Heartfelt Betrayal E-Book

Heather M. Borger

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014

Beschreibung

When you live your life following your heart and refusing to listen to your head, there will be very few that understand your motives. Beth knows this all too well. She has never thought with her head in matters of the heart; she has always allowed her heart to guide her. It has gotten her into trouble in the past. A past filled with painful memories of Chris - a man she shouldn’t have loved. When he unexpectedly reenters her life, Beth must force herself to decide - does she betray her heart again or does she betray the man who once saved her?

Leseprobe

Heather M. Borger

Heartfelt Betrayal

Book 3 in a series of secrets, deception, and betrayal

For those that defy the odds and push forward, refusing to allow their past to kill their future.BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 Munich

Heartfelt Betrayal

Heather M. Borger

Copyright

Written by: Heather M. Borger

Editor: Kelly Bocich

Text Copyright © by Heather M. Borger

Cover Copyright © by Jennifer Andrews

No part of this novel may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise - without written permission of the author.

Excerpt

 He turned and continued on his path. Beth stood on the sidewalk, paralyzed. The last thing she expected was that he’d show up in Riverside and remind her how much she loved him. The wind blew, reminding her how cold she was, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. She almost ran after him more than once, but she finally lost sight of him and was able to release herself from his power. She walked the final block to her house and slowly stepped inside. The warmth ambushed her as she opened the door and she smiled. It was a smile that she should have been ashamed of, but she wasn’t. At least not until she walked into the kitchen and noticed her cell phone setting on the counter. She had forgotten to drop it into her pocket when she left. Picking it up, she noticed there were three messages. She listened to them, tears releasing themselves by the third one. Scott was worried. He tried to call several times and didn’t know why she wasn’t answering. She called him back.

Dedication

For those that defy the odds and push forward,

refusing to allow their past to kill their future.

Chapter One

It had been almost two years since she saw his face - about the same time as the nightmares ceased. His crooked, angry smile and sarcastic laugh stopped haunting her sleep. She thought it was all behind her. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Beth jolted up in bed. The sweat rolled off her face as she blindly fumbled to pull the sheets away from her damp skin. Instantly, Scott was sitting up next to her.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

He pushed a piece of damp hair out of her eyes and even with the darkness closing in on her, his touch calmed Beth. Her breathing slowed from its panicked rate.

“Nothing. I’m okay. I just need to get a drink.” She tried to get up but the sheets still held her captive in their wet embrace.

Scott gently reached for her arm, “When did they start again?”

She knew what he meant. He was with her when the nightmares began. He’s the reason they finally stopped. She was safe with Scott. She loved Scott. But she didn’t want to talk about the reason for their sudden return. She wanted to forget Chris again.

She shook her head and stammered through a vague answer, “I don’t know. The past few days. They haven’t been bad. Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll stop again.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Beth knew he couldn’t see her face, but she smiled gratefully at him and leaned over, kissing him gently, “No. Go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll wait up for you.”

Beth sighed. She had hoped to go out to the living room and watch some television. If he came out to talk with her there, it might be better. Back inside the darkness of their bedroom, however, she’d get no additional sleep tonight. So, instead, she got a cold drink and stared wistfully at the picture of the two of them at the beach this past summer. She felt the nervous shiver spread down her back and wrapped her arms up around her shoulders as she confirmed her suspicions - she wouldn’t sleep again tonight, even with Scott’s strong arms wrapped snugly around her. It felt different this time.

Her mind drifted off as she recalled the events that preceded tonight’s nightmares. A few troubling weeks that she told no one about. Looking at the calendar that hung on the wall, Beth confirmed it was only three weeks ago when she first heard the rumble of a muffler that was all too familiar. She had teased Chris once that she could always tell when he was near; the sound of his after-market muffler was hard to disguise and became engrained in her memory. Three short weeks ago she heard it as she walked to her car through the parking lot after work. It was late and dark, and she tried to convince herself that there were thousands of trucks that could sound the same. As the rumble followed her day after day for weeks, however, it became more difficult to convince herself. As she found herself more certain that it could be Chris’ truck, she also found herself daydreaming. The thought of him coming back for her, searching for her, excited Beth. He was the first man that ever accepted her stubbornness and thick-headed nature without trying to tame her. He was still the only man she’d ever known that allowed her to be who she was without attempting to change her. Control her, maybe, but not change her. Even Scott only put up with her obstinate nature for so long before trying to settle her down and persuade her to conform. She didn’t want to conform. Beth wanted to stand out and retain her strong-willed and stubborn personality. It was who she was. She paused for a second to remind herself of all the reasons she left Chris - the abuse and the fear. That simple act of remembering her past was enough to bring back the nightmares.

