Everything I'm Not E-Book

Sara Mullins

• Herausgeber: Next Chapter
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Reagan Nichols is a small-town woman trying to make her way in the world. Timid by nature, she has made a life-long, relentless effort to remain invisible. She finds contentment in the pages of books and sheets of canvas.

When she catches the eye of handsome construction worker Jackson Holloway, Reagan's trust issues have her wondering if his interest is a cruel joke. When the unimaginable happens, her hope for the good in others may be restored.

Facing an unfamiliar decision, should she have faith in the actions of the mysterious man, or play it safe?

Leseprobe

EVERYTHING I’M NOT

SARA MULLINS

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

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About the Author

Copyright (C) 2021 Sara Mullins

Layout design and Copyright (C) 2022 by Next Chapter

Published 2022 by Next Chapter

Edited by Annie Percik

Cover art by CoverMint

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the author’s permission.

For my loving husband, David, and sons, Carter and Levi. Your love and support mean the world to me.

I would also like to dedicate this to those we’ve lost to Covid-19 and their loving families.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Many thanks to my husband, David, and children for your patience and encouragement. This journey is special to me because I get to share it with all of you.

To my sister, Carey. Thank you for being my first reader and providing your feedback. I appreciate your help and honesty.

To The Next Chapter Publishing team for your support. I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me.

CHAPTER1

The four tiny feet of one plump rat scurried across a pair of flannel pants. The woman wearing them was lying on a slab of concrete. Her eyelids twitched as the tickling sensation started to wake her. She slowly opened her eye, just enough to let in some hazy light. Her irises rolled back and forth for a moment. She clenched her eyelids tight, then lifted her head off the floor, and opened her eyes fully.

As she regained consciousness, the reality of her environment began to set in. The tape over her mouth restricted her accelerated breathing. Her eyes finally began to focus. She looked down at the rat, which had paused in its journey, and her throat attempted a shriek at the sight. Her ankles had been taped, but she did the best she could to kick her legs. Both of her arms were bound together behind her back. She struggled to maneuver, gradually pulling her body up into a sitting position.

The woman took several deep breaths through her nose as she looked around the room. Cold tears rolled down her quivering cheeks. She couldn’t make out many details. Only one beam of light shined in from a miniature window near the ceiling. There didn’t seem to be much in the room besides some shelves on the nearest wall, and a broken chair discarded in the corner. An awful, musty smell lingered in the air. Other than the scratching of rodents and the distant trickling of water, the room was scarily quiet.

She sat alone in the dark, thinking, problem-solving. The only thing she could contemplate doing was to make her way to the shelves to try to find something, anything, that could help her situation. She used her heels and buttocks to scoot across the dusty floor until she approached the old wooden ledges. There wasn’t much on the bottom one, other than an old pair of shoes and a cardboard box. Both looked as if they had been there for a decade. The next shelf up was a little more promising. Four Mason jars sat in a row. They, too, appeared like they had been there for many years. She raised her brows, hopeful that a broken jar could help with the tape. If she could just knock one down.

The quiet was suddenly interrupted. Footsteps creaked on the wooden boards above her head. Clouds of dust drifted down with every step. The woman stopped moving, her heart rate doubled, and her breaths trembled. She listened as quietly as possible while the sound of the steps made its way across the room to the other side. It grew quiet again, only for a moment, then she heard keys. A padlock jostled on a door she couldn’t see. Another tear rolled down her face as she waited for the door to open.

Reagan gasped and sat up quickly on the sofa in her living room. Her heart was pounding hard enough to feel it in her throat. She took a deep breath and raised a hand to her chest, grateful that she was in her home. She looked at her watch and shook her head. When did I fall asleep? The complaints of a teenage girl filtered through from across the house. Reagan stood up and made her way down the hall. She approached the doorway of the unhappy adolescent with caution.

One by one, the shirts that comprised Emma’s wardrobe were being removed from the closet and returned with fury. She yanked another hanger off the rod and held the blouse up to her chest, looking in the mirror. Finally satisfied with what she saw, she slipped the shirt on and examined every possible angle in the mirror.

“Where are you going?” her mother asked from the doorway.

“Out,” Emma grumbled, not removing her gaze from the mirror. She grabbed a pair of shoes from the closet and slipped them onto her feet. Her mother’s burning stare practically forced her to look up. “What?”

Reagan tried to remain serious, but she suspected the worry consuming her began to show on her face none the less. “I just . . .”

“Mom, I don’t get you. What is your problem with Evan? I like him. He likes me. Are you going to question me every time I want to see him?”

“No, it’s just . . . I worry about you, that’s all,” Reagan replied.

“Why, because he’s eighteen?”

“That, and you’re sixteen, Emma. He just graduated. He’ll be going to college soon.”

