CHAPTER I
OBTAINING
SUPPLIES."I want something to do."This remark being addressed to the world in general, no one
in particular felt it their duty to reply; so I repeated it to the
smaller world about me, received the following suggestions, and
settled the matter by answering my own inquiry, as people are apt
to do when very much in earnest."Write a book," quoth the author of my being."Don't know enough, sir. First live, then write.""Try teaching again," suggested my mother."No thank you, ma'am, ten years of that is
enough.""Take a husband like my Darby, and fulfill your mission,"
said sister Joan, home on a visit."Can't afford expensive luxuries, Mrs. Coobiddy.""Turn actress, and immortalize your name," said sister
Vashti, striking an attitude."I won't.""Go nurse the soldiers," said my young brother, Tom, panting
for "the tented field.""I will!"So far, very good. Here was the will—now for the way. At
first sight not a foot of it appeared, but that didn't matter, for
the Periwinkles are a hopeful race; their crest is an anchor, with
three cock-a-doodles crowing atop. They all wear rose-colored
spectacles, and are lineal descendants of the inventor of aerial
architecture. An hour's conversation on the subject set the whole
family in a blaze of enthusiasm. A model hospital was erected, and
each member had accepted an honorable post therein. The paternal P.
was chaplain, the maternal P. was matron, and all the youthful P.s
filled the pod of futurity with achievements whose brilliancy
eclipsed the glories of the present and the past. Arriving at this
satisfactory conclusion, the meeting adjourned, and the fact that
Miss Tribulation was available as army nurse went abroad on the
wings of the wind.In a few days a townswoman heard of my desire, approved of
it, and brought about an interview with one of the sisterhood which
I wished to join, who was at home on a furlough, and able and
willing to satisfy all inquiries. A morning chat with Miss General
S.—we hear no end of Mrs. Generals, why not a Miss?—produced three
results: I felt that I could do the work, was offered a place, and
accepted it, promising not to desert, but stand ready to march on
Washington at an hour's notice.A few days were necessary for the letter containing my
request and recommendation to reach headquarters, and another,
containing my commission, to return; therefore no time was to be
lost; and heartily thanking my pair of friends, I tore home through
the December slush as if the rebels were after me, and like many
another recruit, burst in upon my family with the
announcement—"I've enlisted!"An impressive silence followed. Tom, the irrepressible, broke
it with a slap on the shoulder and the graceful
compliment—"Old Trib, you're a trump!""Thank you; then I'll take something:" which I did, in the
shape of dinner, reeling off my news at the rate of three dozen
words to a mouthful; and as every one else talked equally fast, and
all together, the scene was most inspiring.As boys going to sea immediately become nautical in speech,
walk as if they already had their "sea legs" on, and shiver their
timbers on all possible occasions, so I turned military at once,
called my dinner my rations, saluted all new comers, and ordered a
dress parade that very afternoon. Having reviewed every rag I
possessed, I detailed some for picket duty while airing over the
fence; some to the sanitary influences of the wash-tub; others to
mount guard in the trunk; while the weak and wounded went to the
Work-basket Hospital, to be made ready for active service again. To
this squad I devoted myself for a week; but all was done, and I had
time to get powerfully impatient before the letter came. It did
arrive however, and brought a disappointment along with its good
will and friendliness, for it told me that the place in the Armory
Hospital that I supposed I was to take, was already filled, and a
much less desirable one at Hurly-burly House was offered
instead."That's just your luck, Trib. I'll tote your trunk up garret
for you again; for of course you won't go," Tom remarked, with the
disdainful pity which small boys affect when they get into their
teens. I was wavering in my secret soul, but that settled the
matter, and I crushed him on the spot with martial
brevity—"It is now one; I shall march at six."I have a confused recollection of spending the afternoon in
pervading the house like an executive whirlwind, with my family
swarming after me, all working, talking, prophesying and lamenting,
while I packed my "go-abroady" possessions, tumbled the rest into
two big boxes, danced on the lids till they shut, and gave them in
charge, with the direction,—"If I never come back, make a bonfire of them."Then I choked down a cup of tea, generously salted instead of
sugared, by some agitated relative, shouldered my knapsack—it was
only a traveling bag, but do let me preserve the unities—hugged my
family three times all round without a vestige of unmanly emotion,
till a certain dear old lady broke down upon my neck, with a
despairing sort of wail—"Oh, my dear, my dear, how can I let you go?""I'll stay if you say so, mother.""But I don't; go, and the Lord will take care of
you."Much of the Roman matron's courage had gone into the Yankee
matron's composition, and, in spite of her tears, she would have
