I.
EMMA LOU
More acutely than ever before
Emma Lou began to feel that her luscious black complexion was
somewhat of a liability, and that her marked color variation from
the other people in her environment was a decided curse. Not that
she minded being black, being a Negro necessitated having a colored
skin, but she did mind being too black. She couldn't understand why
such should be the case, couldn't comprehend the cruelty of the
natal attenders who had allowed her to be dipped, as it were, in
indigo ink when there were so many more pleasing colors on nature's
palette. Biologically, it wasn't necessary either; her mother was
quite fair, so was her mother's mother, and her mother's brother,
and her mother's brother's son; but then none of them had had a
black man for a father. Why had her mother married a black man?
Surely there had been some eligible brown-skin men around. She
didn't particularly desire to have had a "high yaller" father, but
for her sake certainly some more happy medium could have been
found.
She wasn't the only person who
regretted her darkness either. It was an acquired family
characteristic, this moaning and grieving over the color of her
skin. Everything possible had been done to alleviate the unhappy
condition, every suggested agent had been employed, but her skin,
despite bleachings, scourgings, and powderings, had remained
black—fast black—as nature had planned and effected.
She should have been born a boy,
then color of skin wouldn't have mattered so much, for wasn't her
mother always saying that a black boy could get along, but that a
black girl would never know anything but sorrow and disappointment?
But she wasn't a boy; she was a girl, and color did matter,
mattered so much that she would rather have missed receiving her
high school diploma than have to sit as she now sat, the only odd
and conspicuous figure on the auditorium platform of the Boise high
school. Why had she allowed them to place her in the center of the
first row, and why had they insisted upon her dressing entirely in
white so that surrounded as she was by similarly attired pale-faced
fellow graduates she resembled, not at all remotely, that comic
picture her Uncle Joe had hung in his bedroom? The picture wherein
the black, kinky head of a little red-lipped pickaninny lay like a
fly in a pan of milk amid a white expanse of bedclothes.
But of course she couldn’t have
worn blue or black when the call was for the wearing of white, even
if white was not complementary to her complexion. She would have
been odd-looking anyway no matter what she wore and she would also
have been conspicuous, for not only was she the only dark-skinned
person on the platform, she was also the only Negro pupil in the
entire school, and had been for the past four years. Well, thank
goodness, the principal would soon be through with his monotonous
farewell address, and she and the other members of her class would
advance to the platform center as their names were called and
receive the documents which would signify their unconditional
release from public school.
As she thought of these things,
Emma Lou glanced at those who sat to the right and to the left of
her. She envied them their obvious elation, yet felt a strange
sense of superiority because of her immunity for the moment from an
ephemeral mob emotion. Get a diploma?—What did it mean to her?
College?—Perhaps. A job?—Perhaps again. She was going to have a
high school diploma, but it would mean nothing to her whatsoever.
The tragedy of her life was that she was too black. Her face and
not a slender roll of ribbon-bound parchment was to be her future
identification tag in society. High school diploma indeed! What she
needed was an efficient bleaching agent, a magic cream that would
remove this unwelcome black mask from her face and make Her more
like her fellow men.
“Emma Lou Morgan.”
She came to with a start. The
principal had called her name and stood smiling down at her
benevolently. Some one—she knew it was her Cousin Buddie, stupid
imp—applauded, very faintly, very provokingly. Some one else
snickered.
“Emma Lou Morgan.”
The principal had called her name
again, more sharply than before and his smile was less benevolent.
The girl who sat to the left of her nudged her. There was nothing
else for her to do but to get out of that anchoring chair and march
forward to receive her diploma. But why did the people in the
audience have to stare so? Didn’t they all know that Emma Lou
Morgan was Boise high school’s only nigger student? Didn’t they all
know—but what was the use. She had to go get that diploma, so
summoning her most insouciant manner, she advanced to the platform
center, brought every muscle of her lithe limbs into play,
haughtily extended her shiny black arm to receive the proffered
diploma, bowed a chilly thanks, then holding her arms stiffly at
her sides, insolently returned to her seat in that forboding white
line, insolently returned once more to splotch its pale purity and
to mock it with her dark, outlandish difference.
