Help, I'm the plague E-Book

R. A. Liebfahrt

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 446

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Welcome to the one-man comedy show with Friedwald Fröhlich from Freudenstadt; today, however, not on stage, but in book form for reading. Friedwald's life could be so peaceful if it weren't for his dear neighbors ... With wit and irony, the first-person narrator shares his curious encounters with us: The famous twig hangs over the fence, the snow is not cleared properly, the music is too loud in the garden. Sometimes the vice squad arrives because they suspect a house of pleasure; sometimes the garbage collectors come to pick up the bulky waste; then ghost hunters come to clear up the ominous noises in the night. Torn between the two, Friedwald soon no longer knows what is right or wrong, allowed or forbidden, until he finally realizes: "Help - I'm the plague".

Leseprobe

01 Freedom

I am the expression of freedom. The way I live, the way I feel, the way I simply am. I am freedom, and that is simply wonderful and indescribably beautiful. I live in a great house and feel really comfortable in it. My relatives and neighbors say that I snuck this house, or more precisely, that I snuck it by inheritance. Admittedly, I didn't work for it or earn it. It just fell to me. I don't know why either. I also don't know why my grandfather left me this house and this property. Thank you, Grandpa, for your legacy, you can see that I cherish it and live exactly what it promises, namely freedom.

And this is exactly where this story begins, which actually resembles a nightmare. At this very moment, the criminal investigation department, also known as the criminal investigation department, is standing in front of me and simply claims that they have to arrest me because I am a danger. When I ask them how they came to this conclusion, they say that this is not part of the investigation and is not relevant. But I know exactly where this message came from. Exactly, it's from my dear neighbors, who take great care of me and my activities and keep a close eye on me. Just as a precaution, so as not to endanger the "well-being of all". Admittedly, their approach or way of life is not quite the same as mine. They are something like the "moral sovereign" among the living. This means that they are always and everywhere right and lead an exemplary life for themselves and their fellow inhabitants. How did I notice that? Exactly!

It all started with a simple little twig that was determined to find its way to freedom. Leithe shoot had grown on the wrong side of the tree, the trunk, and so the direction was predetermined, and this direction led directly into the neighbor's garden. In his endless urge for freedom, he focused all his energies. It was magically drawn to the light: "I want to go here and nowhere else!"the branch thought to itself and grew enormously strong, long and fast. Almost overnight, it had grown a meter, and that was just the beginning. Growth and development in full bloom was the order of the day and night. I didn't even notice it at first. I am happy about my garden, about the gift of nature. Every plant can flourish in my garden, there are no limits. What I hadn't considered was that I and my garden are not the universe and that my, our infinity has boundaries, and these boundaries begin at the fence to the neighbor. When I discovered the escaped branch, my first thoughts were,"I hope he hasn't noticed yet!"After all, I don't want any trouble, and I'm fighting for peace within myself and in the world. In my mind, I was already forging a rescue plan:"I'll sneak up very quietly with my secateurs and string, I'll secure the branch beforehand so that it doesn't fall to the ground, and with a quick cut I'll cut off the runaway branch, pull it to my side with the string and it can then serve as compost!"

I wanted to put this plan into action, but unfortunately it didn't happen, because I was stopped two meters from the ground line with a "stop".Stop immediately and do not approach me. My neighbor Klaus confronted me and explained the rules and regulations: "Actually, I'm not like that at all!"he began his explanation. "But that's what the law says, or are you trying to break the law?" he asked me back. I just shook my head. "Well, then we're in agreement," he continued. "Since you are unprotected, you have broken the distance rule, don't you know that there is a 3-meter distance rule to the ground line and you have exceeded it by at least onemeter, what are measuring tapes for?" he shook his head disapprovingly. "But I don't want to be like that and tolerate this one-off transgression, but what I don't like at all is this branch that has encroached on my property without permission. Normally I don't care about such things, but in this case I can't just accept it. Did you know that I pay taxes for this branch, I also have to pay a waste disposal fee and I have to pay more electricity because this branch casts a shadow on my photovoltaic system and therefore reduces the output, would you put up with all this?" he asked me again. I was just about to answer him when he interrupted me again: "I forgot one more thing, this branch is using up my oxygen in my garden, which only belongs to me and my family, it's a predator, so to speak, assimilating at my expense, and I can't and won't allow that. I will have to report you for trespassing, robbery and coercion, I'm sure you understand that, don't you?" I take advantage of this brief pause and ask him with these words: "Can't we this differently?"The answer follows promptly: "And how do you envisage that?"-

"Of course, I will pay for all damages and would even add a little extra to show my good will!" -

"So you want to bribe me so that I won't sue you! Do I understand that correctly?" -

"No, not at all," I reply. "I just want to be a good neighbor, and I certainly don't want to harm anyone." There is a brief silence, and my neighbor Klaus looks at me very closely, his gaze becomes serious and gloomy and so do the words that follow: "You're lying and treating me inconsiderately and disrespectfully!" -

"Why?" I ask back. "Yeah, don't you realize you're not wearing a mask!" -

"Why should I wear a mask on my own property?" I reply. "Stay away from me with your pathogens,and please read the regulations and new rules, masks are compulsory for all unprotected people and you must stay more than three meters away from any living creatures, and this also applies to your own property."

