Feistiness E-Book

Chenerah "Kecar" Gajaze

• Herausgeber: epubli
• Kategorie: Fantasy und Science-Fiction
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 422

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

In the midst of a severe depression, triggered by war and pain, the young wolf Amarok has to reorganize his life. Again and again he loses himself in thought, inwardly returning to the time shortly after the beginning of the war. He befriends the shepherd dog Chenerah after the latter saves his life. The hated fox, who took everything from the Samoyedan, is unyielding, so there is no improvement in sight. The Gajans, who help the wolves in the fight, enrich themselves with the resources of the planet, exploit it and change the society with lasting effect. When a glimmer of hope is dashed by a mistake Amarok makes, he flees, along with Chenerah and Queen Serena, to Alsatiania, the land of the Alsatiani. Amarok and Chenerah grow closer as the wolf realizes that his friend is the cause of all evil on AlphaVul. He notices that the dog is the one who is the architect of the Aramerians and Samoyedans world and who has caused it to fall into chaos. Their paths separate, while the nation of the shepherd dogs (the Alsatiani) stand alone, without the help of the wolves and foxes, against the Gajan who wants to rob them of the origin of all time.

Leseprobe

Chenerah "Kecar" Gajaze

Feistiness

Vulpes Lupus Canis II

Vulpes Lupus Canis

Novel

Imprint:

Text: © 2020 Copyright by Chenerah Gajaze

Translation:Kristina Čulić Gajić & Aleksandar Gajić

Cover: © 2021 Copyright by Marion Morgenroth

www.marion-morgenroth.de

Publisher:

Chenerah Gajaze

Vogelsbergstraße 25

36399 Freiensteinau (Germany)

[email protected]

Printing: epubli - a service of neopubli GmbH, Berlin

ISBN Hardcover:978-3-757554-47-7ISBN Softcover:978-3-757554-48-4 ISBN E-Book:978-3-757554-50-7

The work, including its parts, is protected by copyright. Any exploitation is prohibited without the consent of the publisher and the author. This applies in particular to electronic or other reproduction, translation, distribution and making publicly available.

For the beings who

always hated me

and yet were so devoted to me

at my end.

To friend and foe,

you who opened

my eyes

and at times

filled them with tears.

"The heart in the chest,

the sword in your hand,

so you will create peace

in the Holy Land."

Chenerah "Kecar" Gajaze

Content:

Prologue

XI. Collapse

XII. Beyond sadness

XIII. The view forward

XIV. Pleasing Gods

XV. World Shard

XVI. Center point

XVII. The Last Goddess

XVIII. A kingdom of a queen

XIX. Death wherever you look

XX. Burnt suffering

Prologue

It is dark around us, for a war between two races has been ignited. Pain and sorrow, death and decline wherever you look. The battle in the spirit is in full swing and has already claimed a heavy victim from me: Joliyad Kakodaze, the good-natured fox, is dead. With him has died a part of my soul that was as loving, kind and innocent as he.

It took a lot of strength and caused a lot of pain to see him die. Nevertheless, I do not give up and face the challenge with all my courage to move my story forward. It is not without reason that I have always spoken of three equal parts of my mind.

You as my listener will know which anthros are these soul parts: Joliyad, Amarok, Chenerah. They are all my children, my brothers, my family.

When you love someone with all your heart, there also comes a time when you have to say goodbye. The feeling of sadness creeps over you and all too quickly you hang your head, feel worthless and unloved. But when you realize that love means renunciation, when you believe that there must be a good reason for everything, the pain of loss disappears by itself and makes room for a new stage that you can fill with a new love. A new time begins and waits to be discovered by one.

Time wants to be experienced. That's why it never mattered to me in the past where I was, but when. This "when" did not mean a specific point in time. It meant a concrete feeling: How did I feel in the different situations? What did I feel, inside me and around me?

Whatever your decision was to read the first part of Vulpes Lupus Canis, I'm glad you did. And I thank you for the fact that you apparently found it so exciting and entertaining that you deliberately picked up the second part.

If you again take the time to let what I am telling you here sink in, you will find that some things happened in the first part of this series that will only now make sense. Of course, not every thought can be resolved to the end. But that is also not my goal.

It's a win-win for both of us: so while I sit there and sort my mind through my narratives, you can use the product, the written word, to pass the time a little bit.

I continue to build on your curiosity and let you know everything there is to know about my world and its progress after the war between wolves and foxes broke out. Hopefully, you too long for peace and quiet, as my spirit and I have done all this time.

Time is a good keyword: Most people should have heard that it is relative. But not everyone is likely to know that everyone can experience it passing faster or slower individually. It flows quickly, when we occupy ourselves with something we love. I hope you will love reading this book, because then you will teach yourself that time is a finite and precious resource.

But now I should tell you more about my protagonists, because as you know, my time is limited.

XI. Collapse

S

ix years later:

Amarok was now 22 years old and had spent time in seclusion and solitude since the war began. He still lived in his small, quaint home not far from the coast of Samojadja and had gone through a difficult time of grief and despair.

