Correct Manners And Etiquette E-Book

Seema Gupta

• Herausgeber: V&S Publishers
• Kategorie: Für Kinder und Jugendliche
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018

Seitenzahl: 211

Beschreibung

A quick guide on acceptable manners & etiquette

Leseprobe

Developing a pleasingpersonality/behaviour

Seema Gupta

Published by:

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© Copyright: ISBN 978-935-05723-3-7

DISCLAIMER

While every attempt has been made to provide accurate and timely information in this book, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, unintended omissions or commissions detected therein. The author and publisher make no representation or warranty with respect to the comprehensiveness or completeness of the contents provided.

All matters included have been simplified under professional guidance for general information only without any warranty for applicability on an individual. Any mention of an organization or a website in the book by way of citation or as a source of additional information doesn't imply the endorsement of the content either by the author or the publisher. It is possible that websites cited may have changed or removed between the time of editing and publishing the book.

Results from using the expert opinion in this book will be totally dependent on individual circumstances and factors beyond the control of the author and the publisher.

It makes sense to elicit advice from well informed sources before implementing the ideas given in the book. The reader assumes full responsibility for the consequences arising out from reading this book. For proper guidance, it is advisable to read the book under the watchful eyes of parents/guardian. The purchaser of this book assumes all responsibility for the use of given materials and information. The copyright of the entire content of this book rests with the author/publisher. Any infringement/ transmission of the cover design, text or illustrations, in any form, by any means, by any entity will invite legal action and be responsible for consequences thereon.

PREFACE

The other day I went to a restaurant with my friends for lunch. Though the place was full, we managed to get a table. The waiters were rushed off their feet, scurrying from table to table. Over the noise in the restaurant we heard a ‘Shish…shish’ing sound coming from a corner. On turning towards it, we found it was a group of business executives trying to attract the waiter’s attention. One of them, apparently getting restless with the delay in service, was summoning the waiter by clicking his fingers and making strange sounds to attract his attention. When the waiter finally reached this table, the disgust on his face was quite evident.

What a glaring contrast there was between this group and a couple sitting near our table, who, too, were trying to get the waiter’s attention. It was the manner in which they went about it that was so different. Waiting patiently till he caught the waiter’s eye, this man held up his index finger up and said “Excuse me”. The waiter promptly came to their table and took their order with all due courtesy and smiles. The marked difference in both behaviours probably never occurred to the impatient group. So used to getting their own way at once, it may never have crossed their minds that there could be something wrong in the manner they went about it.

Such incidents are commonplace and so are ill-mannered people. Actually, most people whose behaviour strikes others as bad or ill manners have conducted themselves in this manner for so long that it has turned into a habit and comes naturally to them. It is only when they come across someone with better etiquette that comparison takes place and the realization strikes a home run.

Good manners today are in a state of flux as they were never before. One can no longer turn to the rules that worked 50 or maybe even 20 years ago. Formal and rigid in outlook, they have little to do with the casual lifestyles that prevail today. However, there is one factor that has remained constant. And this is that your actions and behaviour will be observed by everyone; and unfortuantely, a wrong first impression is more lasting than any number of good deeds that may follow. You will be observed equally by strangers as well as by people who matter to you. And, I am sure, that at least for the latter, you would like to be at your best.

Sound manners and good etiquette are based on the three most endearing of all human traits — kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration for others. That is why teaching your children basic manners takes top priority. It is your duty to show them the right path and they only learn what you teach them or emulate whatever you do yourself. At this young age, any adult with whom they are in close contact is their ideal and they try to imitate that person in every way — be it greeting someone cheerfully or hiding in your bedroom to avoid that person; digging your nose, cleaning your ears or scratching your head in public or in the privacy of your bathroom — children have an uncanny sense of perception and memory. So be a good model for them. Teach them the best of manners just like you provide them with the best of food, clothes and education.

