Bad Love E-Book

Chiara F. Citterio

• Herausgeber: The Orlando Books
• Kategorie: Für Kinder und Jugendliche
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 217

Beschreibung

When I found out I'd have a kid with Emma, the girl of my dreams and my best friend, the world turned around. I knew becoming a father at seventeen wouldn't be easy. But I couldn't imagine that watching Emma get on with her life with the boy she loves would be the hardest part. A boy who is not me, of course. I thought I'd never fall in love again. But then she came along. With her books, her laughter, her clumsiness, her endless spontaneity, her light. She, Loralai. The most amazing girl in all of London. But is there any place for love in my life, between nappies, bottles, tests, and work? Justin, my son, is my priority. And falling in love is just a luxury I can't afford. I'm not sure how could I avoid it, though. I'm Nate, by the way. And I'm in serious trouble. Can a new love survive in the shadow of an old one? Chiara F. Citterio's new novel continues the story of Emma, Nate, and Bella, the protagonists of Almost Love.

Leseprobe

CEO: Marcela Citterio

Edited by: Verónica Chamorro

Translate by: Eugenia Forcher

Copyedit by: Alicia Rose Amende

Designed by: Valeria Miguel Villar

Cover ilustration by: Ana Monticelli

Author's photograph: Luis Zabrana

Epub production: Libresque

© Chiara Francia Citterio, 2022

© The Orlando Books, 2022

www.theorlandobooks.com

Paperback ISBN: 978-987-48671-0-0 Ebook ISBN 978-987-48545-8-2

All rights of reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

For the ‘Doble C Farm’, my second family.

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”-- J. K. Rowling

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CHAPTER 1The Arrival

NATE

I open the door and the scene stops me dead in my tracks. Emma is standing up, her hands around her belly, and a pool of blood at her feet.

“It can’t be…” she mumbles.

Theo runs to her and takes her face in his hands, worried sick.

“Go get the car,” I yell, and he acts.

I get closer to Emma and ask her if she can walk outside, but she doesn’t reply. I take her in my arms and get both of us into Theo’s Land Rover, as he speeds up.

“You’re going to be okay,” I say.

Emma is silent, her lips quivering. I take her hand and force her to look at me.

“Everything will be okay,” I tell her, though I’m actually saying it to myself.

I call the midwife we’ve been visiting the last couple of months and tell her Emma’s bleeding and we’re on our way to the hospital.

At the red lights, Theo looks back trying to catch Emma’s eyes. She closes hers, unable to believe what’s happening.

I can’t lose them. I can’t lose my best friend and my child both the same day.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” I whisper again, almost inaudibly.

I close my eyes too. I imagine I’m dancing with Emma, just the two of us, with a newborn Justin in between our arms. We’re all together, us three against the world.

Theo’s car horn wakes me up. We’re almost there. He stops at the hospital’s entrance, where they’re already waiting for us with a trolley. I open Emma’s door and get out quickly.

“What’s wrong with her?” I ask the doctor.

“We must take her to surgery, immediately,” she informs us. She doesn’t seem tense, but I can hear a strain in her voice. “She needs an emergency c-section, their lives are in danger. But don’t worry. We’ll take good care of them.”

“C’mon! Hurry!” a nurse yells.

Someone gets a wheelchair then, and takes Emma away in it.

“What’s happening?” Theo says, standing next to me. I had forgotten he was parking the car.

“She needs surgery. They’re both in danger,” I manage to babble.

I think I’m going to pass out, I’ve never sweat like this in my whole life. Minutes go by and turn into hours, and I remain motionless. At some point, I hear Theo calling Alison, but it’s all so distant, their voices so muffled.

Nothing worth having comes easy, Emma told me exactly a week ago. But I don’t think she imagined how hard it would be.

Finally, I can see the doctor approaching us. She tells us Emma’s in the clear. I breathe again.

“And…?” I start saying, but can’t get the words out.

“What about Justin? How’s the baby?” Theo asks, his voice wavering.

“He’s under observation, but it looks like he will be fine. You can’t go in yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as they’re ready for you.”

Theo and I hug each other. It doesn’t last more than a couple of seconds, but we’re both grateful for having company right now.

