Cutting more Ties That Bind E-Book

Phyllis Krystal

• Herausgeber: Sheema-Medien
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 383

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

This is the sequel to "Cutting the Ties That Bind" and contains advanced information that can be used to release ourselves from more complex systems that programme behaviours. These include familial and national customs - things we do without even thinking about them - role playing, acting out of superstition, fear of unmentioned taboos, old prejudices and fears that we accept blindly. This is the book that will make us "see" what we are doing; it will help us to be the kind of parents we wish we had! This very important book is a textbook for eff ective self-awareness that opens the door to a lifestyle for self-assured and happy people.

Leseprobe

Phyllis Krystal

Cutting More Ties That Bind

Releasing from Inhibiting Patterns

Phyllis Krystal

Cutting MoreTies That Bind

Releasing from Inhibiting Patterns

First revised edition

Bibliografische Information der Deutschen Bibliothek

Die Deutsche Bibliothek verzeichnet diese Publikation in der Deutschen Nationalbibliothek; detaillierte Daten sind im Internet über https://dnb.de abrufbar.

Imprint

Originally published by Element Books Limited, Longmead, Shaftsbury, Dorset, 1990

First US edition by Samuel Weiser, Inc. US, 1993

First Indian edition by Sai Towers, 1997

First revised edition

© Copyright 2020 Sheema Medien Verlag,

Cornelia Linder, Hirnsberger Str. 52, 83093 Antwort, Germany

© Phyllis Krystal Foundation, Stradun 319A, 7550 Scuol, Switzerland

Paperback: ISBN 978-3-948177-53-9

Hardcover: ISBN 978-3-948177-54-6

E-Book: ISBN 978-3-948177-55-3

www.phylliskrystal.com

www.sheema-verlag.de

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilised in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission of the copyright owner.

Published by Phyllis Krystal Foundation

Layout & Design by Dominik Haf, Schmucker-digital and Sheema Medien Verlag

Photo page 215 and backcover by Robert Niederhausen, © Phyllis Krystal Foundation

Published and printed by tredition GmbH, Halenreie 40-44, 22359 Hamburg

Ebook Production and Distribution: Brockhaus Commission, Kornwestheim, www.brocom.de

This book is not intended to be considered a legal, medical, or any other professional service. The information provided is not a substitute for professional advice or care. If you require or desire legal, medical, or other expert assistance, you should seek the service of a competent professional. The author, the publisher, the foundation and their employees and agents are not liable for any damages arising from or in connection with the use of or reliance on any information contained in this book.

I dedicate this book to Sri Sathya Sai Baba, whose life and teachings are an inspirational example of a true educator in every sense of the word.

Phyllis Krystal

Content

Preface of the Editor / First Revised Edition

Preface of the Author

Acknowledgments

Introduction

PART I

Reprogramming and Preparation of Adults and Teachers

Cutting Ties To Parents and Other Techniques

The Tree

Negative Emotions

The Inner House

The Inner Child

The Black Cloud

Sathya Sai Baba

Education in Human Values

Truth

Right Action

Peace

Love

Non-Violence

Ceiling on Desires

Preparing for Parenthood

Preparation for the Birth of a Child

Choosing a Midwife or Doctor

Bonding the Baby with the Parents

Naming a Child

Baptism and Godparents

The Birth Chart

The Early Years: Pre-Puberty

Techniques for use with Younger Children

The Maypole

The Figure Eight

The Triangle

The Tree and Cosmic Parents

Using the Jack to Overcome Fear

Nightmares

The Beach Ball

The Cylinder

The Scales and Signposts for Decision-Making

The Mandala and Pyramid for Developing the Four Functions

The Mandala

Pyramid

Puberty Rites

Love

Parental Control

How Teachers can Help

The Maypole

The Circle of Golden Light

Addictions

PART II

Who are We and Why are We Here?

Why Are We Here?

Who is Your Puppeteer?

