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- Herausgeber: Europa Edizioni
- Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
- Sprache: Deutsch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
Each poem in this book speaks about experiences and thoughts since the author was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and since she metaphorically felt “ Thunder in my head. Rain on my cheeks.”
In a society that too often does not understand mental illness, these poems help to open the eyes on the topic and to connect with the author’s experiences.
“You cried. I comfort. I cried. You watched.”: as a poem in the book says,
too often people are left alone dealing with these issues. But everyone deserves a happy future. The key thing is to seek help. This is the message full of love and hope that the author wants to send out. The hope is to help people with mentally ill friends, family or co-workers to understand it better than they did till now.
Joe M. is a young woman who has struggled with mental illness since her early teens and part of her childhood and still does to this day. She got lost in the diseases and couldn’t distinguish the differences between her personality and the diseases. As a result, she was never able to develop self-confidence and always had to fight for her life. Writing down the feelings and thoughts helps her like a form of therapy, from which this book arose. After realizing how common mental illnesses are, she wanted to use this book to show those people with illness that they are not alone and to give people who don’t know what it feels like to live with an insight to react more empathetically to their fellow human beings and understand them to be able to. She grew up in a little village with her family and wants to move to a big city in a few years to follow her dreams. Today she plans to study at a university in order to gradually get closer to her goal and keeps writing down her thoughts and ideas. She loves all kinds of art and wants to be a part of it.
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Joe M.
How it feels
© 2022 Europa Buch | Berlin www.europabuch.com | [email protected]
ISBN 9791220130479
Erstausgabe: Oktober 2022
Gedruckt für Italien von Rotomail Italia
Stampato presso Rotomail Italia S.p.A. - Vignate (MI)
How it feels
Health is not a state of the body but of the mind
Mary Baker Eddy
Preface
Here you can read “how it feels”. This collection of poems aims to describe what mentally ill people feel and how they think about or deal with it.
Each poem speaks about experiences and thoughts since the author was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and since she metaphorically felt “Thunder in my head. Rain on my cheeks.” In a society that too often does not understand mental illness, these poems help to open the eyes on the topic and to connect with the author's experiences.
“You cried. I comfort. I cried. You watched.”: as a poem in the book says, too often people are left alone dealing with these issues. But everyone deserves a happy future. The key thing is to seek help. This is the message full of love and hope that the author wants to send out. The hope is to help people with mentally ill friends, family or coworkers to understand it better than they did till now.
Furthermore, this book addresses itself directly to those who experience similar issues. Just because you used to live that way doesn't mean you deserve all the pain. You deserve so much better.
Good luck for your healing journey. Keep your head up.
Introduciton
Dear reader,
I am not a psychologist. Or an expert who studied any of those topics. I am not even an old soul speaking from stories while war or something that happens in history. I am just a new adult writer who wants to let people know how it feels to deal with mental health problems. I write out of my own experiences. There is nothing I learned in books, movies or anything else that informs about this kind of struggles. I know there are a lot of books and podcasts or even movies and shows that teach you how to deal with it. And it actually could help people with it to handle it easier. To understand it. But I myself never saw someone talk about it to others without mental health issues. They just don’t know how it feels. But that doesn’t stop them trying to compare your situations with their owns. They are healthy. You are sick. They know that but it doesn’t lead them to understand it. I instantly hope to help people with mentally ill friends, family or co-workers to understand it better than they did till now.
Depression, anxiety and tons of other mental problems are dragged through the dirt because they are not understood. The mentally ill people getting insult because of something they can’t control. They try to explain the feeling, but it is not working. They hear things like “you’re so lazy” “just do something” “brushing your teeth is a basic thing every human does don’t be proud of it” and other hurting comments.
I'm writing this partly because I think it’s helping myself as a copying mechanism, partly to honour the person who has helped me through all of this, and partly to reassure people with mental illness that they are not alone and
perhaps even mentally healthy people would like to find out what goes on in the mind of a mentally ill person.
If you are a mentally ill person, please seek help. Just because you used to live that way doesn't mean you deserve all the pain. You deserve so much better. You deserve a happy life so please get help and work for yourself, to create a glorious future full of happiness and joy for you.
Good luck for your healing journey. You are NOT alone. Keep going. I believe in you. I love you, bye.
In love, Joe
Trigger Warnings Contents
This book is full of trigger causing poems. If you can't read it, that's fine. It's no shame. It aims to describe what mentally ill people feel and how they think about or deal with it. I speak from experience. This book is full of my own thoughts and experiences ever since I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder.
Mental breakdown
Have you ever cried so hard your nose started bleeding? Cry for no reason? Well, at least I didn't know why. Eventually everything collapsed in my head. At first, I thought it was tears but there were too many so I checked and there was blood all over my arms. Red stains on my pillow, my sheets even on my carpet. My arms were covered with blood and I felt numb.
I love listening to music.
Listening to music is a kind of escaping reality.
Sexual assault
I said no.
You said yes.
I said no.
You stepped closer.
I stepped away.
You followed me.
You followed me until you got what you were craving for.
Without consent.
Of course without consent.
It wouldn’t be you if you would ask before.
Then you leave as always.
After you got what you wanted.
Anxiety attack
Heart starts raising.
Temperature starts growing.
Arm pits starts sweating.
Fingers starts itching.
I start scratching.
Scratching till it hurts.
Scratching till it burns.
Scratching till it bleeds.
Breathing isn’t important anymore.
Even though I try to control my breath.
I can’t.
Panic attack
Lying down.
Closing my eyes.
Trying to sleep.
No noises in the room.
Just me.
Breath stuck in my throat.
Lungs won’t work.
Like I want them to.
Like I need them to.
Trying to distract.
I can’t.
I just wait.
Wait until it’s over.
Until I faint out & fall asleep.
Probably anxiety, maybe depression as well
Waiting for a call.
Waiting for a text.
All day long.
Waiting.
Then I got one
& I don’t reply.
Fake friends getting exposed
Finally people see.
Finally people believe.
Finally people understand.
That you were the liar.
All along.
It was you.
ADHD
Eating too much.
Eating too less.
Sleeping too much.
Sleeping too less.
Talking too much.
Talking too less.
Thinking too much.
Thinking too less.
Can’t find the middle.
Won’t find the middle.
Emotional abusive family
It wasn’t love.
It was just heavy manipulation.
The second the realization kicked in was the second you are dying a little more.
Worst depressive & suicidal phase I ever been through
Died at 16.
Lived broken since then.
Waiting for the redemption.
Because I won’t do it myself.
Survival mode
Days go fast.
Days go slow. Still not knowing where my place is to stand.
Sister
You cried.
I comfort.
I cried.
You watched.
Depression
The falling is exhausted.
The landing is deadly.
Depression
Can’t get up.