Arameria steadfastly defended itself against the invaders. Amarok had grown up and although it was quiet and peaceful in Samojadja, he had not been drafted to fight anymore, the male dog could not forget what had happened all that time ago:

Quickly he and the soldier who had rescued him left the leader's building, and the young wolf's eyes burned with dust. When he and his companion left the sooty fog behind and rushed down the stairs in front of the building, Amarok opened his eyes again. Stunned, he watched numerous of his compatriots firing seemingly indiscriminately at Aramerians, some of whom were also unarmed.

When he saw that Kardoran's dogs were being killed one by one by cutting their throats, he cried and screamed, "No! Leave them! They haven't done anything!"

"Leave them, Amarok ... They are now blinded by hatred and won't listen to you anyway," his rescuer said and continued walking without looking at him.

Amarok limped forward and struggled to keep up. The dogs each gave a loud squeal, after which they fell to the ground and bled to death. Their bodies twitched and it seemed as if they were trying to get away, lying on their sides and gasping.

Then the two escapees encountered an Aramerian sitting injured against a pillar. The Samoyedan soldier asked Amarok to stop and wait for him. The latter nodded and his counterpart gently laid Joliyad's body on the ground.

"Ah, Joliyad ..." the male wolf sighed and knelt down next to the lifeless body.

Amarok sat on the edge of his large bed and lit a cigarette. Like then, tears filled his eyes and a thick lump stuck in his throat. He had matted fur and was in poor physical condition, which was also reflected in the disorder of his apartment: empty bottles with the inscription 'Kopa'che' were lying around everywhere. They were not labeled in either Aramerian or Samoyedic characters: they were block letters, such as the people of Gaja commonly used.

Food scraps were on the kitchen cabinet, which looked very dirty and stuck together. The floor was covered in garbage and laundry and you couldn't put one paw in front of the other without stepping on something.

"Whew, what a rotten day," Amarok sighed, taking a puff on his cigarette, the ash of which fell to the ground, but he didn't mind.

He yawned and scratched his head as he walked unclothed into the bathroom. Things didn't look any better here either: The wolf didn't care much about hygiene anymore, neither in his house, nor of his own body. He didn't feel like doing anything at all anymore. And that's exactly what it looked like here: The once so lovingly furnished apartment was a single dirt hole. All the pictures that Amarok had painted in honor of Joliyad and his love for him had been burned last winter, because he could no longer pay his heating bill. He had worked as a house painter for a while and earned good money, but he had given up this job two years ago. More farmers were needed to care for the soldiers and the wounded. He had saved up some money, but even this emergency fund was now coming to an end.

The war was to be a short one, and much was expected from the conquest of the once so glorious empire of Arameria. However, these hopes were not fulfilled, because the humans, who stood by the wolves, took the leading role and diverted a large part of the spoils of war to bring them to Gaja with spaceships. The mineral resources of the mountainous continent interested them and Amarok realized already then that they were only interested in their own profit and not in friendship with the Samoyedans.

The wolf was standing in front of his toilet taking a piss when he closed his eyes for a moment and lost himself in his thoughts again:

Everywhere wolves and foxes were running around screaming. Foxes with their children running for their lives, but the Samoyedans did not stop at them, because their rage seemed boundless.

Amarok looked at his lover and a wolfish tear fell on his face. "I will miss you, my darling," he sighed and looked in the direction his companion had taken.

He stood in front of the injured fox and shouted at him. What he said, Amarok could not understand, because it was too loud around him. However, he saw that the soldier twisted the neck of the Aramerian with only one grip, so that it cracked loudly. What he had shouted was inaudible, but the snapping of his neck was a sound that seemed to permeate everything and made the young wolf's blood run cold.

Then his companion came running back to him and said curtly, "Hold on! We're getting out of here!"

Quickly, the young wolf grabbed Kakodaze's upper arm and held it tightly. His counterpart knelt down to him and grabbed his free hand. Then he pulled out a small device that looked like a remote control. He had stolen it from the Aramerian and then killed him. The soldier pressed a button, whereupon all three of them disappeared.

Amarok felt his body tingle and asked in confusion, "What's happening?"

Suddenly he found himself and the body of his friend on a green hill. At some distance, he could see the great towers of Bolemare, and also that smoke and flames were rising everywhere between them. The companion was standing next to the couple and had also turned his head towards the capital.

"Who are you? Aren't you finally going to take off your mask?" asked Amarok.

"Oh, sorry," he got in reply.

Slowly the soldier took off the balaclava and the wolf male looked at him with an open muzzle, stunned.

A splash made the wolf startle: he had peed next to the toilet at some point.

"Oh man," he sighed and walked out of the room without cleaning up the mess.

The Samoyedan had a headache, so he went to the kitchen to get some painkillers. But since everything was lying around here very untidily, he couldn't find any and instead opened the refrigerator, from which an acrid smell hit him.

"Whew," he disgusted, squinting his eyes in disgust, "I really should go shopping again."

Amarok dressed in dirty, baggy jeans and a sweater with holes in it and looked like a homeless person in combination with his matted fur. There were enough of them these days, and he, Amarok, would certainly soon be one of them if he doesn't find a job at some point.