We stay there in silence. I stare at the floor, Theo at the ceiling. There’s nothing to talk about, but I suddenly start giggling. At first, I feel he’s looking at me confused, but then he joins me.

“You remember when she threw that book through the window?” I say, unable to hold back the laughter.

“How could I forget? It hit a woman.”

“She reported Emma to the police, and all.”

“She blamed the hormones, but that’s just her.”

“Just Emma.”

We both sigh, in a whirlwind of emotions.

A nurse tells us that we can now see them, but Justin’s in the NICU.

“I’ll go see Justin,” I tell Theo. He nods and goes away to Emma’s room.

The nurse walks me to a room full of little cots. She points to a baby, but it wasn’t necessary. As soon as I see him, I feel it. I recognise my son, Justin.

I move closer to his cot, which looks like a small bubble, and look at him. His skin’s a weird colour, like a burgundy blue… It’s hard to explain.

“Don’t be scared, it’s very common in newborns. We’re taking care of him, he’ll be fine.”

“Hey, buddy. Here’s your dad,” I whisper.

His eyes are grey, just like his mother, but the few strands of hair on his head are blond. Like me.

The nurse takes Justin to Emma’s room, and I walk beside her unable to take my eyes off my son.

I’m a dad.

I’ve just realised that this is my new reality. Justin opens and closes his mouth, and an indescribable sensation runs through me. I want to put him in a box so that nothing can harm him, I want him to be as happy as he can. I haven’t been feeling myself lately. I was there, but not really. And I kept it to myself because no one would care. But now I realise that I belong somewhere, here, to my son.

I open the door and see Emma still sleeping. Theo’s beside her, holding her hand. She opens her eyes when she hears us coming into the room. I wish someone would tell me how I should feel, because I’ve got no idea. I just know my best friend is in front of me, and our son is in my arms. Every memory together, everything that makes us who we are today, everything that fills our hearts. Our miseries, or what almost broke us completely, doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that we’re here, and there’s the biggest reason for it: Justin. We need to become better people for him.

I would’ve never imagined being a dad at seventeen, let alone that the mother of my child would be gazing at another guy, like Emma’s doing right now while Theo holds our baby. But it’s clear nothing goes as we plan.

I sit down beside Emma on the bed. She struggles to sit up. We were scared to death, but everyone assured us they’re both safe.

“Nate,” Emma says, her voice raspy, “would you call my mum? I want her to meet him.”

She takes Justin’s little hand and smiles. And, although I share her happiness, I can’t help but be bothered by Theo’s presence. I should be used to it by now. The whole pregnancy was like this. Thinking about my son spending more time with him than me makes my head spin.

We’ve spent three nights in the hospital. Emma’s been discharged and now we can go home. I was the one who stayed during the first night, I wanted to spend as much time with Justin as possible. But Theo was here the second night, as Emma practically begged me and I find it impossible to say no to her.

I carry the bag as she holds the baby. As soon as we are out of the door, responsibility weighs me down. We’re not lost teenagers anymore, we have a child now.

I could spend hours just staring at Justin. He’s seven and a half pounds,, his nose is an adorable little button. Watching his mouth open and close is the very best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Emma’s mother, Alison, walks me to her giant Mercedes Benz, which has the baby seat. Her attention to detail is amazing, I hadn’t even thought about that.

Emma sits in the back, with the baby and me. I look out of the window as the streets pass us by. London is welcoming Justin Davies, and I think everything’s about to change. Or it already has.

We drive past the Henrietta Hotel, in Covent Garden, and Theo reaches out to take Emma’s hand. A sting of jealousy pains me in the stomach. Why is he here? Why didn’t I tell Emma how I felt before it was too late? Before she left, before she met him.

We arrive and walk with Justin into his new home. Emma lives in Camden, just like Bella and me. We’ve spent all our time together since we were kids. Each afternoon we’d be at a different house, as if we were one single family. The neighbourhood’s colourful streets are filled with scenes of us playing hide-and-seek, or having lunch at the Camden Town Market.

