Reset E-Book

David Murray

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Seitenzahl: 275

Beschreibung

"How did I get here?" These are the words of many Christian men on the brink of burnout or in the midst of breakdown. They are exhausted, depressed, anxious, stressed, and joyless. Their time is spent doing many good things, but their pace is unsustainable—lacking the rest, readjustment, and recalibration everyone needs on a regular basis.  But there is good news: God has graciously provided a way for men to Reset their lives at a more sustainable pace. Drawing on his own experiences—and time spent with other men who have also experienced burnout—pastor David Murray offers weary men hope for the future, helping them identify the warning signs of burnout and offering practical strategies for developing patterns that help them live a grace-paced life and reach the finish line with their joy intact.

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“The simple truth is this: I needed this book right now! There are truths in this volume—pastoral insights and healing counsels—that speak to me in very personal and tender ways. Occasionally, Murray’s point is so clear—far too clear—that it feels as though I have gotten a slap in the face. But always—always—the point has been to drive me to Christ and to drive me to the embrace of the gospel. This is medicine for the soul in the best possible sense, and I am grateful to the author for writing it. It really does feel as though he wrote it for me.”

Derek W. H. Thomas, Senior Minister, First Presbyterian Church, Columbia, South Carolina; Robert Strong Professor of Systematic and Pastoral Theology, Reformed Theological Seminary–Atlanta

“This is so timely. After you read it, you will sleep better, for starters. Then you will be taken to the meeting place of essential theology and the details of all things related to our stressed lives, where David offers wisdom on every page. The book is perfect for men’s groups.”

Ed Welch, counselor; faculty member, the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation

“For far too long, whether consciously or subconsciously, we Christians have bought into the platonic lie that the spirit matters, but the body does not. As a result, we have neglected, and perhaps even abused, our bodies. It’s no wonder we struggle with food, sleep, and health—both physical and mental. In Reset, David Murray returns us to a biblical anthropology, providing us with a biblical and theological framework by which we may reorder our lives as whole persons—body and spirit—for God’s glory, our well-being, and the service of others.”

Juan R. Sanchez, Senior Pastor, High Pointe Baptist Church, Austin, Texas; author, 1 Peter for You and Gracia Sobre Gracia

“From a vast reservoir of personal experience, authenticating social research, and timeless theological wisdom, David Murray shines illuminating light on the dark perils of pastoral burnout. He also offers practical guidance for how the easy yoke of apprenticeship with Jesus makes possible the grace-paced life that leads to personal and vocational wholeness. I highly recommend this needed approach.”

Tom Nelson, author, Work Matters; Senior Pastor, Christ Community Church, Overland Park, Kansas; President, Made to Flourish

“Men, this wise book is like a personal coach for your daily life. The one who writes it understands what it is to be a man with a man’s cares and a man’s dreams. He cares deeply about the masculine body and soul that God has given you. You were made with large purpose. David Murray wants to help you learn how to practically take stock of your life, recover your purpose, and live it!”

Zack Eswine, Lead Pastor, Riverside Church, Webster Groves, Missouri; author, The Imperfect Pastor

“Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture, like its author, David Murray, is full of surprises. While statistics and sociologists jostle for space alongside Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and a kilted haggis, everything is set within a robust biblical anthropology and a well-grounded pastoral psychology. The whole is laced with a fine touch of self-deprecating Scottish humor. Dr. Murray is Jeremiah-like in the rigor and love with which he seeks ‘to pluck up and break down . . . to build and to plant.’ But he is also Jesus-like in the way he employs the deconstructing and reconstructing grace of the gospel. Here is a book full of practical, spiritual wisdom and a must read.”

Sinclair B. Ferguson, Professor of Systematic Theology, Redeemer Seminary, Dallas, Texas

“You hold in your hand what is quite possibly the most culturally relevant book for pastors I have ever read. Contained in this book is the answer to the epidemic among both pastors and hardworking Christian men who are physically, emotionally, and spiritually collapsing because of the lightning-fast pace our modern culture demands. Murray lays out a thoroughly biblical, immensely practical plan for any Christian man looking to take back his life from the enslavement of his schedule. Murray’s beautiful personal testimony of his own need to reset is worth the book alone. This book will be required reading for every pastor I know.”