Scott walked out of the bedroom. Beth jumped and spun around when the floor creaked.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you. Are you sure you’re okay?” Scott reached out to Beth and pulled her against his chest.

She nodded. “Go back to bed. I promise I’ll be in soon.”

Scott looked down at Beth closely. There was something she wasn’t telling him. As much as he swore to himself he’d not allow the insecurities of his past to interfere in his relationship with Beth, Scott began to lose his grip on that resolve. Meghan had destroyed his confidence years ago when she cheated on him simultaneously killing his hopes of ever loving again. Beth restored that hope when she gave him the opportunity to love again. Each time she showed any sign of doubt, Scott’s insecurities resurfaced.

“No, I won’t go back to bed until you tell me what’s going on. You can’t suddenly begin having nightmares again, but decide you don’t want to talk to me about what caused them. You need to trust me and let me help you. I need to know you are going to be honest with me!”

Beth recoiled at his accusations; then guilt took over and she began spilling out the details of the past three weeks.

“I’m so sorry. Don’t ever think I don’t trust you. I just don’t want you to worry. I feel like Chris has been watching me at work the past few weeks.”

Scott opened his mouth to talk, but Beth held her hand up to stop him and continued quickly. “When we were together, I always teased him that I’d never forget the sound of his truck - the after-market muffler was really loud and had a distinct rumble. The past few weeks as I was leaving work, I heard a truck start up and it sounded just like his. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from and really didn’t want to, anyway. So, I’ve just rushed to my car and gotten in as quickly as I could.”

“That’s impossible. He’d never know to look for you here.” Scott’s voice had softened to a gentle tone, full of sympathetic pity. She could tell he thought she was crazy to believe Chris could be nearby.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I never heard it at the university before. Over the past few weeks, though, as soon as I walk out the door and step down towards the parking lot, I hear the engine turn over and the rumbling begins. It hasn’t mattered if I was leaving early, late, or right on time. The second my foot hits the first step, it starts. Like someone is watching for me to leave. The past few days, I’ve flown out of the parking lot so quickly I almost don’t remember leaving. I’ve even been afraid to walk to my car.”

“Get someone to walk with you.”

“I don’t want to be a pain.” Beth looked into Scott’s eyes, “I’m being silly, right? There’s no way I’m really hearing his truck.” Now that she was wide awake and fully aware that Scott was not going to return to bed without her, what she really wanted was for him to pull her into the living room and sit her down on the couch. She needed him to reassure her that he’d be there for her. She was desperate for him to listen to her concerns rather than dismiss them with a nonchalant wave of his hand, as he typically would.

Scott bent down to kiss her forehead. “You’re not being silly. You heard something that reminded you of a horrible experience and your mind is playing tricks on you. Come back to bed with me and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Beth forced a smile and took Scott’s hand. She breathed deeply, happy to have the weekend upon them. She knew Scott wouldn’t bring up this conversation again. He’d pretend it was all just another bad dream. But at least there would be plenty of time for Beth to relax and convince herself that she was only a little crazy before returning to work on Monday.

