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- Herausgeber: Gill Books
- Kategorie: Lebensstil
- Sprache: Englisch
A city of half a million, in 140 characters or less Overheard in Dublin is back with another riot of wit, wisdom and suspect logic, this time with the vast majority of the contributions drawn from the site's wildly popular Twitter account. Fans young and old will love this hilarious new collection. Get ready to laugh once again - you'll be LOLing in the aisles! - Overheard at the McDonald's drive-thru on Naas Road. The cashier shouts to his manager: 'Are we allowed to serve customers on horses?' - A guard is searching a young lad at Oxegen. Guard: 'Do ya have anything on ya that ya shouldn't?' Lad: 'Yes, me da's socks!' - On a Ryanair flight to Stansted. Girl: 'Excuse me, flight attendant, can I have a Diet Coke with no ice!?' Flight attendant: 'Want a little umbrella in there too, princess?'Join the conversation on Twitter @OverheardinDublin.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014
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Gill & Macmillan
Contents
Cover
Title Page
City Tales
Consumer Affairs
Culture Clash
From Boom to Bust and Back Again?
Hallmark Holidays
In the Words of a Dub
It’s All Academic
Only in Dublin
P.G. Parental Guidance
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Random Ramblings
The Social Life
The Sublimely Silly
The Wisdom of Young and Old
Word on the Street
Copyright
About Gill & Macmillan
City Tales
A shark’s tale
Crossing over the Ha’penny Bridge, a mother says to a crying kid, ‘If you don’t bleedin’ shut up, I’ll throw you to the sharks!’
Overheard by Martin
It’s all about me
At the Beshoff chipper in Dublin 4. A girl orders two singles. The guy behind the counter asks, ‘Do you want them wrapped separate or together?’ The girl replies, ‘Eh, would you wrap one of them separate please?’
Overheard by Orla
True
Debate about TV shows on the Luas.
Girl: ‘Fair City is more realistic than Love/Hate.’
Lad: ‘No it’s not! You won’t hear “gee bag” being said on Fair City!’
Overheard by Anonymous
The dark side
Overheard in Kielys of Donnybrook: ‘What do you mean Brian O’Driscoll’s a northsider?!’
Overheard by John
Second time around
A D4 girl in a Barnardos charity shop in Dún Laoghaire: ‘Erm, I dunno, it’s kinda nice but it’s, like, almost like it’s been worn.’
Overheard by Anonymous
On yer bike!
Overheard at the Rothar Project: ‘I wouldn’t roide you if you had pedals!’
Overheard by Caitríona
Aber-bum-bie
‘I go into Abercrombie & Fitch just to fart.’
Overheard by Anonymous
‘Like a Virgin’
‘It’s been that long since I’ve done anything it’s probably closed up!’
Overheard by Jackie @Jackiem23
Text talk
A girl at Oxegen festival: ‘O to the M to the G, I think I lost my iPhone!’
Overheard by Anonymous
Bum note
‘She’s so far up herself, she could give herself an enema!’
Overheard by Geraldine @GeraldineOC1
D4 resolutions
In Starbucks Blackrock: ‘… so my New Year’s resolution is to switch from an Espresso Frappuccino to a Mocha Frappuccino.’
Overheard by Lorcan
Prickly piles
Two lads are having an argument on O’Connell Street. One of them then gets on a bus and he shouts out the window, ‘I hope your next shite is a hedgehog!’
Overheard by Anonymous
The world on your shoulders
Two D4 girls hauling a twenty-four-pack of Bulmers Light to the checkout in SuperValu Blackrock: ‘This is really, like, so labour-extensive!’
Overheard by Andy
Worst ride of his life
Two lads on a bicycle: the one on the back stretches his legs out and screams, ‘Ah you’re wrecking me f**king giblets!’
Overheard by Stephen @KillerSteveW
Super sense
Overheard on the southbound Dart: ‘I got €100 worth of Superdry vouchers for my birthday. That should get me at least two T-shirts.’
