BOUNCE BACK BABES E-Book

Ansi Verwey - von Fleckenstein

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 72

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

BOUNCE BACK BABES is a collection of 26 word portraits uncovering the failings, exploits and dreams of various hopeful, desperate, glamorous, murderous and girl-next-doors REAL WOMEN. Timeframe: May 1964 - May 2018 Location: from Cape Town, South Africa over Taipei, Taiwan & passing through Basel, Switzerland

Leseprobe

This anthology offers an alphabetical collection of 26 word portraits uncovering the failings, exploits, and dreams of everyday hopeful, murderous, glamorous, desperate, real women-next-door.

Timeframe: May 1964 - May 2018

Setting: from Cape Town, South Africa over Taipei, Taiwan & passing through Basel, Switzerland.

The authoress, as seen by a tactful colleague

Ansi Verwey - von Fleckenstein

BOUNCE BACK BABES

26 word portraits of real women

©2019 Ansi Verwey - von Fleckenstein

Author: Ansi Verwey - von Fleckenstein

Cover painted by PEDRITO Editor: Anonymous BOSH

Back page: original art by ANSI. She recommends this image as protection against a lack of contentment, coffee or decorum. Mental application of the sketch guarantees immunity to charlatans.

ISBN: 978-3-7497-7781-5 (Paperback)

ISBN: 978-3-7497-7782-2 (Hardcover)

ISBN: 978-3-7497-7783-9 (e-Book)

Publisher & Print: tredition GmbH, Halenreie 40-44, 22359 Hamburg

Das Werk, einschließlich seiner Teile, ist urheberrechtlich geschützt. Jede Verwertung ist ohne Zustimmung des Verlages und des Autors unzulässig. Dies gilt insbesondere für die elektronische oder sonstige Vervielfältigung, Übersetzung, Verbreitung und öffentliche Zugänglichmachung.

Motivating guardian angels, without whom this book would not have been possible:

Anonymous Bosh, Sofia Pavone, Michael Rath, Matthias & Peter Wegele, Emiro von Berejesa †2019, Katja & Hannah Beer, Bianca Gierok, Ralf H. Dorweiler, Elena Filipova, Michael Leibundgut, Phoebe Lin, Eva Buffoni, Gerda Pretorius, Helga Karen, Hinako Yoshikawa, Iryna Krasnovska, Lussys von Scajuka †2018, Ivan Konsulov, Raquel Rey Ramos, Shalini Treffer, Yuval Zorn, Armando Braswell.

INDEX

1. Aurora und Arnauld in the KUMQUAT Store

2. Brigitte Brandt: No Black Eye in the Brocki

3. Cordelia and the charming chandelier

4. Donna researches job alternatives

5. Eva’s ghosts at the watering hole

6. Frene: in search of yogurt

7. GIULIA’S SUMMER COLLECTION: a pocket True Crime Story

8. Excerpt from the chronicles of Hilda

9. Isolde and the quest for the ideal man

10. Red Juliane’s Unified Theory of Colour

11. Kerstin’s Cat: A Song of Lamentation with a Funeral attachment

12. Literary Leonie’s Silverfish

13. Martine researches men

14. Grouchy Nora

15. Olivia at the opera

16. Petra pulverises the Monday blues

17. Visiting quirky Queenie

18. Regina's racehorse

19. Sleepless on Sophia’s sofa

20. Tina at the Tinguely Fountain

21. Uschi at the dentist

22. Veronika; life in bite-sized portions

23. Wilhelmine wanders the woods

24. XANTHIPPE

25. Yolinda’s Yodelling Horn

26. Zippy Zoë

PROLOGUE

This collection of portraits of REAL WOMEN is my homage and thanksgiving to all the PROUD BROADS* who have inspired me through the last five decades and helped me keep my focus firmly on the silver lining - NO MATTER how many dark clouds threaten to suck the joy out of life. From Day One my grandmother determined: every cloud has its silver lining.

These short life sketches are Portraits of Events covering ground from Cape Town (South Africa) to Basel ( Switzerland) between May1964 and May 2018 that PROUD BROADS*, experienced, wished, dreamed, grew out of the habit of and brought to the table.

*PROUD BROAD (German: VOLLWEIB) is a positive expression, in this context: a female being who daily discovers her femininity, expresses and defines it anew - with her iPhone in her bra and emancipation in the air.

HARD WON INSOUCIANCEa self-portrait

Recently a cheery lady in her seventies served me up a double-edged compliment when she asked, with all the earnestness of a wartime presidential interviewer: ”How do you manage to waltz through life in such carefree fashion?”

