Enslaved E-Book

Klarrie Reese

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 310

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

The german answer to 50 shades of grey hype When Marie begins a sexual relationship with Nikolas, she has no idea that this man will recognize her maso-devoteside.But what begins as an interesting sex adventure develops into a sex psycho crime. It's only when she almost loses her life that she tries to break away from the manipulation trap. But that man with whom she has the best sex of her life is not the one she thinks to get rid of him. Marie is addicted under a spell of a manipulating Psychopath. Marie is superior to the half-hearted and harmless 50 shades of grey romance. Their orgasms are total distance. Her story shows us, pain can go deeper than pleasure.

Leseprobe

Klarrie Reese

Enslaved

The True Story of Marie K.

1

IMPULSE

It wasn’t spring yet, nor was it still winter. I was wearing a heavy coat when I entered his apartment for the first time. He was polite, took my coat and had no resemblance to the pictures he had revealed of himself. He had dark hair, wore a beard and was short. The beginnings of his belly could not be concealed any more than the fact that he did not exercise. Candles, jazz - he had made an effort.

His nagging about good wine, especially rosé, which he seemed to like, didn’t impress me at all. I was a head taller than him.

Everything that was to come, it had long since been decided at that moment when something forced me to my knees before I had even touched my glass. How can that be? I followed a manipulating energy. As if drawn by a magnet, I slipped out of my beautiful, old, armchair-like furniture with light blue upholstery and kneeled on the floor, my arms behind my back, one hand placed nimbly in the other. Why did I do that? No one taught me to, no one said so. I lowered my head, closed my eyes and felt deep within. The legs of the chair rattled across the hardwood floor. I thought about how he should put these small, self-adhesive flow stains underneath. He stood before me, his hand reached under my chin and then raised my head.

“Open your eyes. Look at me.” His voice no longer sounded shrill and I smelled the wine on his breath as he bent down to me. His gaze was steady, his eyes beautiful. A fleeting smile appeared on his face. I felt comfort flowing into my body. His hand firmly grasped my hair. I could hear the metal studs clacking on his belt as he pulled them through the buckle. My thoughts slowly relinquished and ceased fighting their way into my consciousness. With a calm movement, one hand still in my hair, pulling my head back, he opened his pants with the other and pushed his hard cock into my mouth. By then I had been in the apartment for all of five minutes.

One week before.

MONDAY

“Good morning, Marie, greetings from Nikolas in Wilmersdorf.” 6:25 a.m.

“What are you doing now?” 9:10 a.m.

His first Tinder messages reached me in a meeting with a customer. The red cheeks, his hand under his chin, on his profile photo he looked into the distance with the boyish abstraction of a 25-year-old.

“Come here!”

“I need you here.” 9:50 a.m.

“Lie with me until I have to go.”

“Then stay a little longer, enjoy the morning!” 10:20 a.m.

“Answer me!” 11:05 a.m.

The second photo showed him on the phone, casually in a black T-shirt and shorts. Pink! A golden cell phone in his left hand, a feminine grasp with thumb and middle finger. The gaze, absent, directed at his right hand, as if he were neither the recipient nor the initiator of this telephone call.

“Do you want sex?”

“Come.”

“Answer!” 1:20 p.m.

I didn’t see the 43-year-old doctor, the father, the sadist, the manipulator, the pathological liar, the swine, the brilliant fucker that he was, nor the needy one longing for normality. He looked young and blond against the light. Thus I sensed something from these pictures that only became clear to me much later.

“I have to fuck you, love.”

“Touch your wonderful body.”

“Say something!”

“Now!” 3:45 p.m.

Two new projects consumed my attention and concentration, helping to resist further hours of attraction caused by these few words. I was still just looking at them. Reading them over and over again.

“What are you doing now?”

“Come here!” 8:00 p.m.

“I have to touch you!” 8:50 p.m.

He had me at first. How absolute and calculating his underlying “trial and error” Tinder tactic was. Injuring me only eight months later when I became Katharina.

“I want to get to know you.” 10:09 p.m.

“When are we going to have sex?” 11:37 p.m.

For a single day and the following night I managed not to respond. Every ten minutes I opened the app, that I had only been using for a short time. The cell phone lying in front of me from now on – I would be changed by my first Tinder contact. Why did I say my real name?

TUESDAY

“Good morning, Marie.” 6:10 a.m.

“I want to have sex with you.”

“Come here” 6:20 a.m.

“I feel like licking you now and then viciously massaging you to the end with my hand.” 6:25 a.m.

“And when you have had a good come, I want you to remain there lying naked.”

“For instance, have a glass of wine …”

“… and then leave at some point.” 6:31 a.m.

The messages from Nikolas flashed threateningly closer into my head, from which I simply am unable to banish him even to this day.

“Where are you?” 9:43 a.m.

The sound of the Tinder messages triggered an inner unrest that kept me from working. I knew I would answer. I consciously let myself be drawn in and greedily drifted towards the new. A journey that would change me and everything else.

“In the office.” 10:50 a.m.

