Depression, it's PAYBACK time! E-Book

Chrissy B.

• Herausgeber: Unipro
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 81

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Chrissy B used to be depressed. That's right; USED to be because she found a way to kick this inner "demon" out of her life for good. But is it really possible? Well it happened to her and now she'd like to show you how to get there too. But be warned: This isn't a book about learning to manage depression. This is a book about kicking depression out of your life and closing the door for good. So, this means that you will be challenged, but it will be well worth it! Imagine life without depression. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine…

Leseprobe

B724d

BOODRAM, Christoulla, 1973

Depression: It’s PAYBACK time! / Christoulla Boodram – 1st ed. São Paulo: Unipro Editora, 2020.

ISBN 978-65-86018-46-2

1. Biography. 2. Depression – Boodram, Christoulla. I. Title

CDD 010

Copyright © 2020 Unipro Editora

General coordination: Marcos Xavier

Editorial coordination: Sandra Gouvêa

Art director: Paulo Junior

Proofreaders: Raphaela Castro, David Higginbotham, Evelyn Higginbotham

Cover design: Duda Steola

Graphic design: Luiz Felipe Kessler

Text layout: Luiz Felipe Kessler e Willian Souza

Cover photo: Image 1st.

e-Book version: Gabriela Arruda

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Rua João Boemer, 296 — Brás

CEP: 03018-000 — São Paulo — SP

Tel.: [phone]

[email protected]

www.unipro.com.br

About the author

Christoulla Boodram (known as Chrissy B) is a TV producer, TV host, writer and inspirational speaker.

Born and bred in London, and with a degree in Business Studies, Chrissy B’s portfolio career spans across human resources, web and graphic design, and press and community outreach projects before she found a niche in TV presenting.

Having battled with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, OCD and other mental health issues for many years and now completely recovered, she is passionate about sharing her happiness and positivity with the public and encouraging people to talk about mental health with the aim of getting the help they need.

Over the years she has presented various TV shows, and for the last 6 years has been the Executive Producer and host of the UK’s only TV show on mental health and wellbeing, The Chrissy B Show.

She also founded the MHDChallenge (Mental Health Dance Challenge) which is the world’s first ever dance challenge in support of mental health. The dance consists of moves that encourage a person to fight back against depression and win. She is currently touring schools teaching children about the importance of their mental health and teaching them the dance.

Career highlights have included talks about mental health at Universities, presenting various women’s conventions and twice hosting the Love School event at Wembley arena for an enthusiastic audience of over 11,000.

In 2017 Christoulla received a Global Woman Award and in 2018 received a British Citizen Award Certificate of Recognition for exceptional contribution to society and being an inspiration to other British citizens. Also in 2018, she received an International Achievement Recognition award.

Her life’s goal is to spread the happiness she has found to other people through her TV show, events, writing and any other way she can.

Contents

Foreword

1 - So this is what crap feels like!

2 - I’m better off dead

3 - When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?

4 - Over my dead body!

5 - What the HELL was THAT?

6 - Will you still love me?

7 - Waste of my freaking time!

8 - All I want. All I need. Everything.

9 - If all else fails...

10 - When the going gets tough...

11 - Depression stripped completely naked

12 - And now ladies and gentlemen...

13 - Final word

Acknowledgements

Foreword

As soon as I’d thrown it, I regretted it but it was too late. All I could do was watch as it hurtled across the room towards his head. It was almost as if it happened in slow motion. Then the dreaded contact as the heavy remote control hit him in the face, right under his eye. He clutched his face in pain.

“Baby, I’m so sorry!” I cried as I ran over to him. He didn’t look up. “Michael, are you okay? I’m so sorry babes. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I shook his shoulder and slowly he looked up. What I saw really shocked me. It wasn’t just the bleeding under his eye. It was the look on his face. It wasn’t one I’d seen before. I could only describe it as deep disappointment mixed with hatred.

Without warning, he shoved me so forcefully that I landed hard on my backside in the corner of the room. He didn’t want me anywhere near him. Before I realised what had happened, he’d stormed out.