Brian Croft, Senior Pastor, Auburndale Baptist Church, Louisville, Kentucky; Founder, Practical Shepherding; Senior Fellow, Church Revitalization Center, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“In Reset, David Murray pries our fingers from the death grip we have on the idol of activity. Since I am a confessed workaholic, this book was right on time for me. I quickly implemented the strategies outlined in this book and experienced immediate results in terms of relief, rest, and peace. Relentlessly honest, refreshingly concise, and eminently practical, this book may literally save your marriage, your ministry, and your health. I see myself revisiting Reset every time I need to be reminded of the grace of both work and rest.”

Jemar Tisby, Cofounder and President, Reformed African American Network; Cohost, Pass the Mic

Reset

Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture

David Murray

Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture

Copyright © 2017 by David Philip Murray

Published by Crossway1300 Crescent StreetWheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Published in association with the literary agency of Legacy, LLC, 501 N. Orlando Avenue, Suite #313–348, Winter Park, FL 32789.

First printing 2017

Printed in the United States of America

Some of the material in this book has appeared in different form on various blogs, including www.headhearthand.org and www.christwardcollective.org. Used with permission.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The New King James Version. Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.

Scripture references marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-5518-3ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-5521-3PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-5519-0Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-5520-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Murray, David P., author.

Title: Reset : living a grace-paced life in a burnout culture / David Murray.

Description: Wheaton : Crossway, 2017. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016016684 (print) | LCCN 2016037420 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433555183 (tp) | ISBN 9781433555190 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433555206 (mobi) | ISBN 9781433555213 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Christian men—Religious life. | Burn out (Psychology)—Religious aspects—Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4528.2 .M865 2017 (print) | LCC BV4528.2 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/42—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016016684

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2022-03-03 11:56:05 AM

To the pastors, elders, and deacons of Grand Rapids Free Reformed Church.

You have taught me, by word and example, what it means to be a man of God.

Contents

Introduction

Repair Bay 1: Reality Check

Repair Bay 2: Review

Repair Bay 3: Rest

Repair Bay 4: Re-Create

Repair Bay 5: Relax

Repair Bay 6: Rethink

Repair Bay 7: Reduce

Repair Bay 8: Refuel

Repair Bay 9: Relate

Repair Bay 10: Resurrection

Acknowledgments

General Index

Scripture Index

Introduction

It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I’d just come through a successful winter cross-country season in high school, and spring track was getting under way. Our track coach started us off with a series of 800-meter races to split the middle- and long-distance runners into first and second teams. I didn’t train beforehand because I was used to far longer races in far worse conditions.

I knew I had to run a bit faster over the shorter distance, so I took off at the sound of the gun. By the time I was halfway round the first lap, I was a good fifty meters ahead of everyone else. “This is too easy,” I thought. I didn’t have my usual cross-country signposts to help me gauge my speed, but over such a short race in such beautiful spring weather, what could possibly go wrong?

By the end of the first lap, my lungs were beginning to burst and my fifty-meter lead had become twenty-five. Soon I was overtaken by one runner after another, until one of the poorest runners in my class padded past me with a snicker. At the 600-meter mark, I decided to get “injured” and collapsed in a heap at the side of the track.

I learned the hard way that pacing a race is one of the most important skills for track athletes to learn. Go too slow and we fail by never winning or fulfilling our potential. Go too fast and we fail by injuring ourselves or running out of energy before the finish line. Finding that perfect pace, that sweet spot between too slow and too fast, is vital for success and longevity as an athlete—and as a Christian.

Speed Up and Slow Down

In recent years, a number of Christian leaders have rightly called lethargic and half-hearted Christians to quicken their pace, to dedicate more of their time, talents, money, and efforts to serving the Lord in the local church and in evangelistic outreach at home and abroad. I welcome this “radical,” “don’t waste your life” message to up the pace, and I rejoice in its positive impact on thousands of Christians, especially among the younger generations.

