Above Clouds E-Book

Jie Wu

• Herausgeber: via tolino media
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

From soil to cloud, from valley to peak, From dark to bright, in this complex and changeable world, What one could take as life, What one could take as an enlightenment. The story revolves around two characters: Guang He and Sheng He: Guang He was abandoned by his mother and abused by his stepmother when he was a child, and after he grew up, he was sentenced to ten years' imprisonment for injuring a person by mistake, and after his release from prison, he searched for the road to redemption; Sheng He was born in the darkness, but preferred to be bright, and was trapped in the valley, but his heart belonged to the mountains; she is a ray of light that shone through the jungle when Guang He sunk in the darkness of the fog, and she is a resilient straw when Guang He plunged into the dangerous shoals. She is a soft straw when Guang He falls into the dangerous shoals of the rapids. Do people who have made mistakes deserve to be forgiven? How can the goodness drowned by the prejudices of the world seek redemption? Please don't let your words become the knife that kills. How to achieve salvation for others and salvation for oneself? Who pays for the sins of all?

Leseprobe

Above Clouds

Wu Jie

Published by Great Wall Publishing, 2023.

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.For permission requests, write to :[email protected]

ABOVE CLOUDS

First edition. December 20, 2023.

Copyright © 2023 Wu Jie.

Written by Wu Jie.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Also by Wu Jie

Lingering Glow

Black & White

Above Clouds

Watch for more at Wu Jie’s site.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Also By Wu Jie

Prologue

Chapter 1 Return to Hometown

Chapter 2 Loss of Memory

Chapter 3  Change

Chapter 4 Blind Date

Chapter 5  Prisoner

Chapter 6  Love

Chapter 7  Manslaughter

Chapter 8  Prison of soul

Chapter 9  Disappearance

Chapter 10  Search

Chapter 11  Meet again

Chapter 12 New Choice

Chapter 13  Public Opinion

Chapter 14  Inglorious Living

Chapter 15  Genesis

Chapter 16  Same Kind

Chapter 17  Marriage

Chapter 18  Recollection

Chapter 19 Wedding Ceremony

Chapter 20  Opportunity

Chapter 21  Departure

Chapter 22  Reunion

Chapter 23  Above Clouds

Chapter 24  Sink into Depravity

Chapter 25  Hell

Chapter 26  Starting Point

Chapter 27  Impasse

Chapter 28  Pause

Chapter 29  Truth

Chapter 30  Recovery

Chapter 31  Rebirth

Chapter 32  Dreamland

Further Reading: Mystery of the Sealed Villa

Also By Wu Jie

About the Author

Prologue

In a cold winter, only the flower will bloom with faint fragrance. When Above Cloud came to the end, the wintersweet bloomed which had stayed for several years in Wu Jie’s study room. She smiled at me, and said it really comes to the end for the novel.

Just like a plant, a writing also contains natural charm such as fragile and tense forces.

Before everything moved slowly, thus people had time to read a book and talk with friends about it leisurely and easily. At the moment, everything is rushing forward rapidly, many people couldn’t finish a book in several years.

Wu Jie persists in writing for these years, just like a clumsy little girl, who uses her pen to describe the relationship between world and herself.

When she interacts with the world, she always watch the world with a kind of detached inspection. She lives in such fashion: She would sit casually in dusk at the sides of the street or the small path in field to listen various people who were having a rest to tell their stories with interest. When the sun was completely setting down, the outside was dark, she would pat

(*Translator’s annotation for related background information)  

the dust off her clothes, walked away casually and leisurely. unlike other people who have already fallen into the quagmire of real life want to quarrel and fight with other people with their sticky and stinky body.

The mass has one world, but she has two.

She is able to enter and leave the two world at ease. To enter the world to find real pieces of the reality, to leave the world to depict the beauty of the pieces with energetic immersion.

She uses her words to fight against the disorder, literature to fight against the changes, culture to fight against the vulgarity.

One’s experiences and intelligence has to depend on the carnal body, they could not exist without the body. Death is a sharp sword hanging above everyone’s head, none will know the time when it will fall down. But we know soon or late it will fall down in one day.

Long time ago once the carnal body vanished, the things related to spirit would vanish too. Around 3200 BC to 2600 BC, the Sumerians in the south part of Mesopotamia developed cuneiform characters, thus human being for first time could record information with characters. From then on even carnal body vanished, the experiences and intelligence would keep and propagate forever. With words, we could visit the period thousands years ago to explore the world of our ancestors, to enjoy the elegance of the beauty, to listen the sparkling arguments of various schools, to smell the faint fragrance of sorrow of QingZhao Li(*A famous poetess with a graceful, restrained style in Song Dynasty 1084-1155AD). Words are the secret path of human being which could take us to any country at any time.

Though every times has its own characters, we who are living in the times do not know the particulars of the times. Just as we look back to the lives dated hundreds and thousands years back, we couldn’t help but sigh “ so it turns out like this.”

A writing is an eternal existence beyond carnal body, the current writing will definitely surpass the current period. Hundreds and thousands years later when someone reads the writing, definitely someone will sigh at the moment of the rest after reading: So there was really that kind of time.

What we take as ordinary, maybe our descendants will marvel with deep emotion.

This is the significance of every literature work, the author could just demonstrate an iceberg. When a reader reads about various works in the same period, he might be able to get to know the full picture of the time, just like picture puzzles, every piece will become a part of whole landscape. The sources of this novel were pieces from reality, Wu Jie picked up and collected piece by piece carefully like a child picking up shells at seaside. She used words to establish a channel between reality and fiction and keep a delicate balance between them.