After a brief pause for reflection, I back away without saying a word. As I leave, I can still hear my neighbor grumbling. Subconsciously, I hear his words:"I'll have to report you!",then he falls silent. I immediately go to my garden shed and do what I always do in a situation like this. The first thing I do is turn my radio on at full volume, then I take my scythe and start mowing, singing my favorite songs out loud, talking to the bees and snails without a mask and really rocking out. My "scythe rap" is a sensation and unmistakably cool. My garden is beautiful and my mood is good. Under my sunglasses, I obscure my view, which is only focused on my own garden. I'm not interested in the world around me. Oh, isn't life beautiful. I draw a strip or swath right next to my ground line and no one can stop me. So for a long time I don't notice what's going on in the neighbor's garden. Only when a shot rings out do I stop my work abruptly and look up.

And this is exactly where we are right now. Eye to eye with the police. As it turns out, they have fired the warning shot. A whole mob of protesters has gathered, complaining wildly about my irresponsible behavior. They demand I stop work and get out of their quiet and friendly settlement. They exert massive pressure with the words:"Where are we going if everyone can do what they want".They even give me an ultimatum. I have the choice between "Lock up or disappear!"Of course, disappearing forever has priority.

I take the petitions, put on my headphones so that only I can hear my music, sharpen my sense and continue mowing to my beat, unperturbed and without looking up. In my mind, I have images of a peaceful world where people hug, sing and celebrate together, I see a world of love. It wasn't until later that I realized that this behaviour was the straw that broke the camel's back, namely at that very moment when police officers threw me to the ground, pulled my hands behind my back and handcuffed me. They drag me to their police car. As they pass by, I can still hear my neighbors shouting:"Lock him up, he's the plague!"

Oh, how nice, they are standing guard and giving me a dignified exit from my own garden. Only now do I notice that the officers are all wearing gloves and have covered their faces with masks. My wish to be allowed to sit in the front of the car is not fulfilled. To my astonishment, I have to sit alone in the quarantine vehicle that has been towed along, but I still wave to my dear neighbors: "I'll be back soon!"I tell them, thank you for making this experience possible for me. I'll tell you all about my interrogation and the arrest. Oh, Mr. Klaus, could you perhaps cut my branch in your garden in the meantime, as I have already submitted my tax return and can no longer take this into account, thank you very much, see you around.

02 On the hunting ground

This is the end. I'm just imagining how I'm vegetating lonely and abandoned in a prison cell, how death slowly creeps in through the cell door and finally takes me away or redeems me.

Over and out, this is not the end, it's just beginning. They'll get to know me, I'm looking forward to this fun, to this realization, after all, I'm not just anyone, I'm different, I'm the change or maybe the nightmare, who knows!

My imagination runs wild as I ride in the storage container. This is how I imagine the police station. A modern department with lots of people, upholstered furniture and Venetian blinds and nice, friendly cops who look after people and help them and don't prejudge them. They bring people coffee and cake and then try to establish the facts with them and refute the accusations. Each police officer then forms their own impression of what happened. This clears up a lot of misunderstandings and makes it easier to understand a lot of things, not to avoid punishment, but simply to understand the situation and to better understand the person concerned and their emotions, feelings and the reason for their crime. Not all lawbreakers are radical or unpredictable murderers, perhaps even monsters.

These are my thoughts, and we chug straight towards the station. A rude jolt pulls me out of my fantasy world and lets me know that we have arrived. The door is opened and a loud roar sends me the message that I should get out. In my cautious manner, I approach the exit very slowly, whereupon I am given a push to speed up my steps. With a rubber truncheon in the small of my back, I am pushed into the guard room. It's a sterile room with hard wooden armchairs, nothing like I imagined. Once I'm seated, I'm first given time to adjust to the surroundings, which means I have to wait a long time without really being looked after. But I don't mind, so I continue to daydream and stare at the bare walls. It is a place of nothingness, and so there is nothing to feel here either. So I paint this room in my mind with a colorful meadow of flowers with lots of butterflies.

Every wait comes to an end and so, after two hours, an inspector comes into my room with his support officer. The inspector takes a seat opposite me, but his assistant has to stand. After a short pause for reflection, the inspector begins to speak:"Do you know why you're here?"There is another short pause for reflection on my part and, fresh and free, I answer as follows:"Because I mowed my meadow!"Another moment of silence follows, and my counterpart says emotionlessly: "You think you're really clever, don't you?"and finishes with another question. After pondering, I say:"Yes, I do think I'm intelligent!"The two officers look at each other, nod and smile and continue with the interrogation. "Since you see this differently than I do," Mr. Columbo begins to speak, "let me read you the facts. Your neighbors have the following complaints against you:

'Noise nuisance when mowing due to listening to the radio at ultra-loud volume, non-compliance with the distance rules at the boundary, disturbance of the peace at night due to loud shouting and screaming with the windows open and talking to yourself while gardening, as well as disfiguring the landscape due to insufficient maintenance and littering your property!" -"I see," I nod understandingly, "I wasn't even aware of that, I'll do better, may I go now?" I reply.