Emma Lou had been born in a
semi-white world, totally surrounded by an all-white one, and those
few dark elements that had forced their way in had either been
shooed away or else greeted with derisive laughter. It was the
custom always of those with whom she came into most frequent
contact to ridicule or revile any black person or object. A black
cat was a harbinger of bad luck, black crape was the insignia of
mourning, and black people were either evil niggers with poisonous
blue gums or else typical vaudeville darkies. It seemed as if the
people in her world never went half-way in their recognition or
reception of things black, for these things seemed always to call
forth only the most extreme emotional reactions. They never
provoked mere smiles or mere melancholy, rather they were the
signal either for boisterous guffaws or pain-induced and
tear-attended grief.
Emma Lou had been becoming
increasingly aware of this for a long time, but her immature mind
had never completely grasped its full, and to her, tragic
significance. First there had been the case of her father, old
black Jim Morgan they called him, and Emma Lou had often wondered
why it was that he of all the people she heard discussed by her
family should always be referred to as if his very blackness
condemned him to receive no respect from his fellow men.
She had also began to wonder if
it was because of his blackness that he had never been in evidence
as far as she knew. Inquiries netted very unsatisfactory answers.
“Your father is no good.” “He left your mother, deserted her
shortly after you were born.” And these statements were always
prefixed or followed by some epithet such as “dirty black
no-gooder” or “durn his onery black hide.” There was in fact only
one member of the family who did not speak of her father in this
manner, and that was her Uncle Joe, who was also the only person in
the family to whom she really felt akin, because he alone never
seemed to regret, to bemoan, or to ridicule her blackness of skin.
It was her grandmother who did all the regretting, her mother who
did the bemoaning, her Cousin Buddie and her playmates, both white
and colored, who did the ridiculing.
Emma Lou’s maternal grandparents,
Samuel and Maria Lightfoot, were both mulatto products of slave-day
promiscuity between male masters and female chattel. Neither had
been slaves, their own parents having been granted their freedom
because of their rather close connections with the white branch of
the family tree. These freedmen had migrated into Kansas with their
children, and when these children had grown up they in turn had
joined the westward-ho parade of that current era, and finally
settled in Boise, Idaho.
Samuel and Maria, like many
others of their kind and antecedents, had had only one compelling
desire, which motivated their every activity and dictated their
every thought. They wished to put as much physical and mental space
between them and the former home of their parents as was possible.
That was why they had left Kansas, for in Kansas there were too
many reminders of that which their parents had escaped and from
which they wished to flee. Kansas was too near the former slave
belt, too accessible to disgruntled southerners, who, deprived of
their slaves, were inculcated with an easily communicable virus,
nigger hatred. Then, too, in Kansas all Negroes were considered as
belonging to one class. It didn’t matter if you and your parents
had been freedmen before the Emancipation Proclamation, nor did it
matter that you were almost three-quarters white. You were,
nevertheless, classed with those hordes of hungry, ragged, ignorant
black folk arriving from the South in such great numbers, packed
like so many stampeding cattle in dirty, manure-littered box
cars.
From all of this these maternal
grandparents of Emma Lou fled, fled to the Rocky Mountain states
which were too far away for the recently freed slaves to reach,
especially since most of them believed that the world ended just a
few miles north of the Mason-Dixon line. Then, too, not only were
the Rocky Mountain states beyond the reach of this raucous and
smelly rabble of recently freed cotton pickers and plantation
hands, but they were also peopled by pioneers, sturdy land and gold
seekers from the East, marching westward, always westward in search
of El Dorado, and being too busy in this respect to be violently
aroused by problems of race unless economic factors precipitated
matters.
So Samuel and Maria went into the
fast farness of a little known Rocky Mountain territory and settled
in Boise, at the time nothing more than a trading station for the
Indians and whites, and a red light center for the cowboys and
sheepherders and miners in the neighboring vicinity. Samuel went
into the saloon business and grew prosperous. Maria raised a family
and began to mother nuclear elements for a future select Negro
social group.
There was of course in such a
small and haphazardly populated community some social intermixture
between whites and blacks. White and black gamblers rolled the dice
together, played tricks on one another while dealing faro, and
became allies in their attempts to outfigure the roulette wheel.