He went to a small store around the corner. Everything there was more expensive than in the big markets, but he didn't like to walk far, after all. Yes, he was lazy, careless and used up. But what was worse was that he was well aware of this, but preferred to sink into self-pity. Since his victory over Kardoran and the loss of his lover, he felt only sadness.

When the wolf arrived back in his kitchen, he emptied out the stained grocery bag. He threw sausage packets, bread and a few other things on the kitchen cupboard and finally took two bottles of Kopa’che out of his pocket. He took them into the living room, where he sat in front of the television and watched quiz shows. These were the things people had brought with them. Watching TV was distracting, made you switch off, and you didn't think about the important things in life.

The wolf didn't do that either. Every day was the same until it was time to sleep again. He rarely dared to go out into the fresh air, which would have done not only him, but also his apartment good.

Next to his chair were a few empty bottles of his favorite drink, along with some other trash. Amarok picked up a smeared, sticky glass containing a dead fly and tipped the animal onto the floor so that he could fill the glass with Kopa’che.

He took a hearty gulp and spoke to himself, "It's called the same thing in both cultures, tastes the same, and makes all the males on both sides of the great sea come into heat."

He remembered that he and Joliyad had talked about it and smiled. However, the wolf male was not happy with himself: he knew he had changed, but what could he do? His friend had been dead for six years now and he had no one left. Eventually, someone would come and scratch him out of here when he finally drank himself to death.

Again, he thought about what had happened before the evil that existed everywhere today:

"You ... you are ..." stammered Amarok.

"Yes, I'm the one who sold you the knife at the time."

Amarok could not believe it: there was no Samoyedan soldier standing in front of him, but the shepherd dog who had sold him the hunting knife with which Radovan had met his death only moments ago!

"I am Chenerah Gajaze. Nice to meet you properly, Amarok," the dog smiled and held out his hand to the wolf.

However, the latter did not take it, but looked first confused, then suddenly desperate and began to scream and cry at the same time. He threw himself into the arms of the other male and beat his shoulders with his fists. "Why? ... Why did you give me this knife? ... What have you done?" he yelled.

He kept drumming on the dog, who then managed to hold on to his arms and thus let the blows end.

"Calm down, Amarok!" shouted the Alsatian.

But Amarok was beside himself and kept screaming: "Why?"

Then he collapsed, just crying, and sank limply into Chenerah's arms. The latter quickly crouched down and held the wolf in his arms, he hugged him tightly and stroked the back of his head.

"It's okay ... let it all out," he whispered in the weeper's ear. "It's going to be all right, Amarok. Go ahead and cry. You're angry ... that's okay."

The wolf's whining stopped after a while and he sat down on the grass. He looked at his dead friend and now really began to understand that there would be nothing that could bring Joliyad back to him.

"Chenerah, what have I done?" he whispered sadly.

"Well," the dog began, "the question is, what did we do? I sold you the knife, after all. Actually, everything was planned quite differently."

"What was planned differently?"

"I've taken Joliyad before and explained a few things to him. I told him that all this is just part of my imagination."

"And what does that mean exactly?" asked Amarok curiously, his sad expression turning into a questioning one as Chenerah sat down with him.

"I am an author, a writer. The book I wrote a few years ago is called 'Vulpes Lupus Canis' and is about, among other things, a fox, Joliyad, and his friend Amarok, the wolf."

Amarok looked at his counterpart without understanding and asked if Gajaze wanted to take him for a fool. "I have other problems now, you funny guy! My friend is dead, my country is in the middle of war..." he ruled.

"Yes, I know. Obviously, I completely lost control of the story. I used to think it was just a book - nothing more. Now I realize it's all taken on a life of its own. I shouldn't have put myself in it," the sheepdog began thoughtfully. "If you want, I'll show you that I'm telling the truth. All you have to do is come along."

Looking towards Bolemare again, Kakodaze's friend seemed very tense. He saw that several large towers were collapsing. The bursting sounds could be heard even here. The great golden Aramerian spaceship, the Agamemnon, was making its way through the silhouette of the city and was about to reduce its production land to rubble.

"What else have I got to lose? It doesn't matter anyway," sighed the Samoyedan. "But first I'm going to bury my friend."

Gajaze bowed his head, "Of course, Amarok. I'll help you with that. What are we digging with?"

"Thank you for your offer, but I'm doing this alone. I don't want anyone to help me," his counterpart said sadly, dropped to his knees on the spot and began to tear out the turf in clumps with his bare hands. He cried softly and you could tell that this was very exhausting and sad for him.

"Please let me help you ...", the dog spoke and was interrupted by loud grumbling of Amarok.

"No, let me! I'll do this on my own! Don't touch him!"

"Maybe you're right," the other male finally agreed, "and this will help you cope."

So he let the wolf, who a long time later had finally dug a small hole. Amarok's clothes were completely filthy and he was completely out of breath. He got out of the hole and carefully took the fox's body, which he placed in the grave with the utmost care. The wolf had been very exhausted during all this and when he had put Joliyad in, looked at him for a long time for the last time, he suddenly had to turn his head away and threw up several times, crying.

"I am so infinitely sorry, Amarok," his companion said softly, looking sadly at the Samoyedan, who turned back to him.

