If History was Scottish E-Book

Norman Ferguson

• Herausgeber: Luath Press
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

An alternative look at notable figures and events as seen through a unique Caledonian perspective. The attributes associated with being Scottish are applied to well-known quotes and events. Covering topics such as war, politics, cinema, religion and more, the text will be accompanied by light-hearted and witty illustrations making this an ideal book for the gift market both in Scotland and further afield.

Leseprobe

NORMAN FERGUSON has been interested in history ever since receiving the Ladybird book on Robert the Bruce as a youngster. He studied Scottish History at university, although little has been retained. He still doesn’t know if James iv was a Renaissance Prince or not.

He has devised websites for the Scottish Government on Scottish history, including one on William Wallace. As a result, he spent far too long watching Mel Gibson’s Braveheart for research.

In his spare time he has written comedy for radio, tv and books. His proudest comedy moment is making Radiohead singer Thom Yorke laugh out loud on Radio One.

After a spell writing non-fiction history books, he felt it was time to use his accumulated knowledge for more lighthearted

ends.

If History Was Scottish is his sixth book.

By the same author

I See… Modern Britain (Portico 2008)

I See… Xmas (Portico 2008)

Chronologia: 24 Hours of History (The History Press, 2012)

The Glasgow Book of Days (The History Press, 2013)

The Little Book of Aviation (The History Press, 2013)

NORMAN FERGUSON

with illustrations by

BOB DEWAR

LuathPress Limited

EDINBURGH

www.luath.co.uk

First published 2013

ISBN (print): 978-1-908373-67-0

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-909912-63-2

The author’s right to be identified as author of this work under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 has been asserted.

© Norman Fergusson 2013

M & D for starting it all.

Contents

Introduction

Afore-History

Biblical Times

Ancient

Middlin’ Ages

1500s Bags of Tudors

1600s Uncivil Wars

Shakespeare

1700s Enlightening Times

1800s Mills and Looms

1900s The Bell Epoch

1910s Oh, What a Boggin’ War

1920s The Roarin’ and Greetin’ Twenties

1930s Flapping Thirties

1940s Mair War Years

1950s The Cauld War

1960s The Swingeing Sixties

1970s Striking Years

1980s The Gimme Decade

Advertising Slogans

1990s The Nineties

2000s The Jim Noughties

Top 20 Pop Songs

20 Great Books of Literature

Days of the Week

Introduction

HISTORY IS FULL of powerful and colourful characters – those that grabbed their chance for immortality, lusting after their spot in the pantheon of the famed. There’s Alexander the Great, Peter the Great, Catherine the Great, Frederick the Great, Otto the Great, Alfonso the Great, Hugh the Great, and Alfred the Great. None of whom, are Scottish. There is nothing a Scot could do to earn that level of nomenclaturive praise: Alexander the Awright, Peter the Okay, Catherine the No’ Bad maybe.

As we know, Scotland has produced numerous figures of note but none of them are suffixed ‘the Great’. Even King Robert i whose tireless efforts freed a country from under the yoke of oppression only gets ‘the Bruce’, which is his surname.

However, this book isn’t about him or any of those from his country, it’s about the other world – the non-Scottish world – but seen as if infused with the qualities that make up a collected form of Scottishness: the caustic wit, the shrewdness, the ultra-cautiousness, the sentimentality, the pride and the ease of issuing judgment, to name but a few.

Welcome to an alternative world, where all history is Scottish.

Norman Ferguson

2013

‘Ah wiz there’

Forrest McGump

‘And God looked upon

the world he had created.

And it wasnae bad.’

Bible

Afore-History

‘It’s cauld enough for snow.’

Ice Age

– ‘Ug ug raaar ug!’

– ‘Yer jist showing off now.’

‘Playing Pictionary in these caves is nae use, you can hardly see. Is that a deer? A cow? A dug?’

Lascaux, France

‘So this wheel thing, is it expensive?’

Biblical Times

‘We’ll get the tatties in there, then carrots and neeps over there.’

Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden

‘Old age doesnae come itself.’

Methuselah

‘Thought this was a square go? Whit’s with the catapult?’

Goliath

‘Pretty nice jacket, eh? Slater’s sale, half price.’

Joseph

‘Right lads, this ark will be built at this yard. So there will be no hooliganism, no vandalism and no bevvying.’

Noah

‘Forty days and nights of rain? So what, I’m from Fort William.’

Noah

‘Foo’s yer doo’s?’

Noah’s wife

‘Did I hear right, there’s free tablet going?’

Moses

‘Hame’ll dae us.’

Moses

‘Here, you’ll want to see this, it’s my new party piece.’

Moses, Red Sea

‘This place is hoaching with locusts.’

‘Just a trim thanks, leave a bit on the lugs.’

Samson

‘That noise would give your erse a sare heid.’

Jericho