The royal hothouse and other plays E-Book

Rastislav Durman

• Herausgeber: DOO Media Art Content
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 264

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

1: The person known as Lord realized that trading in descendants from overthrown dynasties could be a lucrative business model. He manages to develop the idea, but suddenly, his wards start dying, one by one, endangering not only the Lord’s career, but his life as well.
2: In only two days’ time, three maternity hospitals were closed – the first went up in flames, the second one had a water distribution system failure, and the third one was closed due to financial difficulties. The only remaining maternity hospital in town is overloaded. Sarah, who is “just” a supermarket cashier, arrives to the VIP room. At the same time and in the same place (but in a different dimension), the fetuses from the VIP room are not happy with the country in which they are supposed to spend their future, and they are definitely not happy with their future mothers.
3: Adam is an ambitious businessman who takes the modern-time motto “time is money” seriously. He is under a lot of pressure and he is trying to speed everything up, and at some point, he somehow manages to slip through time and find himself in a world where “meantime” is the fourth dimension.
4: Three souls in the afterlife end up in the wrong place – Leon is a Christian, and after he died, he didn't go to Hell but to Hellenic Hades. Acastus is from ancient Greece and he should have gone to Hades, but the Valkyries accidentally took him to Valhalla, instead of Bjorn, a Norwegian Viking who ended up in Paradise.
And that’s not all!

Leseprobe

Rastislav Durman

THE ROYAL HOTHOUSE

AND OTHER PLAYS

ISBN: 978-86-85832-40-6

© 2020 Rastislav Durman

© 2020 for E-book Media Art Content Ltd, Novi Sad, Serbia

[email protected]

Translated by

James Shuterland Smith, Suzi McClear, Michalel Fronczak,

Sonja Savić Vezmar, Milica Jovanović

Cover page by MAC

Photography Solo Shutter

THE ROYAL HOTHOUSE

Comedy Pretending to be a Thriller

CHARACTERS IN PLAY:

LORD

JOHN, Butler

WHITE KING (55)

BLACK KING (39)

BLACK QUEEN (more than 55)

KING OF SPADES (60)

KING OF CLUBS (31)

KING OF DIAMONDS (42)

KING OF HEARTS (21)

QUEEN OF HEARTS (less than 18)

HAMLET’S FATHER’S GHOST which couldn’t be seen, smelt, heard or detected in any other way but his absence from the play can’t be proved

CUSTOMER (age and gender to be determined by the director)

OLD DETECTIVE

YOUNG DETECTIVE

VOICE OF COMMANDO

SERVANTS

DAY ONE

SCENE 1: PEANUT BUTTER OR WOODY ALLAN’S NEW MOVIE

Lord’s castle, in a room which is both a library and the salon in the same time. It is decorated decently with some charm and discreet luxury. On the left side two chairs, a sofa and the tea table dominates. Books cover almost all of the walls left and back. On the wall right there are pictures connected with royal traditions (coronation of Napoleon, coronation of George V, coronation Louis VII and Blanca etc.). There is an old wall clock near the pictures. Above center stage is a big chandelier. When lights come up we see KING OF SPADES; he pours brandy from a big bottle to a hip flask. He puts the hip flask in his pocket, drinks from the bottle and then hides the bottle behind books in library. As he is leaving the room he meets SERVANT. SERVANT bows and starts to clean dust from books. LORD enters from left side. He has some papers in his hand and tries to find something. JOHN is with LORD with a few files in his hand. He gives a sign to servant to go. LORD sits in the chair and reads; JOHN is standing near the chair. After a few seconds LORD gives papers to JOHN who puts them in one file. LORD is tired; he massages his forehead with his thumb and forefinger.

LORD: OK, John, we can be satisfied with Romania. What’s next? Serbia, isn’t it? What do we have in Serbia?

JOHN: I am afraid …

LORD: I know! Those Serbs can’t live without bullshit!

JOHN: I did my best, Sir.

LORD: It means nothing. God also did his best, but see how the world we are living in looks.

JOHN: If I may say, Sir, it isn’t hopeless.

LORD: I appreciate your efforts to console me, but I know that it is hopeless. My grandfather’s mother was Serb. I have it in my genes.

JOHN: I had our mission on my mind, Sir.

LORD: Of course. So, what do we have in Serbia?

JOHN: We have one descendant of the Brankovic dynasty, Sir.