He said, "Sorry. It won't bring him back to me."

"I know," agreed the dog.

When the male wolf had calmed down again, he buried his friend with the dug up earth - but only so far that he was just covered by it.

"Wait here, please. I'll be right back. Don't let him out of your sight," he ordered Gajaze, who nodded and looked thoughtful again. Amarok returned after a few moments, holding the large core of a fruit in his hands.

"What are you up to?" the other male asked him.

While the wolf placed the kernel in the grave and wordlessly spread more soil in it, Chenerah understood, "So you are planting the tree of the everlasting covenant."

"That's right," the younger man confirmed, "and I want this tree to grow, just as our love for each other has grown. With each passing day, new branches will emerge, which will then intertwine and become a strong, powerful structure."

"Very romantic," Gajaze praised.

"No, tradition," his companion replied sternly and finished the grave by placing sod on the damp earth and planting a long kiss on it. As he did so, he whispered, "I love you, Joliyad. Please don't forget me, because I will never forget you either."

He wiped his nose, sniffling, and patted his clothes. A slight smile followed. "So, I'm ready," he said in conclusion.

Tears filled Amarok's eyes again. He looked at his glass, along the rim of which he stroked his thumb. 'I'll never forget you, my darling,' he vowed in his mind, taking another sip and continuing to watch TV to distract himself.

After the war started, people came to AlphaVul in spaceships. They brought with them a lot of technology, as well as the television and entertainment channels. Many new foods, which were not known here before, now crowded the shelves in large shopping centers. Everything had become more expensive and many could not even afford a normal apartment. This was the price the Samoyedans had to pay for the supposed help of the Gajans.

But the worst thing Amarok found were these so-called cars in which people drove along the paths: They smoked and stank quite disgustingly. Moreover, they were noisy and caused deaths. They were completely superfluous infernal machines, for which the strangers additionally extracted resources from the planet.

In general, the wolf found the people repulsive: they had hardly any fur, were greedy and stupid. It seemed to border on a miracle that they had learned the ability to fly into space. Perhaps they had simply been lucky. Whatever it was, they were here now.

Times had changed: Samojadja was now multicultural and on the verge of reaching the same level of development as Arameria. Bolemare was still its capital, but the aliens of Gaja had put their buildings in place of the Aramerian ones. Finally, the city had to be partially rebuilt at that time, as Amarok recalled from time to time:

A sudden roar filled the air and the two males knew immediately that it must be coming from the direction of Bolemare. Startled, they looked over and saw the largest of all towers - Kardoran's headquarters - begin to collapse. This made such a great noise that even in the forest behind Amarok and Chenerah, the animals were startled.

"Oh damn!" the sheepdog exclaimed in shock. "That wasn't supposed to happen like that!"

"What do you mean?", Amarok wanted to know, but he only got the answer: "We have to leave here. Hold my hand."

The wolf did as he was told and when he blinked for a moment, he suddenly found himself in a strange room. He was startled, "What ... is going on now?"

He quickly turned back and forth and looked into the face of Gajaze, completely overwhelmed.

The latter just stood there, smiled and said, "Welcome to Gaja, Amarok."

"Gaja? How is that possible?"

"We are here in my home. I told you that what I said was true: I am a writer, and I am not actually an Alsatian, but a human being. And humans live on Gaja. However, they call it 'Earth. Everything you see here is Earth about five years ago."

"This is magic. That's impossible! There's no such thing," grumbled the young male.

"It's true. Come with me, I'll show you," Gajaze offered. "Here, my collar ..." he said as they left the room and stood in a kitchen. He pulled down his shirt collar and Amarok caught sight of a wide, black leather collar decorated with silver dog heads.

"Yes, and?" the Samoyedan did not understand.

Then they went into a room that had to be the living room. A human was lying there on an orange sofa, sleeping, while a flat screen flickered and showed a commercial. There was also a long-haired German shepherd resting on the couch and sighing.

"Who is that?" asked Amarok, puzzled.

They walked slowly across the room toward me.

"That's me," Gajaze asserted.

"Really?"

"Yes, that's it. Look, his collar..." he then said, pointing to my neck.

"Indeed!" spoke Amarok, visibly impressed. "But, how can it be that you exist twice, on the one hand as an anthro, on the other as a human? I don't understand."

"Joliyad didn't understand that at first either. You must know that he has already seen me in this guise. I think he believed me, anyway."

"If he did, then I believe you too. However that is possible," the wolf male confirmed and looked at the sleeping sheepdog.

"And who is that?" he asked.

"This is ... was my companion at that time. Arki was a dog in a different, Earth-type form. Just like the dogs of Kardoran," Gajaze explained.

"What is an Arki? A breed of dog?" the male wolf asked in confusion, earning a grin from his companion with his ignorance.

"Arki, that's his name. It's an acronym composed of the qualities I've always associated with dogs: appreciation, righteousness, knowledge and intelligence. And believe me, most of them actually applied to this little guy," the Alsatian spoke, looking caring with a grin and going to the animal. He gently stroked its plush ear, whereupon Arki twitched his ear and opened his eyes.