Overheard by Yvonne
Caught between a kebab and a hard place
Three a.m. in Temple Bar. A woman says to her friend, ‘Come on! We’re going for a kebab!’ The friend, crouched behind a car, shouts, ‘Wait, I’m just pulling my knickers up!’
Overheard by Maeve
Tainted toes
Two girls in Juniors Deli: ‘Oh your toes look great! Did you get a pedicure?
‘No, I got a manicure, but for my feet, like.’
Overheard by Darragh
Fast food
At 4 a.m., a mess of a girl gets kicked out of Burger King with no pants. My mate shouts, ‘Teresa, you forgot your fecking trousers!’
Overheard by John @jq_iladelph
Tap water
A woman in Starbucks on Mespil Road: ‘Can I have a “no-ice grande ice water”?’ (i.e. tap water!)
Overheard by John
Let them eat cake
Three of south Dublin’s finest on Suffolk Street: ‘Superdry, the Abercrombie for culchies.’
Overheard by Tara @tdegras
Role model
A child is screaming in town. His mother turns to him and says, ‘Stop that or people will think you have turrets. Now SHUT UP!’
Overheard by Gavin @gavinrhughes
Willy Wonka
A ‘lady’ on the no. 65 bus says to her friends, ‘All I want for Valentine’s Day is a fella with a chocolate willy that pisses money.’ (What a wonderful image.)
Overheard by Timmy
Hot stuff
A stunning lady jogs past two workmen in the city centre. One of the men shouts, ‘Take it easy luv, ye’ll boil yer waters!’ She shouts back, ‘Ye needn’t worry, ye’ll never scald yer mickey in them!’
Overheard by Anonymous
Cocktail class
At Electric Picnic.
A D4 girl at the bar: ‘Two Piña Coladas and one Margarita.’
Bar staff: ‘Where do you think you are, Castlepalooza?’
Overheard by Conor
Gorilla warfare
At Dublin Zoo. A woman walking towards the gorilla exhibit, pushing a pram and with a fag in her mouth, says to her friend, ‘Where’s this King Kong motherf**ker at?’
Overheard by Anonymous
Careful Mickey!
A father and his daughter discussing a trip to Disneyland: ‘I can’t wait Da, I’m gonna keep grabbing Mickey!’ Dad replies, ‘Just like your Ma, so.’
Overheard by Barry @getthemoffye
What a lovely image
Frascati Shopping Centre, Blackrock.
‘What are you wearing tonight?’
‘Black leather leggings and stuffing my ass cheeks.’
Overheard by Avril @AppleTartFace
Feminists
Girl 1: ‘Did ya see Miley Cyrus on the MTV awards last night?’
Girl 2: ‘Yeah, it’s called being a slut.’
Overheard by Anonymous
Return to sender
A D4 girl in Blackrock: ‘What happens to the cannabis that the Gardaí seize? Like, is it brought back to the supplier?’
Overheard by Fran
Yoghurt addict
I was waiting for a friend on O’Connell Street on Arthur’s Day and I was approached by a woman absolutely out of her face.
Woman: ‘Here love, ye haven got a smoke have ye?’
I gave her one in the hope that she would go away but she approached me again.
Woman: ‘Ye wanna buy any heroin’ cause of de night dats in it ‘n’ all?’
Me: ‘Ehh … I’ll pass, thanks!’
Woman: ‘Je want a few “e”s instead then?’
Me: ‘No, I’m grand, thanks!’
Realising she was getting nowhere, she then asked: ‘Well dya want a f**king yoghurt then? … de’re strawberry – de’re masso … ye can just use yer fingers ’cause I’m using the spoon … yer not getting it for free though.’
Overheard by Anonymous
Psychoanalysis
Overheard on the Dart: ‘I like to judge people based on what stop they get off at,’ says a girl getting off at Sandymount.
Overheard by Karen
Family planning?
In the Coombe Hospital. A patient advises the nurse, ‘Only ever have two kids; it ruins the sex. Sex for my fella now is like throwing a sausage up O’Connell Street!’
Overheard by Trevor
First aid
Overheard at an A&E ward at St James’s Hospital:
Nurse: ‘What happened to you then?’
