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- Herausgeber: Johnny Two Kebabs
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
This third instalment is arguably the most important volume of Johnny's memoirs yet, as it firmly establishes him as one of the great ‘thinkers’ of modern times. In this intimate narrative, Johnny shares with us some of his insights into the criminal mind and what drives him in his relentless pursuit of justice.
The art of boxing, political ideology and gender fluidity all play a part in this latest fascinating tale. In these pages, we draw closer to understanding Johnny's 'philosophy of life' when we join him in a 'diversity and inclusion' training course which further enhances his understanding of the human psyche.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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For Matthew, Jessica, Luke and Ewan
Thanks to
Patricia Mc Kenna, Jaakko Tulkki, Phillip Sheehan, Geraldine Mc Kenna and Pete Bartlett Photography
Copyright © 2021 Kieran Mc Kenna
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
CONTENTS
Who Is Johnny Two Kebabs
A Note From The Editor
Prologue
1. "Homicidal asphyxiation”
2. "Bisexual, pansexual or even non-binary”
3. "Vice and sin"
4. "The demon would mix truth in with lies"
5. “One of the nicest guys you could have met”
6. “In ancient Greece, admiration of the male human form was considered to be a virtue"
7. “‘Micro-aggressions’ and ‘micro-affirmations'”
8. "Slither down the oesophagus"
9. "I hate them, they is pigs”
10. “The ‘joo joo' girl"
11. "This time we found a footprint on Bryan’s face"
12. ‘Chip butties’ and ‘fried egg sandwiches’
13. “Better would it be for him to have a millstone tied around his neck and be thrown into the river Liffey"
14. "Little shots to the sides of The groin right below the hip"
15. "An odour strong enough to interfere with normal breathing"
16. "Would ye dishonour the badge?"
17. "I think I am maybe what is known today as unbinary"
18. “There’s always one rotten apple in the barrel”
Johnny Two Kebabs - The Prequel - 1. “Trust No One Believe Nothing
About the Author
WHO IS JOHNNY TWO KEBABS
There has been much speculation in recent years as to whether Johnny Two Kebabs really exists. Is it true that on 15th June 2011 after drinking 13 pints of lager, he polished off two doner kebabs in 1 minute 59 seconds? Is Johnny Two Kebabs just an urban legend? Is the song that was written about him and for which the video appears on the internet just in the tradition of Irish blarney and storytelling? Were the comics which mysteriously appeared on the Internet in 2020 just fake news? In this third volume of his memoirs, the ‘conscious vigilante’ reveals more of himself while recounting how he brought the ‘mixed doner murderer’ to justice.
A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
"In his thirst for justice, Johnny has learned to do bad things to bad men." With these words, Johnny handed me the manuscript for the third instalment of his memoirs. As can be seen, Johnny tends to speak of himself in the third person. This oratorical device (known as illeism) I have left as in the original.
In this volume, he writes candidly not only about complex psycho-sexual issues in his own entourage but also about the wider implications of ‘diversity and inclusion’ in society at large.
Once again, he has left little for me to do aside from correct some spelling mistakes and admire both the substance and style of his narrative.
Kieran Mc Kenna, Madrid 2021
THE MIXED DONER MURDERS
JOHNNY TWO KEBABS
PROLOGUE
It was evening and Johnny was walking along Clapham High Street when he saw Bucker leaving a bar. Bucker was Johnny’s best friend, they had known each other for many years. Bucker, like Johnny, was a Dubliner. However, Johnny didn’t know him from Dublin, they had met in London shortly after they had both moved there and the two had become firm friends. They had much in common and were very close.
Johnny was surprised that evening to see him coming out of a bar called "Bottoms Up." He was going to call out to him but he could see he was with another man and something made him decide not to do so. He saw Bucker turn the corner and Johnny approached the bar to have a better look at it. Funnily enough, even though Johnny knew the area well, he had never seen this bar before. There were bright lights and some colourful posters in the window. Johnny’s interest was piqued so he decided to take a closer look. He saw that there were "themed" nights, there was a "Drag Night," another night was called "Call of Booty" which seemed to be a sort of "Military Uniforms" night. Then there was a poster for "Burly Bear" night which had a little limerick below a picture of two chubby men with their arms around each other's shoulders. The limerick read:
“Matt had a little bear
To whom he was so kind,
And everywhere that Matt went
You could see his bear behind”
At first, Johnny smiled at the schoolboy rhyme but then, all of a sudden, a look of understanding came over his face and his smile was replaced by a look of shock. He took a step back, aghast. He realised that his worst fears had been confirmed. His best friend, Bucker, had just left a gay bar in the company of a male "friend."