In the novel I liked the character Sheng He very much, though she was born in dark, she was always looking for bright; though she fell down into valley, she yearned for the peak. She was a ray of sunshine crossing forest when Guang He was sinking into the dark mist; she was the tensile straw when Guang He was falling into the turbulent river.

If one could not be salvaged by other, then one has to try to salvage himself.

Wu Jie often think about characters and episodes late into night, except literature, nothing could let her stay late in night. In those days she did not write, her heart was stricken repeatedly by bombs. As soon as she thought about it, it became a predestine relationship. One work is one redemption of hers.

Her mission is to write novel. Without literature, she will be without life.

Such kind of pure and persistent personality is demonstrated in the characters in her works. This is a book about resurrection, we think what we see is truth, but there is always some bias from the truth. But truth is just a subjective conclusion, everyone is looking from his own angle, thus draws a conclusion in comply with his own thinking.

Mr. Lu Xun(*A famous thinker and leftist writer 1881-1936 AD) said: You needn’t wait for a lighted torch. From then on there will be no more lighted torch, thus I become the only light.

If you read the novel, then you hold the lighted torch.

To create a good spiritual value for the world and to choose a right direction for the mass, literature is just a lighted torch handed down to your hand, it’s your mission to hand down to another person.

Friend: Du Peipei.

March 23, 2022.

Chapter 1 Return to Hometown

In early summer of 2007, I returned to the little village which I left ten years ago by train. When I left the village, I swore I would never return to the place in my whole life, even if I died I would bury in other place. But in the end I still came back. My life was merely a joke from beginning to end. I couldn’t be a good man, and couldn’t have a living like man.

Under the hot sun, I began to count one... two... three...four, and finally came to the place. Was the place my home? It should be, but it looked a bit different. There was no pig at the side of the gate, the palisade gate was replaced by a gatehouse. The white tiles on the gatehouse were shining brightly under the intense sunshine, I could not look directly at the tiles. While I was hesitating at the gate, the gate opened, a woman over fifty came out of the gate. She had gray hairs and straight back, was with a fade coat on her thin body, and her long face was with a pair of dull eyes.

When she saw me, she stupefied for a few seconds, should have already recognized me, turned and opened the gate, shouted at the yard:”Zhengqiang, Child is back!”

It seemed that she becomes calm and steadfast and quiet, just like the village. I had hated her for so long a time, but when I saw her again I found that I do not hate her anymore and she just become another woman in my memory. Zhengqiang He limped out of the room, it seemed that he does not change a bit, he still kept his old manner with an obedient and pitiful manner, even his voice was limp.

“You come back? Tired? Hurry to the room.”

I followed them into the room, which was different with the one in my memory, everything became strange to me, which made me not know what should I do next. I sat down at the edge of bed slowly, thought what should I say?

At the moment, Zhengqiang He said:“ It’s nice for your return, it’s nice for your return. Later you just find a job in the village, thus you needn’t migrate anymore in other places.”

The woman was fixing her eyes at me while standing by the door. Her expression was gentle and warm. In my memory she had always been sad and reticent before. At the moment she was talking continuously, she did not stop her garrulity for the time being, which made me not be able to adapt to her behavior. It was even more strange that unexpectedly she says to me:”You father and son continue your talks, I will go to prepare lunch, your most favorite food—dumpling.:

I did not know why the corners of my eyes became moistened. The man was my father Zhengqiang He, the woman was my stepmother Lily Liu, I just came out of prison after serving my sentence.

It seemed that Zhengqiang He wants to tell me a lot of things, but he did not. He sat at the side of window, made his own cigarette adroitly, lighted and enjoyed the cigarette by making some unique sound when he was smoking. The corners of his mouth tilted a bit upward, if one did not look carefully, one couldn’t find the tiny tilt. At the moment I realized that his face is covered with wrinkles, it seemed that he aged quite a lot. While looking at him, I found I really look like him in appearance. Many people said I look like a pop star, because my look, I had been bullied quite a lot. I hated Zhengqiang He even not a bit less than Lily Liu. But no matter how hard I hated them, in the end I still came back to the house, though I had been wandering in city for quite a long time.

When I left the iron gate of the prison, I was very hopeful for my future life, thought there is nothing more painful than losing one’s freedom. At the moment what is more painful than losing one’s freedom was that you find that the world does not need you and you could do nothing in the world.

My name was Guang He, twenty nine years old, I spent ten years in the prison from nineteen to twenty nine. Someone had said my life is predestined to be a tragedy, I just couldn’t believe the words, wanted to fight and struggle, in the end I did not get anything. It seemed that my life is really a tragedy and nothing could be changed.

“Where is Sheng He, is she okay?” When he heard I asked about Sheng He, the expression of Zhengqiang He changed to a painful one.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Zhengqiang He said:”Sheng He, Sheng He...”

“What’s wrong with Sheng He?”

I saw words are squeezed out his mouth painfully, said:”She is fine. If she know you’re back, she must be very happy.”

“It’s nice to hear the news. Where is she now? I really want to see her.”

I did not know why he has evasive looks in his eyes, at last he said:”You will see her. She is working in Shanghai. Haven’t I told you?”

“Then when she will be back?”

“She has not come back for several years. As you come back, she might be back too.” When he finished the words, he became silent again. He was looking at the outside of the window as if he were thinking about something as his eyebrows puckered tightly.

