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- Herausgeber: Lindsay McCafferty
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
When darkness seems to have snuffed your life out, what would it take to reignite your inner fire?
Aria, the crown princess of Torrannon, has the world at her feet and a bright future. Then she develops anxiety and depression and finds herself trapped in a losing battle that seems to only have one tragic path of escape.
Landa, a phoenix, has an embarrassing accident, and her confidence diminishes. She then loses the one ability she wields as a phoenix—her fire.
With an invasion against Torrannon looming, Aria and Landa must save the kingdom from utter ruin. But first, they will have to rise above their inner struggles in order to survive an encounter with a far more sinister evil.
This is the first book in the Sparks Shall Rise epic fantasy series. A tale about learning how to believe in yourself and how to find the smallest spark of hope, even when you feel as if you are drowning in darkness. Contains content dealing with anxiety, health anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and suicidal ideation.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020
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Content Warning
Content dealing with anxiety, health anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and suicidal ideation.
Sparks Shall Rise: Reawakened Flames
© 2020, 2018 Lindsay McCafferty
All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form, including for AI training, without written permission from the publisher and/or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
To be used by AI companies, this book must be acquired legally. Downloading the book from a pirate site and using it to train an AI model does not count as fair use.
This work of fiction is not a substitute for real advice from licensed physicians, therapists, or mental health professionals. Any portrayal of medical practices or therapy is fictitious and not to be interpreted as accurate.
The story, names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are from the author’s imagination and are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, and events is intended or should be inferred.
Second Edition (2022)
Cover, Map & Title Page designed by MiblArt
Interior formatting made using Atticus.
ISBN-13 (eBook): 978-0-578-64151-5
authorlindsaymccafferty.com
Table of Contents
Preface
Ineverexpectedthat I would develop mental illness, let alone more than one type. My life up until that point could be defined as simply normal. This didn’t mean I was immune. No one is. The mental illness began slowly and eventually took hold of me, sometimes leaving me almost completely crippled mentally.
I never expected to write a book about mental illness. I loved writing ever since I was little. I remember stapling together big sheets of paper to make books and coloring words and pictures onto the pages. Once I discovered the fantasy genre, I created tales of my own. Some of my early ideas still live within this story.
I never expected to write a book based on two nightmares. You can find more on that after the end of the story. I could explain here, but they spoil parts of the book. Basically, I had two nightmares, my imagination melded them together, and this world came alive in my mind.
I never expected that publishing a book would be so difficult. Specifically, I mean figuring everything out. I dived into the world of self-publishing blind and overconfident. I made numerous mistakes, and I didn’t know what I was doing most of the time. That didn’t stop me from quitting. I researched a lot about the book publishing industry and how to improve my craft. I changed my mind constantly about the storyline, even coming up with a new book title and series name. And even while I struggled with mental illness, and believed every day that I would be dead soon from some kind of health problem, I still fought my way through it to work on this book.
I don’t know what struggles the future will bring me, but I do know that no matter how dark and unbearable life may seem, even the smallest spark of hope can never be extinguished.
I would like to give special thanks to my editor, Kathy Bosman, for helping to fix tiny errors that I would have never noticed and transforming my previous attempt into a more professional book. Also, thank you to MiblArt for creating the cover and the map that I always dreamed of. And thank you for the title page.
Pronunciation Guide
Ehckrist – Eh-krist
Hanarthar – Haw-nar-thar
Jayce – Jayse
Landaro – Lan-dar-oh
Lythannen – Lih-than-nen
Roechellar – Roh-shel-lar
Torrannon – Tor-ran-non
Tyringild – Ty-rin-gild
Vendenall – Ven-deh-nall
Wierlling – Weir-ling
Yana – Yaw-na
One
Everythingwaswonderful.Actually, everything was perfect until the day her entire world fell apart.