“When do you get off work?” 10:55 a.m.

“Why?” 10:56 a.m.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” 10:56 a.m.

“Tonight you will come to my place.” 10:57 a.m.

“And follow your urge.” 11:15 a.m.

He had already manipulated his way into my brain.

They restructured the bank. New teams were formed. We were now called “development advisors” and were supposed to get out more to our clients. Soon we would be sitting in open-plan offices. A lot colleagues were uncertain. They now called it “service” and I liked the idea of no longer having to go to the office every day, but instead going directly to the companies submitting the application. One session followed the other these days. Boring meetings, ran by equally boring management consultants who only knew in theory how a production operation works. The Berlin authorities were in a savings frenzy – consolidate, rationalize. Suddenly, young men in sneakers appeared, calling themselves “CEO” or “managing director” and insisted on being addressed by their first names. In a mix of English and German, left over from some bankrupt start-up, they were now supposed to make the authorities more dynamic. And so it was at our bank, which virtually belonged to the city. Endless PowerPoint battles, at the end of which no one knew what it was all about. The message was clear. It would all be different whether I understood the charts or not. That’s how I began writing to Nikolas.

“Say something!” 1:44 p.m.

“I don’t know what to say. I have so many questions.” 1:46 p.m.

“Ask.” 1:46 p.m.

“Who are you? I don’t know you.” 1:47 p.m.

“What do you want to know?” 1:47 p.m.

“What do want to tell me about yourself?” 1:48 p.m.

“Stop it!” 2:15 p.m.

“?” 2:16 p.m.

“Doctor, single, father, 43, left-handed.” 3:20 p.m.

“Married?” 3:21 p.m.

“No. I already said single. Pay attention to what you read. You turn.” 3:22 p.m.

“I’m married” 3:22 p.m.

“Does he give you a good fuck?” 3:23 p.m.

“What’s good?” 3:23 p.m.

“I told you to stop that.” 3:23 p.m.

“Are you horny?” 5:31 p.m.

“I don’t know. But something is surely happening with me.” 5:31 p.m.

“Then come to my place this evening.” 5:32 p.m.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure.” 5:33 p.m.

“I’ll just give you something good.” 5:34 p.m.

“Like what?” 5:35 p.m.

“I’ll give you your desire. 5:36 p.m.

“Ok. I’ll try.” 5:36 p.m.

“So are you coming?” 5:37 p.m.

“No. I can’t. At the end of the week. Probably only next Monday.” 5:37 p.m.

“Tomorrow?” 5:38 p.m.

“No.” 5:38 p.m.

“I want your lust.”

“Completely.”

“I want to work you.”

“Put a hurting on you.”

“Until your gaze is empty …” 11:54 p.m.

WEDNESDAY

“Do you want to?”

“Answer me!” 6:15 a.m.

“You’re scaring me.” 7:12 a.m.

“Good.”

“Keep going.” 7:15 a.m.

“What do you mean?” 7:16 p.m.

“Say it, now!” 7:17 a.m.

“You’re making me curious.” 8:10 a.m.

“Bi-curious. Good.”

“Are you wet?” 8:30 a.m.

“A little, yeah.” 8:31 a.m.

“Describe yourself.” 8:32 a.m.

“What do you want to know?” 8:33 a.m.

“For the last time, stop it!”

“Otherwise we can just end this right now.” 8:34 a.m.

“Okay, I understand. But what I am I supposed to stop?” 8:35 a.m.

“It’s simple. I ask, you answer. No stupid second questions or explanations.”

“Just stop commenting.”

“Stop controlling. That is an absolute NO-GO!” 8:37 a.m.

I was frightened by the way he spoke to me, and at the same time it moved me. As if he was already occupying my brain. How did he suspect, no, how did he know that I wanted, in fact needed to be in control? Obviously he didn’t want to say very much about himself. I started looking at my cell phone every minute I could, expecting his messages and having to answer immediately. There became an urge.

“Answer.”

“Describe yourself.” 9:36 a.m.

“5.6, blond, womanly, curvy.” 10:37 a.m.

“Cup size?”

“Weight?”

“Shoe size?” 10:38 a.m.

“Are you serious? Oh sorry, right, I’m supposed to stop that.”

“No idea, B, I think. And about 143 lbs. Nobody ever asked me that. Why do you want to know?” 10:45 a.m.

“I want to get to know you.” 11:00 a.m.

“What are you looking for?” 11:05 a.m.

I was already sitting at my desk. People were slowing pouring into the office. But I didn’t really notice. I stared at my cell phone and typed Tinder messages. We still hadn’t exchanged any phone numbers. For a brief moment only I wondered why hadn’t asked me. Perhaps we had already been drawn in too far. It didn’t matter how or where we wrote each other. I only understood much later that this was also one of his peculiar quirks.

“A woman, a sub, for me in my life.

One who goes about her own everyday life with strength and self-confidence.

But now and again is totally submission and devoted.” 11:55 a.m.

“Wow. That sounds nice.” 11:55 a.m.