Just as I was about to ask more questions, Lily Liu entered the room with a plate of dumplings, said to me with smiles:”Guang, it’s time to have lunch.”

Her smile frightened me a bit, because since from the day I saw her, she was always in hysterical status in front of me. The family turned very strange as everyone was not the one in my memory. Was it related to my memory or spatial disorientation? I didn’t know.

We sat around a table to eat the dumplings just like a family. But were we a family? The question had followed me from my childhood till the moment, but I still couldn’t find an answer.

As to the taste of the dumplings, I really did not know. I fixed my look on her face, thought she should not be the Lily Liu. Then who was she? The question had troubled me and made it difficult for me to swallow the dumplings. What is even more strange was that after the lunch, I was about to go to the shed for firewood, Zhengqiang He called me, said:”Guang, where are you going? Your room is over there.”

I noticed a bed in the room through the door, there are two broken sofas and one repaired tea table. There is a new set of bed clothes and quilt.

They told me that is my room. My mind was confused even more, shouldn’t I live in the shed? I had been living there since I was a child, why suddenly they gave me a room? I did not know what I should do in the room. Zhengqiang came over and patted on my shoulder, said:”From now on, you just stay here. It’s nice for you to come back, everything will be fine.” I raised my head, and found Lily Liu is nodding at me.

In the first place everything had changed, not only the village but also the family and the people. Would it disappear too for what had happened in same fashion due to the change? I didn’t know.

I was lying in the bed, felt very tired and fell into sleep very soon. When I woke up, it was already in the night. I sat up, looked the outside through the window, thought when Sheng He would be back.

Zhengqiang entered the room, noticed I was staring blankly, asked:”What are you thinking? Let’s have dinner.”

“I am thinking when Sheng He will be back.”

He glanced me once, his eyes were full with sorrow, said powerlessly:”I will go to call her, ask her to come back tomorrow.” Upon finishing the words, he limped out of my room.

It’s dark, everything quieted down. The little girl would come back, I did not know what she would look like. Could she tell me what has happened and why the world is different with the one in my memory, the difference is due to my craziness or the world should be like this?

Chapter 2 Loss of Memory

In second day when I came back, many people came to the house, all were those people who had tried to avoid me as best as they could. At the moment they crowded in my room to say their greetings to me. While looking at me up and down, one would say:”Has already grown up, more handsome than before, much sturdier, just lacks a bit vitality.” Another would say:”How could the place have vitality?” As soon as she finished the words, she thought the words are inappropriate, diverted to another subject at once.

The one who said the words was Sixth Grandma, her husband died at young age, the family made a living on her activities as a matchmaker. Before when she saw me, she would treated me coldly with angry eyes, didn’t allow her children to play with me, always told her children that I is ill-mannered as I is without mum. Once I gave her a punch, she came to curse in my home for several days. Did she really forget all those things? She might really forget the thing, otherwise how could she act in such a warm and kind way as if nothing had happened.

The village was very strange, as if everyone had lost their memory, everyone acted differently than before.

While smiling, she asked:”Guang, how old are you?”

I was in daze in sofa, when I heard someone calls my name, then I came back into reality, said:

“Twenty nine, soon to thirty.”

“My goodness, you are not younger anymore, it’s high time to get married.” When she spoke loudly, her voice turned shriller and very harsh.

Nevertheless, when Zhengqiang He heard the words, he became lively. He came forward, took her hand, said: “ Sixth Aunt, I have to ask you to put more efforts on the thing, it is the big thing for us, as Child comes back, no matter what he has to get married.”

Upon hearing the request, the old woman became lively at once, patted her chest, said:”You just take it easy, I would definitely pay my attention to the thing. For such nice and handsome kid, we could find any girl as we like.”

When I saw her opening and closing mouth, I was scared, because I knew no true words had ever come out from her mouth. As to why she praised me in the day, I could guess she is after the service fee she could get out of the activity, she lived by the service.

Many people were around me, some were aunts, some were grandmas and some were sister-in-laws. They all were laughing, and chirping continuously. As there were so many boisterous noises around me, I suddenly lost my hearing, could only sense buzzing sound without knowing meanings of those talks. Therefore, I could only sit there quietly and watch them.

As they did not get any response from me, they lost their interests in talking with me, then gradually left the room.

In next day, many people came to our house again, the scene continued for several days till Sheng He came back.

When Sheng He came back, entered the yard, she looked around just like I first came back. I watched her through the window, she had grown up, her bob-cut became long hairs, which were spreading gently and agreeably on her shoulders. I could not notice her face clearly but barely upwardly curled corners of her mouth. She wore a black dress, high-heels, just like a modern girl which is completely different with her image in my memory. Such a kind of her image surprised me, at same time I couldn’t help but like it. I just returned to sit in the sofa and did not rush out to greet her.

I heard she shouts in the yard:”Brother, I come back!”

Before I could give any response, I saw Lily Liu had already rushed out to the yard from the room. As soon as she saw her, she threw herself on her, hugged her into her arms, while crying, said:”You aren’t with a bit conscience, do you still know to come back? If your brother were not back, do you still plan not to come back?” That was Lily Liu who is often hysterical. Zhengqiang came out of the room too, did not say anything, just was watching at the side. He just acted like the same one in my memory silently and coolly no matter whatever happened.

Sheng He was looking at Lily Li, just let her cry without any movement and words, looked at her indifferently. I sat in the sofa and was watching the scene in the yard, thought whether I should go to the yard. After disappearance of Sheng He, I recalled the day again, tried to figure out the relationship between Lily Liu and me, was not sure who owed whom and who was whose disaster.

