Hansel & Gretel E-Book

Alessandro Coppo

• Herausgeber: Panda Edizioni
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

C.B. Knock, journalist, gathers the testimonies of the fablers involved in “Hansel & Gretel’s story”, giving the reader new interpretations about the witch atrocious homicide. An opinions’ kaleidoscope which gives the impression of an impossible unambiguous interpretation. Second edition enhanced by an interpretation of the events by C.B. Knock himself and by the comments of the opinion leader, The Mad Hatter.

Leseprobe

Hansel & Gretel

Unsolved case – Second edition

di Alessandro Coppo

ISBN 9788893780780

© 2017 Panda Edizioni

www.pandaedizioni.it

[email protected]

Proprietà riservata. Nessuna parte del presente libro può essere riprodotta, memorizzata, fotocopiata o riprodotta altrimenti senza il consenso scritto dell'editore.

I fatti e i personaggi rappresentati nella seguente opera, nonché i nomi e i dialoghi ivi contenuti, sono unicamente frutto dell'immaginazione e della libera espressione artistica dell'Autore.

Author-entry

The following text has been written like it’s an oral story. This means that I interviewed many people involved in the event and willing to talk about it. Then I reorganised them in order to create a continuum, in parallel to the event. A precise reader will notice that the depositions of the three main characters are missing, due to the Und brothers’ unstable psychophysical condition and to the

special surveillance upon the Witch.

The book that you’re holding is the second edition of the text, enriched by the comments of The Mad Hatter, the famous opinion leader, which I would like to publicly thank for his interest in the whole thing. I also decided to preface the text with a brief introduction to the events, extracted from one of the most renowned local newspapers.

Likewise in the first edition I didn’t correct the few little inconsistencies emerged between the various declarations I gathered, because I didn’t consider them as “mistakes” but as something intrinsic in this kind of work. When you interview many different people about the same matter, I think it’s impossible to obtain definite data.

Finally, as the interviewer, I decided to add a few personal considerations (you’ll find them written in italic) which may help the reader to easily understand the climax of the different interviews. There’s also a comment to the sequence of events, as requested from many people after the first edition’s publication.

C.B. Knock

PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION

By The Mad Hatter

Hansel & Gretel Und, one of the most ill famed stories nowadays. The reason is easy to find: we have a mistreated girl, a tortured boy, an evil witch (furthermore, a cannibal one) and a fine homicide complete with a corpse incinerated among the fire and the flames. All of these elements can catch the eye, and if you put them in the same cauldron they become the ingredients of a tasty audience-catcher media-soup. Cherry on top, it doesn’t exist a witness of the events, apart from the protagonist themselves. This undoubtedly adds that extra little bit mystery which doesn’t do any harm.

The people stood aside with the little Gretel and her elder brother since when her account on the entire incident was known. Other hypothesis, even if evocative, were too “bad” for the conformist mentality of fairy world’s people. So if a witch that goes mad tries to gobble up a couple of kids is morally unacceptable when it’s realistically and especially iconographically possible, enough to justify her homicide, even if committed through flaming firebrands. This does not mean that these were the real events, as the investigators who had to examine the case in court well know. It would be nice if it were up to us to decide the happenings of the world and how things are, but unfortunately reality slips away. We Fablers can only confer meanings basing on our experiences or our instinct and (alas) usually both are filled with cliches or stupid prejudices. A precise reader will be able to employ his self-criticism regarding the topic, thanks to this interesting gather of testimonies from which emerge extremely different points of view, just as the cliches mentioned above. These can insinuate in the already cited people’s global mind (and thinly also in the reader’s one), causing the final judgement to aim to a result which can even seem more reasonable for the majority of people.

Plaudit to C.B. Knock, author of this mosaic plenty of colours, or rather shades, which has the value to help who desires to better know both the sequence of events and the odd way of thinking of the ones surrounding us.