A broad smile now adorns the inspector's face: "No, you can't go!"he tells me and continues: "We need to clarify a few things first, and the first is to take stock of your name, etc.?" Of course I nod again and answer the question as follows: "My name is Friedwald Fröhlich and I live at Glückseliggasse 7, 8540 Freudenstadt, I am divorced, have no children and inherited the house and land from my grandfather, my profession is mentalist or consciousness teacher, I practice from home, I have no car, only a bicycle, I don't own a cell phone, my only connection to the outside world is the Internet!" The inspector nods again benevolently and ends the silence by moving his head and asking a specific question:"Do you have a criminal record?" -"No," I answer quickly and without hesitation. This answer is not enough for the sheriff, he immediately probes:"Have you committed any crimes?"Now I have to think about it. I start my remarks like this: I actually think of something, and open-heartedly tell Columbo that I once stole chewing gum from a gumball machine as a child, I also illegally stole things from the dumpster and took a dog's sausage, but it wouldn't eat it anyway. The inspector looks me up and down, gets up from his seat and starts shouting loudly:

"You are worse than the plague, you are the virus that is eating into our society and that nobody wants, you are the scum of the earth and if you carry on like this, you will fail. The law is still such that I can only give you a warning, but soon we will lock you up, but before that I will keep an eye on you, and if you make even the slightest attempt at general nuisance, we will come and get you, and then you won't get off so easily!"

Peaceful silence reigns again in the interrogation room and for a long time we just stare at each other. Assistant inspectorthen speaks to me calmly:"Do you want to say something in reply?"The gears in my head are turning again and my thoughts are weighing up whether I want to say something or not, so I start to speak:"I don't want to annoy or bother you, I just want to my life as I imagine it, I also don't want to disturb or cause trouble for my neighbors, I live in my place and fight for my healthy garden, a peaceful world and for happy people, and I sometimes shout this joy up to the sky, that's all!"

After I finish my answer, there is absolute silence again. You can tell from the inspector's red face that he didn't like what I said and he starts to scuff his feet on the floor. To show my good will, I add to what I have said:

"Dear Inspector, I notice that you are overworked and not completely relaxed about your work, so I would like to invite you to my garden to release your blockages, that's what I specialize in and that's why I offer you this completely free of charge and without consideration, then you can get an idea of my work and my work for yourself!"

The officer then bangs his fists on the table, does the same with his head, stomps even harder into the floor and begins to snort loudly. Then I hear him say the following words:

"You think I'm overworked, you invite me to your home and offer me a treatment, but now I'm bursting at the seams and you'll have to make do with my treatment for once!And that is as follows:

"Bribery of officials, giving false testimony and resisting public authority,"the inspector reads me the charges and so on. "You'll be remanded in custody for this. Go on, lock him up," he orders his aide, thus ending his official act.

So now I'm sitting in a padded cell with no windows and no view. I'm being held for no reason and now have enough time to myself. I start planning the new garden, andI also want to redesign the house. In my imagination, I can see the pictures of how I envision this and they look wonderful, I'm just bathing in euphoria and joy at my ideas, which are just pouring out of me. I am creating a realm of lush growth, of health, and I am also creating a filling station to recharge my spirit. I give none of it to my neighbors, so I will isolate the border, perhaps with elephant grass or something, to protect it. I slumber away in my dream until a guard wakes me up and says:

"Time's up, you can go!"

"Thank you,"I say, how quickly time flies sometimes. I say a friendly goodbye at the station and walk home to my house and garden, singing. Before I enter my property, I quickly call over to my neighbor:"Greetings, Mr. Neighbor, I'm back and thank you for giving me this time, thank you very much!"With a serious look on his face and without saying a word, he goes into the house to accept my gratitude in silence.

I hear a loud roar in the neighbor's house - what do you think it is?

03 The quarantine

If your neighbors love you, then love them too, and if they don't love you, then love them anyway, because they often don't know what they are doing. I often don't know what I'm doing either. Some things I just do without thinking and this is often the reason for difficulties when you do something without thinking. You often only realize this when you see the consequences and effects, as in my case, but I'll get to that later.

Oh, what a great new day, I think to myself as I open the windows of my house. Thank you, Grandpa, I call out, thank you for this gift, for this beautiful place. In a good mood, I prepare my breakfast and squeeze my own multivitamin juice, almost exclusively from my own production, and that's exactly what I love so much about my new life, this independence, these free decisions and being able to enjoy my own house and garden.

