want to talk, just fart now if you want to fart, don’t hinder old dad’s work.”

“Then I will ask now, could you tell me what really happened between you and RainBirth?”

He stared at me once, said:”Why I old dad want to tell you, who are you? Policeman? Go away, I don’t know anything.”

I nearly cried out after he got angry with me. He usually angered me a lot, I would easily fight back, but at the moment I did not know why no word could come out of my mouth, and my tears began to roll down my cheek one drop after another.

Eagle saw I was crying, he said in a much mild tone:”You needn’t bother the thing anymore, it was already over.”

“But could it be over in this way? He grew up with us, we were friends since our childhood, I could see him every night when I closed my eyes.”

“But what could you do as you are just a kid?”

“I want to find the truth behind his death.”

“Is there any use for the truth? He still died, he was already dead. The truth couldn’t do anything about that.”

“It should be useful. Eagle, if you died but him, do you want everyone forgets about you?”

Eagle fell into silence, did not talk anymore. His expression turned serious, as if he had already decided to do something.

I heard he said:”He and his mother were frequently abused by his father, maybe his death was related to that.”

“But why he wronged you for stealing the money, you must know the reason, could you tell me?”

“I think it is much better for you not knowing the thing, maybe RainBirth did not want other people to know the thing.”

“He was bullied in school, how did you know the thing?”

He was totally surprised, asked in reply:”How do you know that?”

Eagle looked very painful. I saw the expression on his face in the day when RainBirth died. He wore such kind of expression when he stood among the crowd in the day. But he soon covered up his painful expression through pushing me out of the gate impatiently.

I turned to look at Eagle, he was getting the grass down the cart bit by bit, what he really tried to cover up?

In fact after RainBirth died, many people tried to draw attention of suspecting to his family, but the conclusion from police had disappointed them as his death was officially recognized as suicide.

Due to physical problem, Eagle’s parents could not work in field, thus they raised several cattle, every year when they sold the cattle, the money was enough to cover their daily expenditure, though they couldn’t be called rich, they still could scramble along. Many people in the village despised Eagle, they also despised all the family, even children would deride his dumb mother, and his crippled father. Every time so long as anyone derided his parents, Eagle would have a fight with them. Thus we had been beaten for many times by Eagle. He always liked a warrior with continual fighting spirit, and would use his fist to protect himself.

After I grown up, I gradually realized the reason when Eagle was wronged, why none wanted to speak on his behalf. Because everyone hoped it was him, thought it was him, because it is a human nature to bully the weak. Therefore none really cared about the truth. I gradually understood why Eagle was always fighting. If he did not, could he survive in the process?

Chapter 3 Unknown Secret

Since I did not get anything from Eagle, which really strengthened my determination to find the truth behind the death as I found another horrible truth that was almost everyone was hiding a secret, a secret about the death of RainBirth.

I decided to go to talk with RainBirth’s parents, his parents must want to know why their child had committed suicide. Thus I went directly to their home from Ealge’s. The gate was tightly closed. I knocked several times without any response. As I was about to leave, the gate was opened by Army Feng. I looked through the slit and saw FullRiver Dong who was sitting in the yard with an old woman.

Army Feng asked:”What do you want?”

I said:”Uncle, I want to investigate why RainBirth died. As he was your child, you must have known what really had happened to him before he died?”

Army Feng gave me a push, said angrily: “What’s matter with you, you foolish kid, you take yourself as a policeman, you want to find truth, go away now, otherwise I will give you a good beat.” Then the gate was closed. Just at the moment the gate was about to close, I saw FullRiver Dong was looking at outside of the gate anxiously.

I did not find anything in RainBirth’s home. I just could not understand why his parents did not want to know the truth behind his death?

In the fourth day of my investigation, all clues I could find had been cut off, and I could not do anything. I lay down for all day, and just took a bit food. My parents worried about me a lot, my grandmother said I might bump into a ghost, thus I lacked my usual spirit.

In the evening, Grandma and Mum began to call back my soul and drive away the ghost.The procedure had been carried out in my family for numerous times, so long as I was not in good spirit or happy, Grandma would act as a sorceress to do magic on me.

While she was playing, Grandma said at the first place it was the hanged one who deserved to be cut into many thousand pieces from Army Feng followed you. While talking, she began to drive the ghost away through her magic power. That was the first time I believed Grandma is a psychic who holds supernatural power. Furthermore I might be possessed by RainBirth, otherwise how could I always think about RainBirth, and want to find the truth behind his death?