White and black men amicably frequented the saloons and dancehalls
together. White and black women leaned out of the doorways and
windows of the jerry-built frame houses and log cabins of “Whore
Row.” White and black housewives gossiped over back fences and lent
one another needed household commodities. But there was little
social intercourse on a higher scale. Slue-foot Sal, the most
popular high yaller on “Whore Row,” might be a buddy to Irish Peg
and Blond Liz, but Mrs. Amos James, whose husband owned the town’s
only drygoods store, could certainly not become too familiar with
Mrs. Samuel Lightfoot, colored, whose husband owned a saloon. And
it was not a matter of the difference in their respective husbands’
businesses. Mrs. Amos James did associate with Mrs. Arthur Emory,
white, whose husband also owned a saloon. It was purely a matter of
color.
Emma Lou’s grandmother then,
holding herself aloof from the inmates of “Whore Row,” and not
wishing to associate with such as old Mammy Lewis’ daughters, who
did most of the town wash, and others of their ilk, was forced to
choose her social equals slowly and carefully. This was hard, for
there were so few Negroes in Boise anyway that there wasn’t much
cream to skim off. But as the years passed, others, who, like Maria
and her husband, were mulatto offsprings of mulatto freedmen
seeking a freer land, moved in, and were soon initiated into what
was later to be known as the blue vein circle, so named because all
of its members were fair-skinned enough for their blood to be seen
pulsing purple through the veins of their wrists.
Emma Lou’s grandmother was the
founder and the acknowledged leader of Boise’s blue veins, and she
guarded its exclusiveness passionately and jealously. Were they not
a superior class? Were they not a very high type of Negro,
comparable to the persons of color group in the West Indies? And
were they not entitled, ipso facto, to more respect and opportunity
and social acceptance than the more pure blooded Negroes? In their
veins was some of the best blood of the South. They were closely
akin to the only true aristocrats in the United States. Even the
slave masters had been aware of and acknowledged in some measure
their superiority. Having some of Marse George’s blood in their
veins set them apart from ordinary Negroes at birth. These
mulattoes as a rule were not ordered to work in the fields beneath
the broiling sun at the urge of a Simon Legree lash. They were
saved and trained for the more gentle jobs, saved and trained to be
ladies’ maids and butlers. Therefore, let them continue this
natural division of Negro society. Let them also guard against
unwelcome and degenerating encroachments. Their motto must be
“Whiter and whiter every generation,” until the grandchildren of
the blue veins could easily go over into the white race and become
assimilated so that problems of race would plague them no
more.
Maria had preached this doctrine
to her two children, Jane and Joe, throughout their apprentice
years, and can therefore be forgiven for having a physical collapse
when they both, first Joe, then Emma Lou’s mother, married not
mulattoes, but a copper brown and a blue black. This had been
somewhat of a necessity, for, when the mating call had made itself
heard to them, there had been no eligible blue veins around. Most
of their youthful companions had been sent away to school or else
to seek careers in eastern cities, and those few who had remained
had already found their chosen life’s companions. Maria had sensed
that something of the kind might happen and had urged Samuel to
send Jane and Joe away to some eastern boarding school, but Samuel
had very stubbornly refused. He had his own notions of the sort of
things one’s children learned in boarding school, and of the
greater opportunities they had to apply that learning. True, they
might acquire the same knowledge in the public schools of Boise,
but then there would be some limit to the extent to which they
could apply this knowledge, seeing that they lived at home and
perforce must submit to some parental supervision. A cot in the
attic at home was to Samuel a much safer place for a growing child
to sleep than an iron four poster in a boarding school
dormitory.
So Samuel had remained adamant
and the two carefully reared scions of Boise’s first blue vein
family had of necessity sought their mates among the lower orders.
However, Joe’s wife was not as undesirable as Emma Lou’s father,
for she was almost three-quarters Indian, and there was scant
possibility that her children would have revolting dark skins,
thick lips, spreading nostrils, and kinky hair. But in the case of
Emma Lou’s father, there were no such extenuating characteristics,
for his physical properties undeniably stamped him as a full
blooded Negro. In fact, it seemed as if he had come from one of the
few families originally from Africa, who could not boast of having
been seduced by some member of the southern aristocracy, or
befriended by some member of a strolling band of Indians.