Early Conditioning

Symbols

Detaching Ourselves from Roles

Men and Women

Male and Female Roles

Son and Daughter

Brother and Sister

Grandson and Grand-daughter

Mother and Father

Grandparents

Other Roles

Balloon and Nest-of-dolls Roles

The Balloon

The Nest of Dolls

The Hour Glass

The Effect of Roles on Future Relationships

Identification with Occupation or Profession

Inherited and Behavioural Patterns

Projection of Animus and Anima

Sub-Personalities

Hall of Mirrors

Using Clay Models to Symbolise Aspects of the Personality

Freedom from Fear of Rejection

Traditions, Customs and Mores

Prejudices

National Characteristics

Individual Attachments

World Religions and their Effects

Christianity

The Protestant Church

Judaism

Mormonism

Communism

Reincarnation and Karma

Past Lives

The Persian Woman

The Japanese Girl

The Jew

The Tibetan

A life at the time of Jesus

Lextra

Dreams

Universal Symbols

Animals

Yin and Yang

Moving Vehicles, Transportation

Bodies of Water

Thoroughfares

Personal Dream Symbolism

Thought and Thought-Forms

Annex: Cutting from a Symbol

Index

About the Author

The Editor

Preface of the Editor / First Revised Edition

Once Phyllis received the Method “Cutting the Ties that Bind”, she became committed to spreading the Method to as many people as possible exactly the way she had been shown. The Phyllis Krystal Foundation is happy to present you with this revised edition of the book, first published in 1990.

This version of the book is identical to the original except that:

1) Passages highlighted in grey have been added by the editor, containing additional information given by Phyllis Krystal since the first edition from 1990.

2) The editor has made the subject of sentences gender neutral except where the examples specifically relate to a male or female subject.

Preface of the Author

In the first book, readers are shown how to detach themselves from the more obvious outer security symbols or controlling factors in their lives, such as parents, teachers, family members, partners and friends, as well as material objects and aims such as money, jobs, cars, houses and various addictions.

But, after a person is free from these outer controls, there are many inner ones, to be released. These include inherited characteristics, character traits, familial behavioural patterns, religious and family affections, and a multitude of other influences to which we are heir as soon as we are born and take our place as members of a family.

After the first book had come out, specific techniques were forthcoming which clearly belonged in another book – this one.

Both my previous books had been started during visits to see Sathya Sai Baba in India. While staying at his ashram, I was able to concentrate for long uninterrupted periods, which is rarely the case during my very busy life at home, when my days are full, working with people individually, conducting seminars, answering the many letters and telephone calls requesting help, in addition to running a house and carrying out the duties of wife, mother, grandmother and friend. So, again, I decided to start the actual writing of this book on our next visit to Baba.

When we arrived in India, I discovered that the stage had already been set. Baba’s very first question was, ‘How is the new book and what is the title?’ At that time I had given no thought to the choice of a title and was startled by the question which, from Baba’s amused expression, was quite obviously his intention. I replied that it would probably be something like, Cutting the Ties that Bind, Part Two. On hearing this, he made a wry grimace and shook his head, indicating that he was not at all happy with that suggestion. He elaborated by saying, ‘Swami does not like that at all.’ So I quickly mentioned that my husband had chosen the titles for the first two books. Sidney replied that he could not provide a title until he had read the book, and it was only just being started. With that, Baba turned back to me with a questioning look, so I quickly asked him if he would supply the title. He smilingly agreed, saying, ‘Swami will.’ But how or when he would do so I had no idea. I was well aware that he would not necessarily tell me verbally, since he invariably discourages people from relying too heavily on his physical form or spoken word. Instead, he expects them to seek within, to receive their answers from the inner spark of divinity, what I have learned to call the High C. I, therefore, concentrated on writing the book and put the title out of my mind for the time being.

In addition to Baba’s direct personal encouragement, I was given other very practical aids to allow me to concentrate on the task with minimal distractions. We had made an arrangement with an American couple to occupy our room at the ashram in our absence, which they had been doing since Baba’s sixtieth birthday in November 1985. They had supervised tiling the floors to make it easier to clean in that very dusty place and the installation of netting at the open windows as protection from the voracious mosquitoes and other little creatures flying around in search of victims.

When we arrived, we were amazed and delighted with what greeted us. There were wooden frames to raise the mattresses from the floor, bookshelves and kitchen cabinets and even attractive curtains at the windows. It looked delightfully inviting. They had also arranged for a pleasant young Indian woman to cook for them and invited us to join them for the meals she prepared daily. So I was spared many of the usual time-consuming chores and could concentrate on writing. I daily gave thanks, both to Baba and to the American couple.

As I discovered when starting the other two books, when I was in Baba’s physical presence, the ideas began to flow so fast and easily that I found it hard to put them into words and onto paper.

