Holy Shit E-Book

ALx S

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

HOLY SHIT - Danish Locker Room Talk If the 'brown debaters' are still the most preferred representatives on the bestseller list, it is possible, that this work is contesting position status. In the best gospel style, it is Achmed Ezra, one of the twelve disciples, who ask questions. However, fiction is stated loud and clear. The formerly successful architect Achmed, sitting years after the financial crisis, evaluating the result of his arrogant approaches to architecture and the industry, at a silence retreat with five other anonymous Danes in the Sahara Desert. Only wearing necessities such as food and water, paper and pencil will the participants be forced to self-examine in deep silence! Communication is shortened to short periods a few times a day. The exercises are many. Mental and physical. Nothing is sacred, even if freedom of speech seems threatened! 'One in three is not the biological father', statistics in the country report! The behavior of corporate princes for several decades, lives on in the best of success for generations after Frederick IX in the suburbs of the Capital of Culture. And long before the arranged marriage to the cousin in Sweden, our Muslim brotherland. 'We are all places!' Queen Ingrid as she only looked at her shoes for the past few years with a bow head! The purpose is to entertain with an alternative cultural understanding guide for refugees and immigrants, who come to Denmark. Achmed is being challenged everywhere from his surroundings, which he is told to describe! The proud Palestinian tries to follow the advice of his good friends, who range from the guide in God's language - Silence! And the gay humanist with royal blood, flushes his genetically predisposed behavior across his relationships, and continues in this translation from the 'New Testament', including Joseph, who has almost lived a monastic family life with his Catholic Mary. This book follows the characters' journey to a more solid human being in their self-exploration in the wilderness, where they meet in the short periods and have conversations! Sometimes they seem to hallucinate and comment on something, which is undeniable. They have no digital remedies in the desert! And the ten days as a starting point, were from the beginning relative! Extracts: KING OF DENMARK: But yesterday I got so much cock - three big dicks - three guys in their forties, that finally I could barely stand on my knees!! I think, it lasted for 50 minutes!! Are you nuts!?

Leseprobe

HOLY SHIT

Danish Locker Room Talk

WRITER: ALx S

ISSUE: 1 Scroll. Paperback version

ISBN: 978 874 301 34 33

PUBLISHER: Books on Demand – Copenhagen, Denmark

MANUFACTURING: Books on Demand – Norderstedt, Germany

The book is made on-Demand process

TRANSLATION: Achmed Esra

TIME: 2020 Cold Winter

FIKTION

EARLY NOVELS OF THE SAME AUTHOR: The King of Denmark, New Year's Eve Speech! Volume I (2017) The Newest Testament, A Cry from the Desert. Volume II Holy Shit. Volume II + Volume III (2020) Prince of Pride. Volume IV (2019) No Excuse. Volume V (2020)

TRANSLATED FROM SOME "SCROLLS" FOUND IN THE SAHARA DESERT TO A DIGITAL FORMAT. ANY PART OR PARTIAL COPY IN THE PRINT, ELECTRONIC OR OTHERWISE, MUST ONLY BE AFTER EXPRESS PREVIOUS AGREEMENT WITH BOTH THE AUTHOR AND THE PUBLISHER.

INTER-FEAR BOOKS

The memory has always played ALx S tricks. A writer with a professional background in architecture, specialization in science and for over a decade has been a leading architect based in Aarhus.

He was rewarded for proposing a relocation of the old main library to DOKK1. And later became designer of i.a. Cerespark's local plan, where he hasn't been, since he turned the first strokes into a master plan. ALx is a resident of the area. The same goes for Salling and Music House expansions, Symphonic and Rhythmic halls, as well as many other houses and areas, which he has also not seen with great pride; since it was just a drawing. "All that rain forest!" Not all drawings became evenly handsome, though they "prevailed". There are countless examples of this in the whole country, but especially in the hometown of "City of Smiles". With the exception of the winner in among 140 nations as best new construction in 2016, AU-Botanical Greenhouse, which he also designed for only 30 dollars per hour for the "largest" and "oldest" architectural firm in Denmark. Here he illustrated with the "pencil" in his right hand. The remaining approx. forty large houses and urban areas, which have ALx S's signature in its architecture, stand only as a faint reminder of an artist, who could not keep up with the development. Due to an arm injury using a mouse, he has been drawing with his left hand in recent years. It activated the right hemisphere, which is less visual, and more sound and words interested!

And often you had your hands tied on your back, so you had to draw with your mouth, or your feet in 3D! "A drawing can't always describe everything - You know two thousand words, say more than one picture!!"

ALx has then chosen to stay in a "silence retreat" for extended periods of time without human contact in the hidden. “With the Co2 consumption that may be due to some strokes, that I have drawn with my French curves and got started, I have learned to be quiet. Otherwise, it could have a big impact on some surroundings, I don't know off. It would require at least 20 earths with those thoughts!!"

He stays in the Sahara Desert to develop new crystals, but opens up as "evangelists" for leaps and bounds in history - The days of the monarchy are spoken in Denmark. The "Times Up” wave has long since entered, and someone got pregnant before Margrethe number two was in any cast - of the purest Gold.

By the same author: The King of Denmark, the Newest Testament, The Prince of Pride and No Excuse.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Scrolls of Silence found in the Desert of SAHARA

PROLOGUE

PRIOR UNDERSTANDING

VANISHED INTO THIN AIR

JOSEPH'S BIRTHDAY GIFT

LE RAT DES VILLES AND LE RAT DES CHAMPS

I KNEW YOU WHERE A MAN EATER

ACHMED'S BIRTHDAY

RANDERSVEJEN BLIND WAY! REJECTION

TIME OF DECISION

THE COLOMBIAN ELEPHANT

THE SILENCE OF THE PACIFIC

THE AMAZING PEACE OF THE Pacific

IT IS DIFFICULT TO MAKE OTHELLO TARTS

FINAL OF THE YEAR

THE SEXUAL DESIRE IS MORE RELIABLE THAN THE TRAIN SERVICE!