Chapter Two

Chris absentmindedly pressed the button on his TV remote. He had passed through almost 30 channels by the time he realized he wasn’t paying attention nor did he even care what was on television tonight. Chris only watched one thing anymore, anyway. Standing slowly, he moved toward the television and turned it off. Maybe he’d buy a newer one someday - one he could turn off without getting up. He picked the beer up off the counter and took a sip. The rim of the bottle never had a chance to leave his mouth. As soon as the warm beer hit his lips, Chris spit the disgusting liquid back where it came from. It sprayed out the sides of his mouth and he sighed, slamming the beer back down, shaking off his wet hand, and feeling disgusted with himself. He shouldn’t have let it set out on the counter for so long. He hated warm beer. He hated a lot of things lately. He hated promising his Anger Management coach he’d have only one beer a day. He hated that his coach felt it would be a good idea if, in a few months, he’d cut back even more. He hated that the one beer he was allowed today was sitting on the counter - warm and useless. He hated the empty feeling he’d experienced over the past two years. It grew inside him and consumed more of him each day. Ironic how emptiness can consume and fill you. Not interested in walking across the tiny kitchen to go to the refrigerator, Chris turned back into the living room and picked up the recording from the premiere night of his most recent film. He dropped it onto the DVD tray and sat back down on his couch. Pressing ‘play,’ he focused on the beautiful face that stared back at him. More than anything, he hated how he’d not seen Beth for the wonderful woman she was when he had the chance. He would be so happy if she was in his life now. Instead, he watched the interview from the premiere of the movie she acted in, hoping each time that she’d answer the final question differently. She never did.

The interviewer asked enough questions, but the last one was the question Chris almost never watched. Tonight, he would use it as a reminder of what he needed to do and how little time was remaining for him. The interviewer asked her question with a smile, not aware of the pain it would cause. “Speaking of your beautiful new gown, I didn’t miss the ring on your finger. It must be new as well. I don’t remember seeing it in any of your recent interviews. Will you be shopping for a white gown in the future?”

Beth reached her arm around Scott and looked up at him before continuing. Her smile grew as she answered the question, “Yes. As a matter of fact, I will be back in LA to visit my favorite boutique in a few months.”

Chris cringed. He stopped the tape and rewound it a few seconds, then watched it again. His pulse raced. She smiled like she had never smiled before. He hated himself for not giving her more reasons to smile when she was with him.

The movie premiere was a few months ago. If he didn’t act quickly, Beth would be married shortly and he’d lose everything. He knew that once she married Scott, she’d never give him a second thought. Before the wedding he might stand a chance, but not after. He played that heart-stopping question once more, this time pausing the film so her smile radiated out at him.

Chris knew what would help him. He picked up his phone and called Walter, his Anger Management coach. It took a few rings, but Walter eventually answered - just as he always did.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Walter. I just need to talk.”

“What can I do?” Walter’s concerned voice was always calming and supportive.

“I’m not going to be able to go through with this. I’m not good enough for her.” Chris’ voice shook as his self-confidence diminished.

“Have you been drinking tonight?” The question came not as an accusation, but rather a reminder.

“No. I opened a beer, but it got warm and I when I went to drink it I couldn’t. I didn’t open another.”

“Good. Then you’re completely sober.”

“Yeah. I hate it,” Chris complained.

“Why?”

“It hurts.”

“Talk to me about it hurting,” Walter prodded, hoping to make Chris more aware of his feelings.

“I can’t stand how happy she is with him and how much she despised me the last time I saw her. She’s never going to want to even look at me, let alone talk to me enough to give me another chance.” Chris’ voice became louder as he spoke, anger edging in.

“Chris, listen to me.” Walter’s voice was stern and his order demanded Chris’ full attention.

“What?” he grumbled.

“Right now you are the person you want Beth to see. Sure it hurts to be vulnerable, to feel pain and regret, but right now, you’re the man Beth knew was there all along. Right now you’re the person she wanted to get to know in Arizona. You need to have faith and believe in yourself. You can do it. You have the courage and strength to approach her and talk to her. And, if nothing more, you can apologize and let her know how sorry you are.”

“That won’t be enough. I need her back.”

“Then you’ll need to work even harder. This is nothing compared to what you’ll need to do if you expect her to leave her fiancé and return to you.”

“I don’t know if I could handle her rejection. What if she tells me to get lost and I lose it?”

“You won’t,” Walter reassured.

“How can you be so sure? You didn’t see what I did to her the last time she left me.” Chris cringed as he remembered seeing the fear in Beth’s eyes from the pain he had inflicted on her.

“I believe in you.” Walter’s voice was strong and still held the determined confidence. He didn’t waver. His voice didn’t shake. He believed in Chris. He trusted Chris. And Chris could feel it.

“Okay. I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” Chris promised.

“Good. Now remember, show Beth the man you are now. Don’t let her catch a glimpse of who you were.”

“Yeah. I have to go. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Call me tomorrow.”