After a while I began to notice that though most of the subject matter followed the original theme, now and then what I found myself writing seemed to be irrelevant. I began to wonder if my mind could be playing tricks on me. As I continued to observe these seeming by-lanes along which it was straying, they started to fit together into a recognisable pattern. The common theme appeared to be a more successful education of children in contrast to the way most adults have been raised.

All of a sudden, as with the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, everything fell into place and the words ‘education’ and ‘re-education’ flashed into my mind. I immediately realised that not only had the title been given to me but the format of the book itself had been abruptly changed and expanded. Instead of the original theme I had conceived, the book would now be in two parts. The book that I had originally envisaged would now become Part-II. Part-I would be new, and would include suggestions or guidelines to help parents and teachers to bring up children in such a way that each child would be encouraged to express his or her true nature with as little overlay from outer sources as possible. So the book would cover both education of children and re-education of adults who had not had the advantage of being taught in such an enlightened way.

The next time I saw Baba, I volunteered that I thought he had given me a better title for the book and told him what had come to my mind. He smiled broadly and said, ‘Yes, Swami likes that much better.’ Of course, I now understood that the whole theme fits perfectly into Baba’s mission of concentrating primarily on presenting a more complete and satisfactory method of education than now exists throughout the world. He says that the world will change for the better only if the children of today are taught to live according to basic human values, particularly love. Then, when they mature and take their places in the many diverse institutions in their own countries, they will be prepared to put into practice the moral training they have been given in addition to the regular academic knowledge. Baba often points out that most adults have become too set in their ways and fixed in their attitudes to be capable of much change, whereas children and young people are more malleable and open to direction.

I had considered the original theme to be quite intimidating in its scope. Now, with this unexpected addition, it was positively overwhelming. However, a comforting thought quickly presented itself. How could I forget, even for a minute, that I, as an individual ego, would not be writing this book any more than I had the other two? By seeking contact with the High C, I would, as before, receive it piece by piece from the source. In doing so, I would be gaining further practice in relying solely on that wise, loving and real part of myself.

However, this method of writing can be most disconcerting at times. Since it is not controlled by the ego, patience needs to be cultivated when the natural flow stops and appears to have dried up, often for extended periods. I have gradually learned to sense when the time is right and avoid trying to use force when it no longer flows easily. In retrospect, I always see how perfect the timing has been whenever I surrender my personal ego to the High C and trust it to direct me when the time is right and accept whenever that may be. But this attitude is in direct opposition to all that most people have been taught, and old habits die hard.

During our stay at the ashram, Baba frequently inquired how the book was progressing and from time to time made remarks which showed me that he was silently supervising it.

At our farewell interview, I handed him the sheaf of pages 1 had by then written in my illegible handwriting that he had once referred to as crow’s feet scratches. As he riffled through the pages, I asked if it was the way he wished it to be. He turned quickly away from scanning the sheets and with his extraordinary eyes penetrating to my very depths, said, ‘No, that is incorrect. Is it the way you think it should be?’ He stressed the word ‘you’, as he pointed his forefinger at me and looked deep into my soul. Again, he was reminding me that I must learn to rely, not on him personally, but on my real Self deep within me. As his eyes pierced the shell of my body, mind and emotions, I experienced an intense understanding that this inner Self is the only part he really sees. It is as if he bypasses our frail and faulty personalities in order to make contact with our real Self. His message to me was that I must constantly turn within to consult It and allow It to guide me. Baba’s human form, living in India, is here to remind all who will listen that this inner teacher to which we all have access, whenever we seek It within instead of outside ourselves, is our true Self.

Many times since then, while writing, I have vividly recalled his gaze and, turning within, have asked for direction and waited for thoughts to enter my mind after I have emptied it of its flurry of worries, questions and doubts. With practice it becomes easier to make this drastic change away from the way we have all been taught to seek our answers and security from external experiences, from books and other people.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank, first and foremost, the High C, the unchanging Reality, resident within all, for help in supplying the various techniques and symbols whenever I or others have requested help. This, of course, to me includes Sathya Sai Baba who symbolises the High C in human form.

Secondly, I thank all the individuals and groups who have diligently used the symbols and have thus imbued them with power.

I also thank those who have been willing to give their time and energy to join me, and other partners, on the Triangle to seek help for the many who, for various reasons, were unable to participate in person. One of these helpers is my daughter, Sheila, who in addition offered to take on the heroic task of painstakingly editing this manuscript. It is an invaluable help since she uses the work in her practice as a psychologist and, therefore, she is well placed to determine whether the text is accurate and clearly explained.