Why did I write that? I had no idea what he was talking about, and yet it was my spontaneous, deeply felt response.

“How often do you need sex?” 11:15 a.m.

“Often, I think.” 11:20 a.m.

“Be concrete” 11:21 a.m.

“I don’t know. Didn’t have it regularly for a long time, never actually. I also don’t know if it’s really just about how often.” 11:22 a.m.

“Keep going. What else could it be about?” 11:30 a.m.

“I’m not sure.” 11:31 a.m.

“You know.”

“Go ahead, say it.” 11:32 a.m.

“I think I like what you wrote about submission. I have no idea what it means. But the moment I read it, my body twitched.” 11:35 a.m.

“Be more precise.” 11:50 a.m.

This is insane. I won’t let it impress me. No, of course I didn’t write any more precisely. But it stayed on my mind. I thought about it the whole afternoon. What did it do to me? My body reacted with a twitch deep inside my cunt. It was something that made my pulse beat faster and my skin tingle. And something else triggered it too. I began to think about my arousal.

“What’s wrong?”

“Answer!” 5:51 p.m.

I still rode my bike every morning. The B1 over Frankfurter Allee, which is wide and shady in summer under the old trees. Then across Alexander Square past the place where the former Palace of the Republic once stood. Now the walls of the first fortifications in Berlin have been discovered underneath. The route along the boulevard unter den Linden and then directly through Brandenburg Gate into Tiergarten park always gives me goose bumps. I can work where others go on vacation. More and more tourists are coming to Berlin. Especially in summer they block the cycle paths or simply run out in front of my bike in Tiergarten. More than once I had to put on the brakes and fell off my bike. But I didn’t want to give up cycling. The suburban trains are overcrowded early. At least I am alone on the bike. Today I wanted to go running after the office and go to the gym. Which meant I didn’t have much time at home for the household. Glasses, leftovers, cooking pots, stale air. Nobody but me cleaned up. But I was just learning to leave things behind and take care of myself. It was now 6 p.m. Paul wasn’t home yet and the girls were at dance class. At least I thought so. We only had dinner together on the weekend. That’s probably how it is when you live with teenagers. Everyone had their own life. So I ignored the laundry that evening and slipped into my sports clothes. The effect of these measures was clearly noticeable. I almost had my weight back. Maybe another 5 kilos, then I would be my old self again, I thought with a satisfied look into the bathroom mirror. My muscles became more defined and my body got a shape again. Nina, who saw me every day at the office, had noticed. Paul didn’t. He was out every evening somewhere with his buddy, playing soccer or at work. More and more everyone just did their own thing. Maybe it was this new freedom that allowed me to explore what Nikolas was to reveal to me.

“Are you still awake?” 11:30 p.m.

“Yes.” 11:30 p.m.

“Where are you?” 11:31 p.m.

“In bed.” 11:31 p.m.

“What do have on?”

“Fetish pajamas?” 11:35 p.m.

Who uses the word “pajama”? I thought.

“Warm and fluffy.” 11:36 p.m.

“Okay, fetish.” 11:36 p.m.

“If that’s the way you see it. Then yes.” 11:37 p.m.

“I want to see your skin now.”

“Take a picture for me.”

“Push your hands up under your breasts.”

“Do it!” 11:42 p.m.

I actually took a picture.

“Nice nipples. I’ll suck them sore when I see you.” 0:10 a.m.

“I have to sleep now.” 0:11 a.m.

“Good night.” 0:12 a.m.

THURSDAY

“Good morning!” 6:25 a.m.

I wondered if he ever actually slept. It felt like he was always online.

“I’m in the mood.” 6:30 a.m.

“Me too.” 6:35 a.m.

“Sex in the morning is nice.” 6:36 a.m.

“Yeah. you’re right.” 6:36 a.m.

“When are we going to get together?” 6:37 a.m.

“Monday?” 6:37 a.m.

“That’s a long way off.” 6:38 a.m.

“How much sex do you need every day for a functioning relationship” 8:30 a.m.

“I don’t know. I can’t answer that in one sentence. Maybe I don’t want to integrate sex into my everyday life at all. Maybe I am looking for sex so that it can release me from everyday life.” 9:10 a.m.

I wrote this thought as if it had been waiting for a long while. How naturally it was to admit to myself that this was exactly what I was looking for. Sex. Why else would anyone Tinder? Wasn’t that what it was all about? Nina actually prescribed the app for me with these words: You need to have fun again. Otherwise she would drag me into one of Berlin’s clubs. Kit-Kat and Insomnia were supposed to be good. Apparently people danced there half-naked and had sex in public – she was never there herself. Well, Tinder would have to suffice for now.

“Okay, let me put it differently – how much sex do you need to really feel good?” 10:40 a.m.

“I don’t know that either.” 10:41 a.m.

“Just this much: I need sex twice a day.” 10:42 a.m.

“Good. I like that, but do you manage to do it?” 10:43 a.m.

“I can come six to eight times a day.” 10:45 a.m.