I sit for a long time at breakfast and look out of the window at my natural garden. It's not perfect, but I'm working on it and creating my own oasis of well-being. I am happy in my world, and I don't mind that not everything is always perfectly organized and symmetrical. I love chaos and the many possibilities that can arise from it, and this fills me with joy. I know that many people call me a weirdo, a drop-out who only owns and has something through inheritance and therefore finds it easy to use it up and even mess it up. They also see me as a troublemaker in their perfect world, often even as an eyesore in the midst of a functioning society. None of this bothers me, because I build my own world without judging theoutside world or defaming what I have just done. I leave them alone and want to be left in peace.

My name is Fröhlich, and I'm happily chirping a little song to myself. I'm already looking forward to today and making a plan of what I'm going to do. As I only have one appointment today, i.e. a visitor or a patient who wants to use my services, I have enough time to start redesigning my garden. I decide to start by fixing the edging, keeping the distance to the borders. To do this, I use a flat spade to cut an edge into the meadow to make the boundary clear. Then I get plants for my elephant grass hedge. I'm looking forward to when the grass is over two meters high, then I'll be completely in my own realm and won't disturb my neighbors with sound and vision. I have a good feeling about it. Because I enjoy it, the work is easy for me. I even have an additional idea, which is implemented immediately. Grandpa still has so many flat metal sheets in his garage and I bend and cut them to size and dig them in as lawn edging. The rust on it doesn't bother me, on the contrary, I really like it.

In my mind, I already want to turn up the radio and sing songs to express my joy to the world around me, but I'd rather not do that today so as not to provoke those around me. If they want it quiet, then let them have it quiet, that's totally fine, I have no problem with it. At this moment, my neighbor starts his lawnmower tractor and rattles over his two-inch-high grass at full throttle. He has a system and everything is kept short, constantly and always. Life must have its order, he says. My neighbor is really industrious, because after an hour of lawn cosmetics, he now starts his cordless hedge trimmer to cut off the wild runaways and create a rectangular or square appearance. Full of dedication, he turns his attention to everythingthat is undesirable, and after a short grrrrr ... and rrrrr ... everything is even and level, and he even uses his spirit level to weigh in the nature in a plumb line. To each his own, I think to myself.

In the meantime, I put on my earmuffs and put"Vivaldi's Four Seasons"in the sound funnel, so I can enjoy nature and music, humming the melody from time to time and even dancing to the right beat. It's nice that everyone can live in their own world. Here I forget space and time, I am happy when a butterfly sits on my shoulders and conveys its joy to me in a harmonious way. Afterwards, these butterflies hum a round in front of my face and thank me in their own way. I chirp, I whistle, full of verve and vigor I dig out spade after spade, place the earth in the wheelbarrow, position the iron, tap it firmly with the rubber mallet and fix it in place by tamping it on both sides. Meter by meter, I work my way forward and have great fun doing it. I am completely in my own world, oblivious to my surroundings.

So I am quite startled when suddenly my neighbor stands in front of me and yells and screams:"What have you done again?"Astonished, I take off my headphones but let the music continue to play and shrug my shoulders to show my ignorance. My neighbor runs up and down, even kicks furrows in my meadow and curses loudly to himself: "You parasite, you virus slinger, you've contaminated my wife!" -"What have I got?"I ask back. "Don't ask such a stupid question," he replies promptly and continues: "You've brought viruses or bacteria from I don't know where and infected my wife, her face and her whole body are covered in this eczema, you should be quarantined and isolated immediately, you have a contagious disease!" I explain to my neighbor that I am perfectly healthy, that I don't have a contagious disease or want to spread viruses. Undeterred, he tells me to go into the house immediately and not to leaveuntil the risk of infection has passed so that I can no longer cause any harm.

In the meantime, my neighbor has even put on a face mask and disposable gloves. He wants to drive me into my house with a two-meter-long stick. So we play"disease catch"and run all over my garden. A fun game that I've never played before. My favorite friend then leaves without accomplishing anything, can hardly breathe under his mask and has to take it off, panting and gasping, so as not to die of suffocation. He then retreats back into his walls.

But there's something in the air, I can feel it. My left eye twitches and my big toenail sticks out. I have every reason to be careful. With foresight, I quickly provide my animals with enough food, such as the rabbit, the cats and my free-roaming birds. I quickly resume my work when real "aliens"storm my garden. I can't recognize the fully masked men or women, they surround me, spray me with disinfectant and use loudspeakers to announce their message:

"You are now under quarantine. Until we have located and identified the unknown virus or pathogen, follow us without resistance into the epidemic wagon and to the epidemic ward!"The pungent disinfectant makes me sneeze and cough, whereupon the isolated troops retreat and throw a safety net over me in fear. Caught in the net, I ask if I can at least get my jacket, which is immediately shot down with a clear"no". In order not to come into contact with myself, I am now pulled, or rather dragged, to the car with a winch. There the floodgates open and I am immediately greeted with a nice welcome shower. Unique, today's new technology, jets open from all sides, and I am cleaned and cared for like in a whirlpool, the eye goggles protect me from red burning eyes, and I also get a free hotßes steam bath. I am taken to the epidemic ward, without contact and isolated from the outside world.