Sheng He was my half-sister with same father. In my miserable childhood, she was an angel to me. Even if to other people, she was a little crazy, but she gave me the only warmth and let me know there is a love in the world.

The sentimental play lasted for about half an hour, I nearly fell into sleep in the sofa. Just as I was in daze, an elegant beauty with high-heels stood not far away in front of me.

I was looking at her, she was looking at me. I wanted to say something, but I was not sure what I should say, could only smile at her wryly. She came toward me, sat at my side, stretched her arms to hug me. I heard she says to my ear:”Brother, you finally are back. You suffered a lot. I miss you very much!”

I felt something is warm in my chest, just like water drops fell on my body. At the moment I felt hurt in my heart too, even tears were coming out of my eyes too. For so many years that was my first time to lose my control. Even if in those days in complete darkness, I never had that kind of emotional reaction. I did not know why, when I was facing her, I became so emotional suddenly.

Zhengqiang was watching us through the window, I saw terror and sorrow in his eyes. What he was sorrowful for? Shouldn’t he be glad as Sheng He came back? Why he had that kind of expression? In comparison, Lily Liu was relatively normal in her reaction. The world was turned upside down, since I came back to the village from the prison, many things turned weird and strange.

The sky was in deep blue, the cicada chirping drew me back into the memory of childhood. At that time I was living in the shed for firewood; at that time I had to get grass for cattle every day; at that time I had to do many things, I might not be able to feed my hungry stomach from time to time; at that time I never raised my head to look up at the sky; at that time I did not know whether there is a life which is harder than the one I have.

Sheng He asked:”Have you missed me?”

“What do you think? Of course. Only sometimes I was too busy to miss you; sometimes I was too numb to think about anything.”

“What’s your plan now?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I thought I should not be alive.”

“Brother, if you died, it might be very difficult for me to make a living too. When you were not around for these years, I always thought about you. When I thought about you, I would tell myself I have to work hard.”

“Sheng He, you have to be fine, we’re different.”

“In fact we are same, we merely want to have a living like an ordinary people.”

“You can, but I could not.”

“Brother, for these years, I have been migrating around, I always recall the time when we were young. I felt guilty, it’s we who destroyed you.”

Sheng He looked at the outside of the window with her tilted head, she looked sorrowful.

She said:”I tried very hard to escape this place, in the end I find every place is same, even people are same in this world, I couldn’t find the happiness I have been looking for in anywhere.”

“Are your life okay? Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

Sheng He said:”No matter with whom, it is just for satisfying various desires of each other, thus it has no difference between single or a couple.”

She really grown up, talked some words which I couldn’t understand.

When I was young, Lily Liu treated me very badly, I did not know why she treated me in that way. No matter how hard I tried, she always cursed me and my nominal mother loudly. When I graduated from primary school, she persuaded Zhengqiang to let me quit school. Therefore I slept in the shed, worked in the field with them everyday, when I came back from field, I had to get grass for cattle and pig. Sometimes when I came back late from my work, nothing would be left for me.

There was a little window in the shed without windowpane. In the winter cold wind would come into the room, no matter how many firewood I put into stove, the wind would turn the room into an ice one. My hands and feet would have frostbites every winter, the frostbites would break with exudation of pus.

At that time I was too small, I never thought about why a person has to live, could only move on by instinct. Sheng He would always come to me when Lily Liu and Zhengqiang He were not around. She would put candy which she hid away into my hand; would leave steamed bread and pickles into a box, hid in the firewood, then left a message to me: Brother, you have to take food, it is in the same place.

Because Sheng He, I started to think life is not that hard. We both grew up in that way. I liked she call me Brother very much, when she called Brother, her voice was gentle. When she was small, she did not like to smile, was with bob-cut, wore loose and broken clothes, looked like a boy. She often fought with other children, everyone in the village called her Little Crazy. She rarely won in her fights, would get her nose and face bruised in fight, but she would fight again next time.

Later I got to know why she fought, because someone called Zhengqiang He Cripple and me Fool.

Maybe I was really a fool! I never dared to fight with others, no matter how they insulted and cursed me, I would always endure silently. But Sheng He would not swallow the insult silently, she would always fight back with her weak and thin body, even if she lost, she still chose to fight back.

Every time when she was injured, Lily Liu would be infuriated. She would go to the gate of the one who hit Sheng He and cursed for whole afternoon without repeating any words. Latter there was one more reason for the fight of Sheng He—more and more people called Lily Liu a lunatic.

After fifth grade, Sheng He never fought with anyone else, because none wanted to play with her. I always found she is squatting at the gate to watch the moving ants.

Sometimes she would follow me to cut firewood in the hill. Later we became same people that everyone tried to avoid, we tried to live in the world lonely and stubbornly.

At that time we were little, never asked whose fault is responsible for that kind of living.

Sheng He stayed for two days in the home, then left hurriedly. Before she left, she said:”Brother, if you want to work, then you come to find me in Shanghai.”

I said:”Okay!”

She pulled her trolley case, left the house. Her back looked just like one when she fought with other children in her childhood. She did not change a bit, was always fighting for everything what she wants.

Chapter 3  Change

Before she left, Sheng He said:”Brother, never give up. You have me, I will accompany you.”

After she left, the house returned to its former status. Lily Liu never broke down again, she looked gentle, never cursed, never quarreled with other people, only did her things quietly. The cattle, pig, sheep, dog and chicken which were raised in the house before had all disappeared. There was not a bit sound except the breathing sounds in the yard and house, the quietness flustered me.