“Wow. Well, it depends on the kind of sex, doesn’t it? Sometimes I feel that there is more to it – that there’s still something missing. And then it is usually already over again.” 10:48 a.m.

“You mean intense play?” 11:50 a.m.

“What does play mean to you?” 11:51 a.m.

I never knew that word in connection with sex. I began to like talking to Nikolas about sex. I had never done that before. I had a feeling that there would be more would come. More things I had never done before. My body became warm when I thought about him. Nikolas seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

“You sink in.”

“Let yourself go.”

“You let loose.”

“You really want to throw off a load.”

“Stop having to think.” 11:53 a.m.

“Yes. How do you know that?” 11:55 a.m.

“It’s almost like a drug.” 11:55 a.m.

“Yes, that’s it, I think.” 11:57 a.m.

“Then we’ll do it.”

“With sensory deprivation.” 1:00 p.m.

“Yes, well, not being able to see helps me to unwind.” 1:01 p.m.

I wrote that as if I knew exactly what I was talking about, which was by no means the case. There were one or two shy experiences – a long time ago, but now I bravely went on.

“There’s only one reason to play just once a week.” 2:15 p.m.

“And that is?” 2:16 p.m.

“Lasting scars.” 2:17 p.m.

Lasting scars? Playing? I had no idea of what he could be talking about.

“What are you up to?” 2:18 p.m.

“First of all I want to get to know you.”

“Did I already say that?”

“Do you squirt?” 4:13 p.m.

“Do I what?” 4:15 p.m.

“You heard me.”

“I want to know if you ejaculate.” 4:20 p.m.

“I think it’s happened before. Don’t know.” 4:22 p.m.

“You squirting women are a gift from God.”

“And the orgasms that affect the circulation to boot – unbelievable.”

“Once there was a woman who had deep rims around her eyes and couldn’t walk for several minutes afterwards.” 4:45 p.m.

“Hmm. I don’t think those are orgasms.” 5:30 p.m.

“What then?” 5:31 p.m.

“Just pressure on a gland, or bladder?” 5:32 p.m.

“That’s right. It’s not that the clit is relaxed or is just limited to that. It comes from the base of the pelvis, abdominal wall and thigh – the whole plexus of nerves.” 5:43 p.m.

“Yeah, that sounds pretty logical, and even nice.”

“There was always somebody who could do something for me with his fingers, and then it went really fast. And some others who weren’t able to do anything at all.” 5:46 p.m.

“Then you’re well broken in.” 6:01 p.m.

“Maybe I didn’t experience any of this, and don’t really know what you’re talking about at the moment.” 6:03 p.m.

“And there’s so much more involved.” 6:05 p.m.

What more did he mean? Not being able to walk for minutes for lack of circulation because of orgasms. Screwball, show-off. The thought was only brief, and then vanished at the same moment. But now I was curious.

“Can you do that to me?” 8:06 p.m.

“If you let me.”

“I feel like licking you now and then massaging you with my hand from the inside out.” 8:20 p.m.

“I don’t know. I’m not really into that. It doesn’t do that much for me. But it sounds nice.” 8:25 p.m.

“There’s something else about it that makes me insecure.” 8:55 p.m.

“What?” 9:15 p.m.

“It’s more of a medical thing.” 9:16 p.m.

“So, what is it?” 9:17 p.m.

“It’s not very erotic, and it’s weird to talk to a stranger about it.” 9:18 p.m.

“We’re no longer strangers. You’ve known that already for some time now.”

“So go on.” 9:19 p.m.

“I think that’s why I always come down with a bladder infection afterwards.” 9:20 p.m.

“Can I get to know you if I solve your problem?” 9:26 p.m.

“You can do that anyway.”

“What’s the solution? I’m curious because I’ve been to a doctor so many times before and nothing has helped. Antibiotics of course at some point. But who wants to have to do that all the time?” 9:28 p.m.

“It’s both technique and hygiene.” 9:32 p.m.

“That simple?” 9:33 p.m.

“Yup, that simple.”

“Always drink a lot after playing and having sex, rinse well, and rinse thoroughly.” 9:33 p.m.

“Maybe some VagiC, VagiFlor, utrogest-Crème.” 9:35 p.m.

“I guess you really are a doctor?” 9:36 p.m.

“That’s right.” 9:37 p.m.

“What kind of doctor?” 9:38 p.m.

“Gynecologist and psychiatrist.” 9:39 p.m.

“What kind of a combination is that?” 9:40 p.m.

“That sounds funny to me. How can a gynecologist have sex? Stupid question. Sorry.” 9:42 p.m.

“I want to suck your ass, too.” 10:50 p.m.

At some point I noticed very clearly when he didn’t want to go into a particular subject or talk about it. As if he was following a secret plan, he was always coming back to his topic.

“Really?” 10:51 p.m.

“Yeah, and then fuck you extremely hard in the ass.”

“And in your mouth.” 10:52 p.m.

“Do you choke?” 10:53 p.m.

“I don’t understand the question.” 10:54 p.m.

“How deep can you take a cock?” 10:55 p.m.

“No idea?” 10:55 p.m.

“Down to the root?” 10:56 p.m.

“What kind of sex do you want?” 10:59 p.m.

“Vanilla and SM.” 11:01 p.m.

“Interesting mix.”

“What do you want with me?” 11:05 p.m.

“I want to get to know you.”

“Study your essence.”

“I’m curious about how much of us will be real and how much just hot air.” 11:10 p.m.

“Yes, that is what we have to find out.” 11:12 p.m.

“Good, then I’ll just let it all happen.” 11:15 p.m.

“Me too.” 11:16 p.m.

FRIDAY

“Good morning!”

“What are you doing?” 6:20 a.m.

“Just waking up.” 6:25 a.m.

“Then my hand will fit right into you now.

“Sex in the morning is so wonderful.” 6:26 a.m.

“Got to get to the office. And you?” 7:30 a.m.

“Freshly showered and coffee, starting my weekend now with my daughter.” 7:35 a.m.

“SM?”

“Thinking about what you wrote yesterday. Do you want to give or receive?” 11:03 a.m.

“Give, and you? Get to know you first.”

“I’m satisfied now that we know something about each other when it comes to sex.”

“Probably the most erotic meeting.” 11:35 a.m.

“Yeah, could be. I’m starting to get really excited.”11:36 a.m.

“Good.” 11:37 a.m.

“I have serious questions.” 1:38 p.m.

“OK.” 1:38 p.m.

“Answer only with yes or no.” 1:38 p.m.

“OK.” 1:38 p.m.

“Extremely deep blow job to the point of puking.” 1:39 p.m.

“Hem …” 1:39 p.m.

“Yes or no?” 1:40 p.m.

“Come on, let’s go. Faster. Answer.” 1:45 p.m.

“Golden showers?” 1:50 p.m.

“???” 1:55 p.m.

“Come on.” 2:41 p.m.

“Yes.” 2:41 p.m.

“Keep going.”

“In the mouth?” 2:42 p.m.

“Yeah.” 2:42 p.m.

“Nice.” 2:45 p.m.

“I prefer taking it from a full gush and to give too.”

“I like it most when you straddle me and piss on my cock, belly and pelvis.” 3:00 p.m.

“Keep going … gagging, pain, clamps?” 3:43 p.m.

“Yes.” 3:43 p.m.

“How much? Define how much.” 3:44 p.m.

“I can’t. I only know that I respond when something hurts. Like hard thrusts and spanking at the same time.” 3:50 p.m.

“You’ll wear clamps and go out with me in the evening for a drink.” 7:47 p.m.

“If you like. Yes, let’s give it a try.” 7:48 p.m.

“Clamps and plug are here.” 7:49 p.m.

“What else?” 7:49 p.m.

“Ropes, cane, inflatable dildo, eye mask, speculum, leather belt with rivets, crop.”

“That should suffice to play at length.” 7:51 p.m.

“Why a speculum?”

“It’s cold, medical, so lacking in eroticism.” 7:52 p.m.

“Yes. It’s plastic and indeed not erotic.”

“Quite honestly, a silly toy.”

“The leather belt is visually frightening. But makes beautiful patterns on the skin.” 7:53 p.m.

“Now that we know these things about each other, how are we supposed to simply just meet and drink wine in peace and quiet?” 8:12 p.m.

“And in particular, when?” 8:13 p.m.

“I thought about Monday?”

“Already forgotten?” 8:51 p.m.

“No, I didn’t forget.” 8:51 p.m.

“Where do we want to meet?” 8:52 p.m.

“Where do you live?” 8:53 p.m.

“Köpenick, and work almost downtown.” 8:53 p.m.

“Wilmersdorf and work almost in Köpenick.” 8:55 p.m.

“Where do you want?” 8:56 p.m.

“Galander Bar, Stuttgarter Square.” 8:57 p.m.

“OK. I’ll find it.” 9:00 p.m.

“When are you free? I work until 4 p.m.” 9:06 p.m.

“Around 7 p.m. I have flexible working hours.” 9:10 p.m.

“Do you smoke?” 10:40 p.m.

“No.” 10:41 p.m.

“Very good.” 10:41 p.m.

“It’s not good for the skin.” 10:42 p.m.

“Will we recognize each other?” 11:00 p.m.

“Absolutely!” 11:10 p.m.

SATURDAY

“I need to correct myself. For the sake of honesty.” 9:01 a.m.

“Something bad?” 9:07 a.m.

“Recently I only ejaculated four times in one day. But that was after a 24-hour shift and just one hour’s sleep …” 9:08 a.m.

“With a woman or did you masturbate?” 9:10 a.m.

“With a woman. Four times in six hours.” 9:11 a.m.

Pretty much every woman I know would have quit by now. I bravely endured this narrative, which actually made me feel jealous. Had I already been taken in, trapped in his web of lies and manipulation? More absurdities followed that I did not even recognize as such anymore.

“Go on.”

“A clean shave?” 9:12 a.m.

“What?” 9:13 a.m.

“Answer.”

“We’re not finished with the questions.” 9:14 a.m.

“Yes.” 9:15 a.m.

“Eat my shit?” 9:16 a.m.

“Whoa! Are you serious?” 9:17 a.m.

“Fractured bone?” 9:18 a.m.

“Nooo.” 9:19 a.m.

“Labia piercing?” 9:20 a.m.

“Whew.” 9:21 p.m.

“Let yourself hang by the hair, nipples and labia?” 9:22 a.m.

“But it will tear!” 9:23 a.m.

“Just say yes or no!” 9:24 a.m.

“I don’t have any idea. It all sounds terrible and at the same time it fascinates me that you just write it down like that.” 9:25 a.m.

“That’s extreme and disgusting. Aren’t you afraid you’ll scare me off like that?” 9:45 a.m.

“No.” 9:46 a.m.

“And why not?” 9:47 a.m.

“Because you want sex.” 9:50 a.m.

“Yeah, I feel like doing it right now, that’s right.” 9:51 a.m.

“Quick and with purpose?” 9:52 a.m.

“Yeah?!” 9:53 a.m.

“Or playing instead?” 9:55 a.m.

“I’m also happy to play.” 9:56 a.m.

“Undress and put on a blindfold.”

“Open your mouth, suck dick until the saliva runs.”

“A beautiful nectar …”

“Makes such beautiful bubbles …” 10:00 a.m.

“I have a request.” 11:30 a.m.

“Yes? Please?” 11:31 a.m.

“Do you want to belong to me?” 11:32 a.m.

“Yes.” 11:33 a.m.

“Are you sure?” 11:34 a.m.

“Yes.” 11:35 a.m.

“I want to mark you.” 11:36 a.m.

“How?” 11:40 a.m.

“Branding.” 11:42 a.m.

“Damn …” 11:42 a.m.

“In your vagina.” 11:43 a.m.

“Mutilation? No, out of the question!” 11:44 a.m.

“And in two other places.”

“In the anal canal and under the tongue.”

“Tiny. 1x1 cm.” 11:45 a.m.

“That’s just crazy!” 11:46 a.m.

“Just answer with yes or no!” 11:50 a.m.

“I don’t know about all this.” 11:51 a.m.

“Yes you do, you have it in you and you already know whether you would cross those boundaries with me.” 11:52 a.m.

“Come on …”

“Answer. Yes or no.” 12:10 p.m.

“Yes.” 1:50 p.m.

“Then you will finally be my sub.”

“We will take care of it together.” 2:10 p.m.

“I’m mean the effects of the branding …” 3:00 p.m.

SATURDAY

The usual shopping, family meals – the tidying up at the end of which was left up to me. This Saturday was like every other one, and yet it was different. The first rays of sunshine in the garden were warm and my thoughts wandered restlessly. It had only been a few days and I already missed Nikolas’ messages after a few quiet hours.

“You’re going to show me just how well-trained you are!” 9:00 p.m.

“What do you mean?” 9:21 p.m.

“The position for the first strokes.”

“I’m going to whip you. Did I already say that?” 9:22 p.m.

“No.” 9:23 p.m.

“Your hair will be washed ice-cold and sternly combed to the back.” 9:25 p.m.

“Oh …” 9:26 p.m.

“You choose.”

“Belt, cane, crop?” 9:30 p.m.

“Crop.” 9:31 p.m.

“A real riding crop, already tried on horses. A very good choice!” 9:32 p.m.

“And the part of the body and number of strokes. When I say where, you say how many, or vice versa.” 9:40 p.m.

“Bum.” 9:41 p.m.

“Remember, you’re in a certain position!” 9:43 p.m.

“In which one?” 9:46 p.m.

“If you can’t maintain it for the number of strokes, then you’ll be punished.”

“Straddle-legged squat, like you’re sitting on a chair. Only without a chair. Back straight and palms upwards.” 9:50 p.m.

“I’ll try.” 9:51 p.m.

“With your ass pointed out.”

“I’ll ask you again: Which part of the body do you choose? Or tell me the number of strokes …” 9:52 p.m.

“I don”t want to think.” 9:53 p.m.

“We”re going to start with the ass.”

“And from now on, you are going to address me properly.” 9:55 p.m.

“Properly?” 9:56 p.m.

“Your sentences always end with ‘Master’!” 9:58 p.m.

“So it’s the ass. Look straight ahead. When I stand in front of you, you lower your gaze.”

“The first blows to the thighs. Six, medium strength.” 10:00 p.m.

“Answer!” 10:25 p.m.

“Yes.” 10:30 p.m.

“Answer correctly!” 10:33 p.m.

“Yes, Master?” 10:35 p.m.

“The correct answer is: Thank you, Master.” 10:40 p.m.

“You will count along and thank me after every blow.” 11:03 p.m.

“Ok.” 11:05 p.m.

“What was that?” 11:06 p.m.

“Yes, Master.” 11:08 p.m.

“That’s better.”

“We’ll get it straight. We’ll clamp your tongue and connect it to your labia.” 11:10 p.m.

“?” 11:11 p.m.

“So that you know how to speak properly.”

“Next body part: the belly.”

“Six strokes. Medium strength.” 11:12 p.m.

“Thank you, Master.” 11:13 p.m.

“It will be more painful. The belly has thin skin and your saliva has been running over for a while.” 11:14 p.m.

“I’m excited about what you write, I’m starting to get wet …” 11:15 p.m.

“Should I be quiet?” 11:30 p.m.

“Who asked that?” 11:31 p.m.

“Sorry …” 11:32 p.m.

“Read attentively and take yourself seriously!” 11:33 p.m.

“I’m sorry. So no moaning? All silent and without any noise?” 11:35 p.m.

“By yourself.” 11:37 p.m.

“What do you want?” 11:38 p.m.

“I don’t know your essence yet. I must get to know you first.” 11:40 p.m.

“I want your lust.” 11:50 p.m.

“Continue with the crop or should we change the tool?” 0:01 a.m.

“I don’t know. You decide. I’m letting myself go, guided by you. I’m imagining everything just like this.” 0:05 a.m.

“Very good.” 0:06 a.m.

“I’m beginning to like it. Right now I want to be just the way you want me to be.” 0:07 a.m.

“Stand up straight. Keep your arms crossed over your head.”

“Continue with the crop.”

“Next position: Calves.”

“Four strokes, high strength.”

“Well struck and drawn through.”

“The welts last for two days.” 0:10 a.m.

“Oh, God. But that’s not good.” 0:11 a.m.

“Shut up and breathe the pain away!”

“Tears are allowed.” 0:12 a.m.

“Answer!” 0:20 p.m.

“Thank you, Master.” 0:21 a.m.

“Next position: upper arms, inside.”

“Eight strokes to the right.” 0:22 a.m.

“Ouch!” 0:23 a.m.

“Stop is stop. No means over. Then you leave. Finished.” 0:24 a.m.

“No, but I don’t want to go just because I say no. I think, I often say no during sex and mean yes. I don’t really know what I’m talking about in the excitement …” 0:25 a.m.

“Who cares?”

“Do you understand the rule?” 0:27 a.m.

“Yes.” 0:28 a.m.

“Yes, what?” 0:29 a.m.

“Yes, master.” 0:30 a.m.

“Good.”

“Repeat it!”.

“Now!” 0:31 a.m.

“No means stop, finished. Stop means stop.” 0:32 a.m.

“Exactly.” 0:33 a.m.

“Put it in a correct sentence for your master!” 0:34 a.m.

“Ah, ok.” 0:34 a.m.

“Stop with the silliness.” 0:35 a.m.

“Stop means stop. No means stop. Then I go. Master.” 0:40 a.m.

“So, it work’s after all.”

“How was that, my dear?” 0:41 a.m.

“Exciting.” 0:42 a.m.

“I could almost feel it …” 0:43 a.m.

“More?” 0:44 p.m.

“Yes, master.” 0:45 a.m.

“Very good. You learn fast.” 0:46 a.m.

“Ten strokes on nipples and breasts.”

“Arms above the head again.” 0:51 a.m.

“I’m scared …” 0:51 a.m.

“That’s good.”

“Concentrate.” 0:52 a.m.

“Thank you, master.” 0:53 a.m.

“Very good.”

“Next position: thigh, inner side.”

“Let’s extend the device.”

“Wooden spoon.”

“Classic with hole in the ladle.”

“Back to your beautiful body …” 0:54 a.m.

“It’s not very pretty, my body.” 0:55 a.m.

“Ten strong stiff strokes, thigh, outside.”

“Count and thank!” 0:56 a.m.

“Thank you. Master.” 0:57 a.m.

“Three times on one spot is strictly forbidden, as the will skin burst open.” 0:58 a.m.

“More. Accentuate and present your ass!” 1:04 a.m.

“Please.” 1:05 a.m.

“The request is to be properly formulated, otherwise it means stop.” 1:06 a.m.

SUNDAY

“36 hours to go …” 7:00 a.m.

“Show me your stomach!” 11:02 a.m.

“Now?” 11:04 a.m.

“Do it!” 11:05 a.m.

I actually took a picture of my stomach.

“With your legs apart in your panties and stand up.”

“Now!” 11:06 p.m.

“I can’t …” 11:07 a.m.

“Nonsense. You don’t have weak tissue.”

“Show me your stomach.”

“Your most holy.”

“Now!” 11:08 a.m.

“I can’t right now.” 11:15 a.m.

I don’t like flea markets, but I strolled with Paul anyway along the boulevard June 17th. I was tired and still felt the chat from last night. The intensity was followed by quiet emptiness. I felt thrown away. I nervously craved Nikolas’ messages full of extreme words. My gaze looked for the spell that a small box on my mobile phone announced. Nikolas sent you a message.

“24 hours to go …” 7:00 p.m.

MONDAY

“Good morning!” 6:25 a.m.

“7 p.m. at my place, Habsburger Allee 15.” 9:30 a.m.

“Give me your wet flesh!” 11:00 a.m.

“I’m not in my office, I have appointments.” 11:30 a.m.

“I’m going to hit you later.” 11:32 a.m.

“I know.” 12:35 p.m.

“You need it, love.” 3:00 p.m.

“What happens if you don’t get some for several days?” 3:30 p.m.

“Nothing.” 3:31 p.m.

“Now, now.” 3:32 p.m.

“I try to forget.” 3:35 p.m.

“Nature is always stronger. And comes out on top.” 3:36 p.m.

“I want to splatter my sperm into your cunt now.” 3:37 p.m.

“Up to now I hadn’t had the right man FOR THAT yet.” 3:38 p.m.

“I was in a club once, Insomnia, and I thought I’d find someone there.” 3:39 p.m.

“Now I’m really horny for you.”

“And your pain.”

“I want your pain.” 3:40 p.m.

“It’s the only way, I think. It must make you horny that I have pain. Then it excites me” 3:43 p.m.

“Tell me your real name.” 3:44 p.m.

“You have one, that will have to do.” 3:45 p.m.

“I want to see the pain come in a strong wave and knock you over” 3:46 p.m.

“I think you understand something that’s new to me and yet in me and I knew it.”

“I’m talking crazy, aren’t I?” 3:47 p.m.

“No. I am going to trigger you and keep you on a level.” 3:50 p.m.

“The juice runs, muscles tremble, the body works, nerves exhausted.”

“Sometimes a crying fit comes in the middle of lust.”

“You can see from my erection how I react to you – whether you’re seriously horny for pain. Then I get really hard and only then.” 4:00 p.m.

“You understand.” 4:02 p.m.

“Three hours to go …” 4:03 p.m.

“Tie your breasts.” 4:04 p.m.

“As you please.”

“My abdomen is pulsating just by reading your messages …” 4:05 p.m.

“A solid slap in the face allows your cunt to produce juice. Look longingly in the eyes.” 4:06 p.m.

“Do you also work?” 4:10 p.m.

“60 to 70 hours a week.” 4:11 p.m.

“That’s a lot …” 4:12 p.m.

“How easy or hard is it to find a woman for everything you write?” 4:20 p.m.

“Enormously difficult.”

“It’ll all work out with us.” 4:21 p.m.

“Do you have children?” 4:22 p.m.

“Yeah, two, but they’re almost not kids anymore.” 4:23 p.m.

“What exactly are you really looking for” 4:24 p.m.

“Like I said, a real sub for me.” 4:25 p.m.

“Maybe I can only be that when I’m with you.” 4:26 p.m.

“I work in a bank. Advising companies on the application process for subsidies. Check and approve the applications. I have to be tough. I believe that letting myself be guided, giving up, not having to be strong, is a thought that I increasingly like. I would like to try it out.” 4:30 p.m.

“Very good.”

“It’s in you or it isn’t.” 4:31 p.m.

“How can you live THAT?” 4:32 p.m.

“It works in private.”

“Your husband slaps you and chastises you according to schedule.” 4:33 p.m.

“And what about us?” 4:34 p.m.

“The feelings and situation show it.”

“You go to work with marks.” 4:40 p.m.

“Sounds a little scary. But it won’t let me go either.” 4:41 p.m.

“It also works as an affair or a leisure couple.”

“Satisfaction will always remain short-term and superficial.”

“Someday you’ll feel nothing but frustration and emptiness.” 4:43 p.m.

“You seem to have experience?” 4:44 p.m.

“You’re looking for the same thing.” 4:45 p.m.

“You think so?” 4:46 p.m.

“I know so.”

“You don’t decide. The master decides.”

“You decide everyday life, friends, work, hobbies.” “Your husband steers quietly in the background.” “You serve at home.”

“You suck the master under the table while he eats dinner.”

“Sleep naked at the foot end or next to the bed on the floor.” 4:50 p.m.

“Is that how you want it?”

“Will I wear a collar, too? 4:51 p.m.

“You need to pay attention and take yourself seriously.” 4:52 p.m.

“Yes.” 4:53 p.m.

“Yes, what?” 4:53 p.m.

“Yes, master.” 4:54 p.m.

“Good.”

“No.”

“No kitsch.”

“The situation will determine.”

“No daily routine.” 4:55 p.m.

“I’m ready.” 4:56 p.m.

“Then we’ll meet very conventionally afterwards.”

“Outside.” 4:56 p.m.

“Yes, master.” 4:57 p.m.

“We agree that nature is stronger. You will feel what is between us. You will feel how real it is.” 5:00 p.m.

“Yes, we’ll see. Not much longer now …” 5:01 p.m.

“Two more hours to go …” 5:02 p.m.

“I want it so badly now!” 5:03 p.m.

“Will is good.”

“You are willing and always accessible. When it happens, you will start to look at the ground.” 5:05 p.m.

“Yes, master.” 5:06 p.m.