some kind of miracle E-Book

Laura Eigenmann

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 38

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

"some kind of miracle" is a collection of confessional poetry about the author's journey of self-discovery. it contains 23 poems divided into 4 chapters, each chapter representing one aspect of the same story. it is a story about an almost love, about the messiness of a life lived in the in-betweens and its most powerful lessons. it is also an homage to all the poets and artists that have inspired the author along the way.

Leseprobe

to the dreamer in you

in me

in all of us

Content

THE PROLOGUE

Part I

Part II

Part III

THE LESSONS

to keep balance, you must keep moving

whatever is difficult is good

beauty can be born out of pain

I write

an ode to atticus

love her but leave her wild

it takes a life to become young

the promise

THE LOVER

a good muse

the morning

what if

the moments

about freedom

THE DESIRE

say

hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

her

transgression

jealousy

a love affair

confessions

If you want me to

I will be the one

That is always good

And you’ll love me too

But you’ll never know

What I feel inside

That I’m really bad

Little trouble girl

Little Trouble Girl by Sonic Youth, 1995

INTRODUCTION

Words are my salvation

I was four years old when I was first able to put my life’s most essential cornerstones down in writing: Mama, Papa, Laura. Written in capital letters and with an inverted R, they laid the ground for a magnitude of stories that would accompany my loneliest childhood days and follow me into late adolescence. I had always been an unusual girl. When the young and naive affection I offered the world was ridiculed and rejected time and time again, I turned pain into beauty by transforming it into rhymes. Realizing that the world didn’t hold a place for the colorfulness that was my soul, I used my imagination to invent a self that could – and would – be accepted.

Convinced that everything – anything – must and will come to an end and that people will always leave, I became voraciously hungry for experiences. I aimed to continually get to the bottom of what connected us as humans and in such kept drowning myself in everyone seemingly offering me a place to rest my head. Eventually, I gave my heart to someone who could not only truly understand the dustiest corners of my mixed-up soul but ultimately also stripped me of everything she could find there. I didn’t know it back then, but her leaving left me bereft of my writing. Lost for words, I had lost myself.

The years that followed were marked by self-medicated numbness and a quest for vengeance so ferocious it would not only destroy the sensitive girl inside of me but everyone else that dared to come too close to her. On the outside, I grew up to be an independent so-called successful woman, but deep down my brokenness prevented me from the very connection I had once so desperately searched for.

They say it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is. To me, that meant meeting the person that would untangle the madness that haunted me and then watching my darkness slowly but ever so surely break him. His love for me was like Icarus’ devotion to the sun – pure, painful and ultimately fatal. Its honesty cracked my heart open, shining a light into the ugliest rooms within myself and brutally forcing me to take responsibility for what I had buried there. Sadly, it took me too long to understand that this, too, had been a gift.

At last, the downfall turned out to be my redemption. Remembering the girl I used to be had set me free. Not long after, my heart was captivated by a love so solid and nurturing, it could convince me that sometimes, people do stay. He offered me something no one ever had before: hope. By his side, I was able to soften up my defenses and at the same time reconnect to the untamed wildness that accounts for the very essence of my being. Feeling safely grounded by his presence, I ventured out into the unknown. Once I rediscovered myself, words came back to me.

And, oh boy – did they come back to me!

For the first time in what seemed like forever, I allowed myself to be seen by others – if only a chosen few – vulnerably and openly. Whenever we granted each other access to uncharted terrain, we got the chance to recognize ourselves through the eyes of another, deconstructing our reality and reconstructing it accordingly. I learned that it is never too late to be the person you want to be. That – even if loneliness is indeed the human condition – people who can truly