A few months ago, when Emma started to freak out about having everything ready for the baby’s arrival, we painted Justin’s room yellow. The ceiling is like a blue sky, Theo’s idea. When he suggested it, I wanted to punch him. It was a great idea, and I would’ve loved to come up with it first.

I wish I could stay. I feel my stomach get sick when I see Emma placing Justin in his crib and starting to wave me goodbye. But she’s tired. She needs to adjust to this new life too… And, well, this was part of the deal. I’ll take care of him during the weekends when he can spare a few hours without his mother, and Emma will be with him on weekdays. We’ll figure out the best dynamic once he gets older.

Once I check everything’s alright, I say goodbye and walk home.

I don’t know what the future holds. Since my brother Kyler left to travel the world, all responsibilities were on me. I need to take over the running of my father’s tech firm, and everyone expects me to go to Oxford when I finish my A Levels. I’m not sure how I’ll work things out with Justin when the moment comes.

I get home and find my mother peeping out of the window. Her stare is the same absent one she has had since I came back from Los Angeles.

“How’s Justin?” she asks, and I notice the struggle in her voice. My mum’s always been very traditional, and everything that’s happening has her feeling out of place.

“Good, he’s good. You can visit him whenever you want.”

She nods silently. She’s not ready for it yet.

“Where’s dad?” I ask as I get a glass of water. Ever since the incident, I’m always wondering where he is, afraid of him falling back to gambling.

I can still remember my mother’s face when I returned from LA. For a moment, we thought we’d lost everything because of him.

“He’s in the office, as you should be, instead of working at that tourist place. Nate, once you finish at Oxford, you’re going there. You should start to know how things work in the real world.”

“I’m going to lay down, it’s been an long day,” I tell her. Though I understand her disappointment, I can’t stand it.

I have yet to tell her that I got sacked from the London Eye. Telling her I’ve failed again makes me claustrophobic.

I walk to my room and stand there for a couple of minutes, taking everything in. The place is exactly the same since I was twelve: blue, a bed in the middle, a desk on its left, a shelf full of football trophies on the right. I stopped playing, as I have to work now.

I eye the bed, but decide to sit down and write my to-do list:

1. Get a job immediately. Justin needs lots of things… It’s amazing how little he is and how much he needs every day. If I don’t study, I can’t run the company… And if I don’t do that, I won’t have any income. So, a job it is. Though if I have to work, that means it’ll be hard to study. Anyways, I guess that’s life.

2. Convincing Mum of meeting Justin. (First point may prove easier to solve than this one).

3. Talking to Emma about our son’s future (if Theo isn’t there, much better).

4. Study, study, study. Exams are very close and I haven’t opened a book yet.

My eyes start closing and I give in to sleep. I’m tired of fighting and fighting for nothing.

That’s a lie. It’s not nothing. Everything’s about Justin now.

CHAPTER 2The New Normal

NATE

The Chiltern Firehouse hotel is known for its young crowd, its shops and modern cafés, so I thought they might be looking for employees. The exposed brick entrance welcomes me and I introduce myself at the reception desk for the interview. I’m not looking for anything specific, just work.

It only takes twenty four minutes to get from home to Marylebone. It would be great to work here. I’m asked to wait on a mustard sofa. I hope they hire me. I heard the pay is good, and I could come after classes.

I fix my hair when I spot a mirror. I’ve got a bad habit of touching it too much whenever I’m nervous. Bella chose my suit, as Mum and I aren’t in the best place right now. I feel a little foolish. Now that I see myself in a different light, I look like a sailor. I loosen the tie up a bit. Whose idea was it to heat this place so much?

The Friends’ theme song starts playing. It’s the ringtone I put for Emma, so I pick up instantly. It’s Saturday, so technically I should be with Justin, but he won’t be able to leave his mother for a couple of months.

“Emma. Are you alright?” I ask, worried.

“I need your help, he won’t stop throwing up,” she says. I can hear Justin crying on the other side of the phone.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

I put the phone away and stand up from the comfortable sofa.

“Nate Davies? You can come through now,” the receptionist tells me. She must be just a couple of years older than me.

“I have to leave, my apologies.”