Through a ventilation slit, I can still see my neighbor, covered in scabies and pimples, being pushed on a stretcher into the nearest other epidemic trolley, well looked after by the isolated Martian women. I wish her all the best and a speedy recovery and, above all, a clean face and the most beautiful smile.

Then we drive off and straight to the"clean environment"epidemic center, where I get a single room at no extra charge and have to spend my time in quarantine until further notice."Do I really have the plague?"

04 In the lock

The plague was a medieval epidemic and was also known as the Black Death. It was a bacterial infectious disease that was mainly transmitted by rats. External symptoms were fever and bumps on the body. According to my research, this could really be the case. My neighbor has scabies and bumps, and to my neighbors, I'm a rat. Help, the plague is back!

Things are going quite well with my lock keepers. They are becoming more and more trusting and are slowly approaching me. I am no longer the wild animal, the infectious parasite, but an ideal research subject. Something like a friendship even develops, but it's more of a trial friendship. Samples are taken from me from a safe distance and with a robot-controlled arm. I am so grateful, because I am really being put through my paces. Everything is pulled out of me, asaliva sample, blood sample, urine sample, fecal sample, intestinal sample, skin sample, hair sample, nail sample, sweat sample, tooth sample, sperm sample, eye sample, ear sample, muscle sample, bone sample, lung sample, heart sample, kidney sample, liver sample, pancreas sample, thyroid sample, fungus sample, bacteria sample, virus sample, brain sample, waking sample, sleep sample, snoring sample, singing sample, roaring sample, reaction sample, blinking sample, smelling sample, touch sample, sensation sample, memory sample, sanity sample, mother-in-law sample, although I don't have one at the moment, and finally an esoteric aura sample so as not to exclude my surrounding bodies.

So I feel really well looked after, and I am happy to take part in these tests and evaluations voluntarily, as it is about safety, not only for myself, but especially for my neighbor and of course for the wholeze world and its population. There's something special about a test lab like this. It's really about the nitty-gritty, nothing is overlooked and nothing is left to chance. The whole day and night is spent testing, evaluating, analyzing, considering all possibilities, testing and comparing with data from all over the world. Isn't that wonderful and perfect, I'm so grateful that I can help the world. As the evaluation progresses, I notice that my analysts are keeping less and less distance from me and are even allowed to seek and have a conversation with me. They ask me what I react to and how I notice it. My answer is:

"I mostly stay in my peace and very rarely react to anything, but what does make me quake is noise and sounds from lawnmower tractors that disturb my meditation, but this is just a learning process, I know anyway that I have to look past it and tune it out and not hear it at all!"

Unsatisfied with my answer, the researchers follow up and tell me which things I am allergic to and whether my body or skin shows rashes or bulges. I nod and describe my "special mixture allergy", caused by my neighbor's special gasoline, to which I react as follows:

"I sneeze, get puffy eyes and a red head, but otherwise I tolerate the stuff quite well!"I finish. Perplexed, everything is written down and the experts retire for consultations. This gives me time to think again and to take a deep breath. I return to my world.

In my mind, I'm in my garden, raking up the leaves. I create several piles and use them to build a shelter for my hedgehog friends. I'm also clearing the path that winds its way through my garden. It's just coarse gravel, but it's good to turn the stones over from time to time, and it also makes it firmer. Isweep in my garage, I sweep in the cellar, I sweep in the house and in the attic, and last but not least I sweep in my subconscious and throw out everything I no longer need, these are things like resentment and hatred and my neighbors.

Especially the prejudices against my neighbor Klaus and his wife, like a general condemnation of bad humanity. In my mind, I throw everything into a waterfall and see if it all gets washed away. I even rinse so that none of it remains. It can't go back anyway. My world is safe and sound and a smile spreads across my face. That's why I can survive these few days of quarantine and am always in a good mood.

Then the time has come, the series of tests is finally completed, the floodgates are opened and the council of experts comes to me in my cell. The head professor even shakes my hand without gloves and happily reports the result:"Mr. Fröhlich, you are completely healthy and free of all germs, viruses and bacteria in the world, you are an all-round vital specimen of 'Homo sapiens'. With your genes, you are destined to live to be 120 years and older, congratulations!"the professor concludes his analysis protocol. He and his colleagues applaud together and then we hug each other and are "one" in the eternal circle. Finally, the professor remarks euphorically:"You can go, Mr. Fröhlich!"

I'm about to leave when I turn around and say:"I have another question?"- "Please just ask," the professor replies."Then what's wrong with my neighbor?"is my short and direct question. A loud burst of laughter breaks out and this laughter infects me too. "She has ..., she has ..., she has a'rabbit tooth allergy'",the expert replies with a loud laugh. Reassured, I leave the lock center.