Chris hung up the phone. It didn’t surprise Walter, It was Chris’ way of doing things. He never said good-bye.

Chris set the phone down and leaned back on his couch. He needed to work out his plans. After finally uncovering where Beth had moved to, and learning she had recently been hired by a university near Scott’s apartment and about an hour outside the small town she grew up in, his next few moves fell into place. Chris found a place to park his RV just a few minutes from the university and immediately began watching different buildings on the campus. Knowing Beth’s softball background and desire to coach made it easy to locate her office inside the Phys Ed building and after only two days, he knew her schedule. He had watched her leave every night for a month now. The past few weeks, he tried to announce his presence. Her reaction to his truck, while not at all what he had hoped for, was obvious. She recognized him. She knew it was him. Monday he’d approach her and confirm her suspicions.

Walter sat back in his chair. He considered calling Chris back and telling him not to approach Beth. It wasn’t right for him to pursue her expecting her to come back to him. All along this journey, however, Beth was the only reason Chris wanted to be a better person. Walter used that knowledge to keep him on track. Now that Chris was finally to the point where he felt ready to follow through with his plan, the reality of how wrong it was to encourage him set in. He should have explained to Chris that this wasn’t the best way. He should have helped him see the value in being a better person for himself. But Walter understood exactly how he felt and, in a way, he was living out his own hopes and dreams through Chris and the possibility that Chris might have a chance at winning back the only woman he’d ever be able to love completely.

Chapter Three

Monday afternoon arrived too quickly for Chris. He didn’t feel prepared to face Beth. Time was running out, however, and he needed to act now. He checked the clock and knew he’d be early, but there was no use pacing the floor of his RV any longer. Chris took a deep breath and pulled the door shut behind him.

He drove into the lot outside Beth’s building and shut off the engine. Patiently, he continued to practice what he would say to her. He imagined every reaction she might have and prepared himself to see her again. The longer he sat in his truck, the faster his heart raced. It wasn’t a nervous reaction to waiting. It wasn’t impatience. He was afraid - afraid of her rejection, afraid of seeing hatred in her hazel eyes where he so desperately needed to see forgiveness instead. His daydreams distracted him and he almost missed her emerge from the heavy double-doors outside her office.

Beth pushed the door open. A sharp gust of wind almost took the breath from her lungs. She rearranged her bag over her shoulder and pulled her collar up around her neck, then tightened her scarf. Winter had arrived early in Vermont and was happily asserting its presence. As she fumbled through her purse, trying to find her gloves, Beth regretted not letting Scott get her the remote car starter he wanted to buy a few months ago. She told him she was accustomed to Vermont winters and she didn’t need to be babied. She could handle the winter. She teased him mercilessly at his own inability to handle the cold. Today though, as the wind bit at her nose and ears, she wondered if apologizing to Scott might earn her another opportunity to get that car starter.

She was so preoccupied with the cold that Beth almost didn’t hear the familiar rumble of an after-market muffler in the lot. She was already at her car trying to push her key through the frozen lock when she heard it. She only noticed it then because the sound moved today. She fumbled with the lock a little more forcibly and jumped inside immediately once the lock clicked open. Thrusting her key into the ignition, Beth attempted to start her car. The engine tried to turn over but fell short of starting. Instantly, she tried again. This time the engine revved to life and Beth’s car shuddered in the cold. Mumbling to herself, she rethought her apology. She was going to ask Scott for a brand new car - one with keyless entry and a remote car starter.

For the first time, she mustered the courage and took the time to look in her rearview mirror. As she expected, Chris’ black pick-up truck was parked behind her car. It took only a second for her to realize she was parked in. The car in front of her belonged to her supervisor who would not be leaving for a few hours and the loud black pick-up was now strategically parked across the rear of her car. Beth fumbled through her purse, looking for her phone. She dialed Scott and tried to steady her voice as she spoke to him.

“Hey ... um … remember when I told you I thought Chris was following me?”

Panic settled in Scott’s chest. “Beth, what’s wrong?”

“He’s here, Scott. He’s parked behind my car.”

“Lock your doors and stay put. I’m on my way.”

The phone hung up without another word and Beth set her phone gently back inside her purse. She waited almost five minutes, never looking up. Maybe he’d go away.