Twelve years ago such a question would have had me on the floor quietly giggling and drooling until the nice men in white coats gently took me to a padded pink rubber room.

As we now live in 2019, any potential jaw-dropping on my part was arrested well short of the floor by my spontaneously rising interrogatory eyebrow.

Had I just been attacked by a compliment? Or was this another sign from the Universe not to take on too much at once?

After more than five decades of life spent collecting experiences, both desired and despised, inner reflection has developed an answer that saves me time and nerves, “How? Honestly - with ritual self-forgiveness the occasional small luxury, and regular amusement."

1. Aurora and Arnauld in the KUMQUAT Store1*

As she slipped into the amethyst-purple evening gown Aurora knew buying it would be more exciting than anything on offer in the KUMQUAT store over on Baseler Freie street. Not only did she have a weakness for the latest gadget from high-tech Mega-giant KUMQUAT, she also passionately loved draping herself in every imaginable jewel tone she could lay hands on.

The on-staff geniuses at KUMQUAT would make regular bets on how many times a month “Jewel Girl” would come in to make a purchase or get some advice about her K-Pad or K-Book. Aurora wasn’t especially tech-savvy, and had the attention span of a frolicking golden retriever. After one of her visits a staff member abruptly decided to change careers and enter a monastery.

Seven weeks ago Aurora noticed her local KUMQUAT store’s Consultation Department had hired a very decorative young frenchman. The brilliant Arnauld had that charming french gift of making any of the languages he spoke sound like a poor relation of his mother tongue. English, German, or even Russian: no matter, Arnauld’s perfect grammar would be elegantly served in a crystal goblet of murky french vowels.

After Aurora finally snagged an appointment with Arnauld (who was much in demand), she spent sleepless nights trying to decide what to wear for the encounter.

The night before she dreamed in green, so she decided on a conservative emerald ensemble - accessorising her K-Book with a matching green case.

At 1: 30 pm on the dot Aurora and Arnauld met at the KUMQUAT store to delve into the intricacies of her K-Pad Pro’s picture editing program. Aurora was hypnotised by how the charming Frenchman took on the german language. Even under the clinical store lighting, the driest tech jargon seemed to her a symphony in the colours of every jewel tone she’d ever loved. Suddenly she noticed the wedding ring on Arnauld’s hand. Totally distracted, she interrupted his flow of professional terminology by blurting out, “Is your wife french too?” Arnauld eyes lit up, “No, my husband is Italian.”

That put an abrupt end to the post-graduate course in CGI. Arnauld just had to show Aurora photos of his magnificent Italian husband. Her chin dropped. The Italian dreamboat was wearing a velvet smoking jacket in the exact same shade of amethyst as her new evening dress! Using her huge photo library on the K-Pad Pro, she pulled it up to show Arnauld.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS COINCIDENCE!

Arnauld knew right away that the dress and the jacket, or rather Husband Alessandro and Jewel Girl Aurora had to get to know each other ASAP. “Could you come wear your amethyst dress to be the Conférencieuse at my husband’s birthday party this Saturday?”

Aurora made a quick excuse and ran to her friend Google to ask just what a Conférencieuse does.

“Conférencieuse, the female form of Conférencier: an amusing master-of-ceremonies in Variety, cabaret, revues, concerts radio and TV. As well as announcing the numbers, he/she entertains with jokes, funny poems, and songs.”

T-H-E birthday party became legend. Since that evening Aurora, Arnauld and Alessandro are inseparable friends, loved and hated in the press as “The Three Amethysts”.

Aurora, who now only works luxury conférencieuse gigs, had the amethyst dress framed. It hangs in her boudoir, a constant reminder that guardian angels also watch over wardrobe choice.

1* KUMQUAT store is a wholly fictional name. Until the author gets permission to use the name of a certain massive concern that doesn’t sell fruit, that’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

1*   Definition on page 13

2. Brigitte Brandt:No Black Eye in the Brocki2*

Brigitte shivered sadly in her chic, tailored B-cups. After twenty-five minutes of beating around the bush, her friend Ulla had finally dropped the bad news on her: Brocki, her combination stylist, interior decorator and happy hunting ground for the wonderfully odd presents she notoriously loved giving friends - was closing for good in seven days, another casualty in the battle against Amazon and Ebay.

This news threw Brigitte into deepest mourning. (Publishers Godawful & Gross’s etiquette guide to the Brandt family’s complicated bereavement protocols and customs has gone into a fifth edition.)

Brigitte took up her battered, dog-eared copy to make sure she didn’t overlook anything. Tales of family members who failed to complete the rituals properly always ended dreadfully, and were told to scare the children on Halloween.