Visibly shocked by this, Chenerah quickly took a step back. "That's not possible!" he said softly.

"What?", Amarok wanted to know.

"Actually, they can't see us. Even the animals can't. I'll explain that to you later. We better go back," his guide only said.

Amarok blinked unconsciously and suddenly he and Gajaze found themselves back at Joliyad's grave.

"What happened?" asked the wolf.

"It must all be very confusing," the elder replied curtly, however, without elaborating.

"Yeah, you can say that again. You owe me an explanation. Who or what are you really? And what was the point of selling me the knife?" the young wolf pestered him.

"All in good time," the dog evaded. "We'll go to your house first. We'll talk about everything there."

There was a brief pause, after which Amarok said sadly, "But ... I don't want to leave Joliyad."

Already slightly drunk, Amarok decided to visit Joliyad's grave. He was feeling bad and needed the support of his friend. He went and got into a kind of tube with a door in the marketplace of the village. The Aramerians had developed a new system for teleportation during the war and then the Samoyedans adopted it. The wolf did not trust this technology, but used it from time to time. There were still the old fast trains like in Arameria, but to save resources, a large part of the lines were discontinued at some point.

"Come on, you fucking thing! Move!" grumbled Amarok as he stood in the tube, doing nothing at first. "These stupid parts are just causing problems. Oh, maybe I should type something in as well."

He tapped around on buttons on the wall and happened to glance down at the floor of the round room when he noticed that someone had left a pile of feces here - and it smelled like it.

"Those disgusting bastards!" he cursed as he was suddenly surrounded by light and disappeared.

He found himself in another tube after a few seconds. The great sea could now be crossed in many places through these machines, but most of the time one still had to walk a bit to reach one's actual destination. The wolf had been transported to Odgniza Vedo, the so-called glittering lake, because Joliyad's grave was nearby. He disliked the fact that he still had to walk quite a distance.

"Oh yes," he sighed as he started to move, "but anything for you, honey."

While he walked slowly, the matted wolf thought:

Chenerah sighed, "You can always come back here and check on him. I promise you that, Amarok. But now we have to get out of here. The Aramerians will be looking for you soon. After all, you just killed their leader, and I'm sure they won't think it's funny."

Once again, Kakodaze's friend looked toward the capital of Arameria and saw that not a single tall tower was left standing. A low rumble was heard; and it meant that the destruction would continue. Sadly, he looked into the eyes of the shepherd and nodded. "Why are we going to my house? Everything there reminds me of him, doesn't it?"

"I myself have no home on this planet. I'll explain that to you there, too," the dog said, grabbing the wolf's arm, and again they were beamed away.

They found themselves in front of Amarok's house, whereupon Gajaze looked at it and said, "Yes, just as I imagined."

Amarok opened the door and asked, "What do you mean? And what is this contraption that's sending us through here? I'm getting dizzy already."

"Well," began the sheepdog, "that's called beaming. It's quite nice, and it saved me from having to write about lengthy journeys in my book."

The wolf only looked incredulous and shook his head as he wordlessly offered his companion a seat on the sofa. The latter sat down and looked around at all the pictures the wolf had painted.

"Again, I didn't know that ..." he mused.

"What do you mean?" asked Amarok curiously as he placed two glasses and a bottle of water on the table and faced the dog.

"I am, as I said, the originator of your world..." the elder began to explain, when Amarok interrupted him with a "But...".

"Listen to me. After that, you can doubt, Amarok."

"All right," the latter agreed, "go ahead!"

"All right, so I'm a writer. I'm the person you saw earlier. I started writing a book when I was about 30 years old, which I called 'Vulpes Lupus Canis.' In it I describe your and Joliyad's love for each other. I know about everything you guys have been up to. So ... including your video."

"By the gods..." the wolf sighed now, grabbing his forehead in embarrassment as he lowered his head and would have preferred to sink into the ground.

"Yes," grinned Gajaze, "you're amazed. But that should be proof enough for you."

"Indeed," Amarok agreed curtly and listened intently to the further explanation.

"I designed this story; and up to a certain point, it happened exactly as planned. I sold you the hunting knife because I knew what you would want to do with it. After all, the destiny written down had to be fulfilled. Unfortunately, there was a surprising situation that I had never written down. That then threw everything into chaos."

"What situation?"

"The one where Joliyad dropped the vase and preferred to hit Kardoran with its pedestal," the dog opened and tipped the two glasses full. He took a sip and looked very thoughtful and overwhelmed to his counterpart. He seemed to be really worried and not knowing himself how to proceed now.

"What's so special about this? How was it planned?" asked Amarok.

Gajaze mused, "You know, it was meant to be this way: Joliyad takes the vase, hits it over Kardoran's head, but then he doesn't get hit that hard and manages to snatch the knife from you and kill you."

"What?" yelled the young male, jumping up. "It wasn't him who was supposed to die, but me? I don't believe you!" Angrily he went to a cupboard and took out two bottles of Kopa’che. His eyes were moist and he felt that what this dog was telling him must somehow be the truth.

"Amarok, I'm sorry, but ..." he now tried to explain as the wolf set the two bottles down loudly on the table and sat back down.