I pulled Grandma, asked could you help me asking about him what he wanted me to do for him? Who could expect as soon as the words came out of my mouth, Grandma and Mum looked at me frighteningly, asked are you all right, child.

“Grandma, as you could see him, you just help me to ask him that I want to know why he wanted to die.”

The rituals suddenly came to a stop due to my question. At the moment I realized that the rituals was merely a psychological comfort to Grandma and Mum, and it was completely exposed by the question. As I always did not believe in ghosts and gods, in the day I believed in supernatural things, Grandma and Mum were really frightened out, since then Grandma never tried to perform the magic on me. When I was not in a good spirit, Grandma would say you just take child to hospital to find what is wrong with her.

After I got to know the truth, I became even more painful. I found not only other people but also I began to forget RainBirth, gradually I couldn’t remember his look. A man passes away just like a lamp goes out—everything is gone after the death. If it really happens in such a way, then what is the significance for living? Which greatly makes me disappoint about life.

I did not tell those words to anyone, and I did not know whom I should tell to. Eagle, Dusk Lin, they did not come to play with me for a long time. In the afternoon, when Grandma and I enjoyed a cool with other aunts in the village, I heard a shocking story that Army Feng was not blood father of RainBirth, his father was another man. Everyone says the aunts in the village are people from intelligence organization, nothing could be hid from them. It was really so.

They were chatting about the thing of RainBirth, I just listened quietly at the side. In the afternoon I heard a weird story which even could not be fabricated.

Seventeen years ago, FullRiver Dong fell in love with a man when she worked in a factory in another place, they both liked each other, and wanted to stay together for their lives. In one night they naturally slept together. At that time, FullRiver Dong did not know the man had a wife. When he heard FullRiver Dong was pregnant, he disappeared at once. In the year FullRiver Dong came back from other place, she was in pregnancy for three months. At that time, a matchmaker came to the house, told them there was a good match, the man was just Army Feng.

When they met, Army Feng at once thought FullRiver Dong was his match. When she returned home, her father pulled her to get abortion. But she just did not want to go no matter what, and her father nearly beat her to death. It was said at that time she was covering her abdomen with all her efforts, RainBirth really did not want to give up, thus stayed in her womb steadfastly without any problem.

Her father really could not change her mind and beat her to death. Thus he had to call Army Feng, tell him the truth, who could expect that Army Feng did not mind at all. Which really moved her father a lot, her dowry was really generous, many people around were envious of Army Feng. The family of FullRiver Feng did not know Army Feng had a disease, his that part was broken, thus he could not produce a child by himself. It was only after he got to know that she was pregnant, thus he asked the matchmaker to go to talk with the family. Only a few people knew the thing, said an aunt who was at the side of the story teller.

“Really, I never heard a bit about that for a dozen years.”

“Of course it was true. I bumped into the matchmaker when I visited my parents several days ago, she was the elder sister of my second aunt. I just mentioned that the son of Army Feng took his own life. Then she told me about the thing. Otherwise how could I know FullRiver Feng was from Mount Lao, the place was so far away from here.”

“Did the death of the child have anything to do with Army Feng?” An aunt asked.

“You just shut up! No matter whether blood or not, the family has lost a child. You should do some good deeds to your mouth.You need not make wild guess, otherwise Army Feng might rip up your mouth.”

The information exchange meeting thus came to an end. No everyone left the place happily. But within several days, you would see they come together and begin to talk another story in delight under the big elm tree.

I was not sure whether the story was true or not. It was really a legendary story, which was unbelievable. In the night I asked Grandma:”Do you think the story told by Siste-in-law DaisyGoose is true?”

Grandma was sitting in a rocking chair at the door, while fanning, she looked at me with a kind look, said: “As a girl, it is not a good habit to ask around about the gossip of adults.”

“Grandma, I want to know why RainBirth died. Since he died, I really could not have a good sleep. Did not you mention in the day that his spirit came to me? He must want me to help him to find out the truth behind his death.”

“You are merely a kid, even if you find the truth, who will believe you?”

I asked:”Then if someone dies, everything comes to an end? Almost everyone nearly forgets about RainBirth, I really do not believe he would choose to die without reason, even if he committed a suicide, I have to find out the reason behind his death.”

Upon hearing my words, Grandma said my sweet grand girl had already grown up with a sigh. I heard another story from Grandma about Army Feng. It turned out what the aunt said was really true. Army Feng had a damage in his private part when he was young, the thing only was known to several old people in the village.