IT WAS JUST BEFORE (Joe) CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE…

THE QUEENS OF THE DESPOTERS

Glossary divisible by four.

Yes, the table of contents appears short of headline - so there is just room for a little extra here on this page. For those who do look at the content, before the story begins?! If the content doesn't end here anyway! Now it begins. After all, some scrolls of paper were found buried in a stone settlement in the desert. Some nomads, who crossed the Sahara encountered them, as they spotted some special black tulips growing on the rocks!? But they could not interpret the scrolls. They didn’t understand the language, in which they were written!

"What does it say"?? They screamed standing with the scrolls in their hands.

NOMADE: ”Strange flowers!”.

“Scrolls look important. Does is say anything about Allah? "

THE MORONNICAN:"No. It's not about you. It's about the Danes. "

NOMADE:"What are they not suppose to know,

since it has been buried here?? ”

THE MORONNICAN:"Ssshh, quiet. It is a retreat, don’t you see!! Can't you see everyone sitting quietly on pillows, meditating and doing exercises around the sand hills?? Then put the scrolls back, where you found them. Immediately!! Afterwards, you can tie the camels' legs together, so they don't bounce too far again ..! Then watch out for spiders, snakes and insects and keep them away from people's tents in the evening.

That's your job!! ”.

***

When Denmark is considered to be one of the happiest countries with the least stress year after year, and the envy of many for its high welfare with education and nursing, it is nevertheless not what stands as the greatest parameter for this "happiness”. What lies in it, is the generation of trusting relationships built to:

They choose not to carry weapons!!

They have a common understanding of ethics and good morals!

They can do more, because they help each other for good and evil.

After all, it is this understanding, that makes them happy.

I don't think, we would be unhappy about having to spend 15 dollars to a doctors appointment! Or that it would cost 100 dollars to be taught in some subject?!

Identity and function are my preferred choices.

But I do ever so often feel lost of identity and featureless for the most part! Once upon a time when words made sense.

PROLOGUE

I accidentally activated my brain in the right hemisphere, about seven years ago! But seven years passed, before it became aware of me! My awareness of the right hemisphere is about the same age as my daughter then!? You probably ask: How on earth did you activate it??

Well, I was going for a trip to the hot tropics – I do enjoy the sun and warmer climate – Like Greta! You can make a living from it! - Physically! Not eating for weeks – just being in the sunlight! But when traveling to such destinations like the tropics, you must use caution like vaccines!! So I got vaccinated! I went to the tropical doctor and explained, that I was going to Africa, and was going to stay for three months and in various developing countries! What should I be vaccinated against?

You must have one for typhoid, cholera, ticks, toxoplasma, e-bola and pills for malaria! Are you right or left-handed? "Right" answered the architect! Then the tropical doctor grabbed my right arm, and stuck the whole-ly shit- right where all the muscles are attached to the shoulder!?

Outsh. I think, he was right-left blind!? And upon my arrival to Africa I was then bitten by a tick, who had decided to mix saliva and blood from my right thigh just below the ball!! Where I don't even look myself! Or being able to make others believe my ass, or just having a look see?? If there might be a reddish circular marking around the bite mark - three months after!? I even discovered, that I was getting more and more lazy on the right side of my body! If I had to grab the pencil besides me, my left arm had a greater eagerness to pick it up, and bring itself into play than the right one, where the pencil lay two inches next to it!! Yes? It made no sense! But one day Mary said:

“Joseph - You have a red mark on your thigh! You have been infected with Lyme Disease!!” Shit! So I went to the doctor – again. And he stabbed me with the syringe, this time in the left arm! Now I can't use any of my arms anymore!!? Everything you are reading, sitting down, or maybe you are standing uprights, when you are reading, or whatever you are doing right now – Picking your nose!? Yes – I have written this with my tongue!! I've glued a piece of lead to my tongue! It makes it easier, to tough the keys on the keyboard! And that is why my dear heavyweight reader, I now operate in both parts of my brain, because I was pacified in the right body part to begin with! It might also be the aftermath of using a famous mouse. It is still not recognized as a valid injury!? But I have always been very one-sided using my right hand. Probably because, I was told in school, that I and most people only use the one hand, and it is - Drum Swirl! The right hand!! Well okay! Unless you insist being a lefty. But the are some clearly advantages, when writing with a pencil in western parts of the world! So you don’t smudge while writing. But a keyboard doesn't smudge! And the mouse is not made for humans! It is unfamiliar for the body and arm to handle with such limited exercises fixed for handling of a mouse! And it would be hard for most people in general to switch hands, using the left one, after having been neglected for so many years!! But I moved the same mouse to my left, and asked "it" to learn, what the right hand has taken for granted, that it was its work! Now try to draw in 3D with your left hand! But then it happened!! What??

The right brain that controls the left hand, is not as visual with silent images!! But full of sound and words! I became paralyzed!! I stopped wanting to draw, although the left hand easily could do the job, and easily after a few weeks of practice!! In fact, it soon became unfamiliar to use the right hand! Unnatural even! But I was a little pacified and lost the urge to speak! Scchhh - Silence is the language of God! I learned how to put my actions, opinions and attitudes - everything that made me a man and ego - to the side! I became a woman! Paralyzed!! But more beautiful - Than a man! No, I became more like a feminine thug, who wants to express “herself” with sound and words! So now I want to make audio books!! But I dislike my voice, so I have to use others.

