Aromabingo E-Book

David Gaffney

• Herausgeber: Salt
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Aromabingo builds on the critical success of David Gaffney's 2006 collection Sawn-off Tales, offering yet more of Gaffney's weird and edgy ultra-shorts, plus several longer works, so you can spend even more time inside the baffling, hilarious and sometimes moving world of a David Gaffney story. Think Magnus Mills mashed with the League of Gentlemen with a jolt of Mark E. Smithery for grit, and you're nearly there. Though many of his stories are shorter than a Napalm Death snarl, these precision-engineered slivers of fiction leave you with the dying chords of a symphony. They are about the small people, the tiny Tardis folk with cathedrals inside them, creeping by unnoticed. These tales will have you laughing like at a Tommy Cooper video though there's something hideous gnawing at the door to get in. Be careful, a spoonful weighs a ton.

Leseprobe

Aromabingo builds on the critical success of David Gaffney’s 2006 collection Sawn-off Tales, offering yet more of Gaffney’s weird and edgy ultra-shorts, plus several longer works, so you can spend even more time inside the baffling, hilarious and sometimes moving world of a David Gaffney story. Think Magnus Mills mashed with the League of Gentlemen with a jolt of Mark E. Smithery for grit, and you’re nearly there. Though many of his stories are shorter than a Napalm Death snarl, these precision-engineered slivers of fiction leave you with the dying chords of a symphony. They are about the small people, the tiny Tardis folk with cathedrals inside them, creeping by unnoticed. These tales will have you laughing like at a Tommy Cooper video though there’s something hideous gnawing at the door to get in. Be careful, a spoonful weighs a ton.

Praise for David Gaffney

“Reality becomes dislocated and strange and words and phrases acquire a compelling importance in these sad, funny fables. They recall evanescent moments of connection and happiness. One hundred and fifty words by Gaffney are more worthwhile than novels by a good many others.” — NICHOLAS CLEE The Guardian

“Gaffney has produced the kind of book that makes you wish you spent more time locked in your imagination and less time dismissing irreverent thoughts. There’s a parochial quality to this work that gives off a humble warm glow. Set in Woolworths, barber shops, and offices, Gaffney looks at relationships and his characters are all a little lost and tinged with pathos but surreally optimistic. Each story has a quirky end which make you wish Gaffney was allowed 15 minutes of time with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant to make his vision come to life. ” — LIIANNE STEINBERG The Big Issue

“Gaffney’s book will knock you out. Packed with emotion, annoyance, and social science fiction, its a testament to imagination and the skill of illustrating it.” —HARIAN LEVEY, Modart

“Funny, pointed, and sometimes even disturbing, Gaffney’s stories deserve to be read.” —JIM BURNS, Ambit

“David Gaffney writes truly 21st century stories for a fragmented and fragmenting world; they’re short, snappy and utterly addictive and they should be required reading for anybody trying to make sense of Britain in 2006; or for anybody in a bus queue with five minutes to spare.” —IAN McMILLAN

“Utterly brilliant. Hilariously demented and wonderfully succinct. David Gaffney’s Sawn-off Tales are little McNuggets of pure gold. This is writing at its best.” —GRAHAM RAWLE

Aromabingo

DAVID GAFFNEY was born in West Cumbria, studied in Birmingham and now lives in Manchester. He has worked as an English teacher, a film studies lecturer, a holiday camp entertainer, a medical records clerk, a pub pianist, a debt counsellor in Moss Side, a legal consultant in Liverpool, and now works for a shadowy government organisation. His stories have been published in many magazines over the years and he has made frequent appearances on the radio and at festivals. David Gaffney’s first collection, Sawn-off Tales, was published by Salt in 2006 to critical acclaim.

Aromabingo

DAVID GAFFNEY

LONDON

Published Salt Publishing Ltd

Acre House, 11–15 William Road, London NW1 3ER, United Kingdom

All rights reserved

© David Gaffney, 2007, 2008, 2011

The right of David Gaffney to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

This book is in copyright. Subject to statutory exception and to provisions of relevant collective licensing agreements, no reproduction of any part may take place without the written permission of Salt Publishing.

Salt Publishing 2011

Created by Salt Publishing Ltd

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN 978 1 84471 893 1 electronic

For Susan, Sarah, Hannah, Kath and Tom.

Contents

PART ONE: 45 Revolutions per Minute

PART ONE:45 Revolutions per Minute

Art Movement

HOWARD HAD NO talent for painting. He joined the class to meet attractive women and had a vague idea that if he developed a few basic skills they would pose naked for him. For this reason he had set up his easel next to Yvonne. Yvonne had remarkable hair — a neat black bob with the sheen of sump oil, and an unusual solidity, like a plastic hat. She also had an attractive way of nipping her lower lip between her teeth while she concentrated on her painting, which was a picture of a bird standing on an apple. Howard was about to mention that a bird probably wouldn’t stand on an apple as the apple would roll away, when she leaned over and asked him, in a low whisper, if he had noticed that every colour of paint had its own little name written on the tube. Her voice was pleasantly croaky, as if she smoked a lot, and her bob of black hair brushed Howard’s cheek as she spoke.

‘Yes,’ he whispered, with one eye on the tutor who could be rather strict about chatter. ‘The yellow’s called Buttercup Meadow.’

‘Have you seen the name of the colour black? It is positively offensive,’