On the way home, however, I am overcome by a guilty conscience. I still blame myself a lot. I don't want to harm my neighbor either, and Idon't want to gloat either. But I also know that one of my rabbits lost a tooth and that I carelessly threw it over the house or over the hedge without thinking about the consequences.

How could I have known or even suspected that this tooth would have such an impact? My careless behavior is weighing me down. What should I do now? The best thing is to do nothing and bury my head in the sand and laugh gleefully at my neighbor's rash and bumps. No, I can't do that and I don't want to. I ponder and stroll towards home. There are really only two options, either I leave everything as it is, with a chance of this happening again, or I have my rabbits slaughtered and completely eliminate this risk. I start sobbing and crying at the very thought of having to slaughter my rabbits. No, I can't bring myself to do that. At the same time, I also want to rule out anything that could endanger my neighbor. As I hang my head, I suddenly have an inspiration, and it's really brilliant.

I have enough savings on the side, and I will literally have my rabbit's teeth pulled out and dispose of them properly this time.

As a"thank you", they then receiveimplants,i.e. completely neutral and sterile teeth, and then they are unrestricted in their lifestyle. Beaming with joy, I head home and organize everything for the upcoming transplant. I can even choose special nail teeth for my pets. The procedure is painful and I have to feed the rodents a liquid diet during this time, but the safety of my neighbor is more important to me. But after a while, the rabbits start eating on their own again and I enjoy watching them. I particularly like their long white incisors, which sparkle in the sun. They are the first rabbits with artificial teeth in our area, and I am proud of that. I even show my dearlings to my neighbors, who are amazed at my care, but shake their heads and say:"How can you be so stupid as to spend so much money on your rabbits' teeth!"

Finally, peace and quiet returned to our neighborly relationship, and my rabbits were allowed to play and eat in the garden without shyness and without a fence, according to the motto: "If the rabbits are doing well, we're all doing well!"

05 Where is the refuse collection

One reason for the outbreak of the plague was certainly the lack of hygiene and contaminated water, caused by real pigs among the people. No, I don't want to be one of them, although I already have quite a mess. Scattered garbage doesn't bother me, although judging what is or isn't garbage is another way of looking at things, and opinions differ widely.

This is my state of mind right now. I can't and shouldn't complain, things are better with my neighbors than they have been for a long time, or perhaps ever before. That's why I'm determined to maintain this good energy. I keep my distance, turn down the volume of my music and my rabbits, cats, mice, lice etc. also stick to the rules. Only in this way can I, and the world, find peace. Many people also make use of my services, mostly people who are stranded in life and no longer know what to do, but also excluded people who feel threatened and isolated by humanity and the world, as well as curious people who simply want to try everything out. That's fine with me, because I just want to help. Word of my unusual treatment methods has long since spread and many people just shake their heads, but that doesn't bother me. Here is a brief explanation of my therapy method.

First of all, everyone has to ground themselves, which means taking off their shoes and walking and feeling in the garden for half an hour, then sitting down, closing their eyes and looking deeply into the sun until they discover their own light. Only then do I come into play"personally", my patients have to lie down on the massage table at. I don't touch them with my physical hands. But I don't touch them with my physical hands. I just feel inside them and then I know immediately where there is a problem. These are usually mental, emotional issues, but also physical tension, pain and messages. The next step is for me to withdraw again. I return to myself and draw up a therapy plan for my patients in my mind. They are very different, often they just have to lay out a garden hose and roll it up again until they no longer feel any stress. Some also have to climb my lime tree in the garden to overcome their fear of heights, while others are allowed to dig with me until they have found their treasure, perhaps a corpse, or have uncovered everything they need for their future life. My only task is to accompany them. Every now and then I give my patients a therapy tip and guide them back onto the right path. Every person could actually heal themselves, but their minds are too blinded and manipulated and are led too much by the mind. That's fine by me, I make a very good living from it and that's all I need. So I run my practice in my soul garden and it is full of things and objects that are worthless to most people, actually just garbage. But for me and those seeking my help, they are real treasures to help them organize their lives or simply to make them happy. I also need a few guides from time to time and so I place many of Grandpa's things in my garden.

The placement is done without a plan, just by feel. I throw almost nothing away, as many things can be used again and again.

So I was surprised to receive a letter from our local authority asking me to dispose of my garbage properly. I would never have thought that our municipality would be so proactive, as I was just about to clear out my garage and rid the whole house of a lot of garbage anyway. The municipalityde also gives me a time frame of four weeks within which this has to be done. I don't mind, sometimes I really need pressure to tackle unpleasant things that I don't really like. Once it's finished, I have to report it to the municipality, as the letter says. The way our mayor and the local councillors look after their citizens is really exemplary, so I start my"rubbish removal campaign"the very next day. My sorting is as follows: Residual waste in the bag provided. Bulky waste is put on the trailer, which is then taken to the building yard, paper, plastic and glass are put in the container, and valuable items from my grandfather are first cleaned and then distributed in the garden together with his energy. It may sound strange, but I prefer to discuss all these things with my grandfather (talking to myself) so thatI don't have to remove them again later. In a few days I've done everything and I'm proud of myself for what you can do when you enjoy it and the energy is right. The"garbage quigong"has really worked for me. I also report my work to the local authority and add a few pictures to provide evidence.