“I know, mom. Is that all?” Emma snapped.

“Well, to be honest with you, I don’t like the way he talks to you. He’s a little arrogant and controlling.”

Emma shook her head and looked up at the ceiling. “He cares about me! You are unbelievable. You think you know everyth-”

“Stop it, Emma! That’s enough. You don’t talk to your mother that way. I’m sorry for questioning you, but I’m only doing it because I care about you. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Reagan said, dropping her head.

Emma rolled her eyes then looked back to her mom. They both remained silent, digesting each other’s words until Reagan could think of what to say next. Emma began picking at her nails, as if waiting for the next lecture.

“Have I ever told you how your dad and I met?” Reagan asked.

“You met at the mall, right?”

“Yes, but there’s more to it than that. I was a very quiet girl. I didn’t have many friends or much confidence in myself. Then I met your dad and, at first, I didn’t think that he could like, let alone love, someone like me. But after what he did for me, I knew in my heart that he loved me.”

“What did he do?” Emma asked.

“Well, I can tell you, but only if you have time to sit and talk with your mom.”

Emma looked down at her shoes and grinned, before gazing back up. “I guess we can talk for a little bit. I mean, I really don’t need to leave until six anyway.”

“Why were you getting ready so early?” Reagan asked.

“I don’t know. I’m bored I guess,” Emma replied.

Her mom chuckled and walked over to her daughter. “Well, come sit with me. I should just start from the beginning.”

CHAPTER2

The Greenbriar Mall was the only one of its kind in Newbrook, Ohio, and about the only place in town where Reagan could work at that time. She hadn’t yet utilized her college education and had zero desire to flip burgers. Since receiving her degrees in art and business, she had spent two years trying to formulate a plan of what to do with them. Now she was starting to question why she had picked those majors in the first place. After all, art is a tough career to pursue.

Reagan wasn’t the only one struggling, though. The last decade had brought a steady economic decline to the small mid-western town, and its faithful citizens were starting to feel the impact. Reagan considered herself lucky to have a job at all. She had an apartment and a car, neither of which were in prime condition, but they fulfilled the requirements.

On this morning in December, the chill outside had frosted up her windshield. At first, she waited patiently in her driver’s seat for the car to warm up. But eventually, she gave in to the urge to use her windshield solution and wipers to speed up the process. Although she didn’t much like going to work, she liked the drive this time of year. The town that could seem so drab at times, found a way to look beautiful when decorated with Christmas lights. It almost had her convinced that things were going to get better.

Her life had been fairly uneventful up to that point. She was an only child, and a quiet one to boot. Her parents were always supportive, and quite invisible to the rest of the town. They lived the typical middle-class life – no mansion and no extravagant pool, but they had running cars, a roof over their heads, and food on the table. Reagan graduated high school with the third-highest GPA in her class and a couple of friendships that were sure to last a lifetime. Her senior prom was a girl’s night out for her and two friends. It was fun, but maybe not what one thinks of when they envision the prom.

She was living two hours away from her childhood home now, attempting to live the life of the independent child who has left the nest and started a glamorous life of their own. The truth, though, was that Reagan was still waiting on the glamor. Lost, lonely, and on the verge of moving back home, she was losing her ambition to follow the dream that had left her in debt.

Reagan walked into the mall and made her way to Katie’s, the small clothing store that provided her paycheck every other week. She worked with the same group of girls Monday through Friday, but only Jen ever seemed to notice her. The others were usually consumed by thoughts of their makeup or what episode was coming on that night. Needless to say, Reagan was anything but surprised when she strolled into the store and saw Beth, Tina, and Valerie gossiping about the latest town break-up. They all glanced at Reagan when she walked by, then returned to their conversation with synchronized smirks.

Jen was already in the break room, attempting to stuff her coat into her locker. She tucked the sleeve in three times, then tried to shut the door.

“Oh . . . my . . . God. What a piece of shit!” Jen shouted at the metal door. She lifted her head at the sight of Reagan’s shadow. “Damn, you scared the crap out of me,” Jen said, clutching her chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Reagan said softly.

“It’s okay. Aren’t you excited for another day in this hell hole?”

Reagan let out a chuckle. “Yeah, I can’t wait.”

“What are the girls talking about this time? I can hear them from here.”

“I don’t know for sure, but it sounded like another break-up.”

“Oh God, give me a break. How many people can they possibly know in this town?” Jen said.

“A lot more than me, I guess.”

“That’s okay, you’re better off. Most people are assholes.”

Reagan grinned and opened her locker. She was used to Jen’s pessimism, perhaps realism. Whatever it was, Jen had developed a sort of “kiss my ass” attitude toward the world. Supposedly, she had been a completely different person as a teenager. According to Jen, she was shy and obedient, a far cry from the rough and tough new version of herself that Reagan knew. Reagan just assumed she got tired of trying to be perfect all the time.