There are others, however, many of them faithful and zealous Christians, especially those aged thirty-five-plus, who need to hear a different message: “Slow your pace or you’ll never finish the race.” As Brady Boyd warned in Addicted to Busy,“Ultimately, every problem I see in every person I know is a problem of moving too fast for too long in too many aspects of life.”1 I’m not proposing that we put our feet up and opt out of life and Christian service. No, I’m talking about carefully adjusting to life changes as we age, as responsibilities mount, as families grow, as problems multiply, as energy levels diminish, and as health complications arise. That’s what successful pace runners do. They are sensitive to significant changes in themselves and in race conditions, and they recalibrate their pace to avoid injury or exhaustion, ensuring a happy and successful finish.

I’ve discovered that such pacing skills are in short supply among Christian men, with the result that too many—especially those most committed to serving Christ in their families, in the workplace, and in the local church—are crashing or fading fast before their race is over. It’s not just a “Christian” problem though; it’s also a culture problem. Some 225 million workdays are lost every year in the United States due to stress; that’s nearly a million people not working every workday.2The data on pastors is especially worrying, with high levels of stress, depression, and burnout leading to broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken churches. (Burnout is responsible for 20 percent of all pastoral resignations.3) That’s hardly surprising, since surveys reveal that pastors relegate physical exercise, nutrition, and sleep to a much lower priority than the average worker.4 I’ve been there and done that—and suffered the consequences. But through painful personal experience, and also through counseling many others since, I’ve learned that God has graciously provided a number of ways for us to reset our broken and burned-out lives, and to help us live grace-paced lives in a burnout culture.

Although no two burnouts are the same, as I’ve counseled increasing numbers of Christians through burnout, I’ve noticed that most of them have one thing in common—there are deficits of grace. It’s not that these Christians don’t believe in grace. Not at all; all of them are well grounded in “the doctrines of grace,” and many of them are pastors who preach grace powerfully every week. The “five solas” and the “five points” are their theological meat and drink. Yet there are disconnects between theological grace and their daily lives, resulting in five deficits of grace.

Five Deficits of Grace

First, the motivating power of grace is missing. To illustrate, take a look at five people printing Bibles on the same assembly line. Mr. Dollar is asking, “How can I make more money?” Mr. Ambitious is asking, “How can I get a promotion?” Mr. Pleaser is asking, “How can I make my boss happy?” Mr. Selfish is asking, “How can I get personal satisfaction in my job?” They all look and feel miserable. Then we bump into Mr. Grace, who’s asking, “In view of God’s amazing grace to me in Christ, how can I serve God and others here?”

From the outside, it looks as if all five are doing the same work, but inside, they look completely different. The first four are striving, stressed, anxious, fearful, and exhausted. But Mr. Grace is so energized by his gratitude for grace that his job satisfies and stimulates him rather than draining him. Where grace is not fueling a person from the inside out, he burns from the inside out.

Also absent is the moderating power of grace. Alongside Mr. Grace, Mr. Perfectionist takes pride in flawless performance. If he ever makes a mistake in his work, he berates and flagellates himself. He carries this legalistic perfectionism into his relationships with God and others, resulting in constant disappointment in himself, in others, and even in God.

Mr. Grace’s work is just as high quality as Mr. Perfectionist, but grace has moderated his expectations. At the foot of the cross, he has learned that he’s not perfect and never will be. He accepts that both his work and his relationships are flawed. But instead of tormenting himself with these imperfections, he calmly takes them to the perfect God, knowing that in his grace, this God forgives every shortcoming and lovingly accepts him as perfect in Christ. He doesn’t need to serve, sacrifice, or suffer his way to human or divine approval because Christ has already served, sacrificed, and suffered for him.

Without motivating grace, we just rest in Christ. Without moderating grace, we just run and run—until we run out. We need the first grace to fire us up when we’re dangerously cold; we need the second to cool us down when we’re dangerously hot. The first gets us out of bed; the second gets us to bed on time. The first recognizes Christ’s fair demands upon us; the second receives Christ’s full provision for us. The first says, “Present your body a living sacrifice”; the second says, “Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.” The first overcomes the resistance of our “flesh”; the second respects the limitations of our humanity. The first speeds us up; the second slows us down. The first says, “My son, give me your hands”; the second says, “My son, give me your heart.”