But now I've earned another break and plenty of rest. Today I'm postponing a few treatment appointments and taking some time for myself and my garden. I place my deckchair in the middle of Grandpa's things, lie down and enjoy my work in complete peace and relaxation and let it take effect on me. "Didn't I do a good job, Grandpa?"I ask the garden. It's as if he's answering, because all of a sudden a gust of wind blows through it and it almost sounds like a"yes".

Unfortunately my perception was wrong, it was not my grandfather but the municipal garbage truck with five people that turned into my driveway and caused the gust of wind. Head garbage man"Dreck-Weg"held a letter from the municipality under my nose, stating that theyare authorized to remove the garbage from my garden. There is also a short postscript:"Due to an anonymous complaint, the municipality is obliged to clean the appearance of the municipal area, and here there is danger in delay, here the common good comes before individual interests", according tothe reasoning of the municipal council, "with love, your mayor!"

With a weeping heart, I have to watch as the garbage collectors track down my grandfather's valuable belongings and put them in the garbage truck. Piece by piece is removed to comply with the regulations. I try to save a few things and want to bring special items back into the house and garage, but it's too late. These things are also snatched from my hands, I even fight with the disposal specialists for them. They just say:"Give it up, it's just garbage anyway and it's not worth keeping this junk!"But I don't give in so easily, no ..., no, not the rusty iron bed. I hang onto the bed with a cable tie lying around and try to save it. Every attempt to remove me fails, and so I am loaded together with the bed. On the iron stretcher, I see some neighbors who are watching the goings-on in my garden, even equipped with binoculars. You can almost feel their mischievous smiles and I think to myself:"Are they my anonymous conspirators?"Just don't think so badly, my inner "me" immediately comes over me again. So I let myself be taken away as garbage and have the opportunity to get to know the garbage dump from the inside.

The garbage heap worms tell me that I will be professionally unloaded and separated at the iron yard and allowed to go home again. But I don't want to leave yet, because I see so many nice things here and there that I could really use. So I just go home quickly, get my car and trailer and load up lots of valuable things. I have a huge selection here and so I dive into the biggest pile of garbage of all time and, what's more, I get all the things for free. What I don't take with me,is then shredded in the scrap press. Back at home, I realize how big my garden actually is and how much space it offers for design and I start immediately and really take my time with each piece.

My neighbors are even so enthusiastic about my activity that they photograph my work and my creations. There are no limits to the imagination here. I would never have thought that garbage could be so attractive. I put up my greatest treasure again. It's my grandfather's iron bed, which is now leaning against the walnut tree in full size and can just rust away."Yes, he who rests, rusts!"

06 The snow

If neighbors knew how much I like snow, they would ... Oh dear, they know and shower me with it in abundance. If you also see "white and snow" everywhere, then welcome to "Winter Wonderland".

I've just got up after a good night's sleep and look out of my window as usual. The corners of my mouth immediately turn upwards. I am overcome with joy. I start to jump, really jump up:"Hooray, it's snowed!"The white splendor envelops nature, envelops my garden, envelops my estate, envelops the whole city. For me, snow is like a gift; it cleanses me of all dust, dirt and other annoying things. The snow cleans the air, the path, the garden, the roof. I open the window and take a deep breath so that I can inhale this purity, which also cleanses my lungs, my heart and my blood. I stand there quietly and let this purity, this beauty and, above all, this incredible romance take effect on me. My thoughts tell me that the snow not only cleanses but also protects. By covering the ground, it insulates it from the cold, keeping the animals warm and cozy underneath. It also warms the seeds so that they can sprout and germinate again in spring. Snow is also a great water reservoir; its crystals freeze and store water, which is slowly released into the ground when the thaw comes. So nothing is lost. "Oh, how wonderful nature is," I shout out into the world. I love the snow and immediately take a few photos to capture this feeling. Of course, I also post them on my status and on the internet to share them with others, indeed with the whole world. The whole world is happy about it!The whole world?

No, there are people who see snow more as a burden and unnecessary ballast, as an enemy, as an intruder who has gained unauthorized access to their area. This probably includes my neighbors, who start the snow blower at 3 a.m. to remove the intruder. The paths are cleared and cleared immediately, everything is simply dumped on the main road, where the municipality then acts within its jurisdiction. In some cases, the snow is even milled and blown to my side just to get rid of it again. But the snow is insidious, it crumbles and is not so easy to push and mill away. Pieces of it remain lying around and stick to the path. Of course, this cannot be accepted so easily. It is immediately counteracted with road salt so that the snow melts and runs away. It doesn't even matter that this burns the plants in the vicinity and causes brown damage. This can then be clearly seen along the paths in spring. I can't understand this, but I don't mind this attitude. I can't have enough snow, so I don't get upset about this growth on my site. I'm in no hurry to clear the snow and often leave it untouched for days on end. I also love stomping and making tracks in the snow, just like my rabbits and cats do. My property now looks like a snow palace in the middle of a neatly cleared area.