I also owe a very big debt of gratitude to Peggy Lenney for so generously offering to type the many drafts of the manuscript until, at last, it was complete.

And, lastly, I thank my husband Sidney for his continued support and helpful suggestions.

Introduction

In my first book, Cutting the Ties That Bind, I set forth a method of counselling based on the understanding that our true identity is not, as many people believe, the temporary and imperfect body or the personality. It is much more than that. It is the inner, permanent and perfect Self which I refer to as the High C – the Higher Consciousness. Most people are unaware of It because It is hidden from sight, unlike the outer physical form.

The method given in this book is designed to help individuals make contact with this inner reality and allow It to guide them in their daily lives as only It is wise enough to do.

The techniques and symbols employed can help those who choose to use them to cut the ties to any controlling factors which prevent them from following the directions of their High C. These include people, things, desires and beliefs and thought-systems that have control over them.

We cannot serve two masters, nor can we be guided solely by the High C, our one reliable inner mentor, until the distraction or control by all the other security symbols is removed. Only then can we know who we really are and be at peace.

Since this method was first defined, there have been many new developments.

I have been working more extensively with children and teenagers and, in the process, it has become apparent that the work can be very helpful in raising and educating children. But so that this system can be successfully used with them, it is necessary for parents and other adults concerned with their training to experience the work themselves and then to be willing to use it in their own lives in order to enable them to introduce it to children.

Accordingly, this book is divided into two parts. The first contains methods of applying the work to children, together with suggestions for understanding and using it by parents and others responsible for their training. Included in this part are certain teachings of Sathya Sai Baba that supplement and implement the work.

The second part presents new insights and more advanced techniques. It gives instructions on how to release oneself from the larger, multiple, more complex systems that have programmed our behaviour in specific ways. These include the familial and national customs, religious and political affiliations, the various roles people play, the hats they wear, superstitions and taboos, prejudices and fears, and a host of other influences to which we are all heir as soon as we are born and again as we take our places as members of a family. This part also includes material on reincarnation and dream interpretation.

It ends with a brief summary of the most recent work on negative thought-forms. We have all contributed some energy to these, by our negative thoughts, in this as in past lives. Also considered are various addictions, with the powerful thought-forms to which they are attached; it is these forces that control the addicts, and that is why it is so hard to break away from such compulsions.

This book, like the first two, is the result of learning to consult the inner guide within everyone whether or not we are aware of it. I shall be referring to this inner reservoir of wisdom and love as the High C, or Higher Consciousness, as I did in my first book on the subject. With practice, we can succeed in breaking with the old ways in which we have all been taught to seek answers and security from outer influences, such as people, books and various thought-systems, and to arrive at this very different but more effective way of finding the answers within ourselves.

PART I

Reprogramming and Preparation of Adults and Teachers

Surely, the first requisite for a more successful system of educating children is the re-education of adults, precisely because children are, of necessity, trained by adults, both parents and teachers. Consequently, adults need to be re-educated in a manner very different from their own original indoctrination.

The chain-reaction that can be observed in patterns of behaviour handed down from one generation to the next must be broken. This will allow human beings to develop into self-reliant, independent, mature men and women, free to make choices between what is currently appropriate and the often outmoded or negative patterns handed down to them through their family heritage. These old patterns can be so constricting that change and progress become impossible for those imprisoned by them. We so often mechanically and unthinkingly echo whatever we have heard all our lives without even questioning whether it is true or useful in day-to-day life. Many people live through an entire lifetime automatically following inherited patterns of behaviour whether they are currently practical or not.

All the more primitive species learn by the repetition of tried and proven behaviour, either as directly taught by their parents or as copied from them. In this way it is imprinted on their nervous systems and acts as a defence against attack, hunger and other problems they may encounter. It allows them instinctively to know how and when to react.

But, though human beings are like animals in many ways, they do not live solely on the instinctive plane. They possess the abilities of thinking, reasoning, questioning and being creative in many ways in addition to eating, sleeping and producing offspring. Therefore, they are able individually to form new habits to fit changing times and conditions.

In the last fifty years there have been more drastic changes than in any comparable period in history. These changes have provided many advantages, but at the same time they have also created more problems. Such has been the pace of change that we have been forced to make many huge adjustments in a very short space of time. The result is a great deal of general confusion and insecurity.