My memory about things happened in childhood were flashing back in my mind from time to time. Due to such a kind of calm and quiet life, I once thought what kept in my memory is merely my own imagination. Nevertheless at the moment I knew they had really existed. Everyone tried to cover up the evil things and pretended to forget what I had suffered.

I stayed for many days in the house, none tried to call me to work. I just stayed in the room to sleep. As soon as I fell into sleep, I would have dreams. All my dreams were about life within the wall, many hands were touching my body and face. It seemed that my soul had already left my body and stood at the side to watch the evil actions powerlessly. When I was awoken up from dream due to terror, the moon was very bright, my room was filled with moonlight. I woke up from the dark world of my dream, saw a bright world, sat in the bed blankly to wait for daybreak.

When all hopes were shattered, I did not know what I should do next. What even more horrible was that I lose my ability to suffer, I could only lie down and wait quietly. I did not know what I am waiting, but I just was not willingly to give up.

Therefore even though many people disliked me and wished I should never live in this world, I was still alive and lived. Even though I lived for so long a time in darkness, I still did not give up completely.

I was totally surprised when Ai Chen entered into my room. In my subconscious mind, I thought I have no more friend, and did not expect he will visit me. When he entered the room, I was lying down in the bed. As soon as he entered the room, he looked at me, said: ”When did you come back? Why you did not tell me.”

I sat up in the bed, looked at him, said with great efforts:”Hello.”

He smiled at me while looking, said while smiling:”Fucking hello! I, Ai Chen. Don’t you know me or don’t you want to know me?”

I wanted to give an explanation, he just waved his hand, said:”I am joking, you are really as dumb as you were young.”

Last time when I saw him, he was eighteen. In the day we said goodbye to each other in the station. He said he wants to go to Sichuan to learn to become a chef, I said I want to go to Guangdong to earn money. He said:”You just remember, no matter where you go, we’re good brothers.”

Later when I went to prison, he came to visit me once, but I refused to see him. From then on we lost our contact.

It seemed that he looked much darker and fatter than before, only his face kept the handsome look when he was young. He did not come by himself, was followed a boy, about five to six years old. He said to the body:”You just go to outside to play, I want to talk with your uncle.”

The boy smiled at me once, ran out of the room. He saw I am looking at the boy, simpered, said:”He’s my son.”

Yes, Ai Chen had already gotten married. He was thirty years old and should have already gotten married. I got off of the bed, he handed me a cigarette. I had already stopped smoking for a long time. Nevertheless I took the cigarette into my hand subconsciously. When the cigarette was lighted, I sat with him in the sofa. I wanted to say something to him, but I did not know what to say after I thought about it for a while, thus I just kept my silence.

He glanced me once, pat my shoulder once, said:”It’s nice for you to come back. Have you made up your mind for what to do in future?”

“Not yet.”

“What’s your plan?”

“Not yet. Just move on one step by another!”

“It’s okay, Brother. It’s nice for you to come back. As to your work, you just leave it to me. Let’s go to have a drink as we have not seen each other for a long time.”

As soon as he finished his words, he pulled me up and out of the room and yard. There was a black car outside the gate. He put his son into the car first, then pulled me into the car. His son was very active, he talked a lot, just like Ai Chen when he was young. The body climbed on my body, asked:”Uncle, why I didn’t see you before?”

“Uncle, you’re the second best looking man I have ever seen.”

“Uncle, why you don’t laugh? You just laugh once, just like me, ha,ha,ha!”

While looking at the boy and Ai Chen, I felt happy and envious, maybe this should be a normal life for ordinary people. Ai Chen parked his car outside of a courtyard, took out the child of the car, told him:”Go home to find your mum.”

The boy was really obedient, ran into the yard at once. I heard a woman is asking in the yard:”Where is your dad?”

The boy said:”He’s drinking with Uncle.”

The woman said another sentence, but I did not hear clearly, she should be his wife. That was my first time to meet her, Remembrance Li. I never expected that my appearance would change their whole life.

While sitting in his car and looking at the strange village, I realized again that I am the one who has already been discarded by the times. Everything had already changed, everything including people was different with what I keep in my memory.

When Sheng He came back, I asked her:”Why all people have a loss of memory?”

She said:”They all are trying to cover up their past mistakes. In a while you will know they have not lost their memory, they just pretend they have lost their memory. Their nature is hypocrisy.”

I did not fully understand her explanation, just thought her explanation is very reasonable.

She said:”Brother, everyone wants to become a new person, everyone wants to be a nice person. We should give everyone an opportunity, shouldn’t we?”

To have another chance to become a nice person, I did not know whether she talked about me or the people in the village. In their eyes I was a man with crimes. Then for what I had done, should I be forgiven? I began to understand the behaviors of these people, because we were same in nature.

But I couldn’t let the hatred I held go and forget my past sufferings. I could understand what had happened, but just couldn’t let them go without any misgivings.

Ai Chen took me into a resplendent restaurant, I followed him obediently. My shaved hairs just grew up a bit, one could notice it was shaved before. I wore the suit given to me in the day by Zhengqiang, he should buy the suit at wayside stall, it did not fit well with me. Maybe I was too thin, it seemed the clothes are on a mummy, it looked loose on my body. In a mirror along the corridor, I noticed my gloomy look, which was an inborn disposition of a prisoner and was emanating outwardly and continuously. Any girl who saw me would dodge intentionally.

