Led by Donkeys E-Book

LedByDonkeys

• Herausgeber: Atlantic Books
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

The official account - complete with full-colour illustrations - of how four ordinary people managed to expose the government's hypocrisies through a nationwide guerrilla advertising campaign. Seeking to highlight the hypocrisy of our politicians on Brexit four friends armed with nothing more than ladders, roller brushes and a treasure trove of damning statements from our leaders slapped up the politicians' biggest lies on billboards around the country. This guerrilla operation wasn't easy, but it wasn't long before the British public enabled them to take things into their own hands - and the rest is history. Leave the EU or remain? An apparently simple question divided the nation in historic fashion. Many of us believed the words of these politicians. By putting up their quotes as billboards, self-styled 'Led By Donkeys' had clear intentions - to compare the promises that have been made across the years with the damning reality.

Leseprobe

Led By Donkeys

Published in hardback in Great Britain in 2019 by Atlantic Books, an imprint of Atlantic Books Ltd.

Copyright © Led By Donkeys, 2019

The moral right of Led By Donkeys to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

All photographs reprinted herein by kind permission of Led By Donkeys, unless otherwise stated.

Illustrations on pages 116-119 by Carl Glover.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Hardback ISBN: 978 1 83895 019 4

E-book ISBN: 978 1 83895 020 0

Printed in Great Britain

Atlantic Books

An imprint of Atlantic Books Ltd

Ormond House

26–27 Boswell Street

London

WC1N 3JZ

www.atlantic-books.co.uk

For Lorna, Tabs, Emily and Kajsa

Our thanks to Leyla, without whom much of this would never have happened.

December 2018–January 2019

@By Donkeys

Like most good ideas, it was born down the pub.

We’re four friends who manage to meet up only rarely, but one evening in December 2018 we’re seated at a window table in The Birdcage in Stoke Newington, passing a phone around and shaking our heads with incredulity. On the screen is a tweet by David Cameron, posted three years earlier in the days before the 2015 general election:

Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice – stability and strong Government with me, or chaos with Ed Miliband.

Theresa May has just cancelled the first meaningful vote on her Brexit deal and the state of the nation would not best be described as stable. Indeed, chaos has swept Westminster, and Cameron’s plea has now been retweeted 18,000 times. It’s the perfect encapsulation of Brexit – the imbecility and chronic underperformance of our political class; the arrogance; the lofty superiority juxtaposed against the shitstorm Cameron unleashed upon the country before retiring to a shepherd’s hut.

‘But he hasn’t deleted it,’ says Olly. ‘You have to respect him for that.’

‘Do you?’ says Ben. ‘Do you really?’

‘Yeah. He’s got rinsed for it every day for three years and he’s not taken it down.’

‘Suppose so.’

‘It’s a perfect tweet,’ says Will. ‘I hope it lives for ever.’

‘It’s truly a thing of beauty,’ says James, staring down at the screen. ‘Someone should print it out and put it in a museum.’

‘Save it for future generations,’ says Ben.

‘So historians will know how arrogant and stupid our leaders were,’ says Olly.

‘A tweet you can’t delete,’ says Will.

And over the course of the next four or five minutes, almost fully formed, an idea emerges, one that within weeks will become the biggest entirely crowdfunded political campaign in British history. One of us suggests that we print out stickers of the tweet and slap them on windows and walls. Someone else says we could turn it into a flag and fly it from the flagpole of Cameron’s local Conservative Association. We could put it on a banner and hire a plane to fly it through the sky above London. Or we could print it out and paste it up on that billboard over there, the one across the road on the A10. After all, a tweet is the shape of a billboard – it would fit perfectly. And why stop at Cameron? We could dig out the most offensive lies, lunacy and hypocrisy of our Brexit overlords and paste those up as well.

Tweets you can’t delete.

Excitedly the four of us discuss locations and argue over who we might target. Olly is possessed of a visceral dislike for Michael Gove, while James has his sights on Liam Fox. Ben is uncompromising in his disdain for Dominic Raab, while Will wonders if it isn’t possible to do them all, but if he has to choose – if he absolutely has to choose one of them – well, it would of course be Jacob Rees-Mogg.

And then, as is often the way with these things, the conversation veers onto something else, and something else after that, and by the time we pull on our coats and step out into the night the idea has all but evaporated. I mean, it’s not actually going to happen, is it? We’re four middle-aged fathers of young children, it’s two weeks before Christmas and those presents aren’t going to buy and wrap themselves. There are barely enough hours in the day to get the kids fed and into bed, without taking on the delivery of an anti-Brexit guerrilla poster campaign.