LORD: I suppose that you checked it?

JOHN: Of course, Sir. Analysis confirmed the same chromosome structure in the

sample we took from the descendant and the sample we stole from the grave.

LORD: Very good, John, but only if we can’t find anything better. That Brankovic dynasty is only second-hand quality. They were not kings but only despots, to say nothing about their poor contribution to national history. In fact, all they did was run away from the Turks. Besides, there are rumors that Wolf, the founder of the dynasty, was connected with betrayal and thus guilty of the catastrophic result of the Kosovo battle…

JOHN: Do you think that we would be in better position if we work with Obrenovic dynasty, Sir?

LORD: Well, Obrenovic dynasty brand is better than that of the Brankovic dynasty, but, on the other hand, Prince Milos and King Milan were such womanizers nobody knows how many of their decedents are wondering around. Enough to fill Lichtenstein, I believe. No, John, we can deal with a few pretenders, but more than five is risky business.

JOHN: What do you suggest, Sir?

LORD: Find me a descendent of the Nemanjic dynasty, John. I am increasing the budget for that operation. Do you know what we can do with a brand new Nemanjic?

JOHN: I can assume, Sir.

LORD: No, John, you can’t. All of Serbia will follow an authentic Nemanjic. The dynasty is so strong that recent pretenders would have no other choice than to remove themselve and give way to the big boys. Even left orientated political parties could only sing “L'Internationale” and nothing else.

JOHN: Yes, Sir.

LORD: What do we have next?

JOHN: Slovakia, Sir.

LORD: Another pain in the ass, John. Those Slovaks weren’t able to establish their own dynasty in a thousand year period and now I have to find for them an heir to the throne by tomorrow. Ok, see what you can do with Pribin. Mojmir drove him away from Nitra in 833, but he didn’t castrate him.

Sound of new SMS on cell phone. JOHN is taking his cell phone from pocket.

JOHN: It is our man in Croatia, Sir.

LORD: What does he want?

JOHN: He has found some new facts about the conflict between Miroslav and Kresimir II before year 949.

LORD: Any details?

JOHN: He sent it by E-mail, Sir. Also, he asks for further instructions as soon as possible.

LORD rises from chair.

LORD: OK, I will to see it... It seems that I was a monster in my previous life so now I am punished with clients such as Croatia. It is pity that America had no kings. I would be millionaire..

JOHN: I might remind you that America had kings and some of them were made of more solid material than the European, African and Asian dynasties we are working with, Sir.

LORD: I agree, John. Motecuhzoma was a brilliant ruler, but who will buy it? Aztecs market doesn’t exist. I bet more than half of Americans think that Axayacatl is new brand of peanut butter. Another half believes that it is title of one of Woody Allen's movies... No, John, we shouldn’t loose contact with reality. I agree that Ramses was more of a king than all German dynasties together, but old Egypt doesn’t exist anymore. Germans exist and, what is more important, they have money. So, we will not waste our time with old Egypt, but we will do our best to satisfy our German customers.

JOHN: Isn’t it sad, Sir? As Byzant is...

LORD: Good example, John, very good example. When you think about the Byzantines, you see millions of business opportunities generated from more than a thousand years of brilliant history. But when you start to calculate, you see that nobody cares about the Byzantine Empire. Who would like to posses an heir to the Byzantine throne?

JOHN: On the other hand, Sir, if you agree...

LORD: I can agree with everything you say, but such a fellow would only occupy somebody’s place in stock for nothing and generate unnecessary expenses. OK, let’s see what we have in the mail from Croatia...

From the right side is coming KING OF SPADES. KING OF SPADES is semi-drunk.

LORD: May I wish a good afternoon to Your Majesty?

KING OF SPADES: You have our permission, Lord.

LORD: Good afternoon, Your Majesty.

KING OF SPADES: Hi... And what is happening with you?

JOHN: Good afternoon, Your Majesty...

KING OF SPADES: We had not afternoon on our mind; we were expecting you to bring us something to drink. You will join us, Lord?

LORD: Your wish is my command, Your Majesty. John.

KING OF SPADES: Double for us, John.

JOHN: Yes, Your Majesty.

JOHN leaves.

LORD: Would you excuse me for a minute, Your Majesty?

KING OF SPADES: If you don’t return in five minutes, you will be beheading.

