Idiot's Delight E-Book

Robert E. Sherwood

• Herausgeber: Reading Essentials
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

Centering around a group of lively guests trapped in a Swiss hotel at the outbreak of the First World War, including a honeymooning couple, this Pulitzer Prize winning indictment of war and fanatical nationalism before World War II premiered on Broadway and ran for 300 performances.

Leseprobe

Idiot's Delight 

by Robert E. Sherwood

First published in 1936

This edition published by Reading Essentials

Victoria, BC Canada with branch offices in the Czech Republic and Germany

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except in the case of excerpts by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Idiot's Delight

 by 

 Robert E. Sherwood

THIS PLAYIS LOVINGLY DEDICATED TO

Lynn Fontanne

AND

Alfred Lunt

IDIOT'S DELIGHT

The scene of the play is the cocktail lounge in the Hotel Monte Gabriele, in the Italian Alps, near the frontiers of Switzerland and Austria.

ACT I

Afternoon of a winter day in any imminent year.

ACT II

Scene    I. Eight o'clock that evening.

Scene   II. Eleven o'clock that evening.

Scene  III. After midnight.

ACT III

The following afternoon.

ACT I

The cocktail lounge of the Hotel Monte Gabriele.

The hotel is a small one, which would like to consider itself a first-class resort. It was originally an Austrian sanatorium. Its Italian management has refurnished it and added this cocktail lounge and a few modern bedrooms with baths, in the hope that some day Monte Gabriele may become a rival for St. Moritz. So far, this is still a hope. Although the weather is fine, the supply of winter sports enthusiasts at Monte Gabriele is negligible, and the hotel is relying for its trade upon those itinerants who, because of the current political situation, are desirous of leaving Italy.

Near at hand are a railway line into Switzerland, highways into Switzerland and Austria, and an Italian army airport.

At the left, up-stage, is a large doorway, leading to the lobby, in which we can just see the Reception Desk.

At the upper right is a staircase. A few steps up is a landing, above which is a high window with a fine view of the Alpine scenery to the North and [Pg 4]West. The panes are fringed with frost. From the landing, the stairs continue up to a gallery which leads to bedrooms off to the upper left.

Downstairs left is a swinging door marked with the word "BAR."

Over this bar entrance are crossed skis and the head of a mountain goat. On the wall at the right is a Fascist emblem with crossed Italian flags. About the Reception Desk, off to the left, are signs assuring the guest that this hotel has been approved by all the automobile associations of Europe and that Travellers' Cheques may be cashed here. Somewhere on the walls are pictures of the Coliseum and the S.S. "Conte di Savoia."

There are small tables and chairs about, with perhaps a couch or two. At the left is a piano, and when the first curtain rises a dismal little four-piece orchestra is playing "June in January."

Note a line in the dialogue along toward the end of Act One: there is something about this place that suggests "a vague kind of horror." This is nothing definite, or identifiable, or even, immediately, apparent. Just an intimation.

Behind the Reception Desk, Pittalugais occasionally visible. He is the proprietor of the hotel—a fussy, worried little Italian in the conventional morning coat and striped pants.

On the landing at the upper right, looking dole[Pg 5]fully out the window, isDonald Navadel, a rather precious, youngish American, suitably costumed for winter sports by Saks Fifth Avenue. Experienced in the resort business, he was imported this year to organize sporting and social life at Monte Gabriele with a view to making it a Mecca for American tourists. He is not pleased with the way things have turned out.

Dumptsycomes in from the left. He is an humble, gentle little bell-boy, aged about forty, born in this district when it was part of Austria, but now a subject of the Fascist Empire. He has come in to clean the ash-trays. He listens to the music.

Dumptsy

Come si chiama questa musica che suonate?

Orchestra Leader

Il pezzo si chiama: "Giugno in Gennaio."

Dumptsy

Oh, comé bello! Mi piace! (ToDon.) It's good.

Don

Will you please for God's sake stop playing that same damned tiresome thing?

Dumptsy

You don't like it, Mr. Navadel?

Don

I'm so sick of it, I could scream!

[Pg 6]Dumptsy

I like it. To me, it's good.

Don

Go on, and clean the ash-trays.

Dumptsy

But they're not dirty, sir. Because there's nobody using them.

Don

There's no need to remind me of that! Do as you're told!

Dumptsy

If you please, sir. (He whistles the tune and goes out.)