We say our goodbyes without even mentioning it.

But the following day James pops up in our WhatsApp group.

James: Hey guys, that poster idea. I’ve found a few places that actually print billboards and deliver them to you. Maybe we should do it. Thoughts?

Maybe we should. Nobody else is doing much to challenge the charlatans and knaves who dissembled and misled their way to a narrow referendum victory. Barely an hour passes without one of them appearing on the radio or television, propagandizing for the glories of a hard Brexit, as if their past record of contradictory predictions and pronouncements was non-existent. So yeah, we think, let’s put up a few of those historic quotes on posters, but only after we’ve got the kids to sleep. It would be cathartic. And hell, it would be a better use of our time than sitting on the sofa shouting febrile abuse at the news.

We don’t plan to pay for the billboard sites; instead we’ll temporarily borrow advertising real estate from companies that can afford to lend it to us. We just won’t ask them first. Obviously one description of this arrangement would be ‘criminal damage’, so very deliberately we choose a large printing outfit located far from London, in the hope that the company won’t even register what we’ve ordered, and if they do, they’ll never see how we’ve deployed their product and report us to the police.

But who should feature in our campaign? Cameron, of course, but who else, and which of their tweets? In fact, do they even need to be tweets? Can’t we simply dig out the wild predictions of the leading Brexiters, render them as tweets and paste them up? It would be visually arresting, far more so than simply putting up a quote in speech marks. A tweet is declarative, uncompromising, eye-catching. And it’s the shape of a billboard.

We pepper the WhatsApp group with the most absurd claims made by the leading lights of Brexit – the ones we can remember, at least – and arrive at four examples of quite stunning sophistry:

The day after we vote to leave we hold all the cards and can choose the path we want – Michael Gove

The Free Trade Agreement that we will do with the European Union should be one of the easiest in human history – Liam Fox

There will be no downside to Brexit, only a considerable upside – David Davis

Getting out of the EU can be quick and easy – the UK holds most of the cards in any negotiation – John Redwood

Will is a professional photographer with an eye for visual design. He opens Photoshop and creates the first posters, then pings the group.

Will: Hey guys, quick question. Don’t we need a name on these? What are we called?

What are we called? Do we even need a name? Well, at the very least we should tweet out pictures of our posters, so we’ll need a Twitter handle. So, by extension, we need a name.

James: Idea… a play on Lions Led By Donkeys. We can use it for general criticism of the arseholes in power

‘Lions led by donkeys’. It was the phrase coined by German commanders in the First World War to describe the British infantry and their incompetent generals. Could it not accurately describe the British people and their Brexit leaders?

Olly: My only concern with Lions Led By Donkeys is that it shows your hand immediately. Do we see value in a strong but ambiguous name that takes people to a website packed with all their quotes?

Ben: Any ideas of alternatives? I tend to think LLBD kinda does what it says on the tin and there’s a lot of value to that. We should decide by tomorrow lunchtime so I can get the posters ordered to arrive next week.

Olly: Okay I’m in for LLBD. It works. The people leading us into this moment are so incompetent and it’s the raging incompetence that has to be at the centre of this

Ben: @Will, any chance of pdfs today? Or is kiddie craziness descending?

Will: Is this okay? But with #LedByDonkeys (without Lions)?

James: Yeah just #LedByDonkeys I reckon. Great work Will!

Olly: Yup, great

Ben:

It’s surprisingly cheap to buy a billboard. Not the actual advertising space (we’re stealing that), but the paper sheets that are pasted up. We assume that ordering five 6 x 3m posters will set us back the best part of £1,000, but in reality each poster is forty quid and delivery is free. Ben orders the posters, and two days later a huge cardboard envelope the size of the man delivering it is deposited on his doorstep.

Ben waits until after he’s put his one-year-old daughter to bed before cutting open the cardboard. On the front of the envelope is a false name. No sense making it any easier for an officious Brexiter at the printer’s to report us, he thinks. But then these guys probably ship out dozens, hundreds, thousands of these posters every day. They likely won’t give our project a second look. Right?

Wrong. There are five envelopes within the cardboard. Ben slides out the top one and opens it. It’s Cameron. Inside are twelve sheets, each one measuring 1 x 1.5m. And stuck to the underside of the envelope is an A4 rendition of the design, with faint lines on it that show how all the pieces fit together. Ben glances at the miniature version of what we will soon be plastering on a giant billboard.

‘Oh, wow!’ he mutters.

Protruding from David Cameron’s head are two devil horns.