Keeping my own doctor can easily alleviate the problem with the arm! He, and soon more often a female doctor, may take a syringe and inject a vaccine right there, where the tropical doctor's vaccine may have caused the problem! Now with adrenal bark hormone! It Helps - You may have a little sore arm tomorrow, but then you won't notice anything anymore! You can use it right away again - full time! Thanks! Are you sure though? Adrenal cortex hormone really? Facts: Adrenal cortex hormones are also called steroids (corticosteroids)! My own doctor wants to give me steroids!? So I can become a man again!! Help me here! Should I eat the blue pill, and become a man again? Silent Night -

Let us forget all of this female nonsense, that you're becoming a woman - in balance with both halves?! Sitting on a pillow in the desert sand, and writing, whining and working with sound and silence!? Or do you want to enjoy the serenity of your right hemisphere, and just keep using the left arm for the mouse??”, “Mouse?? Why a mouse?? What are you talking about?? You do not use mice today!!? No, you use lamb! Action Slam!

Holy Shit!!

”SILENT SCROOLS FOUND IN THE SAHARA DESERT”

Joe Christmas aka ”King of Denmark”

Ext – Sahara desert , Morocco – Morning / Confession

"The King of Denmark" sits in the shade and writes:

IN THE GREAT LOVE THERE IS

WHY DO YOU ASK SUCH LONG

QUESTIONS YOU ASK

THERE IS A LOT OF

TEARS CAN BE STORED IN A HEART

WHAT YOU REGRET AND BITTERNESS

MEMORIES OF JOY AND PAIN

THE VISIONS OF MEANINGLESS

GIVE ME

GIVE ME YOUR BODY

A PLACE I CAN LIVE

NEVER GIVE UP ON ME

LOVE ME, LOVE ME TOTALLY

PREVENT ME IN DESTROYING EVERYTHING

WHAT IS IT IN YOUR GREAT LOVE?

WHO IS THE MAN YOU SLEEP WITH?

WHEN HE SAYS: "I LOVE YOU"

IS IT YOU HE LOVES?

AND WHEN YOU LOVE

DO YOU REALLY LOVE?

BEHIND THE FACADE

ARE YOU SINCERE?

GIVE HIM, GIVE HIM YOUR BODY

A PLACE HE CAN LIVE

NEVER GIVE HIM UP, LOVE HIM,

LOVE HIM TOTALLY

PREVENT HIM IN DESTROYING EVERYTHING

HE WILL FEEL YOU IN HIS ARMS

HE WOULD HEAR YOU SOUND AND CALL YOUR PAGES AND

YOUR CHARM, YOUR KISS, HE WANTS THEM ALL

VANISHED INTO THIN AIR

Ext Sahara Desert Day

THE KING OF DK:

Is it today?

ACHMED:

Cum again?

KING OF DK: Is it today, that you have a birthday?

ACHMED: No, no, no! It's tomorrow!

KING OF DK: Is it?

ACHMED: Yeah, but I got an early birthday present!

KING OF DK: No, relax!

ACHMED: I had a visit on Sunday evening already!

KING OF DK: Well, I could see, there was light yesterday at 12am!

ACHMED: Yeah?

KING OF DK: Did you get to bed early?

ACHMED: 'Amen, we didn't get to sleep at all!!

THE KING OF DK: Well!?

ACHMED: Well, we slept from about 5:30, and got up at 8 - 8.30! And then we continued fucking!! Shut up! I'm totally wasted!

THE KING OF DK: Yes, yes it can be! So am I! I fucked with three yesterday in one bed!

ACHMED: I can't stand this!? She was totally unruly!

KING OF DK: That's because, you're not exercising! That's why, I go to “bodypump”! You can make your body fit, and such a 28 year old will be taken care of every day!

ACHMED: And she wants to! I don't think, that I will be able to continue for that long!?

THE KING OF DK: Yes, I don't know?? No, you can not! The longer life becomes, the less you can keep it! That's also why, I said “no” to my husband….

ACHMED: You where the one, who said no??

KING OF DK: Yes, that's why, I said “no” to him four years ago!! He couldn't perform anymore! I could hear, the last time we did it, it was so close, that he had a cardiac arrest! American men die of a cardiac arrest during sex!

ACHMED: So it's actually for his sake?

THE KING OF DK: It's actually for his sake, yes, exactly! I've made it clear to him, that if he launches some form of training, so he can breathe again…!? Then we can consider it! But I said to him one night:

This is not good husband! You must feel that too?? It is actually for his sake! It would have been cooler, if we could have sex at home! Then I wouldn’t have to run around in different forests, and alleys and basements and…?? But yesterday I got so much cock - three big dicks - three guys in their forties, that finally I could barely stand on my knees!! I think, it lasted for 50 minutes!!

Are you nuts!? And then I was back home last night!

ACHMED: Yes, you must be in good shape? Because I am totally devastated!!

THE KING OF DK: I'm in good shape! And how many have you “sprayed” your semen to? And how fast can you cum? And can you squirt inside her? And can you cum on command? Nowadays we call it latex free!

ACHMED: Yes, we did that fucking thing too!!

THE KING OF DK: Did you??

ACHMED: Yeah fucking hell!!

THE KING OF DK: Then you risk her getting pregnant??

ACHMED: No! She is taking pills! But otherwise it is just as much! She's damn lovely man! Then we would have a beautiful baby!

KING OF DK: She takes birth control pills or what?

ACHMED: Yeah, she said that, when I asked about it!! But shut up - she was a bit too flippant! She was a little crazy! She loved, that the harder it was, the better…!? I almost had to rape her, before she got into the "red"!

THE KING OF DK: Well, well, I have to admit, that I am not! But I like to meet three guys a year, who want to do it! But I will say, that it gets very tiring very quickly! For what is central to me, and makes it a little luxurious, is to be with a guy repeatedly, when it is not necessary! What took on the idea? After all, is this an idea, that she has gotten somewhere??