sent ten sons to the war, had she possessed them, as freely as she
sent one daughter, smiling and flapping on the door-step till I
vanished, though the eyes that followed me were very dim, and the
handkerchief she waved was very wet.My transit from The Gables to the village depot was a funny
mixture of good wishes and good byes, mud-puddles and shopping. A
December twilight is not the most cheering time to enter upon a
somewhat perilous enterprise, and, but for the presence of Vashti
and neighbor Thorn, I fear that I might have added a drop of the
briny to the native moisture of—"The town I left behind me;"though I'd no thought of giving out: oh, bless you, no! When
the engine screeched "Here we are," I clutched my escort in a
fervent embrace, and skipped into the car with as blithe a farewell
as if going on a bridal tour—though I believe brides don't usually
wear cavernous black bonnets and fuzzy brown coats, with a
hair-brush, a pair of rubbers, two books, and a bag of ginger-bread
distorting the pockets of the same. If I thought that any one would
believe it, I'd boldly state that I slept from C. to B., which
would simplify matters immensely; but as I know they wouldn't, I'll
confess that the head under the funereal coal-hod fermented with
all manner of high thoughts and heroic purposes "to do or
die,"—perhaps both; and the heart under the fuzzy brown coat felt
very tender with the memory of the dear old lady, probably sobbing
over her army socks and the loss of her topsy-turvy Trib. At this
juncture I took the veil, and what I did behind it is nobody's
business; but I maintain that the soldier who cries when his mother
says "Good bye," is the boy to fight best, and die bravest, when
the time comes, or go back to her better than he went.Till nine o'clock I trotted about the city streets, doing
those last errands which no woman would even go to heaven without
attempting, if she could. Then I went to my usual refuge, and,
fully intending to keep awake, as a sort of vigil appropriate to
the occasion, fell fast asleep and dreamed propitious dreams till
my rosy-faced cousin waked me with a kiss.A bright day smiled upon my enterprise, and at ten I reported
myself to my General, received last instructions and no end of the
sympathetic encouragement which women give, in look, touch, and
tone more effectually than in words. The next step was to get a
free pass to Washington, for I'd no desire to waste my substance on
railroad companies when "the boys" needed even a spinster's mite. A
friend of mine had procured such a pass, and I was bent on doing
likewise, though I had to face the president of the railroad to
accomplish it. I'm a bashful individual, though I can't get any one
to believe it; so it cost me a great effort to poke about the
Worcester depot till the right door appeared, then walk into a room
containing several gentlemen, and blunder out my request in a high
state of stammer and blush. Nothing could have been more courteous
than this dreaded President, but it was evident that I had made as
absurd a demand as if I had asked for the nose off his respectable
face. He referred me to the Governor at the State House, and I
backed out, leaving him no doubt to regret that such mild maniacs
were left at large. Here was a Scylla and Charybdis business: as if
a President wasn't trying enough, without the Governor of
Massachusetts and the hub of the hub piled on top of that. "I never
can do it," thought I. "Tom will hoot at you if you don't,"
whispered the inconvenient little voice that is always goading
people to the performance of disagreeable duties, and always
appeals to the most effective agent to produce the proper result.
The idea of allowing any boy that ever wore a felt basin and a
shoddy jacket with a microscopic tail, to crow over me, was
preposterous, so giving myself a mental slap for such
faint-heartedness, I streamed away across the Common, wondering if
I ought to say "your Honor," or simply "Sir," and decided upon the
latter, fortifying myself with recollections of an evening in a
charming green library, where I beheld the Governor placidly
consuming oysters, and laughing as if Massachusetts was a myth, and
he had no heavier burden on his shoulders than his host's handsome
hands.Like an energetic fly in a very large cobweb, I struggled
through the State House, getting into all the wrong rooms and none
of the right, till I turned desperate, and went into one, resolving
not to come out till I'd made somebody hear and answer me. I
suspect that of all the wrong places I had blundered into, this was
the most so. But I didn't care; and, though the apartment was full
of soldiers, surgeons, starers, and spittoons, I cornered a
perfectly incapable person, and proceeded to pump for information
with the following result:"Was the Governor anywhere about?"No, he wasn't."Could he tell me where to look?"No, he couldn't."Did he know anything about free passes?"No, he didn't."Was there any one there of whom I could inquire?"Not a person."Did he know of any place where information could be
obtained?"Not a place."Could he throw the smallest gleam of light upon the matter,
in any way?"Not a ray.I am naturally irascible, and if I could have shaken this
negative gentleman vigorously, the relief would have been immense.