For a moment Ben wonders if this is Will’s idea of a joke, but on closer inspection he sees that the horns have been drawn on with a biro. Is our printer an avid Brexiter who despises Cameron for his role in the Remain campaign or a pro-EU activist whose fury has been aroused by the former PM’s botched handling of the referendum?

The giant envelope sits in the corner of Ben’s living room next to a nappy-changing mat, and over the following days it becomes obscured by a growing pile of Christmas presents. But it can’t be ignored. It stinks (the envelope, not the nappy mat). The sheets are made of a blue-backed paper that emits a powerful chemical whiff and Ben worries it might be poisoning his daughter, so he locks the envelope in his car. At the same time Parliament goes into recess and the Brexit war goes into abeyance. Out of sight, out of mind. Led By Donkeys has stalled on the starting line.

But then Christmas and New Year pass and the news roars back. Mayhem envelops Westminster like a hurricane making landfall. The faces of Rees-Mogg, Redwood and Johnson return to our screens, all complaining that May’s deal with the EU represents servitude and vassalage, despite all of them having claimed in 2016 that the EU would crumble before the awesome might of Britain’s negotiating position.

It’s too much to bear. We jump onto a Skype call. We have to do this, we agree. We have to get those damn posters up. We debate which one to launch with and whether Cameron (a Remainer) should even be in the mix. As it is, we agree to start with the former prime minister, but to use him as a practice run. It was, after all, his white-hot political ineptitude that got us into this mess.

‘We’ll just do the Cameron one and see how it goes,’ says Olly.

‘Put it up, see if people get it,’ says Will.

‘Proof of concept,’ says James.

‘Okay, good,’ says Ben. ‘Let’s do it.’ Silence. ‘Just one thing. How do you actually put up a billboard?’

There is a critical dearth of online information for the amateur poster-paster to access. No tutorials, no easy-to-follow guides. It’s not like tips on baking a lemon-drizzle cake or fixing a puncture. You’re on your own.

How hard can it be? we wonder. Possibly very hard indeed, we conclude. Eventually we find a YouTube video shot by a painter and decorator who’s made a time-lapse of himself pasting up an advert for his own business, on a 6 x 3m site. We scrutinize his video, the way a detective might study CCTV footage of a crime scene. Every detail is pored over for clues. For a day the WhatsApp group becomes a specialist discussion forum. How thick is his paste? What kind of roller is he using? How large is the overlap between the sheets? In what order does he paste them? So exhaustive is our study of the discipline, so obsessed have we become with the science of putting up a billboard, that we rename the WhatsApp group #PosterChat – a name that sticks for the rest of the project.

From B&Q Ben orders a £90 ladder, two buckets, two paint rollers and a generous supply of wallpaper paste. Because his partner is six months pregnant, with their baby due, of all days, on 29 March (Brexit Day), he has the kit delivered to his work. For several days it sits behind his desk, eliciting puzzled looks and occasional comments from colleagues about home improvement.

That weekend he rides his bike up the A10, past the site we identified three weeks earlier from that pub window. It’s on a slope, not steep, but uneven enough to make him wonder whether the ladder will be stable. He pedals around the corner onto Manor Road to look at another billboard. Below this one the pavement is flat. The bottom of the billboard is at head height, but the ladder would just about reach the top, he thinks. And it’s covered in an advert for a bank.

It’s perfect.

8–13 January 2019

@ByDonkeys

We’re Ben Stewart, James Sadri, Olly Knowles and Will Rose – four friends in our late thirties and forties with backgrounds in environmental and human-rights activism.

Will is a freelance photographer with a long and storied record of climbing power-station smokestacks across Europe to document climate-change protests. He’s originally from just outside Newcastle, but met a Swedish woman seven years ago and moved to a town north of Gothenburg where they’re raising two kids. For him, Brexit is personal.

Olly writes strategies for the Greenpeace global-oceans campaign, working with teams around the world to bring projects to life. He’s been picketing, shutting down and locking onto the objects of his political ire since he was a teenager. His grandfather lost his parents and sister in a V-1 rocket strike in the Second World War – to see the hard-won prize of a unified and peaceful Europe put at risk for vacuous notions of ‘Global Britain’ is, for Olly, quite baffling.

James works as a consultant advising organizations on digital campaigning, but his passion is getting people to close their laptops and do something in the real world. His father is British and his mother Iranian and he grew up aware of the stark contrast between the rights and freedoms afforded to the two sides of his family, knowing that some of them could roam the world as they pleased with their British passports, while others had to pay people smugglers to flee conflict. So he always regarded the EU as an imperfect but inspiring way of organizing neighbouring societies – not as a collection of competing nation states but as something that saw its citizens as people first and nationalities later.