ACHMED: Yes, she has been with a guy from the west blocks! Which only fucked her in the ass from the second date, took strangulation, and almost spit her in the mouth! And she could feel along the way, that it turned her on! Although he treated her like a helpless sow! So it's pretty peculiar! But it also turned me on a bit - being a pig!

THE KING OF DK: Then you can make such scenes like the gray one! Fifty shades of gray! I think you need to arrange it longer. Place a chess game, then have her in a sect, and place her under the table! Then she can start sucking, and sucking, and sucking, while you get two turns of chess!!

ACHMED: Yes, I could suggest her at a swingers club, while she would get fucked, we are playing a game of chess!

KING OF DK: Will the “miss” like it?

ACHMED: What are you saying?

KING OF DK: Would she like it?

ACHMED: Yes, I think, she would be game!

KING OF DK: Last week I agreed to meet with someone out at Joys, not on Monday, but the following Monday! He was from Varde - Haderslev! So it's a long trip! But he's been there before! And I met him, but he drove home at 10. Then I met him last night in Skanderborg! And there he had not been with any women!! Nice tall guy with full beard! Huge hair! His hair was powerful! It was the power stuff like a steel wool brush! There had been some women last night, that he couldn't do it with! There was a fat woman of 35 years, who got the cock of all the men! And he couldn't attend!

ACHMED: No, of course not! But I have two tinder profiles! And she had written to me, on the one created with facebook id where, I have declared them, I am 35! So she pictured me at 35! And she was 28! So it was along the way, that I went to confession and admitted, that I was actually not 35, but turning 45!

THE KING OF DK: Well! What did she say to that?

ACHMED: She stayed fourteen hours, after I told her! And I lit a spark and some fire in her! And she writes, that she thinks of me and misses me! But she also went on to say: No, it’s a pity! Too bad! I can't have a relationship with you, when you're that old!!

THE KING OF DK: I should say, that I think, it is too much - ten years! Couldn't you settle for five? It depends on, how much you want to date?? But I am going with 42 at the moment, and there have been no problems at all! But it is only special, when you meet 46 year olds!! They can see, that I am older than them! And in my optics guys get more and more picky, the closer they get to the age of fifty!

ACHMED: Okay – sounds like me!

THE KING OF DK: Yes, you are also in a period, where you feel, you deserve such a skin tight 28 year old!!?

ACHMED: Yes, the most funny thing was, that she then started to convince me, that she was actually only seventeen!! And I started to believe her, with the reaction she had at first, when I revealed my age! But she wasn't! She also said at one point: That I'm actually more turned on you now, that you're saying, you're 45!

THE KING OF DK: Yes - I also think, you will get some real women! After all, it's not worth grabbing a 28 year old, who doesn't want you at 45!!

ACHMED: No, no! But she has not experienced anything like this for the past 24 hours - It may be, that she and I are currently. I agree. It may not be girlfriend potential, but fuck we enjoyed the company!!

THE KING OF DK: Don't you go and be lovers, with all the women you meet up with?! What would Isa think, if she found out?

JOSEPH: No, I have to admit, it's an emotional ride too!

KING OF DK: But try to see, if you can turn it off a bit, because! In reality it should have been a lovely sex experience! So in Niles and Frasier, we actually saw that section yesterday, where Niles was knocking around with a twenty-two-year-old waitress downstairs from the café, they meet at every day! And there is also a section, where Niles walks around with an escort girl, but he has given her his account number! So Frasier had to tell him quickly: "Get off with her!" She is an escort girl! Then Niles says: You are envious! Then he said: Did she nod to your African doll collection? "Yes," he answered! Then he can figure out, that she thinks, everything he does, is great!! You know what? We'll just have to try, Achmed! I just have to walk from the front door up to the car, and the last time I did it….?

ACHMED: We lost the connection? No, I had a dream! I actually dreamed this weekend of a crazy Salvador Dali-like house! So when I woke up, I hurried up and went down and drew, what I remembered!

THE KING OF DK: Well, a house in a dream, it's yourself! It's one's space! And when you discover new spaces, it's because, you have some new pages! If two people suddenly come with a stroller, the dream interpreter asks: Is there both a man and a woman present? Or is there only one party? Most people, either there are both a father and a mother…. Or?

ACHMED: Well, yes, but they have become very fine white your new basins?

KING OF DK: Yes, or the balcony I was just about to say! Do you want a cup of coffee?

ACHMED: Yes, in a minute!

KING OF DK: I've been really tired, since I woke up at 4am! I took an early day. I was up very early!

ACHMED: You haven't slept a nap then??

THE KING OF DK: I don't know?? Two to three hours! I woke up.. I thought, I had slept longer! Now I am awake! But I didn’t make the tonight’s walk with the dogs at all!

ACHMED: When are they walking?

THE KING OF DK: They leave at 4pm! And my husband suddenly says as, he sits down, and I wake up: “It's ten minutes to five!?” But that's because, I've been banging this morning on the freeways resting points. With big truck drivers. I usually do not admit to anyone! Mina when she asks: What are you doing? I can't answer that question!? I will never tell anyone, what I'm doing! I am just driving around in the car! Errands!

ACHMED: You ride with the bloke!! Ha-ha!

KING OF DK: You have to make sure as little information goes from you to Mary as possible! So she doesn't have to know, if you've got new girlfriends or been on dates!!

JOSEPH: Well, I said nothing either! I couldn't reveal that at all! Ha ha ..

KING OF DK: But did she say, you looked tired??

JOSEPH:You probably look tired! Yes I am too! I'm totally smashed.

Every cell in my body has been raped!! Ha ha!

THE KING OF DK: That's great!

JOSEPH: Yes, I tell you! It's the best I've had in ten years!

THE KING OF DK: It seems every time!

JOSEPH: No .. I haven't gotten anything in ten years!!!

