Teenage Parenting E-Book

Seema Gupta

• Herausgeber: V&S Publishers
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018

Seitenzahl: 197

Beschreibung

Bridging the generation gap

Leseprobe

Published by:

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© Copyright: ISBN 978-935-05733-5-8

DISCLAIMER

While every attempt has been made to provide accurate and timely information in this book, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, unintended omissions or commissions detected therein. The author and publisher make no representation or warranty with respect to the comprehensiveness or completeness of the contents provided.

All matters included have been simplified under professional guidance for general information only without any warranty for applicability on an individual. Any mention of an organization or a website in the book by way of citation or as a source of additional information doesn't imply the endorsement of the content either by the author or the publisher. It is possible that websites cited may have changed or removed between the time of editing and publishing the book.

Results from using the expert opinion in this book will be totally dependent on individual circumstances and factors beyond the control of the author and the publisher.

It makes sense to elicit advice from well informed sources before implementing the ideas given in the book. The reader assumes full responsibility for the consequences arising out from reading this book. For proper guidance, it is advisable to read the book under the watchful eyes of parents/guardian. The purchaser of this book assumes all responsibility for the use of given materials and information. The copyright of the entire content of this book rests with the author/publisher. Any infringement/ transmission of the cover design, text or illustrations, in any form, by any means, by any entity will invite legal action and be responsible for consequences thereon.

Contents

  1. Late Night Parties

  2. FB Fiasco

  3. Hole in My Pocket

  4. At Your Desk

  5. Remote Control

  6. Set Me Free

  7. What Do I Care!

  8. Attitude

  9. Dating Blues

10. Gymming

11. Mobile Mania

12. Tag Along

13. My Friends…Your Friends

14. Dressing Spells Doom

15. Career Kit

16. Playing Favourites

17. The Locked Gate

18. Boiling Over

19. Nag… Nag… Nag

20. Food Row

21. Exam Stress

22. It's So Crowded

23. I am NotYours

24. Special Needs

25. Listen to Me

Parenting Marvels

Adolesecnce

Grievances

Parenting Quiz

Publisher's Note

At V&S Publishers, it has been our constant endeavour to bring forth books which are rich in content, affordably priced and ever so interesting. This book, however, is a special effort by us to contribute to the society we live in. Through this unique piece of work, thoughtfully and beautifully carved out by our respected author, Seema Gupta, we sincerely hope to resolve the conflict between the teenagers and their parents, particularly in our Indian society, as we feel that unlike the Western countries, our society, in terms of its new interests and diverse exposure is still in its nascent stages and teenagers as well as parents need to make a constant and continuous effort to bridge this generation gap which has become more prominent over the last decade with the Western culture seeping in.

Parenting or rearing children, especially during their teens, is indeed a tough and challenging job! These are the years when there is a complete mental and physical transformation in a child's personality and behaviour. As children step out from their long period of completely sheltered childhood, they start feeling independent with their own set of ideas, values, whims and fancies, and likes and dislikes. They begin to develop their individual thinking and perceptions.

With children needing to take big decisions regarding their future and career, teenage thus, furthermore becomes a crucial period. The problem, however, arises due to constant conflict in interests and opinions of teenagers and parents with both being right and wrong at the same time in their own perspectives.

Keeping in mind our Indian society and in view of this ever rising problem of Teenage Parenting’, the author in this book has uniquely presented the views and grievances of the teenagers and their parents in the form of interesting and simple Diary Entries. These entries have been accompanied with a Counsellor's advice and a Parental Tip at the end of each entry in which an experienced counsellor gives the required advice to the teenager and his or her parent depending upon the issue concerned. This further gives a third person perspective to the addressed problem and proposes a feasible solution to the whole conflict.

We all are aware that there develops a generation gap between parents and children as they grow up and step into their teens. This gap has to be bridged by some deep thinking and understanding, both by the parents and their wards collectively. Teenagers should respect the feelings and aspirations of their parents, and the parents also should try to be less rigid and demanding on their part. The author suggests that both the parties should sit together as often as they can, just as friends, and discuss their viewpoints, problems, etc., and also debate on them, if required in a healthy atmosphere and then reach to an amicable consensus or solution.

