Wedding Etiquette For Dummies E-Book

Sue Fox

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Bildung
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2009

Seitenzahl: 454

Beschreibung

Your expert guide to the dos and don'ts of getting married Your wedding should be fun, exciting, and worry-free-but most brides, grooms, and their families run into sticky situations or unique circumstances that surround etiquette. Now, there's a definitive guide that provides the solutionsfor all those dilemmas big and small. Wedding Etiquette For Dummies provides sound information and guidance-whether it's deciding how to handle divorced parents, inform guests of where the couple is registered, or tastefully incorporate new traditions into your ceremony and reception. You get plenty of proven advice and tips for everything from who pays for the wedding and properly announcing the engagement to hosting events leading up to the wedding and dealing with destination wedding snags and pitfalls. You'll even see how to gracefully handle wedding cancellations and postponements. * The dos and don'ts of wedding etiquette for any bride, groom, relatives, or friends of the marrying couple * Tips for proper behavior during the engagement, ceremony, and reception * Advice on dealing with the wedding party and opinionated or pushy in-laws * Special considerations for second (or more) marriages and military, ethnic, and religious weddings * How to set up a tasteful, interactive wedding website and write the all important thank you note * Sue Fox is the author of Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition and Business Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition Leaving no wedding dilemma uncovered, Wedding Etiquette For Dummies is your one-stop guide for having the wedding of your dreams without the stress!

Leseprobe

Wedding Etiquette For Dummies®

Table of Contents

Introduction

About This Book

Conventions Used in This Book

What You’re Not to Read

Foolish Assumptions

How This Book Is Organized

Part I: Engaging in Proper Wedding Etiquette from the Start

Part II: The Main Event: Planning Your Ceremony and Reception

Part III: Working on Wedding Details with Your Manners Intact

Part IV: Behaving on the Big Day and Beyond

Part V: The Part of Tens

Icons Used in This Book

Where to Go from Here

Part I: Engaging in Proper Wedding Etiquette from the Start

Chapter 1: Incorporating Etiquette into Your Wedding

Sharing the News of Your Engagement

Putting Technology to Proper Use during Wedding Planning

Establishing the Budget and Planning Responsibilities

Making Plans for Your Ceremony and Reception

Understanding different ceremony styles

Deciding your ceremony’s details

Preparing for your reception

Working Out the Details of Your Wedding

Choosing your wedding party

Shopping for wedding attire

Putting together the guest list

Assembling invitations and announcements

Giving and receiving gifts

Acting appropriately at prewedding parties

Behaving on and after Your Wedding Day

Chapter 2: Announcing Your Engagement with Elegance

Informing Your Immediate Family

Sharing the news with your parents

Telling your children tactfully

Introducing the parents to one another

Sharing the News with Relatives, Friends, and Colleagues

Telling your relatives

Letting your friends in on the happy news

Informing your co-workers

To share or not to share? Telling folks you know won’t be invited

Dealing with Folks Who Object to the Engagement

Announcing Your Engagement in the Newspaper

Figuring out where and when to submit announcements

Wording announcements for different situations

Composing and Mailing Save-the-Date Cards

Using the right format and wording

Understanding who should receive cards and when

Throwing an Engagement Party

Do you need to have a party?

Who hosts the party, where, and when?

Who should be invited and how?

Should you expect gifts?

What about the announcement and toasts?

Don’t forget to send thanks!

Canceling the Engagement

Chapter 3: Tastefully Using Technology during Wedding Planning

Why Have a Wedding Web Site?

Telling your story

Providing wedding details

Managing RSVPs

Maintaining a guest book

Setting Up a Wedding Web Site

Getting started

Including appropriate content

Politely spreading the word

When Is E-mail Appropriate during Wedding Planning?

Chapter 4: Deciding on Finances and Planning Responsibilities Upfront

Traditional Expenses for the Bride and Her Family

Traditional Expenses for the Groom and His Family

Traditional Expenses for Members of the Wedding Party

Staying on Budget (and Staying Engaged)

Establishing a budget

Deciding who pays for what

Keeping a record of who pays what

Giving Gratuities: Who Receives How Much?