THE KING OF DK: That's unusual, too!? I know guys, who have a new lady every day! Well, but I'm just trying to see, if I can cheat it and reel in it! It can do that!

ACHMED: And then they showed the “Child Abusers” program!

KING OF DK: Well? I haven't seen that either. We shall see that afterwards! Although I would like to ask the host Henrik Kvortrup, why he is using gunpowder on it??

ACHMED: Because he's doing spin! He's a former spin doctor! He tries to make a spin, then everything that he himself has done in the past, and has been convicted of at the Ekstra Bladet! He tries to cover it up with something else!

KING OF DK: Yes, yes! No, I do not know, if I will buy that explanation?? He can only do this, because he has people behind him, who applies: Now you get free reins to run around with a camera team! And the police must also be cooperative in the civil arrests, more or less! And I have to admit, there is more to it than that! Something more! It's thin! For me, there's something more behind. Okay. Henrik Kvortrup has got the fat in the ass of someone like four-year-old!? That's why, he does it! Because he turns completely green in the head!? After all, he has no understanding of the people, he meets!? I am much better at giving the characteristics of them! I've seen them! I'll met them! I've chatted with them! I have started to say: You have to watch out, for that Henrik Kvortrup doesn’t come after you!

ACHMED: Ha-ha. Amusing!

KING OF DK: And there I was being blocked by the management! Inside the superchat! Henrik Kvortrup, it is a name, that must not be spelled correctly; then you will be blocked! Then you can't enter again for six hours!?

ACHMED: Henrik Q?

KING OF DK: No with K! Because it's with Kvor. It's not Q!! A friend of mine, Jon Baker, changed his name to Qvortrup, because he got married! But he married someone named Kirsten Qvortrup, when he left high school! And then he took her name, even though his name was Jon Baker! I do not understand?? It's such a nice name!

ACHMED: I know several people called Baker! And it has nothing to do

with a bakery!!

THE KING OF DK: Well! So in French there everyone is named "Ger"!

Like Michel Berger! Frances Gall's husband! Fleur! Fisherman!

Then there is cream! On the occasion of your birthday, you get cream!

ACHMED: Well, that was great!

CHURCH BELLS RING

ACHMED: Is anyone getting married now?? On a Tuesday!?

KING OF DK: Well, how did it go with Isa this weekend?

JOSEPH: I have no idea?? Yes, I called on Sunday, but Isa didn't really want to talk. And that was actually the only time, I've have called, and it was today. She doesn't really bother talking on the phone! So that's why, I didn't make the big fuss out of calling either. After all, it is not for the sake of the child, that we call every night!

KING OF DK: No, hell! The reality, it's so trivial! So the calling I can recognize with Mireille! It takes one out of living! And I look at people sitting, talking and texts while driving around with headsets in traffic! No, you're not driving! You sit and talk! I've seen more today!? And young men, god damn it?! Is it a law, that they must have it upside down, and they drive from hell to …?? They drive too slow! They run into overpass lanes, and when they turn right, they stop the whole range of traffic behind them, because they can't turn!? What to say??: "Yes, you don't have to blink 400 meters before you turn! You drive quickly to your lane and turn - Finished! ”

But you know what? Now I thought this Christmas, that I was just about to get well and something like that, and then I asked at the table: Is it just me, or is the world running out of good manuscripts?? Then Felix scornfully said: No, it's just because, you've been sick –

But no, it's true! The world has run out of good manuscripts!

I just saw an advertisement on TV the other day - All the movies that come to the cinemas from Los Angeles, it's effect movies! These are not good stories!? Isn't it crazy, that the world has run out of good stories? Isn't it crazy??

Yes. So what? Have you been smoking weed or something?

JOSEPH: No, I haven't smoked in a month!! But in return I ate a sponge yesterday! I found an old narcotic fungi. Mary is packing her stuff in moving boxes!

KING OF DK: Has she found anything to live in?

JOSEPH: Yes, but she didn't tell me!? I've read it in her calendar! Apartment lease, and then she has drawn a heart??

KING OF DK: Well, aren't you talking together?

JOSEPH: Yes, I talk! But she says nothing!?

KING OF DK: Is that right?

JOSEPH: She doesn't say a word! Shuts the door and go into another room, or ask me to go somewhere else! But from June 15 she will move out! In any case, she has a place to live! Near him her new Greenlander boyfriend!?

KING OF DK: Greenlander?!

JOSEPH: Two years younger than me! He is the same height as me and stands on skateboard 365 days of the year!? All his facebook pictures are only of him standing on skateboard!? But he has some cute kids, because they go to kindergarten with Isa. Yes, it's fun so she gets some siblings now. That's nice! How are you feeling?

KING OF DK: I'm fine! Bit tired!

LE RAT DES VILLES ET LE RAT DES CHAMPS

EXT SAHARA DESERT EVENING

THE KING OF DK:

Then I've also seen another one, that is edible fun - Do you know it?

ACHMED: Yes, yes - It is in Danish too!

KING OF DK: Is it?

ACHMED: Yes, it's called: "The City Mouse and the Land Mouse!"

THE KING OF DK: "Le Rat des Villes et le Rat des Champs". It goes fast! Some what fifties entertainment! No, the sixties! It's a seventeen / eighteen year old Mireille Mathieu! They are good! Then listen to her new song!

ACHMED: Which is recorded this year?

KING OF DK: No '84! You know it well?

ACHMED: Yeah ha!

THE KING OF DK: Then it ends with "Für Elise!" You could say that in '84, her voice was at its peak! It is very well written! And then the text is good! The fact that she expresses her anger, her grievance, makes it possible to hear it forever. And you can!

ACHMED: They just took off six beats - Do-do-doo-dou-do-doo, and then they didn't take the last note, because then they had been busted! I think, the limit is up to seven nodes?