I hurry to the Great Portland Street station. I should’ve asked to reschedule the interview instead of leaving like that. The Tube is full of people, so I unbutton the suit jacket.

On the second stop, a woman loses her balance and spills coffee on my trousers. She opens her eyes, feeling guilty.

“Don’t worry. I don’t need them anymore.”

I take out my phone and start searching: What to do when your baby throws up, and Why do babies throw up. It doesn’t look serious, unless it keeps going for a few days. Then we should see a doctor.

Three stops later, I get out of the Tube and realise it’s raining. I don’t care, I just walk to Emma’s house and ring the bell.

My friend opens the door while holding Justin, both of them crying. I get inside and grab him with care.

“I have no idea why he keeps crying! I fed him, I rocked him like that YouTube video told me to, I gave him a dummy but he keeps spitting it out… At least he stopped throwing up. I think I’ve still got sick in my hair.”

“Alright, alright. Sit down, Emma. Breathe.”

She listens and throws herself on the sofa. I don’t mention the sick in her hair. I try patting Justin on the back and moving around, like Bella’s mother taught me.

“The best thing we can do is to keep calm and exude confidence and serenity, for our child.”

“Where did you get that?”

“Google.”

She laughs and, out of habit, I smile too. There’s nothing like Emma’s laugh.

“Where’s Theo?” I ask, not at all innocently.

“We had a fight. I think he went to study somewhere far away from me.”

I try to sit down next to her and console her, but Justin starts crying immediately. It looks like he wants us to be standing up.

We remain in silence for a couple of minutes, waiting for Emma’s breathing rhythm to get normal again.

“Have you started revising for the exams?” she asks with a tired voice.

“Yeah. Do you need help?”

“I’m good.”

Emma’s never been good at asking for help. She looks at me and Justin and puts her head in her hands.

“Why don’t you take a little nap?”

“I should.”

She kisses Justin on the forehead and goes to her room. I watch her dragging along the corridor and wonder why she and Theo argued.

I’m suddenly filled with a disgusting smell. I look down at Justin, with his big eyes just like his mother.

“Is that you?”

It’s definitely him.

I haven’t had the chance to change his diapers until now, it’s always been Emma or Alison. I go to Justin’s room and start looking for them. I always thought I had a hard time, now I understand that for Emma is much harder. When I put him down to start taking the diaper off, his little legs start kicking out in all directions. I’m glad diapers have little arrows, or I wouldn’t know how to do this.

Once he’s clean, we go back to the living room and sit down on the sofa to watch T.V. Justin starts falling asleep.

As soon as I press the red button, the T.V. screams at full volume and Arnold Schwarzenegger appears firing into the air fiercely. Justin cries and I turn it off.

I move sideways in a weird way, trying to make him fall back to sleep.

Alison walks in, talking on the phone, but hangs up as soon as she sees me. She smiles awkwardly. Emma’s mother doesn’t relax even on weekends. I can see, from the high heels and a dress that is nothing like what she wears on Saturdays, that she’s coming back from her office in the centre.

“Would you like something to drink, Nate?”

“No. Thanks, Alison.”

She kisses Justin on the forehead and I’m shocked at how similar to Emma she is. Then, she disappears behind her studio’s door.

I look down at Justin in my arms, and luckily he’s asleep again. I’m afraid of moving and waking him up. Does it mean I need to stay like this until Emma comes back?

The door opens with a slam and, even before turning around, I already know who it is. Justin starts crying again.

“Hi, Theo.”

CHAPTER 3Serendipity Café(TWO MONTHS LATER)

NATE

Emma returns to school today, so I get into the car and pick her up.

Emma… She’s got me feeling so confused. I don’t know why, I think I’m confusing myself. It’s clear she loves Theo and no one else, but I’m her son’s father. That must mean something.

I park outside her house and get out so I can see Justin. That kid is magical. A little smile and your worries are gone.

The scene isn’t the happiest one. Alison is holding my child and Emma is crying because she doesn’t want to leave him, she wants to stay with him.

“No,” Alison says firmly. “What kind of future will you provide him if you don’t finish your A Levels? He’ll be fine with me. I do have experience taking care of babies, remember?”