The multiplying power of grace is also rare in burned-out lives. Back on the assembly line, some of the Christian workers are driven by production targets. If they fall short of their daily quotas of Bibles, they go home totally depressed because “Every Bible we fail to print and package is a soul unreached.” As everything depends on their sweat and muscle, they work tons of overtime and hardly have any time for personal prayer.

Mr. Grace, however, works normal hours, and yet he has time and peace to pray for God’s blessing on each Bible that passes through his hands. He works hard, but he depends on God’s grace to multiply his work. He realizes that while one plants and another waters, God gives the increase. He goes home happy each evening, knowing that he has done what he could, and, as he leaves the factory at 5 p.m., he prays that God will multiply his work far more than his muscles or hours could.

The releasing power of grace has often been lacking when a person burns out. Mr. Controller, for example, thinks everything depends on him. He gets involved in every step of the production process, constantly annoying other workers with his micromanagement. He’s infuriated by any breakdown in production, yelling at people and even the machines when they mess up. He says he believes in “sovereign grace,” but he’s the sovereign and grace is limited to personal salvation.

In contrast, Mr. Grace realizes God is sovereign even in the nuts and bolts of life, and releases control of everything into his hands. He works carefully, but humbly submits to setbacks and problems, accepting them as tests of his trust in God’s control. In the midst of challenges and setbacks, he can often be heard whispering to himself, “Release, release, release.”

Another void in many breakdowns is the receiving power of grace. Unlike Mr. Grace, most of his bosses and fellow workers refuse to accept many of God’s best gifts. They won’t receive the grace of a weekly Sabbath, the grace of sufficient sleep, the grace of physical exercise, the grace of family and friends, or the grace of Christian fellowship. These are all gifts that our loving heavenly Father has provided to refresh and renew his creatures. Yet instead of humbly receiving them, most refuse and reject them, thinking that such graces are for the weak. Yes, it is more blessed to give than to receive. But if we don’t do any receiving, our giving soon dries up.

As long as these five grace deficits exist in the lives of Christians, the wrecker’s yard is going to keep filling with broken and burned-out believers. But by connecting God’s grace more and more to our daily lives—by growing in these five graces—we can learn how to live grace-paced lives in a burnout culture. That’s what this book will train you to live out.

Middle-Aged Only?

But this isn’t a book just for middle-agedmen. Every victim of burnout will tell you that unhealthy patterns of living and working that they learned in their youth caused their downfall later in life. And if any group is in danger today, it’s the millennial generation (aged 18–33), whose stress levels are higher than the national average, according to a report by the American Psychological Association. Thirty-nine percent of millennials say their stress has increased in the past year, and 52 percent say stress about work, money, and relationships has kept them awake at night in the past month, with one in five clinically depressed or stressed out and needing medication.5 As prevention is always better than cure, I hope this book will also help younger men learn how to renew their bodies and souls so that they too start living grace-paced lives instead of joining the statistics.

Men Only?

Why write for men only? Don’t women also overrun, burn out, get depressed, and so on? Yes, of course they do; but as they often do it in different ways than men, and for different reasons, some of the solutions are different too. That’s why my wife, Shona, is joining me to cowrite a sequel to this book, a Reset for Women, if you will. As my wife for twenty-five years, a mother of five children (ranging from two to twenty), a family doctor for fifteen years, a past sufferer with depression, and a counselor to many women over many years, Shona will bring a unique female perspective to the problems that women face in this area and to the solutions that can help Christian women live grace-paced lives in a burnout culture.

So, should women put this book down and wait for the female version? No! If you want to understand your husband better and help him live a grace-paced life, keep reading and jog alongside him as you work out together what track God is calling him to run and what speed will get him to the finish line.

Pastors Only?