THE KING OF DK: Yes, it is so beautifully written! And Elisha is there! It's like a fatal organ! When morning comes, she is gone! They play "Toujours" - Forever! Then you get to know it! As a child!

JOSEPH: Yes, I listen to Alizee, then there is something for the daughter, as well as the father!! Ha, ha! She wants to listen, and see that too! And she likes that video, and I don't know, if it's the "Lolita" song? Where a girl is having a quarrel with her mother at home, and then she flees across a field and away from her boyfriend?!

KING OF DK: It's the first!

ACHMED: That video she likes!

KING OF DK: Funny! Well! Yes, but you said, she liked Mireille Mathieu? And it has actually been investigated in France! Mireille is the one, that all kids think is "fun"! Have you seen them there: "The College Fame School"? Children really think, she is attractive! And now throughout her career, she has sung with a children's choir, which Piaf sang with too. And that school has existed, and has been associated with Edith Piaf and Mireille Mathieu, and they have to use a boy choir, and in 1976 Mireille that was going to be her biggest hit! And I've always been able to look at the ten-year-old boys. They are absolutely crazy with her, the forty-year-old lady - Right? Fun! Her voice has exactly the same frequency!

ACHMED: Like Sound of Music?

THE KING OF DK: Yes, I think Julia Andrews,

she is something more of an adult girl!

ACHMED: So was Mireille Mathieu,

if she was forty to those kids??

THE KING OF DK: Yes, but it's strange??

But in fact it was almost not? She was a little age loose!

ACHMED: Should we quit smoking?

THE KING OF DK: Yes! Yes, because. Then everyone would hear Bach! Just the tune before she starts singing. Then you can put it on in the morning! Then you can say that, before the song is done - get up!

JOSEPH: Yes, I wake her up sometimes with music in the morning!

THE KING OF DK: And the one who is especially nice to wake up to,

that's Bach's prelude! 1820!

JOSEPH: I have to try that!

THE KING OF DK: Jack Jackson played it on the piano in the big chapel across the West, when Sten was stoned! Shut up - It sounded great! It sounded really good! And this is something, that has been added in 1996! Many has got the same idea! This is not the first time, that Bach's Prelude has been used for a popular tune! Amanda Lear in 1976 had "Alphabet". "A - stands for Anything - B - is for Bach!". One has to rewind to hear Amanda Lear say: “Sexy! We thought, that was one of the wildest things in 1976!

ACHMED: Yes, that's the equivalent of "Youporn" today!! Ha-ha.

No, Mireille Mathieu can hardly sing anymore! And is a pity, that she did

not stop at the top!

THE KING OF DK: Shut up. She performed five evenings in Moscow here last week, when Putin held elections! Fortunately, there were in Ukraine. I'm going to do a Fakenews article about him! I know, that Putin is a fan of her. I've never met any heterosexual men, who are fans of Mireille Mathieu!? He is a fagot after all!! And I think, the world must know about it! I've been angry at him over it lately. What about Syria?

ACHMED: Putin is a fagot!?

THE KING OF DK: Yes and Boris Yeltsin!! He got forty records with Dolly Parton, when he was visiting the White House!? I think, that's fun! She has barely released in Russia, and he was absolutely crazy about Dolly. Then you have to ask yourself on behalf of Boris Yeltsin:

Does it have anything to do with her tits, or do you like the way, she sings??

ACHMED: He was fucking drunk! Those scenes where he takes the

conductor and pats the girls!?

THE KING OF DK: The White House staff, they asked him and his wife, if there was anything, they could get? And then he asked them, to get a Dolly Parton collection - Complete! And they actually got it for him!

I was excited about my path for homosexuality! My dad must have looked with wonder at, who I was, when I suddenly ...!? Focused on Mireille Mathieu and traveled to France as a ten/eleven year old. But "us," who has it more difficult, get a more enjoyable life. It has been proven in the US! There is nothing like accomplishment, that can ruin a life! And make it monotonous. All "overachievers" have something to prove! But you can have fun as parents, you can't protect your children from adversity. It's one of the only things, you can't. You want to… But: "If I could, I will protect you from the sorrows in your eyes!" That's Garfunkel. No, it's Paul Simon. Fucking fagots! This song I have loved! Always!

ACHMED: Yes, but if I have to write a debate post, what do you think the

main theme is, that we talk about?

THE KING OF DK: If anything, then it must be "Times up”!

ACHMED: "Times up”!? Yes, I write that the days of the Royal House are numbered. The "Times up” movement has long since entered. Someone got pregnant, before Margrethe the second was in the mold! It's funny, that I'm not writing Queen Margrethe at any point! I only write Margrethe, and Margrethe's father, Crown Prince Frederik IX.

It is there, that the "chain" jumped off!! Ha ha!

KING OF DK: Ha ha. "The Passionate Prince" he was called! They called him that - Frederik IX. "The Passionate Prince" while living in Aarhus! He lived on the top floor of the Hotel Royal. It was the royal suite. It was before, they were given Marselisborg Castle! And he was a bachelor here in Aarhus for many, many years before he met Ingrid and got Margrethe.

ACHMED: Surely his cousin??! That family is pure inbreeding!?

KING OF DK: It is during that period, that my great-grandmother Paula

got my grandmother with him!

ACHMED: I saw a Danish Radio program, called "Our fantastic planet". It was about the only mammal, that has managed on all continents, and then it told about "Man"! On three continents, someone had to go for three days to find a well of water, here in the Sahara desert. And it was very much about the Sahara. Which again just…??

THE KING OF DK: Sahara has only been around for 3,000 years! It was green 3,000 years ago!

JOSEPH: And the rivers are still under the sand! And so they dug down to grab the wells, and try to dig sewers, that can direct the water to their cities.