This will help you achieve your goal. It helps you to conform and encourages you to do the right thing at the right time. Etiquette and manners at home, with visitors, guests, at the office, introductions and greetings, various forms of address, written communications, salutations, conduct during various ceremonies like births, weddings, anniversaries, deaths and funerals, parties, picnics are all dealt with in this book in detail.

Within any social ambience, if you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation, this book will help you come out of it. Just go through it and be assured of smooth sailing henceforth.

—Seema Gupta

CONTENTS

1. Etiquette - The Keyword

2. Posture

3. Dress Code

4. Your Behaviour

5. Hi… Hello!

6. Extending Greetings

7. Conversation - Mind That Language

8. Managing Relationships

9. Going Steady

10. You and Food

11. Eating Out

12. Party Time

13. A Children’s Party

14. Travel Time

15. Houseguests/Visitors

16. Telephone Manners

17. Written Communication

18. Job Hunting

19. Etiquette at Work

20. For Happy Occasions-Births and Anniversaries

21. For Sad Occasions - Deaths and Funerals

22. Dilemmas

23. A Final Word

ETIQUETTE — THE KEYWORD

Lord Tredegar knew exactly how to handle a habit of several years. One of his servants reported this incident — “I remember the morning when Lord Tredegar was taken exceedingly ill. Instead of the usual nod of his head to me on my arrival, he said, ‘Cronin, I think I’m dying’.”

The years-old habit could not be amended in a moment. I knew that even Lord Tredegar in his more collected moments would not wish it so. So correctly I replied, ‘Very good, my Lord’, Thereafter, the normal silence between us was reestablished to our mutual satisfaction.

Etiquette and good manners are acquired through constant JL/ practice. They are inculcated from childhood and become habits by the time we grow up. Remember the times when you were irritated by your mother’s constant nagging to clean up the mess in your room. But she was only trying to help you by merely cultivating the good habit of tidiness in you — such is the case with good manners.

Can the ability to get along with others be learnt or is it a trait that you are born with? While there are people who appear to be born charmers, most of us have to learn how to relate to others. Even the charmers often find that they have to refine their skills of communication. Do we all not envy that charming, selfconfident fellow who moves with grace? He has the ability to turn even the most embarrassing situations into playful witty moments by his intellect and good-natured humour. A person with a fine sense of etiquette exudes confidence. He is able to put everybody at ease, unmindful of their social rank or status.

Several years ago, John D. Rockfeller said, “The ability to get along with people is as purchaseable a commodity as sugar and coffee, and I pay more for that ability than any under the sun.”

Good manners are essential in building good relationships with other people and they can ensure that you have a steady supply of support and cooperation.

The practice of etiquette can be traced back to the times of kings and emperors where the courtiers bowed before the royal family. The elders received due respect and youngsters never spoke harshly to their parents.

Over the centuries, considerable emphasis has been placed in various societies on the proper forms of behaviour. Across the globe, career diplomats, armed force personnels, business executives, and even politicians are put through stiff training where even the minutest of details in etiquette is not excused. Even in our social circle, have we not noticed that it is the persons with pleasing mannerisms who are the most popular? No doubt, they have an edge over others. Although in the informality that prevails today, interest in codified behaviour has declined, yet at our parties, wedding cremonies, funerals, deaths, seminars or business meetings, we do observe certain basic acceptable norms of human behaviour.

By cultivating correct mannerisms and using them constantly, we are sure to be able to tackle various social occasions with confidence. Our skills in the areas of courtesy, politeness and etiquette can never go wasted.

A senior British diplomat was on his way to a Diplomtic meeting in London when his young secretary began complaining about etiquette and diplomatic Bologna.

“Isn’t it a lot of hot air?”, asked the secretary. “All etiquette is hot air, my dear”, answered the wise diplomat. “But that’s what’s in our automobile tyres and see how it eases the bumps.”