At present there exists throughout the world an acute need to reshape the systems of education in order to give children growing up in this rapidly changing scene some very necessary new guidelines. These could replace those that are either totally missing or are so outmoded that they are of little practical use in present-day society. This situation has caused disorder, licence, depravity, addiction to drugs, alcoholism, sexual confusion, violence, delinquency and depression, often leading to youthful suicides.

When the essential meaning of life is no longer taught, either verbally or through example, our children grow up in a seemingly senseless but sense-dominated world that provides no emotional or spiritual sustenance. They then begin to crave for – they know not what. To satisfy this inner hunger, they turn desperately to anyone or anything that holds out even the slightest promise of assuaging it. Hence, the proliferation of multisexual encounters, the enormously increased reliance on drugs, alcohol, violent films and television shows, salacious books and magazines and even certain forms of ‘pop’ meditation. All these either overstimulate them, and in that way distract them from their pain and hunger, or dull their perceptions by numbing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.

This part will, therefore, be a summary or overview of my first book. It will prepare parents and teachers by first showing them how to free themselves of the old negative conditioning and to avoid passing it on to the children under their care.

Many people will resist this idea as being highly impractical, citing the old saw, ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’ But humans are not animals, though they do share many attributes. They have many advantages over other species, the most important one being free will. They are therefore not obliged to continue outmoded habits. Changing them may involve a great deal of hard work, but with determination, and the help of the High C, it is most certainly possible.

They will then be in a better position to bring children up in such a way that their innate abilities and personalities are allowed to flower, instead of being masked by the ideas of their educators.

Obviously, parents and teachers and all other figures of authority in a child’s life need to be acutely aware of their very important roles in teaching and programming the children with whom they are closely associated. Only by training children, the future citizens of each country, is it possible for a change of consciousness to be brought about in the world, composed as it is of countries, organisations and families all containing individuals.

Only when adults sincerely try to apply to their own personal lives the time-tested human values comprising the world-wide and many-faceted heritage outlined in the various ancient teachings can they become capable of teaching them to the children who come under their influence.

By ancient teachings, I refer to the original truth received by inspired teachers, sages and seers through the ages. This truth has been lost to sight beneath the accretion of man-made embellishments. Regrettably, it is the latter on which the various disciplines have been built. But they are now fast crumbling or are already lost. This is as it should be if the original truth is to be reclaimed and presented in a form more appropriate to the times. The Shiva (or Destroyer) energy is at work, whereby old rigidified guidelines are being demolished in many areas to make room for new growth to break through. It is similar to the way a field must be ploughed before fresh seeds can be planted to produce a new crop.

At present we are all living in an interim period, watching the rapid demolition of many old and familiar patterns to which we have become so accustomed that they represent security. As yet there are no clear indications of the kinds of new patterns which might eventually replace them.

Very few people are comfortable in unfamiliar situations. These can be most anxiety-producing to some for the simple reason that they may not have had the experience to help themselves to handle them. No one likes to feel at a loss or inadequate. For those who are aware of the current changes taking place everywhere, these are very difficult and frequently bewildering times in which to be alive.

All species feel more comfortable with parameters or guidelines, even if some individuals may often wish to discard them and live free of restraint. Invariably, such rebellion ends in disaster, just as a runaway vehicle lacking control or direction eventually crashes.

First, before anyone can be taught new patterns of behaviour, the old and inappropriate ones must be relinquished. For this reason, I always suggest to couples who are planning to start a family that they work through some of the techniques from my first book before they embark on their new joint venture of parenthood.

First, the clearly observable chain-reaction proceeding from one generation to the next must be broken so that each new generation is free from any of the old negative conditioning that so often prevents growth. It is very simply expressed by the biblical quotation, ‘The sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the children to the third and fourth generation.’ Children react to parents either by copying them or rebelling against their identity, and how they behave and what they teach. But both such reactions inhibit their ability to express themselves freely and, consequently, restrict their development (or restrain their full development).

It is therefore imperative for prospective parents to cut the binding ties to each of their own parents, surrogate parents, or other authority figures. They themselves must be free to make contact with the High C and to henceforth receive instruction and direction from that inner source instead of from outer ones associated with their own hopes and fears, habits and objectives.

