To Wee or Not to Wee E-Book

Pamela Butchart

• Herausgeber: Nosy Crow
• Kategorie: Für Kinder und Jugendliche
• Serie: Baby Aliens
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 58

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

Hamlet could NEVER make his mind up about ANYTHING. And one time he actually went to school in just his pants and got sent home because he couldn't decide what to wear. When Izzy (star of The Spy Who Loved School Dinners) is asked to tell her friends some HILARIOUS and SCARY stories she knows exactly where to look: Shakespeare, the king of SUPER dramatic stuff. After learning about Macbeth (a STRONG solider who ate four bowls of porridge and twenty pieces of toast every morning) her friends want more. So Hamlet, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Romeo and Juliet all get the Izzy treatment. There's blood and guts, ghosty stuff, and plenty of people wandering around in their nighties. The perfect introduction to the Bard! Izzy's version of Macbeth originally appeared on the BBC Radio series 'Shakespeare Retold', read by actress Shirley Henderson (who played Moaning Myrtle in the Harry Potter films!).

Leseprobe

HAMLET

One time when we were playing Monopoly at Maisie’s house we couldn’t even get started because Zach COULD NOT decide if he wanted to be the hat or the car. And he kept saying stuff like, “But I like both. What should I do?” and “What if I pick the car and then I lose?” and “What if Jodi gets the car and she wins?”

Then Maisie’s mum came in and asked us if we would like pepperoni on our pizza and I said yes and so did Maisie and Jodi but Zach said that he wasn’t sure. And then he put his head in his hands because he couldn’t decide about the car OR the hat OR the pepperoni and it was

So that’s when I told Zach that he was being EXACTLY like HAMLET out of the Shakespeare play. And Zach said that he WASN’T and Maisie’s mum burst out laughing and said that he was, actually. Then Zach said that he

So I asked Zach if he knew who Hamlet was and he said he didn’t.

So that’s when I told Zach that Hamlet was the Prince of Denmark who had been at university for about twenty years because he couldn’t decide what to be when he grew up so just kept going back to college and doing LOADS of stuff like history and biology and hairdressing.

But one day when Hamlet came home to get his mum to do his washing for him he found out that his dad, the King of Denmark, had died. And then his mum told him that she was going on a date with his Uncle Claudius and that there was some left-over lasagne in the fridge.

Hamlet was FURIOUS because his mum didn’t even seem BOTHERED that his dad had died and also because she was going on a date with HIS UNCLE (which was TOTALLY WEIRD even though she was pretending that it wasn’t).

Hamlet’s mum and his Uncle Claudius got back from their date JUST in time for the king’s funeral and as SOON as the funeral finished Claudius went down on one knee and PROPOSED to Hamlet’s mum! Then he told all the funeral guests to just stay sitting down because they were about to get MARRIED and he was going to be the KING OF DENMARK!

Hamlet was totally SHOCKED because his uncle was about to become his STEPDADand also because HE was supposed to become King of Denmark. And he probably should have grabbed the minister’s microphone and shouted, “Mum! You CAN’T marry Dad’s BROTHER! That’s disgusting!” and also “I’M THE KING NOW!”

But Hamlet didn’t shout any of those things. He just sat there trying to decide what to do to stop the wedding until the minister said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” and it was too late.

After the Funeral-Wedding Hamlet went up to the castle roof and moaned for HOURS to his best friend, Horatio (who was very good at listening, which was a good thing because Hamlet talked a LOT).

Hamlet kept asking Horatio LOADS of questions like “What do you think I should do about the King thing?” and “Should I get the castle locks changed so Claudius can’t move in?” and “Should I become a hairdresser?”

But Horatio never got a chance to answer ANY of the questions because as SOON as Hamlet asked a question he ALWAYS asked ANOTHER one right away (which was very annoying).

But then all of a sudden a ghostly voice said, “You’ve been eating MY lasagne! I can smell it on your breath.”

And Hamlet

because he KNEW it was his Ghost Dad before he even turned around because lasagne was his dad’s most favourite thing.

Once the ghost stopped going on about never being able to eat lasagne EVER again, he said, “Hamlet, I am here to tell you that I was MURDERED by my own BROTHER!”

And then the ghost told Hamlet that Claudius had crept up on him when he was sleeping in the garden and poured POISONin his EAR! And that his ear was still a bit sore and itchy even though he was dead.

And then he said, “I need you to do two VERY IMPORTANT things for me. And you must do them because I am your Ghost Dad.”

That’s when he told Hamlet that he must AVENGE his death (which meant he wanted him to kill his uncle) and also that he was to bring him some lasagne so he could smell it and try to lick the air. And then he disappeared.

“What are you going to do?” said Horatio.

But Hamlet said that he didn’t know and that he needed a drink of juice first.

Then when he’d had his juice Horatio said, “What are you going to DO, Hamlet?” But Hamlet said that he wasn’t sure and that he needed to finish his jigsaw first (even though he probably shouldn’t have started a jigsaw when he was in the middle of trying to decide if he was going avenge his Ghost Dad’s death).

So Horatio waited until Hamlet finished his jigsaw and then asked him AGAIN. But Hamlet spotted a pigeon and said he needed to draw a picture of it first before he decided what to do. So Horatio just stopped asking him because he was OBVIOUSLY avoiding the question and had NO IDEA what he was going to do because he was a bit of a nightmare like that.

Hamlet could NEVER make his mind up about ANYTHING. And one time he actually went to school in just his pants and got sent home because he couldn’t decide what to wear.

Hamlet said he needed to be sure the ghost was telling the truth before he did the avenging and that he was going to

on his uncle to see if he was acting all GUILTY and SUSPICIOUS like a Brother Murderer would.

So Hamlet decided to PRETEND he was in a terrible mood and be MEAN to EVERYONE, even his girlfriend Ophelia, so that they would be so shocked by his bad behaviour that they wouldn’t notice the

Hamlet coughed on ALL the scrambled eggs at breakfast, left ALL the royal toilet seats up and made up a song about Claudius’s best friend Polonius looking like an evil guinea pig and sang it to him (even though Polonius was Ophelia’s dad so that was a bit of a bad idea).

EVERYONE was talking about how RUDEHamlet was now. And when anyone caught him SPYING on his uncle he would just call them the WORST name he could think of and they’d forget all about the spying.

And when poor Ophelia asked Hamlet if he still wanted to marry her, Hamlet said that he DEFINITELY DIDN’T and that she should probably just go away and become a NUN and that made Ophelia run away crying because she

Hamlet and also because she’d already bought her wedding dress and it was non-refundable.