A Splendid Christmas E-Book

Christa Arnet

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 84

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

With her fine sense for human foibles and tongue firmly in cheek, the author describes in thirteen endearing stories our desperate attempts to please everyone at Christmas time. Having read this book, you will never see a stuck elevator, flickering streetlamps, trendy lifestyles and modern technology in quite the same way again. This book is a feel-good read - perfect entertainment for a family Christmas gathering.

Leseprobe

Sincere thanks to my family, my friends and allies for having inspired me to write these tales.

Very special thanks to Järvi Kotkas for the skilful translations and technical support.

Table of contents

Christmas All-Year Round

It Happened in Wullheim

The Wish „Pusher“

Appalling Behaviour

Homemade Truffles

A Splendid Christmas

The Gift Expert

The Master Chef

A Little Bit of Time

The Annoying Experience of Mrs B

The Flight to Mombasa

The Joy of Giving

The Chubby Cheek Angel

Christmas All-Year Round

My sister Susanne is a wonderful lady. She is a perfect wife, perfect mother, child-raiser, host, organiser, bookkeeper, piano player and cook. Her ironed tablecloths are silky smooth, her garden paths are spotlessly clean and her kids, of course, are the best in the class. On top of that, she is punctual to a T. As long as I can remember, she has never been one minute late. She has never postponed a job from today to tomorrow, quite the opposite: whatever could be done tomorrow, is more often done yesterday. Her tireless discipline allows her to be done with the washing one day ahead of the official washing day, pack the bags a week ahead of holidays and lay the table a day before hosting.

Hence, it is fully understandable that she used to celebrate Christmas already on the 19th of December in order to – as she said – „be ahead in the race“ and be able to spend the actual holidays in a more relaxed atmosphere. In the same vein, we found it completely reasonable to bring the celebration forward to the first Advent. In the beginning, some of the elderly aunts were taken aback and shook their heads, but soon they also recognised that this would help avoid the usual clashes of the year-end wrap-up and parties as well as the related headaches and upset tummies. Additionally, this brought along an upside that the gifts could be exchanged well ahead of the 24th.

However, the idea to start the celebrations already in November was novel and somewhat surprising even for us pragmatists. What brought everybody onside was Susanne‘s argument that there is a much bigger choice of gifts in the autumn and the prices are also much lower. In the end, isn‘t tinsel already glittering in every shopwindow by that time, isn‘t the house inundated with Christmas flyers and aren´t streetlights done up as a starlight show? If it is OK for a department store or street lighting, it is also alright for my sister: on 10th of November, the Christmas tree lights went on.

Having said that, it did not stay at November for long. The following year we were told that the celebration would be in September. My sister’s family planned to head south for the autumn holidays and therefore would have no time to take on the Christmas preparations in October. We should respectfully understand this and appreciate that this little advance will increase the headstart for the official Christmas by another two months, which would certainly please all family members.

In spite of these undoubtedly noteworthy reasons we were a little bit disappointed at the beginning. The aunties were not the only ones looking forward to the 10th of November. Still, there was some comfort in the prospect of the forthcoming Advent season with its oldie afternoons, anniversaries in nursing homes, jumble sales, bowling nights and club meetings. So everyone arrived on the 14th of September at Susanne’s beautiful home, to attend a fancy little party that was only disturbed by the noise of the roller-coasters, merry-go-rounds and shooting ranges from the nearby village fête happening at the same time.

***

For my sister, September remained the preferred Christmas season for some years. However, all of a sudden she replaced it with June. The advance was necessary, she explained, because it is best to buy the gifts in the summer sale and it makes no sense to hide them for weeks. It makes much more sense to celebrate shortly before the summer holidays and then recover from the Christmas stress at the seaside.

These arguments were of course convincing. What careful planning and perceptive thinking! Now we could admit that we always did buy a towel for Susanne and rubber fins for the lovely kids in June when bargain bins and discounted prices screamed for attention.