LORD leaves too. KING OF SPADES is alone. He takes a hip flask from his pocket and wants to drink, but the hip flask is empty.Then he wants to take the bottle from the hiding place behind the books, but in that moment KING OF DIAMONDS arrives along with SERVANT who take his luggage.

SCENE 2: BLUE AS RED SEA

SERVANT: I will take your luggage to your apartment, Your majesty.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Ok, boy, just do your job...

SERVANT takes luggage and leaves. KINGS observe each other.

KING OF SPADES: Fresh royal blood?

KING OF DIAMONDS: Blue as the Red Sea.

KING OF SPADES: Welcome, colleague.

KING OF DIAMONDS: You are also a king?

KING OF SPADES: Technically, I’m the only potential heir of the throne, but they treat us as kings to get used to the position.

KING OF DIAMONDS: It’s interesting.

KING OF SPADES: We are all majesties here, besides Lord, our trainers and the servants. Should we have a drink?

KING OF DIAMONDS: I don’t know, isn’t it to early for a drink?

KING OF SPADES: Perhaps for you, I wouldn’t complicate international relations and make life more complex just for a few hours up or down.

KING OF DIAMONDS: If you say so.

KING OF SPADES (clapping his shoulders): That’s the spirit! We like you! It is good to be in good relations with any majesty because our dynasty does not care too much for diplomacy mumbo jumbo like that. If we like somebody, we will do everything for him, but if not, our troops will attack without declaration of war.

LORD arrives and deliberately coughs. It is a long and artificial cough.

KING OF SPADES: See, Lord, we told you a hundred times not to put so many ice cubes in your whiskey, but you are too stubborn to accept advice and we are speaking about two bad consequences now, botha diluted drink and a sore throat.

LORD: I ask Your Majesty for forgiveness, but Your Majesty knows that house rules do not accept the threat of war as a topic for conversation.

KING OF SPADES: See, colleague, since the Magna Carta we are faced with constant limitations on our sovereignty. I have said many times that John Lackland was not a king but an asshole... And where is recent asshole John with our drink?

LORD: I noted that the weather is nice and I felt free to order John to serve us drinks on terrace.

KING OF SPADES: After two double drinks any weather is nice, Lord, there is no need to go outside.

KING OF SPADES is leaving.

LORD: I hope that Your Majesty had a nice flight.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Long, but pleasant enough.

LORD: I believe...

Sound of new SMS on cell phone interrupts him. LORD takes his cell phone phone from his pocket.

LORD: Excuse me, Your Majesty...

LORD reads message. It is obviously something bad.

LORD: I am sorry, Your Majesty, but... Your Majesty must be tired from your flight. Please get some rest, refresh yourself and I will be free to join you latter.

KING OF DIAMONDS: I am not so tired...

LORD: Your Majesty is showing brilliant spirit, but there is no need to...

LORD is ringing and one of servants is coming.

LORD: Boy, show His Majesty where his apartment is...

KING OF DIAMONDS: You are boss...

KING OF DIAMONDS and SERVANT are leaving. They meet BLACK QUEEN.

BLACK QUEEN: Sorry to disturb you, my Lord, I am just passing by. Black King asked me to read him his future from my cards, but the Queen of Hearts hide the knave of spades and two of clubs to avoid bad luck. I have to find them…

BLACK QUEEN is looking for cards among books.

BLACK QUEEN: I shouldn’t have told her what the knave of spades and two of clubs mean in fortune telling…

LORD: Your Majesty should use the royal plural when she is talking…

BLACK QUEEN: We know, my Lord, but we forget when we pay no attention…

In this moment JOHN brings in CUSTOMER and KING OF CLUBS.

JOHN: His Majesty King of Clubs, her Excellency…

CUSTOMER: Shut up, you jester…

BLACK QUEEN is putting the book back in library and leaves.

BLACK QUEEN: We will find those cards latter…

KING OF CLUBS: My Lord, we strongly protest against the prime minister and his

camarilla because of their way of treating me in such a “sans-culottes” manner.

LORD: John, please take him away from my sight, I can’t look at him… (To Customer).

Take a sit, please. Cigar?

JOHN is taking KING OF CLUBS away. CUSTOMER sits and takes cigar from box on table.

LORD: Should we have a drink?

CUSTOMER: Double one. I would have a cognac, you better take a poison.

LORD rings a bell. SERVANT will discreetly serve them and leave when JOHN comes back.

LORD: What was the problem?