My neighbors also shoveled my driveway full of snow. Even the local snow plow has done its best. At the moment I'm locked in and can only leave my snow palace on foot, but that doesn't bother me too much as I like being at home and I enjoy it to the full. My patients have to cross snowy mountains and valleys before they come to me. They go on a snowshoe hike, so to speak, and are welcomed and rewarded with a snowball fight. This apparently goes too far for my neighbors, so I have been called and asked to shovel off the roof of my house to protect Passanten from the avalanches. How worried my neighbors are.

Of course, I politely thank them for this reminder and explain to my neighboring friends that my roof avalanches fall in the protected area, i.e. the snow lands in the"unshovelled"area piled up with snow, where I am not allowed to enter anyway. Without listening to what I have to say, the call is disconnected and the receiver is hung up.

After this brief interruption to my rest, I continue to enjoy my snowy landscape. Secretly, I wish that this would last the whole winter. Now I can also see a squirrel practising flying in the snowy branches. You can feel how these animals love these acrobatic exercises and I do too. You can do a lot with snow, but there's one thing I haven't done for a long time and I'm going to do it in my garden right now. I'm going to build a giant snowman. I have enough material, and at some point I'll have to clear my driveway anyway to get back in touch with the outside world. So I start with the basic structure in the middle of my garden, welding together an iron frame that can withstand the heavy load on the one hand and guarantee stability on the other. This is then filled with snow. I shovel and compact it so that there is no more sitting later. Due to its size, I have already used up the snow in the close-up area, so I have to transport the snow here with my wheelbarrow for the hull, which is supposed to be thick and expansive. The integrated wooden frame forms the belly and the arms. As my big one is already several meters high, I'm installing a pulley so that I can bring the snow up to this height. Tubes are also drilled as buttons and a tension belt serves as a belt. And on it goes. I form the head right at my driveway on my trailer. A huge polystyrene ball serves as the shape and a large round garbage container as the hat. As I don't have very long carrots,I carve a nose out of wood, which is drilled in and screwed on. I need the screw connection for safety and also to be able to attach it at the right height. A broken car tire serves as a mouth, and I cut large eyes out of the pool tarpaulin so that my snowman has sky-blue eyes that shine far into the sky. I transport the skull to the headless statue in the garden. But how do I put the head on the torso now? I prepare a neck thread so that I can simply screw the skull onto the body.

I attach a pulley to the large cherry tree, attach the rope to the head between the nose and ears, pull it through the pulley, attach it to my car, and by slowly driving forward, the head is lifted up, set up on the threaded rod, the direction of rotation determined, released from the pulley, and with a quick jerk, my head screws itself into the body. It also stops properly with the nose in front of the belly. I have to say that the planning, construction and production were perfect and I am very proud of my giant snowman.

So I have a work of art in my garden, and at the same time the snow has been cleared from my driveway. I am happy to share the masterpiece with the whole world. Many onlookers come and are amazed and fascinated by the size and workmanship. My giant towers far above my house and looks out into the world with a smile over the roofs, our street and the town. Many photos are taken and posted. I even manage to make it into the newspaper with my snowman. I, also representing my grandfather, am delighted and let it sink in. Afterwards, I make some mulled wine and toast myself.

Unfortunately, this joy is short-lived. A thunderous roar and a loud screech are heard. The earth trembles as the armored division rolls in, determined to face the enemy, destroy it and take no prisoners. Open fire, it says, and without hesitation my snowmanis fired upon. The snow flies and my "Frostie" is once again shattered into small snow crystals. The maneuver takes a short time and the armoured vehicles roll off again with the victory flag.

Naturally, I inquired about the reason for this military operation and it was as follows:"Anonymous neighbors felt the snowman was a threat to themselves and their children!"You can't put a monster like that on children's doorsteps and scare them. Military intervention was therefore more than justified. Incidentally, it is precisely these children who are playing Level 5000"Destruction of the Earth without Survivors Omega 6"on their Playstations.Unfortunately, I have disturbed their peaceful world!

I stand crying in front of the wreckage of my snowman and simply cannot believe his demise. Then a churned-up snowflake falls directly into my hand. It shows me a snow crystal of infinite beauty and perfection. Yes, everything in nature has an order and nothing is lost, even if it is shot at.

Out of gratitude, I form a snowball and shoot it directly into my neighbor's garden, sharing the beauty of nature with my neighbor. Maybe they misunderstood, because at that moment a snowball comes flying and lands in my face:"Thank you, I got it!"