POSTURE

It is bearing, disposition, demeanour and poise that determine the pattern of our lives. A man may stand erect or stoop, he may sit smartly or lazily, he may speak nicely and soothingly or crudely - these and their variations are all part of good manners. A good posture indicates your good upbringing and the poised human body is one that ought to look as nature meant it to do so - upright, straight and beautiful. It is in the poised and healthy body that the poised and healthy mind is most often found.

Sitting Pretty

Anyone and everyone always sits down but graceful sitting begins with the manner in which you approach your chair. The first thing to bear in mind is that the act of sitting down should be done quietly. You should not plonk yourself down on a chair or scramble for a seat. Deliberate controlled movements are needed.

Hands: While sitting down, hands are particularly important. It is your hands that pose a problem, if you do not know what to do with them. Your nervousness may be apparent from the tremor through your hands. You should therefore learn how to place your hands properly either on the hands of the chair, or on your lap, or else they will get in your way and look very ungainly. Hands that are relaxed give you an aura of serenity and poise. Avoid jerky movements.

Legs: Legs also play an important role in your self-composure, poise and confidence. Do not shake or jerk your legs constantly. Besides being an unwelcome distraction to others, they look indecent. The cardinal rule for a lady when she sits is to keep her knees together.

Talking while sitting: When carrying on a conversation while sitting, you should be careful that your body movements are well synchronized so that they project a good personality. These movements become an aid to your posture. Smiles, acknowledgements, nods and so on should be combined with all these.

Standing

Standing is sometimes more difficult than sitting. One reason is that it causes more strain. There are various modes of standing —

(a) Standing straight with your hands hanging loosely at the sides.

(b) With your feet a little apart and your hands clasped behind you — this is termed standing at ease.

(c) Slight stooping or bowing as a mark of respect.

(d) Some people prefer standing with their hands on their hips. This is the worst form of standing and indicates that the person has no manners at all. It not only shows disrespect to others but also portrays an indifferent aggressive attitude.

(e) If you are dealing with a V.l.P., it would be better to adopt a posture of alertness instead of one of laid-back serenity.

Talking while standing: When you are holding a conversation with another person and both are standing, your attention should not be diverted. But if you are sitting when another person strikes up a conversation, you should get up immediately and talk to him. You should not let your attention be diverted elsewhere. The only exception to the rule is if you are the host and have the responsibility of welcoming and seeing to the convenience of your guests, it is permissible for you to allow your attention to wander while in conversation.

Good Posture Habits

By teaching your child good posture habits, you have not only saved his physique but a lot of future embarrassment as well.

Sitting with a straight back, standing with ease and walking with the head held high are the basics of a good posture.

Posture is very closely associated with one’s nature. If you sit erect, use your hands properly and know how to manage your legs while sitting in a group, you portray an image of a confident and composed person. Fumbling with your things unnecessarily, shaking your legs, touching your nose, ears or hair, playing with your fingers — these give you away by demonstrating your nervousness. Correct your child whenever you find him stooping. Stop him firmly if he is getting into the habit of shaking his legs while in conversation. Teach him how to walk and sit gracefully. You can make him understand the importance of a good posture by showing him as two different persons with good and bad posture habits respectively. The difference is so obvious that it will not be difficult to explain the importance of good posture to him.

Impatience : Enemy of Good Posture

Have you ever noticed that person pacing up and down the floor, scratching his ear, poking his nose, cracking his fingers, or looking at his watch every 10 seconds? What did you say? “He is in a big hurry.” For what? No Sir, he is only waiting for a table in this restaurant, for which the manager has already told him that it would take 10 minutes. He is just a very impatient man. And this is revealed in his posture habits. He forgets all the basics of good posture as this devil of a habit — impatience — takes over. So be warned, even if you are an impatient kind of person, hide it tactfully and maintain your poise and charm. Remember, a delay of a few minutes will not cause havoc in your life. The sky will still be there when you look up five minutes later.

Do’s and Don’ts

Keep your back and head straight and don’t stoop. Talk without shifting around in your chair. Sit with knees close together — never wide apart. Don’t take up more space than required. Avoid making unnecessary and flamboyant gestures.