Putting Together a Planning Team

Deciding on your parents’ level of involvement (and letting them know)

Asking friends and relatives for help

Considering a wedding planner

Keeping the peace

Part II: The Main Event: Planning Your Ceremony and Reception

Chapter 5: Checking Out Ceremony Styles

Surveying Different Religious Ceremonies

Catholic

Episcopal

Mainstream Protestant

Eastern Orthodox

Mormon

Quaker

Jewish

Muslim

Hindu

Sikh

Buddhist

Unitarian

Examining Other Types of Ceremonies

Secular ceremonies

Civil ceremonies

Military ceremonies

Destination weddings

Commitment ceremonies

Chapter 6: Nailing Down the Basics of Ceremony Protocol

Scheduling Your Ceremony

Choosing a ceremony site the right way

Agreeing on a date and time

Working Well with an Officiant

Finding potential officiants

Making appointments to meet

Asking important questions

Properly Personalizing Your Ceremony

Picking your music

Featuring special readings

Writing your own vows

Honoring the deceased

Other Etiquette Guidelines for Planning Your Ceremony

Putting together appropriate wedding programs

Planning for transportation to and from the ceremony

Setting up activities for your guests between the ceremony and reception

Chapter 7: Perfecting Your Reception Plans

The Essentials of a Proper Reception Style and Site

Deciding on the level of formality

Selecting a comfortable, appropriate site

Getting the Info You Need from Site Managers and Caterers

Making appointments as a matter of course

Asking the right questions

Providing the Right Food and Drinks for Your Guests

Offering an entrée choice for seated meals

Determining whether alcohol is appropriate

Knowing whether to feed vendors

Putting Together an Appropriate Seating Chart

Seating the bridal party and close family

Assigning seating for other guests

Making special arrangements for children

Keeping everything straight with place cards

Selecting and Presenting Appropriate Favors

Part III: Working on Wedding Details with Your Manners Intact

Chapter 8: Putting Together Your Wedding Party

Determining an Appropriate Number of Attendants

Like a Rock: The Maid or Matron of Honor

The responsibilities of the maid or matron of honor

Selecting your maid or matron of honor

The Groom’s Right-Hand Guy: The Best Man

The best man’s responsibilities

Choosing your best man

Let’s Get Together: Your Wedding Attendants

Bridesmaids

Groomsmen

Ushers

Flower girls

The ring bearer

Additional helpers

Breaking Old Rules

Attendants of the opposite sex

Pregnant attendants

Handling Sensitive Situations

Feeling pressured to ask someone to be an attendant

Staying cool when someone turns you down or drops out later

Removing an attendant

Treating the Wedding Party Respectfully

Chapter 9: Choosing Appropriate Wedding Attire and Doing So with Grace

Recognizing Different Levels of Formality

Black tie

Formal

Semiformal

Informal

Dressing the Women in the Wedding

The bride

Bridesmaids

Pregnant attendants

Flower girls

Mothers of the couple

Dressing the Men in the Wedding

The groom

Groomsmen and ushers

The ring bearer

Fathers of the couple

The Etiquette of Shopping for Attire

Simplifying shopping and decision making

Keeping cost in mind

Chapter 10: Assembling the Guest List

The First Steps of Figuring Out Who Attends the Festivities

Considering your budget before you begin

Building a master guest list

Keeping in Mind Guidelines for Specific Groups

Knowing that shower guests are a must

Determining whether single guests can bring dates

Deciding whether to invite work colleagues

Handling sticky situations

The big dilemma — Kids or no kids?