Don (to theLeader)

You've played enough. Get out!

Leader

But it is not yet three o'clock.

Don

Never mind what time it is. There's nobody here to listen to you, is there? You can just save the wear and tear on your harpsichord and go grab yourselves a smoke.

Leader

Very good, Mr. Navadel. (To the other musicians) E inutile continuare a suonare. La gente non ascolta più. Si potrà invece far quattro chiacchiere e fumare una sigaretta.

[Pg 7](They put away instruments and music and start to go out, asPittalugaappears bristling.)

Pittaluga (toLeader)

Eh, professori? Perchè avete cessato di suonare? Non sono ancora le tre.

Leader

Il Signor Navadel ci ha detta di andare a fumare egli ne ha avuto abbastanza della nostra musica.

(TheMusicianshave gone.)

Pittaluga (going toDon)

You told my orchestra it would stop?

Don (untroubled)

I did.

Pittaluga

My orders to them are they play in here until three o'clock. Why do you take it to yourself to countermand my orders?

Don

Because their performance was just a little too macabre to be bearable.

Pittaluga

So! You have made yourself the manager of this hotel, have you? You give orders to the musicians. Next you will be giving orders to me—and to the guests themselves, I have no doubt. . . .

[Pg 8]Don

The guests! (He laughs drily.) That's really very funny. Consult your room chart, my dear Signor Pittaluga, and let me know how many guests there are that I can give orders to. The number when last I counted . . .

Pittaluga

And you stop being insolent, you—animale fetente. I pay you my money, when I am plunging myself into bankruptcy. . . .

Don

Yes, yes, Signor—we know all about that. You pay me your money. And you have a right to know that I'm fed to the teeth with this little pension that you euphemistically call a high-grade resort hotel. Indeed, I'm fed to the teeth with you personally.

Pittaluga (in a much friendlier tone)

Ah! So you wish to leave us! I'm very sorry, my dear Donald. We shall miss you.

Don

My contract expires on March the first. I shall bear it until then.

Pittaluga

You insult me by saying you are fed with me, but you go on taking my money?

[Pg 9]Don

Yes!

Pittaluga

Pezzo mascalzone farabutto prepotente canaglia . . .

Don

And it will do you no good to call me names in your native tongue. I've had a conspicuously successful career in this business, all the way from Santa Barbara to St. Moritz. And you lured me away from a superb job . . .

Pittaluga (asDoncontinues)

Lazzarone, briccone, bestione. Perdio.

Don

. . . with your glowing descriptions of this handsome place, and the crowds of sportlovers, gay, mad, desperately chic, who were flocking here from London, Paris, New York. . . .

Pittaluga

Did I know what was going to happen? Am I the king of Europe?

Don

You are the proprietor of this obscure tavern. You're presumably responsible for the fact that it's a deadly, boring dump!

Pittaluga

Yes! And I engaged you because I thought you [Pg 10]had friends—rich friends—and they would come here after you instead of St. Moritz, and Muerren, and Chamonix. And where are your friends? What am I paying you for? To countermand my orders and tell me you are fed . . . (Wails from warning sirens are heard from off-stage right.Pittalugastops short. Both listen.) Che cosa succede?

Don

That's from down on the flying field.

Pittaluga

It is the warning for the air raids!

(Auguste, the barman, is heard in bar off-stage, left.)

Auguste's Voice

Che cosa?

(PittalugaandDonrush to the window.)

Pittaluga

Segnali d'incursione. La guerra e incominiciata e il nemico viene.

(Airplane motors are heard off right.)

Don (looking through window)

Look! The planes are taking off. They're the little ones—the combat planes.

(Captain Lociceroenters from the lobby. He is the officer in charge of the frontier station. He is tired, quiet, nice.Augusteenters from the bar. Dumptsyfollows theCaptain.)

[Pg 11]Auguste

Signor Capitano!

Captain

Buona sera!

(Augustehelps him take off his coat.)

Dumptsy

Che cosa succede, Signor Capitano? È la guerra?

Captain

No—no—datemi cognac.

(Dumptsyputs coat on chair right of table and goes up and exits through arch center. Captainsits chair left of table.)

Auguste (as he goes out)

Si, signor Capitano.

(TheCaptainsits down at a table. PittalugaandDoncross to him. Dumptsygoes.)

Pittaluga

Che cosa significano quei terribili segnali? È, forse, il nemico che arriva?