CUSTOMER: You didn’t read the newspaper, or watch TV?

LORD: I do, but mostly National Geographic.

CUSTOMER: Why are you pretending that you don’t understand what I am talking about? Didn’t you know that your product had imagined that he would be a ruler? It was not enough for him to sit on the throne and receive two million per year, but he wanted power. Didn’t you hear the speech he made in Parliament?

LORD: Archimedes! Every ass immersed on a throne displaces equal weight of brain.

CUSTOMER: Bullshit! You are mocking, Lord, but we were barely able to avoid a war.

LORD: I know, but it is your third reclamation this year. King of Clubs is the third sovereign which you are returning as an error. I have the impression that you simply don’t know how to maintain kings.

CUSTOMER: And I have the impression that you didn’t do your job and that you are delivering semi-finished goods. You didn’t finish your job with King of Cubes, neither with his uncles.

LORD: Fatigue.

CUSTOMER: What do you mean with “fatigue”?

LORD: The dynasty is more than a thousand years old, they were familiar with incest and it is normal that genes became a little bit thinner. We can’t make silk from a pig’s ear or jumbo jet from the bat, even with the most sophisticated technology. We can’t dream about supersonic speed, we should be happy if it takes off and lands in one piece.

CUSTOMER: Really? Then why did we pay the price of a space shuttle?

LORD: I was trying to explain it in a plastic way.

CUSTOMER: I prefer more constructive approach.

LORD: Should we try another model? Between the fourteenth and sixteenth century you had another dynasty and I maybe could try...

CUSTOMER: Out of question. We built our political platform on one certain dynasty from very beginning. We can’t turn our coat now when we were crying that only the dynasty of Clubs could save the country from the thousand years curse.

LORD: What do you suggest?

CUSTOMER: Repair the idiot. ... Do what ever you want, but I expect him usable in six weeks. Usable in the way expected by people who paid in advance. By the way, we are speaking about the same people who had another plan how to grab our mineral resources before you proposed to them this allegedly less expensive and more efficient plan.

LORD: Well, six weeks...

CUSTOMER: According to our tradition, six weeks is the period in which a future king should spend in spiritual preparations for the throne. In six weeks he should exit from isolation and tell us that he is ready to accept the burden of a ruler’s responsibility. Otherwise, we will have a big problem.

LORD: I see...

CUSTOMER: Good, because we would be forced to share our problem with you, my friend. We are sharing everything with our friends, both good things and bad things. I suppose that it is an unchangeable part of our mentality and what we owe to our tradition. Six weeks.

CUSTOMER isstandng.

LORD: What about the uncles of Clubs?

CUSTOMER: They are incorrigible. The official version will be that during the spiritual preparations they didn’t get any direct sign from heaven and that they had decided to spend the rest of their lives in a monastery in further search for something else. Is it clear?

LORD: Of course, six weeks...

CUSTOMER: I knew that we would understand each other. We are very fond of understanding, regardless of all nastiness which the world press is publishing about us...

LORD: Of course...

CUSTOMER: I can imagine what they would write if they knew more than what is tip of the iceberg...

LORD: Don’t worry, you will satisfy.

CUSTOMER: Good for you. Goodbye...

LORD: Goodbye... John, please accompany the lady (gentleman) to heliport...

CUSTOMER and JOHN are leaving. LORD takes drink and swallows it in one gulp.

LORD: He will break the sound barrier in six weeks even if I have to personally to install a propeller in his ass...

SCENE 3: KNAVE OF SPADES AND TWO OF CLUBS

BLACK QUEEN peeps out from right side.

BLACK QUEEN: Is this the right moment to disturb you, my Lord?

LORD: Did you see it in your cards, Your Majesty?

BLACK QUEEN: No, my Lord, we can read it from your face. You are fully faded.

LORD: Fine, Your Majesty.

BLACK QUEEN: Would you like us to read your future from your palm?

LORD: What is wrong with your cards?

BLACK QUEEN: We still have not found them all; we didn’t find the knave of spades or the two of clubs. On the other hand, we do not need cards to tell you that you are working too hard and that need more rest.

LORD: What can this servant do for you?

BLACK QUEEN: Thank you, my Lord, I am fine. We should try to find our missing cards if you don’t mind...

LORD: I am crossing my fingers for Your Majesty...