Chris watched her. She sat motionless - staring straight ahead, avoiding her mirrors and involuntarily running her fingers through her hair. Her hair was much longer than he remembered it. Darker, too. Maybe she colored it. He liked it. How much longer should he wait? She wasn’t going to get out on her own. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that the rest of his life rested on her reaction to this one moment.

A knock at the window startled Beth and she jumped even though she wasn’t expecting him to wait inside his truck forever.

“Baby, please come out and talk to me. It’s cold out here but I just need a minute.”

She shook her head and silently mouthed the words ‘I need to get home’ through the window. He didn’t leave. She’d hoped he would listen but she knew better. Chris reached down and tried the handle. She was glad she had locked the doors. It surprised her - his audacity - trying to open her door himself after she clearly did not want to talk to him. He knocked on the glass again when she looked away.

Beth eyed him carefully and recognized the pleading and pain in his eyes. Terror filled her, yet something stirred deep inside her and she ignored the voice in her head as well as Scott’s warning as she tenderly unlocked the door, then reached for the handle. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She was terrified. Yet, seeing him there pleading with her, she wasn’t able to look away any easier than she could have driven away - it would prove impossible and so she gave in.

Relief flooded through Chris; she was going to talk to him. His confidence returned as he backed away from her door giving her room to get out.

Beth took a deep breath and tightened her scarf around her neck. Stepping out of the car, she left the door ajar and positioned herself just outside it.

“Hey.” She smiled hesitantly, then broke eye contact, ashamed at the fact that one word was all she could manage to say to someone that had been such a big part of her life.

“Hey.” He smiled back, wishing she hadn’t looked away so quickly. “Thank you for getting out. Can we go someplace warmer?”

Beth shook her head. Words still eluded her. She nervously tightened the scarf around her neck again and wished she was someplace warm, but driving away with Chris wasn’t something she was willing to do.

Chris took her in. For just a moment, he said nothing; he just stared at her beauty. Her shy eyes were skeptical, unsure if she was doing the right thing and avoiding direct contact with his eyes. Her hands were tucked deep inside her pockets. The knee-length coat was buttoned tightly and covered too much of her for his liking. He reached out his hand to tilt up her chin and noticed immediately how she recoiled at the movement. It stung worse than if she had yelled at him or, worse yet, than if she hadn’t gotten out of the car at all. How could he ever expect her to trust him again after what he did to her? “Don’t be afraid of me anymore. I can’t take it. I need you to trust me. I’d do anything to prove to you how much I’ve changed.”

The tires on Scott’s truck squealed as he turned into the lot too quickly. Beth hardly noticed. Chris straightened and looked at her. “Why did you call him?”

“I’m sorry. I was scared.”

“Can I come back to talk to you another time?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Just go.”

Chris opened his mouth, but Beth didn’t want to hear his pleading voice. “Please go,” she whispered.

Chris glanced briefly at the large truck closing in on him in the lot and ran around to the driver’s side door of his own truck. “I need to talk to you. You need to hear what I have to say. Please, just give me one chance. Please.”

He hopped in and was gone before Beth could shake her head again. She watched him drive out of the lot, fixated on the sound of his muffler. Scott’s voice was harsh by the time she noticed he was talking to her.

After his first attempt to talk to her failed, Scott reached out and pulled Beth’s arm to get her attention. “Will you please tell me what you were thinking? I thought I told you to stay in the car.”

Pulled out of her daze, Beth looked at Scott and saw the anger and confusion. She answered quickly. “I’m sorry. He just wanted to apologize. He wants to talk to me. I knew you’d be here soon.”

“Are you kidding me? Just wanted to talk? Beth, do you hear yourself? Why couldn’t you just listen to me?”

“Nothing happened. I don’t know why you’re so angry.” She didn’t know if it was the anxiety from seeing Chris or the shock from the force of Scott’s accusation, but her voice trembled and she felt as though she was close to tears.

Scott reached out and pulled her close. “I’m sorry. He scares me. Please stay away from him.”

No matter how touched Beth was by his apology and comfort, his distrust angered her. “I didn’t go looking for him, remember. Please don’t think it was by any choice of mine that he was here today.”

