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- Herausgeber: Books on Demand
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021
A Happy Relationship I love you! What does the person mean when he says, "I love you"? He sees the other and knows this feeling. But is it a physical matter or a mental one? Is it the person himself? Does not the person with his thoughts play the greatest role and decide? What are the basics for A Happy Relationship? What are the rules of this game? It is the individual who wants to enter into a connection with another individual. Thus, the basis of a relationship is the individual. It is of no use just to carry the feeling of love for the other in oneself because there are things that promote the relationship with one another and things that are detrimental to a relationship. Some speak of love and being in love, such that when one is in love, the feeling of love is the strongest, but this feeling subsides over time. But why is that so, and what can be done about it? Learn the basics of a happy partnership so that your relationship is blessed with happiness and longevity.
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Disclaimer
The publisher and the author are providing this book and its contents on an “as is” basis and make no representations or warranties of any kind with respect to this book or its contents.
Acknowledgements
I want to thank
My sister,
Dr. Diana Pengitore, ND, freelance translator, and American Translator Association (ATA) member, for her expert translation from German to English.
My brother-in-law,
Dr. Frank Pengitore, Ed. D., for his editorial expertise in bringing this publication forth.
Dedication
I dedicate this book to lovers so that they have a foundation for their love and that their relationship endures.
Important note to the reader:
Take great care in reading this text in order not to skip words that you do not understand. If you do not understand a sentence or text, it is because there is a word or words that you did not understand or for which you have a false definition.
In the glossary, an overview of the definitions of the words listed in the book marked by an asterisk* can be found. In order to have a complete understanding of a word, it should be looked up in a good dictionary, including its origin.
Footnotes are used to denote sources and references.
Table of Contents
Introduction
The Human Being
To Encounter One’s Fellow Human Being
Love
Happiness
Principles – The Action’s Basics
Experiencing Life
Persistence - Achieving one’s Goals!
Setting the Goal
Intention is Cause
Developing a Strategy
The Letter
The First Phone Call
The Knowledge of Human Nature?!
Emotion
Love
Attractiveness and Character
A Few Words About “Life”
Exchange Factors
The Definition of Reason
Responsibility
Happiness
Happiness and Freedom?
Unhappiness
The Human’s Will Is His Kingdom of Heaven
Loyalty, Fidelity and Happiness
Do You Know Who Your Friends Are?
The Problem Begins in the Head
Anatomy* of a Problem
Stress
War!!!
Privacy
Getting Something Done! – The Power of the Second Person –
Getting One’s Own Stuff Done
Communication – The Key to the World
Having a Conversation
The Date
The Right One
Sex
The Desire to Be the Effect
Relationship and Logic
What Makes the Human Complicated?
Mature for a Relationship
Victim
Family
A Place in the Heart of the Other
The Relationship Fails
Still a Few More Trifles
Right and Wrong
Codex for the Second Dynamic
Your Rainbow
Glossary
Sources and References
About the Author
Other Books
Introduction
There are plenty of books on the subject of love and relationship. Everyone is equipped with this feeling called love and would like to experience it, sometimes more and sometimes less. However, one very often gets shipwrecked in this interpersonal* area. The fact is that nobody really seems to truly know anything about the *métier of love. One falls in love and has a relationship – period!
But what is this matter called love? What can one do to ignite love, to maintain it or even eliminate it? What are the rules and laws?
A relationship is based on the individual. There are two individuals who find each other and have a relationship. Consequently, both must have the same attitude to have a healthy relationship. A relationship, therefore, is based on the attitude of the partners.
This book is not only about a relationship with one’s partner but also about the attitude that one should have towards a relationship. A relationship is a part of the all-encompassing life, and everyone should realize clearly that the aspects of existence must be brought into harmony to live life well.
The background to this book is my book Philosophie des Lebens - Das Buch der Grundlagen, which covers a larger area of existence. It is of no use to be well informed in one area of life when the other areas are very influential and can even destroy one or the other. In order to live a relationship, one should be able to live a life, and this requires some knowledge in today’s time and an appropriate attitude!
The Human Being
The human being experiences this world through his mind. If the mind of the individual does not get in order, this world does not get in order.
1. The human is a product of his deeds.
2. He does what he thinks. If he thinks not to do it, he does not do it.
3. The human does not try to do wrong.
4. There are strange actions. Thus, there are strange thoughts*.
5. Since the human tries not to do wrong and still does, there are thoughts that appear stronger than the human wants.
6. Thus, the thought governs the human.
7. Thus, the human is not always the cause of his thoughts.
8. Thus, there is a part in the human that tells him to do wrong.
9. This part confuses him and makes him small, weak and ill.
10. Being ill means doing wrong – no matter what the thought commands. (Millions of years of engineering result in an organism that heals itself, and yet it gets sick.)