When Justin Taylor of Crossway originally approached me to write this book, he had in mind a book especially for pastors and other church leaders. I understood and shared Justin’s concern for the unique challenges that Christian ministry leaders face in this area. However, among all the emails, phone calls, and office visits I had received from burned-out and stressed-out pastors over the years, I had also gotten many from Christian men in nonministry callings who were struggling with similar challenges and who responded well to similar counsel. That’s why we decided the book should be addressed to Christian men in general, but with a regular focus upon Christian ministry leaders in particular. We believe that this is the best way to help the greatest number of Christian men and pastors discover how to reset their lives and enjoy the healthy balance of grace motivation and grace moderation exemplified by the apostle:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:1–2)

1. Brady Boyd, Addicted to Busy: Recovery for the Rushed Soul (Colorado Springs: Cook, 2014), 44.

2. Richard Swenson, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2004), 43–44.

3. Lisa Cannon-Green, “Why 734 Pastors Quit (and How Their Churches Could Have Kept Them),” Christianity Today, January 12, 2016, http://www.christianitytoday.com/gleanings/2016/january/why-734-pastors-quit-how-churches-could-have-kept-them.html.

4. Gary Harbaugh, Pastor as Person: Maintaining Personal Integrity in the Choices and Challenges of Ministry (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1984), 47.

5. Sharon Jayson, “The State of Stress in America,” USA Today, February 7, 2013, http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/02/06/stress-psychology-millennials-depression/1878295/.

Repair Bay 1

Reality Check

“You have multiple blood clots in both lungs.”

Just a few hours earlier, I had been reading and relaxing in a chair at home when I felt a sudden tightness in my neck area, a building pressure that then spread down my chest and arms. It was painful, but not unbearable. I was breathless, hot, and disoriented.

Although the symptoms lasted only about ten minutes, my wife, Shona (an experienced family physician), was adamant that further investigation was needed. But when we arrived at the local emergency room, I felt fairly normal again, so I spent ten minutes trying to persuade her that we should just go home rather than waste a few hours and hundreds of dollars on a pointless ER visit. Thankfully, Shona prevailed and I agreed to go in, my parting comment being, “I’m doing this for you, not me!” (Poor woman!)

Although the results of the heart tests were normal and the doctor felt 95 percent certain that all was fine, he said that it was best to get my blood enzymes checked at the downtown hospital just to be certain that there had been no heart attack. As I dithered, Shona decided, “Yes, we’re going.”

At the hospital, I happened to mention to the doctor that I had had a pain in my calf muscle since Sunday morning, which I breezily dismissed as “probably a muscle strain from tae kwon do.” He paused, turned back toward me, and narrowed his eyes: “Have you traveled recently?” I said that I had driven to Canada on Friday and arrived back in Grand Rapids on Monday morning.

The doctor looked concerned and decided to screen my blood, just to rule out a deep vein thrombosis (DVT) in my leg. An hour later (just after midnight), the results came back with a very high positive. For the first time, alarm bells began to ring in my mind.

Next, I was sent off for a CAT scan. Thirty minutes later, I heard the life-changing (and possibly life-ending) words, “I’m afraid you have multiple blood clots in both lungs [pulmonary emboli], probably having spun off from a clot in your leg.” I was told to lie flat on the bed and be as still as possible lest more clots break off from my leg and block my lungs. I was given a large dose of heparin and an intravenous drip of the same to stabilize the clots and start thinning my blood.

The next thirty-six hours were deeply solemnizing. All the blood clot anecdotes I’d heard over the years decided to flood my mind, probably partly provoked by the doctor’s parting words: “Don’t move from the bed; you have a life-threatening condition.” A sleepless blur of tests, tests, and more tests followed throughout the day, with fluctuating results: raising my hopes, then disappointing and worrying me.

Good to Be Afflicted?

In one of the rare moments of privacy I managed to grab in the maelstrom of that first night in the hospital, I picked up a daily devotional book beside my bed and turned to that day’s date to find meditations on the following verses:

I called on the Lord in distress; the Lord answered me and set me in a broad place. (Ps. 118:5)

It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes. (Ps. 119:71)

These two themes—thankfulness to God for graciously delivering me and a desire to learn from this trauma—stayed with me for the next few days. The primary lesson was painfully clear: “God’s been hunting me down.”

That was my immediate and instinctive understanding of why the Lord had sent these blood clots into my leg and lungs. Three weeks and two complications later, I was more convinced than ever that God had been tracking me for many months, with loving arrow after loving arrow, until at last he’d brought me down to the dust.