“No, I didn’t mean … I’m sorry”

“Go home. I’ll be there shortly.” Beth pulled away from his embrace and got into her car. Leaving the door ajar was a bad choice. Her seat was freezing cold and she shivered as she buckled her seat belt.

Scott stared after her for a few seconds after she walked away. He didn’t know what had just happened, but it wasn’t going to be good for him. Beth didn’t do well with his jealous fits. He noticed her glancing impatiently into her rearview mirror and realized she was waiting for him to move his truck. He got in and backed out of her way. She drove out of the lot quickly and in a direction that was intended to say, ‘I’m not going straight home.’

Chapter Four

“Where were you?” Scott met Beth at the door; his voice held all the panic his emotions could not contain.

“What does it matter? I’m home now.” Beth’s voice did not hide an ounce of the anger that had fermented in her heart as she drove around aimlessly for the past hour, searching for answers.

Scott knew he had to choose his words wisely; he had to avoid giving Beth the impression he didn’t trust her. “I know. I’m sorry. I got worried about you - you were so angry when you left the parking lot.”

“Why don’t you trust me?”

“That’s not it at all. I trust you! I do. I don’t trust him, I don’t like him, and I certainly don’t want him anywhere near you!”

“Can we not talk about this right now?”

Scott looked at her carefully. “I think we need to talk about this. I should have talked to you more about it when I had the chance Friday night.”

Beth grew angry. “Well, you didn’t. What else is new?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed at his unsuccessful attempt at trying to sound as if he didn’t understand her comment. “You don’t want any confrontation - ever! You’re just like my sister, always trying to smooth things over but never wanting to say something that might upset someone.” She noticed he tried to talk so she held up her hand as she continued, barely taking a full breath. “Don’t try now, okay. You knew damn well Friday night that I needed to talk about this and you didn’t want to have this conversation, so you decided to push it off and tell me we’d talk about it later. You never intended to talk about it later, though, did you?”

This time she paused for him to answer.

“You told me you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“You are so pathetic sometimes. I’m sorry. You’re right, when you asked I told you I didn’t want to talk about it and you should go back to bed. But you didn’t. You came out and asked again what was wrong. I thought maybe you really cared this time. Maybe you’d sit down and talk to me about it. I was wrong. You’re tired of talking about him. Too bad I still can’t forget!”

He had no answer good enough tonight. She was right. He knew she needed to talk, yet he told her to forget about it until the morning and he drug her back to the darkness of their room where he could forget his own fear that he wasn’t enough for her after all. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Sometimes I still worry you’ll leave me and when you told me you thought he had found you here, I panicked. Just like I did again this afternoon when I found out you were right. Do you want to talk about it now?”

Beth heard the sincerity in his voice and knew he meant it. It wasn’t just to make her feel good. He wanted her to open up to him tonight. She nodded and allowed him to reach his arms around her and pull her close.

“How long has he been around?” Scott had led Beth to the couch and was holding her close against his side as he spoke gently. He didn’t want to give the impression that he didn’t trust her or that he felt she needed protection. Tonight, he just needed her to feel that she could tell him everything and he’d listen and help.

“I guess about a month.” Beth shook her head as she tried to remember the first time she noticed the muffler. “In the beginning I just thought my mind was playing tricks on me so I tried to ignore it.”

“What happened last week that made the nightmares start up again?” This was the question he really needed the answer to. Beth’s nightmares began after Chris almost killed her one night in a fit of rage when she tried to leave the abusive relationship she had been tangled up in. Scott was concerned as to why they returned so suddenly.

“I guess it was just the fact that I really started to believe it was him and not some silly trick my mind was playing.” She couldn’t imagine the pain it would cause for her to tell Scott that she was a little excited at the thought of seeing Chris again, so she omitted that detail in today’s conversation.

“How can I help you?”

“I think it might help to talk to him and let him apologize, then get on with my life. If not, I’m always going to think he’s following me waiting for a chance to speak his mind.”

Scott was shaking his head vehemently, “No way! I don’t want you anywhere near him. Do you hear me?”

Beth sighed, “Come with me then. I think it’s the only way for me to get past this. You can come and help me.”

Scott looked at her suspiciously, “How do you know where he is?”