INTRODUCTION TO THE EVENTS

Extracted from “The Daily Fable”

“… arrived at the crime scene, the policemen found only a large quantity of warm ashes, a witch’s femur and a few pieces of a ripped petticoat. Ermenegilda Cornelia Rufus of Fornera, known as “The Marzipan Witch” had lost her final battle, probably in excruciating pain, in her own sweets’ oven. She was the daughter of the famous witch named Catalda Bompiani Aurelia of the East (better known as “The Witch of the East”) and of a glass blower specialised in vials for magical potions living in Fornera, a small village in the near province of Far Away. Ermenegilda Cornelia Rufus of Fornera choose to dedicate her good witch’s life to help the wayfarers lost in the Whispering Forest, providing them with a hot meal and a bed where to rest during the dark nights. A solitary existence, devoted to her neighbour and to the sweets she happily shared with everyone asked to shelter in her marzipan house. No one ever had doubts about the old lady’s goodness, until the day the Und brothers arrived, exhausted, at the door of the Social Services Institute, accusing her of cannibalism...”

Chapter 1: THE DISCOVERY

Tinker Bell (psychotherapist): You know, that’s what I tell you. I was there, passing by because on Wednesday morning there’s a 10% off on every purchase at the discount, and I ran out of fairy dust. ‘Cause if you go on the highway you find yourself bottled up in traffic, so I deviate through the forest… hold on a second (she pauses to greet a firefly, ed..)… yeah, hi Ninni, hi. What was I saying? So, I was flying near the small marzipan house when I smell this stench, an awful stench that reminded me something I’ll not tell you, ‘cause I’m good-mannered. At that moment I wanted to go on, because at a certain time the discount fills up with people and at the check-out you’ll find a terrible queue. However, there was also this white smoke that, you know, I stopped there to look around and by chance I met my friend Carrot.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): Ehm… what’s up doc? Yeah, I wanted to say this to a reporter since ever. Fucking Bugs, that guy isn’t even rabbit-shaped. Anyway it’s true, at the beginning it was me who called for help. Disgusting, my dear. Absolutely disgusting. I was going hopping, my own jumpy version of jogging. Ah ah ah. Why don’t you laugh? You’re right, it’s not funny. Anyway yeah, I was sweaty and out of breath, because I was training for the Hogwarts’ marathon (Mc Bunny has three fablympic games’ medals, and got a silver one at bunny’s world championship, Senior category, ed.), when suddenly that noxious cloud gets right at my throat. I nearly died. Shit, I still have the smell of that dead old lady stuck to my nose-hair.

Tinker Bell (psychotherapist): So I get near to Carrot and I say “Hey Carrot, you know, what’s this stuff?” and he gestures me to shut up ‘cause he’s over the phone.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): When I saw the smoke coming out from Ermenegilda’s outdoor oven, I put two and two together, you know. Stench of burnt corpse, smoke, the oven on… I thought she was testing one of her new desserts and I ran there to take a look. However, don’t think that my favourite sport is to mind old bakers’ business. It’s just that when Erme tries, actually tried, cooking something new, she always asked for my help as official taste-tester, ‘cause I’ve got a delicate taste and I live nearby. Anyway I get near to the oven in the garden, under the arbour, and the stench intensifies. So I open the oven’s door and… how is that possible, I say. (he clouds, ed.)

Tinker Bell (psychotherapist): Carrot puts away the smartphone and looks at me, white as a ghost. Well, white for the soot. He seemed shocked, poor bunny, with those little eyes more red than usual. I ask him if he has smoked wee… no, wait, don’t write this in the article.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): Of course I was shocked, I AM shocked. I knew the witch since I was a cub, who do you think that caused my first chocolate-related diarrhoea? And suddenly I open an oven just to find myself in front of her blackened femur. You know how I recognised her? Do you want to know it? Fuck. When I opened the door a piece of gown fell to the ground. Clearly it got stuck when Ermenegilda fell in, or better when they PUSHED her in. If it hadn’t been for that lace representing Elvis eating a sandwich with banana and peanut butter, I would have never recognised her. How disgusting. I immediately tried to call the emergency phone number but my phone couldn’t get through, damn phone company. I’m there trying to call again when from the road here it comes Tinker, who first of all asks me if I have some weed. Fuck off.

