Cigars had burned low, and
we were beginning to sample the disillusionment that usually
afflicts old school friends who have met again as men and found
themselves with less in common than they had believed they had.
Rutherford wrote novels; Wyland was one of the Embassy secretaries;
he had just given us dinner at Tempelhof—not very cheerfully, I
fancied, but with the equanimity which a diplomat must always keep
on tap for such occasions. It seemed likely that nothing but the
fact of being three celibate Englishmen in a foreign capital could
have brought us together, and I had already reached the conclusion
that the slight touch of priggishness which I remembered in Wyland
Tertius had not diminished with years and an M.V.O. Rutherford I
liked more; he had ripened well out of the skinny, precocious
infant whom I had once alternately bullied and patronized. The
probability that he was making much more money and having a more
interesting life than either of us gave Wyland and me our one
mutual emotion—a touch of envy.
The evening, however, was far
from dull. We had a good view of the big Lufthansa machines as they
arrived at the aerodrome from all parts of Central Europe, and
towards dusk, when arc flares were lighted, the scene took on a
rich, theatrical brilliance. One of the planes was English, and its
pilot, in full flying kit, strolled past our table and saluted
Wyland, who did not at first recognize him. When he did so there
were introductions all around, and the stranger was invited to join
us. He was a pleasant, jolly youth named Sanders. Wyland made some
apologetic remark about the difficulty of identifying people when
they were all dressed up in Sibleys and flying helmets; at which
Sanders laughed and answered: "Oh, rather, I know that well enough.
Don't forget I was at Baskul." Wyland laughed also, but less
spontaneously, and the conversation then took other
directions.
Sanders made an attractive
addition to our small company, and we all drank a great deal of
beer together. About ten o'clock Wyland left us for a moment to
speak to someone at a table nearby, and Rutherford, into the sudden
hiatus of talk, remarked: "Oh, by the way, you mentioned Baskul
just now. I know the place slightly. What was it you were referring
to that happened there?"
Sanders smiled rather shyly. "Oh,
just a bit of excitement we had once when I was in the Service."
But he was a youth who could not long refrain from being
confidential. "Fact is, an Afghan or an Afridi or somebody ran off
with one of our buses, and there was the very devil to pay
afterwards, as you can imagine. Most impudent thing I ever heard
of. The blighter waylaid the pilot, knocked him out, pinched his
kit, and climbed into the cockpit without a soul spotting him. Gave
the mechanics the proper signals, too, and was up and away in fine
style. The trouble was, he never came back."
Rutherford looked interested.
"When did this happen?"
"Oh—must have been about a year
ago. May, 'thirty-one. We were evacuating civilians from Baskul to
Peshawar owing to the revolution—perhaps you remember the business.
The place was in a bit of an upset, or I don't suppose the thing
could have happened. Still, it DID happen—and it goes some way to
show that clothes make the man, doesn't it?"
Rutherford was still interested.
"I should have thought you'd have had more than one fellow in
charge of a plane on an occasion like that?"
"We did, on all the ordinary
troop carriers, but this machine was a special one, built for some
maharajah originally—quite a stunt kind of outfit. The Indian
Survey people had been using it for high-altitude flights in
Kashmir."
"And you say it never reached
Peshawar?"
"Never reached there, and never
came down anywhere else, so far as we could discover. That was the
queer part about it. Of course, if the fellow was a tribesman he
might have made for the hills, thinking to hold the passengers for
ransom. I suppose they all got killed, somehow. There are heaps of
places on the frontier where you might crash and not be heard of
afterwards."
"Yes, I know the sort of country.
How many passengers were there?"
"Four, I think. Three men and
some woman missionary."
"Was one of the men, by any
chance, named Conway?"
Sanders looked surprised. "Why,
yes, as a matter of fact. 'Glory' Conway —did you know him?"
"He and I were at the same
school," said Rutherford a little self-consciously, for it was true
enough, yet a remark which he was aware did not suit him.
"He was a jolly fine chap, by all
accounts of what he did at Baskul," went on Sanders.
Rutherford nodded. "Yes,
undoubtedly... but how extraordinary... extraordinary..." He
appeared to collect himself after a spell of mind-wandering. Then
he said: "It was never in the papers, or I think I should have read
about it. How was that?"