“I don’t have a clue where he is. I just have a feeling he’s not giving up after one try. He’ll be back and if I know you’ll meet him somewhere with me I can set it up when he comes around again and I can put this behind me.”

“I hate to ruin this plan for you, but you do realize that he’s not only after a chance to apologize, right?”

“How do you know?”

“If all he wanted was to apologize, he wouldn’t have needed to talk to you. He could have written a letter and left it at work for you. He wants you back.”

Beth saw the concern in Scott’s eyes as he spoke. She felt sorry for him. She knew what it felt like to doubt yourself and your relationship with someone. She had often wondered if Chris would ever open up to her. He never did. Beth realized that Scott was troubled with a similar uncertainty and sometimes doubted they’d last. She tried to lighten the mood will an ill-planned tease, “Then I guess you’ll just need to prove you want me more.” She thought he might accept it as a joke but by the look on Scott’s face, it didn’t go over well.

“How can you say that? You know how much I love you!”

“Scott, relax, I’m kidding.” Beth pulled herself up on her knees to be able to look more directly at Scott.

“You’re not completely kidding,” he growled.

Beth frowned at him. She was hurt that he’d respond so harshly and make her question herself. She sat back down on the couch next to him and sighed.

Scott didn’t wait long to continue, “You could tell me I’m wrong.”

“What would it matter?”

Scott threw his hands in the air. “What do you mean, ‘what would it matter?’ Hearing you tell me I’m wrong would mean everything!”

“I told you the first time that I was kidding. You didn’t believe me then, what would change thirty seconds later?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just feel like it would help to hear you reassure me.”

Beth laughed angrily. “Are you for real? I’m tired of reassuring your insecurities! Either you trust that I love you or you don’t. Now, which is it?”

Scott hung his head. She was right again. When he looked back at Beth, he breathed deeply before continuing. “I’m sorry. I trust that you love me. But I worry that a part of you still misses him. And with him suddenly trying to weasel his way back into the picture, I worry that my love won’t be enough.”

Beth hadn't been kidding when she told him she was tired of reassuring him. She stood and looked back down at him before she answered. “Then I guess you have some things to work out. I want to give Chris the chance to apologize and get on with his life. The invitation is there. If you want to go along when I meet with him, then I’d be happy to have you with me.” She took a deep breath and leaned down close to Scott. “I want you with me. Then I want to move past this and get on with my own life. If you want to continue to be a part of that life, you need to decide how to get past your issues. Good night.”

Beth didn’t stay to listen to him tell her how horrible it was that she thought Chris deserved to meet with her just once. She turned and walked into the bedroom. It was only a few short steps and Scott could have followed her and tried to reconcile if he wanted, but once again, he avoided the confrontation. She fell asleep before he came to bed.

Chapter Five

Beth left for work Tuesday morning after minimal interaction with Scott. It wasn’t the first time they’d disagreed over something. It was the first time, however, he still avoided talking to her in the morning. She became more angry at this turning into just another incident that he was unwilling to compromise on and she refused to give in. If and when he was finally ready to apologize for his distrust, she’d be willing to get over it and move on.

She was still lost in thought about her fight with Scott a few hours later and wondering if she should just call him when a knock on the door interrupted her.

“Come in.”

“Hi, Coach Bergan. You have a phone call. He said his name was Chris but that you probably weren’t expecting his call. I wanted to check with you before I sent the call over.”

Beth instantly felt hot. He was right. She never expected him to call so soon. Her face must have become visibly flushed - the Graduate Assistant spoke up quickly.

“I can tell him you’re not available and send it to your voicemail.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll take it in here. Thank you.” Beth smiled reassuringly and stood to try to shake the anxiety that suddenly overcame her.

When her office phone rang seconds later, she picked it up too quickly. “Hello.” She cleared her throat and hoped her uncertainty wasn’t too obvious.

“Hi. You have someone answering your phone for you?”

Beth heard him grinning as he spoke. She smiled in response. “The Health and Phys. Ed. Department has a Graduate Assistant that helps out in here. I don’t personally have someone answering my phone. She just happens to be in today.”

“Oh. Okay.” Chris wasted no time continuing, “So about yesterday.”

He paused and Beth took it as an invitation to speak, but there was no way to put her jumbled thoughts into words. “What about yesterday?”