"I don't need just one sip right now," the Samoyedan said, throwing his hands over his head. He sank into the armchair and closed his wet eyes. This information was a very heavy blow.

"This can't be true!" he scolded. "It means that actually I should have died in the place of Kardoran and Joliyad." He quickly bent over again, drank the water from his glass and refilled it with Kopa'che.

"Amarok, you have to believe me. I also thought it was just a story at first...", his rescuer tried to explain himself.

"Oh yeah, great story!" the wolf male now shouted angrily. "You were going to let me die? Great idea! Really ... quite well thought out!" Then he took his glass and drank it empty in one go, before sinking back into the chair and shaking his head again, completely beside himself.

Gajaze also finished his glass and then apologized again, "I had no idea that Kako would use the pedestal. Even Kardoran wasn't supposed to die, just get hurt. I swear to you."

The wolf, however, had no sympathy for this - and certainly not pity: "Don't act so desperate, dog! If only I had died in his place. Then at least Joliyad would still be there. You want to be desperate? How do you think I feel about it now?"

"Joliyad himself decided to act in this way. He did it out of love for you. Only to save you!"

"So what? He's dead because of that now, damn it!" shouted Amarok, struggling with tears again as he put his hands in front of his face.

When Chenerah saw this, he took heart and went to him and hugged him, slowly stroking his head and saying, "I'm so sorry, Amarok! I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Amarok arrived at the green hill where he had planted the tree all that time ago. It already looked very powerful and gave a lot of shade on hot days like today. No building had been made in this place yet, although Bolemare was already bursting at the seams. Besides the many Anthros, foxes and wolves, several hundred thousand humans wanted to be fed and find a place to live. This was difficult, however, in the midst of a war. The Samoyedan himself did not think anything of these aliens, but completely impressed by them and grateful for their help, all the others apparently found them quite great.

The wolf sat down in front of the tree and leaned back against it as he closed his eyes and relaxed. "Oh Joliyad, if you were here now ... everything would be better," he sighed.

The tree was a symbol: It meant eternal love between him and his fox. Its strong trunk rose up and it was beautiful, its branches strong, just as Amarok had wished. Surely it would have pleased his friend, but he was not here. On the other hand, this symbol of affection would never have existed if Kako had not become a senseless victim of Amarok's intransigence. His will was just like this tree at that time:

Irrefutable.

Unchangeable.

Powerful.

Suddenly, a strange feeling came over the wolf: despite the warm sunny weather, he felt cold and his fur stood up in some places. It was very quiet, almost a little eerie, and when he thought about it more carefully, the Samoyedan realized that not even a bird was flying in the sky. 'Really everything is silent, as if frozen,' he thought, whereupon he felt queasy, so he stood up again.

Yes, Amarok had become more and more skittish, sensitive to light and temperature in the last years, he hardly ever went outside the door. And if he did, it was only to buy Kopa’che or to visit Joliyad's grave.

The male looked up at the branches: there were many, which were strongly intertwined. One could not follow one with the eyes without encountering a tangle with another. Many green leaves and blue flowers adorned the crown.

"You've done well," the wolf praised with a smile and, closing his eyes again, inhaled the cool air that now seemed to surround only this place. "I'll be with you someday, my darling," he sighed, placing a kiss on the bark.

Amarok had cried a lot when he and Gajaze sat across from each other again and talked very matter-of-factly about the things that had happened. The wolf noted that this dog seemed to have absolutely detailed knowledge of all that Joliyad and he had experienced. Therefore, he decided to believe what he said. What choice did he have? He had no one else and nothing left to lose anyway.

When the second bottle of Kopa'che was already almost empty, Amarok noticed that slowly everything began to turn. Again and again he drunkenly asked the shepherd dog to undo everything, with his "magic power". But he kept saying that it was impossible, because his human shell was dying. Some time later, Amarok's mood improved and it was as if the two males were celebrating that the wolf had killed Kardoran. After all, this was the first great victory over the foxes. Again and again Amarok laughed and reenacted various scenes of the fight he had had with Radovan.

"And ... then I ... really ... fucked him up!" he slurred, growling.

Then he laughed shrilly and Gajaze wondered at his choice of words, "Fu... what?"

"Yes, fucked! Destroyed! Don't ... know that, you jerk!?" the wolf-boy continued to purr and fell back into his chair laughing.

Even though the shepherd knew that there was no danger from Amarok in this state, this situation was very unpleasant for him and he realized that everything he had to process was now bubbling out of him. At some point he would be lucid again and then probably only really realize what had actually happened today. Chenerah was secretly afraid of this, but didn't let on.

"Amarok, I think you are tired and need to go to bed. It's been a long day and it's late," he said.

"N-no! Let me still celebrate, party!"

"We can celebrate later, when this war is over. My people will soon cross over to Arameria from the south. Then we'll help you end it quickly," the dog explained and got up from the chair.

The Samoyedan didn't like the fact that he should go to sleep already and his mood was dampened again. "End the war ... Fuck the war! Fuck your dog war! Fuck foxes, fuck Kardoran!" he shouted, which visibly displeased his drinking buddy.

