Finally ME E-Book

Anja Sander-Theis

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 245

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

"Finally ME" is a personal guide. The book deals with the development of self-esteem and self-love in adults and children. It combines fictional stories of fictitious people, which the author combines with practical advice and spiritual approaches. The focus is on learning self-acceptance, self-love and positively influencing one's own life by changing thought patterns and raising awareness.

Leseprobe

Foreword

Dear readers,

A few months ago, I reached a point in my life where I realized, that I wanted to pass on to other people all the knowledge, I had gained through my encounters with people, experiences, helping others and my own long phases of development. Everything that I felt and still feel today. Not to lecture, but to show through myself, as a human being, by means of the development I have experienced, that many events in my past were necessary in order to reach the place, where I am today.

It took an incredible amount of courage and self-confidence to dare to write this book. I don't have a high school diploma, so I owe the knowledge, I have today, to the constant desire and thirst for knowledge bubbling inside me, to question things and get to the bottom of them. In problematic situations, I reflected on my own actions and constantly searched for answers to many questions, that arose in my life. I have devoured countless books on personal development, spirituality, systemic parenting advice, epigenetics and even quantum physics over the course of my life. During the puberty phase of my 3 daughters, I was not too shy to accept help from outside - from social workers.

My course in life was set by family and professional obligations that I couldn't simply give up, and I also didn't want to give up everything just to fulfill myself. My sense of duty and loyalty to my family was too strong. And that was a good thing. As much as I wanted to take part in courses, seminars or training sessions or start a degree course, I was denied the opportunity to take part in these further education measures, because I had no pedagogical training. I completed my mental coach training in 2023. I thus fulfilled one of my heart's desires, at least in a tiny way.

As I got older, I developed more and more self-esteem and suddenly I even felt this self-love. Deep in my soul. I'm not perfect, but I realized that this was exactly the feeling I had been missing for decades. I didn't dare to tackle many previous challenges. I really lived out my negative belief system: "I'm not good enough!"

Among other things, I thought that if my parents had taken more care of me, I would be able to shine today with an A-level. The fact is: I still wouldn't be able to show off my A-levels today. That was entirely down to me. My capacity at the time simply wasn't enough (I have to smile about this in silence today). However, with this feeling of self-love and self-acceptance, I would certainly have been happy many years earlier. Teaching self-love was not an educational task back then.

Self-love, a basic need

I love myself! Is that so? Do you feel really comfortable in your own skin? Do you look at yourself in the mirror and think: "It's nice that I exist!" When you stand in front of the mirror in all your glory, do you appreciate yourself, with all your quirks and flaws? Too fat, too thin, too thick legs, too flat breasts. For men, the lack of a washboard stomach, too few muscles. These are just the superficialities. What you criticize about yourself on the outside deepens on the inside. It manifests itself in the smallest corners of your subconscious. This can lead to you not believing in yourself, in life and constantly doubting your abilities. You may do a lot in your life for others so that your fellow human beings are well, but do nothing for yourself. You don't feel a sense of well-being in your soul, but simply do things without any real fulfillment within you.

That's what happened to me personally. I always had some kind of problem with my body and appearance. I was never satisfied! Just as little with my inner self; the emotions or the decisions I made, that I regretted afterwards. "If only I had acted differently!" For example, I often told myself this when things didn't seem to be going so smoothly in my life. So often I cursed myself for certain weaknesses, that I recognized in myself. Other people were blessed with strength and good looks. The lives of the people around me were always so successful, but my own? My goodness, a diet couldn't do me any harm.

In all the years of my now grown-up girls' childhood, I neglected to ask: "Do you love yourself? How are you feeling? Are you comfortable in your own skin?" I said the words "I love you" a lot. And I thought about how great and beautiful they are and also how proud I was of them. I emphasized their achievements and when they had managed to achieve something, that seemed totally labourous in advance, I praised them with "Bravo!" Were these phrases enough for my children? Perhaps a little. But their path to becoming self-confident people, was still very rocky. I had to admit to myself that I had made a lot of things possible and achieved a lot. Financially and emotionally.

I had showered my girls with praise and recognition for the goals they had achieved. I had always (I thought) stood by them with advice and support. But had I taught them self-love? Well, I'll admit it openly here, it wasn't part of my upbringing. There is a big gap here. I rewarded performance and success. If they were mentally or physically unwell, I rushed to help them. However, back then I didn't realize how damn important it is to love yourself and not just achieve something professionally in life. I'm not saying: I would do everything differently today! No! At the time, as a young mother and wife, I wasn't aware of any other options and I always made the right decision based on the knowledge and skills I had back then.

Our children today are born with a new, clearer, more translucent, more unclouded consciousness. Our task will be to recognize this and to teach them self-love from an early age. With this gained self-respect and love for themselves and their own person, this wonderful consciousness of today's children will change TOMORROW, the future.

I am simply writing down the experiences I have had over the past few years. I would like to pass on my findings to parents, who often feel that they are failing. They are aware of the peculiarities of the children, entrusted to their care and are in a constant inner struggle because many of these children do not fit into today's educational learning system. Abnormalities are diagnosed and the little ones are molded and sedated for the necessary duties of performance. Parents are often left with no choice. There are no other alternatives and they resort to medication, for example. Doctors recommend medication (often feeling the powerlessness of the situation themselves) and so medication seems to be the only option and solution.

Parents experience this helplessness with their offspring. They experience these feelings of failure within themselves. The great disappointment is crushing. My child doesn't fit in with the others and is labeled a troublemaker. Involuntarily, children develop negative beliefs that they take with them into adulthood. Our educated future will therefore fill psychotherapists' surgeries in the coming decades. What a prospect! I am in no way condemning this approach or the parents. If it gets too hot for plants in the south-facing window, we adjust the environment. We move them to another room and to a window with less direct sunlight. We change the external conditions so that the plant feels better. We read books about the growing conditions a plant needs to thrive. But children? They are adapted to the environment and the conditions. What a pity. Perhaps this is a starting point for rethinking?

What can we do?

We cannot change the school system overnight. There are already many positive approaches in our schools and kindergartens. However, we lack the financial means and also people, who learn the profession of educator and teacher and implement it as a perceived VOCATION. I would like to play my part in recognizing, appreciating, nurturing and accepting this new, wonderful awareness in our children and not letting it wither away. We will learn and be shaped by these wonderful creatures and souls if we let them. In a wondrous way. On our level of existence, we have an opportunity that we should seize together.

I would like to address everyone - parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, life companions in all forms of society, who are contact or reference persons of some kind. There is an African proverb: A child is brought up and formed by a whole town. I deliberately do not use purely spiritual language, because teaching self-love and passing it on to children is not exclusively about spirituality. Every psychological therapy begins with recognizing WHAT the person seeking help is missing and WHERE the inner shoe pinches. Health and behavioral psychology is the science of human experience and behavior in connection with health and illness. The WHO (World Health Organization) defined it as early as 1948: Health is the state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

Many illnesses can be traced back to a lack of inner happiness and self-esteem and a lack of belief in one's own abilities. Self-doubt and fear dominate the core of many people: the soul. Many life events shape us all. That's just the way life is. Are we helpless in the face of life? Different personality traits, the individuality of each person, determine whether a person copes better with stress or becomes ill. Personal (convictions, self-worth, social skills, intelligence, confidence, willpower) and social resources (material potential, social network, family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues) are extremely important in order to be able to withstand external pressure. The expectation of self-efficacy, optimism, confidence in one's own abilities, one's own positive assessment and the ability to accept help, even in difficult situations, are based on a very important characteristic: self-love.

What exactly do I want to convey in my book that cannot be found in many specialized books on personality development? Many works by great authors have been written and are specifically related to the mental development of children.

Communicating self-love in everyday life. Through life stories of people from everyday life. Perhaps some readers will find themselves in these everyday stories and events. As soon as you read these stories, you will feel the effect they have on you. How quickly frustrating moments can turn into happy moments and how the hermetic teachings, which offer a wonderful opportunity to lead a happier, more fulfilled life, can be integrated into life and provide explanations. Recognizing yourself and finding meaning in life. These are fantastic, positive aspects of self-love.

I am not a storyteller of fictional events, but the events in this book, which I have freely invented and written down, happen anywhere and at any time. Do you know fateful events from your personal environment? Or do you carry a traumatic event of your own in your heart? I would like to use this possibility of empathy through the fates of these people, even if they are made up here, to convey the values needed in advance to our children, to show why certain exercises can be carried out with the children in their world and perception, so that they can later face the obstacles in this plane of existence much stronger and more composed. I have read many spiritual books. They found me and I am also grateful for the knowledge I was able to gain.

However, people who live more in their dreams or desires and on the outside are not accessible to this spirituality and therefore do not open their minds to it. Many would, because it enriches people and does not cause pain. But spiritual books are often impenetrable in their own language, difficult to understand for one or the other and seem like law books, which the church institutions also have at hand. I use simple, down-to-earth language with plausible words and explanations. Understandable for everyone and user-friendly, without instruction or „guru chatter“. You just need some support? Would you like to respond better to children and offer them good guidance? Are you looking for reasons, why life repeats itself over and over again in its challenges? I hope my words will help.

When we do feel something, feel the words in our heart, only then does our consciousness open up to it. We do not have to experience everything ourselves, but if we are able to reflect on experiences from our surroundings that provide insight into our own lives, then there is the possibility of positive knowledge. About ourselves and our lives. We must also not forget that we exist here on this plane of existence, our life around us, in order to experience, comprehend and endure our experiences, and that we should not forget or neglect them! What is the point of only spiritually questioning and shaping our everyday lives and forgetting a very important aspect? OUR ordinary life? Believe me, that's not what we want either!

I will only briefly present the hermetic teachings here. In their essential aspects, to give every reader the opportunity to understand what they are and where their value lies. This is not a religion. The hermetic teachings link all religions together. Those who do not find themselves spiritually addressed or appealed to, may find these stories and references useful in finding a more fulfilling life through their own reflection, because it enables parallels to be drawn with themselves.

I include the approach, so that we can avoid the danger of manifesting negative beliefs in children's minds. If you would like to learn more about the hermetic teachings, the Kybalion, after reading this book, I can only recommend that you read and learn more. There are countless books and ways to find information on the internet that will show you the way. If you feel the desire, you will be given the right information. This is also an effect of the hermetic teachings. It is called the law of vibration or the law of resonance. It is based on the knowledge that similarities attract each other, while dissimilarities repel each other. Everything influences and is influenced by others. I offer a clue and everyone carries their own will within them. What follows from this, is, as it should be.

The person I am today required extreme stages of life and experiences, whereby I always saw myself as a victim. The spirituality in me was always there. However, I never knew what great meaning it had or where it would lead me. Spirituality gave me the ability to reflect on myself over and over again and to question my own actions. Through what? By talking to my ego, that inner voice within me. In my own deep, quiet and loud conversations. Like those with a friend, only with my intuition. The voice gave me answers and encouraged me to consider various options and didn't hold back when it came to getting rid of criticism and tormenting me.

We know that we, ourselves, our ego, are our biggest critics.

"You can't do it!"

"It's your own fault for this dilemma."

"Put up a fight!"

"Don't put up with it!"

I felt this smallness. Very deeply and no one around me suspected it. I was like a self-confident, aloof, extroverted, loud, space-filling, unemotional, resolute, emancipated, know-it-all, omniscient person. I inspired people, who came into contact with me, to turn their lives around. Just my appearance and demeanor, without me moving people with words, caused them to question their lives and to go into new starting holes in order to shoot their lives into new directions from there, like a rocket shot. In the perception of other women, I created the image of a tough, great personality. Men tended to see me as too much of an emancipated woman.

Today I know that my task in this life is to pass on my knowledge to help other people, to find a positive feeling about their lives and themselves and not just idly endure and live through life. In the spiritual world, I would perhaps be described as a kind of light worker. Through my Human Design Analysis I was able to learn that I am a manifestor type and that my task in this life is to convey information. Since I have awakened, I can no longer rest. I now live in the certainty that all my encounters have to do with me personally and that I cannot help but love all life on this earth. My self-awareness and experience even drove me to become certified as a mental coach, just to gain additional, albeit limited, knowledge about people and psychology.

In the case of coaching, words burst out of me, but in retrospect I can't tell you exactly where my knowledge comes from. It's just there! I have helped many people and it feels fantastic. Respect for everyone who has nothing to do with spirituality is part of me and it is very important to me not to convert anyone, but simply to lead them into self-love and THAT alone is my endeavor. I also emphasize that I do not feel called to lead mentally ill people to healing! That is the job of experts and psychologists, therapists who have the knowledge of a specialist and years of study to be able to help these people! It would be presumptuous on my part to believe that I would be able to do this just because of my life experience.

I impart my knowledge and hope to reach people who are simply open to new approaches and listen. In this case here: read. Sometimes it is enough to find new starting points through conversations in order to question certain thoughts or views. Talking to each other can change perspectives and points of view and that often helps enormously! I myself was often stuck in a dead end and suddenly through a book, a conversation, sometimes through a scene in a movie, the solution came to me. I changed my perspective and the solution was right in front of me. Writing a book gives me the opportunity to reach many people that I don't meet in my everyday life.

I had my children very young. I was often overwhelmed. My intuition kept telling me, but I ignored this very quiet voice from deep within me. It was too quiet and contradicted all the tips and rules from parents and grandparents on how to raise children or which foods were good for the little ones.

Spinach is healthy.

Children are placed on the pot from the age of one and a half so that they don‘t sully their diapers anymore.

You have to boil the bottle very thickly for the night, then the child will sleep through the night.

You don't give your baby a bottle at night. Once you start, you spoil it.

Letting children scream is good for the lungs.

At the lunch table, people don't tell each other stories and leave their toys to one side. You eat or play. You can't do both at the same time.

A child should sleep in its own bed, otherwise you will soften it up.

Boys don't cry.

So much good advice that gave me goose bumps and made my hair stand on end. However, I did what these experienced mothers told me to do. After all, they knew everything and I couldn't push their experiences aside or ignore them, knowing better. I was young and they were all-knowing. Added to this was the fact that I was still at the beginning of becoming aware of myself. Unsure about so many things, but I didn't want to admit that at the time! I had enough to do with constantly explaining to myself why I had become a mother at such a young age! On the outside, I radiated total self-confidence. That was awesome!

But one thing was already clear to me back then: every time I used old-fashioned parenting methods on my eldest daughter and stretched both of our nerves to the limit, my whole body would respond. Trembling, chills or crying fits. Something very important was missing from these guidelines of the generation before me. A little voice whispered quietly inside me and now and then I even followed it! I made up my mind: YOU DO IT DIFFERENTLY! I will never forget what the voice from my stomach murmured to me: "How should a child learn to love itself?"

What's the point?

Realize how valuable you are; and if you are in a situation in your life right now where you are doubting yourself, then perhaps my explanations and stories in this book will inspire you, you may discover a path through these hermetic teachings that can guide you and provide explanations for your life and actions. I make my knowledge available to you. In your dealings with your children, you can directly experience the miracles that happen when they believe in themselves, trust themselves, love themselves and are happy about who they are.

These descendants change the world with a great, higher awareness of life, of their fellow human beings and of nature as a whole. They already carry everything within them. Our task is to PRESERVE and PROMOTE their innate abilities. Not to DESTROY their gifts and talents. Children also challenge you daily, to question yourself, on how you are behaving through their behavior! They are your mirror! Are the children shouting? Where are you shouting? Aggressive children? Where are you behaving aggressively? Even if you are only being aggressive towards yourself personally. You are doing yourself so much harm! Are you treating yourself well? Do you forgive yourself?

I have remembered who I am. Today I feel a great sense of gratitude, even humility towards my past. In order to truly understand life on this earth, all my life experiences had to flourish and happen, so that I could develop compassion. It is hard to put into words how much empathy has been created in my soul through these events. Even towards myself! Only now can I show love to all people, nature and the animal world. Today I know that we are all connected. My EVERYTHING serves only one purpose: to work FOR other people.

Events without names

The people in the stories I am writing here are not named. The stories are not based on my own experiences. The stories are fictitious. They are individual fictitious fates that could take place in all social classes. The frequency with which problems in our lives are exacerbated by a lack of self-love is enormous! Negative beliefs are born from the frustration that grows within us and eats away at us! Yes, it literally tears us apart! Negative beliefs block the way to a happy life. They are based on the fact that self-love has never been trained in the same way as being kind to others! Always be kind to your neighbor, but to yourself? Oh dear, that would be selfishness! No! There is a healthy selfishness that is part of self-love! An important part! Know who you are!

Read these events in this book and imagine you are sitting comfortably with a good friend, a friend or a trusted person. The stories in this book, which are told by fictional characters, come to life through your visualization. You might even be drinking a cup of coffee or tea with the person you are talking to and suddenly this person begins to share experiences from their life at eye level. In your imagination, you know each other and are familiar with each other. For this reason, names don't matter. Through your mental imagination, you create your own private, intimate atmosphere with the person from the story.

While you are chatting like this, the stories of the person you know deepen. They begin to talk out of their sewing box. They talk about their deep inner turmoil and the emotional struggle they once had or perhaps still have. As you listen, something happens inside your body. Empathy, compassion? Feel even deeper into yourself. What does this feeling of understanding do to you? How do you react? Questions arise! How did the people in these stories manage to change their attitude to life? Where did this sudden change in their attitude towards themselves come from?

From:

eternally in the struggle for life

Running after existing illusions

constant conflicts

their mind is not focused in the present moment

Towards:

Satisfaction

experience more happy than unhappy days

Satisfied charisma

Respect your own quirks

Living in the here and now

After the fictional person has told their life story, I connect this narrative with the corresponding hermetic principle in order to create the bridge. This is followed by: "My personal lessons from the past." The person from the respective event tells how their "own reflection" came about. This is followed by: "My recognition." The person from the respective event tells us here how he or she came into the story. How they managed to change their life or at least reflect on their own personal view of themselves and their fellow human beings. Self-love emerges. Even if only in very small steps! A seed has been sown. The harvest will come later. The imaginary person also succeeds in appreciating themselves. The fictional stories and incidents are intended to have an authentic effect on you, the reader. In some cases, I deliberately wrote the stories in a colloquial tone. In a situation of inner frustration, an impulse-driven inner constitution, control is not everyone's first virtue! THAT is real emotion!

I share my personal recommendations, suggestions and views from my own life and dealings with children in the section "You and your child". The context always refers to the relevant event and story that is being told.

Happiness is not measured by money. Being happy radiates happiness and it doesn't matter how many possessions you have accumulated in order to radiate contentment.

"What can I do to achieve these changes and attitudes to life, without being hit by such blows of fate or experiences myself? Do I first have to feel very deep despair myself, go through hell, in order to then become insightful and change my life as a result?" These questions will arise.

I know how it feels to arrive at such a point in life where it feels like things can't possibly go on as they are. We recognize, understand, know, accept, but we just can't get into the action that could change everything.

Don't forget the law of application in this and all other things. The Kybalion.

I had definitely moaned and suffered a lot in the past! I experienced physical pain. Irritability and of course, worst of all, I was terrified! Many people are literally hounded by fear. I wasn't spared from it either.

The existence, the social environment, the family, all sorts of reasons can be listed. Phenomenal alibis for not achieving set goals. However, people forget that they don't have to throw their whole life in the garbage can just to find happiness. When people succeed in finding self-love, the strangest things happen! They infect those around them with their charisma, because everyone will notice it and the other person will develop the feeling of wanting a piece of this great cake! We can involve all the things and people we love in our change and of course not everyone will want to follow the new path that suddenly opens up! The question then arises: What is more important to me? Me or the others? Those people, who cannot rejoice with us, do not deserve to be our companions. I wish everyone much success and happiness in gaining the insight that it is worth making the effort to reflect on yourself and to pursue the desire for change WITHIN YOU.

We all know that when we are in the dark, we long for the light. Without darkness, we would not be able to see the light and this is my starting point in recounting the events in this book: I am pointing out an instructive fact! Only once you have fallen, are you suddenly able to recognize what you are missing and, if you are lucky and have the strength, set yourself in motion and in the direction of the light. Love for others and self-love.

In many conversations with people, I have been asked about the hermetic teachings and how these principles manifest themselves in everyday life. How do I recognize these hermetic teachings? When do they appear? Where are they? That was my starting point for this book and the way in which I could impart some of the knowledge to other people. The stories and incidents are case studies, so to speak. It sounds strange, but it's just the simple life that happens around us. I made the decision to create fictitious people who make their way in fictitious life stories.

For me personally, the hermetic teachings finally gave me answers as to why one thing or another had to happen in life, indeed had to happen. In dealing with my youngest children, who I only took into my life in my mid-forties, I learned to recognize new possibilities. Helping these little beings to learn to love themselves is right at the top of my parenting agenda today! I admire the fantastic development of the young children entrusted to me, to this sentence that they will one day utter: "I love myself!"

Are you already in love with yourself and reading this book out of curiosity?