“I’m sorry you felt that you needed to call Scott. I really just wanted to chat.”

Beth took a deep breath. “I realize that now. I’m sorry, too. I overreacted.”

“So, do you want to make it up to me? How about a cup of coffee? I need to get some things off my chest.”

Beth released a sigh of relief. Hearing him confirm that he needed to get some things off his chest reassured her that she was correct to think that’s what he returned for. They both needed to move forward within their lives. “Sure. There’s a coffee shop about a block off campus. It’s usually not too busy if I go on my lunch break.”

“When is your lunch break?” Chris could hardly contain himself. This was almost too easy. He’d expected that he’d need to convince her. She seemed more than willing, however, to meet him.

“Twelve-thirty.”

“Will you be there today?”

Beth thought quickly. It was doubtful Scott would come with her at all, but she knew he wouldn’t leave work today - on such short notice. She wanted to at least give him the chance. If Scott agreed to come with her it would prove his love and desire to see her happy even if it caused him discomfort. She’d know it was worth the effort to save their relationship and work through their uncertainties. She took the chance that by putting off her meeting with Chris by a day, Scott would go along. “No, not today. How about tomorrow?”

“Okay. Tomorrow ... Twelve-thirty … coffee shop a block from the university. I’ll see you there.”

“Okay … it’s the corner of twenty-eighth and Main Street,” Beth added.

“Got it.”

Chris hung up quickly. Beth sat back down. She rested her elbows on her desk and allowed her head to drop into her hands. Now she just needed to figure out how to tell Scott.

Beth opened the door to their apartment hesitantly. She peeked into the living room and saw Scott on the couch. He looked up and stood as she walked inside.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I overreacted last night. I know you didn’t go looking for Chris and I do trust you. Please forgive me.” By the time he finished speaking, Beth was wrapped in his arms.

She smiled up at him. “Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry this is still an issue. But, I think it’s almost over.”

Scott noticed her smile, but questioned her comment. “What do you mean you think it’s almost over? It should already be completely over.”

“Well, yeah, I mean it’s over, but-”

“But what?”

Beth knew Scott wasn’t getting what she was trying to hint at, so she decided to just say it. “Chris called me at work today. He told me he still needs to get some things off his chest. I told him we could meet over my lunch break tomorrow. I’d like you to come on your break and go with me.”

Scott was shaking his head. “No way. I don’t want you near him. When you don’t show up he’ll get the hint.”

Beth became angry. “What do you mean ‘no way?’ How can you take this away from me?”

“Take what away from you?”

“The chance to finally know he’s moved on and he’s not after me any more.”

“What makes you so sure that’s what he really wants?”

“He said he had to get some things off his chest. Why would he lie to me now?”

“Because he knows it’s the only way you’ll agree to see him!” Scott yelled.

“You are impossible!” Beth yelled back.

Scott threw his arm in the air and sat back down. “I guess I learned from the best.” He turned the television up to drown out her quiet sobs. For the second night in a row she went to bed angry and without Scott’s arms around her.

Chapter Six

Beth walked into the coffee shop and saw Chris seated at a small table. She ordered her coffee and sat down across from him. He smiled at her but didn’t speak.

Chris looked Beth up and down as she walked toward him and took off her coat. She hung it over the back of the chair as she sat. It was the first time in two years he could take her all in. Monday had been merely a tease. Her hair was definitely darker but her eyes were still the beautiful hazel he remembered missing. She walked confidently but smiled hesitantly. She was unsure about agreeing to meet him. When she spoke, he heard the anxiety in her trembling voice.

“He doesn’t want me here.”

Chris’ familiar snide grin spread the corners of his mouth upward. He tried to stifle it as he answered her. “I don’t blame him, but I am sorry to put you in this position, I just needed to talk to you.”

“You didn’t put me in a position. I’m here for me - I needed to hear what you have to say. You needed a chance to get something off your chest and I needed to finally put all this behind me and get on with my life.”

Chris didn’t waste any time. Beth apparently had no idea what he meant by needing to get some things off his chest and he didn’t want her to go on with her obvious misconceptions any longer. He knew he needed to speak up quickly. “I need you back in my life, Baby. I don’t want to go on without you anymore.”