Simply walked away ... E-Book

Rainer G. Fleig

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 95

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

The worst experience in a parent's life is the suicide of their own child. I call it going home - for obvious reasons. The months and years that follow are an extremely painful and traumatic time of dealing with and coming to terms with this terrible event - especially when it happens completely unexpectedly. The topic of death comes to the fore and occupies us for a long time. Many questions seem to remain open and unanswered until our own end. And yet answers are possible ... Take courage and join me on a completely unbiased, natural and unconventional path to get answers and find peace. Because: the answers to our legitimate and most pressing questions are waiting for us ...

Leseprobe

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my son Robin, who, in 2016, at the age of just 27, committed suicide unexpectedly committed suicide.

1. short foreword

I had been aware of the issue of suicide for a long time, and these terrible events made me realize that there was a lot wrong with human communities. However, like many of my fellow human beings, I pushed this terrible topic far away - after all, I was not affected. The thought of this topic was too terrible and immediately sent me into helpless abysses that I preferred to avoid.

But on a gloomy October day in 2016, everything changed and I suddenly went from not being affected to being affected. I was given the terrible news that my youngest son had killed himself ... unbelievable and unbelievable.

The tragic death of a loved one is the worst thing a person can experience. It is even worse when it is even a family member - through close family ties from immediate proximity. A terrible shock that couldn't be worse - in a country where there is still "peace" and no armed conflicts, even though, viewed more critically and honestly, we are involved in thousands of "small wars" every day.

We think that's just the way life is - no, it's not that simple.

Our lives are determined by other people on a daily basis and broken down into many so-called "unwritten laws", which can often make life difficult. Human virtues are becoming less and less valuable, and vices are unfortunately being turned into "virtues". Are these all supposed to be coincidences? Conscious, thoughtful actions, coincidences every day?

I also see the good, but I also see that the good seems to be becoming less and less in this day and age. It should come as no surprise that more and more people are no longer able to cope with these circumstances - people of good will. The consequences are foreseeable, from illness to the worst of all steps, going home or quitting, because not every fellow human being has the strength to face up to these circumstances and counteract them over a long period of time. This seems to be a struggle - every day anew.

I am deliberately talking about going home, not suicide or suicide. In doing so, I would like to point out a small signpost in this booklet.

And so, after this completely unexpected and terrible shock, I was forced to come to terms with this awful situation.

In contrast to many difficult life situations that I was more or less able to overcome, I realized that this terrible experience was finite - there was no way to turn everything around. A clear, irreversible decision was made that I would have to live with from then on - but how?

From then on, I was tormented by the deep rift in my heart and soul. The radiation of these deep, painful feelings and thoughts left me no peace from then on - for a long time. My strength dwindled and my thoughts went on a merry-go-round - every day the same horror at the incomprehensible. And I tried everything I could to get some relief - it didn't help. I had to realize that I had to go through a slow and painful process, the outcome of which was uncertain. My life was and still is in a sine curve. Every day, I laboriously climb up a few rungs out of my sadness, like a ladder, only to fall down again shortly afterwards and start all over again ...

Through many experiences, I knew that church or psychologists could not help me find satisfactory answers. My agonizing questions would only find an acceptable answer through unconventional means. I was helped by a natural way of thinking that I had retained.

Dear fellow sufferers, try to take a different path of understanding with me than the conventional one - completely unbiased, courageous and with an open heart.

I would like to report truthfully about this, my own path, and perhaps offer some help to those affected and provide relief for the deep wounds.

2. introduction

This book should try to help many affected families and fellow human beings to bear the bewilderment, suffering and further life with this very heavy burden, but also to come to terms with it and provide insights.

And who can do this better than those affected themselves, who are faced with this terrible suffering and have to come to terms with it somehow - with all their feelings and thoughts.

There is no formula or medication for this incredible suffering, at most "psychological support" - we have to help ourselves. And we will have to admit to ourselves that we need to look at this situation from several angles in order to understand what makes a person "drop out"!

Of course, there are many personal and different reasons, but on closer inspection we also see that the same patterns exist. Family and social patterns - the circle in which we move. We are confronted with the topic of death in a shocking way, and at close quarters - we are now directly affected by it ourselves.

We can neither condemn nor judge - perhaps not even guess - how desperate and finished with this life a person is.

Our first question is always the "why" or "wherefore", and we are faced with a great emptiness, which at the same time demands full acceptance, as we are irrevocably faced with a fait accompli. We, the bereaved, must try to integrate this heavy burden into our daily lives ... and nothing seems more difficult and protracted.

This situation is the worst and most difficult thing imaginable for all those affected, especially parents - and it is all too understandable that unaffected people and parents sometimes avoid this topic and dismiss thoughts of it, often being afraid of it, but not admitting it. I had never dealt with this topic and didn't give it a second thought, even though I was aware of it - I wasn't affected.

Until the terrible day came in October 2016, when two police officers rang my doorbell at around 2 p.m. in the early afternoon and gave me the terrible news ... I was suddenly catapulted into the deepest depths of incomprehensibility and sadness, and after twenty minutes I stood there alone with this terrible and incomprehensible news - I was suddenly "empty" from head to toe. An extreme shock that I have not been able to process to this day and will probably never fully overcome for the rest of my life. This is the culmination of one of the worst events, nothing else comes after it. Words cannot express the terrible inner processes that a person has to live through and suffer. The situation is even worse because there was "no time" to prepare, as is possible with elderly or sick people whose departure is foreseeable.

In the rarest of cases, a so-called suicide is announced and thus not even the most minimal indications are recognizable - and if they are, they are so inconspicuous and are hardly or not at all registered by us, since the usual everyday life leaves virtually no room for such small signals.

This does not mean that we should build up feelings of guilt about it - no, please never, even if you have a tendency to do so. It doesn't help anyone in any way. I didn't do that either, because it really is pointless - although I also felt the inclination to do so and these feelings only intensify the already terrible situation, grief and pain. There is nothing we can change or do. The person who has gone made their decision long ago, for themselves, and we have to respect that. I know that this is reluctant and very difficult for us - but in the end we have no other choice, we have to go on living.

If only because we have a responsibility for our loved ones - they have also been affected and are just as affected and helpless as we are. Our loved ones are also going through difficult times with us, as we are changing and will certainly need a long time to get back to a normal routine - we should always bear that in mind.

Love, understanding, care and solidarity instead of reproach, blame and defense. Let us allow human love, it is the greatest power of all. If there is one power that can heal, it is love - it contains everything we need to heal.

And with this love, I would like to tell you a little about Robin, even if I am always saddened by these lines and find it so difficult to remember.

3. Robin

23.3.1989-7.10.2016

Robin was the youngest of three brothers, a baby of the family, so to speak.

Even as a baby and young boy, he was happy with everything and always created a friendly and pleasant atmosphere with his personality. As a father, I had built up a very warm relationship with my children, as much as is possible as a father and a man. Of course, a man can never be as close to his child as a mother who had this child under her heart. But I was very close. Not least because I had helped to bring Robin into the world - actively. This gave me a special heart connection to him. For me, I automatically had this heart connection with all three sons because I loved them very much and knew that I had a lot of responsibility for them - like all parents.

When Robin was 4 years old, the marriage broke up and could no longer be saved. It must have been terrible for all three boys that there was no longer any family cohesion - I can only speculate and speak from my own experience. The fact that it was a shock for the boys has always been in the back of my mind all these years. The good thing about it, if you can put it that way: We agreed on times for the boys to visit me without any problems. I didn't shirk my share of the responsibility and tried to make the best of the situation with all three of them.