Patient: ‘I was coming out of the pub and someone jumped on me and kicked me in the head. No one gets away with that … I have people working on it, I’ll find out who it was and when I leave here, there will be a dead body comin’ in. No one kicks me in the head and gets away with it. I’m gonna sort yer man out … but can I ask a question?’
Nurse: ‘Go ahead.’
Patient: ‘How come every time I come in here, yous put a security guard at the end of me bed?’
Overheard by Anonymous
Made in Blackrock
A girl in Blackrock Shopping Centre: ‘They say money doesn’t buy you happiness but I’d rather cry wearing Abercrombie & Fitch and sitting in a Lexus.’
Overheard by Eoghan
When the dog has better manners than the owner
Overheard at a block of flats on North Strand: a landlord arguing with a tenant; the tenant is holding her Yorkshire terrier. The exchange went as follows:
Landlord: ‘Your dog peed in my lift!’
Girl: ‘He didn’t!’
Landlord: ‘He did!’
Girl: ‘He didn’t, it was me … now feck off!’
Overheard by Richy
Eco-friendly
In Spar in Clondalkin. Two girls are talking about how expensive bin charges are: ‘Sure my Ma just flushes most of the rubbish down the toilet, except the bulky stuff.’
Overheard by Zoe
Touchy subject
A Moore Street vegetable stallholder says to a lady, ‘Would ya stop touching the carrots! They’re not your man’s willy, they won’t get any bigger!’
Overheard by Anonymous
Freebie
On Amiens Street. A group of girls spot a lad eating an ice-cream with about four large scoops: ‘Here, youngfella, give us a lick of your balls!’
Overheard by Steo
Smooth operator
Outside a beauty salon on Parnell Street: a beautician is on a smoke break, when a taxi driver yells over to her, ‘Here luv, will ya wax me hairy hole!’
Overheard by Anonymous
Mind the gap
A girl on the Dart says to her friend, ‘I don’t understand why they have doors on both sides.’
Overheard by Anto
Girls’ night out
Outside the Gresham Hotel a woman shouts to her friends, ‘Goodbye! I’ll see ya later when I’m off me tits!’ One of the friends replies, ‘Good on ya woman!’
Overheard by Robert
Beemer girl
I was at a petrol station in Dalkey, and there was a young girl, aged about 19 or 20, filling up a brand new BMW X5. She finishes up and goes inside and as she is picking up her bottle of Evian, a guy comes up to her and says, ‘Is that your BMW X5 out there? It’s blocking my way.’ She doesn’t even look at him and casually replies, ‘Uhmm, I don’t think so, I drive a Beemer.’
Overheard by Killian
Tissues and issues
Overheard from a toilet cubicle in McDonald’s: ‘Jaysus, it’s like pulling tissue paper out of a cat’s arse!’
Overheard by Anonymous
If you gotta go, you gotta go
On the Luas to Tallaght. It has been stopped at the Four Courts for about ten minutes.
Overheard the following exchange:
Man: ‘Jaysus, I’m dying to go for a p*ss!’
Woman: ‘Go outside and do it on the back of the tram.’
The man goes outside. About 20 seconds later.
Woman: ‘Jaysus, hurry up, the doors are closing!’
The man jumps on while zipping up.
Woman: ‘Dah was close!’
Man: ‘I know, but it’s still trickling down me leg.’
At that moment I remembered why I love this city.
Overheard by Anonymous
Saxon blood
While at a meeting in a Dublin rugby club, one guy turned to the other guy and said, ‘Gosh, Collie, you must have Protestant blood in you, you have a hell of a tan at the moment.’
Overheard by Thomas
Dripping the light fandango
Overheard in the ladies bathroom in Buskers Bar:
‘Hurry up Jacinta!’
‘Will ya wait for f**k’s sake, me fandango is still wet!’
Overheard by Aoife
Maid in McDonald’s
A D4 guy asks his girlfriend in a crowded McDonald’s, ‘OMG babes, squeeze this spot for me? It’s totes painful.’