Up until a year before, I’d lived a more or less healthy and vigorous life. At 6 feet 3 inches and 186 pounds, I was on the light side of average. Work and ministry, however, had pushed out regular daily exercise for a few years. Over the previous nine months, my medical file had bulged considerably with two other health issues, one of which had culminated in a major (and very painful) operation three months prior. I’d also had a frightfully near miss coming back from a ministry trip when my car spun 720 degrees on black ice, slipped off the highway, and ended up on an embankment. Did these providences give me pause?

Not for long. That’s why blood clots were required. God’s message to me, through my blood, was: “Stop!”

My life and ministry had been getting faster and faster for years. It was all good stuff: delivering lectures, preaching sermons, counseling, speaking at conferences, writing books, raising four kids (now five), and so on. But it had been at the expense of quiet and rest—physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual rest. I hadn’t neglected the means of grace—private devotions, family worship, and church attendance had all been steady and routine—but they were far too routine, with little or no joy in them. Life had become a restless, busy blur of ministry obligations and opportunities. The graces of sleep, exercise, peace, relaxation, a good diet, friendships, reflection, and fellowship with God had all been sacrificed for more “productive” activities. There had been little or no time to “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10).

But now, in the enforced stillness, I was hearing a loving and concerned God say, “My son, give me your heart” (Prov. 23:26). Not your sermons, not your lectures, not your blogs, not your books, not your meetings, but your heart. You!

It was not that I had been totally deaf to God’s previous appeals and interventions. I had heard, and fully intended to respond. My plan had been to push through a jam-packed March and April, then use a four-week space in my calendar to get into better physical shape, return to healthier sleeping patterns, secure more time for rest, draw near to God, and renew fading friendships. That was my plan. And it was about to work. I’d just finished the last in a long series of speaking engagements and had settled down in my easy chair to begin my planned soul revival. And thirty minutes later, I was in a hospital. The Planner had swept my plan off the table.

Burnouts and Breakdowns

But why should I write all this? Why not just learn the lessons privately? I believe God gave me these experiences not only to teach me, but also to help others who have burned out or are about to. Since I began talking about this to many Christian men and at various Christian conferences, I’ve come across countless others who have suffered breakdowns or burnouts of one sort or another—some were physical like mine, but others were mental or relational breakdowns. Still others were emotional disorders or moral lapses. A number of men had not yet crashed and burned, but were worried about huge warning signs in their lives and wanted to do something to prevent impending disaster. One pastor confided: “My ministry had become a shell without the heart, a matter of endless duties without joy. I was standing up every Sunday telling God’s people true things, good things. But they were no longer things that I lived on personally. It was my job.”

Whatever the differences, whoever the person, whatever the problems, whatever the stage of stress or burnout, all saw that they were living at too fast a pace and needed to reset their lives. They wanted the grace of the gospel to be better reflected in the pace of their lives. They wanted more gospel joy in their service.

That prompted me to begin developing an informal program that I now call the Reset process. I have used it with numerous men, and now, through this book, I want to help you reset your life so that you can avoid crashing, or recover from it, by establishing patterns and rhythms that will help you live a grace-paced life and get you to the finish line successfully and joyfully.

This is not easy for most of us. We are independent, self-sufficient men who find it hard to admit weakness, seek help, and change deeply ingrained addictions to overwork, busyness, and productivity. For pastors and ministry leaders, it’s especially difficult; since so much of our work is invisible and intangible, we can be tempted to go into overdrive in more noticeable tasks in order to prove that we are busy and strong. But it’s also difficult because our work is more obviously gospel work. How can we back off? How can we slow the pace? How can we rest when there are souls to be saved and when the work is so inherently good and so (dangerously) enjoyable?

I’ve been there, and in some ways, I’m still there. It’s still a daily battle for me to keep a safe pace. Changing lifelong patterns of thought, belief, and action can be extremely difficult. But it’s worth fighting for a grace-paced life, not only because we will live longer (and therefore serve longer), but also because we will live more joyfully, fruitfully, and “grace-fully.”

So I want to persuade you to a better and more useful life; but I also want to persuade you of the seriousness of your situation. The rest of this chapter will challenge you to take stock of your life, to have a sober look not just at the externals, but also at the internals—your heart and mind. This isn’t mere self-centerednavel-gazing. “Self-care is the first step in caring for others, for loving your neighbor as yourself,”1