The Xenophobe's Guide to the Austrians - Louis James - E-Book

The Xenophobe's Guide to the Austrians E-Book

Louis James

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Beschreibung

A guide to understanding the Austrians that delves into the cultural curiosities and peculiar characteristics of this land-locked nation.

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Contents

Title Page

Nationalism & Identity

Character

Attitudes & Values

Behaviour

Manners

Sense of Humour

Obsessions

Leisure & Pleasure

CultureGovernment & Bureaucracy

Systems

Eating & Drinking

Shopping

Health

Business

Crime & Punishment

Language

Conversation & Gestures

About the Author

Copyright

The Austrian population is just over 8 million, compared with 10 million Czechs, 5 million Slovaks, 10 million Hungarians, 2 million Slovenes, 58 million Italians, 7.6 million Swiss, 82 million Germans and around 307 million Americans.

Nationalism & Identity

Forewarned

A great deal of ink has been spilt in Austria agonizing about Austrian identity. Does it actually exist? Should it exist? Is it expanding or diminishing? Is it drawn from the past only, or will it emerge in the future? “Hypochondriacs worry about their ailments; Austrians worry about their identity.”

“Hypochondriacs worry about their ailments; Austrians worry about their identity.”

Austrian identity is suspended somewhere between imperial history and parochial loyalties. ‘In other countries,’ writes an English historian, ‘dynasties are episodes in the history of the people; in the Habsburg Empire, peoples are a complication in the history of the dynasty.’ The Republic of Austria only came into being in 1918 after the individual nations of the Habsburgs’ Austro-Hungarian Empire became independent; as Clemenceau rather brusquely put it: ‘L’Autriche, c’est ce qui reste’, i.e. ‘Austria consists of what was left over.’

How others see them

A German historian once remarked a trifle ungraciously that Bavarians were the missing link between Austrians and human beings. He obviously forgot that the ancient Austrians actually came from Bavaria, give or take a few Alemanni.

The German view of Austrians has not mellowed with the passing of time. Hordes of Germans certainly come to beautiful Austria for skiing, hiking and sex; even the huge former German Chancellor, Helmut Kohl, used to spend his summer vacation at the Austrian lakes, trying unsuccessfully to lose weight. Unfortunately, this tended to reinforce the image of Austria as a place where you go when you are not being entirely serious, and of the Austrians as a not entirely serious people.

“The Germans feel that the Austrians have a tendency to Schlamperei (sloppiness or muddle).”

The Germans feel that the Austrians, especially the Viennese, have a tendency to Schlamperei (sloppiness or muddle), which the locals do not seem to view as a failing. (This characteristic was described by a more tolerant Englishman as ‘a sort of laziness, an easy-going spirit which quickly degenerates into slackness. It is shared by the highest and the lowest, causing the former to lose battles, the latter to forget errands.’)

The German view of Austrian incompetence is no doubt rooted in history, for the Habsburg armies lost battles to the Prussians with monotonous regularity. The greatest catastrophe was Königgrätz (Sadowa, 1866), when Austrian soldiers rendered every possible assistance to the opposition’s artillery by sporting decorative white uniforms, and the Austrian generals could not comprehend why the enemy consistently refused to adhere to the battle plan which they had patiently worked out in elegant manœuvres at home. As one commander plaintively remarked after the defeat: “It always worked so well on the Schmelz (then the military parade and exercise ground in Vienna).” Germans are mystified by the Austrians’ delight in telling this story against themselves. To a Prussian, self-irony about military defeats is a self-indulgence only too likely to lead to more of them.

“The Austrian generals could not comprehend why the enemy consistently refused to adhere to the battle plan which they had patiently worked out.”

Another German observation concerns the legendary (and largely mythical) Austrian meanness, the implication being that at least one nation is even more careful with money than are the Germans themselves. A man from Münich gives a lift home to a Viennese. The Viennese does not offer to pay for petrol; what is more, he demands that they make an enormous detour to include the suburb of a town where he claims to have business. When they get there, it turns out he has 12 returnable bottles in the boot of the car. An advertisement in a Viennese paper had alerted him to the fact that a shop in this suburb pays 5 cents more for empties than anywhere else in Vienna. Seeing the look on the face of his German friend, he hastily offers to pay for the extra petrol. In the end he pays the equivalent of 36 Euros to save 60 cents.

The Hungarians have learnt to regard their neighbours with some affection, particularly the proprietors of cut-price computer shops and used car lots. Budapestians live in daily expectation, or at least hope, of a wall of money from Austrian investors. Border villagers put up signs, with inscriptions in German, advertising hairdressers, dentists and more arcane wares.

“An Austrian marrying into the controlled hysteria of a Hungarian family finds it is just like being at home, only more so.”

Whatever the economic situation, Austro-Hungarian liaisons still occur. The substantial areas of common ground between the two usually ensure that they function well. An Austrian marrying into the controlled hysteria of a Hungarian family finds it is just like being at home, only more so, and a Hungarian finds that his Austrian in-laws cook mountains of heavy, calorie-rich food and force him to eat every scrap of it, just like his mother.

Austrians and Hungarians are not divided by a common language, as are Austrians and Germans, or English and Americans. The Hungarian therefore learns German, which for him is the language of money and career advancement, and charms everybody with his picturesque vowels and quaint Magyar idioms. None of his Austrian in-laws is so foolish as to attempt Hungarian which everyone knows is impossible, and he can thus continue to speak uninhibitedly on the family phone to his dodgy business friends in Budapest.

How they see others

“One part of the Austrian psyche is ready to assume that a German scholar carries more weight than an Austrian.”

Austrians are deeply ambivalent about the Germans, undecided as to whether they should be portrayed as potential saviours or potential conquerors. It is impossible to ignore entirely the creeping Germanisation of the economy. (Large swathes of the national press and private TV channels are 50% German owned and almost any Austrian author who wants to make it into ‘the big time’ hastens to find a German publisher.) Sometimes the Germans have to be humoured and honoured because they offer a solution to a problem. For example, university professorships are frequently offered to German scholars, because internal politicking may have blocked all the viable local candidates. Austrian frustration is compounded by the fact that one part of the Austrian psyche is ready to assume that a German scholar carries more weight than an Austrian, while another part of it thinks of the Germans as Piefkes (an abusive term which implies the humourless arrogance of the militaristic Prussian).

The Austrians’ other neighbours are the Italians, Slavs, Hungarians and Swiss. With the Italians they would have been able to get along all right had the former not stolen South Tyrol in a shabby deal made with the allies during the First World War. This can be overlooked, however, in view of the fact that Italians have traditionally supplied Austria with composers, architects, divas and ice-cream, all of which are popular. They also supply busloads of tourists. The Viennese shop assistants (who learn useful languages) are past masters at gently assisting linguistically challenged Italian ladies to choose the most expensive items on offer.

“Italians have supplied Austria with composers, architects, divas and ice-cream, all of which are popular.”

Conversely, ailing North and East Tyroleans were quick to commute across the Italian border when it emerged that some medicines could be up to 40% cheaper in South Tyrol. However, to get medical treatment itself, or have your teeth fixed, the smart solution is to pop over the Hungarian border where white-coated gentlemen and ladies with a felicitous bedside manner are ready and willing to practise their language and other skills on the cost-conscious Austrians.

The situation with the Slavs is more complicated. The Czechs were justifiably annoyed when Emperor Franz Joseph made a deal with the Hungarians in 1867, creating the Austro-Hungarian Empire. They failed to see why they did not qualify for the same treatment. (Answer: once you start on the Slavs, who knows where it will end?)

“The affinity, or lack of it, that exists between the Austrians and the Swiss is a compound of admiration, envy and contempt.”

Their other Slav neighbours are the Slovenes and the Slovaks. The Slovaks (still sometimes confused with ‘Czechs’ by people who haven’t been paying attention) certainly deserve a mention, which is all they usually get.

The affinity, or lack of it, that exists between the Austrians and the Swiss is a compound of admiration, envy and contempt. Of course, a lot of people feel that way about the Swiss, but the Austrians have a particular difficulty in concealing their irritation with their neighbours for avoiding conflict and getting insufferably rich – even richer than the Austrians.

The Swiss are not unaware of latent Austrian animosity towards them and try to behave as tactfully as possible. While they cannot actually reduce the number of snow-capped mountains on their territory which compete with Austrian ski resorts, they can at least offer a little discreet banking for what are known picturesquely as Steuerflüchtlinge (literally: ‘tax fugitives’). When Swiss businesses swallow up Austrian enterprises, as they do from time to time, they adopt an avuncular manner, stressing their alertness to local sensibilities and portraying themselves as responsible partners generously pooling their expertise with Austrian colleagues.

Yet rancorous attitudes persist. In a weekend thin for news, the story was splashed over the Austrian popular press that the roof of the Zürich public baths had fallen in, unfortunately with some loss of life. An elegant lady in a Viennese café reading about the tragedy was heard to murmur, “At last something has happened to the Swiss.”

How they see themselves

Austria is divided into nine Länder (Federal Provinces) which all see themselves as ‘Austrian’, especially when claiming their share of the Federal Budget.

“‘Austria’, wrote an anonymous pamphleteer in 1841, is a purely imaginary name’.”

On the other hand they are defiantly Carinthian, Styrian or Burgenlandian or (for example, when asked to help out with the nationwide distribution of asylum seekers or refugees). True, the inhabitants of Salzburg once expressed an overwhelming desire to become part of Germany, and Vorarlberg attempted to slide off into Switzerland; but now everyone has decided to settle down and be Austrian. Or at any rate not something else.

‘Austria’, wrote an anonymous pamphleteer in 1841, ‘is a purely imaginary name’. Moreover, says historian Roman Sandgruber, the word is a philological ragbag since the German root austr means ‘East’, while the Latin auster can only mean ‘South’. In fact, Austria does not want to be considered an eastern territory (it is bad enough that the Czechs have sneakily located Prague west of Vienna); still less does it wish to be regarded as part of Southern or South-Eastern Europe (it is close enough to the dreaded ‘Balkans’ already, thank you).

“Any Austrian worth his salt will tell you he is part of Central Europe. Unfortunately no-one knows where ‘Central Europe’ actually is.”

Any Austrian worth his salt will tell you he is part of Central Europe; indeed he sees himself as an inhabitant of what was formerly the spiritual and political heart of Central Europe. Unfortunately no-one knows where ‘Central Europe’ actually was, or was.