No one could understand why Emma
Lou’s mother had married Jim Morgan, least of all Jane herself. In
fact she hadn’t thought much about it until Emma Lou had been born.
She had first met Jim at a church picnic, given in a woodlawn
meadow on the outskirts of the city, and almost before she had
realized what was happening she had found herself slipping away
from home, night after night, to stroll down a well shaded street,
known as Lover’s Lane, with the man her mother had forbidden her to
see. And it hadn’t been long before they had decided that an
elopement would be the only thing to assure themselves the pleasure
of being together without worrying about Mama Lightfoot’s wrath,
talkative neighbors, prying town marshals, and grass stains.
Despite the rancor of her mother
and the whispering of her mother’s friends, Jane hadn’t really
found anything to regret in her choice of a husband until Emma Lou
had been born. Then all the fears her mother had instilled in her
about the penalties inflicted by society upon black Negroes,
especially upon black Negro girls, came to the fore. She was
abysmally stunned by the color of her child, for she had been
certain that since she herself was so fair that her child could not
possibly be as dark as its father. She had been certain that it
would be a luscious admixture, a golden brown with all its mother’s
desirable facial features and its mother’s hair. But she hadn’t
reckoned with nature’s perversity, nor had she taken under
consideration the inescapable fact that some of her ancestors too
had been black, and that some of their color chromosomes were still
imbedded within her. Emma Lou had been fortunate enough to have
hair like her mother’s, a thick, curly black mass of hair, rich and
easily controlled, but she had also been unfortunate enough to have
a face as black as her father’s, and a nose which, while not
exactly flat, was as distinctly negroid as her too thick
lips.
Her birth had served no good
purpose. It had driven her mother back to seek the confidence and
aid of Maria, and it had given Maria the chance she had been
seeking to break up the undesirable union of her daughter with what
she termed an ordinary black nigger. But Jim’s departure hadn’t
solved matters at all, rather it had complicated them, for although
he was gone, his child remained, a tragic mistake which could not
be stamped out or eradicated even after Jane, by getting a divorce
from Jim and marrying a red-haired Irish Negro, had been accepted
back into blue vein grace.
Emma Lou had always been the
alien member of the family and of the family’s social circle. Her
grandmother, now a widow, made her feel it. Her mother made her
feel it. And her Cousin Buddie made her feel it, to say nothing of
the way she was regarded by outsiders. As early as she could
remember, people had been saying to her mother, “What an
extraordinarily black child! Where did you adopt it?” or else,
“Such lovely unniggerish hair on such a niggerish-looking child.”
Some had even been facetious and made suggestions like, “Try some
lye, Jane, it may eat it out. She can’t look any worse.”
Then her mother’s re-marriage had
brought another person into her life, a person destined to give
her, while still a young child, much pain and unhappiness. Aloysius
McNamara was his name. He was the bastard son of an Irish
politician and a Negro washerwoman, and until he had been sent East
to a parochial school, Aloysius, so named because that was his
father’s middle name, had always been known as Aloysius Washington,
and the identity of his own father had never been revealed to him
by his proud and humble mother. But since his father had been
prevailed upon to pay for his education, Aloysius’ mother thought
it the proper time to tell her son his true origin and to let him
assume his real name. She had hopes that away from his home town he
might be able to pass for white and march unhindered by bars of
color to fame and fortune.
But such was not to be the case,
for Emma Lou’s prospective stepfather was so conscious of the Negro
blood in his veins and so bitter because of it, that he used up
whatever talents he had groaning inwardly at capricious fate, and
planning revenge upon the world at large, especially the black
world. For it was Negroes and not whites whom he blamed for his
own, to him, life’s tragedy. He was not fair enough of skin,
despite his mother’s and his own hopes, to pass for white. There
was a brownness in his skin, inherited from his mother, which
immediately marked him out for what he was, despite the red hair
and the Irish blue eyes. And his facial features had been modeled
too generously. He was not thin lipped, nor were his nostrils as
delicately chiseled as they might have been. He was a Negro. There
was no getting around it, although he tried in every possible way
to do so.
