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- Herausgeber: Books on Demand
- Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
- Sprache: Englisch
I suffer from bipolar disorder. This collection is a description of my life in the psychiatric system. It is a description of sorrow and of the darkest corners in a mental hospital. A description of failure, but also of small victories appearing from the cold earth, where they are least expected. I have painted pictures of a world viewed through glasses of a manic depressive. They are mood pictures from my life describing how my illness has shaped me to the person I am today. I have a good life today and I have learned to live with my illness. I just have to take care of myself. Sometimes more than I think necessary.
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Seitenzahl: 27
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019
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you grabbed my feet in my early youth, when the world was lying open to me. you built an obstacle course and you threw me in the middle.
initially i went off course but i could still navigate through the obstacles. i was puzzled about the bumps but i did not give them any meaning, because i still managed to hold on to the many things, which gave me quality of life. but you grabbed me and had no intention to let go.
you became more demanding through the years and your course became harder to navigate through. you blocked the door to the exits and you filled the course with alcohol and pill abuse. when you opened the door again, i had lost the will to live and i tried to leave the world. you could not accept that, so you threw me at the hospital where i lived for a long period of time.
i fought back. i fought myself out of the alcohol fogs and out of the pill’s sedating effect. i found a small pocket in life, in which i could navigate without your interference. you still tried to control my life but i kept you away. i fought you and i took small steps and i tasted momentary victories. your obstacle course appeared from time to time, but i could find my way out most of the time.
you still have a firm grip on my feet, but i accept your presence. i live with your limitations.
i live with you.
Table of Contents
Symptoms
In the garden
Porcelain boy
Another brick
Supermarket
Amusement park
Road
Psychiatrist
Trees
Bus
Anxiety
Psychologist
On the road
Bar
Psychiatrist #2
In the forest
Rest stop
Left behind
Interview
Hotel
New year
Anxiety #2
Darkness
On the way
Hurricane
Belt
Force
Visit
Mania
Visit #2
Social worker
Behind the door
Flipping places
Pub
Endlösung
Back once again
National hospital
In my ward
Night at the hospital
Voices
In the night
Ward door
Released
Home
Alcohol
Lithium
Relaxation therapist
District
Group therapy
In the night
Social services
Anxiety #3
Recovery
Wine
Psychiatrist #3
Solitary
Psychiatrist #4
Change of scenery
Bottle
Heavy rocks
Home safely
Living room
Psychiatrist #5
Balance
At work
Woman
Presentation
Courage
Mug
Field trip
Mood chart
Date
Epilogue
symptoms
in the garden
green grass on unhardened feet
sun on bent shoulders
i am sitting in my parents’ garden
counting yellow flowers
the redcurrant bushes
multiply as they shall
the potato crop has failed
there is a window missing
in the greenhouse
i do not worry
about all those things
worry about the chaos
that surrounds
my head
porcelain boy
porcelain boy
i stand on the shelf
squinting
vigilant
in disguise
glass fish
i take punches
obey orders
from soldiers
in the yard
white stripes
on my cheeks