Ai Chen did not notice my abnormality, or he might not care at all. He took me into a private room, sat across me, took out a bottle of liquor, put it in front of me.

“Brother, today I invite you to have a dinner to greet your forthcoming new life.”

He poured a cup of liquor to me. I did not know what he wants, I just wanted to come out to have some fresh air as I had lay down in the bed for quite a long time. I really did not like his warmth shown to me.

I drank as I was told. He still wanted me to sing, but I didn’t want as I was unfamiliar with those songs. Before I liked to sing, nevertheless, all those unfamiliar things only wanted to tell me I am the one who has already been deserted by the world repeatedly.

I drank a lot, felt a bit dizzy. I heard he says:”Brother, from now on you just work with me, so long as I have something to eat, you will definitely have too.”

In the first place he did all these for just giving a job and letting me have a way to make a living. I really did not know how to tell my exact feeling.

Liquor was a really nice thing, it would let people rip off their masks and bare oneself in front of others. I was nearly drunk, gradually forgot my past experience, the arrogant and proud myself seemed to come back again. I took his hand, asked:”Are you pitying me? Old man like me don’t need any your pity?”

It seemed that he is nearly drunk too. When he heard such kind of questions from me, there were many things shown up in his eyes which I could not understand. Maybe I was nearly drunk, thus I had that kind of illusion.

He lowered his voice, put his hand on my shoulder, closed his body to me, said to my ear:

“I might have already been dead if it were not you in the day. If it were not you, I might have already died! Do you understand? I could only own what I have had today is only because of you, Guang. I know the fate treated you unfairly, but as you were capable of pulling me out of the death, I am definitely able to pull you out of the quagmire.”

He said with true feeling, I was touched dearly.

Did I still have a future? Could I really come out the quagmire?

“To be a nice person again”, the words were flashing again in my mind, I heard the voice of Sheng He:”Brother, everyone wants to become a new person, everyone wants to be a nice person. “

Then I gradually lost my consciousness, and fell down in the sofa.

Chapter 4 Blind Date

When I woke up, it was in next day. Maybe I did not drink for a long time, I had a severe headache, my mind was blank, I could not recall anything. When I was young, I was good at drinking and able to drink a lot, I could drink ten bottles of beer without getting drunk. But right now I could not not only  adapt to life but also cope with small things like drinking, which made me feel even more frustrated.

I decided to continue my lying down in bed as a dead person, because I was needed nowhere in the world.

Just in a short while after I lay down in the bed, the door was opened, Sixth Grandma entered the room with Zhengqiang He. They told me that I should go to see a girl by blind date.

Woman was strange to me. In my life I only had three women, Sheng He, a stepmother who had abused me since I was a child and a biological mother who had deserted me. Nevertheless I was over thirty, I should have a woman. I recalled the family of Ai Chen, that should be a normal life. Why I did not go to have a blind date? Anyway I had nothing to do at the moment.

Zhengqiang He looked at me, asked:”Is that okay? If you agree, I ask Sixth Grandma to take you to have a blind date.”

I said:”Okay, then let’s go.”

I stood up and was about to follow Sixth Grandma to go out, Lily Liu stopped me, said :” Guang, you should change your clothes.” She took and handed another suit from the room. I raised my head to look at the sun, she wanted me to wear that kind of thick suit in such a hot day, I suspected she wants me to die of heat stroke. Nevertheless, I did not refuse, returned to my room, changed the suit silently. The suit did not fit well on my body, it was a bit loose. As they liked me to change to the suit, I should do something which make them happy!

When I got out of the room, Zhengqiang He and Lily Liu nodded their heads contentedly. I became confused again, the place became more and more like a home, they both acted more and more like parents, what’s wrong? As soon as I thought about such kind of things, my headache became worse. Sixth Grandma who is eating watermelon saw I is ready, stood up, threw away the rind, said:”Let’s go!”

I followed her and came out of the yard. The roads in the village had already become asphalted ones. There were no more earthen block houses in the village, all my memories about the village when I was young vanished completely. There was almost none working in the roads, the village was very quiet.

While walking, I was hearing Sixth Grandma’s chatter, she said:”The village became less and less in vitality, only the ones who are waiting for the day are staying here. All young people have left, only the old and the children stay here. For last two years, there are only a few children left here, thus it becomes more quiet.”  It seemed that she is talking to me and herself. I followed behind her quietly, heard she gives out a long exhalation, then continued:”Life becomes better and better, but the village lacks the vitality, I am not sure whether it is good or not.”

When she noticed I do not talk, she added:”When you see the girl in a while, you have to speak, you have to talk actively.” 

I said:”Okay.”

A breeze blew over my face with hot air. Black clouds were coming from one end of the sky, blocked the sun, it seemed it is about to rain. She raised her head to look at the sky, said pleasantly with surprise:”It is about to rain. The rain is what we have wanted for whole summer, it is invaluable. The crops are about to die due to drought.” When I heard her words, I turned to look at wheat fields at the side of the road, the crops all drooped their heads without a bit vitality.

For ten years, everything had changed. It changed the village, the people and my fate. But how long it needed for me to adapt to the changes? As it was very hot, the suit on my body was wet due to my sweats, so were my hairs.

Just I was about to faint due to heat stroke, Sixth Grandma stopped, said:”Here we are. The house of your Third Aunt. Let’s go. The girl is a niece of your Third Aunt’s distant cousin.” I thought for a while, could not figure out the relationship of the girl with me related to my Third Aunt.” I followed her obediently into the yard.