Overheard by Ellie @xLadySmythx
Hovering
In The Wright Venue, Swords. A girl hovers over the toilet. Her friend asks, ‘Why are ya hoverin’?’ The girl replies, ‘I can’t sit on that, there’ll be STIs bleedin’ crawlin’ down me legs!’
Overheard by Ella
Totes embarrassing
In Kielys of Donnybrook.
Barman: ‘What do you want?’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly wannabe: ‘Can you give me a pint of Heino and a G’n’T for the dolly?’
Overheard by Cian
Great investment
Overheard today: ‘Yeah, borrowed seven quid off me Ma for the cinema, spent it on six cans of Dutch and got f**ked!’ (The future is in good hands!)
Overheard by Sean @Seancarey2013
Future mum of the year
Pregnant woman (with can!): ‘Ah Jaysus, it’s gonna be fifteen more weeks. Like watchin’ a kettle boil.’
Overheard by Ronan @ronanfla83
Tea vs ride
A tired female party-goer on the Nitelink: ‘Ah the best thing in life is a cup of tea.’ A lad nearby goes, ‘You’ve obviously never had the ride, have ye?’
Overheard by Ryan
Righteous rugby
A D4 guy in Starbucks Blackrock discussing the previous night’s movie on RTÉ: ‘The worst thing about What Richard Did was that he let the St Mary’s senior cup team down!’
Overheard by Aindriú @AndrewRCrowley
Allergies
A friend and I were waiting for a bus back to Ashbourne, when a young lad approached my friend with a plastic Centra bag full of obviously stolen Lynx deodorant cans.
Lad: ‘Ya wanna buy some Lynx?’
My friend (a little nervous): ‘No thanks, I’m allergic to the spray.’
Lad (quick as a flash): ‘Yeah … are ya allergic to knuckles?’
Overheard by Anonymous
Stylist
A woman on Abbey Street shouting to another woman wearing very short shorts: ‘Sorry, love, your arse cheeks are hanging out!’
Overheard by Stuart @StuWilson1702
Helpful
On the Nitelink. Some fella is puking outside. His girlfriend, who is on the bus, says, ‘Come on, you can get sick on the bus!’
Overheard by Tony @rocknchef
Calorific
In Kielys of Donnybrook. A young rugger hugger looking for Bulmers Light pushes her way to the front of the maul and says, ‘Borrman, two Diet Bulmers, please!’
Overheard by Nathan
Consumer Affairs
Four-seat toaster
In Power City.
Sales assistant: ‘What make of toaster are you looking for, luv?’
Woman: ‘I don’t care as long as it’s a four-seater; I’m fed up with queuing every morning!’
Overheard by Trish @Trish_Nugent
About as cultured as a yoghurt!
Sales assistant at Abercrombie & Fitch: ‘We don’t just sell clothes, we sell culture.’
Overheard by Shannon
Fat cat
Two ladies chatting in SuperValu:
Lady 1: ‘Did you know Mars make Whiskas?’
Lady 2: ‘Really? I guess that explains why my cat is so fat!’
Overheard by Owen
The curtain whisperer
Two men are looking at curtains in IKEA. One of them says, ‘I can’t decide, those curtains just don’t really speak to me.’
Overheard by Terry
A decent pint
At Dundrum Town Centre, a girl is trying on a tube top dress with a cream band around the top. Her boyfriend says, ‘A Jesus love, you look like a pint of Guinness in that!’
Overheard by Aidan
The walking barcode
In Dunnes Stores, a man who forgot his clubcard says to the cashier, ‘Do you know what, luv, I’m thinking of getting the barcode tattooed on my hand!’
Overheard by Gerry
This is no ordinary supermarket
In Marks & Spencer, Dundrum. A member of staff shouts to a colleague for help. His colleague replies, ‘Stop shouting, this isn’t Lidl!’
Overheard by Mary
The other half
In NEXT menswear, a man trying on a shoe asks the assistant, ‘Do ye have the correspondence to that?’
Overheard by David @davidmcginn_ie
Duh!
In the Nike Factory Store in Blanchardstown.
Girl: ‘It’s all Nike!’
Overheard by @BarryEoin