Sanders looked suddenly rather
uncomfortable, and even, I imagined, was on the point of blushing.
"To tell you the truth," he replied, "I seem to have let out more
than I should have. Or perhaps it doesn't matter now—it must be
stale news in every mess, let alone in the bazaars. It was hushed
up, you see—I mean, about the way the thing happened. Wouldn't have
sounded well. The government people merely gave out that one of
their machines was missing, and mentioned the names. Sort of thing
that didn't attract an awful lot of attention among
outsiders."
At this point Wyland rejoined us,
and Sanders turned to him half-apologetically. "I say, Wyland,
these chaps have been talking about 'Glory' Conway. I'm afraid I
spilled the Baskul yarn—I hope you don't think it matters?"
Wyland was severely silent for a
moment. It was plain that he was reconciling the claims of
compatriot courtesy and official rectitude. "I can't help feeling,"
he said at length, "that it's a pity to make a mere anecdote of it.
I always thought you air fellows were put on your honor not to tell
tales out of school." Having thus snubbed the youth, he turned,
rather more graciously, to Rutherford. "Of course, it's all right
in your case, but I'm sure you realize that it's sometimes
necessary for events up on the frontier to be shrouded in a little
mystery."
"On the other hand," replied
Rutherford dryly, "one has a curious itch to know the truth."
"It was never concealed from
anyone who had any real reason for wanting to know it. I was at
Peshawar at the time, and I can assure you of that. Did you know
Conway well—since school days, I mean?"
"Just a little at Oxford, and a
few chance meetings since. Did YOU come across him much?"
"At Angora, when I was stationed
there, we met once or twice."
"Did you like him?"
"I thought he was clever, but
rather slack."
Rutherford smiled. "He was
certainly clever. He had a most exciting university career—until
war broke out. Rowing Blue and a leading light at the Union and
prizeman for this, that, and the other—also I reckon him the best
amateur pianist I ever heard. Amazingly many-sided fellow, the
kind, one feels, that Jowett would have tipped for a future
premier. Yet, in point of fact, one never heard much about him
after those Oxford days. Of course the war cut into his career. He
was very young and I gather he went through most of it."
"He was blown up or something,"
responded Wyland, "but nothing very serious. Didn't do at all
badly, got a D.S.O. in France. Then I believe he went back to
Oxford for a spell as a sort of don. I know he went east in
'twenty-one. His Oriental languages got him the job without any of
the usual preliminaries. He had several posts."
Rutherford smiled more broadly.
"Then of course, that accounts for everything. History will never
disclose the amount of sheer brilliance wasted in the routine
decoding F.O. chits and handing round tea at legation bun
fights."
"He was in the Consular Service,
not the Diplomatic," said Wyland loftily. It was evident that he
did not care for the chaff, and he made no protest when, after a
little more badinage of a similar kind, Rutherford rose to go. In
any case it was getting late, and I said I would go, too. Wyland's
attitude as we made our farewells was still one of official
propriety suffering in silence, but Sanders was very cordial and he
said he hoped to meet us again sometime.
I was catching a transcontinental
train at a very dismal hour of the early morning, and, as we waited
for a taxi, Rutherford asked me if I would care to spend the
interval at his hotel. He had a sitting room, he said, and we could
talk. I said it would suit me excellently, and he answered: "Good.
We can talk about Conway, if you like, unless you're completely
bored with his affairs."
I said that I wasn't at all,
though I had scarcely known him. "He left at the end of my first
term, and I never met him afterwards. But he was extraordinarily
kind to me on one occasion. I was a new boy and there was no
earthly reason why he should have done what he did. It was only a
trivial thing, but I've always remembered it."
Rutherford assented. "Yes, I
liked him a good deal too, though I also saw surprisingly little of
him, if you measure it in time."