11. Thus, the thought organizes matter.
12. And the thought is thought by the being.
13. All thoughts are made of the same, be they good or bad.
14. The bad thought can be resolved. It comes from the bad experiences that one once had and that the human had done before(!).
15. Thus, one again becomes big, strong and healthy.
16. And the human does not have to be human anymore.
Corollary*:
The human changes when he changes his thoughts.
You change the human when you help him change his thoughts.
To Encounter One’s Fellow Human Being
How does one get along with one’s fellow human beings? There are such things as manners and customs that determine a certain behavior, and which are fixed by rules, be they in writing or not. In fact, these are the moral rules that are supposed to indicate right and wrong.
In short, those who got their driving license in Germany probably are familiar with paragraph one (§1) of the road traffic ordinance. It is actually the case that one interacts with one another within society; hence, this paragraph also can be applied to social interaction among one another as follows:
1. The participation within society requires constant caution and mutual consideration.
2. Every citizen is to behave in such a way that no one is harmed, endangered, hindered or harassed under the circumstances more than is unavoidable.
Remember to treat your fellow human being as a friend - he is not your enemy yet!
In Peacetime
Encounter your fellow human being with a friendly attitude and peaceful intent. Recognize whether he is a help or a burden by his actions.
If he acts in good faith, help him recognize his mistake so that it will be better the next time around.
When the real mistake has been identified, but the goal is not achieved, give him a task that he can do.
If he cannot accomplish the task, then let him go so that he will not bring you bad luck.
A common intention lets individuals form groups as a result of a shared aim. And every group has a leader. This leader should have an intellect superior to all others and guide the group in the best possible way towards a common goal through reason.
If the leader’s reason fails, he also fails. He especially can learn.
Every group member has the right to appeal to the leader’s reason.
Love
“It is not the person but rather the feeling. One believes that if one loses the person, one loses the feeling. Yet this feeling can always be created anew. There is as much love as there are people.”
1. A feeling desired by everyone.
2. Yet, nobody knows where it comes from.
3. It can bring the human being great happiness or great sorrow.
4. The feeling does not come from the being itself but from what makes him into a human being.
5. If the human himself could recognize of what he is made, he could recognize himself and walk the path with love that leads him to great happiness.
6. The feeling is a thought, and it says, “Be together!”
7. It is one’s own doing that breaks this feeling.
8. To separate means to protect the other from one’s own bad doing to not want to hurt him anymore.
9. A relationship is a choice.
10. This decision is to be for the other. (Note: One can be for or against the other.)
11. The decision is supported by “doing.” When one stops doing, the decision withers.
12. Jealousy is supported by the fear of deciding differently. It also can show what the other intends to do.
13. The weak tends to be jealous.
14. The decision of the strong will stand. It is supported by reason.
15. Reason is survival towards pleasure.
16. Pain means to succumb and to not survive in the long run.
17. Communication is the glue of the relationship, and the secret is separation.
Falling in love is easy, but understanding is required to preserve love. By not understanding one another anymore, love falls apart. It is the messedup mind of the human being that ends understanding!
Happiness
Life gives you a joyful emotion when you help life to live. Ask a woman how she feels after giving birth to her child or a contractor after building a house or when things have been repaired well. All this contributes so life can live! The following are characteristics that can affect happiness:
1. Happiness is the human’s highest aspiration.
2. To be happy, the human accepts the loss of freedom because being happy means having what one desires. However, “to have” ends the state of freedom.
3. Thus, the human fell for materialism and the accompanying feeling, thereby creating his own prison.
4. Materialism and feeling can invert*, and the human will be happy again only when he no longer has material possessions or feeling.
5. Thus, we find that by connecting happiness with material things and feeling, that happiness is as fleeting* as these.
6. But there is another form of happiness.
7. Through material things or feeling, the human is in an effect position because material things and feeling act on him.
8. The human can be the cause! He himself can cause things.
9. When the human has a self-fulfilling task that brightens the face of the world in beauty, cultivates* the virtues of the human being and improves the general existence, ensures that things work and are useful or anything else that gives pleasure to his fellow human beings, the human will experience satisfaction and happiness through this activity alone.