KING OF DK: It's the heat, that has created the Sahara. And that has created a worse demographic spread. Because 3,500 years ago, when there was peace down here, and because they coexisted. Then it happens, that a sandy area occurs after their fields, and it runs like rings in the water. So there have been wars around the countries on the borders. One has fought - huh? After all, it has been incredibly fruitful. In Egypt's heyday, 3,500 years ago, it was green! The Nile was green!

And then I don't know, if you can say, that it is the Muslims, who destroy everything?? But they do in every case, too! They do! Fuck, they have destroyed Bethlehem, twice!! I remember Bethlehem looking something like old Brabrand, and then I came there last time, it was a big fucking ruin!!? It was so bombastic!? And so it is the Palestinians, who bomb themselves! It's not Israelis sending bombs in there! It is to convince the world, that they are rebelling!

You can also make a conversation in a chapter eventually, as a form of reconnaissance of two old men sitting and talking, where the one old man says: "Are you saying, there was grass here on the globe??".

"And you say that the sea, it was blue??". "Do you have evidence of that??". "Are you honestly telling me, that there were flowers!?". And then they are completely crazy about something, that today we just take for granted!

Now I've also told my husband for twenty years, that he should write a book about, what it's like to be: "American in Denmark", like the one "American in Paris!" And there is one, that has been on the bestseller list last year. There was a Danish/American woman, who has moved with her husband over here, and has experienced Denmark! And it sold 1.4 million copies in New York!?

ACHMED: So who did she, send it to??

KING OF DK: Probably KNOPF? America's largest publisher! Toni Morrison uses them too. KNOPF in New York. It was also those, who published H. C. Andersen and Karen Blixen!

ACHMED: I joined a Facebook screenwriting group, and there was someone, who wrote, that he had written a book in English, even though he was Danish. So he wanted to publish it internationally, and asked which publishers, would the group recommend? But they answered him:

Listen, the English and American publishers, they drown in manuscripts! If they receive any material from a native in their own language, then they understand it. But do they receive something from someone, who does not have it as their mother tongue?? Then it should pass by a proficient reviewer or an English expert ...!

THE KING OF DK: Well, in principle, they are right. But now I can't comment on his English! But I am trained for it, so I can see if ...?

ACHMED: It's something, you would throw up upon??

THE KING OF DK: But then there is someone ... Karen Blixen wrote: "Seven Gothic Tales" in English. And the following year she stood in every fourth American home. So she became well known, although the Danes had not published "Seven Gothic Stories" in Danish! It was translated from English. So there is someone, who breaks it there. But in principle, and that was our English professor at the university saying:

“You will never write a book in English!! You must not believe that!! ”.

The Dean!

ACHMED: Did he say that, the one who taught you English?!

THE KING OF DK: Yes! But "Netherland," a relatively new American success, was written by a Dutchman. And the book about Denmark last year, that has been on the bestseller list. Because everything is Danish, it interests the Americans. They have been brainwashed with Denmark for the last fifteen to twenty years. In particular, they started brainwashing during the "Muhammad crisis". Support campaigns were made for Danes on the east coast. My mother-in-law told about it. But so were many places. It just benefited the whole thing! So that's why, she could sell 1.4 million just by writing "My life in Denmark!". So simple it is called! My husband could have written that many years ago!! And you almost know, what some stereotypical issues need to be brought up, right? It's: Ecology, it's green, it's cycling, the Little Mermaid and maybe highlighting Blixen more than Andersen, to make it a little more equitable!

If H.C Andersen had been alive, he would have been hit by "Times Up", and then he would have killed all women!! And bound the men and fucked them. And used his power! Andersen was Europe's most influential person in his own lifetime!

ACHMED: Yeah, I don't understand that??

THE KING OF DK: The Italian emperor and the Germans rolled out the red carpet, when he came by train! It's crazy! And Helena, he always wrote fake love letters about, the Swedish ballerina! She humiliated him and mocked him, when finally stepping up after a ballet in Stockholm once. It's been a tough blow for him.

ACHMED:“H.C. Andersen was a very, very ugly man!” Ha ha. It is a little strange, Hans' first short story, that he sent to the theater, was about a baby thrown into a horse-drawn carriage, so the blood sprayed on the "ghosts". My first short story was a burglar, who threw a baby around the nursery. But where you only heard bump sounds, and then you see the thief, come out on the porch with the baby holding in his leg with one hand!! The father standing and tearing his garden, went to the thief, handed him his tear, and went into the house! Sick! It was from a dream, that I had!! H.C. was just as sick of his deadly ingenuity, as I am!? To travel is to live!? I pour more to Karen Blixen after Times Up!!

KING OF DK: Unsympathetic in all respects.

ACHMED: Yeah. "The Little Mermaid" can be read as a transgender fantasy, in which Andersen dreams of getting rid of his "tail", and thus getting his prince of dreams. But the Chinese do not know about a chiang stick!? So China could also be a market? That is what, I tell my parents! That my target audience may not be in Denmark!?

THE KING OF DK: Intellectuals will try to find head and tail in this one!! They will!

ACHMED: But you should just read the book for proof. And then I think, it should try to have a life??

THE KING OF DK: Yes, so the question is, whether the world has come to it, that they should have a book, where there are misspellings?? After all, it will be tremendously honest by the narrator, right? In fact, there are some of these black writers, who have written essays, and Mel Johnson, who has written a Nobel nominated novel in the 60s about racism. There, the publisher simply chose to publish exactly, as she had written it! With the spelling mistakes because it is a black uneducated girl. Then it suddenly has a meaning! That the reader can see, what she is capable of, and slang and then leave it at that. Already in Faulkner's time, he used words like nigger in the book, that you have in hand. And that was it .. Faulkner! My sister-in-law, who was just here, she was furious at Faulkner. She has learned in school, that Faulkner was a racist. But we learned afterwards, that Faulkner didn't write nigger, because he didn't like blacks! But he wrote it, because he wanted whites to understand, that this was, what blackness was!

