Masking The Silence E-Book

Kiersten Keith

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Kat, a 16 year old high school student has a very broken family. She chooses to deal with it by herself, while everyone else suffers from her consequences. If you start turning these pages you won't stop!

Leseprobe

Kiersten Keith

Masking The Silence

Keep Smokin or Lovin because both kill the brain

BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 Munich

the beginning

My name's Kat and this is my life story. It’s not recommended by the faint of heart or others who are emotionally distraught. If you ever need help reach out to someone. I was mentally, sexually, and physically abused. This is taking a lot of courage right now because nobody even knew any of this happened. My mom is on drugs, and I don’t have a dad anymore.. My sister and I were close but I drifted and never even gave her an explanation. If you looked at me, you wouldn’t be able to tell I was depressed or anxious. Hell, not even my own family and boyfriend know I am.  That’s why I'm not okay. Some people tell me I'm the perfect girl with the perfect body. I would agree with them, but they only see the outside. I see the emotional part of me. There may not be any cutting marks on me, but there's definitely a sharp knife pressed to my heart. Maybe even a loaded gun to my head. Every second of the day, I want to die. I honestly don’t know how I’ve come along this far.. I really don’t.

it all starts

A Year Ago: Lena and Kat used to be close, until July 13 came. On that day, Kat was like a computer that had an error permanently. Her error was the thought of the abuse being completely her fault. She didn’t blame her uncle, for the fact that he was just a guy being lonely for a few years. The incident ate at her for years, and to this day Lena doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what happened. Lena thought Kat just wasn’t like her, and they grew further apart. Even though on the inside Kat was screaming so loud it was silent. The mental and emotional part of Kat was so numb the alcohol and drugs didn’t make her feel much different than she did on a daily basis. 

Lena: Kat acts so much different than me. She parties with drugs and alcohol. You might as well count her as a dropout. All she’s concerned with is Dakota and parties. She doesn’t express emotion, she’s empty, numb inside and out.. I don’t get it. I don’t want to find my sister dead on the streets with a bubble in the drugs, and the needle in her arm. I can’t do it… 

***

Kat: Dakota is the type of guy whose scent stays on your mind for hours after you wake up beside him. He gives me something I’ve never really felt before, that being love and sympathy. When I feel him holding me tight at night, it reminds me of a lilac purple sky; the beauty and recurring event He knows I’m depressed. He knows I have anxiety, and panic attacks if he grabs me the wrong way. I wish he knew it was because of my uncle, but I don’t have the heart to tell Dakota. I can’t even tell my mom. Not because I’m afraid of what she’ll do, but because she’ll think I’m the one to blame. My mom has always blamed me for her ex boyfriends hitting her. She isn’t home enough for her to notice I have more scars from cutting. The mental scars from drinking. The emotional and thinking scars from drugs. 

Kats best friend: As I sit and cry in the bathroom, I thought how could this happen? I was at my best friend's house and her uncle took advantage. I fall apart every day because of it. I can’t stand the thought of even going to Kat’s house anymore. It disgusts me that a forty year old man can take advantage of, at the time, a 13 year old. I wanted to understand why, but I know there won’t be an answer. When I told my dad he said, “Don’t tell anyone that. As for you’re thirteen, and a guy will use you for your body anyways”. I fell apart after that. I just can’t do it… 

***

I had an old friend and her name was Tavery. She always came to my house and stayed the night, but one weekend she just stopped. Tav still goes to the same school, and has a lot of the same classes with me. She just stopped talking to me, which I will never understand. I was thinking about inviting her over, but everytime I try she always changes the subject. I try stopping her in the hallway, in the bathroom, even in the parking lot. Then I came across her in the bathroom, and she was crying. I found out that it happened to her too. The same guy being my uncle, and only a week before he did it to me. Tavery’s boyfriend broke up with her, her mom didn’t believe her. I decided not to say a word to anyone except for Tav. I apologized to Tavery a thousand times through. I also told her the same thing happened to me. Tavery tried to make me tell Dakota or my mom or someone, but my mom doesn’t even know I’m drowning. Not in water but more like in numbness. I’m drowning in pain, alcohol, and the influence of drugs. As of now I will not tell anyone, and Tavery shouldn’t tell anyone for me.

cravings

Day 2: Mom comes home

When my mom came home today, she was with a new guy, high as a kite. I could definitely tell. She also brought her brother back… I tried to avoid the house and Dakota all day, and somehow it worked. When I got back, mom was crashed. That means it’s the come down of “Crank” or better known as crystal. I recognized something when I went up to my room. My diary was missing, and my abusive uncle was in my room…. He tried to throw me up against the wall, and strip me of my clothes, and pride. I tried so hard to fight that I froze up. I didn’t know what to do, but then my mom's “boyfriend” walked in and yelled. My uncle left me alone, but my mother's sweet, loving boyfriend just couldn’t help himself, I guess. He hit me in the stomach, and knocked me unconscious. When I woke up there was blood all over, my clothes disappeared and he wasn’t there anymore. My mom never even told me where this guy came from. I laid there and cried to myself, thinking “when will this end? Do I have to make everything stop myself?” I realized I was depressed, but if I can’t deal with it by myself, why would anyone else even consider helping me?

I would describe depression as not only the feeling of being alone. It's also having so many people around you smiling, but you’re the black sheep in the crowd not even happy to be there. If I’m happy about something, don’t worry it’s not permanent. If I laugh at something the smile won’t be there for very long. Being sad is a whole different story. When I’m sad, it’s a depressive episode for at least 10 months. When I cry at night, I have to put my hand over my mouth so I don’t scream. 

Day 3: Making a list

I wrote on my laptop, reasons that suck the life out of me. 

My own uncle started this habit