10. Thus, we find that through doing the human creates his own happiness.
11. Even the one who has only a little bit of hope in achieving something still has a piece of luck in him; however, when hope fades away, and one has completely given up, then one also has surrendered his luck.
12. The human will fall ill if oppression and counter-intentions have become too great to attain happiness, and he will find ways, obvious or hidden, to get out of existence to escape misfortune.
13. The human can be happy when he is strong and recognizes the basics of symbiosis and reason for himself and lives by them. And so there can be happiness for everyone!
The inability to understand, ignorance, lack of discipline, clumsiness and cowardice are the main factors that stand in the way of happiness.
Happiness means to set something in motion, either towards someone or away from someone; one wants to have things or dispose of them!
But how can one achieve this when one is defeated by one of the above characteristics?
Principles – The Action’s Basics
How does the human encounter the events of life? Well, he sees something and acts accordingly. But before he acts, he usually does one thing - he thinks. He sorts his thoughts to do the right thing in a situation without making a mistake that could lead to disadvantages for him.
Certainly, one of the things he will encounter in life is a set of rules established by the state, which presents the right, meaning that if you violate it, you will be punished. Whether the state’s law is fair is another matter because right and justice are two different pair of shoes. Thus, the state has its principles. Incidentally, in principles is the word princi* (princess), and the princess is the one who comes first, at least in the line of succession to the king or queen when there is no male heir in most cases.
Principles: Things that come first, the thought that precedes the action. Thus, one acts according to a principle of a kind and manner because the thought dictates how the person created the thought.
Well, dear friend, you certainly have adopted your own principles from others or learned from experience. Unfortunately, the places of teaching and learning, the public schools, do not give lessons and teach no subject that conveys the principles of life. And yet they are the foundation of life!
So, I sat down and made few notes about it, saw things, formulated it and wrote it down. Maybe you will make these principles yours. In any case, they helped me, and they were the foundations upon which I could rely.
Experiencing Life
To experience existence with all its facets* depends on one thing only, one thought - “I can!”
For example, over there is a beautiful girl or a handsome guy who awoke your interest. You see her or him and think, “What can I say? He or she certainly has no interest in me. I do not dare.” All of these thoughts tell you, “You cannot!”, and all of these thoughts keep you from experiencing your life.
So, think “I can!”
Fundamentally, the thought “I can” is the beginning of ability. There is work to be done, such as painting the decking on the roof, building and plastering a wall, creating a workpiece in the company, dealing with a new machine or just writing a letter. You see this work and immediately think, “It is too complicated, too difficult, too daring; I do not understand; another can do it better,” and so on. Interestingly, you look only at the thought that wants to tell you that you cannot. You do not even make an attempt to take a look at the matter at hand or think about what is required to face the task.
Think “I can!”
Force yourself to hold this thought. The more you hold on to this thought, the more accurately you will look at the matter, and solutions will come to mind. The people around you are only people exactly the same as you with hands and feet and the ability to think.
So, YOU can too!
As a rule, a bit of knowledge, some training and dexterity* is required to be able to approach a matter appropriately. My former master once said the following about the reading of books, “Books are written for people who do not look closely and who do not devise a sufficient solution through their thinking.” I personally concur that written words are often just the opinion of a person, usually imagined and not closely observed. Well, I, too, belong among the readers, and I can say that many a book has helped me or that the voice of another has enlightened my mind.
To get something done in the end, it takes intention, and that intention is supported by the thought “I can!” If you lose this thought, you lose your ability and even your life! This world only works because the human dares to take on matters because he says to himself, “I can!”
So think, “I can”!
Ability? What is ability other than to disassemble things and to put them back together in a functioning way or to come up with ideas to take the components of the world to create something functional!
Persistence - Achieving One’s Goals!
Definition of persistence:A tenacious hold on to an intention to achieve a certain goal.
Setting the Goal
So, you want to find the right partner. Now the first step would be to imagine exactly how your partner should look and what character he should have. You write this down and add a glued-on picture of how your partner should look. Then, you memorize this in the form of a picture. It may seem strange to you, but this will enable you to create the exact physical event that you have in your head as a picture. Your thought will take shape.
Here are a few examples. It had been a long hot day, and I really wanted a maple walnut ice cream. Well, it was already 8:15 P.M. and the gas station that had this ice cream usually closed right at 8:00 P.M. So, I got into my car and arrived at the gas station just as the attendant was about to close! What a coincidence. She said that she had run out of this flavor of ice cream. I told her that I wanted to take another look. Afterall, the ice box was in the customer area. As luck would have it, there actually was another maple walnut ice cream, the last one of its kind. J
On another day, I had the idea of driving through Hamburg* in a highhorse-powered car. Not long thereafter, I was actually in Hamburg driving my boss’s car, an Audi Quattro with 200 horsepower.
