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- Herausgeber: BoD - Books on Demand
- Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
- Sprache: Englisch
The Day I Turned into Chloé, the day when the lines between fiction and reality, self and shadow, art and obsession begin to blur. A collection of poetry and prose that offers a glimpse behind the scenes and unravels the red string of fate connecting the characters of the author's novel 'Folie à Deux'. This is the story of losing and finding yourself, of needing to become someone else in order to tell your story. I needed to remember what I wanted to forget I needed to become Chloé to tell you her story
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Seitenzahl: 57
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025
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Trigger Warning: This book contains sensitive content including mental disorders (psychosis), abuse, suicide, murder, psychiatric hospital and other themes that may evoke discomfort for some readers. Please read with caution and if you believe that certain topics could be triggering for you, consider seeking support.
This book contains spoilers of my novel ‘Folie à Deux’. I am giving insights into the backgrounds of the story, the characters and their connection to each other.
Table of Contents
folie à deux (intro)
the cosmos is just chaos making sense
the quiet girl from school is fame now
they say the heart wants what it wants but if you fall for a celebrity you are totally insane
my mind played tricks on me and I played along
there is a very fine line between twelfth house synastry and psychosis
folie à 2 (aftermath)
folie à deux (intro)
did
I
want
to be
with
him
or
did
I
want
to be
like
him?
spring
one year ago
the day I turned into Chloé
someone who only exists
in my imagination
an invention
another version
of myself
am I even real
today is the first time
I think about death again
am I even real
if I see death as compassion
am I even real
that I believe
only an idol
a person I don’t know
I have never met in my life
a person I desired to become
could save me from death
no one believes me
I swear this is the truth
this is the realest thing about me
he is the reason why I live a little bit longer
than I should have
he is the reason I am still alive
whenever I thought about dying
he was there
even if he only exists in my head
does it mean I saved myself
am I even real
the day I turned into chloé
I am very bad with choosing names for my characters. I know beautiful names but I associate them with the wrong people. I had some small test perfumes in my drawer. One of them was by Chloé. I thought ‘what a beautiful name for a book character’. I loved the sound of the name, the colours of the letters and the scent of the perfume of course. The idea of her character was born long ago and then came her name. I spontaneously put the perfume on before I went to a concert of my favourite artist I used to be obsessed with. I believed I could get closer to her, to her world. It was the day I turned into Chloé.
‘Folie à Deux’
I want to share my life with you
you have dreams
and I have insanity
enough for us two
being crazy alone is boring
so be my partner in crime
I have a broken soul
so let me break yours, too
I have a broken soul so let me break yours, too
‘Folie à Deux’ (ICD-10 F24.0) means ‘shared madness’, ‘delusion for two’, as if a psychosis could be contagious. Luc is losing his mind over fame and recognition. Chloé is losing her mind over Luc. Victor is losing his mind over Chloé. Everything is happening twice like an echo. It s a reference to the number two because Chloé is going through everything twice. First with Luc, then with Victor who are also symbolising two opposites and yet they manage to mirror her in the same way. She is stuck in a loop. Like in a never ending repeating karmic cycle.
The story plays in Paris, the city of love, but love doesn’t exist in this story. That’s why I used French names. And it’s matching that the name of this mental disorder was French, too. Chloé just wants to be admired. She maybe loved Luc wholeheartedly, but if you look closer, she just did it because he was famous, well-known and popular. She only loved a picture, the idea of him. If he had been a lonely, poor artist, she wouldn’t even have looked into his direction. Also, we don’t know if Luc really loved Chloé or just performed. And Victor was holding onto Chloé because he wanted to ‘heal’ her. However, she manipulates him because she wanted him to become a copy of Luc, to make her idol ‘more available’ for her.
On top of this, everyone is experiencing their own kind of psychosis or delusion, symbolising the hidden depths of the one’s psyche. Chloé suffers from amorous paranoia, believing that her idol Luc and her were meant for each other. Luc gets paranoid that he is being stalked or followed by his fans, working until reaching a state of burn out. Victor believes that Chloé was meant to enter his life to save him. On the other hand he thinks that every artist is insane in some way which makes him believe that Chloé needs help.
the cosmos is just chaos making sense
there are those
visions
in my head
and I don’t know
if those are real
predictions
or my own
wishes
I have seen you even if I didn’t know how you looked like I heard melodies in my head that didn’t exist and you made them real
I forgot his name but the impression he left stayed forever
The idea of ‘Folie à Deux’ started when I was watching the movie ‘based on a true story’, adapted from the novel by Delphine de Vigan. It s about how the character L. broke into Delphine s life. It started very subtly, turned into a toxic dependency. Especially the scene where L. dyed her hair gave me the idea.
I had visions of the characters in my head. An obsessed fan, an idol and someone else looking similar to the idol of the story but having a completely different personality. A story about manipulation and dependency.
How far can you go by changing someone s personality? Can you be happy with someone who reminds you of someone else?
he was the first one
and my last
always lingering in the back of my head
I forgot his name
but the impression he left stayed forever
something magically familiar
like it belonged to me
it flowed down
like the water
down in the hole of my sink
will we ever meet again, I asked
not knowing whom I meant
flickering on tv
looking through him
like he was invisible
I was thirteen years old
I heard about people having celebrity crushes
it’s the dumbest thing someone could ever have
I am not like that
I will never be like that
I promise
I am not dumb
cause I know
they don t know
I exist
and I couldn t prevent myself from falling
the boys at school all knew me
I just wanted to seem invisible
every year someone else
I turned fourteen
and all I wanted was a rich man
I did not believe in soulmates