And then there was a somewhat odd
silence, during which it was evident that we were both thinking of
someone who had mattered to us far more than might have been judged
from such casual contacts. I have often found since then that
others who met Conway, even quite formally and for a moment,
remembered him afterwards with great vividness. He was certainly
remarkable as a youth, and to me, who had known him at the
hero-worshipping age, his memory is still quite romantically
distinct. He was tall and extremely good-looking, and not only
excelled at games but walked off with every conceivable kind of
school prize. A rather sentimental headmaster once referred to his
exploits as "glorious," and from that arose his nickname. Perhaps
only he could have survived it. He gave a Speech Day oration in
Greek, I recollect, and was outstandingly first-rate in school
theatricals. There was something rather Elizabethan about him—his
casual versatility, his good looks, that effervescent combination
of mental with physical activities. Something a bit
Philip-Sidney-ish. Our civilization doesn't often breed people like
that nowadays. I made a remark of this kind to Rutherford, and he
replied: "Yes, that's true, and we have a special word of
disparagement for them—we call them dilettanti. I suppose some
people must have called Conway that, people like Wyland, for
instance. I don't much care for Wyland. I can't stand his type—all
that primness and mountainous self-importance. And the complete
head-prefectorial mind, did you notice it? Little phrases about
'putting people on their honor' and 'telling tales out of
school'—as though the bally Empire were the fifth form at St.
Dominic's! But, then, I always fall foul of these sahib
diplomats."
We drove a few blocks in silence,
and then he continued: "Still, I wouldn't have missed this evening.
It was a peculiar experience for me, hearing Sanders tell that
story about the affair at Baskul. You see, I'd heard it before, and
hadn't properly believed it. It was part of a much more fantastic
story, which I saw no reason to believe at all, or well, only one
very slight reason, anyway. NOW there are TWO very slight reasons.
I daresay you can guess that I'm not a particularly gullible
person. I've spent a good deal of my life traveling about, and I
know there are queer things in the world—if you see them yourself,
that is, but not so often if you hear of them secondhand. And
yet..."
He seemed suddenly to realize
that what he was saying could not mean very much to me, and broke
off with a laugh. "Well, there's one thing certain —I'm not likely
to take Wyland into my confidence. It would be like trying to sell
an epic poem to Tit-Bits. I'd rather try my luck with you."
"Perhaps you flatter me," I
suggested.
"Your book doesn't lead me to
think so."
I had not mentioned my authorship
of that rather technical work (after all, a neurologist's is not
everybody's "shop"), and I was agreeably surprised that Rutherford
had even heard of it. I said as much, and he answered: "Well, you
see, I was interested, because amnesia was Conway's trouble at one
time."
We had reached the hotel and he
had to get his key at the bureau. As we went up to the fifth floor
he said: "All this is mere beating about the bush. The fact is,
Conway isn't dead. At least he wasn't a few months ago."
This seemed beyond comment in the
narrow space and time of an elevator ascent. In the corridor a few
seconds later I responded: "Are you sure of that? How do you
know?"
And he answered, unlocking his
door: "Because I traveled with him from Shanghai to Honolulu in a
Jap liner last November." He did not speak again till we were
settled in armchairs and had fixed ourselves with drinks and
cigars. "You see, I was in China in the autumn on a holiday. I'm
always wandering about. I hadn't seen Conway for years. We never
corresponded, and I can't say he was often in my thoughts, though
his was one of the few faces that have always come to me quite
effortlessly if I tried to picture it. I had been visiting a friend
in Hankow and was returning by the Pekin express. On the train I
chanced to get into conversation with a very charming Mother
Superior of some French sisters of charity. She was traveling to
Chung-Kiang, where her convent was, and, because I knew a little
French, she seemed to enjoy chattering to me about her work and
affairs in general. As a matter of fact, I haven't much sympathy
with ordinary missionary enterprise, but I'm prepared to admit, as
many people are nowadays, that the Romans stand in a class by
themselves, since at least they work hard and don't pose as
commissioned officers in a world full of other ranks. Still, that's
by the by. The point is that this lady, talking to me about the
mission hospital at Chung-Kiang, mentioned a fever case that had
been brought in some weeks back, a man who they thought must be a
European, though he could give no account of himself and had no
papers. His clothes were native, and of the poorest kind, and when
taken in by the nuns he had been very ill indeed. He spoke fluent
Chinese, as well as pretty good French, and my train companion
assured me that before he realized the nationality of the nuns, he
had also addressed them in English with a refined accent. I said I
couldn't imagine such a phenomenon, and chaffed her gently about
being able to detect a refined accent in a language she didn't
know. We joked about these and other matters, and it ended by her
inviting me to visit the mission if ever I happened to be
thereabouts. This, of course, seemed then as unlikely as that I
should climb Everest, and when the train reached Chung-Kiang I
shook hands with genuine regret that our chance contact had come to
an end. As it happened, though, I was back in Chung-Kiang within a
few hours. The train broke down a mile or two further on, and with
much difficulty pushed us back to the station, where we learned
that a relief engine could not possibly arrive for twelve hours.