Remember, at the same moment that you envision your wish, “counterthoughts*” will arise. Just write them all down and envision your picture once more. Should the “counter-thoughts” return, write these down again and repeat this process as needed. Afterward, burn the paper. The sole purpose of this is because you really want to achieve your goal. You want to move mountains! Believe in yourself and the power of your thoughts. Do not get depressed right away when your desires do not immediately manifest in the material world because if that were the case, you would be God in this universe. Keep in mind that other people also have desires. Functional postulates* are based on the order of magnitude of power. Either a lot of people are against you, or there is someone who just has more power than you!
Intention is Cause
Nothing is caused without intention! When the intention is taken, then nothing more is done. Always stay on the ball. Call, instead of being called. Make an appointment that includes the day and time, and do not say, “Yes, one could do that …”
You can be the game ball in life, or you can play with the ball!
Developing a Strategy
I was a craftsman and kept myself very busy. I did not make time to go out to meet someone. However, since I wanted a relationship, there had to be another way. So, I placed a personal ad in a newspaper and wrote. Nowadays, the whole matter is a bit easier and faster over the Internet. By the way, the people who place a personal ad are interested in getting to know someone.
The people that you meet through an advertisement have enough guts to place an ad. They are able to put aside all the prejudices regarding personal advertisements to do it! You will find that these people are usually openminded and want to talk to you.
Get a picture in which you are photogenic, no macho* pose and not buttoned up, unless you want the lady to think exactly that of you! In this way, I had up to 90% returns. I came to find out later, on the first or second date, that I was one of the few who received a reply. There were women who received up to 80 reply letters to their ad, and often there was only one or two letters that actually sparked interest. The rest were “profiles.” By the way, men receive very few or no responses to their ads because women want to be courted.
Keep your letter short to arouse curiosity. Do not introduce yourself because you can do that later on the phone. So, give it your best with your writing and write a perfect letter with no mistakes or cross outs. Use the whole sheet, not just a third. Show that you are making a real effort.
I answered all advertisements that were somewhat interesting, up to 10 pieces per newspaper edition. Keep many options open because you never know what may result.
One thing above all, you must not give up. The more you write, the more will reply to you. There are certainly one or two good paperbacks about writing letters or dealing with the opposite gender. Start reading, and you will find that it makes an impression and is sure to give you one or two good tips.
The Letter
Write what you really want, for example:
Hello!
I want to finally fall in love again and think that this is still possible at 35.
My wish is a partnership in which one is there for the other, enabling us to go through life together without losing oneself.
A relationship is like a flower; it will bloom and flourish when it is taken care of. And that is exactly what I want to do - to create a living space in which this can be.
Best regards,
Wolfgang
P.S. Simply SMS or Letter
The First Phone Call
Be yourself and do not use words that you do not understand. If you can offer a distinguished diction, wait until you realize that the other person also has this at her disposal.
Also mention that you are excited and that you do not know exactly what to talk about. Now it is about breaking the ice. Ask what she would like to know about you. She will ask, and you will answer. Ask her what characteristics her partner should have, what activities she likes, what hobbies she has, where she goes on vacation or would like to go, what club she belongs to, and so forth. Be attentive and listen when she is excited about a topic and be interested.
Honesty and sincerity should always be there. Definition sincere : Expressing the innermost feeling of one’s own conviction without disguise.
The Knowledge of Human Nature?!
“As soon as you deal with a human, you have a problem!”
One should have useful data on this topic because this knowledge alone is decisive in determining your rise or fall! Well, as long as the human does not know exactly what he is, he can have no knowledge of it. Think about it. Do you have a body, or are you a body? If you imagine something, who is looking at this picture? If you are afraid, who feels this fear? It is neither cold nor warm.
The body is a carbon-oxygen machine and runs at 37 degrees Celsius (98.6 degrees Fahrenheit). If we analyze the living and the just deceased body of a human being, we do not find any differences in the chemical analysis of the matter. Every biochemist will confirm that the bones and organs are the same. Yes, even the cell area and the molecules are unchanged if the examination is done promptly. The weight is the same, and even the temperature can be about the same, yet one body lives and the other is dead. It decomposes into its components and turns to earth and dust.