Aria, the only daughter of King Garne and Queen Amelia, was like any young adult: reckless and with a distinct lack of fear that anything could go wrong. The princess, who had long, wavy, brown hair and hazel eyes, was full of life and loved every minute of her existence. She was destined to one day rule the kingdom of Torrannon. Her life was filled with surety, and her path already lay before her feet.
She lived in a grand castle, constructed out of light gray stone, with a tower on each corner of the lofty keep. A high wall encircled the structure. Villages peppered the lands around the castle except in front of the main entrance.
The vast forest of Lythannen was to the south. To the east were two rows of kingdoms. Drangon, Roechellar, and Hanarthar bordered Torrannon. Tyringild, Algasnic, Branengore, and Vendenall were set along the coast. The Dranfell Mountains encompassed Lythannen and all the kingdoms to the north, west, and south.
One day, Aria’s mom fell ill with an unknown ailment. The healers did everything they could to save her, but she died before they diagnosed the cause of her sickness. They suspected intentional poisoning because the illness had suddenly started after she ate, but they never found any proof. The people loved their queen, so no one understood why anyone would harm her. The exact cause of her illness remained a mystery.
Aria’s entire world changed. For twenty-four years, she understood the world to be black and white regarding illnesses and health. There was always an obvious way to fix whatever ailed a person because the ailment could always be identified. When they could not be healed, there was a clear-cut reason. She believed no sudden, unknown dangers existed that could bring down a person still so strong and full of life.
Aria had never been an anxious person before—a bit of a worrier at times but never excessively. Now, she didn’t know how to be calm and content because if a mystery illness killed her mom, she could suffer the same fate.
She had been sick plenty of times but never seriously. Aria had spent most of her life in blessedly good health. She didn’t allow her thoughts to dwell on stories about illnesses and conditions that resulted in death.
Soon after her mom’s death, Aria had a panic attack late at night while thinking too much about the possibility of some unknown disease taking her life. She felt a knot in the pit of her stomach, and anxiousness swept rampantly through her body like nothing she had ever experienced before. After she calmed down a little, Aria resolved that if a terrible misfortune should occur, there was probably no way to prevent it. She hoped everything would look better in the morning.
Her resolution was thrown out the window after she woke up to a peculiar sensation. A steady beating rhythm rocked her body. She realized that the sensation was her heartbeat, but she had never been so aware of it. The rhythm wasn’t off, yet it was louder than normal.
Her body had betrayed her. She had just said that everything would be better. Apparently, there was more than a mystery illness for her to worry about. Aria didn’t want to die right now. This caused a panicked trip to the castle’s healers.
“They’re called palpitations, and they’re a normal response to the panic attack. As long as the rhythm isn’t frequently abnormal, even when you aren’t anxious, you should be fine. Just relax. Try taking deep breaths when you feel panicky,” one of them said.
Aria attempted to use the deep-breathing method whenever anxious thoughts surfaced. Although the technique did help with quieting the panic, the seeds of anxiety had already been planted and grew slowly each day.
The possibility of an abnormal heart rhythm resulted in her continuingly checking her pulse for days. Sometimes the skin on her neck burned from touching it multiple times a day. She never heard anything unusual, and considering that when her heartbeat was loud, the rhythm remained normal, she was pretty sure nothing was wrong.
Her issues with palpitations faded away, but an endless cycle of physical symptoms continued. Excruciating headaches, that made her think she was having an aneurysm, dizziness, that made the room spin, nausea and stomachaches so bad she could barely stand, excessive sweating, and several other sensations all followed.
Aria lost control of her body. When one symptom faded, another swiftly appeared. She couldn’t let her guard down for one second because if she couldn’t figure out that the sensation was nothing to worry about or caused by anxiety, then it could be the sign of a more nefarious condition.
Panic and imagining the worst possibility became her first instinct rather than rationally analyzing why she was in pain or didn’t feel right. Even if she thought nothing was wrong with her body, the anxiety wouldn’t always let her trust her own judgment.