Cutting Back the Guest List

Deciding whom to cut

Avoiding arguments about cuts

Being gracious to the people not invited

Chapter 11: Carefully Composing Your Invitations and Announcements

Choosing a Proper Invitation Style

Focusing on formal invitations

Looking for less traditional

Wording Invitations Properly

Spelling and abbreviation rules

Specifying the hosts

Special wording for special events

Items you should never include on an invitation

Investigating Invitation Insertions

The inner envelope

The reception card

The response card

The response envelope

The map and directions

Hotel information for out-of-town guests

Pew cards

Tissue paper

Putting Everything Together in the Outer Envelope

Addressing Invitations Properly

An entire family

A married couple

A married couple using different last names

An unmarried couple

A same-sex couple

A single guest

Indicating no children

Knowing When to Mail Your Invitations

Postponing or Canceling Your Wedding after Invitations Are Out

Sending Wedding Announcements

Chapter 12: Registering for Gifts and Giving Your Own

Behaving throughout the Gift Registry Process

Figuring out when to register

Accommodating your guests with a range of stores and prices

Making selections together — and keeping the peace

Spreading the word about your registry appropriately

Monitoring your registry and knowing when to add items

Tracking gifts you receive before the big day and sending prompt thanks

Understanding when a gift registry may not be appropriate

Picking Proper Gifts for Your Loved Ones before the Wedding

Gifts to your parents

Gifts to the wedding party

Gifts to special helpers

Gifts to each other

Chapter 13: Observing Etiquette Rules at Festivities before the Wedding

Considering Bridal Shower Etiquette

Deciding when to hold a shower

Figuring out who hosts your shower

Understanding how formal a shower should be

Determining who’s invited and whether you can have more than one shower

Sending invitations

Giving thanks after all your showers

Making the Most of the Rehearsal Dinner

Easy rehearsal etiquette

Deciding who should host the dinner

Choosing the formality of the dinner

Knowing whom to invite and whether to send invitations

Making speeches and toasts

Part IV: Behaving on the Big Day and Beyond

Chapter 14: Minding Your Manners at the Ceremony

Greeting and Seating Appropriately

Greeting guests the right way

Escorting guests to the correct seats

Going down the Aisle: The Processional

Seating honored relatives

Knowing the right order of the bridal party

Deciding who walks the bride down the aisle

The Recessional and Other Postceremony Rituals

Stopping to greet your parents

Following the couple up the aisle in the right order

Releasing guests from their seats

Signing the marriage license and paying the officiant

Walk the Line: Receiving Line Etiquette

Picking the right time to line up

Knowing the correct order of the people in the line

Greeting guests in line politely

Chapter 15: Celebrating with Class at the Reception

Announcing the Parents, the Wedding Party, and the Happy Couple

Don’t Burn the Toast!

Cutting Your Cake without Messing Up Your Manners

May I Have This Dance?

Tossing the Bouquet and the Garter

The Importance of Mingling

Accepting Gifts Directly from Guests at Your Reception

Being Prepared for the Unexpected

Avoiding wardrobe malfunctions

Recovering from an embarrassing moment

Handling issues with your vendors

Asking a guest to leave

Dealing with uninvited guests

Deciding what to do about uninvited kids

Departing the Reception Properly

Chapter 16: Acting Properly after the Wedding

Wrapping Up the Gift Process

Keeping track of gifts

Exchanging gifts

Sending the all-important thank-you notes

What’s in a Name Change?

Keeping a few considerations in mind before you make a choice

Making the switch official

Part V: The Part of Tens

Chapter 17: Ten Tips for Working with Your Vendors and Wedding Planner

Set Priorities

Be Honest

Be Flexible

Get Everything in Writing

Remember the Golden Rule

Hope for the Best

Prepare for the Worst

Have a Sense of Humor

Plan for Payments

When All Else Fails: Gracefully Firing Your Vendors or Planner

Chapter 18: Nearly Ten Guidelines for Getting Married the Second Time Around

Realize You May Meet Some Resistance

Don’t Be Shy about Having the Wedding You Want

Have Realistic Expectations

Consider Your Ceremony Carefully

Select Appropriate Attire

Extend the Invitation Yourselves

Know Whether to Invite the Ex

Decide Whether to Ask for Gifts

Be Respectful of Your First Marriage

Wedding Etiquette For Dummies®

by Sue Fox

Wedding Etiquette For Dummies

Published byWiley Publishing, Inc.111 River St.Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774www.wiley.com

Copyright © 2010 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana

Published simultaneously in Canada

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2009939357

ISBN: 978-0-470-50208-2

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the Author

Since 1994, Sue Fox has provided etiquette products, educational material, group training, and private consultations to business professionals, celebrities, corporations, K–12 schools, and higher education, through her company, The Etiquette Survival Group, which has offices in Central and Southern California. Previously, she was employed in the high-tech industry, with 10 years of experience in event planning and sales and marketing at Apple, Inc.

The Etiquette Survival Group offers etiquette products and mentoring programs for individuals interested in starting their own etiquette consulting businesses. Sue has set up many Etiquette Survival consultants throughout the United States and internationally. She has traveled extensively and is well acquainted with various international cultures. Her travels have taken her to East Africa, Mexico, Central America, and Europe. Sue and her company have provided western etiquette programs throughout the United States, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and India. She also is executive producer of The Etiquette Survival Kit, a series of educational DVDs featuring dining and social etiquette and proper table settings for adults and teens.

Sue is a professional member of the International Association of Protocol Consultants (IAPC) and has an additional background in image consulting, makeup artistry, and wedding planning. She is the author of Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition, and Business Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition (Wiley).

The Etiquette Survival Group and MCE International have partnered to jointly develop etiquette and diversity products and programs. Sue and her business partner, Linda Cain, are working together to create a better understanding of people in diverse business and social environments by emphasizing the importance of respect, diplomacy, and civility in every aspect of life.

Sue and The Etiquette Survival Group have been featured in many national and international publications, including Woman’s Day, Vogue, Ladies’ Home Journal, Real Simple, American Baby, Newsweek, Fortune, New York Magazine, US Weekly, People, Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, New York Post, Chicago Tribune, Washington Times, San Francisco Examiner, The Boston Globe, USA Today, Sunday London Times, Australian Financial News, Folha de S. Paulo, Brazilian Daily News, Nikkei Business Journal, Times of India, and The Hindu Businessline.