That's the sort of thing that often happens on Chinese railways. So
there was half a day to be lived through in Chung-Kiang—which made
me decide to take the good lady at her word and call at the
mission.
"I did so, and received a
cordial, though naturally a somewhat astonished, welcome. I suppose
one of the hardest things for a non-Catholic to realize is how
easily a Catholic can combine official rigidity with non-official
broad-mindedness. Is that too complicated? Anyhow, never mind,
those mission people made quite delightful company. Before I'd been
there an hour I found that a meal had been prepared, and a young
Chinese Christian doctor sat down with me to it and kept up a
conversation in a jolly mixture of French and English. Afterwards,
he and the Mother Superior took me to see the hospital, of which
they were very proud. I had told them I was a writer, and they were
simpleminded enough to be aflutter at the thought that I might put
them all into a book. We walked past the beds while the doctor
explained the cases. The place was spotlessly clean and looked to
be very competently run. I had forgotten all about the mysterious
patient with the refined English accent till the Mother Superior
reminded me that we were just coming to him. All I could see was
the back of the man's head; he was apparently asleep. It was
suggested that I should address him in English, so I said 'Good
afternoon,' which was the first and not very original thing I could
think of. The man looked up suddenly and said 'Good afternoon' in
answer. It was true; his accent was educated. But I hadn't time to
be surprised at that, for I had already recognized him, despite his
beard and altogether changed appearance and the fact that we hadn't
met for so long. He was Conway. I was certain he was, and yet, if
I'd paused to think about it, I might well have come to the
conclusion that he couldn't possibly be. Fortunately I acted on the
impulse of the moment. I called out his name and my own, and though
he looked at me without any definite sign of recognition, I was
positive I hadn't made any mistake. There was an odd little
twitching of the facial muscles that I had noticed in him before,
and he had the same eyes that at Balliol we used to say were so
much more of a Cambridge blue than an Oxford. But besides all that,
he was a man one simply didn't make mistakes about—to see him once
was to know him always. Of course the doctor and the Mother
Superior were greatly excited. I told them that I knew the man,
that he was English, and a friend of mine, and that if he didn't
recognize me, it could only be because he had completely lost his
memory. They agreed, in a rather amazed way, and we had a long
consultation about the case. They weren't able to make any
suggestions as to how Conway could possibly have arrived at
Chung-Kiang in his condition.
"To make the story brief, I
stayed there over a fortnight, hoping that somehow or other I might
induce him to remember things. I didn't succeed, but he regained
his physical health, and we talked a good deal. When I told him
quite frankly who I was and who he was, he was docile enough not to
argue about it. He was quite cheerful, even, in a vague sort of
way, and seemed glad enough to have my company. To my suggestion
that I should take him home, he simply said that he didn't mind. It
was a little unnerving, that apparent lack of any personal desire.
As soon as I could I arranged for our departure. I made a confidant
of an acquaintance in the consular office at Hankow, and thus the
necessary passport and so on were made out without the fuss there
might otherwise have been. Indeed, it seemed to me that for
Conway's sake the whole business had better be kept free from
publicity and newspaper headlines, and I'm glad to say I succeeded
in that. It could have been jam, of course, for the press.
"Well, we made our exit from
China in quite a normal way. We sailed down the Yangtze to Nanking,
and then took a train for Shanghai. There was a Jap liner leaving
for 'Frisco that same night, so we made a great rush and got on
board."
"You did a tremendous lot for
him," I said.
Rutherford did not deny it. "I
don't think I should have done quite as much for anyone else," he
answered. "But there was something about the fellow, and always had
been—it's hard to explain, but it made one enjoy doing what one
could."
"Yes," I agreed. "He had a
peculiar charm, a sort of winsomeness that's pleasant to remember
even now when I picture it, though, of course, I think of him still
as a schoolboy in cricket flannels."