We hope the book will serve the purpose effectively and compel our readers to go through it again and again, irrespective of their age, colour, sex or cultural background and hopefully will act as a handbook for parents and teenagers’ reference during conflicting scenarios.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to all those adolescents who are enduringthis most important phase of life and their parents whosupport them unconditionally with love and care.

Acknowledgements

I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Mr Sahil Gupta, Managing Director of V&S Publishers for giving me this opportunity to make this dream a reality. Without his support and encouragement, this book would not have been possible.

I would also like to thank my husband Mr A.K.Gupta and my twin sons Amit and Arpit for their unfailing support.

A special note of thanks for my daughters Aashima and Ameesha whose valuable inputs helped me understand the adolescence better. I have once again lived each moment of my adolescence through them and been able to understand it from the viewpoint of parents as well as adolescents this time.

Preface

The adolescents and young adults form that salient section of our vast and diverse society which is perplexed about their own position, for their age group is neither too big to be called a fully matured individual, nor too small to be called as children. Parents may try to help, but for some inexplicable reason, the adolescents tend to automatically close their two sense organs — the eyes and ears — to what their parents want them to see and hear. However, if their peer group (friends) so much as whisper, these two organs open wide. Funny, isn't it!

Generally, the mindset of the adolescents is that parents are not their well-wishers. They are old-fashioned, rigid and dominating. This may be true sometimes and in certain cases, but not always. The youngsters feel that parents are good till they ‘give in’ and the moment they don't, they are numero uno enemy, which, they are certainly not.

However, the levels of stress that the adolescents face these days, at times does go beyond the comprehension of an adult mind. With modern electronic gadgets chipping in almost every other day, the lifestyle of the youngsters have completely transformed from what it was when their parents were teenagers. For example, an account on Facebook, today is considered to be a must to fit in their circle of friends. Calling each other is passe, the youngsters either chat on these sites or sms through their mobiles.

This may be difficult for the parents to comprehend as there is a big generation gap which needs to be bridged by sheer patience, faith and understanding on the part of both the parties.

In this book are given some Diary Entries from the diaries of some adolescents and their parents. Both marred with the same problem, they try to resolve it in their own inimitable ways. Each diary entry is assessed and followed by a Counsellor's Advice which provides an amicable solution to the concerned problem in an unbiased manner.

In addition to all these, there is an exclusive Parental Tip at the end of each diary entry given by the author based on her own real life experiences, thoughts, realisations and a deep study of this ever rising conflict between parents or elders and the teenagers.

1

Late Night Parties

Late night parties for teenagers are not acceptable in most Indian households, especially if the teenager is a girl. Does this mean the parents are too orthodox or is there any reasonable explanation to this rule that teenagers find so appalling?

Let's visit Malhotra household and see what Anushka and her parents say in this matter.

The middle class Malhotra household has following members:

Anushka — 16-years old teenager (student of class X)

Rajesh — Anushka's father (employed in a marketing job)

Suruchi — Anushka's mother (housewife)

Abhinav — Anushka's brother (12-year old, student of class VII)

THE CONFLICT!!!

Anushka's Diary

Monday, September 26, after school

It was a fine day today. We had so much fun in school. The best part of my day was when this new girl Jenny invited me for her birthday party on Friday. She will be sixteen on September 30, so she is throwing a big party for all her friends at her place. Of course, her parents would be there too, but they are so cool. They do not interfere and let the kids have fun. And I have heard that the food her mom serves is always ordered from such fancy takeaway joints. Naturally, with all the money they can easily afford all that. Like always, this party will also go beyond my curfew time of 8pm so I wonder if my parents would give me permission to go. I did ask mom but she passed the buck to dad who is out of town and will only be back tomorrow evening.

