The Last Quiz Night on Earth E-Book

Alison Carr

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Serie: NHB Modern Plays
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 77

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

'The end-of-the-world quiz waits for no man, literally. Onwards, ever onwards, to our fiery decline. Round three…' It's the end of the world. The last night on Earth. An asteroid is heading straight for us and there's nothing we can do about it. Except for maybe host a pub quiz – which is exactly what landlady Kathy and her quizmaster Rav are doing. But, with time ticking, some unexpected guests explode on the scene – Bobby wants to settle old scores, and Fran wants one last shot at love. Alison Carr's play The Last Quiz Night on Earth is an innovative comedy-drama featuring a fully interactive pub quiz for the audience to participate in, complete with real teams, real questions and real swapping each other's answers for marking. It was premiered by Box of Tricks in 2020 on a UK tour, taking in a host of theatres, community venues and pubs. Ideal for performance by amateurs – either in theatres or more unconventional spaces (such as theatre bars and local pubs) – this play offers rich opportunities for audience participation. Quizzing compulsory, alcohol optional.

Leseprobe

Alison Carr

THE LAST

QUIZ NIGHT

ON EARTH

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Original Production

Characters

The Last Quiz Night on Earth

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

The Last Quiz Night on Earth received its world premiere in a production by Box of Tricks Theatre Company at The Welcome Inn, Salford in association with The Lowry on 11 February 2020, before embarking on a tour. The cast was as follows:

KATHY

Meriel Scholfield

RAV

Shaban Dar

BOBBY

Chris Jack

FRAN

Amy Drake

Director

Hannah Tyrrell-Pinder

Designer

Katie Scott

Sound Designer

Chris James

Associate Producer

Max Emmerson

Production Manager

Alice Longson

Assistant Director

Kitty Ball

Press & PR

Bill Elms Associates Ltd.

Characters

KATHY, forties, pub landlady

RAV, twenties, bar man and quiz master

BOBBY, forties, Kathy’s brother

FRAN, twenties, Rav’s childhood sweetheart

Kathy and Rav behave like they know the audience members as pub regulars. They call them by name (names I’ve made up for them) and interact with them as friends.

Location

The Four Horsemen pub.

Time

Right now. It all plays out in real time.

The Quiz

While quiz questions and answers are provided here, there can be flexibility around the delivery of the quiz – how often questions/answers are repeated, etc. It’s a real quiz that the audience must be able to play properly. If you’re performing this production and wish to edit or update the quiz questions, please do so. Though, obviously some need particular answers for reasons that are revealed at the end. The quiz for the original production was different to the one in this published edition.

This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may differ slightly from the play as performed.

Pre-set on the tables are quiz answer-sheets, printed with Rounds One to Five and spaces for six answers per round. There should also be space for a team name, and areas to tot up the scores. Also pens.

ACT ONE

An automated radio broadcast is playing on an old portable CD/radio/cassette player that is on the bar.

The broadcast is full of static but we catch key words. It repeats over and over as the audience come in.

VOICE. This is an Emergency Broadcast. This is an Emergency Broadcast. This is not a test. This is not a test. An asteroid is on a collision course with Earth, impact imminent. NASA have confirmed that all attempts to destroy or divert the object have failed. This is a World-Ending Event. Repeat, this is a World-Ending Event. This is not a test. Recommended action… thoughts and prayers.

KATHY greets the audience like friends and neighbours as they’re coming in. Things like –

KATHY. Hi!

Good to see you.

Tom, Anna, great to see you.

Alright, Mags?

Hi. Hello.

Dannyyyyyy.

Come in, please, make yourselves comfortable.

Gerry, your favourite table’s there waiting. No one would dare.

Etc, etc.

Once everyone is largely settled, KATHY gets things going –

Right, let’s turn this blather off. What more can they say, eh?

She turns the broadcast off.

That’s better.

So. First things first – thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing to spend your last night here with us at the Horsemen. It means so much, it really, really does.

Looking around – most of you I know, friends and neighbours…

Terry, is that your Susan you’re always telling us about? Lovely to meet you at last, love. I wish it was under different circumstances but better late than never, eh. Or better late than pregnant, as my Aunt Viv always said.

Mary, no Chris? Decided to try and get down to see her Pat, did she? I can understand that and good luck to her.

Tasha. Andy. Naz.

Paul. (Curt. A look, a history.)

And those of you I don’t know, and there are a few unfamiliar faces, welcome. I’m so pleased you found us, however you did. You’re all welcome. Even Paul.

I’m so glad that we’re all here together tonight…

She breaks off, emotional.

Sorry. Sorry.