ACHMED: But blacks use even more racist words among other, than whites do?? So if a white says to a black: Nigger, come here! Then it's racist!

THE KING OF DK: Yes, yes

ACHMED: When a black says to a black: "Now we go nigger". Then it's fun or friendly!

THE KING OF DK: There's a whole lot there! And there is something called internal racism. That's what, Toni Morrison's last novel was about. There she tried ...? It is a child, who is simply a grade blacker than all the other children, the couple has had. So the baby is that black, they can't love it!

JOSEPH: One of the educators at Waldorf education asked our kids - She'd probably asked them all: What does your father or mother do? And there she also asked Isa: What is your father doing? "He makes books," she replied then! Because I have shown her my scrolls, and have told her, that I have written them!! Yes, Dad makes books!!

THE KING OF DK: That's fine.

It doesn't have the same meaning at all today, as it did forty years ago! When someone asks someone: What are you doing? And just today as your nephew, who has established the identity of the British high class, the world is a big identity snobbery today: “This week my dad makes books! Next week he bakes cakes and ..?”.

You think, the grass is greener on the other side! And it is not!!

JOSEPH: Now I'm going to find a new partner, that doesn't have a "body of pain!"

THE KING OF DK: The absence of being together and being friends when the three years have passed, where the love and fascination lasts, it's so great! And you can't just do that to anyone! I usually say to my mates:

Oh, I'm so happy, when I'm in love because. Then I know my heart is still alive!! And it has happened three/four times, that I have fallen in love with guys after my husband! So I am someone, who has an easy fall in love. And I'm really happy to have that property. It is so wonderful to be saved in a whole spring by someone, who just says the wildest things to you ..!!

JOSEPH: Or just have one look in the eye! No, that is.

THE KING OF DK: Shut up - Jorgen and I just drove by the resting place at Fuglsang yesterday, then some cars parked. Four out of five sat watching porn on their cell phones!? Inside the car?! Imagine driving to Fuglsang to watch porn!? Why not get out of the car, and fuck with someone, who comes along??

ACHMED: To cheer themselves up?

THE KING OF DK: Yes, that's right! After all, I'm coming to yawn. I'm ready to strip! This morning I wanted to have a beautiful one, as I got out of the car! I had just fucked with three guys in a row! I just got rid of one, before the next entered! Yes, I just heard Simon Kvamm, I think it was, say that: People love music! A lot of people listen to music!

ACHMED: But not his!!!

THE KING OF DK: Tove also expressed that this morning!

She can't take him either!!

ACHMED: They were on the Danish Television the band Nephew! I don't know, why a woman has joined the boy band!? They have to add Niece to the name!! But then they all sang a cappella, and he, Simon played the piano! And it just sounded terrible!!

"We are in the new Danish hymn book!!".

THE KING OF DK: Did he sing it in the lyrics??

ACHMED: No! He said that in the interview! He was glad, that one of his songs entered the hymn books!

KING OF DK: Do you know, what it is?? His entire career, it does not stop!! His wife has fucked with one of the most powerful at Danish Radio Broadcasting network!! That's the connection to Simon Kvamm's success!! It is the wife and her pussy, that have kept him up to five million paid a year in KODA charges at Danish Radio!! Then I understand his appearance in "Clemmens" the other day, and him defending Danish Radio! Ridiculous guy!! Shut up, it was ridiculous! Did you see that? No! There were four in the panel! And then they discussed the cuts with Clemmens! And the other three were twenty years older…?? He was styled, and he had so much blush, that he looked like…??

ACHMED: A fagot?

THE KING OF DK: Yes! Wildest! When I prepare myself a little extra gayish…

ACHMED: You just use a little extra mascara??

THE KING OF DK: No, I don't now! That's not, what makes me extra gay! It's my clothes! Tight pants with holes in them! But there are some of the guys, who say no to…. Holes in the pants - So! The most fussy forty-year-olds, if you have holes in your pants, they can't get an erection! But twenty-year-olds, twenty-five-year-olds and fifties - they don't care!!

ACHMED: Twenty-year-old girls buy a pair of expensive pants, and then they immediately start cutting holes in them?!

THE KING OF DK: Do they?? Do they think, it's trendy??

ACHMED: The more holes - the better!! Right where it almost reveals skin under the ass!

THE KING OF DK: That's inviting! I regretted, that I bought my 2000 kroner Diesel with holes because, only later did I find out, that they also exist totally the same….?

ACHMED: Halfway?

THE KING OF DK: No! No Diesel business is closed! There just wasn't a market for it in Denmark! No one wanted to go down and give $300 for the "newest pair"!!

ACHMED: No!

KING OF DK: I did that with these. I paid 300! And just because I had to have them, and because they would cost $350 in Bangkok! In Bangkok, they were small in the Dieselstore. And when she just discovered, that I didn't have $350 in my wallet, she wouldn't spend more time on me!?

ACHMED: No, that's logic!! I was in a Diesel in Mexico, which was selling winter clothes! Perfect in any Danish weather. And It was cheaper!

THE KING OF DK: But, it's expensive! It is also hand-made in Italy - Some of it! Well, now we have come so far! Now we need to relax!!

ACHMED: Yes. It's stressful!

KING OF DK: I haven't seen it there either!? It has to be something about?

ACHMED: Arhh, my stomach muscles!!

KING OF DK: What about them? Well they got….?

ACHMED: They got raped yesterday! Shut up, man! And she wanted to suffocate!? And have it in the ass!!

KING OF DK: Was she clean?

ACHMED: I didn't bump her in the ass!!

THE KING OF DK: Did you say “No” to something?

ACHMED: No! I didn't say “No” to anything! But I didn't put it in her ass!! On the first date!! Or second date!

KING OF DK: Although she would??

ACHMED: