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- Herausgeber: Loving Healing Press
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Serie: New Horizons in Therapy
- Sprache: Englisch
Deep down inside, each of us knows what our truths are.
It is forgivable to lose them...
it is unforgivable not to reclaim them...
Mountain Air: Relapsing And Finding The Way Back One Breath At A Time is a brutally honest personal narrative detailing a painful descent into relapse and a powerful journey back to recovering.
Without condemnation but with passion and purpose, Mountain Air ...
Embraces individuals who have abandoned their authentic ways of being for a life of personal neglect, indulgence, or self-destruction. Speaks to individuals who have betrayed their healing tenets - the addict who has lost his sobriety, the abused who has returned to her abuser, or the codependent who continues to rescue the uncontrollable. Reaches out to individuals who have maintained a life of stability and wellness, but who are eroding over time - and losing their sense of self and of spirit.
Mountain Air is for any individual who has experienced relapse and who is fighting to find his way back... By inviting readers to take a journey with the author as she shares time-tested lessons in the recovering process. By providing thoughtful and accountable exercises with each chapter that guide the reader in the reclaiming and sustaining of their truths.
Praise for Kenley's Mountain Air
"...a personal memoir out of which she extracts principles that can be generalized to all who are in recovery, inspiring them to take courage. This poetic and nature-infused account should become a standard for all therapists and all in the process of recovery."
--David Van Nuys, Ph.D., Emeritus Professor of Psychology, Host of Shrink Rap Radio
"With Holli's inspiring personal journey from relapse to recovery and her challenging questions in each chapter, the reader can examine self-defeating behaviors and beliefs that block the natural ability to walk through change, pain, and difficult times."
--Melissa Yarbray, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist,Licensed Advanced Alcohol & Drug Counselor
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Seitenzahl: 143
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020
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Praise for Holli Kenley’s Mountain Air
“I love Mountain Air! I could relate to it so much. Mountain Air takes you on a rippling effect of a journey of healing, with the ups and downs of the healing process. You are on a continuous cycle of feeling better, then plagued with a reminder of the past that sets you back. There are periods of time where you regress back into unhealthy behaviors when you lose focus on how to love you for who you are and not for the damage that was done to you in the past/childhood. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I could relate to the message given in Mountain Air. I would recommend this book to anyone in recovery.”
—Marie Waldrep, author,A Voice That Has Spoken From Within
“I have read Mountain Air twice and have taken the opportunity for personal reflection. Your book has again reaffirmed for me how life teaches the lessons we need wherever we are. In my work as a therapist, I have been privileged to participate in my clients’ courageous journeys from pain to healing. At times, they have had to struggle with the frustrating challenges of relapse. With commitment, they have been able to process and incorporate the new lessons learned as they moved from emotional birth, through death, to rebirth. Holli Kenley expresses this flow in a very personal and powerful way. With guided reflections, she offers the readers the opportunity to embrace their pain and move toward healing. She also presents professionals with a tool to augment their clinical work.”
—Elizabeth Soeth, M.A., MFT
Holli Kenley’s Mountain Air is a refreshing look at the process of relapse and recovery. Who better to offer insight than someone who has lived the dark night of the soul and come out the other side. Holli’s self-disclosure makes this book so unique. I particularly liked the inclusion of Nature and the seasons as healing tools. As Holli writes, ‘Nature taught me long ago that resiliency is a finely blended outgrowth of devastation and courage’. Discussion questions at the end of each chapter make this into a workbook for recovery as well as a healing story. I will recommend it for my clients.”
—Carol Teitelbaum, MFT, Rancho Mirage, California Founder of www.CreativeChangeConferences.com and It Happens to Boys Project for men abused as children.
“Using the strength and power of nature’s lessons, Mountain Air provides a message of hope and the strategies to get there. For all who feel they have compromised their time, values, and integrity to the extent they have lost themselves and are now seeking a path back to their truth and authentic self, this is a must read. With Holli’s inspiring personal journey from relapse to recovery and her challenging questions in each chapter, the reader can examine self-defeating behaviors and beliefs that block the natural ability to walk through change, pain, and difficult times. A unique and comprehensive approach for both individuals and clinicians to use as a guide for relapse prevention and recovery.”
—Melissa Yarbray, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Advanced Alcohol & Drug Counselor
“Holli Kenley, psychotherapist and abuse-survivor herself, has created a work that is unique in the recovery literature. Her particular focus is on the inevitable relapses along the way to healing. Recovery is not a straight line ascent but rather a spiral in which the old issues, temptations, and fears come around again, challenging us to meet them at a higher level of functioning. Without going into the history of her abuse, her book is nevertheless a personal memoir out of which she extracts principles that can be generalized to all who are in recovery, inspiring them to take courage. This poetic and nature-infused account should become a standard for all therapists and all in the process of recovery.”
—David Van Nuys, Ph.D., Emeritus Professor of Psychology Host, Shrink Rap Radio
“Sustained wellness must be maintained. Holli Kenley takes us on a journey mirrored in the beautiful allegory of nature as she reclaims her true self. Come alongside her as she sheds layers of unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, and feelings… once again finding peace and the ability to breathe in life.”
—Julie Hauck, R.N.
“Mountain Air is a learning tool. It not only provides journaling prompts which allow the readers to become participants in their healing, but it does so in such a meaningful way. Holli Kenley’s ability to share the lessons that she learned from Nature and her own life are inspiring. It makes me want to take more time and ‘listen’ to the messages that are right in front of me—the ones Nature provides. As Holli masterfully crafts both story and emotion, she writes to help others who are struggling and to help loved ones by providing them with greater insight into the topic of relapse.”
—Diana Cinatl, M. A. Education, International Baccalaureate Coordinator Secondary Education
Mountain Air
Relapsing And Finding the Way Back… One Breath at a Time
Holli Kenley, M.A., MFT
Foreword by Jondra Pennington
Loving Healing Press
Mountain Air: Relapsing And Finding The Way Back… One Breath At A Time
Copyright © 2013 by Holli Kenley. All Rights Reserved.
Foreword by Jondra Pennington
Cover art and design by Michal Šplho
Author photos by Julianna Calin
Learn more at www.HolliKenley.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kenley, Holli, 1951-
Mountain air : relapsing and finding the way back… one breath at a time / Holli Kenley, M.A., MFT; introduction by Jondra Pennington.
pages cm -- (New horizons in therapy series)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-61599-188-4 (pbk. : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-61599-189-1 (hardcover : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-61599-190-7 (ebook)
1. Kenley, Holli, 1951- 2. Substance abuse. 3. Recovering addicts--United States. 4. Nature, Healing power of. 5. Mind and body. I. Title.
HV4998.K46 2013
362.29092--dc23
[B]
2012051770
Distributed by Ingram Book Group, Betram’s Books, New Leaf
Published by
Loving Healing Press
5145 Pontiac Trail
Ann Arbor, MI 48105
Phone: 888-761-6268
Fax: 734-663-6861
www.LHPress.com
For The Recovering
My truth is mine and mine alone, It centers me and comforts me. I share it freely and honestly, Helping others to honor their own.
Contents
Table of Exercises
Acknowledging our paths
Foreword by Jondra Pennington
Preface vii
The First Wind—Facing West
One—Mountain Fire
Two—Loving the Land
Three—Seasonal Messengers
Four—Living Trees
The Second Wind—Facing North
Five—Fissure in the Soil
Six—Bark Beetles
The Third Wind—Facing East
Seven—Peeling Away the Bark
Eight—Sheets of Rain
The Fourth Wind—Facing South
Nine—After the Mountain Fire
Ten—Mountain Air
Epilogue
About the Author
Bibliography
Table of Exercises
Chapter 1—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 2—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 3—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 4—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 5—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 6—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 7—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 8—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Chapter 9—Topics for Journaling & Recovery Work
Acknowledging our paths
Loving Healing Press, Inc.—
Publisher Victor Volkman, Editor Ernest Dempsey, and Staff
Our paths first crossed in the Winter of 2009,
Thank you for your unwavering belief in my work,
And for your commitment to empowering the healing community.
Lani Stoner—
Fellow Therapist and Trusting Friend
Our paths connected in the Fall of 2008,
Thank you for your extraordinary talents in editing, revising, and clarifying,
And for your continual investment into the wellness of others.
Diana Cinatl—
Longtime Teacher Colleague and Forever Friend
Our paths intersected in the Summer of 1988,
Thank you for your ability to fine-tune a piece of writing,
And for the immeasurable compassion you gift upon others.
Dan Kenley and Alexis Shoemate—
Loving Husband and Precious Daughter:
Our paths have joined and intertwined over a lifetime,
Thank you for loving me through the journeys,
And for the joy of loving you in return.
Foreword
As a psychotherapist, reading books about the human condition is part of the job. We read for a myriad of reasons: to learn how to help the people who come to our offices looking for a way out of their pain; to be enlightened by encountering different ways to think about the world; to be moved and inspired by someone’s struggle; as well as their defeat or victory in that struggle. Most of the time, we read with the client in mind; but every so often, we read an account of someone’s pain and it resonates deep inside us. Such was the case for me when I picked up Mountain Air.
Unaware that this experience of my dear friend and colleague was touching something I hadn’t looked at before, I found that I could only read it in small doses, unable to tolerate any more than that before a puzzling visceral gut feeling became nearly intolerable. Then one day, in a moment of stillness, it came to the surface that I had pushed down, shoved away, buried an entire six-month period of time in my life where, like Holli, I made a move that I thought would be the very best thing I could do, but resulted in losing my footing and going into a free-fall of confusion and panic as I felt myself slipping away. Instead of feeling confident and sure of myself and my decisions, my days were filled with anxiety, depression, sleepless nights, fear, loneliness, and questions… lots of questions: “why was this happening?” “how could I have been so wrong?” “is there an end to this pain?” and, if so, “how will I survive until I get there?”.
Jumping ahead, it took time, but I did find my way back, and I promptly took the events of the previous six months and pushed them way into the background, covered them up with a big black tarp, and never looked back…. until now.
To a therapist, burying painful events is a big no-no. We encourage and guide people as they pull back the covering on pain and accompany them through the mess it leaves in its wake. I never thought I would need to do that for myself. Arrogance? No. Denial? Most certainly.
Once I realized that there was unfinished emotional business to take care of, I used the relapse and recovery that is shared in Mountain Air, as my guide and companion. This wasn’t hard to do, given the tender and validating style in which it is written. I began by giving myself permission to go as slow as I needed to go so I could drink in every element of the story and how it relates to my experience. The questions at the end of the chapters facilitated going deeper into what happened to me emotionally during those six months. They also helped me see in a very personal way that the recovery process really isn’t linear. The process ebbs and flows, but with each ebb, there are lessons to hold onto as life inevitably flows forward again.
With Mountain Air, Holli has made a major contribution to the world of recovery in all its forms. No doubt this book will find its way into the offices of many psychotherapists, into treatment centers, and onto the recommended reading lists of those in the recovery field. Her contribution to the profession is without question. But, Holli has gone a step further into a place only a handful of therapists go: sharing a deeply personal and painful life experience in such brutal detail. Her willingness to do so shows you, the reader, that you are not alone; there is nothing shameful about relapsing, that recovery is most definitely possible, and that on the other side of that relapse is strength and peace.
I pray that you are as blessed as I was as you use Mountain Air as part of your own journey back to wholeness.
—Jondra Pennington, M.S., LMFT
Preface
Don’t stay long in the shame-filled grounds of relapse, Fertile soil awaits your return and your recovering.