The thing happened many years ago. In that year Army Feng was about fifteen, almost at the same age as you. At that time most of kids quit school early, so did he. As his study was not good, thus he just came back to help in the field for the family. In the day when Father of Army Feng, that was Grandfather of RainBirth, called him to go to help to move bricks onto a tractor in a brick factory.

Who could expect due to heavy rain, the tractor got slippery, during a part of downward road, the tractor bumped into a tree, Army Feng who was sitting at the back was thrown out of the rear compartment of the tractor, and was badly injured. In the day your Grandpa pushed him to a hospital on a bicycle. The doctor said if it were a bit late, he might not be saved. Though his life was saved, the most private part of his could not be saved, thus he couldn’t act as a man in future. At that time his Grandpa cried loudly in the hospital, enjoined your Grandpa not to mention the thing to anyone, otherwise his son could not make a living in the world.

Three o’clock in the morning your Grandpa came back, was covered with blood all over his body, I was really freaked out, and asked what’s wrong with him. Your Grandpa was afraid that I might worry a lot, thus told me the accident. But for these years, I had never mentioned the thing to anyone else.

When RainBirth came into the world, your Grandpa said with emotion: “The kid is lucky, his illness really has been cured.”

Who could expect the thing happened in this a way.

When Grandma finished her story, she was tired, and I supported her to go to the room to sleep. Before she slept, she enjoined me I should not talk about the thing to anyone else. To expose other’s mishap was just like to pierce into his heart, you should never do that. I promised to her repeatedly, thus she fell into sleep at ease.

Who could expect his parents could have such kind of stories. I saw his parents quite a lot, Army Feng left an impression of simple, honest,and reserved in his manner. His mother，FullRiver Dong was a neat, industrious and capable woman.

When we went to his home to play with him, his father was always reticent, but his mother was very warm, often gave us fruits, sometimes would ask us to eat in their home. RainBirth rarely talked with his father, the relationship between the father and the son was very strange, it was not a bit like father and son, it was more like stranger, they chose to ignore each other.

At that time I thought that might be their manners of coping with each other. At the moment the strange relationship might be related to the thing. Then suddenly I remembered Eagle had told me that RainBirth was abused by his father.

After Grandma lay down in her bed, I came out of her room, was lying down in the rocking chair Grandma sat a few moments ago and looking at the stars. I remembered when I was young, Father told me that once a human died, he would turn into a star. Then which star was RainBirth? Was he looking at me? Was he looking at the world? What really had happened which forced him to choose his own death.

Summer evening was still very hot, Father did not come back from his work, Mother was watching TV in the room, almost every evening at seven forty five, she would turn on TV to watch various series. She acted in such a way for decades, she had no other hobbies except watching TV. Father always ridiculed her, said what’s use from watching TV daily? Mother did not explain. When the time was due, she would go back to the room to watch TV. Before it was a black and white TV, right now it was color TV. I did not know what she was thinking, nor I knew whether she had a happy life. Once I asked:”Do you like your life?”

She said:”Like and real life are not the same thing.”

“Are you happy?”

She did not answer my question, while looking at me, she only said:”You foolish kid, when you grow up, you will know what is a life.”

I saw the trace left on her face by time, watched her becoming a worldly woman like other women in the village, felt very sad.

In the day before I was about to come forward to pull Eagle and RainBirth up, she held my hand in hers. She just stood there like other people to watch for fun with fully contented expression.

Would I like her when I grew up?

Did everyone become such kind of person after they grew up?

I was really scared about the grow-up due to this.

I just lay there with closed eyes, the hot wind was blowing over my face and blowing up my long hairs. It seemed that I could watch my pale face which shows indescribable compassion, and tears were rolling down my cheeks. I did not know I feel compassion for myself or other people. Many years later when I recalled the night, I found I could never become the kid of fifteen years old. I could never be so pure, clean and naive like that time. I could never be the one anymore, I could become anyone but myself at that time. I get myself lost in the way for getting money to enjoy the sensual life and my soul lost when I was rushing toward the life. Though the cognition was naive and immature, it was the most valuable spirit in the world.

I never saw that kind of spirit again.

In order to find the truth behind RainBirth’s death, I kept myself busy for quite a while, but I found nothing. I felt dejected, lost the passion for the thing, doubted my own ability to find the truth, all these made me suffer a lot.

I could not fall into sleep every night, even if I fell into sleep, I would have dream, see RainBirth in my dream. He was standing in the forest, looking at me, said: “Bright Yang, you just tell me what’s the significance for living?”

As if my body were fixed, I could only stand there without any motion.