I take Emma’s hand and she glares at me. Her shoulder-length hair is no longer dyed black, and it's back to her natural brunette colour.

“We’ll go to school and come straight back, you won’t even notice,” I say.

“Yes, I’ll notice. I have to go to the bathroom every two hours, or else I’ll develop mastitis.”

Emma studies our faces and gives up. I don’t dare say anything else.

In the car, Daylight by Taylor Swift is on the radio. I like this song, so I hum. Emma doesn’t look too excited about the song, so she connects her phone and plays one of her Beatles’ playlists.

We arrive at school after fifteen minutes. Emma’s bad mood vanishes and stays calm the rest of the morning, though she spends every free second texting her mother. Peace is short-lived: at lunch, Bella tells us that Mark, the idiot, dumped her. She tells Emma, actually, as I already knew.

Emma looks at me clueless. Our friend is very sensitive, and we’re thrown by such calmness when she gives us the news.

“I’m fine, guys. Really.”

“Did he say why?” Emma asks.

“He wasn’t too specific, something about long-distance and stuff.”

Bella stops talking and dives into her creamy pasta. I don’t say anything, as I already know the real reason: Emma.

The day after Justin was born, Mark asked Bella to talk and she agreed to go to the Boundary Hotel, where he was staying. Instead of taking a walk by the hand around Shoreditch, that idiot broke up with her. He told her how sad he was, how much he loved Emma and how jealous he was of Theo. My friend was totally shocked.

But that didn’t end there. Mark started crying while telling her that he also loved her, but the best they could do was to finish things now that he was in Columbia and long-distance relationships were usually so much effort. Bella’s so kind she ended up comforting him.

The next afternoon, Bella came home to cry and insult him. I did too, there’s no one as big a wimp as Mark.

“I just can’t believe it,” my friend said. “I was going to Oxford and changed all my plans to be near him, and now he breaks up with me! And I even consoled him. I’ve got a PhD in Stupidity, that’s for sure.”

“No, he’s the one that’s stupid. You’re just the kindest person in the world, not a moron like him.”

We spent the rest of the night watching films and eating ice-cream. Bella chose all the Timothée Chalamet’s ones, he was the only one who could cheer her up.

And now Emma doesn’t know how wrecked our friend is, how broken Mark left her. Bella thinks there’s no point in telling her, she feels that would make her look pathetic. Anyways, I don’t think Emma could understand, even if she told her. She’s in her own world now.

The day’s been exhausting. And I don’t even have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of my son… I don’t know how Emma does it.

We walk to my car and then I spot it, a coffee shop I’ve never seen before. Serendipity Café. And next to the door, there’s a “Staff Wanted” sign.

“You go ahead, I’ll be right back,” I say and hand them the car keys so they can wait inside.

When I enter the place, I hear a crash and the sound of lots of plates shattering. I see a red mane behind the counter. I get closer and ask if she’s okay.

“Yes, totally fine. I’m used to this,” she says as she dusts off her pink blouse.

“You sure?”

“Very sure. Do you want the menu?”

“No, I’m here for the sign outside.”

“Ah, yes. I can’t handle everything on my own. I’ll get William, the manager.”

The mysterious girl disappears and comes back to ask my name. Her green eyes are curious. I can’t stop staring at her, there’s something hypnotic about her… Like when you watch a sunset and you’re simply unable to stop admiring it.

“Nate. Nate Davies.”

She leaves again, and comes back a second later with William, an almost-bald man shorter than me. He makes a gesture for me to follow him to his office, and the girl joins us.

“Lorelai, go back to work!”

Lorelai… What a weird name, but it suits her perfectly.

She rolls her eyes and heads back to where the clients are. I feel an urge to follow her, but I shouldn’t. Definitely not.

But then, why do I want her number? To ask her out? I don’t have time for that. I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date.

I’m not a good catch for anyone right now.

CHAPTER 4Middle Name: Disaster

LORELAI

I’m one of those socially awkward people that laugh during funerals because they don’t know how to behave. I’m one of those people that tell jokes in an elevator if the ride is too quiet. I’m one of those people that, with a single drop of alcohol, turn into a chatterbox and spill all her secrets.