LORD rings. BLACK QUEEN approaches the library, she is looking behind books. She notices bottle, but she pay no attention on it. One SERVANT is coming.

LORD: Bring the newcomer here.

SERVANT: Yes my Lord.

SERVANT is leaving. BLACK QUEEN is opening one book and finds cards there.

LORD: How did you know that was where the Queen of Hearts would hide the cards?

BLACK QUEEN: When you persuade people that you are the best fortune-teller all over the world for forty years, you can’t stay Doubting Thomas. We would say that we are the collateral victim of our own power of persuasion...

LORD is taking the book from QUEEN’S hands.

LORD: Romeo and Juliet?

BLACK QUEEN: Queen of Hearts is so young, and so romantic...

KING OF DIAMONDS is entering.

BLACK QUEEN: Oh, Lord, who is this handsome young man?

LORD: Her Majesty Black Queen... And we will call you King of Diamonds while you are here.

KING OF DIAMONDS: You are the boss...

BLACK QUEEN: How sweet, he still has no royal manners... We will some day tell Your Majesty a story about the manners we had after we came here from the international circus Corona where we were a star...

KING OF DIAMONDS: I am looking forward to hear it, Your Majesty...

BLACK QUEEN: He learns quickly, my Lord. I would like to stay with you, gentleman, but Black King is waiting for his fortune-telling seance. Between us, Your Majesty, Black King is a completely unbearable pest. I have to tell him stories just to keep his mind occupied; otherwise he will hang around and bother everybody. You are so sweet...

BLACK QUEEN pinches KING’S cheek and leaves.

SCENE 4: DENTIST, FRENCH AND BON TONE

LORD: Your Majesty has charmed Her Majesty. Should we sit down?

They sit in chairs.

KING OF DIAMONDS: You don’t have to make up for me.

LORD: I am afraid that I didn’t understand Your Majesty.

KING OF DIAMONDS: You should simply say what I have to do and I will do that. You are the boss here.

LORD: I am just your servant ready to meet your orders, Your Majesty.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Then we could discuss some small raise...

LORD: I wouldn’t go so far...

KING OF DIAMONDS: See? A few days ago I didn’t know that one of my ancestors was a king and the only kings I cared about were those on playing cards. OK sometimes I play chess. I am a practical man, boss, you are paying me and to earn my salary I am doing what you say.

LORD: His Majesty could call me Lord.

KING OF DIAMONDS: If you say so, Lord.

LORD: The reason why His Majesty is here is training of his spirit and talents...

KING OF DIAMONDS: I told you that you don’t have to make up for me, Lord.

LORD: If His Majesty agrees, that is part of the training too. His Majesty has to adjust himself to the way he would communicate in new circumstances.

KING OF DIAMONDS: I...

LORD: Kings use plural, they don’t say „I“ but „we“ when they are speaking about themselves.

KING OF DIAMONDS: We see that if our majesty is paid to speak like a sissy, they should speak like a sissy. Is it OK?

LORD: As Her Majesty noticed, Your Majesty learns quickly. Before training, Your Majesty will pass medical tests and everything what should be improved will be improved. At the same time, Your Majesty will have to work in the gym to achieve the best possible physical condition...

KING OF DIAMONDS: You will save some money on that step, Lord. We are coming from the police where we had to care about health and conditioning.

LORD: Very good, it means that we should do only dentistal work and other trifles.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Our majesty doesn’t like dentists. Should we speak about a raise as compensation for the dental drill?

LORD: Out of the question. After physical improvements, His Majesty will learn what royal persons should know – general history, national history, diplomacy, heraldry...

KING OF DIAMONDS picks his ear.

LORD: Also basic manners, I am afraid...

KING OF DIAMONDS: Are you sure that we will need all of that?

LORD: Of course. Our brand doesn’t allow us to deliver a king who doesn’t know that Bloody Mary isn’t only vodka with tomato juice and spices, but also an English queen from the Tudor dynasty.

KING OF DIAMONDS:

Our majesty never liked to go to school...

LORD: His Majesty was in a position to be ignorant as anidler from a suburb but he is heir to a throne now. Noblesse oblige.

KING OF DIAMONDS: French language above all! OK, what will happen when the dentist finishes with our tooth and when we learn what we should know about Bloody Mary?

LORD: Your majesty will have a monthly income which will allow Your Majesty to live wherever he wants and in the way he wants until the time comes.

KING OF DIAMONDS: And when is the time coming?

LORD: Maybe in a week, maybe never. Anyway, when Your Majesty completes training, Your Majesty could dispose with his time until somebody pays me for Your Majesty.

KING OF DIAMONODS: Who is paying?

LORD: Anyone who can afford what is written in my pricelist.

KING OF DIAMONDS: And why he is paying?

LORD: In most cases because he is mobilizing the masses and wants a rise to power. Sometimes royal blood is necessary to maintain power or as an argument in negotiations with power. Sometimes somebody needs a throne to make a shadow that will hide a real ruler. Sometimes it is question of glamour or vulgar showing off. Of course, we have had some bizarre orders as, for example, when the Emirates were asking Plantagenet for breeding.

JOHN is entering. He is visibly shaken.

JOHN: I am afraid that I have to report accident, Sir.

LORD: Not another unhappy customer, John, I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

JOHN: Sir, I am afraid that his majesty King of Spades had fallen from the terrace and he died.

LORD: Bloody mother fucking idiot!

LORD runs from stage followed by KING OF DIAMONDS and JOHN.

SCENE 5: HAMLET’S FATHER’S GHOST

BLACK QUEEN is entering from other side. She suddenly stops. She is watching – for a moment as she saw somebody invisible to the audience.

BLACK QUEEN: Hi....

Nothing happens. BLACK QUEEN keeps an eye on invisible moving creature.

BLACK QUEEN: Hiding will not help you, I know that you are here. I won’t be a brighter star than Carmen, who was the best dancer on the trapeze and a much bigger attraction than the woman with a beard in the international circus Corona. If I wasn’t what I am…

BLACK QUEEN follows invisible creature.

BLACK QUEEN: I will not leave you alone until you tell me why you came here and what you want…

BLACK QUEEN follows invisible creature and leaves the stage.

SCENE 6: GUARD! GUARD!

The scene is empty for a second or two. LORD, JOHN and KING OF DIAMONDS are entering. LORD sits in chair, JOHN and KING are standing.

LORD: Are you sure?

KING OF DIAMONDS: Absolutely. The drunk majesty didn’t fall from the terrace. Somebody pushed him.

LORD: Impossible…

KING OF DIAMONDS: I found bruises on his back. Somebody has to push very hard to unbalance such a body. In fact, it was more hit than pushing.

LORD: I can’t believe…

KING OF DIAMONDS: Dear Lord, we have been a majesty for less than day, but we made our living as a police officer for more than twenty years. We saw such bruises many times in our previous career.

LORD: Than I have to trust to your judgment.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Somebody simply used an opportunity. His majesty was so drunk that everybody should conclude that he had fallen by accident. We can bet that the local police will even not order an autopsy.

JOHN: Should I call the local police, Sir?

LORD: We have no other choice, John. Do it.

JOHN leaves.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Don’t worry, Lord, we will find the murderer. We would like to stay in top form. It is nice to be a king, but you never know when a revolution can come and leave you unemployed.

There are some strange noises from the left side. BLACK QUEEN runs to stage excited.

LORD: What’s going on there?

BLACK QUEEN: They are fighting, my Lord.

LORD: Who?

BLACK QUEEN: Black King and White King…

LORD: For God’s sake, what a day! Guard! Guard!

LORD runs left.

BLACK QUEEN: I was reading the future from the cards for Black King and than White King came into the room. Black King hit the roof because of the interruption in the middle of the seance and swooped on White King. White King fought back and they are enjoying it now...

KING OF DIAMONDS: Enjoying?

BLACK QUEEN: Of course they do. They can’t stand each other. They had hate at the first sight.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Do they have a reason for this hate?

BLACK QUEEN: No, if you have in mind something from history. As far as I know, they never were in a war, one dynasty never abducted a bride from another one or something like that. Their hate is pure chemistry.

KING OF DIAMONDS: I know what you mean, I had the same kind of relations with my lieutenant.

SCENE 7: ROMEO, WHY YOU ARE ROMEO?

QUEEN and KING OF HEARTS are entering from right side. He is holding her hand.

KING OF HEARTS: We would like to see Lord. Where is he?

LORD and JOHN are entering from left side.

LORD: Always at your service, Your Majesty.

KING OF HEARTS: It’s good because we need your service, my Lord.

LORD: I am waiting for Your Majesty’s orders.

KING OF HEARTS: We made our decision, my Lord. I have decided to abdicate.

