Joke book for everyone E-Book

Heiko Boos

• Herausgeber: via tolino media
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

This joke book is suitable for everyone who likes to smile, laugh, giggle, or giggle with laughter. In particular for children from the age of 6, young people, teenagers, adults, mums, dads, grandpas, grandmas, early retirees, pensioners, seniors, cyclists, bus drivers, train drivers, station wagon drivers, sports car drivers, convertible drivers, poolside swimmers, sauna underseat, early evening check-in, double-named wives, so handy for everyone (I hope I haven't forgotten anyone!)!

Leseprobe

Inhaltsverzeichnis

Foreword

Jokes

Funny sayings

Joke questions

Impressum

Heiko Boos

Joke book for everyone

Age: doesn't matter!

Jokes, funny sayings and joke questions!

Heiko Boos

First edition 2022

© 2022 Heiko Boos

All rights

reserved

Foreword

Nope, no foreword!

It will start soon!

Have fun!

On my own account

This is the first version of the book. If it hopefully helps you to make your life a little more fun, I'm very happy.

If you see potential for improvement, please send me an email with your constructive criticism to:

[email protected]

Feedback is therefore guaranteed!

Otherwise, I'm happy about a good rating!

Or you send me your favorite joke, then I can include it in later editions!

Greetings from Bornheim, Germany,

Heiko Boos

Jokes

Adrian is sitting by the lake and fishing. If a pedestrian comes by, stop and watch him fishing. After a while he suddenly says: "There's nothing as boring as fishing." Then Adrian: "Yes, watch the fishing!"

Two old friends meet. One says: "I'll buy binoculars." The other says: "And then?" Says the first: "Then I'll see further."

The mother is angry. "Two expressions I don't want to hear anymore, my son. One is 'puke' and the other 'stupid'!" - "It's done, mommy. And what are the two words?"

Kathrin, the three-year-old daughter of a university professor, is supposed to take a kind of entrance exam before she is admitted to kindergarden. The teacher asks her: "Kathrin, tell me a few words or sentences that come to your mind!"

Then the little one turns to her mother: "What do you mean, mom? Would the lady now like to hear a few logically constructed sentences or just a few irrelevant marginal notes put together quite simply...?"

The great-grandfather reveals: "The secret of my vitality is that I eat a lot of garlic!" A grandson turns away with a shudder: "But that's not a secret!"

A little girl asked her mother where the human race came from. The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and so all mankind was made." The girl asked her father the same question who answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "How is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said we came from monkeys?" The mother smiled, "I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Mr. Miller comes into the office out of breath. "Sorry boss, I overslept."

Boss: "What, are you still sleeping at home...?"

Adam is sitting on the jetty when a pedestrian comes by. The pedestrian asks: "Are you fishing?"

Adam replies:

"No, I'm just bathing my earthworm!"

Martin is at school. The teacher asks him: "Why is a polar bear white?" Martin replies: "If it were red, it would have to be called a raspbear."

At the campsite: "Hello, Mr. Neighbor. Is that your son throwing my bathing suit on the grill?”

"No, mine is the one shoveling your picnic basket full of sand!"

Moritz meets his friend Adrian on the street. He says: "Hello Adrian, nice to see you again! How does your new bike work?” Adrian replies: “A bike doesn't work. A bike rides.” Moritz says: “And how does your new bike ride?” Adrian replies: “It works.”

"Oh Gina, every time I look at you like that, I want to tell you: come to me."

"Oh, you are a flatterer!"

"No, dentist!"

The postman rows out to the lighthouse to deliver a postcard to the lighthouse keeper. At the handover, he complains that he had to row to the lighthouse for a single postcard. Says the lighthouse keeper:

"Jan, if you moan, I'll subscribe to the daily newspaper!"

The club president says to the center forward: "Since you are now playing in the national team, we want to increase your salary by a third!"

"That's not enough for me, I want at least a quarter!"

"Mr. Miller, are you satisfied with your new small car?"

"Actually already. The only thing that bothers me a little is that the dachshunds can look in through the side window.”

Mr. Petersen makes his first cruise. After just a few hours he feels terribly nauseous and leans over the railing. If a steward comes by and asks him politely: “Shall I serve you dinner in your cabin?” Petersen replies: “No, save yourself the trouble. You can throw it right overboard!”

Chris comes home from school and says to his father: “Here is my report card. By the way: I don’t enjoy watching TV anymore anyway!”

Says the husband: "Darling, I just took out life insurance for 100,000 €." Says the wife: "Very sensible. Now you don't have to run to the doctor for every little thing."

After welcoming her, the fortune teller says to her customer: “Answering two questions costs 10 euros.” With a sour face, the customer pays and asks: “Don’t you think that 10 euros for two questions is a bit much?”

"But! - And now your second question?”

A fly swoops just past a spider web. "Wait, I'll catch you tomorrow!" calls the spider. “Eh, not at all!” laughs the fly. "Because I'm a mayfly!"