I sat there for a moment quite stunned. Had all that just happened? Weren’t we supposed to love each other? So why were we hurting each other instead?

To anyone else, hurling a remote control in anger could have been just a matter of a fiery temper or a mindless act. But for me, it was a build-up of struggling with years of negative thoughts bombarding my mind - a struggle that I tried my best to hide because I didn’t want anyone to think I was unstable. I didn’t know what to do with all the irrational thoughts that ambushed me so often. I loved Michael, and in the middle of my rage, didn’t realise that it was the pressure cooker of negativity and fear that had burst inside of me.

But that release of pressure made nothing better. Instead of relief, I was burdened with the guilt that I had done something inexcusable. My tears of remorse were also tears of confusion and fear of who I was turning into.

I really hated myself that day. Michael was a calm person and it was completely against his nature to be so aggressive but I seemed to bring out the worst in him. We were both University students, and really didn’t need the extra stress of a rocky relationship. He’d reached his limit. How much swearing, hitting, and jealousy could one person take?

I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I had a great family, a comfortable life, lived in a large 3-bedroom house, didn’t want for anything, had regular holidays and lots of family time. My parents had a really good marriage and so I always thought that being with someone was meant to be all rosy and nice. But then again, I’d never bargained on someone like me ever getting depressed…

1

So this is what crap feels like!

Louise woke up and as usual, the alarm blaring in her ears was an unwelcome reminder that life is horrible. It seemed that she’d only just managed to drop off to sleep. The bed sheets were all crumpled and caught up in her legs – another sign that she hadn’t slept well yet again, tossing and turning most of the night.

For a split second, she forgot about the monster that had been accompanying her for so long. Then BAM! – it landed right on her chest, a heaviness she just couldn’t shake off no matter what she tried.

Louise dragged herself into the shower, glancing quickly in the mirror. Yep, very dark circles under her eyes – the makeup would have to be piled on again so that people wouldn’t ask questions. It wasn’t teenager’s laziness. Getting out of bed had become an enormous effort for Louise for quite some time.

Even the simplest of tasks was a big deal – choosing what to wear, getting dressed, making breakfast, if she even bothered to have breakfast. But it wasn’t just because she was sleepdeprived. There was a constant heaviness on her shoulders, a heaviness that stuck to her like glue wherever she was and whatever she was doing. It could be the sunniest day, her eyes and mind would appreciate that day and she could even manage a smile, but the darkness inside her would violently smack the smile right off her face and zap her of her energy and zeal for life. There she was again, at rock bottom.

She went downstairs and tried to avoid any contact with the family apart from a quick “Bye” as she went through the front door. Her mum’s love-filled, hot breakfast and the family’s Land Rover waiting outside to take her to school didn’t do much to brighten up her days. The fried bacon smelt good and she quite fancied a sandwich, but she would rather miss out, than sit down to a conversation with her mum who was so chirpy. It’s such an effort to pretend that everything’s okay. She didn’t want her family to worry about her. Even if she told them how she was feeling, they wouldn’t understand anyway. No, this was her little secret.

Louise wondered what it felt like to be happy and bubbly like her mum. She often looked around at other people who were smiling and laughing and felt jealous. How awful. What a sad specimen of a human being. It’s not that she wanted everyone around her to be miserable too. But feeling this way is so very lonely – like you’re the only person in the whole world that feels like this. It’s suffocating. Inside she’s crying out, “WHY ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY? GET ME OUT OF THIS HOLE!”

Sounds familiar?

Maybe things for you aren’t exactly like the example above but consider this…

If you

sometimes feel worthless, even helpless;

look around you and the things that once caught your attention seem to hold no interest for you;

are living your life the best way you can but are bombarded by all these negative thoughts;

are in a constant state of feeling really anxious and really empty at the same time, and you ask yourself “What’s the point of being here? Maybe I should just end it all,”

…then you’re depressed.

And that’s a tough one to swallow, isn’t it? Why has life dealt you such a hard blow?