Maggie O’Neal (emergency phone number operator): Yes, I got Mr Mc Bunny’s call. It was 8.37 a.m., less than half an hour before the end of my shift. That day I shouldn’t have been at the switchboard but my colleague was ill, so who has to fill the slots? You need a patch, you call Maggie. Of course. Maggie the jack of all trades. Rather Maggie the slave. Obvious.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): Anyway Tinker lends me her cell phone, and I finally manage to contact the telephone switchboard. Now, try to walk a mile in my sweaty shoes: you just ran for twenty km and suddenly you find yourself with your mouth full of a dead-witch cloud, face to face with a femur and with the help of a crazy fairy dressed by Dolce&Bubbana, whose only concern seems to be your smoke reserve. As you can see, it wasn’t a real good morning, was it? Right. And now I say, among all the people that could answer the call at the switchboard…

Tinker Bell (psychotherapist): I know someone shouldn’t laugh in such situations. But even we doctors sometimes let ourselves go. You know, he was on the speaker phone. Can you figure out when the operator answers like “Hello I’m Tinker Bell, how may I help you”? You know, imagine if the person who answers is exactly his...

Maggie O’Neal (emergency phone number operator): Yes, Mr Mc Bunny is my ex-husband. So? The investigators made me point it out, as I don’t know it by myself. And so? Is that a problem? This things makes me an accomplice of the murder in some way? Did I do something bad? I was replacing an ill colleague and I find myself over the phone with my ex-husband that shouts something about a burnt witch and a marzipan house. Nice, eh? And as a background a fucking bitch laughing like an insane idiot, by the way with the most annoying laugh of all the fairy universe. What should I’d think? I’d been awake for almost 24 hours. Afternoon shift plus unexpected night shift, do you think I’m kevlar made? No ducky, see the fluffy hair? See the hairy ball-shaped tail, the long ears, the big feet that don’t allow me to wear high heels? Yeah, fuck, I’m a bunny! I hop, eat lettuce, and I move my little nose at lightning speed. I would also pop out collections of rabbit-cubs if that running asshole… well, I thought it was a prank by my dickhead-ex. So I hanged up.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): Have you ever met someone who got hung up by the emergency phone number? Well, here I am. I’ve got my paws encrusted with the ashes of a witch cremated in a dessert oven, and that one hangs up.

Tinker Bell (psychotherapist): Therefore, you know, maybe a little it’s been my fault.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): However, the worse was yet to come.

Harry Huntman (professional fairy-world hunter): What I was doing round there? Son, look at me: I’ve got a gun, iron-tipped boots, messy beard and a camo vest. I was picking up daisies, wasn’t I? I’m a hunter, wander armed in the early morning is my job. For that matter I’ve been roaming for about two hours before the events, and the day wasn’t going so well. Finally I see a big fat nutria crouched between the roots of a centuries-old oak, so I lie in wait of the right moment to shoot. I’m not kidding, it must have weight seven–seven and a half kilos: I was already tasting its fillet browned in the pan with onions, like my wife Nancy cooks it, but exactly when the furry bitch sneaks out of her hiding place… AAAHAHAHAHAHYYYYAHUOAHHH: undoubtedly the most strident, annoying, scathing noise I’ve ever heard. It gave me goosebumps, son! If I didn’t know that nutrias are half-deaf I would’ve swore that the animal tried to cover its ears. I instinctively threw myself to the ground. Obviously the prey ran away hastily.

Carrot Mc Bunny (pro runner): Anyway, is always a pleasure to be in the line of fire of a double barrel rifle. Especially if you have the ash...

Harry Huntman (professional fairy-world hunter): Son, I assure you that I’ve seen, known and killed lots of beasts. And if you wanna know, I’ve killed some beasts worthier to be in this world than me. Can you figure out how many roars, laments, gnashing of fangs I’ve heard?