Later, he supported the wolf so that it could run up the stairs to the bedroom. Gajaze also felt slightly drunk and could hardly wait to find a place to sleep somewhere in this house. A lot had happened and he too now had a lot to think about. As he was to find out, however, he would not be closing his eyes on the sofa downstairs.

"What did I do back then? I didn't wait a day. I'm so sorry, darling," Amarok whispered, lowering his head guiltily. He stroked the tree some more before heading back.

Once home, the young wolf continued with his daily routine, sat in front of the TV and drank. It helped him forget all the evil in this world - at least as long as the effect of the alcohol lasted.

He woke up only when the sun was already high in the sky, had a dry muzzle and his chaps were sticky. A disgusting taste stuck deep in his throat and so he decided to finally take a bath again - even if that meant he had to scrub his bathroom first. He couldn't remember doing it, but he must have had a good binge of booze again yesterday. His stomach ached and he slowly pushed himself out of bed. Like every day, he sat down on the edge of the bed in a daze and lit a cigarette.

These drugs were not known on AlphaVul before humans either; and Amarok was not sure why he had started smoking in the first place. Nor was he clear when he had started, but he didn't care now. He was forgetting a lot lately, though. Even that he actually had a job interview with a human company today.

"Oh, fuck them. Fucking Gajans!" he just grumbled and went into the bathroom, where he flicked the butt into the toilet bowl and peed.

His urine was brown in color and his left upper abdomen was already hurting again. Surely he was sick, he knew that himself, but he could not help himself and he did not want to be helped by others.

He coughed and retched until he threw up in the toilet bowl. The wolf collapsed and held onto the flushing tank with one hand. With considerable effort, he then reached the button to flush.

"Ugh, what a shit!" he cursed, panting.

A few more struggles later, he stood upright again and wanted to look at himself in the mirror. But it was covered with dust and dirt, which the Samoyedan wiped away with one hand. He had not seen his own face for a long time and now, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he could look into his own eyes. But he didn't like what he saw: his fur was very felty and sticky and he looked older than he was. His coat was dusty and untidy. He also didn't smell the way he used to, but he didn't even notice that himself. He stank like a wet dog, even though his coat did not have any water for a long time.

Amarok grabbed his face with one hand and tugged at his fur as he said aloud to himself, "Man, I look like shit."

The wolf felt sick again and a strange grumbling could be heard from his stomach. He threw up in the toilet again and found that this time there was even blood. Then he thought that the time would soon come: he would die and could then finally be with his beloved again.

Damn depression! Why couldn't they all just disappear out there, these humans and foxes who were offered to treat them in hospitals in the Wolf Kingdom? The Samoyedan hated them, for nothing good had they brought to his country. Couldn't the war just be over? Then they could finally leave. But would they?

"Oh man, it hurts!" exclaimed the male, holding his belly in pain. He straightened up and contorted his face. It felt like someone was piercing his stomach with a knife and poking around in it.

"Ah, damn!" he shouted, closing his eyes so the pain would subside. 'Just wait a bit. It'll go away in a minute, like it always does,' he thought to himself, expecting it to subside.

When the time came, he intended to go back to the living room. He turned around and was about to take the first step when he slipped on his own urine from the previous day. He stumbled and with a loud bang hit his head on the sink, which broke. Amarok landed on the tiles with a crash and lay motionless as a pool of blood formed under his wolf head.

"Hey, G-Gajaze. Will you read me another story? Maybe your book 'Ulpes-Ulpes', or whatever it was called," Amarok slurred softly as the shepherd dog gently tucked him into bed.

"No, kid. You need to sleep now. It's been a hard day. Get some rest first," the older male replied and was about to turn away when Amarok grabbed him by the arm in a flash, opened his eyes and stared at him. At that moment he seemed absolutely sober again and the dog was startled when he said, "I know you wanted to mate with both of us!"

"What?" asked Chenerah in shock.

"Me and Joliyad," the male wolf whispered, "You wanted to have a threesome with us. That's why you wrote that crappy story, isn't it?"

"What are you talking about? You're completely drunk. Cure yourself before you say things like that!" Gajaze was drunk, but not enough to take what was said as it was. Stunned, he looked into the brown wolf eyes that almost seemed to stare into his soul.

"I know that because I can see it, dog!" hissed Amarok, pulling on the other male's arm so that he could then force a fierce kiss on him. Against this the shepherd tried to resist, however the wolf embraced him with both arms and sighed loudly.

"Amarok, don't do that!" interrupted Chenerah, as the latter gasped and stammered, "I-I ... want s-sex with you now, m-mutt!"

"But," the he replied, "what about Joliyad? Have you forgotten him already?"

"Jol... who? Oh yes, he's dead. He won't be watching ... Don't be afraid!"

"You need to sleep, Amarok, please! You don't know what you're doing," the victim warned.

But the wolf clasped him again and kissed him again and again wildly and uncontrollably. In the process, he wiggled his tail in an uncoordinated way, so that it grazed the bedside lamp, which then fell to the floor and it became darker in the room. In between, he sighed excitedly, "I ... know you ... want me. Do it! Take me! Come on! Be a male and let's do it!"