Cutting Ties To Parents and Other Techniques

The first step before cutting the ties to parents is to prevent intrusion, control or coercion from any outer sources by delineating and protecting one’s inner space or territory. This is accomplished by using the Figure Eight (described in Cutting the Ties that Bind). A person is directed to visualise, think of, or imagine on the ground all around them a golden circle with a radius the length of their arm with the fingers extended. This circle sets the limits of the holy ground or temenos, as the Greeks named it, space or territory, to use current terms. If the person is more than usually vulnerable, this circle can be imagined extending upward to form a cylinder all around him as high as feels comfortable and protective. Another golden circle about the same size, and containing one of the parents, is imagined on the ground immediately in front of them, the two circles just touching without overlapping. It will be easily seen that the Figure Eight has been formed. However, the two circles alone do not prevent intrusion or projection by either person into the other’s territory. To free both from invasion or control by the other, a neon blue light is visualised, imagined or actually drawn on paper, starting at the point where the two circles touch. It flows first around the parent’s circle in a clockwise direction, and back to where they touch. It continues around the person’s left side, around their back to the right side, and back again to where they touch. It then flows around the Figure Eight continuously. The neon blue light has the effect of drawing each person’s projections into their own circle, rather like disentangling the tentacles of two octopuses entwined in each other’s grasp.

This visualisation needs to be practised daily for two minutes upon awakening, again just before going to sleep and at intervals during the day, for two weeks. The actual exercise for severing the tight constricting ties between the two people can then be undertaken. Briefly, it involves visualising or feeling one or more bonds connecting the person and his parents, and mentally removing and destroying them in whatever way is indicated by the High C. The next step involves a ritual in which the person thanks the parent for all the learning gained from the relationship, asks the parent for forgiveness for any wrongs perpetrated against him or her and requests the High C to forgive them for any wrongs against themselves for which the parent has been responsible. The parent is then asked to leave the inner space, which allows more direct contact with the High C, the only true authority. A ritual bath to remove all overlay of the parent’s attitudes completes the ritual.

Separate rituals should be undertaken for each parent and any other individuals responsible for early conditioning or programming. This method successfully frees a person from the overlay of old patterns learned from the parents during childhood which do not necessarily allow expression of the real personality.

After the cutting ritual, it is helpful to compile two lists, one for each parent, setting forth the positive and negative attributes of each. These help to determine where one has copied and where one has rebelled against the model of conduct they have presented to them. Unless these qualities are clearly seen, it is difficult for a person to decide where any correction of habits, attitudes or other learned characteristics is needed in their own behaviour. Only when they have freed themselves in this way are prospective parents able to rear their own children more effectively by helping them to reveal their true personalities instead of projecting on to them their own hopes, ideals, expectations, preferences and other inherited patterns as so many parents usually do.

Unlike animals, human beings have free will and have the right to decide for themselves whether to follow a slow evolutionary path or to work to eradicate their faults and weaknesses. They can then detach themselves from past mistakes and be free to start living more positively in the present under the guidance of the High C.

Many other exercises outlined in the previous book would greatly aid prospective parents in preparing for their own children. I will merely refer to each of them here and suggest that the reader study these steps, described in the first book.

The Tree

The Tree technique, whereby prospective parents make contact with their own version of the inner Cosmic Parents, which together form the High C, is most helpful. So many people have had unhappy relationships with one or both parents and find the discovery of their own inner ones a tremendous comfort and support. Many people have never received love in a form they can accept and have not been taught either how to give love or how to receive it, simply because the parents themselves were not given loving role models by their parents. When they make contact with these loving inner parents they find they can receive from them the love that they had always longed for. They can then allow it to flow through them to other people.

Negative Emotions

The various techniques for detaching oneself from negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, jealousy and envy, to name just a few, are an excellent preparation for assuming the responsibility of rearing children, who frequently stir up all manner of unpleasant reactions in parents unless they have released these feelings beforehand. Often parents will vent their anger on their children over some trifling incident. Their child often has no idea how they have evoked such an exaggerated outburst.

The Inner House

Working with the Inner House and setting it in order is another very helpful undertaking, since the house is a symbol of the entire self with the various rooms representing all its parts. The actual house in which they live can also be cleaned and put in order at the same time, which greatly emphasises the message to the subconscious.

The Inner Child

Identifying the Inner Child, attending to its needs and giving it love and attention to help that part of the personality to grow to the same age as the rest of the personality is extremely important. Otherwise, there is apt to be a conflict between the Inner Child of each parent and the outer physical child they bring into their lives.

The Black Cloud

If a Black Cloud is suspected as a negative influence on either of the parents’ families, it should by all means be dissipated before a child is born into a family. These negative inherited memories can be triggered at any time if one of the members of a family faces a situation that is reminiscent of old family traumas.

The above techniques or exercises are recommended as indispensable for prospective parents. However, it would of course be very helpful if they would both go through the rest of the exercises described in Cutting the Ties that Bind to remove anything else that could cause problems while their children are growing up.

We all feel more secure when we have clear guidelines to direct us in our daily lives. That is one reason why some old customs continue to be followed despite the fact that many of them have either degenerated into senseless rules or are no longer relevant to life at the present time.

Children tend to learn more easily and quickly by example than by words. If parents live according to high moral standards, their children are more likely to follow their lead.

If, on the other hand, the parents teach one thing but do another, children are quick to detect the inconsistency and become confused.

During my childhood in England, I was quoted as repeatedly having said to my mother from a very early age, ‘You tell me not to lie, but you do it all the time. That’s not fair.’ This reaction is typical of young children before they have become too inhibited to express themselves freely. It is very easy to teach others but that is not enough. Children need to be shown by the example of elders and teachers the type of behaviour and practices which match their teachings. Not all teachers have high standards, so discrimination is needed to distinguish between those who only teach the truth and those who also practise it.

Sathya Sai Baba

Many years after I first started to receive the counselling method I use, I heard about Sathya Sai Baba, a world teacher who lives in Southern India. He was born in 1926 in a tiny remote village and has been quietly and patiently teaching all those who are willing to listen to his message which, like that of Jesus and other spiritual teachers of the past, is based on unselfish love.

Since 1972, when I first heard about Baba, I have visited him many times in India and have been able to watch him in many different situations and with thousands of people.

No ordinary human being could do even a fraction of what he accomplishes every single day, year after year. Each day’s activities represent a superhuman feat which I doubt anyone could match. And he accomplishes it all with such unhurried, unruffled serenity and, above all, with immense love. Sai Baba’s life is his message, as he often avers. I have certainly found this to be true. Experiencing Sai Baba’s influence is a challenge to bring our lives into line with his teachings. In so doing, we can give a clear example to others who may be in need of guidance.

Sai Baba, in his wisdom, knows that we all need to be taught carefully and clearly, one step at a time, like children. So he has initiated several different programmes to help all those who wish to advance, each at his own pace, and bring their lives in line with his teachings.

Particularly at present there is an acute need for ground rules or a model upon which we can mould our lives. This could help to provide a clearer picture of how far short we fall from the model we have chosen to follow. For how can we sense when our lives and behaviour are out of line unless we have a well-defined outline to follow which we know really works?

From my personal experience, as well as that of many with whom I have worked individually and in groups, Sai Baba’s few simple and clear programmes have proved to be an excellent and workable system. They can help all those who so desire to work on themselves. Eventually, they will discover who they really are beneath the many coverings of habits, desires and roles which hide their real self not only from their own view, but also from the eyes of others.

So I shall use Sai Baba’s models first to illustrate how people can conduct their own lives and, secondly, how to train their children. However, I do not wish to convey the impression that Baba’s is the only way. It is important, in fact imperative, to choose a model that really works, and continue to use it until the results are experienced. I will keep my presentation of Baba’s teachings as brief as possible. If more details are desired, there are many books devoted entirely to his teachings taken from his numerous discourses, as well as many others written by devotees citing their own experiences.

Essentially, Baba teaches that love is the most important and effective force in the universe. One of his oft-quoted sayings illustrates this point: ‘Start the day with love, spend the day with love, fill the day with love, end the day with love. That is the way to God.’ Now that sounds wonderful and we are all inclined to agree, but do we practise it, even occasionally during the day, let alone all day? We argue that we are too busy, that life is too hectic, that we forget. These are excuses. If we could practise it even a small part of the time, now and then, we would begin to observe that our lives gradually, almost imperceptibly, do become calmer and less rushed. We would also find we had time for much more than we ever dreamed possible.

Baba further advises that we should undertake everything we do as an act of worship. That means that when we are faced with an unpleasant or menial task we should do it as an offering to the universal God-force. Likewise, when the occasion arises to serve another person, instead of doing so with a subservient attitude, a patronising one, or feeling resentful or put-upon, ‘we should consider the other person as a manifestation of God. This is true even though it is often buried out of sight behind an unpleasant personality.