As soon as we entered the yard, a mongrel in the yard began to bark. My Third Aunt came out of the room, warmly welcomed us, said:”Sixth Aunt, Guang, come in please! Just look, Guang, you are drenched with sweats, go into the room, take off your coat, be careful of heat stroke.”

Sixth Grandma asked in a low voice:”Is the girl here?”

Third Aunt nodded her head, said:”Yes.”

Then Third Aunt turned, said to me:”Guang, don’t stand there, go, let’s go into the room, let’s sit in the room.”

I took off my overcoat, then I found I am wearing a loose short-sleeved shirt. It seemed that my clothes really matters, as soon as I took off the overcoat, I felt I become normal again.

In the room I saw a girl whose back is facing me, couldn’t see her face, could only watch her back. I stood there blankly, did not know what I should say.

Third Aunt called Yunyi once, the girl turned upon the calling. Sixth Grandma walked toward the girl with a smile, said:”This is Yunyi. Come here, come here.” Yunyi glanced me once, I did not know why when I see her, I recall Lily Liu. The faces were really very similar, they were not similar in their features but their expressions of their eyes. There were no light in the eyes, the eyes were dull with somewhat indifference.

Sixth Grandma said to her:”This is Guang He.”

She did not talk much, just grinned, then said vaguely:”Good looking, handsome.”

I suddenly realized that the girl is not a normal person just like me. I then recalled the expression when everyone had called Lily Liu a lunatic in past.

I did not know, I suddenly could not stay there for a minute, turned and ran out of the room.

It was really raining, the rain was heavy, I felt cool when the raindrops fell on my body. I was running along the asphalted way to the hilltop where Sheng He and I would often visit when we were young. It rained harder and harder, wind was also blowing, I sat down on the top dejectedly, suddenly thought about to die.

I stood on the top, just let the rain fall on my body. I went to the edge of a precipice, stretched my arms to feel the speed of wind. I recalled when we were young, I did same kind of game with Sheng He. I recalled Sheng He said:”Brother, when I grow up, I will leave this place, strive to become one whom everyone here will look up to.”

The words were repeatedly flashing back into my memory: To live, and to live to be looked up by other people. The rain gradually stopped, I retreated back from the edge of the precipice. I knew it is Sheng He who saves me, like me, the girl fell into quagmire too, but she was always hopeful about life.

If I were dead, she should be very sad. She once said:”Brother, you are the one I care most in the world. Only because of you, I am not lonely in the world and have the courage to live.”

I did not know whether she held same opinion at the moment. Just for her, I had to be more courageous and strong, shouldn’t I?

When I came down from the hill in the day, it was completely dark, the village became even more quiet. I could hear the barking of dogs and the chirping sound of crickets faraway. At the moment I was sure that is the place I once lived, my hometown, the place should be filled with beautiful memories of other people, but a place from where my miserable life began.

Unexpectedly as soon as I arrived in the home, Ai Chen arrived.

As soon as he sat down in the sofa, he asked:”I heard you have a blind date, how about the date? In fact you should definitely have a woman now.”

I took off my drenched clothes, climbed onto the bed, wrapped myself into quilt.

When he saw I do not speak, he asked again:”How about the date? Just look at you as if you were dead.”

As soon as the death was mentioned, I became a bit interested in the subject.

I asked:”You tell me, will anyone remember me if I died?”

It seemed he is surprised by my words, he cursed:”What fucking you are thinking about? It’s wonderful and nice to live.”

“That's for you but me, isn’t it? Don’t you know what kind of life I have lived?”

“No matter whatever kind of life you had, from now on you will have a wonderful life.”

As soon as he finished his words, he threw a small box to me.

“I have bought a cellular phone for you. Tomorrow you follow me to work to earn money. Thus it will keep you busy from thinking about life or death as you have nothing to do for the moment.”

He noticed I do not give any response, came forward and sat at the edge of the bed, opened the box, inserted the sim card, asked:”Do you know how to use it?”

I couldn’t get used to his enthusiasm. I did not know what I should say, just wanted to lie flat on the bed, thought about nothing.

He did not give up, continued:”I am asking you a question.”

I had to manage him with a bit effort, said:”Thank you, I know I don’t need one now.”

“Just look at you, how could you be so impotent! The phone is not a gift, you have to give me the money when you get the pay from your work.

As soon as he finished the words, he left at once.

I did not know why I treat him in such a way and what I want to do next. I took the phone in my hand, it seemed that right now everyone has one. If I had one, then couldn’t I contact with Sheng He?

When I thought about that, I became interested in the phone. I tried for a while, then figured out to turn on the phone. In a short while, Ai Chen sent messages. He sent a lot of messages about how to use the phone, WeChat and surf in the net.

While I was reading the messages, I felt sad suddenly. It seemed a voice is talking to me:” Please accept the kindness of other people, then you will find a different world.”

At last I mustered my courage, sent him a message.

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.:

In a moment, I got his reply:”This is what you suppose to look like. I call you tomorrow morning.”

Many years later after Ai Chen left the world, I often recalled him, recalled the day, recalled he told me that I have to have a better life. But before I could give my heartful thanks, he had already left the world. Who could decide who is right or wrong? One had to carry somethings on one’s back so long as one wanted to have a living, none could not escape from the burden.

Chapter 5  Prisoner

In the night I dreamed about Yunyi, the girl I only met once. In my dream I married with her. After marriage, I repeated the life of Zhengqiang He, she acted in a way like Lily Liu. I was trapped in that kind of life, extremely sad, but could not do anything about it.