The two of them meandered out to the floor to get ready for the day. The other girls had begun folding clothes and straightening up. Reagan made her way to one cash register and Jen stood at the other. The manager, Angie, usually arranged them like this. It was the perfect setup for utilizing their strengths. Of course, they were all content with the organization. Angie, while only being a few years older than the rest of them, was well experienced. She had started working there in high school and stuck around longer than the average employee.

A few hours into her shift, Reagan checked in with Jen to make sure she would be all right on her own for a few minutes. She walked back to the break room and collapsed into one of the chairs at the table. Her feet were grateful for the time off. For some reason, the store was exceptionally slow, considering the time of year. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to relax and have a quick bite to eat.

Of course, her moment of peace was short-lived, since Tina decided to take her break at the same time. Reagan looked up from her sandwich when she walked in the door, making uncomfortable eye contact. Tina quickly lifted her nose and made her way to the refrigerator. Reagan continued to eat and read her magazine in silence, until the shrieking sound of Tina’s phone filled the room. Reagan jumped a little in her seat at the sudden noise.

“Hello?” Tina answered. “I’m at work, Derek, I told you that.” She started giggling and twirled her hair. “Yeah, we’ll see about that later.” She laughed again and looked over at Reagan, who had glanced up for just a moment. “I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you later . . . yeah, I hear you . . . okay, I hear you . . . see you tonight.”

Tina shook her head and shut the refrigerator door before turning to face Reagan. She felt Tina’s eyes on her but continued to read her magazine anyway.

“That’s called a boyfriend, Reagan. Maybe you should try to get one, instead of reading about it all the time,” Tina said.

“I really don’t care what you think,” Reagan replied.

“Whatever, you’re so weird.” Tina rolled her eyes and walked out with her water.

A few minutes later, Reagan decided to walk back out to take over for Jen. She ignored the other girls on her way through the store and stepped back up to her cash register. “Was it busy?” she asked.

“No, not really.”

“I got this, if you wanna go now.”

“Thanks, girl. I’ll be right back,” Jen said.

“Take your time.”

Jen disappeared into the back and, just as she had said, there were hardly any customers in the store. One woman stood in the men’s section with her little girl, scanning for the right size pants. A couple of high school girls looked at the sweaters, leaving them unfolded when they were finished. Beth and Valerie stood off to the side, shaking their heads in disgust, knowing they would have to refold them.

Reagan stared out the front door at the bookstore across the hallway. She was envious of the patrons within. For them, it was acceptable to drink coffee and read a good story. A couple of children sat on the floor and flipped through the pages of a pop-up book, while their mother examined the romance section. Reagan had disappeared into a daydream, but it didn’t last long.

A trio of guys suddenly blocked her view of the bookstore, as they strolled through the doorway. The first two were walking side-by-side, still laughing about something that had happened in the hallway. Both were dressed well and walked confidently. They were hard to tell apart, other than the color of their shirts. The third man followed up the rear, smiling at the humorous actions of the other two. He was the tallest of the group and sported a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans. His hair was dark and messy, and his eyes were the color of milk chocolate. He strolled into the store without a care in the world, hands in his pockets.

Reagan watched him as the group meandered toward the men’s clothes. Something about him drew her gaze. He was nothing like the type of guys she tended to get along with. Normally, the popular ones regarded her as invisible, and she settled for that, as long as she wasn’t a laughingstock. She had tried to avoid the cool kids her whole childhood and she had carried this attitude into her adult life. Not only did they often treat her like dirt, but she also believed it was a waste of her time to try to have a conversation with them. This assumption was a safety net for her, and it tended to pay off.

The guy she was watching wandered away from the other two for a moment. To her surprise, his demeanor seemed to change a little when he stood alone. He reached for the green shirt hanging on the rack in front of him and looked it over. After apparently deciding against it, he put it back, then paused for a moment. Her burning gaze must have begun to get his attention. He turned and looked over his shoulder, to find Reagan’s eyes all over him. She immediately felt her cheeks heating, and she looked at the register, hoping to play it off. He watched her for a moment, but that was all he would get. Valerie had seen him from across the room and decided to do what she did best . . . flirt.

“Hey, Jackson,” her squeaky voice called out. “I haven’t seen you in here before.”

“Well, that’s probably ‘cause I usually don’t shop here. We were just walkin’ around, wastin’ time. They walked in and I followed.” He looked down at her for just a second, then back at the rack.

Valerie giggled. “So how have you been? What’s it been, like, five years?”

He gave her what appeared to be a forced smile. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

His disinterest was escaping her attention, so she continued.

“Can I help you find something?”

Reagan watched from the cash register and rolled her eyes at Valerie’s pathetic display. She had seen the girls in action before, but it was equally ridiculous every time it happened.