LORD: Speaking technically, Your Majesty, you can’t abdicate now. You could do it after coronation.

KING OF HEARTS: And what is the term if I don’t want to be heir to the throne any more?

KING OF DIAMONDS: The fool if we consider how generously Lord pays us.

LORD: What Your Majesty has on his mind?

KING OF HEARTS: We are in love. It is obvious, isn’t it?

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Our love is the most loving love ever.

BLACK QUEEN: How sweet!

LORD: If I understand Your Majesty, you are saying that, your love is so strong that Your Majesty is ready to renounce the throne if it is the throne that separates you from Queen of Hearts.

KING OF HEARTS: Correct.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: If Edward VIII chose Wallis Simpson, choosing between her and his throne, I don’t see why somebody should be surprised when Kitty Sweetie rejects a crown because of me. I am more hot than Wallis Simpson was, am I not, Kitty Sweetie?

KING OF HEARTS: Yes, Sweetie Kitty, you are...

LORD: It means that Your Majesty will also renounce the throne?

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Who wants to be a queen? Besides, I am republican.

KING OF DIAMONDS: I don’t understand why they have to abdicate because they are in love.

LORD: In the last fifteen centuries their countries have often been at war. In the best case - between wars.

KING OF DIAMONDS: But when you become king you can stop the war, can’t you?

KING OF HEARTS: You are kidding, one of my grandfathers almost was forced to abdicate just because he had burned two blocks of the enemy’s capitol instead of burning it all.

LORD: If His Majesty wants to leave us I can say only that I will miss him. I suppose that His Majesty will cover his expenses in this castle?

KING OF HEARTS: Of course, prepare the bill.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: As soon as possible, because we would like to leave today.

LORD: I am afraid that Your Majesty can’t leave us today.

BLACK QUEEN: We will have a storm soon.

Thunder. Everybody is looking at BLACK QUEEN.

BLACK QUEEN: Nothing paranormal, just bones. Rheumatism, if you don’t mind.

The noises of storm will last until the very end of this day /act.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then we will leave tomorrow morning.

LORD: If Her Majesty can obtain necessary document by tomorrow morning.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: What do you mean?

LORD: I am afraid that Her Majesty is underage and that she can leave only with permission signed by her father.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: It is not fair!

LORD: Her Majesty’s father will otherwise cut off my head. He was quite explicit about the conditions of our agreement.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: I promise, Lord, if I ever sit on my throne, your execution will be high on my priority list.

KING OF HEARTS: Don’t be rude, Sweetie Kitty!

QUEEN OF HEARTS: I hate to be rude, Kitty Sweetie, but he deserves to burn at the stake...

One SERVANT is coming and whispers to JOHN’S ear. JOHN whispers to LORD’S ear.

LORD: Bloody mother fucking idiot!

LORD runs left, JOHN is following him.

KING OF DIAMONDS: What’s going on?

SERVANT is silent. KING OF DIAMONDS takes his police badge and waves with it in front of servant’s nose.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Sing now or I will arrest you for obstructing investigation.

SERVANT: His Majesty King of Clubs has been hanged in his room.

KING OF DIAMONDS: Sweet chariot!

He runs left. No movement and silence on the stage for a few seconds.

BLACK QUEEN: I don’t see why you lovers shouldn’t stay here in the castle for a month or two until your next birthday, sweetheart. Nobody bans you from loving each other here. Besides, the food and accommodation are more than acceptable.

KING OF HEARTS: I think that it is wise advice, Sweetie Kitty.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: What if you become king before my lawful age? You know that your father had two strokes.

LORD, JOHN and KING OF DIAMONDS are back. LORD is angry, he is crumpling piece of paper in his hands and then tearing it into pieces which he is throwing away.

LORD: Bloody mother fucking idiot! He left a suicide note! What was he thinking? That I am going to provide it to the editors of history textbooks? No, my dear, history will never have either your name nor that silly letter. From this moment on, you are just an anonymous piece of general oblivion...

LORD falls into chair. KING OF DIAMONDS crouches and collects pieces of letter.

KING OF DIAMONTS: For god’s sake, Lord, you can’t treat like that something what could be evidence...

KING OF DIAMONDS leaves.

BLACK QUEEN (To KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS): Kids, should we go to kitchen to have a cup of hot chocolate? I am very curios to hear the story about the beginning of your love...