Stuff Irish People Love E-Book

Colin Murphy

• Herausgeber: The O'Brien Press
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

Do you love the taste of Red Lemonade, change into your swimming togs under a towel on the beach or find yourself admiring 'the grand stretch in the evenings'? Then this book, jammed with hilarious reflections on what it is to be Irish, will have you nodding in agreement with every turn of the page. Contains approximately 100 things that Irish people like, such as; - Waving hello to complete strangers on country roads. - Using the 'cupla focal' to stress our Irishness when on holidays. - Going for a few pints after mass. - Claiming a relative who fought in the Easter Rising. - Explaining hurling to foreigners. - Nicknaming statues, for example 'The Floozie in the Jacuzzi'.

Leseprobe

The definitive guide to the unique passions of the Paddies

Colin Murphy & Donal O’Dea

Contents

Title Page    1 Marietta biscuit butter sandwiches with the butter squeezed through.   2 Scraping shite off boots with a stick.   3 Nicknaming our public statues.   4 A big lump of vanilla ice cream dropped into a glass of fizzy orange or cola.   5 Inserting swearwords into the middle of other words.   6 Jackeens saying ‘that’s a grand healthy smell’ when they get a whiff of cowshite.   7 Contracting names by using ‘o’, ‘ser’, ‘y’ or ‘ie’.   8 Reading death notices in the newspaper or listening to death notices on the radio.   9 Unmarried couples sleeping in separate bedrooms when visiting their parents even though they’ve been living together for years. 10 Culchies* heading to Dublin to do their Christmas Shopping on 8th December. 11 Seeing England being beaten by anybody at anything. 12 Eejits with no teeth appearing on game shows like ‘Winning Streak’. 13 Having twelve+ children. 14 Explaining hurling to foreigners. 15 Boiled eggs in a cup mashed with a lump of butter. 16 Claiming you’re related to someone who fought in the GPO in the Rising. 17 Shouting ‘Yeeeeeooow’ in the middle of a traditional Irish tune. 18 Changing into swimming togs under a towel on the beach. 19 Bacon and Cabbage. 20 Begrudgery. 21 A grand stretch in the evenings. 22 Boasting that we were the first country in the world to ban smoking in pubs (and then secretly cursing the politicians who did it.) 23 Waving hello to complete strangers on country roads. 24 Tayto crisps or Tayto crisp sandwiches. 25 Saying ‘Ah no I won’t’ three times before accepting the offer of a drink. 26 Drinking tea from a flask and eating sandwiches from the boot of a car while attending away GAA matches. 27 Leaving Mass during Communion. 28 Being the best fans in the world. 29 Giving directions to strangers, especially foreign visitors. 30 Your Ma or Da greeting you with the phrase ‘D’ye know who’s dead?’ 31 Using the phrase ‘geddupdeyard’. 32 Using the ‘cúpla focal’ to stress our Irishness. 33 Red Lemonade. 34 Laughing at foreign journalists mispronouncing Irish stuff. 35 Boasting about how late your local stays open after official closing time. 36 Irish speakers using English terms for which there is no translation. 37 Collecting money after their First Holy Communion. 38 Pretending they think U2 are crap. 39 Being the worst road users in The Western World. 40 The craic. 41 Depending on where you’re from, slagging Jackeens or Culchies. 42 Oddball sandwiches. 43 Informality. 44 ‘Late Late Show’ controversy. 45 Our colloquialisms. 46 Remedying every situation by putting the kettle on. 47 Being loved by everyone on the planet. 48 Pictures of the Sacred Heart/Statues of the Virgin Mary. 49 Claiming that Guinness always tastes better in Ireland. 50 Our daft road signage. 51 Slagging. 52 Miming the National Anthem. 53 Being locked into a pub. 54 Winning one Olympic gold medal every twenty years. 55 Our mammies. 56 Asking far-away relatives ‘what time is it there?’ or asking returning emigrants ‘when are you going back?’ 57 Taking pride in the fact that most U.S. Presidents (supposedly) have some Irish blood. 58 Spice Burgers. 59 Dubs seeing Kerry being beaten in GAA. Everyone else seeing Dublin being beaten in GAA. 60 Telling friends you’ll ‘give them a shout’. 61 Committing the sin of illicit sex. 62 Moaning about single mothers getting freebies from the state. 63 Fried Christmas Pudding for breakfast on Stephen’s Day. 64 The Angelus. 65 English celebrities who adopt Ireland as their home. 66 Ordering multiple pints each at last orders. 67 (Women) complaining about how crap Irish men are in bed. 68 (Men) moaning about how ugly Irish girls are. 69 Paddy’s Day. 70 Double-Barrelled Christian Names. 71 Asking favours in the negative. 72 Herding cows or sheep with a hurley. 73 Deliberately going to the airport four hours before your flight so you can go on the lash. 74 Telling foreigners that hurling is the fastest sport on earth. 75 Going to funerals. 76 British royalty. 77 Pubs that also sell cornflakes, nails and peat briquettes. 78 Using the word ‘after’ when relating events. 79 Being unpunctual. 80 Putting stuff on the long finger. 81 Farmers deliberately causing traffic jams by taking their time clearing the sheep or cows off a country road. 82 The Full Irish breakfast 83 Driving miles to save 1 cent on petrol/Driving to the North to save on the shopping. 84 Having countless aunts and uncles. 85 Being drunk at midnight Mass on Christmas Eve 86 (Men) mispronouncing ‘thirty-three’ so that they can get off with English girls when on holliers. 87 Having names that visitors (even English-speaking ones) can’t pronounce. 88 Gaeltacht road signs confusing tourists  Miscellaneous stuff Irish people love. About the Authors Copyright

Marietta biscuit butter sandwiches with the butter squeezed through.

For those who don’t know what a Marietta biscuit is … well it’s sort of like a Rich Tea biscuit with lots of little holes in it. And back in the days when we were all poor, as distinct from utterly bankrupt, most people only rarely bought fancy biscuits with a filling, as they put too much of a strain on the grocery bill. So the next best thing was to butter two Marietta biscuits and stick them together. In fact, if you put on enough butter and pressed them tightly, the butter would squeeze through the little holes like tiny worms … yummy. Ironically, buttering the Marietta probably made the biscuits more expensive than standard fancy ones. Since then we’ve come a long way and most homes are packed with double-choc-cream-crisp strawberry delights, or some other fancy oul’ shite biscuits. But secretly, when they’re alone, most Irish people will still sneak into the kitchen and butter themselves a couple of Marietta when nobody’s watching. And if you’re really degenerate, you might even dunk your buttered Mariettas into your cup of tea before sucking down the soggy, buttery mess. Heaven.