Finishing school, he had returned
West for the express purpose of making his father accept him
publicly and personally advance his career. He had wanted to be a
lawyer and figured that his father’s political pull was
sufficiently strong to draw him beyond race barriers and set him as
one apart. His father had not been entirely cold to these plans and
proposals, but his father’s wife had been. She didn’t mind her
husband giving this nigger bastard of his money, and receiving him
in his home on rare and private occasions. She was trying to be
liberal, but she wasn’t going to have people point to her and say,
“That’s Boss McNamara’s wife. Wonder if that nigger son is his'n or
hers. They do say. . . .” So Aloysius had found himself shunted
back into the black world he so despised. He couldn't be made to
realize that being a Negro did not necessarily indicate that one
must also be a ne’er-do-well. Had he been white, or so he said, he
would have been a successful criminal lawyer, but being considered
black it was impossible for him ever to be anything more advanced
than a pullman car porter or a dining car waiter, and acting upon
this premise, he hadn’t tried to be anything else.
His only satisfaction in life was
the pleasure he derived from insulting and ignoring the real
blacks. Persons of color, mulattoes, were all right, but he
couldn’t stand detestable black Negroes. Unfortunately, Emma Lou
fell into this latter class, and suffered at his hands accordingly,
until he finally ran away from his wife, Emma Lou, Boise, Negroes,
and all, ran away to Canada with Diamond Lil of “Whore Row.”
Summer vacation was nearly over
and it had not yet been decided what to do with Emma Lou now that
she had graduated from high school. She herself gave no help nor
offered any suggestions. As it was, she really did not care what
became of her. After all it didn’t seem to matter. There was no
place in the world for a girl as black as she anyway. Her
grandmother had assured her that she would never find a husband
worth a dime, and her mother had said again and again, “Oh, if you
had only been a boy!” until Emma Lou had often wondered why it was
that people were not able to effect a change of sex or at least a
change of complexion.
It was her Uncle Joe who finally
prevailed upon her mother to send her to the University of Southern
California in Los Angeles. There, he reasoned, she would find a
larger and more intelligent social circle. In a city the size of
Los Angeles there were Negroes of every class, color, and social
position. Let Emma Lou go there where she would not be as far away
from home as if she were to go to some eastern college.
Jane and Maria, while not
agreeing entirely with what Joe said, were nevertheless glad that
at last something which seemed adequate and sensible could be done
for Emma Lou. She was to take the four year college course, receive
a bachelor degree in education, then go South to teach. That, they
thought, was a promising future, and for once in the eighteen years
of Emma Lou’s life every one was satisfied in some measure. Even
Emma Lou grew elated over the prospects of the trip. Her Uncle
Joe’s insistance upon the differences of social contacts in larger
cities intrigued her. Perhaps he was right after all in continually
reasserting to them that as long as one was a Negro, one’s specific
color had little to do with one’s life. Salvation depended upon the
individual. And he also told Emma Lou, during one of their usual
private talks, that it was only in small cities one encountered
stupid color prejudice such as she had encountered among the blue
vein circle in her home town.
“People in large cities,” he had
said, “are broad. They do not have time to think of petty things.
The people in Boise are fifty years behind the times, but you will
find that Los Angeles is one of the world’s greatest and most
modern cities, and you will be happy there.”
On arriving in Los Angeles, Emma
Lou was so busy observing the colored inhabitants that she had
little time to pay attention to other things. Palm trees and wild
geraniums were pleasant to behold, and such strange phenomena as
pepper trees and century plants had to be admired. They were very
obvious and they were also strange and beautiful, but they impinged
upon only a small corner of Emma Lou’s consciousness. She was
minutely aware of them, necessarily took them in while passing,
viewing the totality without pondering over or lingering to praise
their stylistic details. They were, in this instance, exquisite
theatrical props, rendered insignificant by a more beautiful human
pageant. For to Emma Lou, who, in all her life, had never seen over
five hundred Negroes, the spectacle presented by a community
containing over fifty thousand, was sufficient to make relatively
commonplace many more important and charming things than the far
famed natural scenery of Southern California.