"A pity you didn't know him at
Oxford. He was just brilliant—there's no other word. After the war
people said he was different. I, myself, think he was. But I can't
help feeling that with all his gifts he ought to have been doing
bigger work. All that Britannic Majesty stuff isn't my idea of a
great man's career. And Conway was—or should have been—GREAT. You
and I have both known him, and I don't think I'm exaggerating when
I say it's an experience we shan't ever forget. And even when he
and I met in the middle of China, with his mind a blank and his
past a mystery, there was still that queer core of attractiveness
in him."
Rutherford paused reminiscently
and then continued: "As you can imagine, we renewed our old
friendship on the ship. I told him as much as I knew about himself,
and he listened with an attention that might almost have seemed a
little absurd. He remembered everything quite clearly since his
arrival at Chung-Kiang, and another point that may interest you is
that he hadn't forgotten languages. He told me, for instance, that
he knew he must have had something to do with India, because he
could speak Hindostani.
"At Yokohama the ship filled up,
and among the new passengers was Sieveking, the pianist, en route
for a concert tour in the States. He was at our dining table and
sometimes talked with Conway in German. That will show you how
outwardly normal Conway was. Apart from his loss of memory, which
didn't show in ordinary intercourse, there couldn't have seemed
much wrong with him.
"A few nights after leaving
Japan, Sieveking was prevailed upon to give a piano recital on
board, and Conway and I went to hear him. He played well, of
course, some Brahms and Scarlatti, and a lot of Chopin. Once or
twice I glanced at Conway and judged that he was enjoying it all,
which appeared very natural, in view of his own musical past. At
the end of the program the show lengthened out into an informal
series of encores which Sieveking bestowed, very amiably, I
thought, upon a few enthusiasts grouped round the piano. Again he
played mostly Chopin; he rather specializes in it, you know. At
last he left the piano and moved towards the door, still followed
by admirers, but evidently feeling that he had done enough for
them. In the meantime a rather odd thing was beginning to happen.
Conway had sat down at the keyboard and was playing some rapid,
lively piece that I didn't recognize, but which drew Sieveking back
in great excitement to ask what it was. Conway, after a long and
rather strange silence, could only reply that he didn't know.
Sieveking exclaimed that it was incredible, and grew more excited
still. Conway then made what appeared to be a tremendous physical
and mental effort to remember, and said at last that the thing was
a Chopin study. I didn't think myself it could be, and I wasn't
surprised when Sieveking denied it absolutely. Conway, however,
grew suddenly quite indignant about the matter—which startled me,
because up to then he had shown so little emotion about anything.
'My dear fellow,' Sieveking remonstrated, 'I know everything of
Chopin's that exists, and I can assure you that he never wrote what
you have just played. He might well have done so, because it's
utterly his style, but he just didn't. I challenge you to show me
the score in any of the editions.' To which Conway replied at
length: 'Oh, yes, I remember now, it was never printed. I only know
it myself from meeting a man who used to be one of Chopin's
pupils... Here's another unpublished thing I learned from
him.'"
Rutherford studied me with his
eyes as he went on: "I don't know if you're a musician, but even if
you're not, I daresay you'll be able to imagine something of
Sieveking's excitement, and mine, too, as Conway continued to play.
To me, of course, it was a sudden and quite mystifying glimpse into
his past, the first clue of any kind that had escaped. Sieveking
was naturally engrossed in the musical problem, which was
perplexing enough, as you'll realize when I remind you that Chopin
died in 1849.
"The whole incident was so
unfathomable, in a sense, that perhaps I should add that there were
at least a dozen witnesses of it, including a California university
professor of some repute. Of course, it was easy to say that
Conway's explanation was chronologically impossible, or almost so;
but there was still the music itself to be explained. If it wasn't
what Conway said it was, then what WAS it? Sieveking assured me
that if those two pieces were published, they would be in every
virtuoso's repertoire within six months. Even if this is an
exaggeration, it shows Sieveking's opinion of them. After much
argument at the time, we weren't able to settle anything, for
Conway stuck to his story, and as he was beginning to look
fatigued, I was anxious to get him away from the crowd and off to
bed. The last episode was about making some phonograph records.
Sieveking said he would fix up all arrangements as soon as he
reached America, and Conway gave his promise to play before the
microphone. I often feel it was a great pity, from every point of
view, that he wasn't able to keep his word."