The prejudices of society forbidding this mode of redress, I merely
glowered at him; and, before my wrath found vent in words, my
General appeared, having seen me from an opposite window, and come
to know what I was about. At her command the languid gentleman woke
up, and troubled himself to remember that Major or Sergeant or
something Mc K. knew all about the tickets, and his office was in
Milk Street. I perked up instanter, and then, as if the exertion
was too much for him, what did this animated wet blanket do but
add—"I think Mc K. may have left Milk Street, now, and I don't
know where he has gone.""Never mind; the new comers will know where he has moved to,
my dear, so don't be discouraged; and if you don't succeed, come to
me, and we will see what to do next," said my General.I blessed her in a fervent manner and a cool hall, fluttered
round the corner, and bore down upon Milk Street, bent on
discovering Mc K. if such a being was to be found. He wasn't, and
the ignorance of the neighborhood was really pitiable. Nobody knew
anything, and after tumbling over bundles of leather, bumping
against big boxes, being nearly annihilated by descending bales,
and sworn at by aggravated truckmen, I finally elicited the advice
to look for Mc K. in Haymarket Square. Who my informant was I've
really forgotten; for, having hailed several busy gentlemen, some
one of them fabricated this delusive quietus for the perturbed
spirit, who instantly departed to the sequestered locality he
named. If I had been in search of the Koh-i-noor diamond I should
have been as likely to find it there as any vestige of Mc K. I
stared at signs, inquired in shops, invaded an eating house,
visited the recruiting tent in the middle of the Square, made
myself a nuisance generally, and accumulated mud enough to retard
another Nile. All in vain: and I mournfully turned my face toward
the General's, feeling that I should be forced to enrich the
railroad company after all; when, suddenly, I beheld that admirable
young man, brother-in-law Darby Coobiddy, Esq. I arrested him with
a burst of news, and wants, and woes, which caused his manly
countenance to lose its usual repose."Oh, my dear boy, I'm going to Washington at five, and I
can't find the free ticket man, and there won't be time to see
Joan, and I'm so tired and cross I don't know what to do; and will
you help me, like a cherub as you are?""Oh, yes, of course. I know a fellow who will set us right,"
responded Darby, mildly excited, and darting into some kind of an
office, held counsel with an invisible angel, who sent him out
radiant. "All serene. I've got him. I'll see you through the
business, and then get Joan from the Dove Cote in time to see you
off."I'm a woman's rights woman, and if any man had offered help
in the morning, I should have condescendingly refused it, sure that
I could do everything as well, if not better, myself. My
strong-mindedness had rather abated since then, and I was now quite
ready to be a "timid trembler," if necessary.Dear me! how easily Darby did it all: he just asked one
question, received an answer, tucked me under his arm, and in ten
minutes I stood in the presence of Mc K., the Desired."Now my troubles are over," thought I, and as usual was
direfully mistaken."You will have to get a pass from Dr. H., in Temple Place,
before I can give you a pass, madam," answered Mc K., as blandly as
if he wasn't carrying desolation to my soul. Oh, indeed! why didn't
he send me to Dorchester Heights, India Wharf, or Bunker Hill
Monument, and done with it? Here I was, after a morning's tramp,
down in some place about Dock Square, and was told to step to
Temple Place. Nor was that all; he might as well have asked me to
catch a hummingbird, toast a salamander, or call on the man in the
moon, as find a Doctor at home at the busiest hour of the day. It
was a blow; but weariness had extinguished enthusiasm, and
resignation clothed me as a garment. I sent Darby for Joan, and
doggedly paddled off, feeling that mud was my native element, and
quite sure that the evening papers would announce the appearance of
the Wandering Jew, in feminine habiliments."Is Dr. H. in?""No, mum, he aint."< [...]