Oooh! I have always wanted to go to her parties. All the others rave about them. Every time she invites me, mom throws a tantrum – Anu, there will be boys at the party. Dad has his own problems – Come back home by 8 latest. Come on now, whoever heard of ending a party at 8. Gosh, that's the time, the party begins. My other friends tell me that Jenny's parties go on till midnight. Cool man! That's the way it should be. Not like those dull and drab birthday parties that we have at home. First of all, mom insists on inviting only the girls for the party, besides some boys who are my friends since childhood. But they are like I know them from in and out. What is the fun in hanging out with them? Then some boring relatives and her kitty party friends also arrive. I agree they bring lots of gifts, but mingling with older crowd is just not so happening. Secondly, the party would begin at 5 or 6 in the evening for us kids. Although there is always good food that my mom cooks with lots of love and care and everyone praises her for that. She also arranges for some party games for all of us. But come now, we are teenagers not some piggy-tailed toddlers. Why can't they leave us alone once in a while? Then they would wind up the party by 8 or 8.30 for my friends but the older group stays till 10 or 11 with no one to show them the clock. My father also makes sure that all my friends reach home on time. I don't know why he is so stickler for rules. None of my friends complain though, in fact, they rather praise my father for this, but I know they would always prefer Jenny-type party than mine.

Oh, this is so infuriating. And coming back to my immediate problem, I am pretty sure that I will not be allowed to go for Jenny's party. I wonder if my little brother Abhinav will also have similar restrictions or are they just for me. I wish I had liberal parents who gave me enough space to live my own life.

I really wish…

Come to think of it I feel these are the problems which I need to discuss with my parents.

Why am I not allowed to go to late night parties when all the other girls can go?

Why should my father insist on my returning home by 8 pm?

What is the problem in partying with boys when we study together in a co-educational school?

Why are my own parties so boring and restricted?

Why does dad make sure that he drops all my friends to their homes personally?

Will my little brother Abhinav who is twelve years old now, be given the similar deadline when he grows up?

When will I be allowed to be on my own and live my life?

I wish they read my mind and give me answers to all the above questions which have been haunting me.

Anushka

Diary of Anushka's Mother

Monday, September 26, after dinner

Tonight over dinner, Anu told me about Jenny's party on Friday. She was quite forthright about wanting to go to this party which is likely to go beyond her deadline of 8 pm. When I tried to make her see reason that such parties are not acceptable she seemed to get into a bad mood and started sulking. She complained about the parties we organise and how boring she finds them. She insisted that she's a grown up girl now, soon she will be going to college. So how could we possibly force her to coop up in her own little world and not allow her to enjoy like others do. How do I make her understand that this enjoyment does not come without its share of risks? She feels that she is an outcast in her group because we do not allow her to go for late night parties. But what she does not realise is that we do it for her own safety. The world is not so safe and people are not so trustworthy. Coming back from a party so late at night invites many bad elements leading to dire consequences. So why get into all this when it can be avoided at the base level.

I know she studies in co-educational school where boys and girls study together. But in a party, there are not only your school friends but other people too. Just the other day, my kitty party friend Ramola told me about her niece who had been drugged at such a party. I don't categorise and say that Anu's group would also be like this. But as the night progresses, the unfriendly elements are on the rise and our instincts become more wild leaving the civilised norms which we tend to follow otherwise. Why should I put my little daughter through all this while she is still so naive? Anu finds the parties we throw very boring and uncool because they begin early and finish early. Also I insist that from her friends’ group only girls or some boys whom we know from their childhood should come. Instead, to make our party lively, I call a select group of our relatives and family friends whom we know and trust for long. But she loathes the idea of mingling her friends and our group. I never gave it much thought before because I always felt that children learn from their parents and I wanted my kids to socialise and learn to be comfortable with people of all age groups and not just with their own group. But now that she tells me that she does not like it, I will try to amend it and may be let her have only her teenagers’ party once in a while without inviting my own friends or relatives to it. We can always call them over some other day. But rules still remain the same.

No late nights.

Anu does not understand the extent of our love for her. Rajesh worries about the safety of Anu as well as of her friends and that is why he insists on personally dropping each and every girl of Anu's group who come to our place. This is to reciprocate the faith their parents posed in us when they sent their girls to our party and it is our duty that we drop them home safely on time.

Anu thinks deadline of 8 pm is way too early. But she does not understand the logic behind it. There are times when there is no one available to drop her home. Even Rajesh is on tour for better part of the month so he cannot go to fetch her. If she leaves the party at such earthly hour, then she can get public transport and even the roads are bustling with traffic, the chances of any mishap are minimal at this time as compared to 11 or 12 at night which is definitely not a safe hour for a girl travelling alone.

