To Hell With the Diet E-Book

Aubrey Malone

• Herausgeber: THP Ireland
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014

Seitenzahl: 72

Beschreibung

In chapters entitled 'The Hell of Healthy Food', 'Why you Shouldn't Diet', 'The Light-hearted Side of Weight', 'Daft Diets', and 'Food Philosophy', Aubrey Malone has collected a hilarious compendium of witticisms on the greatness of grub, from thought-provoking reflections to laugh-out-loud observations. This handy, pocket-sized book is a must-have for all those guilty epicureans and gorging gourmets wanting some food for thought.

Leseprobe

Contents

Title

1.

Why You Shouldn’t Diet

2.

Exercising (… One’s Right Not To)

3.

Pills, Operations and Doctors

4.

The Hell of Healthy Food

5.

Favourite Foods

6.

The Joy of Chocolate

7.

The Art of Cooking

8.

Meals

9.

Eating Out and World Cuisine

10.

Food and Sex

11.

Daft Diets

12.

The Light-Hearted Side of Weight

13.

Food Philosophy

Copyright

1

Why You Shouldn’t Diet

Don’t diet – all you’ll lose is your sanity.

John Candy

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it. The bigger we are, the more space we’ll take up and the more we’ll have to be reckoned with.

Roseanne

Don’t ever forget: 75 per cent of the word ‘diet’ is ‘die’.

Ruth Bryant

The whole of nature is a conjugation of the verb ‘to eat’.

William Inge

We’re not designed to ingest 150 different varieties of vitamins each day, to wear down our knee joints by jogging miles and miles each week, to get up at the crack of dawn to do our keep fit exercises, to conquer the corporate Mount Everest at breakfast time, to notch up more sexual conquests than Don Juan during his prime. Does that symbol of all we hold dear, the British bulldog, worry about additives in its food, impressing its neighbours, making friends and influencing people? No, it just wants a warm home, a generous provider and to be left to its own devices between meals.

Rosemary Barr

It took a lot of willpower but I finally gave up trying to diet.

Louis Safian

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

George Bernard Shaw

Fat people don’t seem to age as much as thin ones, not when you get up close and inspect the damage.

Hunter Davies

Fat generally tends to make a man a better husband. His wife is happy in the knowledge she’s not married to a woman-chaser. Few fat men chase girls because they get winded so easily.

Hal Boyle

Dieting can’t work. The pleasant habits of eating and drinking were never meant to be subject to a chemical equation.

Lord Horder

I need starch and sweets and alcohol because I enjoy them. I’m damned if I’m going to upset my metabolism and thereby my happiness by straining after a youthful line. If my nerves are cosily enclosed in enough fatty tissue to keep them from twitching, the people near me are also more likely to be happy. I would really rather be fat than disagreeable.

Noel Coward

Man’s chief difference from brutes lies in the exuberant excess of his subjective propensities. Prune his extravagance, sober him and you undo him.

William James

The worst thing about most diets is that they lower the amount of food you’re supposed to ingest.

Robert Morley

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

I don’t want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

Mark Twain

Get some food into this man.

You can’t lead a country at 176 pounds.

Marlon Brando on John F. Kennedy after they both weighed themselves together; Brando came in at 187 pounds

Today’s beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paperclip. By such standards, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.

Dave Barry

It seems the only way to have a healthy life nowadays is not to eat. Starve to death. At least when you’re dying you’ll know it isn’t of anything serious.

Dave Allen

Thin people are beautiful but fat ones are adorable.

Jackie Gleason

To ask women to become unnaturally thin is to ask them to relinquish their sexuality.

Naomi Wolf

There are now more overweight people in America than average weight people, so overweight people are now average.

Jay Leno

There was only one occasion in my life when I put myself on a strict diet and I can tell you, hand on heart, it was the most miserable afternoon I have ever spent.

Denis Norden

I’m a hypochondriac. When I go on a diet and lose weight, I think there’s something wrong with me.

Don Rickles

Why do people who work in health shops always look so unhealthy?

Victoria Wood

I think it’s really sad that a lot of women think ‘If I lose half a stone everything will be perfect’. It won’t. Everything will be exactly the same. You’ll just be a bit thinner.

Lorraine Kelly

Eating is our earliest metaphor, preceding our consciousness of gender difference, race, nationality and language. We eat before we talk.

Margaret Atwood

The first part of the body to lose weight in a fashionable diet is the brain.

Peter Gray

A woman’s body is in competition with every other female body on the planet as regards avoirdupois … and 99 per cent of the time she’s going to lose.

Serena Gray

There are an awful lot of skinny people in the cemetery.

Beverly Sills

Diets don’t suit me. I got addicted to the menu.

Mort Sahl

I’ve started to diet. I’m still a slob, but now I’m a thin slob.

Peter Dobereiner

Life is too damn short and food too damn good to waste time trying to convince folks that I’m worthy of respect simply because the day the good Lord chose to pass out extra helpings of hips and ass.

Mo’Nique

All a diet means for a man is that he eats oatmeal … as wellas everything else he always ate.

E.W. Howe

I’m so neurotic that I worry I’m going to lose weight when I go on a diet.

Grace Malloy

I like a man with a paunch.

Sandra Bullock

An elegant degree of plumpness is peculiar to the skin of the softer sex.

Edward Hogarth

Slim women may look slick but a fat woman stays. Ask any corset manufacturer.

Lennie Lower

When you buy two Big Macs for two bucks, it becomes cost efficient to be a fat bastard.

Jim Wyatt

The ingredients for anorexia are:1 cup low self-esteem, 2 cups self-control, ¼ cup determination, l½ cups strength, ½ cup solitude,2 tbsp routine, 3 tbsp secrecy and lies, 2tsp jealousy,3 tsp guilt, a dash of anger and 1 cup tears.

Internet entry

Let me have men around me who are fat.

William Shakespeare

I’m fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say ‘Fine – how was your lobotomy?’

Roseanne

I’m quite convinced that in about ten or twenty years’ time when you buy food, it will have a message on it saying ‘Warning: Food is Dangerous to Your Health’.

Dave Allen

When I was at my thinnest a few years ago I was miserable. Now I’ve put a lot of the weight back on and I’m comfortable with who I am. My real self is someone who eats too many pies. It doesn’t mean I’m secretly crying out for help.

Vanessa Feltz

Dieting makes you fat.

Geoffrey Cannon

There’s no use going on a diet if you have to starve yourself to death to live longer.

Colin Greene

Dieting results from television and radio ads that have made it seem wicked to cast a shadow. The emaciated look appeals to some women, though not too many men. They’re seldom seen pinning up a Vogue illustration in a machine shop.

Peg Bracken

I feel about aeroplanes the way I feel about diets. They’re wonderful things for other people to go on.

Jean Kerr

Not for me the heresies of healthy eating favoured by Edwina Currie, or the hypochondriacal fears of cholesterol.

Lord Hailsham

Women are born to be well-rounded and soft. Children love to snuggle into big-breasted women and so do most men.

Erin Pizzey

I’ve never followed a diet, never bought a diet book, never counted a calorie. Life’s too short. I could go to sleep on a bed of mashed potato.

Graham Norton

No one ever became a success in the world without a large bottom.

Adam Sedgwick

I hate skinny women, especially when they say things like ‘Sometimes I forget to eat’. I’ve forgotten my mother’s maiden name, I’ve forgotten my car keys, but you’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

Marsha Warfield

Nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.

Nora Ephron

I once went to one of those diet places to get in shape. Six hundred calories a day and decaf. Ugh!

Bette Davis

Most diets are crap.

Anne Diamond