I believe that life is about recovering and about rejoicing. Many of us who have experienced pain in its many forms and faces have also had the opportunity to embrace recovering from it. It is an on-going journey—one that requires a steadfast spirit and an uncompromising commitment. It is a path that brings us our greatest feelings of peace and of purpose; it is a road to living life to its fullest and at its truest. At the same time, no degree of recovering or of healing knowledge can guarantee a relapse-free life. Relapse is a very real part of recovering; and thus, it is worthy of our attention.
This book is for anyone who has experienced the hard work of recovering and who has rejoiced in its rewards. It is for anyone who has encountered relapse along the way; however, this book addresses relapse in the broad sense of the word. It is for any individual who has returned to or regressed into a pattern of behavior that is unhealthy or unsafe. It is for those individuals who have abandoned their authentic ways of being for a life of personal neglect, of indulgence, or of self-destruction. The book speaks to the addict who has lost his sobriety, to the abused who has returned to her abuser, or to the codependent who has given up his resources once again to rescue the uncontrollable. This book also reaches out to individuals who have maintained a life of stability and wellness, but who have found themselves eroding over time, disappearing, and losing their sense of self and of spirit. It is for the person who has fallen away from a life that is not congruent with the truths that he/she has chosen to invest into, trust in, or believe in. It is for anyone who has forfeited his way of being and who is fighting to find his way back.
Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding The Way Back One Breath At A Time is a brutally honest personal narrative covering a three-year period of time, from the summer of 2008 through the summer of 2011. At the beginning of each chapter, I write in the present tense, describing my current circumstances and my decent into relapse. After each chapter’s introductory section where I disclose the painful decline of my healthy way of being, I take the reader back in time to a sustained season of wellness in my life’s healing journey. In each flashback (which is separated in the text with italics), I share with the reader a series of relapse lessons and the recovering messages within each. It is in the recalling of these messages that I am able to reclaim their meanings, reintegrate them into my life, and return to healthier ground. Although there are typically several lessons within each chapter, the following theme words describe the essence of each in relation to relapse: Chapter One—Losing one’s self; Chapter Two—Lessons lost; Chapter Three—Relapse is relentless; Chapter Four—Shame; Chapter Five—The restraints of relapse; Chapter Six—Seeds of doubt and disappointment; Chapter Seven—A fearless inventory; Chapter Eight—Releasing; Chapter Nine—Reclaiming one’s self and one’s truth; Chapter Ten—Home; Epilogue—Rewards.
As I share my relapse journey with you, I invite the reader to take an active part in your healing work as well. At the end of each chapter, there is a series of topics for reflective journaling and recovering exercises embedded within them. Choose a time and place that is safe and free of distractions. Although topics may be difficult to think back upon or about, set a comfortable pace for yourself as you write honestly and openly about your experiences. Acknowledging and expressing your painful injuries, injustices, or inadequacies is the first step in breaking through a period of relapse or an episode of regression into unhealthy life patterns. Secondly, learning how to make healthy choices and then acting upon them will help you to maintain and sustain a well way of being.
Let’s begin our recovering—together.
Holli Kenley Spring 2013
The First Wind—Facing West
“To you, the west, where dreams take wing and day comes to a rest, hear me, and keep this image from me.”
— Kent Nerburn
One—Mountain Fire
Summer 2008
In July 2008, I chose to return to the environment of my youth. No one encouraged me or coerced me. I did so of my own free will. I felt like a foreigner feigning blending in and yet fighting to insulate myself from the toxins around me. Coming from a mountain habitat, the surrounding landscape shocked my system and strangled my senses. The air was grayish-brown with a hint of blue struggling to break through the giant igloo encapsulating the valley. The smells from the sprawling agricultural fields triggered reminders of planes scattering pesticides and my sinuses burned as I breathed in microscopic pollutants. Just beyond the walls of the manicured development where we purchased our new home were clusters of over-crowded animal farms. The feeding corrals and the piles of manure blended into one mass of fermented fumes. Each time I drove by the nauseous odor, I felt sickened by the inhumanity of it all and questioned its existence.