The June parties were consequently a big success, at least in the beginning. As time passed, it became clear that this arrangement had also certain disadvantages. Above all, it was difficult to get hold of marzipan angels, let alone snowflakes. Oddly enough, the self-made gingerbreads tasted a bit gluey as well. Most unpleasant of all however, was the rude laughter of the neighbours as we sat on the balcony decorated with candles during mild evenings and sang Silent Night.

After a lengthy family board meeting it was finally decided to set the headstart to mid-March, a date that was generally considered to be favourable because it lay in a holiday-free period between Easter and Carnival.

Indeed, March was such a perfect match that one could start wondering why other people hadn‘t come to the same idea earlier. Wintery surroundings offered a stylish background. Self-made gingerbreads stayed delightfully fresh, one could get sparklers in the Boxing Day sales and gifts in the January sales.

In short, March was as good as December.

Imagine then how annoyed we were when my sister suddenly abandoned March and brought the party forward to the 24th of December. Once we had understood the rationale, the penny dropped: what a wonderful idea to celebrate Christmas at Christmas! Enjoying the glittering starlight show from streetlights, buying marzipan angels on a whim and at times seeing snowflakes through the window!

***

So, this year we will – slightly awkward and unsure but full of good will – sit all together on Christmas Eve and hold a quiet little party free of merry-go-round music and neighbours‘ gleeful laughter. Like returning to a totally normal conventional life? Oh, no. Ours is fundamentally different from all other peoples´ and this gives us deep satisfaction: the blissful knowledge that we are an entire year ahead!

It Happened in Wullheim

The first person to hear about it was the editor of Wullheim Chronicle. The phone rang in the editor’s office on Thursday night, shortly before 6pm. Kunz already had his coat on, needed a drink and was not particularly keen to field more complaints from angry readers. He had spent the entire day struggling with calls because of the article „Dog tax will increase“ about the Wullheim township meeting that should have read „Dog tax will not increase“. Just a typo, as happens every now and then.

But the phone rang so persistently that Kunz´s conscience and curiosity won out and he sat down again. Perhaps it was not a dog owner this time, and maybe there was something really interesting to deal with after all, like a fire, a murder, a burglary or a political sex scandal. An editor of a local newspaper must never give up hope.

As a matter of fact, it was not a dog owner. But the story was not particularly exciting either. Some baby had been born in a garage. Just like that, without any complications, perfectly healthy. Italians passing through, meh! As if this would be of any interest to Wullheim!

Kunz sighed, buttoned up his coat and headed to the nearby pub „Kreuz“ for a wheat beer.

***

As it happened, that same evening Chief Inspector Schreiber was also sitting in the pub trying – as he put it – to get over an annoying matter. Shortly before 5pm, a suspicious couple with a newborn baby were spotted in a garage in Zutt-street. He – a worker, she – a waitress, both Italian, travelling from Germany.

According to the interview log, the two had asked for a room in „Sternen“, but were turned away. The owner of the hotel explained that upon seeing them he was struck by a „funny feeling“. Furthermore, he did not approve of home births, not least because of third-party liability and so on. In any case, he had no desire for something like that in his freshly renovated rooms. He had advised them to visit the municipal hospital.

„Of all things,“ grumbled Schreiber, „this happens always shortly before my shift is over.“

„And where are these people now?“, asked Kunz, who started to get wind of a possible story.

„For the time being, still in the garage“, said Schreiber and took a long sip from his glass, „it‘s fine for them. Everything they need, is there. Blankets, mattresses, an electric oven, water and a toilet just nearby in the hobby-room. However, they must be gone tomorrow or the day after, at the very latest the day after that.“

Then he gave a stern look at Kunz: „Mind you, do not write all of that in your paper if you want to stay out of trouble. Understood?“

„I understand“, Kunz nodded. He knew it was better not to joke around with Schreiber.

Consequently, there was only a short piece in the „Nutshell“ column of the next edition of the Wullheim Chronicle:

Wullheim, 21 December: On Thursday, a young Italian woman gave birth to a son in a garage. Maria (21) and Giuseppe (25) were on their travels from Germany, when she suddenly went into labour. According to eyewitnesses, they barely made it to the next garage before the baby arrived. Both the mother and the baby are well. Congratulations.

***