That won’t get me anywhere, will it? I’m sure we’ve all cried rivers these last few days. Raged, ranted, turned the air blue. But here we are. And there it is – (Points to the heavens.) and it’s not stopping its trajectory while I stand here blubbing, so no more of that. (Wipes her eyes, enough.)

Now, Rav’s just putting his distinctive finishing touches to the quiz and then we’ll be off.

Really, we just want to keep everything as normal as possible.

We’ll be keeping the telly off, and the radio. That might seem a bit – to some of you, but really what’s the point in hearing a countdown to it all?

And the fact that you’ve chosen to come here, with us, to do the quiz, well, I think we’re all on the same page.

Now, Rav’s asked me to do some housekeeping –

Phones. I mean, the internet crashed hours ago so the chances of you being able to google the answers is virtually non-existent but he insisted I remind you: no cheating.

And the phone networks have been down all day, but if someone does get a message through or you get any signal, feel free to take a look but don’t take the mick.

And, the bar won’t be serving during the quiz. You know how he gets.

And yes, before you ask, we are still charging normal prices for all drinks and snacks. I’m a businesswoman to the end – I am my father’s daughter, after all. If all this proves to be a big mistake – fingers crossed, eh – I’ll still have bills to pay tomorrow. And if it’s not, well, what are you going to do with that money burning a hole in your pocket? You can’t take it with you.

RAV sticks his head out.

RAV. I’m ready.

KATHY. Oooh, he’s ready, everybody.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and –

RAV. Hang on. I need music.

Take this. (Passes her a CD case.) Track two.

KATHY puts the CD in the player.

Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’ plays.

KATHY. Ladies and gentlemen –

RAV. Don’t talk over the beginning.

KATHY. What?

RAV (re: the music). Stop it.

She stops the track.

The beginning’s the best bit.

KATHY. Sorry.

RAV. Start my intro after the beginning.

KATHY. When they start singing?

RAV. No. There’s a moment, a change in the music – you’ll hear it.

KATHY. What if I don’t?

RAV. You will.

KATHY. But if I don’t?

RAV. I’ll give you a thumbs up when it’s time to start.

Play it nice and loud. Okay?

KATHY. Okay.

RAV disappears again.

The song starts up again.

RAV (off). Louder.

KATHY turns it up.

It’s a long intro with various points that COULD be the change in the music RAV referred to. There are some false starts but eventually RAV gives KATHY the thumbs up.

KATHY. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome to the floor the one, the only, the irreplaceable, the incandescent, the irrrrr-itating as hell demanding this build-up every single time – I give you – RAV!

RAV enters in a sparkly jacket. He struts around believing the hype.

The CD starts to stick. KATHY stops it, takes it out of the player and gives it a wipe.

RAV. Well, that’s ruined it.

KATHY. I’m amazed it works at all. It’s ancient.

RAV. Your spare room’s like going back in time.

That stereo.

This CD.

KATHY. These are classics, all.

RAV. If by ‘classic’ you mean ‘old’, there’s certainly nothing after I was born.

KATHY returns the CD to the player.

KATHY. Do you want me to start the track again?

RAV. No. The moment’s gone.

Sorry about that, everyone. Technical difficulties. It happens to the best of us.

But thank you, thank you for that warm… lukewarm… for that tepid reception.

Yes it’s me, Rav, your quiz host with the most… difficult questions in town.

And tonight it’s my end-of-the-world special. Never to be repeated. But there might be a little surprise at the end. We live in hope, eh.

So without further ado-do – let’s get quizzical, quizzical, I wanna get quizzicaaaal…

He starts another track – it’s the wrong one.

No, sorry. One sec –

How do I – ?

KATHY. Let me see. (Takes charge of the stereo.)

Which track do you want?

RAV. Number seven.

Elvis Costello’s ‘Waiting for the End of the World’ plays as RAV explains the set-up.

There are answer sheets on your tables.

If you’ve come as a team, great.

If you want to buddy up with your table, also great. We’re all friends here.

And if you’re strangers, you’re just friends who haven’t met yet.

And if you don’t get on, we’ll all be dead soon so what does it matter?

There’s a prize for the Best Team Name. One hundred pounds –

KATHY. What? I’m not stumping up a hundred pounds.

RAV. You probably won’t have to. We’ll all be dead soon.

KATHY. Yeah, I don’t really want that to become tonight’s catchphrase.

RAV. You know what, five hundred pounds for the Best Team Name.

KATHY. Rav!

RAV. What? We’ll all be… (Does he try to get the audience to join in?) dead soon!

KATHY. You better hope this asteroid doesn’t miss.