Later I heard that she was missing. In one day she left her home, then never came back. Her family members just tried to find her for several days, then they stopped the search. She was a lunatic, in fact she was not a lunatic but a patient with severe depression. Only in the village none understood what is depression. For those years she made a lot of troubles for her family, used up all the loves of her family members. Without love, she just became an encumbrance to the family. Therefore her missing might be a good thing for her family. Nevertheless all these came true one year after her missing.

After I followed Ai Chen to make a living, I began to have a life like ordinary people. Sometimes I would follow him to buy traditional Chinese herbs, sometimes I would follow him to plant herbs in field, or organize other people in the village to plant herbs.

Ai Chen would give me several thousands every month as a salary. When I got the money, I would send the money to Sheng He. She would always say:”Brother, I don’t need your money.”

But that was only what I could do, I wanted her to have a better life. In the world, except her, none was worth my efforts. Ai Chen often took me to his home to drink. His wife was called Remembrance Li, she was a virtuous woman, she not only took good care of their son but also manged a cosmetics shop. The business was not that good, but it was still enough to support herself.

Every time when I went to their home to drink, she would always welcome warmly:”Guang, you are here, come in please!”

Their son liked me very much without specific reason. The child liked to talk and always asked me a lot of questions in his sweet voice. They would always look at their son tenderly. As I visited their home frequently, I gradually developed the idea that I should have a girlfriend.

At the moment I just had my thirtieth birthday, often I felt lonely, particularly in the night. Sometimes I would have dream, in the dream I had a beautiful wife, she liked to lie quietly in my arms. The missing parts of my body began to fill up gradually.

When I woke up, I was still alone. Though Sheng He always said:”Brother, you come to Shanghai.” I never went to Shanghai, I even did not think I will leave the town.

I said:”Brother earn money for you in our hometown.”

She did not persist in the idea anymore. She always had video chat with me in night. I saw she is sitting in a sofa, the roof light is shining on her face. She was smiling at me, I saw calmness in her eyes. She talked to me about her job, life and people she met.

She often talked some words which I couldn’t understand.

She said:”Brother, I find for many things one missed one will never be able to make up in one’s whole life.”

She said:”Don’t we deserve to own love and happiness for people like us?”

She said:”Brother, in this world there is no good or bad person, to everyone the bad and the good are just relative and partial.”

As I could not give her an answer, thus I could only say:”I’m listening!”

Before she would always raise her head proudly, right now she would always look at me with her eyes leveling with mine with a smile. Sometimse when I watched her smile, I always thought that is not a smile but a resistance and fight against hopeless life, she wore a mask, it was her sneer at the world.

I found a secret not only in past but also at the moment in our world only she and I exist. None could enter the world,  none wanted to enter the world.

I then recalled the words Ai Chen told me:”Brother, you have to put something down, then you can pick something up in your hand.”

Put down? What I should put down? Then what I should  pick up and hold?

Sheng He said:”Brother, when you are free you could play game. In the virtual world, you could be anyone you want to be.”

Then I learned to play game. When I was playing game, I bumped into a woman. Like me, she would always play game into late night. My name for the game was ‘Imprisoned soul’, her name was ‘Imprisoned bird.” At the beginning after I saw her name, I requested to become a team with her. Her skill was not good, but she never give up. When I saw her online, I thought I am looking at Sheng He in her childhood.

In one day after we finished the game, she said:”Little Brother, how about add WeChat?”

I said:”Wonderful!”

I was over thirty and wanted to have a love relationship. Thus when she proposed, I agreed gladly. From that day on, my life had a woman, a virtual woman. I did not know where is she, what she looks like, how old is she. But I always thought about her, imagined about her look, even yearned for meeting her.

That’s right. I had a love relationship in virtual world. I told the news to Ai Chen and Sheng He. They all told me that she might be a swindler. I felt very sad, because that was my puppy love. In the night I stood for first time in front of a mirror. I saw myself in the mirror, my face was pale and too thin, I had dashing eyebrows, big eyes, tall-bridged nose, thin lips, stubble extending to the sides of ears. It was not a bit strange that many people say I have handsome look, it looked really good.

I decided to see her, no matter whether she was a swindler or not. Nevertheless Ai Chen and Sheng He were strongly against my decision. Unexpectedly Zhengqiang He supported my decision, said:”You just go to meet her. If appropriate, then you could get married. It’s time for you to have a wife.”

Since I fled from Yunyi in the day, none wanted to promote a blind date for me again. Sixth Grandma turned into the woman in my memory, she used all vicious words to tell people how I fled in a panic, even spread my past history all over places.

Nevertheless after she took off her camouflage, it provided a chance for me to solve my puzzle. In the first place they did not lose their memory, they only disguised themselves for some kind of interest and getting some information for their talks after dinner with assumed enthusiasm.

As to human nature, to me it was not that horrible. I sent a WeChat message to the “Imprisoned bird” to request to meet her in person, but she did not give a reply. To me that was a really bad news. Late in the night while I was in daze in bed, the prompt tone rang once in my phone. I read her message:”Have you married?”

I said:”No.”

She said:”Why do you want to see me?”

I said:”I always think about you.”

She said:”I don’t trust man.”

I said:”I could not be taken as a man.”

She sent a smile expression.

I said:”Let’s meet! Where are you? I go to your place.”

She said:”Okay.”

That was my first time I left my hometown for a woman in a virtual world after I came back from prison. We both were prisoners of life. If we could live together, then do we have a way to escape from the prisoners’ cage?

Chapter 6  Love

When I went to meet