Two Eskimos come home from hunting. One asks: “Hey, where is your igloo anyway?” Then the other: “Oh damn, I think I left the iron on!”

Bernd and Ingrid are both 50 years old and have been married for 25 years. One fine day, the two go for a walk in the forest and meet a good fairy there. The fairy godmother says to them: “You have been married for so long; I grant each of you a heart's desire.” The woman is overjoyed. She immediately wishes for a trip to the Bahamas for both of them. The fairy godmother: "No problem." And boom: the woman is holding two plane tickets and a hotel voucher for the Bahamas in her hand.

The man says: "Wow, this is a unique opportunity, I won't let it pass me by. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I wish for a woman who is 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother: "Isn't that a bit mean? Are you quite sure about that?” The man: “Yes, absolutely sure!” Suddenly there is a bang and the man is 30 years older.

He: "Darling, do you think the tumble dryer will shrink my clothes?"

She: "No, the fridge does that!"

When the customer asks in the shop: "May I try on the dress in the shop window, please?" The salesperson replies: "No, please only try it on in the changing room!"

Two cows stand next to each other in the pasture. One cow shakes wildly. The other cow asks in amazement: "What are you doing there?" The other cow answers: "It's my birthday today and I'm already making the cream for the birthday cake!"

Two candles meet. One asks: "What are you doing tonight?" - Says the other: "I'm going out!"

2 eggs meet. One egg asks: "Why are you so hairy?" The other asks: "That's normal for me, because I'm a kiwi!"

Two mice sit at the window at night and look out. A bat flies by. Says one mouse: "Look, an angel!"

The teacher asks the student Paul, who has been ill for a long time: "Paul, how long have you been absent?" Paul answers: "Since the Thirty Years' War."

An elderly lady comes to the doctor and says: “Doctor, I have flatulence. And while they don't bother me that much, I'd like to get rid of them. They never smell and they always come off quietly. Really, I've farted at least twenty times since I've been in this room and the only reason you haven't noticed is because it's happening with no smell or sound.”

The doctor replies: “Take these pills and please come back in a week.” After a week the lady comes back to the practice and says: “Doctor, what the hell did you prescribe for me? My flatulence, although it's still quiet, it stinks horribly now!" "Very good. Now that your nose is working again, let's take care of your hearing..."

"How was your weekend?"

"Light, dark, light, dark, Monday!"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island together when they find a magic lantern that grants them each a wish. The Englishman wishes he was back in London and suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke. The Scotsman wishes he was in Glasgow and also vanishes. The Irishman looks at the lantern sadly and says, "I feel lonely, I wish my friends were back again!"

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Mattes stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Mattes."

Sabine says to her grandmother: "Grandma, I'm so happy about the drum you gave me for Christmas. That's the best present I've ever received." Grandma: "Oh, yes, why is that?" Sabine: "Because dad gives me 2 euros every day when I stop playing!"

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says: „Do you know how to drive this?“

Two hikers are walking in the forest in Canada. Suddenly they spot a bear. One hiker sits down, takes off his hiking boots and slips on his sneakers. The other hiker asks: "What are you doing? So you can't run faster than the bear." Says the other: "I don't have to be faster than the bear. Just faster than you!”

One grandfather says to the other: “Our grandson will be baptized on Sunday!” The other grandfather replies: “Sunday? That's a very unusual name..."

The company hosts a big dinner in honor of a delegation from Africa. The boss wants to have a little small talk with the African sitting next to him when the drinks are just being served. He says: "Gluckgluck gut?" The African nods. Later, while eating, he asks the African: "Happihappi gut?" Again the guest from Africa thanks him with a nod. Later that evening, the African gave an acceptance speech in flawless German. Then he bends down to the boss and asks: "Blahblah good?"

The lion has a stomach ache and wails, "I should have eaten the cyclist without the bike!"

Two friends meet again after years. One asks: "Did your wife actually keep her great figure?"

"Not only did she keep them, she doubled them!"

A blonde orders a pizza. The waiter asks her whether he should divide the pizza into six or twelve pieces. "Six pieces please. I would never manage twelve pieces!"

A frog comes into the supermarket. The saleswoman asks: "Hello, what would you like to buy?" Says the frog: "Quark".

"Doctor, I'm depressed because everyone overlooks me!"

"The next one please!"

The mother asks Mattis: "Why did you put your teddy bear in the fridge?" Mattis replies: "Because I would love to have a polar bear!"

Mrs. Müller reads the newspaper. After a while she asks her husband: "Tell me, is it actually true that rodents are particularly stupid and gluttonous?" Her husband says: "Yes, my little mouse."

Her: “Your childish behavior is terrible. I leave you."

He: "You can't go."

Her: "Why?"

He: "The floor is lava."

"The stupid new waffle maker doesn't work at all."

"Get away from my laptop immediately, grandma!"

A mouse and a cat are in a cafe.

---ENDE DER LESEPROBE---