She kept thinking that if she went to a healer when she wasn’t sure about a symptom and they assured her that nothing was wrong, then she could relax. But this was only a temporary fix. She always felt embarrassed to look as if she was paranoid about everything, so she stopped going unless a symptom seemed too unusual.
Falling asleep took longer than usual. Then, she couldn’t stay asleep. Aria spent many frustrating nights waking up multiple times and wishing the sun would hurry and rise already. An increase in nightmares left her wishing she could close her eyes and fall into a state of blissful nothing without any dreams or just not have to sleep at all.
All of this led to exhaustion. She had experienced fatigue before but nothing as intense as this. Her mind ran fine, yet her body had no energy or motivation to do what she asked, even if she slept well. A bone weariness settled over her after any spikes in anxiety. Most of the time, she didn’t feel as if she had the strength to leave her bed.
The anxiety wasn’t focused exclusively on her health. The fear also bled into her daily life.
Training to wield weapons meant she could die if she made a major blunder, like losing her grip on something because her hands were too sweaty from anxiety. Handling fire could cause any number of catastrophes. Lighting a candle now took twice as long because she didn’t want to make a mistake. Visions of falling and breaking her neck flashed in her mind when she walked up or down stairs.
Working among the people meant possible danger if someone tried to hurt her. Plenty of royal guards were always present, but Aria was more watchful and suspicious. Appearing to be calm and in control took a massive and exhaustive effort for her to accomplish.
Every time Aria was alone, her thoughts were hyper-focused on the ever-growing list of everything that could kill her. All the what-ifs piled up in her mind. Any sense of safety in the castle and in her own body disappeared as the fear of the unknown increased.
Darkness washed over her. No matter where she sat, the walls of the world closed in as terror-filled thoughts suffocated her mind. She couldn’t fully relax, not when another danger, either real or imagined, always waited around the next corner. Depending on the intensity of the anxiety, deep breathing didn’t always help anymore.
With almost every aspect of her life becoming more difficult to deal with because of the anxiety, depression also sprang up. Aria couldn’t think clearly anymore, and she was weary of feeling scared almost constantly about something suddenly killing her. She wondered if the people of Torrannon would want a princess who was practically frightened of her own shadow.
She was aware that other people dealt with problems similar to hers, but there wasn’t much help for them. Mental illness wasn’t a condition people could sleep off, bandage, apply a salve, or take medicine for. Healers offered advice, but they couldn’t cure issues of the mind. People just coped with their mental illnesses the best that they could, most of the time in silence.
Opening up about it was difficult because some people never understood what those with mental illness went through. Demands to get over it or relax didn’t improve the situation. Causing people to feel ashamed about their mental illness, to supposedly motivate them to get better, was never the best method.
Aria knew one of those speeches would never help her. She would just tumble down deeper into her dark pit, with the added guilt that someone thought she was acting ridiculous for being stuck in an unhappy mindset. Her position of power demanded her to not show weakness and invite negative judgment. It would not be ideal if her people believed she was unfit to lead them even before she became queen.
Anxiety and depression both screamed in Aria’s head all day, every day. The fear and the hopelessness had their claws in too deep for her to pull them back out easily. This was no state of mind to be trapped in when one day she would run the kingdom, and the people would depend on her.
Or to live day-to-day life.
Two
Ariasatather desk in her bedroom, pondering about what her life had become while blankly gazing at the night sky out of the two windows in front of her. Silver moonlight and the warm glow of candles lit the room. She had changed into her favorite purple nightgown a little while ago, but her mind was too wound up for her to sleep.
Her bed was to her left with soft, white sheets, a turquoise bedspread, and fluffy pillows. A chest sat at the foot of the bed. A wardrobe was on her right with her clothes, armor, and weapons. A full-length mirror was attached to the wall next to it. To the right of the door behind her was a four-shelf bookcase filled with books. Some of them were for studying, and the others were her own personal collection.