Sue’s media credits include radio interviews and feature stories on CNBC, KRON-TV (San Francisco), Knowledge TV, San Francisco Mornings on 2, KOVR-TV (Sacramento), ABC World News, ABC News with Sam Donaldson, KQED-TV (San Francisco), CNET.com, and KABC-TV (Los Angeles).

Sue is the mother of two grown sons, Stephen and Nathan, and she has two grandsons, Joseph and Michael Fox.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my two charming grandsons, Joseph and Michael Fox, who continually make me smile!

Author’s Acknowledgments

I’d like to express my sincerest thanks to the dedicated team at John Wiley & Sons who generously contributed to the preparation of Wedding Etiquette For Dummies.

My deepest gratitude goes to my acquisitions editor, Tracy Boggier. Thank you for your continual faith in me. My sincere appreciation goes to my tireless project editor, Georgette Beatty. Thank you so much for your ongoing assistance, guidance, and professionalism.

A special thank you to assistant editor Erin Calligan Mooney, to copy editor Amanda Langferman for her meticulous editing, and to the additional talent at Wiley, illustrator Liz Kurtzman and cartoonist Rich Tennant, who all contributed to the development of this book. I gratefully acknowledge and thank my technical reviewer, Nancy Mitchell, for her editing expertise and knowledge, and a special thank-you to my agent, Reid Boates. I am most grateful for the assistance of Sandra M. Monahan, MBC, for her expertise, insights, and graciousness. It’s been a pleasure working with all of you!

Among those who deserve an enormous thank-you are my talented etiquette colleagues, friends, and family who pitched in to help shape this book — Colette Swan, Kimberly Seth Smith, Roberta Kay, Julia Todd, and Anne Fox. You are all an inspiration, and there are no words that can describe my gratitude for your generous assistance, your encouragement, and especially your enthusiasm and humor! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving your time.

To my dear friend and business partner, Linda Cain, thank you for your friendship and support. My ongoing appreciation and gratitude goes to the Etiquette Survival consultants who continue to motivate me to stay focused on our quest to raise awareness of the importance of treating others (and ourselves) respectfully. And a big thanks to all my colleagues and friends at The Monarch Club. I want to thank all of you for your patience and understanding while I was working on this project.

I gratefully acknowledge the love of all my family — my sons Stephen and Nathan, my sisters Shirlee and Sandy, my brother Rick, and your families — thank you for always being there for me. And to my two extremely precious grandsons, Joseph and Michael, how you tug on my heartstrings!

Finally, I would like to thank all the faithful readers of the For Dummies series, and to every couple planning to marry — may your wedding planning be absolutely seamless and your wedding day faux pas free!

Publisher’s Acknowledgments

We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our online registration form located at http://dummies.custhelp.com. For other comments, please contact our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 877-762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3993, or fax [phone].

Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:

Acquisitions, Editorial, and Media Development

Senior Project Editor: Georgette Beatty

Acquisitions Editor: Tracy Boggier

Copy Editor: Amanda M. Langferman

Assistant Editor: Erin Calligan Mooney

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Technical Editor: Nancy Mitchell

Editorial Manager: Michelle Hacker

Editorial Assistant: Jennette ElNaggar

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Cover Photos: © Marnie Burkhart/Corbis

Cartoons: Rich Tennant (www.the5thwave.com)

Composition Services

Project Coordinator: Sheree Montgomery

Layout and Graphics: Karl Brandt, Ana Carrillo, Joyce Haughey, Christine Williams

Special Art: Elizabeth Kurtzman

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Publishing and Editorial for Consumer Dummies

Diane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer Dummies

Kristin Ferguson-Wagstaffe, Product Development Director, Consumer Dummies

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Kelly Regan, Editorial Director, Travel

Publishing for Technology Dummies

Andy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General User

Composition Services

Debbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services

Introduction

People constantly ask me whether wedding etiquette still exists today or is merely something from the past. Well, the answer to this question is really two sided. Yes, today’s engaged couples toss out traditional etiquette faster than they throw the wedding bouquet. And, yes, the rules have relaxed a bit since the Victorian era; however, a certain level of common sense and basic etiquette is still necessary in every facet and phase of wedding planning, not to mention the protocol needed for the big day itself. Familiarizing yourself with what to do before, during, and after the wedding will help you ensure that everyone, from the ring bearer to the caterer, enjoys the ceremony and all the wedding festivities.