The Xenophobe's Guide to the Aussies E-Book

Ken Hunt

• Herausgeber: Xenophobe's Guides
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Serie: Xenophobe's Guides
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2008

Seitenzahl: 99

Beschreibung

A guide to understanding the Aussies which takes an insightful, laconic look at their character and attitudes.

Das E-Book wird angeboten von und wurde mit folgenden Begriffen kategorisiert:

Leseprobe

Contents

Title Page

Nationalism & Identity

Character

Behaviour

Beliefs & Values

Manners

Obsessions

Government

Leisure & Pleasure

Sense of Humour

Health & Hygiene

Tucker & Grog

Custom & Tradition

Crime & Punishment

Business

Systems

Cultcha

Language

About the Author

Copyright

If you were to impose a map of Oz over a map of Europe, it would stretch from Madrid almost to Moscow. Australia’s land mass may be more than twice the size of India but its overall population density is very low – six people per square mile (as opposed to 937 per square mile in India), with 85% of them living in urban areas, and 21% found in Sydney alone.

The Australian population is 21 million, compared with 4 million Kiwis, 62 million British, 127 million Japanese, 240 million Indonesians, and around 307 million Americans. 

Nationalism & Identity

Forewarned

Never make the error of underestimating the Aussies. They are friendly, laid-back and laconic, and they love to portray a casual disregard for everything around them, but no-one accidentally achieves a lifestyle as relaxed as theirs. Their character reflects this inconsistency between attitude and lifestyle – nothing is what it seems.

“Aussies love to portray a casual disregard for everything around them, but no-one accidentally achieves a lifestyle as relaxed as theirs.”

Living in a country described by one Australian Prime Minister as the ‘arse-end of the world’ suggests that the inhabitants might be a little odd. In fact, Aussies believe that it is those unfortunate enough to live elsewhere who are ‘one brick short of a load’. However, outsiders are pretty well convinced that you would need to be a little odd to actually live there. If you doubt it, they will suggest you cast your mind back to the last game of Aussie Rules Football you witnessed. This is the sport the Aussies call their own – with pride.

Aussies do not go in for an emotional display of national flags and songs, except at sporting events. The groundswell of patriotic fervour that is periodically whipped up by the press and politicians is kept well concealed. There is no need to tell other Aussies how great the country is, they already know – and who else is there worth convincing?

At official functions a brave attempt is made to sing the national anthem, but as nobody knows all the words except politicians – and most people consider them to be ‘scumbags’ – few are really bothered.

“At official functions, a brave attempt is made to sing the national anthem.”

The national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, was chosen by the Government after a competition. It defeated the much more upbeat Waltzing Matilda*, since even a nation founded by convicts drew the line at a national anthem about a swagman (someone who roams around finding work as a sheep shearer or a farm hand) who kills a sheep (a hanging offence), then avoids arrest by drowning himself in a billabong (pond). Nevertheless, at unofficial occasions everyone will burst into a rousing rendition of Waltzing Matilda. After all, no bloody politician is going to tell an Aussie what song to sing.  

Bordering on the ridiculous

Being so isolated from the rest of the world it would be reasonable to assume that a feeling of unity existed among the inhabitants. However, this is far from the truth and you will quickly discover that patriotism manifests itself in an intense rivalry between the country’s six states.

“The place is so desolate and dry, their crows have to fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes.”

Name-calling is the Aussie way of dealing with this situation and, no matter how disparaging, each state wears its label with pride. South Australians are called ‘crow eaters’, no doubt from some early reflection on the poor farming quality of much of the northern part of that state. The place is so desolate and dry, their crows have to fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes.

Western Australians have accepted the title of ‘sandgropers’. They have even invented a stuffed toy ‘sandgroper’ to cash in on their name. It is sold to raise funds for charity. There are plenty of advantages in living in a border to border sand pit but an abundance of water is not one of them.

The other states have names that change from time to time. People from Queensland – the one state that really is different from all the others, with its rain forests, lush coastal strips, Great Barrier Reef and bananas – are not surprised by the epithet ‘banana benders’. Queenslanders call those from New South Wales ‘Mexicans’, because they are south of the border. Mainlanders believe that inbreeding is rife among the ‘Taswegians’ in Tasmania, which is often omitted from maps of Australia.

“Inter-state rivalry is typified by the annual State of Origin Rugby League battles. By comparison, the Roman arena was a place for wimps.”

Competition between states is spirited. Naturally the state you live in has the best beer, the best places to run a business and, by far most important, the best sporting teams. Inter-state rivalry is typified by the annual State of Origin Rugby League battles between Queensland and New South Wales. By comparison, the Roman arena was a place for wimps, and if a rugby league player is rendered temporarily insensible, play continues regardless.

Special relationships

One nation of people that has a special place in the hearts of Aussies is the Kiwis, but only because, being so close, the Aussies can’t ignore them as much as they would like. The other is, of course, Britain.

Ever since Britain started dumping her undesirables in Australia, she has been seen in a parental light. The first arrivals wore clothing emblazoned with POHMIE (Prisoners of His Majesty in Exile). The fact that the English are still called ‘Pommies’ today is not to be taken as an insult. Well, it is an insult but an Aussie will only insult a friend, so it doesn’t count.