“I’m fine, really. Thanks, though, uh . . .” he hesitated.

“Valerie, remember?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Sorry, I have a terrible memory sometimes.”

Reagan chuckled out loud, then cleared her throat and looked down at the fliers on the counter, hoping to remain unnoticed. Jen walked up behind her just in time.

“What ya laughin’ at?”

“Nothing. Just the same ol’ Valerie,” Reagan answered.

Jen looked over at Valerie, who was desperately trying to get in one more question. “How pathetic. She thinks that all men will bow down to her, doesn’t she?”

“Seems that way.”

Reagan chatted with Jen and found busy-work to do, but she kept glancing back at Jackson. Valerie had walked away and was now talking to the girls on the other end of the store. Reagan could only imagine the exaggerated story she was telling them about the good-looking guy from high school.

Jackson had finally picked out a shirt and was waiting patiently on his friends to finish browsing. He leaned against the wall, but at least one part of his body was always on the move. His restlessness got the best of him and he began pacing. He started toward the winter gear, then noticed Valerie watching him again. A look of panic struck him, and he performed an about-face. Then he did something that Reagan did not expect; he looked right at her. She forced herself to look back at him, in the most awkward way possible. Her top and bottom teeth pinched her bottom lip. He walked up to her cash register and laid the shirt down.

“Is this everything?” she asked him.

“Yeah, this is it.”

Reagan scanned the tag. “That’ll be twenty-one eighty-seven, please.” She folded the shirt and stuck it in a bag, while he swiped his card. “You want the receipt in the bag?”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

He looked over at his friends. They were still checking out the same sweatshirts as five minutes earlier.

“Thank you,” Reagan said, handing him the bag.

“So, have you worked here for a while?” he asked quietly.

“Me?”

He grinned. “Yeah.”

“A little more than a year I guess,” she replied.

Jen inconspicuously watched out of the corner of her eye.

“That’s cool. What’s your n . . .” he started, only to be interrupted by his friends.

“Jackson, are you ready?” the guy in blue asked.

“Am I ready? You guys stood there for, like, fifteen minutes and you’re not getting anything?” Jackson asked.

“Nah, I didn’t like anything.”

Jackson laughed. “Alright, man, we’re going.” He looked back at Reagan for a moment.

His friends noticed his gaze. They glanced in her direction, then back at him. One smirked and the other awkwardly tried not to laugh.

“Dude, let’s go,” said his buddy in gray.

“Alright, damn,” Jackson replied. He gave her one last look, then followed his friends out the door.

Jen waited until the coast was clear before turning toward Reagan. “And who was that?” she asked her.

“I have no idea.”

“He seemed interested in you.”

“No. No one is ever interested in me,” Reagan said, shaking her head.

“I really think he was. His friends just blew it for him, that’s all.”

Reagan laughed. “Jen, trust me. Guys don’t notice me. They never have. I’m just, well, I’m plain.”

“Hey, you’re not plain. You’re real. Just because you’re not always putting on a show for guys, doesn’t mean you’re plain. The good guys, the ones worth getting, will see that. They don’t want fake girls,” Jen encouraged.

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah. Ask anyone. Except for them, of course,” she said, pointing at the girls.

Reagan chuckled and looked at her shoes. “Valerie tried talking to him, but he kind of blew her off. It was hilarious.”

“Ya see? That’s what I’m talking about.”

“All right, I believe you. Either way, I have no clue who he is, other than the fact that she said his name. So that means that the one and only guy that may have been interested in me is gone and I don’t know who he is. That’s great,” she said.

“He knows where you are, though,” Jen replied.

Reagan nodded and they went back to work.

On her way home, the sky grew dark, and the temperature held at a brisk twenty-six degrees, as it had done all day. Flurries had already started falling at the beginning of what was expected to be a significant snowfall. Of course, what folks in Newbrook considered to be a significant snowfall was at least six inches, otherwise it wasn’t worth worrying about. Reagan had no issues with the anticipated blanket of precipitation. The snow was soothing for her. There was a peace associated with it that she couldn’t compare to anything else. Perhaps it was because of the fun she’d had sledding as a child, or the snow days where she didn’t have to endure the pain of school. Either way, at twenty-four years old, she was still comforted by it.

When she got home, she rummaged through the cabinet, trying to figure out what she should eat for dinner. A can of chicken noodle soup was decidedly the perfect choice for the weather. She curled up on the couch with her soup and the newest book that she had just started that Monday. The thought of her day at work, and her brief interaction with Jackson, crossed her mind. She looked at the book in her hand and wondered if most women her age were living a more exhilarating life. Then Reagan remembered what Jen had said to her and it brought her hope. Hearing such a thing from someone other than her parents was indeed a confidence booster.