Rutherford glanced at his watch
and impressed on me that I should have plenty of time to catch my
train, since his story was practically finished. "Because that
night—the night after the recital—he got back his memory. We had
both gone to bed and I was lying awake, when he came into my cabin
and told me. His face had stiffened into what I can only describe
as an expression of overwhelming sadness—a sort of universal
sadness, if you know what I mean—something remote or impersonal, a
Wehmut or Weltschmerz, or whatever the Germans call it. He said he
could call to mind everything, that it had begun to come back to
him during Sieveking's playing, though only in patches at first. He
sat for a long while on the edge of my bed, and I let him take his
own time and make his own method of telling me. I said that I was
glad his memory had returned, but sorry if he already wished that
it hadn't. He looked up then and paid me what I shall always regard
as a marvelously high compliment. 'Thank God, Rutherford,' he said,
'you are capable of imagining things.' After a while I dressed and
persuaded him to do the same, and we walked up and down the boat
deck. It was a calm night, starry and very warm, and the sea had a
pale, sticky look, like condensed milk. Except for the vibration of
the engines, we might have been pacing an esplanade. I let Conway
go on in his own way, without questions at first. Somewhere about
dawn he began to talk consecutively, and it was breakfast-time and
hot sunshine when he had finished. When I say 'finished' I don't
mean that there was nothing more to tell me after that first
confession. He filled in a good many important gaps during the next
twenty-four hours. He was very unhappy, and couldn't have slept, so
we talked almost constantly. About the middle of the following
night the ship was due to reach Honolulu. We had drinks in my cabin
the evening before; he left me about ten o'clock, and I never saw
him again."
"You don't mean—" I had a picture
in mind of a very calm, deliberate suicide I once saw on the mail
boat from Holyhead to Kingstown.
Rutherford laughed. "Oh, Lord,
no—he wasn't that sort. He just gave me the slip. It was easy
enough to get ashore, but he must have found it hard to avoid being
traced when I set people searching for him, as of course I did.
Afterwards I learned that he'd managed to join the crew of a banana
boat going south to Fiji."
"How did you get to know
that?"
"Quite straightforwardly. He
wrote to me, three months later, from Bangkok, enclosing a draft to
pay the expenses I'd been put to on his account. He thanked me and
said he was very fit. He also said he was about to set out on a
long journey—to the northwest. That was all."
"Where did he mean?"
"Yes, it's pretty vague, isn't
it? A good many places lie to the northwest of Bangkok. Even Berlin
does, for that matter."
Rutherford paused and filled up
my glass and his own. It had been a queer story—or else he had made
it seem so; I hardly knew which. The music part of it, though
puzzling, did not interest me so much as the mystery of Conway's
arrival at that Chinese mission hospital; and I made this comment.
Rutherford answered that in point of fact they were both parts of
the same problem. "Well, how DID he get to Chung-Kiang?" I asked.
"I suppose he told you all about it that night on the ship?"
"He told me something about it,
and it would be absurd for me, after letting you know so much, to
be secretive about the rest. Only, to begin with, it's a longish
sort of tale, and there wouldn't be time even to outline it before
you'd have to be off for your train. And besides, as it happens,
there's a more convenient way. I'm a little diffident about
revealing the tricks of my dishonorable calling, but the truth is,
Conway's story, as I pondered over it afterwards, appealed to me
enormously. I had begun by making simple notes after our various
conversations on the ship, so that I shouldn't forget details;
later, as certain aspects of the thing began to grip me, I had the
urge to do more, to fashion the written and recollected fragments
into a single narrative. By that I don't mean that I invented or
altered anything. There was quite enough material in what he told
me: he was a fluent talker and had a natural gift for communicating
an atmosphere. Also, I suppose, I felt I was beginning to
understand the man himself." He went to an attaché case, and took
out a bundle of typed manuscript. "Well, here it is, anyhow, and
you can make what you like of it."
"By which I suppose you mean that
I'm not expected to believe it?"
"Oh, hardly so definite a warning
as that. But mind, if you DO believe, it will be for Tertullian's
famous reason—you remember? quia impossibile est. Not a bad
argument, maybe. Let me know what you think, at all events."
I took the manuscript away with
me and read most of it on the Ostend express. I intended returning
it with a long letter when I reached England, but there were
delays, and before I could post it I got a short note from
Rutherford to say that he was off on his wanderings again and would
have no settled address for some months. He was going to Kashmir,
he wrote, and thence "east." I was not surprised.