Don’t sit too close to the persons on either side of you. If walking in a crowd, try keeping pace with others — don’t lag behind or stride ahead. Don’t stop suddenly — others will walk into you.

If walking with a lady walk on the outer side somewhat protectively. Don’t walk too fast so that she has to run to keep pace with you.

DRESS-CODE

(This chapter may be skipped by men as it focusses on the fairer sex.)

Dress to suityour figure, face and personality. Clothing-no matter how artfully designed, how perfectly made, how fashionably styled - must always be judged on the basis of its relationship to the wearer. When selecting clothes and accessories, you must have a complete understanding of yourself, your figure, face and personality - this will help you achieve distinction and personal attractiveness.

Costly the raiment as thy purse can afford,

Rich but not gaudy…

For apparel oft proclaims the man.”

– Shakespeare

Good taste may be defined as a refined look, leaning more LT towards the conservative and simple than a flamboyant spectacular look. Remember these points.

Avoid offensively revealing clothes. Never be ostentatious or over-ornamented. Avoid fancy jewelry for day-time wear. Do not follow fashion blindly. Make sure you are neat and clean.

Simplicity and Good Taste

Status symbols have never had more power than they have today. Titan watches, Action shoes, Big Joe’s T-shirts, Kala Mandir sarees, City Look sweaters and Weekender shirts are taking over. But do not panic, if you cannot afford them. It is still possible to look good without investing so much in either your apparel or accessories. It is preferable to carry a good though small leather purse than to carry an ostentatious, flashy and more expensive one from Cottage Emporium.

A well-stitched reasonably priced salwar suit is much more appealing than a tightly fitting gaudy outfit from an expensive shop.

Natural fibres such as cotton, wool and silk are not only stylish but are also classic fibres that are acceptable in any place.

Select a good quality material and have it stitched by reliable tailor.

Flatter your figure and skin: A critical self-analysis is essential for you to get fully acquainted with your own body structure.

Slim figures: A slim, perfectly proportioned figure will have no problem with clothes. It is the overweight or too-thin that must be careful.

Plump figures: Those overweight should avoid horizontal lines, pleats, ribbing and tucking, contrasting colours, accentuating belts, yokes, etc. Instead they should go in for vertical lines, stripes, button front-closing from neck to hem.

Thin figures: The too-thin girl must wear garments that add to her figure giving an illusion of fullness.

Colours

As far as colours go, let us put them into the divisions give above.

Plump girls: Overweight girls/women should go in for staple colours of black, navy brown, or dark grey. Deep reds, darktoned greens, low-keyed purples also suit her. She should avoid shocking pink, fire-engine red, brilliant whites. The overweight should definitely avoid spotted prints, shiny finish and go in for small, patterned prints in muted colour combinations.

Thin girls: A thin girl on the other hand can wear staple colours but in heavier textures and contrasting lines that will seem to fill her out. A petite girl should never wear large or widely spaced prints.

Fitting In

Well-tailored clothes with appropriate curves and seams is the key to a good fit — not so tight that they wrinkle everywhere and not so loose that they hang. A salwar suit or a midi looks best when properly fitted. Most women have this misconception that they need only two or three blouses in basic colours to go with all their sarees. They also do not give much importance to the fitting of the blouse. An unmatched badly fitted blouse or an ankle-length petticoat mars the beauty of even the most expensive saree.

Colour Blending

Colour blending is a very important boost to one’s personality. If you are fair, all colours will suit you, especially pastel colours such as pale pink, blue, lemon, beige, cream, light green etc. For a wheatish and dark complexion, slightly dark colours are used.

Colour combination is an important aspect of dressing. Most women go wrong by using one blouse (usually black) with all the sarees. If you can spend a bundle on a saree, why not make it look more presentable by investing one-tenth of its cost in accessories? Men too should be careful about their colour combinations. Oranges, pinks, yellows, reds and greens are considered ladies’ colours. Men should avoid them. Their best colours are grey, beige, blue and attributes of their different hues.