Don

What's happened, Captain? Is there an air raid? Has the war started?

Captain (smiling)

Who knows? But there is no raid. (The porter's hand-bell in the lobby is heard.) They're only testing the sirens, to see how fast the combat planes [Pg 12]can go into action. You understand—it's like lifeboat drill on a ship.

(Dumptsyenters.)

Dumptsy

Scusi, padrone. Due Inglesi arrivati. (He hurries out.)

Pittaluga

Scusi. Vengo subito. Presto, presto! (He goes.)

Captain

Have a drink, Mr. Navadel?

Don

Thank you very much—but some guests are actually arriving. I must go and be very affable. (He goes.Dr. Walderseeappears on the gallery above and comes down the stairs asAugusteenters from the bar and serves theCaptainwith brandy and soda. TheDoctoris an elderly, stout, crotchetty, sad German.)

Captain

Good afternoon, Doctor. Have a drink?

Doctor

Thank you very much—no. What is all that aeroplanes?

(Augustegoes.)

Captain

This is a crucial spot, Dr. Waldersee. We must be prepared for visits from the enemy.

[Pg 13]Doctor

Enemy, eh? And who is that?

Captain

I don't quite know, yet. The map of Europe supplies us with a wide choice of opponents. I suppose, in due time, our government will announce its selection—and we shall know just whom we are to shoot at.

Doctor

Nonsense! Obscene nonsense!

Captain

Yes—yes. But the taste for obscenity is incurable, isn't it?

Doctor

When will you let me go into Switzerland?

Captain

Again I am powerless to answer you. My orders are that no one for the time being shall cross the frontiers, either into Switzerland or Austria.

Doctor

And when will this "time being" end?

Captain

When Rome makes its decision between friend and foe.

Doctor

I am a German subject. I am not your foe.

[Pg 14]Captain

I am sure of that, Dr. Waldersee. The two great Fascist states stand together, against the world.

Doctor (passionately)

Fascism has nothing to do with it! I am a scientist. I am a servant of the whole damn stupid human race. (He crosses toward theCaptain.) If you delay me any longer here, my experiments will be ruined. Can't you appreciate that? I must get my rats at once to the laboratory in Zurich, or all my months and years of research will have gone for nothing.

(Donenters, followed byMr.andMrs. Cherry—a pleasant young English couple in the first flush of their honeymoon.)

Don

This is our cocktail lounge. There is the American bar. We have a thé dansant here every afternoon at 4:30—supper dancing in the evening.

Cherry

Charming.

Don

All this part of the hotel is new. Your rooms are up there. (He crosses to the window.) I think you'll concede that the view from here is unparalleled. We can look into four countries. (TheCherrysfollow him to the window.) Here in the foreground, of course, is Italy. This was formerly [Pg 15]Austrian territory, transferred by the treaty of Versailles. It's called Monte Gabriele in honor of D'Annunzio, Italian poet and patriot. Off there is Switzerland and there is Austria. And far off, you can just see the tip of a mountain peak that is in the Bavarian Tyrol. Rather gorgeous, isn't it?

Cherry

Yes.

Mrs. Cherry

Darling—look at that sky!

Cherry

I say, it is rather good.

Don

Do you go in for winter sports, Mrs. Cherry?

Mrs. Cherry

Oh, yes—I—we're very keen on them.

Don

Splendid! We have everything here.

Cherry

I've usually gone to Kitzbuhel.

(PittalugaandDumptsyappear up-stage and speak in Italian through the dialogue.)

Pittaluga

Dumptsy, il bagaglio è stato portato su?

[Pg 16]Dumptsy

Si, signore, è già sopra.

Pittaluga

Sta bene, vattene.

Don

It's lovely there, too.

Cherry

But I hear it has become much too crowded there now. I—my wife and I hoped it would be quieter here.

Don

Well—at the moment—it is rather quiet here.

Pittaluga (coming down)

Your luggage has been sent up, Signor. Would you care to see your room now?

Cherry

Yes. Thank you.

Pittaluga

If you will have the goodness to step this way. (He goes up the stairs.) 'Scuse me.

Cherry (pauses at the window on the way up)

What's that big bare patch down there?

Don (casually)

Oh, that's the airport. (Pittalugacoughs discretly.) We have a great deal of flying here.

[Pg 17]Pittaluga

Right this way, please.

Cherry