Another grievance of Anu's made me smile but I held it back. She thinks we are orthodox in our views and discriminate between girls and boys when it comes to giving liberties. She wanted to know if we would restrict Abhinav's party hours to 8 pm like hers. Oh yes, definitely. Safety is of paramount importance for everyone, be it a girl or a boy. Once he grows up and learns ways of life, then like Anu, he will also be free to lead his life.

As far as Anu is concerned, once she has become more mature and wise, we will set her free. But till then, she is our responsibility and we will try our best to protect her in every possible way.

I love my little girl and enjoy seeing her blossom like a rose. We may be acting like thorns around her but not to hurt her, just to protect her.

Suruchi

Counsellor Speaks

The problem between Anushka and her parents regarding late night parties stems from the root that many other girls are allowed to go to such parties, while Anushka's parents forbid her.

For Anushka

It would help to allow Anushka to identify more such girls in her group who follow this norm of No Late Night Parties and not just compare herself with those who do not.

Anushka may ask her friends who have been dropped by her father after her party, why they appreciate his gesture.

Also she must have faith in her parents. They are her well-wishers, not her enemies. All that they have in their hearts is the thought of her safety and well-being. For that they have made many sacrifices and would always be willing to do so. So she should act mature now and understand the hidden thought behind all this curfew.

For Parents

Parents should have a heart-to-heart talk with Anushka and clear her doubts. She should not feel as if she has been denied something because this may result in her turning into a rebel of sorts.

The mother should also talk to Anushka and inform her about the vicious ways of life. Ramola and other people's experiences should be shared with her.

Anushka's parents should also convey to her why they stick to their 8 pm deadline even for other girls who come to her parties. Give her some examples and make her realise the importance of this rule. If possible get your views endorsed by some of her friends. Once she understands she will not sulk over such a petty matter.

Last but not the least, it may be advisable to let her hair down by allowing her to attend a late night party once in a while, but on condition that it should not cross beyond 10 pm. Plan your day such that Anushka's dad could go to pick her up from the party instead of allowing her to travel alone.

PARENTING Tip

Instead of tightening the noose, allow enough freedom to the children so that they do not feel suffocated. Keep a close eye on them initially because they may be ill-equipped to handle the freedom in the beginning, then loosen your hold slowly.

2

FaB Fiasco

FB, Twitter, Google+, etc. are some of the popular social networking sites which are the craze among the youth today. But they are not as much in the good books of the parents.

Are the parents being the old duck or are their younglings overdoing this SNS bit?

Arjun lives in Chandigarh. He is like a normal youth of today whose life revolves around various networking sites. He has his own group of friends in school and an even bigger group of friends on Facebook. He loves interacting with them and spends a better part of his day on Internet. Let's meet Arjun and his family and see what they feel in this matter.

Members in Arjun's family

Arjun – 19 years old (student of class XII)

Surinder Ahuja — Arjun's father (self-employed, runs a grocery shop)

Radha — Arjun's mother (housewife)

Neha — Arjun's sister (16 years old, student of class X)

THE CONFLICT!!!

Arjun's Diary

Monday, February 2, nightfall

Papa again shouted at me for not studying and wasting my time on Facebook. But I was studying! Why does he blow his top every time he sees me on computer?

It is not my fault that he cannot understand the ABC of computers. I have tried it so many times but he cannot get the hang of it. Most of my friends’ parents are on Facebook. They know what it is like and they do not mind them spending some time chatting with their friends.

But my father works with a single track mind. For him, something is either bad or good. There cannot be a middle route. He thinks that when I am sitting on computer and I have Facebook open then I am only talking rubbish with my friends.

I agree, we do have our fun, but along with that we do other things also. Like the other day, I completed my chemistry project with inputs from my friends on Facebook. We were chatting online and I could do all the additions and changes as if we were doing it together

We all had to submit that project the next day and there was no way we could do it together without raising too many suspicious eyes (read parents) who do not understand the concept of group study either

I flunked my XII grade last year and it has been completely blamed on my Facebook addiction. This is not true. The truth is that I had chicken pox just before my physics exam and could not study properly. But he wouldn't listen to any reason when he is in the mood to put blame on something for my failure.