Although age groups used to matter earlier, these days all colours are worn by people despite their age group. A few years back, it was believed that dull grey shades, all light colours and various shades of cream belonged to the older generation, whereas all bright colours were meant for young people. However, with changing times, these rules have undergone a tremendous change. Today, if you buy a pink saree with a navy blue border for your mother, she will not give it to your wife, saying it’s not her age to wear such colours. Instead, she will wear it quite happily.

However, there is no denying that sober colours do belong to the upper age group (say, above 40), as they indicate their maturity and bright and gaudy colours and dresses adapt well with young ones and children who are full of youth and bubbling with energy. Thus, their brightness and freshness matches best with the bright colours. Children, however, can wear any colour. But their best bet is bright colours, since childhood represents freedom from all worries and troubles, a carefree attitude, and so do these colours.

Accessories

Purses: A purse is a major accessory for women and should be bought keeping in mind your requirements. A leather purse always looks better than that of foam leather. There are different purses for different occasions and purposes. If, for example, you have a baby and you need to carry his water bottle and a few other things in your bag, a clutch purse will not serve the purpose. It is better in such a case to buy a large leather bag, spacious enough to hold all these things. Keep the small beaded clutch purse for social evenings. A smart medium-sized bag with a shoulder strap should be kept for going to office.

Do not overload your bag. It is never considered good manners if you spend half an hour searching for your hanky scattering your belongings all over the place. A bulging bag is very inelegant.

Shoes: Buy shoes to go with your outfit rather than buying them at random and impulsively and then trying to make them match your clothes. If you cannot afford many pairs, shoes in the three basic colours of black, brown, and maroon will do. Though high heels are very fashionable, do not go in for them unless you are confident and comfortable in stillettos. If your toes are pinched and feet cramped in tight-fitting shoes, the agony will be reflected on your face, besides making you irritable and snappy. If you are uncomfortable with the height of your heels, you will be unduly concerned about maintaining your balance and normal gait.

Handkerchiefs: A hanky should always be part of a person’s wardrobe. Delicate lace-edged handkerchiefs for women and full-sized white ones with thin stripes for men should be used. They should be spotless, neatly ironed and changed daily. Remember even a little thing like a hanky goes a long way in building your personality and image.

Jewellery: Avoid the tendency to bedeck yourself with loads of jewellery in an effort to show off what you have. For college students, small studs in the ears or small rings, or a single bangle are sufficient. Ifyou don’twantto wear gold, the marketisfull of chunky, inexpensive jewellery ideal for the college student. Keep the gold for weddings and other special occasions.

Match your jewellery with your outfit, keeping the occasion in mind. You cannot wear junk stuff with a Kanjeevaram saree to a wedding. If you are going for a formal party or a reception, a gold set (earrings, chain, bangles, ring — all with the same design) may be worn. Precious stones embedded in gold look elegant when worn with a saree of the same hue. Diamonds and pearls go with everything.

Grooming: Needless to say that a well-dressed person falls short of the mark if he/she has not paid attention to personal grooming. Deodorants/anti-perspirants are a must in our hot climate. Do not drench yourself in perfume or after-shave. Spray on just enough so that a pleasant smell emanates from you.You need not go in for imported perfumes. A dash of rose water in your bath will do the trick.

The indigenous ittars are as good as any imported perfume.

The Appropriate Dress

We dress for various occasions —attending office, a wedding, dance, party, or just an informal get-together with old friends. Clothes reflect the aspirations and psyche of the wearer. Just as a heavily embroidered saree on a picnic would be totally inappropriate, so would minis or jeans be frowned upon if worn by a girl when she meeets her prospective in-laws or husband-to-be for the first time. The same bright red outfit which looked stunning at a party will be a total misfit at a funeral. A nicely starched kurta-pyjama will look out of place at a business meeting where every other person present is dressed in a suit. Likewise, the same clothes you prefer to wear to office will not do for a formal garden party.