There was some economic pain when, after centuries of preferential trading with Australia, Britain turned to Europe, but this did not lead to animosity towards the Brits. It was all down to the ‘pollies’ (politicians) and every Aussie knows that politicians have no connection with real people and real issues.

“The best use Britain serves is to provide victims for the usually invincible Aussie cricket team.”

Anyway, the Oz economy is now ripping along, helped by China and Japan wanting their ore. Britain is no longer considered important. The best use it serves is to provide victims for the usually invincible Aussie cricket team now and again.

How they see themselves

In the 1950s and ’60s the English media carried advertisements promoting immigration to Australia by way of an assisted passage. The typical Aussie man was portrayed as young, big, bronzed and spending all day at the beach. The Aussie woman was young, shapely, bronzed and spent all day at the beach. These advertisements lured many unsuspecting Poms to their doom. For their ten quid fare they had to endure at least two years down under. During these two years many lost the will to return. Aussies were happy to have their trials of life portrayed as glamorous. Their attitude was that anyone stupid enough to fall for such a line deserved to live in Australia. Compassion has never been a strong point.

“For Australians, too much sport is never enough. What’s more, sport is about winning, none of this taking part nonsense.”

In the 1980s, Australian television carried a government health campaign ‘Life – be in it’, including a sort of Aussie anti-hero. His name was Norm. He was 30–40 years old and had a huge pot belly. He sat in front of the television all day watching sport. Beer in hand, of course. Bronzed Aussies and ‘Norms’ co-exist happily, sometimes in the same body – after all, surf clubs do serve beer. Apart from the pseudo-intellectual ‘Chardonnay set’, Aussies nowadays seem to have little interest in an image, other than to be seen as a great sporting nation.

For Australians, too much sport is never enough. What’s more, sport is about winning, none of this taking part nonsense. When Aussie Rules was played only in the state of Victoria, crowds of 100,000 would turn out for big matches. When the Olympics are on, all Aussie newspapers will have tables showing medals won per head of population, thus conclusively proving that they beat the Americans – statistically at least. If defeat is undeniable, then such a small population could never have been expected to win. If victory is achieved, then what a wonderful feeling for the underdog to have downed the mightier foe.

How they would like others to see them

Aussies would like to replace the outworn image of their beloved country being a convict settlement. They’re not crooks, they’re people with initiative. They would like others to see them as rightful world leaders in independent thinking. Suggest to an Aussie that they come from the breeding stock of criminals and they will be quick to point out that the stock was imported mainly from England. Further, they regret to this day that they couldn’t afford the criminal class of a better country.

“Aussies would like to replace the outworn image of their beloved country being a convict settlement. They’re not crooks, they’re people with initiative.”

In any case, in the 70 or so years of transportation, only 160,000 convicts arrived. It’s a drop in the ocean compared with the number of free immigrants. However, the fact that much of the present citizenry grew from deportees and fortune hunters (the quick-buck gold seekers of the 19th century) is not entirely lost on the population. These are seen as rugged individualists whose initiative was crucial for the development of a vast, harsh country.

If the odd entrepreneur or pollie ends up back in the clink, even that’s no sweat. When former New South Wales Minister Rex ‘Buckets’ Jackson was in Berrima jail for financial indiscretions, his signed woodwork was in great demand in the prison shop.

How they see others

Australia is home to 21 million people, about 3% of whom are descendants of the original indigenous people. After Israel, it is the most multi-cultural nation in the world. Almost any nationality you can name is represented there – British, Irish, Italians, Greeks, Slavs, Dutch, Germans, Spanish, Poles, Vietnamese, Indians, Lebanese, Turks, Chinese – and all have taught the Aussies their own brand of international relations. The rapid increase in Asian arrivals is even forcing this former European outpost to recognise its geographical reality as an annex to Asia.

“At any given time about one million Australians are overseas and this is not just the ones on the beach in Bali.”

Statistically, 40% of Aussies was born overseas, or at least one of their parents was. In addition to their global family links, at any given time about one million Australians are overseas and this is not just the ones on the beach in Bali. Apart from the ubiquitous backpackers, Aussies are working in creative industries in London, teaching surfing in Biarritz, selling fajitas in Costa Rica, and many end up behind bars – cocktail, that is. The vast majority return home eventually, enriched by their experience but also even more convinced that Oz is the place to live.

Australian broadsheets all have international sections, while television often leads with foreign items. There is a whole TV channel – the Special Broadcasting System (SBS) – devoted to ‘ethnic’ programmes, where you can watch everything from the news in Indonesian to documentaries about tractor factories in Uzbekistan. Admittedly, SBS does not have the same ratings as Neighbours.

“Aussies often think of other nations in terms of their cuisine.”

Multi-culturalism has revolutionised the food scene, so Aussies often think of other nations in terms of the food they cook. Thus the French are difficult but may be worth the effort if you persevere. Italians are full of flavour but a bit unreliable