Baba does not advocate the exclusive use of routines and rituals in our present period of history. He recommends that, instead of rigidly adhering to a fixed programme of meditation, prayer and other practices, we should endeavour to live the entire day as a continuous meditation. Baba materialised for me a japamala which is like a rosary. It is composed of 108 crystal beads. When I asked him if I should use a mantra with it for meditation, he said, ‘No, it must be continuous meditation all day.’

Education in Human Values

Baba’s Education in Human Values (EHV) programme can be very helpful for parents and teachers as well as for children of all ages. In preparing for parenthood, it can be used to help both parents to compare their lifestyle with this model. The basic tenets are Truth, Right Action, Peace, Love and Non-Violence. The list may be rather intimidating at first glance. However, when it is broken down in detail, it proves to be a most practical and positive method for guiding both children and adults towards a more fulfilling way of life.

Naturally, parents and teachers will find that they are not able to put all these values into practice immediately. It takes time to weed out old negative habits, attitudes, thoughts and feelings to make room for more positive ones to take their place. Only one small step at a time should be attempted, otherwise the prospect of such a colossal task can become overwhelming.

In my counselling work, I use a method which has proved to be very helpful in clarifying the steps. I suggest to the person with whom I am working that they purchase a package of multi-coloured postcards or paper. They can designate a card of a chosen colour to represent each of the five tenets. For instance, a pink card could be for love, a white card for truth, blue for peace, yellow for right action, and green for non-violence.

It is advisable to allow one week at a time to work on each value. After that they can be repeated as often as required. Daily incidents that indicate whether the particular value has been adhered to, or the reverse, can be recorded on the applicable card each day. This record gives a very clear picture of how far a person is succeeding in applying these principles to daily life. Merely reading or hearing about such a programme is not enough. It is necessary to apply it and experience it in action to bring about the necessary changes in oneself in the context of everyday life. Only then are the teachings absorbed on many levels and not solely by the mind.

Truth

So, in the first week, Truth could be the subject under scrutiny. If the adults responsible for teaching children are not adhering to truth in their lives, how can they expect the children to learn to be truthful? There are many different aspects to truth besides the obvious one of honesty or telling the truth. Thoughts, attitudes and actions need to be checked against this value, as well as words. So, thought, word and deed must be integrated and based in Truth.

Right Action

It is difficult to find one word to give a precise interpretation of the Sanskrit word dharma, but the nearest equivalent in English is probably Right Action. It literally means the intrinsic nature of a person or thing, that which makes it what it is, its essential essence – or aroma, its ‘isness’. A bell has a tone, a flower a perfume, a fruit a taste which is its own. A pomegranate cannot taste like an apple. Likewise, a man’s dharma cannot be the same as a dog’s, a butterfly’s or an oak’s dharma. Nor can one man’s specific duty be the same as another man’s.

Everyone and everything in the world contains a spark of divinity clothed or housed in a certain tangible form through which it can be manifested. It is similar to electricity, which needs to be harnessed to, or directed through, different appliances or avenues to create certain effects. It can heat through a fire, a heating pad or an oven; cool through a freezer, a fan or an air-conditioning system, and so on. The universal God-force is manifested in the world through the multitudes of things, minerals, plants, animals and human beings.

People need to make an effort to allow this force to be expressed in their lives since they alone possess the free will to make that choice. In other words, it means surrendering to the High C their true identity and obeying Its subtle directions instead of allowing the five senses, with their myriad attachments and desires, to control their lives.

So, when we understand and start to live according to Right Action, or are inwardly directed by the High C, we will find that we are in the right place, at the right time, engaged in the right activity, for the right reason or motive.

Actually, the only way Right Action can be successfully incorporated into our lives is by daily asking the High C to express Itself through us. That will circumvent the habitual ego-motivated way of life so apparent in the world today.

I have found it helpful to start each day by asking in meditation for the High C to think, speak, feel and act through me and to remember to use as a mantra, ‘Surrender, Trust and Accept’, throughout the day. This daily practice helps me to bring about Right Action in my life.

When we have begun to understand Truth, Right Action will naturally follow and when they have become habitual, peace, love and non-violence will naturally be incorporated into our lives.

Peace