Then Chenerah noticed that Amarok would probably not let go of him and he himself was overcome by alcohol. Therefore, he gave up his resistance and returned the kisses.

"Yeah, I kind of want to," he admitted.

"Then let's just do it," Amarok offered to his counterpart, grabbing his crotch. "It's not like anyone has to know. It's been such a hard day, Chenerah ... Let's take this B-Beamer thing you took off the fox. Let's get the hell out of here. Somewhere w-where ... it's way more awesome!"

"Since the tower collapsed, these things don't work anymore. Where would we go?" the Alsatian asked, feeling himself getting more and more excited as well. So he just let it happen. He hastily took off Amarok's shirt and undressed.

The wolf gazed at the canine body and seemed beguiled and fascinated in equal measure. "I've never seen one like you so close," he confessed, "l-let alone touched. A dog. Kind of ... sexy."

"Take your clothes off, wolf!" the older male ruled with a smile.

The younger wolf took off his clothes, lay down on his back with his legs wide apart and wiggled his pelvis.

"Come on, sweetie," he pleaded, and Gajaze gently settled between his thighs.

They had tender sex, which was somewhat uncoordinated because of the alcohol and did not last very long. However, they were firm with each other and for Chenerah a dream came true that he also had as a human: finally he experienced what it was like to have sex with an anthro.

After they both enjoyed the lovemaking, Gajaze lay flat on his stomach and smiled contentedly. "You ram fantastic!" he praised, while the wolf scratched his back.

"I'm more drunk, I guess. That's why it happened so fast. Sorry," said the younger one.

"So we're both sleeping in your bed after all?" the shepherd wanted to know, secretly hoping that Amarok would agree. He did, nodding with his eyes closed and about to fall asleep.

Chenerah watched him for a while longer and whispered, "Poor Amarok. What a hard day this has been for you."

Suddenly disillusionment set in and it became clear to the Alsatian what he had just done. He got a guilty conscience, because he had slept with Amarok, who had just lost his lover today! "This should never have happened," he admitted to himself, now hating himself. He was aware that the wolf had forced the act between them, but he didn't want to tell himself that he was any less to blame for what had just happened and what it might mean for them both.

Would Amarok still know the next day what they had done? What would he say, how would he feel?

At first, the dog thought about leaving that very night. But he could not let his new friend stand there alone by simply slipping out of the affair. No! He would wait for the next morning to see what Amarok thought about it.

"Whatever happens, Amarok, thank you for my first time as an anthro and with an anthro," Gajaze whispered, giving the wolf a gentle kiss on the cheek. But he didn't move and snored softly, which elicited an affectionate grin from the older male, after which he now also fell asleep.

Far from this event, the rumbling over Bolemare still did not cease, and from the grave of Joliyad, as if by magic, a small plant sprouted: it was tiny, delicate, and representative of a new beginning.

XII. Beyond sadness

A

marok's swoon slowly dissipated and his thoughts gradually became clearer.

"Amarok, are you awake?" a voice asked.

The wolf blinked slowly and bright light blinded him. He cautiously opened his eyes and stared for a moment at a snow-white ceiling. "Where ... where am I?" he asked.

"You fell. Your friend found you in your bathroom."

Confused, the Samoyedan sat up when he saw a vixen standing next to his bed, caringly stroking the back of his bandaged head and smiling.

"What happened?" he murmured, squinting his eyes because his head was pounding terribly. Everything was blurry and unreal. Was he dreaming, was he hallucinating?

"You had a gastric rupture," the fawn explained, "and then you got a nasty concussion on top of that. We didn't think you were going to make it. That was a last-minute rescue."

"Who are you?" the male wanted to know, looking at her seriously.

"I am Jeremia," the vixen replied calmly, bowing. "I was with Joliyad before you, for a few days at least," she went on to explain, causing Amarok to look stunned.

"Oh, he told me about you guys. But that was a long time ago. How is it that you and I, of all people, should run into each other?"

Jeremia sat down on a chair that was next to the hospital bed. "Well," she began, "I wanted to be an aerospace engineer. I changed my mind, though. Broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and became a healer. It's a job that's more needed here now. When emigration to Samojadja was allowed for some professionals a few years ago, I moved to this hospital."

Jeremia held out a picture of their former friend Joliyad to the impressed wolf, with only him smiling.

"I don't know this picture at all," said the male wolf softly and took it. He looked at it, crying silently. "He was so cute," he said bitterly, and Jeremia just nodded, because she understood very well the pain he was feeling now.

"What have I done?" continued Amarok, crying.

"Amarok," the vixen interrupted him, "read what's written on the back."

The male dog turned the picture over and could not believe what he was reading: "For my Amarok! Whenever you are lonely, my darling, I am with you!" Below it was drawn a kiss smiley and finished the dedication with "Your vixen Joliyad" and a self-painted heart.

When he read this, Amarok became even sadder and sobbed with narrowed eyes. He kept hitting himself on his thighs with his fists, whereupon Jeremia calmed him down.

"Amarok, calm down! Don't do that! Listen to what I have to tell you," she begged.

The wolf stopped hitting, turned his head to his visitor and looked at her in despair.